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Sunday, August 15, 2021


There is a trend that is becoming a normal these days. 

Young ladies are no longer enthusiastic about getting married. This is bringing about a new category of married men and side chick relationships. The type I like to call “relationships of convenience”.

Remember the young lady I told you guys I met at the airport some weeks? We chatted for about three hours before our flight was called. During the course of our conversation, I asked her about getting married. Her response was quite similar to the kind of response you get from young women these days.

She said “I’m not thinking of getting married yet, I want to get my own investments and set-up myself before I think of marriage”, . 

The funny thing is that she is already working in one of the biggest multinational companies in the country; she is earning in six figures. When I probed further, I found out she wasn’t even in any relationship. She is not a religious person either so it not about her “sinning”

She has had her fair share of relationships and decided that she has had enough and want to focus on her life. She also stated that the kind of men coming her way are not serious people. They are either players, gold-diggers or people below her standards; and she doesn’t want to date down.

She was a very intelligent lady that could match my conversation and carries herself well. Listening to her talk got me really asking myself. Where are the good men?

The thing about marriage is that the man should be the leader and the head no matter the level of the woman. These days, there are lots of high achieving women. For marriages to such women to work, the men will need to do better. They need to possibly earn better, think better, behave better and should be able to manage such women at that capacity in other for the marriage to stand the chance of surviving. Lots of marriages are failing today because men are still trying to manage women with their parochial mindsets.

So, back to the issue of “relationship of convenience”

In my bad old days, I dated some of such women as a married man. That was when I started noticing this trend. They were involved in such relationship not because they wanted to get married, or they needed my money or they wanted me to sponsor their lifestyles. But then, I still have to spend on them but not that kind of “send me urgent 5k” women.

For the purpose of the narration, I would talk about three of them. One was a banker, the other works for an insurance firm while the last one was a software developer who mostly work remotely. They all have their comfortable apartments, could pay their bills and feel they don’t need any unnecessary complications of their lives in the name of marriage .....

While the relationships lasted, it was convenient for us. They never bothered me and neither did I. They knew I was married and respected that. We only met when it was convenient for both parties. And by virtue of my kind of work, communication was easy when I am away for work. Whenever I’m home, they don’t call except I do. I helped whenever I could.

As a woman, you would always need a man in your life. It could be for company, for pleasure, for companionship or someone to always talk to and share your burdens with. You can deceive yourself for so long that you don’t need a man. At some point, biology, psychology and body physiology will kick in. This is what get some of them into relationships with married men.

But why married men you may ask? Why not get a single man? Why destroy another woman’s marriage and happiness not to talk of the fact that it is morally wrong?

The simple answer is “convenience”. I have had this discussion with lots of such young women and I can speak from personal experience. Using the words of one of them, though not verbatim…

“A married man will not call you at 11pm in the night asking you where you are. He will not call you out of the blues telling you to come to his place like you are jobless, he respects you and your wishes; no time for unnecessary dramas and finally they are more mature and treat women better”

I’m not doing this write-up to justify the randy cheating married men or the young women indulging in such acts. I’m just trying to point out that such things are happening these days and it’s becoming rampant. You probably know one or two persons involved in such acts as you read.

I got the scare of my life when one told me she wanted to have a baby for me. That I shouldn’t bother about taking care of the baby or taking responsibility for it. Baba took off for his life. The Urhobo man in me would rather take her as a second wife rather than have a child out of wedlock. And that would mean me cutting down the days of my life.

A large part of this problem is the men. I have more than five younger colleagues who are way above thirty and earning well, who are not even thinking about getting married. They just want to live their lives and have fun. Lots of them are not even emotionally ready to keep a woman at home. How can such men handle the breeds of women we have these days?

This is my two cents on this issue.

