Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Dr Freaks Journal - If You Dont Know The Story, Shut Up!

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Thursday, September 02, 2021

Dr Freaks Journal - If You Dont Know The Story, Shut Up!


Recently, a friend of mine made a "side comment" (not in a negative sense though) about the occasional "Public Displays of Affection" (P.D.A) between me and my spouse and I simply smiled. Unknown to that friend of mine, that smile was pregnant with meanings.






 


Where do I start from?


As much as I undertake not to sound stereotypical, for the record, let me state that my wife is from the Eastern part of Nigeria (Whatever that means to my reader.)

We both graduated from the University at the same time and both got called to the Nigerian Bar. For the first one year of my practice, I was still trying to find my feet like most of my contemporaries, until "fortune smiled upon me" and I found my way to a law firm where I had the best time of my pupilage years!


One thing led to another, in 2008, whilst I was still staying with my sister for the simple reason that I could not afford to rent an apartment of my own with the pittance I was earning at the time, my spouse and I decided to walk down the aisle. I won't bore my reader with unnecessary details here. 


In 2008, we got married at a popular church around Lekki-Lagos and the reception followed somewhere in Ajah-Lagos. After the razmattaz, we checked into our room in one "2-star" hotel in Omole Housing Estate and had our bespoke "honeymoon", for one night! The following day, we were back in my sister's house as husband and wife. Eight days after she had to be away for some months again, whilst I remained at my sister's. To God be the glory, through the help of some God-sent vision helpers, we were able to rent our own apartment 3 months after marriage.



 As God would have it, our landlord and family turned out to be FAMILY! I can remember that first visit they made to our apartment. Few days after we moved in, my landlord offered to pay us a visit but I was not so excited about the visit because we had just 2 plastic chairs in that massive living room of ours then, and the smallest TV money could buy, and I think a deep freezer we were gifted by our "Sponsors" on our wedding day. I eventually acceded to their request and hosted them.



One thing struck my mind, despite the pitiable condition in which we were living, the couple did not express any form of shock, instead, they elected to encourage us with their own story. Their words pierced through my mind. Ours was a 3-bedroom flat after all, they started from a one-bedroom apartment and God had elevated them. Slow and steady wins the race. We forged ahead, my Igbo Princess stood by me, and God kept us alive.


At some point, I had to sell my most valuable property in life -my car, to be able to sustain the young family and I was forced to move around in "Danfo" and "Okada" for 1 year and 3 months, guess what, I was undeterred. Do you know what, under 24 hours, God blessed me with 2 cars thereafter: one official; the other personal.


I've had cause to sell another car to pay school fees. Life goes on.


My most memorable experience was one rainy day. I was returning from work and I was wearing my new grey suit for the very first time. (Thanks to my brother HD, the one who made it possible for many struggling lawyers like me to wear decent suits by extending to us a flexible payment plan.) It rained cats and dogs and I had prayed to God in my heart to at least stop the rain and preserve my new pair of suit. By the time I would reach my bus stop, the tempo of the rain had increased and I had to seek shelter in the market stalls around the bus stop. All the roofs were leaking and I was drenched by the rain. Thank God my laptop was salvaged because I had since bought a large polythene bag and tucked my laptop bag inside, but my new pair of suit was not so lucky. Chemical reactions took place, there was colour separation! I attempted to dye my precious suit after but it got worse. I lost it, but I did not lose hope. I forged ahead and she stood by me.


If you are reading this and you are a woman and you know in your heart of hearts that you can marry a man who is squatting with his sister at the time of marriage, feel free to judge me.


If you are reading this, and you know that you could marry a man who was earning 35,000 Naira in 2008, envy her.


She was there when it mattered most in my life. She knew me when I had 2 pairs of shoes, or less and when we both slept on a mat for more than 2 weeks before my sister gifted us her bed and mattress.


So, within me, I was just saying to my friend -"if you don't know my story, just keep your mouth shut because you really don't know me".


