Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 36

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Sunday, August 01, 2021

CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 36

I met a young lady at the airport last week while I was returning from Lagos.

 The flight was delayed “due to operational reasons” and while we waited, I found myself sitting close to this beautiful, young woman.











From the information I gathered during our conversation she is in her late twenties....


After jokingly telling her that we were stuck together for the next couple of hours; that she would have to manage with my shenanigans. She smiled and we started talking. She asked me if I was married, and I replied “yes”. Then came the question I often have to answer “where is your wedding ring?”


“I don’t wear one”, my standard answer. Naturally, she asked me why. I tried explaining my reasons. All the points I tried giving to her weren’t valid enough as far as she was concerned. Her point was that as long as we were wedded with a ring in the church, I was obligated to always put on the ring. She also added that we married men these days don’t like putting on our rings because it makes it convenient for us to cheat on our wives.

I felt she was making a wrong assumption from her over-generalization but then she is entitled to her own opinion. Ring or no ring, the one that will cheat will always cheat. Besides, for someone like me. It will be very difficult to convince any woman that I wasn’t married; and denying my family and wife will rank among the stupidest thing I would ever do because I want to cheat.

I lost my wedding ring two years into my marriage and I have never worn one since then. Losing the ring then was ironic because I couldn’t tell my wife the truth about how I lost it. I simply told her I lost it at work since we were sometimes required to take off our rings before doing certain jobs to avoid entrapment of our fingers.

But over the years, I have noticed that a lot of us married men no longer wear their wedding rings. When I came back to Port Harcourt from that trip, I did a rough scan of our “fellowship center” in one of the evening hangouts. I discovered that ninety percent of us married men in that place where not putting on rings. So, I brought up the topic. I asked why they don’t wear their wedding rings.

The most common two response I got were because they have grown fatter in their fingers and the rings no longer fit it; and they found wearing ring inconveniencing. Another interesting thing from that discussion was that some of them have also lost their rings and didn’t bother replacing it like me.

Others felt they have been married for too long and didn’t have to wear a ring to prove that they are married. They feel that you should know they are married by their ages whether they wear ring or not.

Coincidentally, while we were having this conversation, a woman was sitting nearby and she made a bombshell comment. “Girls these days even prefer dating married men that wear wedding rings”. Really? She went further “A man that puts on his wedding rings shows a committed husband and a serious person at that. Such men make for better sugar daddies if they want to cheat. They pay better and treat the side chicks better”. 


Wow!

The conversation continued and we all shared our different views.

My wife has never been really particular about me wearing my wedding ring. It never bothered her. After I lost mine. We didn’t even talk about replacing it and I have continued like that till this day. I personally don’t see any correlation between wearing the ring and your commitment to the marriage. But then, we all have our different opinions and values. Each to his own.

Just a few points on wedding rings.

One, if your partner places much value on the it and if wearing it makes them happy. Kindly wear it.

 If your religion or value system requires you to wear it, please do.

 If it’s your way of showing commitment to your marriage or if it is a symbol of your honour to the sacrament of marriage. By all means wear it. But understand that some of us may not feel that way. It doesn’t make us less committed husbands.

Two, wearing a ring doesn’t stop or encourage one to cheat. As a matter of fact, I know people that pull off their rings as soon as they leave home. Others even wear their rings while doing the escapades. It doesn’t really matter. Though for some, waring a ring can be a sign of respect for their marital vows. But it doesn’t stop anyone from cheating.

Three, some people don’t like wearing rings, I am a good example of such. Even before I lost mine, it was always a struggle for me wearing the ring. These days, my wife doesn’t even wear hers anymore because her fingers are bigger than the rings now. It always a problem trying to pull them off whenever she wears them. Besides, I don’t care whether she wears it or not and never bother myself about it.

Lastly, like I would always say. Do what works for you and your partner. Whether you wear your ring or not is entirely up to you and your partner. It’s your choice.

I will leave it at that for this week.


See ya next week…


Ciao!

60 comments:

  1. Smh.

    My husband knows I'm not the type that will be cool with him leaving the house without his ring. He has never taken it off since the wedding. The only time I took out mine was when I was pregnant and my fingers became fatter. I even contemplated getting a bigger one cos I just wasn't comfortable not wearing one but my husband asked what would then happen when i give birth and my fingers return to it's original size.

    Why will u not wear ur ring as a married person except u do a kind of job that it would hinder (and that would only be during work).

