CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 53

While we were waiting for chopper during my last hitch, I got into an interesting conversation with a colleague of mine. He was one of the good and disciplined guys amongst us.

When he got married a couple of years ago, I was among those that lost a bet that he was going to cheat on his wife within a period of one year. Interesting thing is that he has remained faithful. This was quite a feat, considering the conditions of his life. 

He had always had countless opportunities to cheat besides the fact that he also had the means.

So, it come as a bit of shock when he uttered the following words. “I no longer find my wife attractive”. Initially I was laughing when he said that. Because as a matter a fact, we all have such feelings towards our partners every once in a while, and I see it as normal especially in marriages that have lasted for years.


Having lived with one partner for years, you would probably be used to seeing the same body. Irrespective of the various ways you try to spice up your s#x life and the things you do in other for it not to seem monotonous; the reality is that, at some point, you will lose attraction towards your partner.

“What are you going to do about it?”, I asked. He response was that he didn’t know. The wife is  nursing their six-month-old child. He said her body has changed drastically after having two kids. According to him, his wife who used to be a tiger in bed is less interested in s#x these days. All she does now is to lie still in bed with a “do-make-you-go” face and just roll over to sleep after he comes.



I asked him if he had discussed it with her. He said the last time he started the discussion, It didn’t end well as his wife was even furious with him. She told him that instead of him to support her, he is talking about s#x. She accused him of not even caring about her welfare and her mental health even after having their child through CS. 

He said that even talking about how she looks even made her upset because she said if not for child bearing, she will still be as s#xy as she used to be.

She told him bluntly to manage and not even complain. That she would look after her body when she is ready. Any joke or comments about her looks always brings quarrel, so he stopped talking about it.

He told me he loves his wife and would not think about cheating on her no matter what; he is in a fix. For him, this is a new experience as he had always been having a good s#x life with his wife.

I smiled and told him he will be fine. It’s one of those things in marriage. It’s all about the changes and the unexpected twist and turns; and the corresponding adjustment and endurance we need to have towards these issues. He needs to be more understanding with his wife and allow her to heal and properly get her groove back.

Thinking about the whole discussion now, I wonder if there was something else I could have told him to make him feel better and regain is “lost” attraction towards his wife. But in retrospect, I feel I could have been more empathetic towards his issue instead of laughing at him.

Lots of people are going through such issues in their marriages these days and because of this “endure and adjust” advice we always give to them; it has made them feel like they are in a helpless situation where they can do nothing about it.

But the truth is that something can be done... yes there is.

When I was having similar issues with me wife, I wasn’t initially bothered because I was cheating then. But overtime she found that I was losing interest in her and she woke me up one night and asked me what the issue was. At that point I opened up to her and she made some adjustment over time.

I have always made sure we had such conversations more often these days even though such issues can be difficult to talk about because she will always feel she is on the losing end, having lost her good looks due to child bearing. But it is what it is.

After I stopped cheating, whenever I had such lose of attraction or when the s#x becomes boring, I always find ways to tell her. In other cases, I started exploring s#x enhancing medications and lifestyles. Sometimes, the issues are mental and due to other things that may not directly related to s#x.


I have learnt to see other attractive sides of my wife beyond the not so pecky boobs or her weight gain. Because, truth be told, if I dwell on those things, I won’t sustain an erection for long. Besides, I have consistently been seeing this body for over 12years now and it takes some mental maturity not to get bored of it.

If I were to meet that my colleague again when I return to work, I would probably give him these two pieces of advice.

First, never stop talking about this issue with your wife. You can’t pray or wish such issues away. Instead of avoiding the difficult conversation. Seek for better ways to communicate and pass your points across to her. She might get angry or upset but seek times when she will be more receptive towards such conversations to have them.

For me, I have often found out that moments after a round of s#x are good times to initiate such conversations. After giving her a good orgasm, she is calmer and more open to talk.

Secondly, give your wife time. Unlike what most men think, women are even more conscious about the looks, weight gain or other physical changes happening with their bodies than we think. But because they are overwhelmed with taking care of children and managing other life issues. It may seem like they don’t care.


If we are a little bit patient with our wives and allow them pass through the trying phase of their lives; they will become better looking as the children get older and they have more time for their bodies.

So, I would encourage him to manage this phase with his wife and be more understanding; the attraction will come back. He should also seek out other ways of stimulating the attractions towards his wife. He can start by doing a simple google search to find such means.

Like I always say, we can do better...


E go be!


Ciao!