The modern society has created an imbalance which will become obvious as the years go by. Talk about Isaiah 4:1. We have emphasized on women empowerment for so long that we forgot about the men. These days, we find young women leaving schools and you will see them learning trades and other skills just to meet up and support their future husbands. Are the men doing likewise? I will leave you to answer that.

Now more than ever, we need reorientation of the men. To be better husbands and better fathers. Women are doing more these days trying to push boundaries and become better wives who will be partners with their husbands. We the men need to do better. I also need to do better...

On other hand, the women will also need to be willing to render support and assist. Some of the so-called married men who look good and seem better at treating women were the products of time and patients of other women. Many women these days don’t want to sacrifice for any man. They all want already made men. So, who will do the work?

 'till next week.



  1. Eyin boda oni sina, onye
    Men steady setting standards for women that they themselves can't attain. See the way you casually talked about dating 3 women while married, hian!!!!
    Nonsense girl jam ashawo man, case dismissed.

    1. And the wife was busy hating on another lady who didn't offend her because she's more exposed. Mschew!

  2. In my opinion, men need women more than women need men. Men have willed themselves over to sex, and such, become slaves to women. Marriage is not so desirous anymore. Those women sleeping with married men are disillusioned by marriage and I don't blame them. The truth is many women are empowering themselves, not to be better wives but to survive without a man. That is the end goal, the man is no longer the price, just jara.

    1. 🎩

    2. ...and the 'smart' one just exposed the typical mindset of the Nigerian woman-Dependency. Marriage is for Companionship and each party have to come with their 'A' game. Broken women will be out trying to prove a point from a negative perspective and will always fall short at the end. abound of your 'woke, independent, self made' celebrities that have all been found out to have a 'supplier' behind the curtains. Who is deceiving who.
      True, stand-up women on the other hand, are busy building themselves such that, whenever, wherever, they'll be there as a complete package, 'A' game on point.... A True Companion.

    3. I wish I can give you a just said what's on my mind

    4. It's delusional to think that a woman is burning the midnight candle just to be a complete package for a man. She is coming out tops in school, building a career just to be 'a complete package'.. Lol.. Oga, be deceiving yourself. Ataga's wife that is a a complete package, did the man not stain her white? Abeg, we women know the truth. If a man is worth it, bless his heart. But entitled men that believe a young lady's aspiration is to be a complete package for them, while they have no respect for thier marriage, undressing everywhere they go.. Sorry is their name.

    5. Typical, lacking basic comprehension skills. You didn't see both parties are to bring their 'A' game Abi? Fakes, talking game online but closet dependents. Keep your 'TRUTH' to yourself... Let those that can, build themselves in sincerity and without undue prejudice.

  3. Marriage is not "a complication" as you put it.
    Marriage is a beautiful thing that the Lord God made for man and woman to love,
    cherish themselves and procreate.
    It is selfish folks like you (in the above narration), who get "married" and still
    go for away matches with silly, nonchalant, selfish, lust-laden women
    who are on evangelism for the Kingdom of darkness to populate it with lustful souls.
    These lascivious women are on a mission; "like bandits they lie in wait to multiply the unfaithful among men..."

  4. if we talk about the imbalance in relationship. we can talk about it for years. Women are not what they usee to be,so are men. They only thing i expect from pple is to contend for good people. when u see pple who hv worked on themselves be it man or woman , contend for them. bring them closer and build good things together

  5. Entitlement is the root of a lot of these problems

    Another is one person must work on a marriage

  6. Its finally out, so u have been cheating on your wife, it's been said here that your view of marriage is warped, you had an affair with not just one woman but 4 of them, u no try abeg.
    Basket woman, abeg dash him dozens of them to cover his face and Shame

    1. It takes the special grace of the Lord, for an offshore guy not to cheat, like really special grace. And they lie so much that they're single, when they know you're not the type that date married men. God that sees my heart, has saved me from the hands of 5 of them, I discovered before time. Now if you say offshore, I run and not look back. Terrible people, don't know whether mami water dey through cheating to them, cos of the water they work close to

