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Sunday, November 28, 2021


While we were waiting for chopper during my last hitch, I got into an interesting conversation with a colleague of mine. He was one of the good and disciplined guys amongst us.

When he got married a couple of years ago, I was among those that lost a bet that he was going to cheat on his wife within a period of one year. Interesting thing is that he has remained faithful. This was quite a feat, considering the conditions of his life. 

He had always had countless opportunities to cheat besides the fact that he also had the means.

So, it come as a bit of shock when he uttered the following words. “I no longer find my wife attractive”. Initially I was laughing when he said that. Because as a matter a fact, we all have such feelings towards our partners every once in a while, and I see it as normal especially in marriages that have lasted for years.

Having lived with one partner for years, you would probably be used to seeing the same body. Irrespective of the various ways you try to spice up your s#x life and the things you do in other for it not to seem monotonous; the reality is that, at some point, you will lose attraction towards your partner.

“What are you going to do about it?”, I asked. He response was that he didn’t know. The wife is  nursing their six-month-old child. He said her body has changed drastically after having two kids. According to him, his wife who used to be a tiger in bed is less interested in s#x these days. All she does now is to lie still in bed with a “do-make-you-go” face and just roll over to sleep after he comes.

I asked him if he had discussed it with her. He said the last time he started the discussion, It didn’t end well as his wife was even furious with him. She told him that instead of him to support her, he is talking about s#x. She accused him of not even caring about her welfare and her mental health even after having their child through CS. 

He said that even talking about how she looks even made her upset because she said if not for child bearing, she will still be as s#xy as she used to be.

She told him bluntly to manage and not even complain. That she would look after her body when she is ready. Any joke or comments about her looks always brings quarrel, so he stopped talking about it.

He told me he loves his wife and would not think about cheating on her no matter what; he is in a fix. For him, this is a new experience as he had always been having a good s#x life with his wife.

I smiled and told him he will be fine. It’s one of those things in marriage. It’s all about the changes and the unexpected twist and turns; and the corresponding adjustment and endurance we need to have towards these issues. He needs to be more understanding with his wife and allow her to heal and properly get her groove back.

Thinking about the whole discussion now, I wonder if there was something else I could have told him to make him feel better and regain is “lost” attraction towards his wife. But in retrospect, I feel I could have been more empathetic towards his issue instead of laughing at him.

Lots of people are going through such issues in their marriages these days and because of this “endure and adjust” advice we always give to them; it has made them feel like they are in a helpless situation where they can do nothing about it.

But the truth is that something can be done... yes there is.

When I was having similar issues with me wife, I wasn’t initially bothered because I was cheating then. But overtime she found that I was losing interest in her and she woke me up one night and asked me what the issue was. At that point I opened up to her and she made some adjustment over time.

I have always made sure we had such conversations more often these days even though such issues can be difficult to talk about because she will always feel she is on the losing end, having lost her good looks due to child bearing. But it is what it is.

After I stopped cheating, whenever I had such lose of attraction or when the s#x becomes boring, I always find ways to tell her. In other cases, I started exploring s#x enhancing medications and lifestyles. Sometimes, the issues are mental and due to other things that may not directly related to s#x.

I have learnt to see other attractive sides of my wife beyond the not so pecky boobs or her weight gain. Because, truth be told, if I dwell on those things, I won’t sustain an erection for long. Besides, I have consistently been seeing this body for over 12years now and it takes some mental maturity not to get bored of it.

If I were to meet that my colleague again when I return to work, I would probably give him these two pieces of advice.

First, never stop talking about this issue with your wife. You can’t pray or wish such issues away. Instead of avoiding the difficult conversation. Seek for better ways to communicate and pass your points across to her. She might get angry or upset but seek times when she will be more receptive towards such conversations to have them.

For me, I have often found out that moments after a round of s#x are good times to initiate such conversations. After giving her a good orgasm, she is calmer and more open to talk.

Secondly, give your wife time. Unlike what most men think, women are even more conscious about the looks, weight gain or other physical changes happening with their bodies than we think. But because they are overwhelmed with taking care of children and managing other life issues. It may seem like they don’t care.

If we are a little bit patient with our wives and allow them pass through the trying phase of their lives; they will become better looking as the children get older and they have more time for their bodies.

So, I would encourage him to manage this phase with his wife and be more understanding; the attraction will come back. He should also seek out other ways of stimulating the attractions towards his wife. He can start by doing a simple google search to find such means.

Like I always say, we can do better...

E go be!



  1. This goes both ways. At least women has a logical reason for the bodily changes even pierce brosnan knows this and stuck with his wife but what about all these men with big pot bellies and flabbiness? What excuse do you have? Or tou think your wives do not see other hotter guys?๐Ÿ˜‚

    Both parties should please work on themselves. Especially the men whose bodies have not been overstreched from child-bearing. I see some married men and I shake my heads.
    Poster,I hope you still looked the way you did 12 years ago?fit and muscular. If not you are a hypocrite.

    Anyways, I see what you did there.๐Ÿ˜ You had to tell Ang you don't cheat anymore so she can let you breathe.๐Ÿ˜…
    I thought they said cheats hardly retire but only learn to cover their tracks better.๐Ÿค”

    I would love to know how you overcame your vices in the midst of constant temptations and sultry women with banging bodies. Maybe you can give tips to your fellow, sorry your former colleague in the cheating game on how you overcame adultery.

