Stella Dimoko Doctor Freaks Journal - Tom And Jerry Relationship With Granny.


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Thursday, July 08, 2021

Doctor Freaks Journal - Tom And Jerry Relationship With Granny.

 I saw a hilarious movie -"Monster-in-Law" for the first time exactly 15 years ago during one of my examination breaks and I saw the video jacket yesterday, following which memories of my paternal grandmother flooded my mind.

Caveat Lector:

Please note that this anecdote is not about my mother-in-law, but about my own paternal grandmother. We were like "Viola Fields" and "Charlotte "Charlie" Cantilini" or aptly put, "Tom and Jerry!"

A very long time ago:

Father was the first son and in fact, the only son of his mother and considering the reality of the African setting in which he was born, raised and lived, the responsibility of "taking care" of the mother fell on his shoulders, majorly. History has it that the mother moved in with him and his young wife shortly after their "nascent" marriage and that she spent the greater part of her years thereat. I really do not have any issue with that, after all, he was her only son. Although he had other wonderful brothers from his dad.

My grandma was peculiar in many ways. She had favourites among her grandchildren, whilst she treated some with disdain, and she flaunted it. I belonged to the latter group, expectedly. She didn't like me and many others, for some strange reasons, but guess what, the feeling was mutual. 

I was never comfortable with the obvious inequality and partiality with which she raised and dealt with us, her supposed offspring/direct descendants! The relationship between me and her became frosty over the years and never got any better.

Each time I "misbehaved," my grandmother made it her sole responsibility to magnify and escalate same to my ever-willing to flog dad. Dad was a "cane-monger!" He was an advocate of "spare the rod and spoil the child." This woman would nag until you get flogged. On a very serious note, as a child, I never liked her!

My most memorable encounter with Mama "Viola Fields" was in 1981 (when I was barely 8 years old.) I "allowed" a suspected "witch" (her own blood relation, right under her watch) into the pen house whilst I was busy feeding the birds. Hey! I was just 8. The suspected "witch" had come to visit her and she even led her to the entrance of the particular pen house where I was working and left her there, then the woman progressed. 

At that point, I simply ran towards her and asked her to disinfect her legs inside the disinfectant placed by the entrance before stepping inside the pen house. Guess what, Mama did not utter a word thereafter. Unknown to me, she was seated somewhere spying. 

My dad returned from his trip around 10.00pm. Do you know what? This woman reported me to "her son' and ensured that I got flogged that night for a sin I knew nothing about. I think she won on two other occasions. She reported me to "her son" and "her son" flogged me as usual. Looking back now, my mum neither interfered nor intervened. Tradition hun? How could she have condoned that victimization by "mother and child" like that?

Whilst Mama was scoring cheap points, I was busy strategizing! I came up with unassailable tactics. I identified that which was most precious to her. It was her Bible! She read her "Bibeli Yoruba" daily. Then I decided to "kidnap" her pair of glasses first, and Yoruba Bible later. Her "fans" helped her to search everywhere without success. I was busy having a good laugh and I refused to return any of those two items for like a week. Interestingly, no one suspected me. I repented after a week and returned them. 

At this point, the battle line had been drawn and I had stopped relating with her. Few months later, I elected to play soccer very close to her window and as fate would have it, the wind, oh that sweet wind blew the ball in the direction of grandma's window and broke 3 louvre glasses. Luckily enough for me, no one was watching and I was so glad! I just scored another big point and it was now a "goaless"-draw!

That was how we continued as Tom and Jerry until her passage to glory in March 1983 at the age of 85. To the utter amazement of all, I mourned her death. I actually wept and was down for days. May her soul rest in peace.

The moral of my story is this, even if you must have favourites among your children or grandchildren (which is strongly discouraged) please and please do not make it so obvious. Why breed sibling rivalry in your household? You know what? That will only make some of them rebellious and it may consume you. Yes!

Its Kunle!


  1. True about that sibling rivalry. It will only lead to resentment among children, exactly how I’m trying to manage my wife now, she did something heinous sometime ago, thought I didn’t know, something other men will divorce immediately, I don’t want to leave her, if I raise it she will run because she will know I monitored her, I’m so sad, it’s killing me inside may God guide me

    1. My Dad lived to Favour my Elder Brother and Sister.

      I was the last and I would hurt everytime but what do I do?
      I obviously grew up far away from him, I only respected him and stayed on my own. Although He's late now but the man didn't treat me well, I always felt like I did something wrong to him even before I was born.

    2. You are under anonymous, pls spill so others can learn from it

    3. I hope it has nothing to do with your siblings. I pray for wisdom in this situation.

  2. Hahahahahahaha...Oga Kunle, e tey when you begin worry oh, but seriously, favoritism should be discouraged in families, there's no positive outcome from it.