  7. Lemme write this before I finish reading '...because they are matured and treat women better' LIES!

    If they are matured enough there brains should tell them that they're not being faithful to their wives and there by not treating their women right/better

  8. All these randy men trying every possible means to justify their cheating habits...haba.Pls rather than cause ur wife heartbreaks by having random side chicks,marry more than one wife,at least polygamy is still legal in Nigeria,and more honourable and sincere,if u ask me.Than.pretending to be a husband to one wife,with numerous side hens.
    My own is that as a young lady,i never ever consciously dated a married man,and ran as far as my legs could take me if i jam anyone,so if my husband tries that shit with me,both him and his side fowls will have it hot hot..I keep sounding it in his ears everyday,him sef no go believe am.

  9. I knew from his man's write-up that he cheats or will cheat on his wife. Why asking the lady u met on plane all these questions? I won't be surprised u still chat and will likely meet up with her soon. And then I saw urobo man and I gave up.πŸ™„
    Oga I haven't learnt anything from this your chronicle. Can it be thrashed please Γ nd let real men write theirs?

  10. Nice write up. Modern society has made marriage or relationship complex. We all need to braceup and work hard force the good of marriage and their product.

  11. Dear single ladies, do not consider any "relationship of convinence " as described by the writer. There is nothing good about it. Whatever you do, there is always an implication. You cannot be smarter than the devil when you are sinning. Run away from any married man that encourages you to date them. Some people are devil's agent. I am married and some married men have also asked me out using that " relationship of convinence" slang. Cheating on partner is a sin, dating a married man is a sin. I am no saint but I will still condemn it anyway. Don't let a confused married man use you to actualize his fantansies...

    1. An Idiot will deceive and cheat himself. May I not be an idiot

  12. What I choose to take from this article is that men need to think more of what they can offer to a woman besides money. Most men grew up with the mentality that all they needed to get a woman is money. So when they meet one who has her money and isn't depending on them, they are unable to handle it.

    More and more women are able to cater for themselves financially, so you need more than money to get one who is willing to be in a committed relationship like marriage.

    Also, I think many young ladies like the poster has dated are jaded. They most likely grew up watching their mothers fade away while their fathers had the time of their lives dating multiple women, hence they are not interested in becoming their mothers. They choose to have no strings affairs and that is possible with married men who don't want to lose their families.

    If I'm been honest, if I could have kids without a man as one of my worst fears is ending up with a horrible husband, I won't mind staying on my own However, due to my christian background, premarital sex is out of the question, I would NEVER have an affair with a married man and I wouldn't want to deliberately bring a child into this world without a responsible husband and father by my side.

    1. Truth. They are also jaded because they have all these married men chasing them, so they wonder if that is what marriage is all about... Managing a cheating partner. they lose interest cos they can get as many of them to undress at will. So nothing special...
      I think our society is bereft of love.. Basic milk of human kindness.. Treat others how u want to be treated.. Most difficult rule in the world.

  13. "As a woman, you would always need a man in your life. It could be for company, for pleasure, for companionship or someone to always talk to and share your burdens with. You can deceive yourself for so long that you don’t need a man. At some point, biology, psychology and body physiology will kick in. This is what get some of them into relationships with married men."

    Wow. And you why did you, a married man, get into a relationship with other women? I will agree if you say that both genders need each other. Not you, a man, who 'needed' three other women apart from your wife, to insinuate that women need men more. Oh puhlease. I can also argue that men need women more. It is not good for a man to be alone. A woman was made as a help for man because he needed her...

    And besides please let's be careful what we say. Don't use biological needs to justify adultery and fornication. Who we ultimately need is God. If we stick to him, he gives the spirit of self control for our desires. It's a spirit we all need, both singles and married. It's the lack of it that drives married ones to adultery, if not their spouse should be enough. Most people fuel their biological needs with porn, sin and perversion. More sex won't save our generation, only God can.

