Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Bog Visitor Narrative...

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Friday, October 01, 2021

Chronicle Of Bog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmm....




STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

MARRIAGE DEAD ON ARRIVAL:


Hello Stella, hello everyone. Please hide my identity, thank you. I really need your advice please. 


I'm 27 years old, Married for almost 2years now, with a child. Before we got married, we dated for about a year, although it was long distance relationship, he was outside Nigeria, the relationship was sweet and loving. Whenever he visits, it's like we want to eat up ourselves you know, loving and romantic. 


When he popped the question, I didn't waste time to say yes cos he was my dream man. To cut the long story short, we got married and I joined him over where he's based. Now the problem is, he has changed, he's not that loving and sweet man again, he barely touches me, like he can comfortably stay weeks and months without a kiss and sex. 


Now I know he's a busy person, he works from home, and goes to the office when he's been called. In my own end, I'm loving and not a nag, I make sure there's no quarrel or anything of such that will make anyone angry, I slay even at home, never to be caught unfresh you know, always sexy, but my dear the man no dey send at all, like as if he's not attracted to me, we sleep on the same bed but nigga won't even touch me. 


Please before you all come for me, I've been the one initiating the s#x thing, he will just kiss, before you know it,papapapa he will cum, like seriously, he'll starve me for weeks and do a 2mins something ,no fun, no fore play, I do the fore play thing to him, but he will never do it to me. 

I've sat him down to talk, like babe what's happening to us, he'll say " Stress" he's tired bla bla Hmmmmm, I'll say okay and I'll keep going to him , making sure the spark is still there.


Trust me I'm tired , now I've stopped , for like 2month now he hasn't even looked at Me, like we are living like strangers bearing husband and wife. Aside from all this, the man is a nice guy, no doubt but common I'm a woman, I'm not feeling the vibes, I really don't know what to do. Or is it normal for couples to stay months without sex and kiss?


 Please if you've been in this situation before, what did you do and how did you handle the situation. Doctors in the house, does he have a problem that he feels shy to talk about? and yes I'm praying for a change too 



*Madam take it easy, its normal for couples to switch off sometimes and its normal for the spark to die for some for some time...

Stop stressing him, there is more to marriage than the sex nah...You said he comes quick? Was he like that before?

its not about slaying at home, you seem to have gotten it wrong, Marriage is very spiritual and you both dont seem to connect...Infact i dont know but you sound like someone who silently watches and nags...

Take am easy... do more stuff together and the feelings will come slowly

107 comments:

  1. Fascinating! Cut him some slack please and he's possibly not the sex sex kinda person too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. l am a married man. we dont stay away from sex more than a week. Some of us due to lifestyle before marriage cant sleep with one woman for long. We love varieties. So we get bored easily with one person after a while. I guess the long distance nature of your relationship prior to wedding gave your husband the room to have a lot of other women even while you dated. It corrupts forever & takes grace to stop wishing to have a new butts to smack after every 2 weeks; thats how deep the addiction eats into the soul of so many men tagged serial womanizers. So I can beat my chest & tell you that your hubby has a someone he fucks on weekly basis & thats where his heart is. Expect he is gay, but it doesnt take long to recognise gays. If he leaves the nail of the tiniest finger on his left hand to grow long, then he is gay. I am a guy like I said so I know these people..though I am not gay. I have a handful of experiences working on the offshore rig as oil worker and have been hit on by gays of various colors, & have also had babes at my station to tell you why we may be withdrawn from our spouses. I can only tell you to pray that whatever holding hjs affection for you captive withers. It wont be far from him having one more beautiful babe that reminds him why he shouldnt have married you. Nne someone is messing his mind up but because he prefers that horney pot to yours. & Oyibo girls can be fine eh! sorry you hear. As for me I am working to be a better man & have cut ties with my side chicks for over a year. May God help us.

      Delete
    2. @Married man 16:27
      Say "I" not "We." Nobody, no man has made you his spokesman. If you drink alcohol and smoke somethings, your libido may
      be high but your performance quite low; that's medical science. Not every man has sex with women they are not married to
      Not every man commits adulteries. There is what is called self control, look for it in Galatians 5
      and read the Scriptures to learn more.

      Delete
    3. 16:27 Ciao
      You have come here to promote this same "all men cheat" mantra you write in your column; right?
      It is not enough to say "may God help us"(you). You have to be ready to change your ways; abandon your sinful life
      and accept Jesus's death for you. If not, it is mere self deceit.

