Stella Dimoko Doctor Freaks Journal - Using Proper Cutlery For The First Time...


Advertisement - Mobile In-Article

Monday, July 05, 2021

Doctor Freaks Journal - Using Proper Cutlery For The First Time...

This is a must read!.... LOL

It may interest a "non-initiate" to know that mandatory attendance of three (3) Law School Dinners constitutes an integral part of the training of a legal practitioner.

The training of a legal practitioner is a "total package". The Council of Legal Education in its finite wisdom has put several programmes together to ensure that every legal practitioner who is baked by the Nigerian Law School is 100 per cent "done".

The mandatory dinners seek to expose a trainee legal practitioner to the rudiments of socialization. There is no gainsaying the fact that in the corporate world, businesses get talked over lunch.

Few weeks into our First Term (as the one-year-programme is broken into three (3) terms) the Law School authority announced that our Dinner would be coming up shortly and we were all advised to prepare. Mind you, it was/is mandatory. The "bad news" for some followed -proper use of cutlery was mandatory and same was to be monitored and assessed!

 Quite a number of us hadn't had cause to use sets of cutlery before that event.

Despite the fact that I (the writer) attended a top rated secondary school (at least it was one of the best at the time) and that I was in the boarding house for a number of years. Out of the years I spent there, I cannot vividly remember any day that I was taught how to handle any of my cutlery.

At home? In my house, I only used spoon! Forks were "for decoration" or when we ran out of spoons. In any event, by a stroke of fate, I had attended some dinners earlier and I had enjoyed some degree of exposure prior to that time, so I was a bit confident. Google was not this close at the time anyways.

Few days before the long awaited Law Dinner, "Finishing Schools" sprang up in several corners of the hostel and lecture theatre. The smart ones who were humble enough to learn "enrolled" and put the "devil to shame". That was before the emergence of Naira Marley, I would have said that they "t'Esu m'ole(d)". The indifferent ones and the "arrogant" ones carried on as if it mattered not. The day of reckoning waited patiently for them.

Then came the D-Day! It was dinner time! 

The venue was one of the halls located just before the lecture theatre (in Lagos Campus). We filed in before the Benchers and other dignitaries. I think ours had a Justice of the Court of Appeal and a Judge of the Lagos State High Court and the ageless Mama HB in attendance. It was the day most of us had looked forward to. Beyond the mouth-watering food with the drink that was about to be served, for me it was the first time I was having that sense of belonging and when my presence at the Nigerian Law School began to make real sense to me.

The ceremony was short. Pep talks flowed from the seniors and Benchers and dinner was served. There is an adage in Yoruba that says "ní ojó ikú erin oríšíríşí obę ló máá ń y'ojú" literally translated thus: " the final resting place of a slain elephant, expect the gathering of an array of knives" (we need not go beyond the lexical level of translation for the purpose of this piece). We all appeared in our various "coats", "suits" (two-piece, three-piece, etc) and tuxedos, and we were ready for the dinner, "our dinner". Immediately dinner was set, everybody attempted to display one skill or the other or the lack of it.

 I can remember the case of a very good friend who ordinarily was a very bold and outspoken person (I won't mention his name) who was for the first time humbled. He suddenly went soft in the face of dinner. Lol. He kept mute throughout and refused to consume his dinner till this moment (thank God, he travels all over the world today). Some struggled until their pieces of chicken developed imaginary wings and flew out of their plates. 

Some found their chickens on the floor and were too shy to pick same up. It was more fierce than the battle of Waterloo! Mech shared the story of her own dinner in Abuja Campus with me, about how a friend of hers suddenly became a "vegetarian" that night!

Towards the end, some colleagues who had earlier come with polythene bags to the hall wrapped theirs up and tucked same in their pockets like village primary school boys (this is a story for another day) and that was how they succeeded in smuggling same out. It was a hilarious experience! Some of us still laughed at ourselves till this moment. Ol' Boy, how did you survive that dinner ("onslaught")? But we all did, one way or the other. I seriously doubt whether we most of us knew the essence of the training then. Maybe, and just maybe it could have been more fun if the full essence had been clearly spelt out at the time.

Today, most of us have had cause to have lunch at various levels and functions; and unknown to us, the confidence with which we approached same may have come from those three (3) mandatory dinners.

This may sound so elementary, but hey! It is not. As parents, we owe our children the duty of teaching them how to use the cutlery and simple dining etiquette, lest they end up as "their parents". Kindly include this lesson in your "To Do List". Trust me, it would come handy someday.

Stay safe. Coronavirus is real.


  1. Lmao @chicken developed imaginary wings and flew out of their plate....can relate 🤣😂😂
    I remember someone said some students were suspended cos they were caught putting food in their pockets....don’t know how true though.
    The very first dinner we had, I looked forward to it. Oh boy, the food was something else, we were disappointed.
    Most of us were like, what is this? Is this what we paid so much for?
    My sister attended same law school with me and she complained about their food.
    Oh well, In all I had a good time.

    1. Wow @ SluttyChic, I didn't realize you were a lawyer. What campus did you attend?

  2. I was taught by my late brother how to use cutlery. And my children know too.

  3. I attended a wedding reception with my parents long ago in a prominent hotel in PH and the stewards; "chicken or fish?". I said chicken. And one was expected to use fork and knife. That was the day I first entered one chance. Come and navigate the chicken with fork and knife, wahala.

    The table before us had so many of the groom's guys that came from the US. I sweated like never before. The chicken parts were dancing to the beats on the background inside the plate each time I made a move to cut some. I could not pin none down.

    I ended up not eating anything. The way I was looking at the chicken parts, if it's now phones are every where, I would have made a good meme.

    I was 17 years then and will never forget that experience.

    A pro now in using cutlery.