  14. In truth, I am worried about the future of the Nigerian male child. Some fathers are still passing on archaic mindsets that have kept men in one place. When you challenge them, they bring in religion and culture. But they miss out on the big picture. In 2021, men believe fatherhood is only providing financially when children need both parents to raise them. In 2021, more boys and young men are choosing crime over hard work. In 2021, many children are growing up without fathers. All because of a warped sense of what it means to be men. This alarm the writer sounded is important. I see more male students breaking down now and I am worried about them.

    1. We cannot generalize that more boys are choosing crime over hard work, not even in Nigeria. Many are learning to trade, to learn free analytics online classes, learn to code and are working remotely from Nigeria. They are not yahoo boys but smart kids who are trying to do what Indians do for the American service industry with no Goverment support! My daughter, an engineer said a lot of the folks in her coding classes said they lived in Lagos, teasing them that they wished they could make as much as the ones here. Many young men and women are doing things to better their lives silently. Coursera, SheCodes and a lot of sites can get you into basic coding whether young male or female free initially with the rest more affordable and you can work remotely in Lagos snd make $. Nigerians are the most adaptable z& hardest working people I know. As cold as Alaska is, there are many Nigerians there because they tend to pay more to attract talent due to their nearly year round winter.

      Upbringing is the most important thing and I’m assuming the writer is above 40. That generation of Nigerian men were raised to think they are the next best thing to sliced bread. They think cooking, childcare is the woman’s work and they cannot eat “egusi alone” that men are polygamous by nature. Blame it on our mother’s generation for foisting this bunch of entitled mostly gender-arrogant men on the society. I chose to raise my kids to all learn to cook, clean and do all chores equally so all my kids who have their places, grocery shop, cook even dishes I did not teach them and are more creative in the kitchen. The author is a stereotypical macho Naija man who firstly cheats on his wife without batting an eyelid, secondly who thinks by inference marriage is a competition between the husband and the wife. It’s not true. Unfortunately I see that mindset in some men who don’t like their wives to be more successful and some who will deplete the last dime the woman has on her using one reason or the other.

      In all these situations, we all need genuine repentance, and we need to find our way back to God and reject incomplete or outright erroneous Bible teachings. The Bible says “submit yourselves one to another” but because most preachers are men you mostly hear “wives submit to you OWN husbands as unto the Lord”. Most men are not submitted unto the Lord but want a submitted woman so they can live recklessly without being accountable to anyone! A headless man CANNOT be the head of a household because Christ should be your head then you the head of the woman. When you have Christ as your head, you will recognize a submissive woman but an adulterous man is a headless man and cannot appreciate a proverbs 31 submissive wife. Women, let’s raise our male kids to do chores & respect women, likewise the female ones too and let the girls know they can succeed in any vocation. Again it’s not about being able to hold a conversation with a more intelligent woman, it’s about the type of conversation you decide to hold at a given point. Like a preacher said, “I cannot get home & tell my wife to turn to her neighbor and say it is well”, the roles, contexts etc are different. Adultery whether by a man or woman is unjustifiable. Leave the man or woman if you want to be sleeping around. There isn’t any excuse. It’s the main reason society is breaking down globally with the internet and television using sex to sell nearly everything.

  15. Some women will be quick to condemn the writer but many of what he wrote are the truth. The most important truth is that adultery between a married man and a married woman/an unmarried lady as well as fornication between unmarried couples are bad and sin. If a girl says she won't have sex with a married man, it is cool, but having sex with a single man is bad as well. Both men and women need to keep their chastity until the wedding night. Ladies should stop fooling themselves that it is okay to sleep with single guys, as two wrongs don't make a right. Total abstinence is the best policy for your sanity.

  16. When I was OK financially I was like to hell with men, but now eh I tell myself if I have a good man in my life I won't be going all through this stress.


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