      Delete
    4. I am a woman and Anon 16:27 is sooo right.
      I also had a similar experience like poster. My husband and I used to have explosive sex when he was in the US till I joined him from Nigeria and the sex reduced so drastically that I once stayed 1 whole year without sex.
      Living in the sane house like flat mates, sleep on the same bed and guy man won't touch me! I'm sexy as fuck, if I say so myself. But guess what he had his eyes on white chicks and he was satisfying himself outside.
      Very long story... too tired to carry on typing

      Delete
    5. Abel tell us how it is now cos this is my story too

      Delete
  2. How old is he? Its not easy maintaining an erection. Maybe it's stress or see finish has entered.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abeg explain the see finish... lol

      Delete
    2. Poster relax. It's marriage o. I also believe it's stress cos it has happened in my marriage a few time both from my end and his end. You guys should take a vaccation. You can't be tired of initiating what you need because you will just find yourself pile up anger towards a poor guy that already has so much he is dealing with.

      Delete
  3. So sorry to read what is happening in your marriage.
    I looked forward in your narration to see the involvement in your marriage and life, of Jesus the one that died for you but I did not see that.
    God instituted marriage, he created us. And it is just natural and expected to take a faulty product to him. He created everything perfect.
    Things go wrong because we are in the World and we are in the flesh and there is the enemy of mankind; the devil who tempts all flesh.
    Begin to call upon Jesus and study his teachings in the New Testament and you will find rest for your marriage and soul.
    Shalom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok. She is not a Christian! Oya hit your head on the wall!!

      Mtcheeewww

      Delete
    2. Anon *** what is your problem? Stop deceiving People. Things go wrong in marriages of righteous people too. The Bible already said that we will encounter tribulations in the world even as God's children. Was job not righteous?

      Delete
  4. Marrying abroad...hmm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol.
      Same here. I was screaming her name while reading it.
      It's well Sis. The Lord is your strength always πŸ’ž

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    2. 15:51
      I am confused; who and what are you talking about?

      Delete
    3. Is she the only one on the blog who married an abroad man two years ago and has a child. Or is it because she brings her own life stories here? There are plenty silent bvs whose husbands are abroad husbands that later took them abroad

      Delete
    4. people probably feel if it was a silent bv then she won't need to say 'hide my identity' after all they have always being silent and no one knows them prior.

      Delete
  5. It’s the hide my identity for meπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Even though we know your handwriting we will pretend we don’t know it lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol...it's well with her marriage. It's not all about sex, understanding matters a lot.

      Delete
    2. @Aproko
      Why can't you forget her "handwriting" and address the issues raised. Someone is hurting and you are laughing?
      Wow!
      Incongruency of affect?

      Delete
    3. No be she o. She's above 27years unless she change age to confuse us

      Delete
    4. Come on ladies, be nice, this is extremely unnecessary. Even if it's who you all are insinuating it to be; give an advice or mind your business. You all sound like you have been jealous about her marriage for so long. This stinks seriously!!

      Delete
    5. God will forgive all of you because my mind never went to that side until I read your comment. In Sha Allah, it won't be her marriage, her marriage will not break, you people should stop praying bad for other people




      *Larry was here*

      Delete
    6. This aproko, you are wicked πŸ˜‚ Haba. I don't want to say what's on my mind because it won't change anything. Good luck poster.

      Delete
    7. Haba, be your sister's keeper na, just pray that God will restore what is missing in the poster's marriage.
      Poster, abeg tell your husband that you wanna come to Naija and watch his expression. Carry Prayer join matter... Midnight o.

      Months/weeks without sex, not normal in marriage. God knows why he instituted marriage and sex helps a lot.

      Delete
  6. Is there a way you can help him do those work from home?
    Maybe you will take the stress away and give him some time to have leisure, exercise, and love making.
    From my experience, when I am so stressed, I seem not to crave for sex... but my husband helps me in the kitchen, to shop and with the kids. In the end, I just bounce back and
    πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is easier to help with chores. It is not easy to help on jobs requiring skills and knowledge unless the couple is equally trained and experienced.

      Somebody asked a very valid question. How old is the man. For some men above 45 years the sex drive is lower. Again, some women always assume that the marriage is all well for the man because he provides, show care and does not squabble. Meanwhile, the man may be dissatisfied with something vital to his happiness over which the wife is willing to change or be understanding about.