On a day like this, I can only look back and say thank you Lord.


In any event, I will forever be an advocate of "start little and grow big, together".


Stay safe
It's Kunle!

44 comments:

  1. I love this piece. May God bless her for standing by you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. No be yahoo age now
    It was just God grace that came through for you
    There are some that will abandoned those that stood by them when they had nothing when they finally made it.
    Dear humans, while you want to manage/start life with a penniless man or woman, make sure it's one that loves and have the fear of God in them and truly loves you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said Reserved Queen 👑.

      Delete
    2. Even after standing by them, how do they pay back?
      By sleeping up and down and attracting all manner of stds.

      Delete
    3. Different strokes for different folks.I was a firm believer in "start little and grow big together" " I just love him and that is all that matters." Married my ex when he was squatting and we squatted for about a year....
      God forbid that I encourage any young girl to live by the mantra "start little and grow big together!".

      In the narrative above, the writer always strove to better himself and the situation of his family. In my own, it was a clear case of "you saw the signs and still went in". Bobo's laziness escalated as soon as he saw a hardworking woman.I worked hard to maintain the standard of life I was used to before marriage or something comfortable within our means. But Bobo was the hole in our basket. Case of a man not working and leaving all the responsibilities to the wife, while loving to spend the money( he did not work for). Trying to keep up appearances with the Jones who had two working spouses.Needless to say, the marriage went south when I could endure no more and the endless working began to take a toll on my health.

      I hear marriage is like a wrapped gift, you never truly know what is inside until you open it. Dear in-love young lady, "start little and grow big together" may just be your ticket to a life of misery. Selah

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  3. Wow!!! God will continue to bless and keep your union.

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  4. ������. May God continue to keep you both alive and well and happy.

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  5. Whatever works for you oo! So many ladies stayed with their men when he had nothing, suffered with him, rejected well to do suitors et all. All for love! But at the end of it what happens! They get dumped or cheated on when the guy finally makes it.. I am team "the man must have a foundation where we can build on". At least we should both be OK to some extent abeg before talking about marriage, e get why. God no go shame us!! Nice piece by the way. God bless your family

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    Replies
    1. I think ladies should just accept the fact that most men will always cheat regardless. It is hard to swallow, but that is the stark reality of life. Cheating on you does not mean he has stopped caring or stopped to love you, it's just the natural calling for most men. The earlier most women accept this fact, the better. Accept this and experience PEACE OF MIND.

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    2. Exactly, it's whatever works for you. I won't advise anyone to tread the path your wife took with you. In the end it's always better to follow your heart.
      When I met my husband he was living with his uncle, then I didn't judge him for not living on his own but I asked and he said he preferred staying there. I couldn't visit him at home, visited only once sef, when we want some me time we would have to go lodge in a hotel or go somewhere nice to relax. It was getting annoying cos I felt he wasn't serious but I still held on cos I knew in my heart that I deeply cared for him. Two years after we started dating, we had gone to church together and he said he wanted to take me somewhere. Lo and behold, it was his house under construction, that day ehn my chest was so full of pride. I don't know why he didn't tell me about the house at first, maybe he wanted to be sure of us and where we were heading. Everyday I'm glad I didn't say things I would have been regretting by now or even call off the relationship then.

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    3. "Peace of mind" until you catch an incurable disease that sends you to an early death.

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    4. @anon 15:10 it is this mentality that has spiked paternity fraud in Nigeria. Just continue

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  6. Wow,God bless her and also you for other forgetting the sacrifices

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  7. I love this piece! Thank you for your write up!

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  8. Hmmmmm, nice piece. I Think God it ended in praise for madam, many people were not so lucky as the man turned out to be ungrateful soul with a touch of selective amnesia when they eventually make it.