    You are a very weird person sha. I'm not sure u respect the institutin of marriage that much

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I forget to wear my ring a lot(I always remove it once I get home), my hubs is not fixated on it. It doesn't invalidate our union. People ask where my ring is at times when I'm out, and I give them the answer; I forgot to wear it, just like I did this morning to church.

      Delete
    2. You heard what he said, do what works for you, don't use yours to judge him. You that respects the institution of marriage do oh

      Delete
    3. As in ehhhhh, this man tick all the boxes of a wrong husband. Oga please start taking marriage very important, you behave like you were forced to it. I always have this inner pity for your wife ewo

      Delete
    4. How is it your business madam? You have a way of talking down on people's husbands on this blog. It's wrong, stop it! If I call your husband a simp now ,would you like it?

      Delete
    5. How is it your business madam? You have a way of talking down on people's husbands on this blog. It's wrong, stop it! If I call your husband a simp now ,would you like it?

      Delete
    6. Hope the poster won't mind if his wife decides to stop wearing her ring because she just doesn't like rings.

      Delete
    7. Anon, call my husband whatever u want to call him, it will never change him from being the amazing husband he is.

      Delete
    8. @Eka Joy, be careful that just maybe your husband complains about your attitude to someone. Why would you talk down on another person's husband because of his preference of not wearing a wedding band? When did that become a yardstick for respect and commitment to marriage? You really need to work on your attitude because it stinks to the high heavens. My colleague doesn't wear jewelleries and her husband is fine with it, will that make me say she's weird and does not respect marriage. Always weigh your words before rushing to type or say to people. I rarely comment on this blog buy I just had to respond to this, the world doesn't rotate around you and what you term right.

      Delete
    9. Eka,thank you for that amazing reply to the annoying anon. Why body dey pepper you anon?!Leave Eka alone!

      Delete
    10. Eka you project your very young marriage on others too much here and use it to judge their marriages. Stop it . Live and let live.

      Delete
    11. I personally do not wear my rings:
      I am not a jewelry person, they feel itchy so before I know it, they are off, same way I feel about earings.
      I used to wear before I my fingers got fatter during my first pregnancy, but during pregnancy I was off the rings and somehow it stuck.

      I make sure I wear it to particular places or occasions like church, birthdays, evening outings with my friends. Etc

      But got my daily work, I do not, like you'd see me mostly without than with and my hubby has gotten used to it.
      He wears his more than mine
      When we are trying to be naughty we don't wear when we go on a date

      Delete
    12. Eka joy n generalization are twins..ring n respect for marriage institution, pls park well, u marriage is too young for u to act as a know it all.

      Delete
    13. Key words --> very young marriage.

      Delete
    14. Eka, there is something called humility and you need truckloads of it.

      Delete
    15. Eka. Please learn to keep silent on some issues and instead take learnings. I have been married 8 years and my husband after about 3 months stoped wearing his rings. I can say 99 percent that my husband has and probably will never cheat. Wearing a ring does not make a man faithful. A man that will cheat will cheat. Only discipline and the fear of God makes either a man or woman not to cheat. I hope you also stop talking about your marriage and family. It's way to young to be publicised. Stop it.

      From a woman to you please learn to just talk without referring to your husband and kid ALL the time. Occasionally maybe yes BUT not always.

      Even yourself sometimes you talk about your past and I wonder if it's necessary for a public space. Learn to zip it dear. Not everyone needs to know the details.

      Delete
  2. I am a woman that doesn't like wearing rings, my hubby wears his daily..I got bigger and finer so my 2 rings don't fit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most women wear their ring all the time but when you check their husbands finger you can never find a ring

      Delete
    2. The very discussion I had with my hubby this morning.

      Wearing the ring doesn't stop the cheating. What our eyes saw this past weekend eh...it us heavy for the mouth

      Delete
  3. There is no where in scriptures that says wedding ring is a Christian thing. A lot of us are following blindly that is why we think it’s necessary to have one on. God does not approve of it and that is final.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Back it up with scriptures as usual or is this an exception?

      Delete
    2. Twin Squared there is nowhere wedding ring was stated in the Bible.

      White wedding gown was also not mentioned.

      These things were adopted by the church.


      The much we know was when Abraham's servant, Eliezer put a nose ring on Rebecca and gave her bracelets. It was never recorded that Isaac wore a ring or gave Rebecca any wedding ring.