      Another point, teach him what you want. But do it playfully not like a public school "mistress". Use your hand to use his hand if necessary, all playfully.

      A man's view.

      Delete
  7. I just sincerely hope he isn't gay or bi. That description up there fits snugly.

    My suggestions.
    1. Pray. Pray and keep praying. Don't stop praying. Also remain joyful no matter what happens. Ask God to show you what is wrong. Only him knows the truth.

    2. Get busy. You didn't mention anything about you working. It will take your mind off marriage hassles.

    3. Calm down. You still have a lifetime ahead of you.

    4. You two schedule to go on vacation. Spend time with each other away from work. It doesn't have to be expensive. A two to three day out in a hotel overlooking nice views can suffice. This revitalizes marriages.

    5. Pray again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I work too, I'm not a liability. I'm also a very busy person. But the little time we need to spend with each other is what I'm talking about.

      Delete
    2. @anon 15.49 I am guessing you are the poster. If you really want the marriage, you have to restrategize. Dating is a game, marriage also is a game. Life is about games even at the office, its who plays better most times that wins or get what they want.
      You say u are busy, then get more busy. Go out with your friends, if you dont have any, take yourself out to dinner, movies etc. Try to have a social life and see what happens.
      That is how my hubby was acting like yours, he came home one day saying he wants an open marriage. This is a typical Igbo man that spent almost 30 yrs living in Naija. I still wanted the marriage and decided to fight for him because, he is a good man.
      I didnt throw tantrums or shout or anything. I just said cool so that means I can also have one.
      I joined dating sites to meet people, travelled on holidays with friends. Kept my kids with the baby sitter.
      The story long. But now, he is the one saying he doesn't want open marriage anymore.
      My babe, stop making sexual moves, go out meet people. Just as he is tired, make yourself tired with activities. Start a new class, learn a new skill, go learn dancing.Have a social life, you dont need to sleep around.
      You have to realise that most naija men cant take what they dish out.

      Delete
  8. How is the Bill's over there?? What of family responsibility both immediate and extended?? Your Job abroad??

    Do you help with little expenses here and there or he does it all alone??

    Slaying at home doesnt pay Bill?? And when he does it all alone,the last thing on his mind at the end of every day could be SEX/LoveMaking..

    Not every man needs sex to relieve himself of stress;a lot of women dont realise this....

    For some its sleep,some its drink,while some its football or hanging out with their fellow guys where they can unwind without stress..

    So his category might be the sleeping type at the end of the day and all he was doing then was just to impress you so he could marry you..

    Doesnt mean that he doesnt love you;but the Bill's and responsibilities is too much to even allow him have a "hard-on" to knack his "slaying" wife at the end of the day while abroad where Bill's are high..

    So I ask again;how do you help with Bill's over there?

    Love sometimes is never enough..

    @MARTINS

    ReplyDelete
  9. The problem with people like you be say when you pray, you always believe God has given you answers and knowing how your heart is, you receive what you pray for now you are complaining. Manage your husband. Just know the spiritual is greater than the physical.

    Look for a job or school to go to. Keep being busy and stop thinking of how to make your man love sex more. The man is thinking how to make more money to keep you comfortable.

    It is well. Since you have done all the physical to make him love more why don't you take the matter to God Almighty

    ReplyDelete
  10. First check if he is gay.
    Then we can continue from there.
    So when are we gonna gave the conversation on how gay men are deliberately marrying straight women.
    Or y'all not ready for that tea yet fr fr.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Poster I will tell you the truth,
    You guys were "lusting" after each other before marriage. So what you guys have then is lust and not love.

    You guys are married now and he has had more than enough sex from you.

    Also it seems you have nothing else to offer him apart from sex, so he is bored.

    From your chronicle, you don't have another job apart from slaying at home, so the financial burden is much on him.

    Can you hold a reasonable discussion with him ?

    Some of you ladies prepare for wedding more than marriage, forgetting that after the wedding comes the real koko wey be marriage.

    Get a job to keep yourself busy.
    Know at least little about everything so you can start having a meaningful discussion with him.

    Try watching meaningful movies with him and please avoid African magic epic, zee world and all that crap channels that damages one IQ.

    Listen to news and read more news online. It will help you engage him in some discussions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think everyone is misunderstanding the part of slaying. I'm working and very busy too. I help out with bills. Like I said, before we got married it was loving and romantic, I didn't include sex so he didn't have enough me. To me I feel its not ordinary that is why I requested for advice

      Delete
    2. So spot on Chike πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

      Delete
    3. Point made at paragraph 5.