    1. @Baltika lolllll!!
      To eat meat like chicken is when you need to show your 'oyibo' skills more.
      If village people come join hand,the pepper in the meat fit even enter your eyes join while struggling to 'pieces' it.
      Na there your ' forming' go end that day.

  4. Our first dinner, the food was nice at least desert got to my table. The subsequent dinners desert was only served to those in the front row facing the body of benchers, we at the back didn't get any.

    Cutleries were flying and making noise, slay queens abandoned their chicken 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    I remember vividly a colleague who abandoned hers because she couldn't use cutlery (with the excuse that her knife was not sharp🙄🙄) well yours truly took the chicken and ate oooo.

    Some people were able to smuggle theirs out of the hall. It was a funny experience

  5. It was sort of mandatory in the secondary school I attended lol. We were served food with knives and forks and were expected to use them during meals.

    But as we got older and became senior girls, we stopped caring so much lol.

  6. This part got me ..
    "Towards the end, some colleagues who had earlier come with polythene bags to the hall wrapped theirs up and tucked same in their pockets like village primary school boys (this is a story for another day) and that was how they succeeded in smuggling same out"...........Laughing out loud!!!

    It reminds me a song by Bright Chimezie 'Ala Bekee'.
    I learnt dinning etiquette in secondary school but hardly practice it,not even when one is very hungry it may slow the process.
    The cutlery I use at home is just spoon,Fork is only when I want to eat solid food like yam.
    It is very necessary we know the etiquette to avoid embarrassment, incase one travels or attends functions,make you no go fall hand.

  7. 🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂

  8. Interesting piece as usual, Dr. Freak.
    Prior to our dinner in 2013, I went online to do rehearsals. I couldn't afford to come and embarrass myself, especially considering the way Udems of NLS Lagos was hammering over the issue.

    My room mates on the other hand, were more confident. After the appetizer which was one tasteless green, slimy soup that i had never seen prior to then...they brought the usual fried rice and chicken.

    KK my good friend and room mate, who was very confident before then, totally disgraced himself as he was fighting with his cutleries. His plate fell down on the floor with his food inside. Worse still, the hall was fitted with rotating security cameras that displayed on screens across the hall. One of the cameras zoomed in on him. I'd never forget the shame, embarrassment and even fear, because such "misbehavior" in the presence of the Body of Benchers is totally unacceptable.

    This piece just brings back interesting memories from NLS Lagos.

    1. 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂
      I can just imagine............

    2. Mr. Udems can worry sha

    3. Mr. Udems can worry sha

    4. KK finished himself lol wetin over confidence dey cause

  9. Interesting and funny read. We were thought how to use cutlery in secondary school, but only use spoon and sometimes fork at home.

  10. This post just reminded me that I cant use cutlery ehhh. I want to learn how can I learn? I already have kids and i would like to teach them also

    1. Knife on the right, fork on the left. Use the fork to pin down and knife to cut. Practice make perfect.

      Good luck

    2. If you want to learn use YouTube

    3. It's not difficult.

      My father graduated from the University of Ibadan & he uses fork & knife to end.
      Note trained himself in School after giving birth to his children.

      What I'm trying to say is that he didn't go to school as a teenager

  11. Thats how I went to one restaurant and ate only rice until my husband decided to help me cut my meat in pieces😂😂😂🤣

  12. I learnt basic dining etiquette at a finishing school. Befriended Google to learn further. I don't practise it though, cos I don't go out. But, I know I won't disgrace myself if I find myself in such position.

  13. I went to a boarding school and we used knife and fork at the refectory.

    In SSS1 I opted for food and nutrition and we had lots of practicals, I learnt etiquette.

    I learnt how to do a bunch of stuff from secondary school and I will be eternally grateful.

  14. This story reminds me of what happened to me. My law school was in north, and immediately I knew I will be leaving in few days ( Our names came out quite late, story for another day) I went and made the most tiniest braids, I wanted something that will last till when i'm back for break

    Immediately i step my foot inside i remember people looking at me with, oh! My God eyes, I even heard some saying, she didn't know? What a pity, funny enough no one walked upto me to say anything. I was so tired, the long journey, getting a room, trying to settle in and then I receive the worst news " You're taking this hair off your head in two days" dinner is in two days.

    The stress of making that hair, not one day, not two. And I'm to take it off in two days, we are way behind lectures, no one to help. That's how I sat down for two days straight to lose that tiny braids just for few hours dinner, how I cried, yes I cried. That first dinner and my experience, is a day I will never forget. And, I couldn't touch my food, cos I was so tired, sad and angry. But the next dinner we had? Lol. I did justice to the food

    1. Eyaaaaa, I can imagine..........

  15. Haha. There are many things I didn't actually learn but after observing others or watching movies it comes naturally to me. Cooking, vocab and cutlery use are some of them. My house was a free house so anything you like hand, spoon, fork but fast forward to uni I attended a retreat and as soon as I picked up the fork and knife it was as though I have been using it all my life. I was so fast, zero clumsiness.

  16. I actually sent my kids for classes on etiquette. The finale was lunch at a restaurant and they all had to dress up. Great seeing them pull through anytime. Napkins on laps etc .

  17. Those things are trash and forms of enslavement. The only thing you owe yourself when it comes to food is to comfortably eat it in any manner that suites you. Don't try to impress anyone with the use of curtelary if you can't


Disclaimer: Comments And Opinions On Any Part Of This Website Are Opinions Of The Blog Commenters Or Anonymous Persons And They Do Not Represent The Opinion Of

Pictures and culled stories posted on this site are given credit and if a story is yours but credited to the wrong source,Please contact and corrections will be made..

If you have a complaint or a story,Please Contact Via
Mobile Phone +4915210724141