      GOOGLE THE ORIGIN OF WEDDING RING. ๐Ÿ’

      Delete
  4. True..
    I used to wear weddings band some years back and the way girls were throwing themselves on me ehn Lol,. Even one Chidinma girl who later got married and wanted to report her cheating husband to me, I was like Chidinma you can't tell me you didn't date married men cos when you met me, you thought I was married and that didn't stop you from chatting dirty with me and giving me a peak on my lips that same day when you were leaving Lol.. she now starting saying rubbish,. Saying she's not mad cos he's cheating but that she told him to tell her if he wants to, as if the ones she went out with in her single years took permission from their wives... Mtcheew Lol.. she thought I'll support her to demonize her husband like all those people that don't have sense.. you got what you deserve and you're complaining.. is it the contented ones who refused to follow married men that should be the ones to suffer such before.. no nah, that's not fair.. greedy babe go marry greedy man with roving eyes to balance the equation..

    Happy new month Fam

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Majority of married women crying now that their husbands are cheating on them also dated married men while in school.

      Although, not all, I married a virgin and I never dated any married man before, yet my husband cheated after just 10 months of wedding, he regretted and left the girl and never done that again.

      Delete
  5. Well, I love wearing my rings because it's part of accessories for me, but these days I hardly wear them because in my own case it is now big for my finger and it's fading away

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same here o, I love my wedding rings and likewise my husband too. He has been using one fashion ring before we even married. So now, you can't see him without his wedding band




      *Larry was here*

      Delete
  6. Poster come closer let me ask you something, how did you misplace your ring?
    My hubby too misplaced his ring 5 months into our marriage while we were moving places(he used to remove it everyday when he gets back from work). He however bought another almost immediately and has gotten used to wearing it, he doesn't even remove it again, it's permanently on his fingers. But you see me? I remove the ring every single time I get back home, I still forget to wear it a lot of times but I'm not bothered neither is my hubby.
    My ring is more like a fashion piece for me, and I'm careful with it more because of its monetary value tbh.
    We both are kinda cool wearing it or not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't wear my ring but my husband does. No big deal ๐Ÿคท

      Delete
    2. Dainty, you just described my hubby and I here. Wow!

      Delete
  7. My inlaw has never removed his ring, even at home. 24hrs, I wonder how he does that. My sister is the one that find it difficult to wear her ring

    Married men not wearing their ring is so annoying. You see a man, you try shooting your shot, bam something comes up and you discover he is married. Always wear your ring bikonu, so that we singles can differentiate

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My husband wears his ring and still toast girls and they accept, wearing rings has nothing to do with today's girls as far as you have money

      Delete
    2. My husband has never removed his wedding ring 25 years into our marriage. I’ve removed my wedding band because it’s tighter but my engagement and eternity rings are always on

      Delete
  8. My husband ring got washed out with fuel a month after our wedding, he never replaced it. He is not a ring person and it doesn't change his commitment to the marriage.

    I wasn't wearing mine for a while but for 2yrs now, I bought new one.

    Wearing a ring doesn't change anything because a cheat will definitely cheat.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't wear mine, I threw it into my bag and forgot it there. Thing is, I don't know if there is a name for it, but I get very uncomfortable when I wear it and I'll keep twisting it around my finger, the discomfort doesn't stop till I remove it.
    My hubby doesn't wear his either and we are cool with it. ๐Ÿคท‍♀️๐Ÿ’

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought I was the only one on this table, my finger will itch me till I pull it off though it's a fashion ring.

      Delete
    2. Oh ho!! So we're in the same boat? ⛵๐Ÿšข

      Delete
    3. You are my twin
      Once I get to my store all jewelry comes off๐Ÿคฃ
      I can't count how many earrings I have misplaced
      It's just not my thing
      The only thing that stayed a while was my waist beads which has even cut ๐Ÿคฃ

      Delete
  10. Lagos Mainland Girl1 August 2021 at 13:57

    Personally,am not a jewelry person,most of my earrings are studs,if i buy huge earrings i end up not wearing them.