      For some men and women, the intellectual stimulates the physical.

      Delete
  12. Stella problem dey ooo...2 months without sex? Or even a kiss? Or just to cuddles? In a marriage? NA BIG problem! Because apart from MONEY which is essential in a marriage...INTIMACY is like a back bone, and without the back bone the body can't function well! Probably the man is collecting it somewhere else, abi no be man...mtchewww

    Poster sit your husband down, have a deep discussion with him, let him know that the lack of intimacy between you two is really affecting you, talk to him calmly but with a serious tone because he might actually not see it as something serious or the way you are seeing it. So talk to him and I hope he listen and change. Another thing I want to say is that you can also get yourself a VIBRATOR or a dildo to make yourself feel good and be happy. I know is not the sex that is really bothering you but the lack of intimacy because how can I be sexy, wear scanty clothes for my man and he won't even look at me not to talk of smacking my bum or jokingly teasing me, or a quickie for kitchen etc ...you know all these childish things, funny things married couples use to do at home just because we can't get ENOUGH of each other...Ahh oga ooo. Poster you can even take him out on a dinner or take him to a cinema, just let him remember how you guy's were before all this issue. Don't forget to get the vib and dildo too...infact you might even use it to spice up the sex between you guy's and pls be adventurous in bed, who knows perhaps he doesn't find you exciting in bed...don't be shy, you are a woman he's your husband, make him to always want you MORE...take care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why have you not snooped to find out what is happening?

      Delete
  13. Lol don't mind Stella biko. Hardly will you see a man who doesn't like sex. As in stay away from sex for weeks? Hell no! It's either something is wrong with his sex life or he is gay and isn't attracted to women at all. Like you don't even turn him on no matter how sexy you look. Fear abroad guys o, you know gays are plenty there so that's the first thing that comes to my mind. Watch him closely, clone his WhatsApp if possible. Monitor his phone, texts mails and possibly movements. You should get a clue soon. Just be careful while doing these things

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You commented under Id and as Anon. Only you.

      For your information, there are men and women with low libido.

      Not all men are thinking about sex 24/7/365.

      It is on this blog I learned men don't think about anything else apart from sex - can't help a woman without sex, can't be in a woman's room without laying hands on her, can't be friends with a woman without sex, etc. I always laugh at such comments.

      Delete
    2. All most female BVs know on this blog is most men are gay, if they don't sleep with their women regularly. Pls know this, apart from low libido which some men may have, they have other chics outside their homes that give them more exciting sex than the wives at home (most wives are sexually boring after child bearing - no moans, no dirty words, no adventurous styles etc). Only very few couples are sexually compatible for ages.

      Delete
  14. Did he find out something about you perhaps?

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  15. I just think your relationship was meant to be long distance. He’s not that into you now that you are in his face everyday. The only way to get his attention is to make him miss you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. It could be due to stress...

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  17. OGAYdengbe things. Life can be funny sha. My own husband is chasing me up and down every blessed day to gbensh. I'm tired. Can we switch places? But I don't want a gay husband o .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ™„πŸ™„

      Delete
    2. No she can't. She does not want a jobless husband as well .

      Delete
  18. Marriages dont come with manuals and as such it can not always go the way one had wished for it to go.

    If things were not this way before marriage, trust me he's facing more than you can understand with just words. Not every men are sex freak. Some just want to do it once and relax. This doesnt mean he's gay or doest love you.

    Maybe his daily routine and other burden on him might be impacting on his ability to perform. He might just be trying his best silently just to please you but still not working.

    Dont put more pressure on him, have a one on one chat with him, try to know what the problem is, what he has got to say about it and discuss how best to solve the issue. Just continue to be his supporting wife, make him eat healthy and sleep well. He will get back to his best again.

    Marriage no easy oh, come join family expenses and societal pressure.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Sounds like someone here, why not find something to do. Be busy like him and see if u still wan dey gbensh anyhow. Besides, it's like u too dey talk without opening ur mouth or the words out ur mouth no dey edify the poor niggaa. Help him relive his stress, if all fails, just give him more fruits and small Viagra.

