Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: CHRONICLES Of A Married Man 33

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Sunday, July 11, 2021

CHRONICLES Of A Married Man 33

Nice Quote at the end of this article....

 







I got a call from a former colleague. I felt really sad for him. His wife abandoned their marriage of less than five years and left with their daughter. Things had been a downturn for him over the last one year and the wife leaving was the high point of it all.

When I enquired about what led to her leaving. He said she left as things have become so bad for them that even to feed properly was a big issue. She said she is tired of this “sufferhead” called marriage and she wants to go out and fend for herself and her baby.

As at the time we were having this conversation, he had been jobless for over 18months. For someone who had seen the good side of life and has doing well for himself before now, it was a difficult adjustment to make. To make matters worse, the last financial support he got from his elder brother, about 2million naira, he invested it in a failed Ponzi/forex scheme that crashed last year. 



This caused a big rift between him and his family members.


I couldn’t blame the woman because I don’t know her side of the story. Looking at the whole issue, I would blame him from the standpoint of the fact that he hasn’t been good with his finances. And also keeping the wife jobless at home all these years wasn’t a good thing to do either.

For someone who has been in the oil and gas industry going to fifteen years now, I have known that things can change very fast. I have seen retired staffs of IOCs who were once big boys become shadow of themselves after retirement. And with this new clamor for green energy and the fluid nature of the politics of the “Oil business” has even made things even more unpredictable. 


The Covid pandemic also added another dimension to the situation as it is even more difficult for people to get jobs these days.

I had to console him that things will be better and that life has to go on. I know he will surely stand again. I promised to get him a “pass” (job) if I have any of such openings that require his expertise.

This story I just shared is one of many of such I have witnessed over the past one year. It has become sort of a cycle of life that keeps happening; the one before this this was during the 2015-2016 period when Nigeria went into recession, and there was that of 2008-2009. It will keep happening. This further emphasizes the fact that in marriages, the period of dry spells will come; though it happens differently for every marriage.


This brings to fore, the issue of financial management in marriage. How do we manage our finances as couples? Do we prepare for the bad times or is our insurance solely on the “grace of God” and “God forbid it can’t happen to me”? How involved are our wives in the financial affairs of the family? If things were to get bad today, how are we going to cope?

For me, I may be writing from a very privileged position of having a job and being able to take care of my family. There are lots of people and family where the husbands are jobless and managing life as it comes. There is even no money to manage in the first place. But then. It shouldn’t take away the fact that we have to manage our finances as couples.

Like I always say from time to time, marriages differ and couples approach things differently. We are now living in a time where women are becoming more involved in running the affairs of the home. So, whatever strategy you decide to adapt as a man in managing your finances, it should basically involve the support and participation of your wife.

Every family have their “what ifs” and peculiarity. It is always better to do what works for your and not run with the crowd. My wife, for example, will not want to be bothered by the finances and managing the monies I make. She will always want me to do whatever I feel is right and make the right decisions, she can probe and ask questions every once in a while, and that’s all. If things were to go south due to my bad decisions and financial management, we already know who is to be blamed.

Where I get her support is in those areas where her motherly instincts kick in, and she says no to certain financial decisions I make. I am always better off listening to her advise at such points. Experience has taught me better in times I failed to listen to her.

Just one or two points before I drop my “golden” pen…


Firstly, learn to listen to your wife. If my former colleague whose story I shared above had listened to his wife, he wouldn’t have invested the financial support from his brother on that Ponzi. You can imagine the anger the wife felt having to endure avoidable hunger, had the husband listened to her. I personally think we men will enjoy our marriages more if we will learn to listen to our wives and sometimes trust their sense of judgement.


Secondly, understand the dynamics of your working environment and change with the times. Nothing lasts forever. An uncle of mine is presently jobless and struggling to pay rents and bills right now. He is an old-school household electronics repairer. As the years went by, the technologies have changed and he can no longer repair modern appliances. He is now out of job. Same applies to all other career. Some men want to maintain a family of five with the same salary they where earning before they got married. It won’t work naa… Learn to upgrade and improve your source of finances as the years go by.


Lastly, adopt a lifestyle you can sustain. Don’t allow your wife, family, friends and the society push you into a lifestyle you can only support on the short term. Always ask yourself, “if I were to lose my source of income today, can I continue the way I am living now?” Some of my friends got to find out they were no longer invited to GRA gigs after they lost their jobs.

 E shock them!

I will leave you with an advice we got from a Dutch expert some time ago. We were in the coffee room taking a break when a Nigerian begged him for a stick of cigarette. His response shocked all of us “If you cannot fund your bad habits, quit! If you can’t buy your own cigarettes, quit smoking”


E go be!

Ciao!

26 comments:

  1. NICE ONE... In summary, dear men, listen to your wife advise once in a while, it wont make ur gbola smaller. U cannot know it all. If u faill to heed to her advice, be ready to suffer the consequences of ur actions alone

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The first boss I had after my wedding asked to speak to my husband, I initially dint know why but after about an intense hour of their private communication, it worked to my advantage.

      He told him never to make an investment without his wife's input, also that he should always invest in me, no matter how little. This has favored us both because when he is down, I contribute.

      Secondly, my hubby isn't so good with finances, he has always had what he wanted, so I have to map out a plan and we work with that.
      In the end, know your partner and whoever is better should handle finances.