  3. Well-articulated! Every emotion captured. I felt I was reliving your story! 👏👏👏

    Parents and grandparents please do better.
    I'm not among the school of thought that believe 'my' parents or grandparents are always right or good.

    Adult offsprings know to correct your parents when they are wrong. Do not follow the advice of the wicked ones.

    Some people's mothers or fathers are outrightly evil but their grown children would indulge their wiles, turn a blind eye or even join them in wrecking havoc in the nuclear as well as extended families.

    Some mothers, fathers, uncles and grandparents are so fetish, putting harm in their relations ways. STOP IT!🛑

    Whatsoever a man soweth so shall he reap!

  4. My grandma stayed with us for years, she never loved us(her daughter didn't marry the man she wanted). Whenever my maternal cousins are around, she gives them preferential treatment. She goes out of her way for them but treats us with disdain. We condoned her excesses because of my mum. I didn't miss her when she died.

  5. Yea, I remember hugging one of my grannys one day and she was shocked and filled with happiness because she showed other of my siblings love but would pick on me at all times. I returned the favour to her by ignoring her for years, it was jut "Good morning ma" "... Afternoon ma" "... Evening ma" and I wouldn't even look back to see if she responded. 😂

    But on that good day when I had come of age, I just hugged her one day and she started shedding tears and wouldn't let me go for long. ☺ Keep resting granny.

  6. My maternal grandma was sitting comfortably on this table. The feeling was mutual as well. Sadly when she died I was indifferent.. As much as I tried to conjure a streak of emotion I could not. May her soul continue to rest in the Lord's place.


  7. Luckily, I was also one of the unpreferred having to work hard for approval till I retired in my twenties. My grandmother made it abundantly care you had to be resident abroad to rank and she didn't warm up to me till I was studying a prestigious course "in the abroad". Her warmness was met with subzero levels of disinterest. I think my grandfather told me he loved me the last time we visited. While my brother holds on t o that memory with his life, I honestly blocked it out and the attempt to recollect deeply irritates me. The trophy of acceptance is worthless and the damage it has done to the family tree, only God can forgive.

    My mother, using the same tools of favouritism passed down tried to create the enmity and competition amongst my siblings but unfortunately for her, my grades and performance thwarted those initially preferred to succeed. As we grew up, she then changed the goalposts to domestic chores and I realized the goalpost remains eternally mobile, moving towards the chosen ones and away from me. Na so I hang jersey.

    I realized that the divide and conquer tool would place upon me a burden I couldn't afford to bear having seen my mother and her siblings crippled by same and quickly forgave my brothers for being pawns and faced front. They would later own up and apologize once they realised what exactly was going on. We can't have that mother-daughter bond as I honestly don't know what to do with it after developing my own system of survival. Seeing daughters close to their mothers really irritates me and rouses my defences.

    The death of my grandparents met a lukewarm grandchild. They had long been demystified the moment I saw their pattern of manipulation with their children and how those generational burdens were passed onto our shoulders. The good they did, I congratulate them for. The bad, I have made peace with. They are after all human. Unlike parents who just wreck families, at least these ones left a little money for therapy.

    As for my parents. It swings from apathy to pity and perhaps at some level, love as a fellow relative. I just don't have any spare skin to burn. Don't take desperate children for granted because once that desperation runs out, there are even no ashes left. People who are angryay still want to heal, to try. People who have had it are done. Not everyone is named Endurance.

    1. You are wise, with a high level of emotional intelligence.

  8. That thing of accusing someone of being a witch and all the while exhibiting real witchery characteristics really gets to me! Like, WTF? Plus they almost always read Bible and/or pray Rosary daily while at it. God is Almighty oooo! Y'all confuse us but you can't confuse Him.

    My paternal grandma was the grand Matron of this set of people. My mum behaved as though she hated my guts for years just because I looked like that grandma and her daughters. It hurt my soul mehn but God so good, Mumsy is now my best friend. I dont know what happened but she did a complete turn around and started showering me with so much love and affection. She even begged for forgiveness and I had to tell her I had forgiven her though I cant forget.

    As for my Dad, that one didnt know half of the things going on under his nose. Just work, work, work and more work while the women in his life - mother, wife, sisters were doing royal rumble in the Spirit realm on the daily. Chai! Eye don see something!
    It is well ooooo.

    My fear is that I married a man like father with similar background and every day I pray that my children will not become the grass that suffers when 2 elephants fight.

    This post brought up a lot of unpleasant memories but it's been cathartic.


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