    ReplyDelete
  20. 2 mins , has it always been like that. Is it possible that he is living a sedentary life, spending too much time sitting down and laying down in the name of working from home . Nothing kills the sex drive of a man more than sedentary lifestyle.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Many of these 'abroad'husbands are gay. They come home to pick naive girls who are not likely to ask questions....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unintelligent conclusion. Everything is gay, gay, gay - no deep thoughts to issues.

      Delete
  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  23. Mama Alex is that you?
    Like you always advise others, leave that marriage and go and find your happiness

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It will never be her portion!!! na so you hate her reach???

      Delete
    2. What is you people's problem???? Is this the first time we will be reading a chronicle like this from a bv who wants to be kept anon?
      Give your advice if you have any.

      Delete
    3. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      I swear the man is abusive and the marriage is has hit the rock. "Ake" please divorce him, laws work in the abroad......be happy and live freely.

      Delete
    4. It can't be her, her marriage is perfect as she always tells us, so must be someone else on that basis.

      Delete
    5. Y are you people like this, nawao.

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    6. So many wicked people with bad intentions. That's why I hardly post about my family here, everything you're thinking about her will be yours in multiple folds In Sha Allah



      *Larry was here*

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    7. @King, I wish u an abusive partner. I have a totally harmless and loving man and for u to even speak such of him, u will get an abusive partner that people will marvel at ur suffering in her hand.

      Delete
  24. What do I know, when am not married.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So because you are not married you cannot have sense?
      All doctors must have cancer before they treat you of cancer?
      Dumbelina.

      Delete
  25. I am sorry, in a new marriage where the people were primarily long distance the romance should still be going strong. It doesn't have to be wild and swinging from the chandeliers type thing but regular adult intimacy should be there. I remember a male bv here saying he was married for twelve years and his passion and desire for his wife still felt the same as when they first met.

    Even if he is working like a farm horse, travelling around the world weekly, playing sports and attending to all the demands and pressures of adult life if he is locked into you he will be making sure you get it regularly with no initiation on your part.

    Set up an intimacy calendar and let him meet you at a specific time each a week just for you to spend quality time together. Same day and time each week where he cannot put work or anything else first. Do not depend on random events, since he likes schedules then set it in stone and tell him you will not budge. He must attend every week and come prepared for action. If you need to blend up some kind of aphrodisiac juices then do so. Not everybody want a marriage like rommates, I hate it and will never support it.

    ReplyDelete


  26. "Whenever he visits, it's like we want to eat up ourselves you know, loving and romantic" That might have been the problem.

    It seems he has had sex with you before marriage so there nothing new about you to excites him in bed anymore. You are just married for 2 years and he is already had enough sex to stupor that he has lost interest ? It is strange.


    Did you offend him before marriage and he found out. Like you cheated and he claimed to have forgiven you but deep down he can't get the thought out of his mind.

    You said he works from home, well that could be another reason. Maybe he is a workaholic with a low libido and he gets tired when he moves away from his laptop and the only thing on his mind is that he just wants to rest and sleep. Or he has a lot of bills weighing heavily on his heart and that has arrested his erection. He is your husband talk to him and ask him because we can only guess.

    It could even be that the long distance between you two did not let you know that you aren't sexually compatible.

    Your man could be asexual else there is no reason a man would not crave his wife and lust after her. Even those married for over 20years still complain that their husband won't let them rest in the other room, we read it here.

    Did his lack of interest happen before or after you had your baby?

    I won't say he is cheating sometimes that might not be the case. Ask him instead and sit him down. You know your husband better than we do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like I said, before we got married it was loving and romantic, I didn't include sex so he didn't have enough me. I'm a very busy person too, the time I spend at home is what I'm talking about. It all started when I became pregnant. And I didn't offend him. We barely quarrel. So from my end I'm sure I didn't offend him.

      Delete

    2. Sorry about the first paragraph then. No vex. you weren't explicit enough so the assumption.

      It seems he does not find you sexually appealing anymore since he started acting that way after pregnancy. Pregnancy does so much to a woman's body and maybe there were a few changes afterwards which he hasn't come to terms with. Let's say he finds slim ladies attractive and that was why he came for you and you were his spec but after childbirth you gained baby weight. I am starting to think your relationship was built on a superficial level from his end, like there was not enough emotional and mental connection.

      Did you pray before you married him? Did God give you enough sign to go ahead? if yes then unlikely has a low libido. but if no? he seems like he does not enjoy sex with you and might be cheating. because obviously it is not the issue of bills since you said you work too and split the bills.