      Also be a partner who listens, of you feel you can do it your way all the time, don't blame the other person for leaving when it doesn't work most times.
      It's very difficult dealing with a spouse that doesn't listen to your contribution.
      How can a man invest 2million in a ponzi scheme? He could have even started an Uber businesses buy pride and ego won't let him.
      Others that hear his story will blame the woman for not being shop enough.
      It's not easy in this Nigeria.

      Delete
  2. True... Both parties should pull resources.

    But then again, we have some brothers who won't allow their wife to work for reasons best known to them.

    In such cases, please save, keep saving, continuing saving, invest, keep investing, continue investing.

    I love that advice, I live by it. Shebi I can now quote it to back my lifestyle na😄

    ReplyDelete
  3. “Staffs” is so wrong. I get really irritated with it. Please adjust. You dey try with this column, kudos

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps you might be an English teacher or have a PhD in Languages or just very good with English, but try not to be irritated with people who make grammatical errors, remember English isn't necessarily their first language and not everyone has a flare for picking up languages.. Let people be, biko

      Delete
    2. Check yourself, it is not "staffs" that is irritating you.

      Delete
    3. Actually, staffs is a word. You can use it when referring to staff in different organizations. The staffs of Amazon and Facebook will get raises this year. Check the dictionary and you will see that even equipment can equipments in certain situations.

      Delete
  4. I know this is not he right space, but let me drop it here

    During the 1-1/2yrs of my working for my company, my family members knew of the disrespectful way my colleague at work was treating me. Another of my colleague let’s call him Mr. O called me one day as regards work and observed I was crying, he really helped me out during those ‘dark days’ from there we became really close and I somehow know most things about him.
    I was also there during his lowest.
    Before we became friends we agreed not to cross certain lines. I know his gfs..do they know me? No and I don’t bother because we don’t talk about each others relationships.
    There are times I feel like I am always the caller (like we can talk about anything for 2hrs+) because he is not the calling type. There was a time I did not call for like weeks and when I called another of my colleague desk phone ‘he’ picked and was like he missed my phone and all those talks. There was also a time he offended me and I told him let’s just be colleague and not friends and then I travelled to our HQ for work and saw him and he was like he can’t believe I went weeks without calling him and then apologized and we are still friends. Or is it the numerous things he buys for me and even asks I come to his house whenever I am at my HQ

    The question are there mixed signals he sending or he is not interested because I still see him as an elder brother so I don’t start imagining things that won’t work and put my heart and emotions at stake
    ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You dunno when a man needs a booty call? You know his girlfriend(s) and you are still worried about mixed signals. Join d queue.

      Delete
    2. You both already agreed not to cross some lines, you know his gfs, you're always the one making things work out between you, so what exactly do you want from him?




      *Larry was here*

      Delete
    3. You know his waka waka community members

      That is clearly a waka waka man

      No be you go tame am

      Don't join the community

      Dey your dey

      Delete
  5. Nice one.We men should involve our wives in making financial decisions. Bachelors marry a wife that will be there in time of need not flashy ones not sharwama or indomies ones OK.. The era of men saying their wives shouldn't work is long gone. Na hustle we all dey ooo. Street don red...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ego will not allow many men to be great

      Delete
    2. Thank you. Some sharawama babes won't rest till your money finish

      Delete
  6. Wow, nice write up.

    The last quote, is everything.

    ReplyDelete
  7. A lot of ladies will jump ship once the money isn't flowing in as before.
    They love money a lot and their hopes are hung on money.
    A lot of them are not financially disciplined too. They have this mentality
    of his money is our money and my money is mine. Very queer mentality.
    If you as a lady aren't ready to be one (financially and otherwise) with a man,
    stay away from marriage.
    And for men that are swayed by ponzi that's greed in action. Nigerians only do
    menial jobs when they go abroad. The Word of God says that the LOVE of money is the
    root of all evil.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nice one oga, everything is on point, let then who's got ears & sense grab it

    ReplyDelete
  9. What will you do about a man who when he has, it’s to be having girl friends up and down. Hides his phone so that you can’t see anything, na so so vex if you try to know how much he is earning and how he’s spending his money. I seem to have better finance management. Bring money let’s invest, he will not come plain. I chose to invest mine and change the school’s kids to an expensive one near the house instead of the suffer head I was doing, sending them to a school far away that was cheap. I can’t be suffering and another small girl enjoying my husband’s money. Now things are tough for him and I choose not to share but look away. I collect rents from about 5 different properties. Will u call me a bad wife?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You aren't a bad wife @ Anon 14.58 , but a very responsible woman who has the best interest of her family at heart.
      As for your husband, just make sure you give him food, and make sure he has clothes on his back and just ignore him.
      Hopefully,when God gives him another opportunity,he will use it well.
      Don't impoverish yourself o because such men rarely learn

      Delete
    2. Not at all, you are the wise one, he can still collect your money and fund his bad habits

      Delete
    3. Please ma, you not bad. God bless you. But cut soap for oga small. We no say him no dey hear word. I advise you either look for a counsel who will talk and show him why he needs to be financially liberal with you... Spiritually, financially and martially. Oga u fall our hand ooo.

      Delete
  10. One of my favourite post. Well done poster, you're doing well. I always learn a thing or more from your write up.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Nice Post @OGA OIL MAGNA.
    My point here is not to blame the husband for his poor finance choice or the wife for leaving him.
    Marriage is for riches and for poor time ". Let's all be more patient and tolerant with our spouse. Let's refer each other for support or counselling no matter how tough the coconut head might refuse to break.
    And NO NO, I will accommodate the others short coming and expect change with due diligence.
    No one is perfect.
    Youths be calming downnnnn please because romance is not marriage.

    ReplyDelete

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