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    Replies
    1. Treasures ooo ���������� rotfl which one is selective amnesia

      Delete
  9. Lovely piece.
    you are a good man.
    My cousin did what your wife did with you and guess what the husband did later, he married another woman. As in married another woman the traditional way while he had married my cousin both traditional and white. And no he's not a Muslim. Dsnt even care for my cousin and the kids so much anymore. Thank God my cousin was wise enough to take herself and the kids out of the country. Reason I don't and will never suffer with any man I'm not married to. I'm sorry but I'd rather do that alone.
    So my dear man; again, you are a good man.

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  10. Chai, God bless and perfect all that concerns you.

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  11. This story touched me, above all you still appreciate her, lots of women are willing to grow with a man, but they don't get appreciated at the end. If money land, sidechicks and other children here & there. My advice to any woman willing to stand by a man before he makes it, build yourself up tooo don't leave yourself behind. Weldone kunle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On point...'build yourself up too, don't leave yourself behind'...that's key!...otherwise, sorry might be your case.

      Delete
  12. You have a good heart Mr kunle, may God continue to bless your home.

    Lovely piece.

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  13. Hmmmm kunle ur wife try o. Presently If na me I no fit o.
    But then I have come to understand that what you see and the force(you can call it love or whatever) that keeps you around a particular person sometimes can be stronger than any other feeling...
    My loving graduate working class sister married a university dropout who had nothing ,he was still doing boy boy for his parents and any reasonable person around him, at that time only her knew he had no uni degree, but this guy is a proper handy man in many departments, he later on learned a skill that is feeding him and his family, opened a business, now he is the bread winner in his family,his brothers, sister, parents now look up to him.
    Anything can change in this life.

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  14. That's how my beautiful sister really suffered with the hubby from Ekiti state,,this man got a good job, money was flowing all of a sudden he decided to marry a second wife and he did... my sis is Igbo while the second is yoruba...

    I thank God for you, you're a good man, some men are not just reliable

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  15. You're a good man. Not all men are like you.

    The ladies who would refuse to start small with many men watched their mothers, sisters, aunties and friends start small with a man only to be humiliated later on either when the man makes it big or the man refuses to do the work.

    Gone are the days when I blame ladies who look out for financial capabilities before accepting a man.

    I come in peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same with men you refused to encourage a female who is looking for who to alleviate her.

      The problem with our mentality is that we raise our girl child to see themselves less. With a mindset that for them to make head way they need a man, this is why marriage is a must for all and sundry. As a growing up teenager, my father never stopped letting us understand the power of personal responsive accountability. That a man is there to complete your half of the glass. But no, as ladies many of us jump into relationships with our empty glass to belabour another person's son. Forgetting that we have equal stakes.

      Yes some of these horsebands don't deserve Mr Kunle's kind of woman, but a lot of us go in it with empty hands too. Playing into the hands of men with little minds.

      Delete
  16. How sweetttttttttttt, I have my own story too

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  17. Your wife is lucky that she married a good man.

    I'm a living witness against this your quote and can never advice anybody to follow suit.Me that suffered with my ist and only boyfriend for 10years and with all the marriage promises, he left Nigeria and forgot me .Even when is fully aware of the suitors i rejected when he begged me to wait for him.10 good years gone and he has gone ahead to marry another without any word from him why he don't want to marry me again. After all I passed through with him. After all the introduction.

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  18. Another good piece Kunle
    Keep loving your wife
    It reduces most life challenges.
    Regards

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  19. Whatever works for you abeg. My almost 4 year relationship ended. For 2 years this guy had no job and I was always there, I was a student and always give him my little share of allowance, shared data with him so he could apply for jobs, I also sometimes share job offers I see online with him. he got a job and 1 year after, he remembered that I am not the will of God for him.

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  20. So is the disappointment easier to accept if the man had the money?

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  21. Awwww. Beautiful...


    Lovelace

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  22. God bless you and your home sir. The truth is that what works for A might not work for B.

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  23. God bless your home Mr Kunle 🙏🙂

    ReplyDelete

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