      So you are saying for some months now he has not gotten horny? does he have an erection when you are near by? if he doesn't despite how seductive you look then he might not be sexually into you.

      Delete
  27. What do you people know that you're not sharing?! πŸ€”πŸ˜
    Someone should come and whisper (in my ear) what the whole class knows! πŸ˜‰

    ReplyDelete
  28. Over to married people
    Reading comments to add to ideas stored already waiting for my on marriage to come

    ReplyDelete
  29. Me self l'm tied, my husband doesn't initial sex, for the past 3 years. I am the one forcing him to make love to me. Maybe l will look for side guy. I ve talk to him, yet no change.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na so we see am!
      It's easier to have a side boo in Nigeria than abroad ooo

      Delete
  30. The man is so me sexually
    I can go for months without having sex.
    Well e no just dey hungry me ooo

    ReplyDelete
  31. Is either he cheats or he's gay, divorce him if you've already gotten your papers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's how you people keep using others until it boomerangs.

      Delete
  32. God will restore #Joy in your marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Nawa for bvs sha, give advice and move, why trying ti decode the poster? What of if its not the person you think it is? Just advice and move, thought we are more or less a family here, so if we are ashamed to share our problems with real life people,we will also be scared of sharing online anonymously again? Oga o. One even said the poster sounds like one of us here, no the poster came from mars to drop it ni. Awon bad wishers association

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't mind them, we all need a shoulder to lean on, i just feel her husband is acting this way because i can remember her saying some months ago that he wasn't ready for a child, but she just decided to secretly stop her birth control pills just to check if she will get pregnant and she did get pregnant, if you check up in a comment she replied you will see where she said he stopped touching her immediately she became pregnant. Just give him time he will get over it soon except he is gay maybe he over heard her saying how she took in when he wast ready to a fried, you know women and loud mouth now.

      Delete
    2. I taya for people oh. All these insinuations on top anonymity.

      Delete
    3. She Sabi give divorce advice welwel, e reach her turn now, she dey find peace..... πŸ˜†....no #joy for the wickeds

      Delete
    4. And where is your own advice madam?

      Delete
  34. There's this phase some men go through after marriage. Erectile dysfunction!!!! Once a man starts loosing interest in sex then something medical is up!!!

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  35. It's the other way round for me. I hate sex. My libido is below zero. I pity my husband walai. He's always the begging for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sit up if you love your marriage.

      Delete
  36. Hello Poster, there are a couple of things that could be the reason for you husband’s behavior and none of them good: He may no longer be attracted to you, he may just be a promiscuous a-hole and is seeing someone else, he may have erectile problems and is too ashamed to share (however, that does not explain him not even sharing a kiss with you for 2 months) and many other issues that we could all postulate about. Bottom line is none of these are your fault. If he isn’t attracted to you, he should be an adult and say that, however, if he’s just promiscuous then you might be in for it. Either way, make sure you talk to him and get a definitive answer as your sanity and personal pleasure deserve it. Having been married almost 20 years myself, I remember that year 2 of my marriage was quite difficult because we were still learning each other but even then we never went more than 2 weeks without intimacy so from my vantage point “Houston we have a problem”.I wish you all the best as you remedy this but like I said earlier, not your fault.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Just give your advice & keep it moving

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  38. Even after another Bv has complained about the same issue, some Bvs mind are jubilantly fixed on who they believe is the Poster.

    In my part of Nigeria, it is said there is nobody without a scar.

    Poster, how are your bills shared. You know how it is there. Sometimes it is 50-50. Is your husband under huge homeland tax. He may have put on a show to woo you knowing his kind of person. Forget all insinuations of gayness and side women.

    It shall be well with your marriage.

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  39. Pls I don’t understand all these answers. Or maybe my marriage is different. I dated my husband one year b4 we got married. The first 3 to 4 years after marriage we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. After a While the sex reduced and we settled into a routine. Poster pls check that ur husband is not gay cos I can’t understand This no sex for months so early in marriage. Or maybe he has erectile /sexual problems. That early cumming is also a sign. Hian. Which one is marriage is not about sex? The early stage of marriage is very much about sex I beg.

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  40. I was so annoyed about BV insinuating who it is I forgot to give advice.

    Poster, please breath, I think you are too worried (you should be but don't overdo it). Decide not to bring up the topic of sex at all for sometime. Some people get turn off by sex talk. It puts pressure on them and makes them lose interest, they prefer spontaneity, I'm one of them.