    I would love to have a husband that wears his wedding band
    As for me,the only ring that will be on my finger will be the wedding ring

    How people wan know say i marry if i no wear ring na? LOL..
    With my petite stature

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am waiting for when the wife will start writing her own chronicles so she can say she met a handsome young man at the airport and engaged him in conversation. And even went ahead to tell him that he would have to deal with her shenanigans through out the flight. I would really like to know if the guy would ask her why she wasn't wearing her wedding rings. Don't mind me oh...I am just musing. Hmmm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon 14:40 ueeeeeh ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

      He will pursue her nah,if he gets to know nobi naija men again

      Delete
  12. My husband uses his every second, he doesn't even remove it at all. Only when I told him to bring it so that I can wash it, and same as me. It's always on my finger 247, it's part of my dressing. I naturally love fashion rings even before I marry



    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm female and may probably not be wearing a wedding ring if it's not gold, cause my skin reacts to products that have nickel in it.
    I pray we will be able to afford gold rings when the time comes ����

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm not a ring wearing type.. infact any form of jewelry I buy usually stays in my wardrobe, with the exception of earrings which I wear occasionally to events.
    So when I finally get married I doubt I will wear a wedding ring.
    My two brother inlaws don't wear rings, neither have I seen my two big bros wear their wedding rings.
    To me it should be by choice, not by force.
    Who wan cheat go still cheat.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I don't wear mine, I feel choked when I put it on. my husband complains alot but the funny thing is he doesn't wear his, and it's kinda funny to me when he starts getting angry over me not wearing mine. Iam majorly ringless most times.

    ReplyDelete
  16. And the men frown at their young wives not wearing their rings.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am not married but I wear a wedding ring to attract side chics

    ReplyDelete
  18. My wedding ring, wristwatch, phone, wallet, handkerchief/facetowel....these are the things I can never go anywhere without...I feel naked if I'm not with any of them. I've never gone out without my wedding ring since I got married. My wife's ring no longer fits so she doesn't use hers and I'm not bothered about it

    ReplyDelete
  19. I've been married for 11 years,I don't wear my ring most times and my husband isn't a jewelry person even when we were dating.so he doesn't even wear it except on special occasions. But I am married to an amazing husband n we are comfortable with or without the ring.it is better to be a responsible husband without wearing ring then always wear the ring to Lodge with girls in hotels.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I’ve been married for 14 years and don’t think I notice when my husband wears or doesn’t wear. I don’t also do phone checking. I just told him once that if you cheat, it’s your commitment between you and God who you will give account to on the day of judgement. I can’t have sleepless night on things that don’t matter. I wear mine always because I like fashion and I feel it sends a message to others to keep off cos I’m married.

    ReplyDelete
  21. My husband has never complained about me not wearing rings. I stopped wearing 2 years after we got married and he never complained for one sec. He always wears his. A cheat that cannot respect the word of God will not be stopped by a ring when he wants to cheat. Wearing of rings has nothing to do with infidelity.

    ReplyDelete
  22. This dude is a cheat, the self righteous kind. He deceives himself that he is walking the tightrope but bros you don cross finish. You no fit hide am from discerning people. Flight delayed, pick up a newspaper and mind your business. Quick to accost unsuspecting single ladies, threatening shenanigans. Na dem

    ReplyDelete
  23. I stopped wearing my ring cos I sold mine to raise money for schol fees since it was gold as things got difficult. I bought a cheap one from all this mallams but I don't really wear it cos i get itchy and uncomfortable. My husband wears his until we sold is own too. It is well wearing of ring has nothing to do with cheating

    ReplyDelete
  24. I've been married for 27 yrs and I never wore my rings after the wedding day. My husband hates jewelry,he doesn't even wear a wristwatch except occasionally. I wear jewelry, mainly gold but I hate it when water traps between my ring and my skin; unfortunately I've been obsessed with washing my hands since my teens so I keep losing rings because I must pull it off before washing my hands.
    I personally do not think wearing of rings stops anyone male or female from cheating. Nothing does except the fear of God

    ReplyDelete
  25. I have been married for over 20 years I have been wearing my wedding ring my husband lost his own a year after our weeding and I don't even care my anger was the cost of the ring it was very expensive since then he doesn't wear any ring and that does not make him to love me less he adores me and respects me and that all that matters to me not ring.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I have been married for over 20 years I have been wearing my wedding ring my husband lost his own a year after our weeding and I don't even care my anger was the cost of the ring it was very expensive since then he doesn't wear any ring and that does not make him to love me less he adores me and respects me and that all that matters to me not ring.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Eka joy relax and enjoy your young marriage we can talk after ten years of your marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Wearing ring or not that cannot make a man not to cheat on his wife, the ring self make alot of men to cheat more cos one cannot tell who their wives Could be.

    To me I will not care weather my husband wears it or not cos I don't like anything that will disturb me. If I get married it will be hard for me to always wear a ring cos of the discomfort.

    Whatever makes you and your spouse happy please do it.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Men love saying rubbish, but let their wives stop wearing a ring and they remember why a wedding ring is so necessary

    ReplyDelete

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