    He could also be under some financial pressure. I read through the comments and realised the problem started when you became pregnant. Wedding cost, moving you over to the abroad, a pregnancy journey and a baby are all very expensive things. Taking care of all that within a short time could have taken a toll on his finances.

    Just like there is post partum depression, some men equally suffer erectile dysfunction seeing their wives carried pregnancy. It becomes worse if they are in the labour ward. Not because you are no more attractive to them but it's a type of fear and it only takes a professional psychological help to get them back most times. Sometimes, it gets sorted out as time go on.
    I don't think your husband is gay at all and you shouldn't divorce him based on this.

    I suggest you give him about 2 months without bringing up the issue of sex or anything. In this 2 months, just make the home very comfortable. If you can, help by paying some of the Bill's in the house as a surprise in addition to what you already do. Try communicating with him more this time, ask about work, friends and his family and pay attention. No matter what comes up during those conversations, do not criticize. That's your time to build his trust. Eg. If he tells you in a conversation "his friend is having an affair". Do not condemn his friend, rather seek to know why. Then one day as you both are deeply in a conversation and laughing ask him if he's having any financial problem or any problem he will like to share with you. If he asks you why you asked, just tell him you realised something is taking a toll on him. Don't Mention sex. When he finally lay his problems before you, you can then proceed to ask if that's the problem causing him to lose interest in sex and assure him, you both will handle it together.

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  41. Stella, about the 2mins sex, it may be that the man was using sex enhancement drugs while they were dating. Many men do this even married men come to the chemist near me to buy these drugs. So as oga married, he stopped taking the drugs and the real colour of his performance in bed came out.
    Poster, buy a dildo or vibrator and help yourself, don't cheat o. That is marriage for you. All these smiling couples you see, they have one issue or the other they are battling with.

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  42. 1. All that glitters is not gold.
    2. We should be careful the seeds we sow on a daily basis.

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  43. What is your relationship with your in-laws? Is there something he might have discovered about you? Is it something you said? This is why I dislike quiet people. People that if you offend them they will not voice it out but will keep it in and punish you?

    It could be that he no longer finds you sexually appealing. That's on him not you. You brought a whole human being into existence. Of course things will change.

    Finally,you see this life? This life is very very spiritual. Leave that abroad matter. Be more spiritually sensitive and start praying for your husband. Trust me,there are people that will be happy to see you drift apart to the point to divorce. Let that thought alone be the driving force if your prayer.

    I wish you well

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  44. Maybe a vacation will help to bring back the spark.sometimes a man can be under so much pressure financially and mentally he might need a break.during this phase sex Is always not what’s on their mind and if at all it happens performance is poor.,u can schedule some time out,maybe a dinner date,or a few days trip without ur baby,u and hubby can have some alone time,don’t ask for sex just communicate with him,let him pour out his heart to u,listen to him and try to be win his heart again.its a gradual process just take it easy on urself and hubby.

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  45. Some men's libido and thirst for sex reduce after their wives get pregnant and even gets worse after they deliver, it gets worst if they deliver through the vagina, it is a disaster if such men witness the delivery. They will find it so difficult to enter that same hole where baby came out from or even touch the body that once carried the pregnancy. This is why some men would tell their wives not to get pregnant immediately after marriage, they love their wives like that.
    So poster, if you read this, give your husband time, he will improve especially when you wean your baby. The smell of breast milk turns some men off too. So when you stop breastfeeding and you lose the baby fat, your body structure goes back to normal, you get your groove back, he will improve.
    Pls don't get pregnant again immediately, give it time , ask him how many years he wants you to stay before having another baby. This is if you both did not discuss child spacing and number of children before marriage. Single people pls discuss the above two before marriage. It is well with your home poster.

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    Replies
    1. The best and realest comment, thus far. Thank you.

      Delete
    2. You are pragmatic and reasonable in your comment. Women don't know how most men are wired- we bottle up a lot of resentment (or oddities) about women (but women blab away without restraint). Most African marriages last because of the children and peace/joy they get from the wives. Once these are missing, the men resort to extramarital affairs or alcohol or company of friends (outings) to gist (some of you dull ones here term it to be gay tendencies). Men enjoy their company a lot - free spirited gists over drinks. Compared to the nagging and bad mouthing received from most wives. If you make your home peaceful and enjoyable as well as respect your husband, he will spend more time with you (except he is cursed and irresponsible).

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