    1. Oh please. The whole pregnancy excuse has gotten old BIKO. I don't think there's a married man that doesn't know how wife's body will undergo a few changes, emphasis on 'FEW'... NOT the total makeover we experience.
      Let's be honest with ourselves, How Many women take care of their bodies...making up, pedicure and all isn't taking care. Exercise isn't a chore. Children aren't an excuse. Nigerian women are one of the most complacent the world over. That's the bottom-line and the reason y'all men can't stand you.
      Do Better and leave the excuses alone.
      The Truth is like Bitter leaf soup...

    2. The reason y'all men can't stand you @20:52
      What is the reason y'all women can't stand you then? what is your excuse for the men? You cannot tell me this poster still looks hot and fit like he was years ago.

    3. Yes but it goes both ways as 13:22 said. Cos some men let themselves go. At least the women have a valid excuse. Was it not a chronicle that detailed what a woman passed through with her lady parts after childbirth and a doctor volunteered to help her? But men what is your excuse? Most times women endure your excesses without complaints. The writer up there didn't even mention anything about himself, as if he remains as youthful and attractive as before. You people feel women can't also get attracted to younger handsome men who treat them better? So as you are urging women to do better, you men do better too. Most of ya'll don't romance your wives enough because see finish don enter, yet you expect her to turn porn star for you. Your wife just gave birth, she is healing, nursing the new born, probably other kids, and doing other chores and probably a business or something, and probably exhausted with no additional help or encouragement from you the man, yet at the end of an exhausting day she should still turn porn star at night. Your type are just selfish and inconsiderate. Be going after the outside girls nau. Giving them money, treats, taking them out and spoiling them silly and sleeping with them. Of course they will try to satisfy you for what they get. Na business. But the consequences from your home will be on your head. Twats! I have seen some who don't spend a dime on their wives, but spend millions on girlfriends and complain heavily about their wives. Twats. If you like don't water the grass you feed from. Double Twats! Women are getting sense these days sha.

    4. 21:55 So you too, you saw how the anon stylishly ignored the comments made about the men who let themselves and their body go after marriage? Very hypocritical being๐Ÿ˜‚

      If you see most of these married men with over the top standards for their wives you will shudder.

      With their one pack like akpu. strong pot-bellies like olumo rock. Very fat bodies with very flat yansh.

      When you see them you will be finding it hard to differentiate who is pregnant between husband and wife. Even the slim and skinny ones amongst them already have a pouch. They become so fat and unattractive that it will take the grace of God for the wife not to fantasize about having all those fine guys with hot rip bodies, enough masculine strength and sexual prowess for the night.

      Later they will come online and start crying that their wife is cheating. When you don't lit a candle compare to the hot guys in town. You can't switch it up in the bedroom. You better age gracefully with the wife of your youth and let's hear word.

      If not for little stipends you dole out to side chicks you think that would tolerate you. I am sure after the side chicks is done spending the night with some of you they would quickly call up a young bloke with enough stamina to erase the memory of the wack session they passed through a few hours ago under your heavy breath and snoring.

      20:52 scroll down and read anon 14:40 comment and keep quiet. If we advice her to get a side cock now, you will say we are wicked.๐Ÿ˜

    5. LoL.. Funny, was just about doing my fault workout when I saw this. To y'all 'was pretty before', ranting up there, the truth hurts Abi? Bottom-line, your physical look is a representation of how well you care for it. The men is now your excuse? I laugh in Nasarawa. Comparatively, the men still look better.
      Also, since y'all can't comprehend, there's a difference between the body undergoing changes and the totally, almost unrecognisable make over that occurs.
      I am, FYI, fitter and better looking than I was when younger and my 6packs is still very much intact.
      Thanks for asking.
      Now, go and improve yourself at least let the man have something to look at.

    6. LoL@3:28. Projecting your realities is quite pitiful. Kpele. PLEASE and please, by all means, get a side cock.
      P.s: almost every guy is moved by what they see.
      Best of luck

    7. I feel men should rest a bit. Sex here, sex there. Everywhere sex. We just did and you’re asking for more again. Women have other needs that should be explored.

      Let your friend discuss surgery with his wife since he has the money. If she agrees and the doctor clears it as non life threatening, then fine. We can start from there.
      [maybe the man can find her attractive and she will see herself as sexy too. With post baby body, forget long talk, a lot of women secretly long for their former bodies back and the lack of that can lead to loss of self esteem which makes it difficult for them to want to open up the body to you at will.]

      Women think of a million things everyday - running the home, business, children, work, etc etc.
      More so when a woman makes more and struggles harder to keep it while still being a good wife and mum, the demand for sex can be exhausting.

      Wo, let Jesus just come let’s all go and rest.

    8. 07:17 Not my reality dear, obviously yours. FYI, You are currently talking with a newly married woman who is not only a gym rat but also a martial art student since na braggibg levels we all dey. I left singlehood a few months ago so all these your attacks is not touching me as per wrong target. I am just Someone who got tired of being disturbed by you old papas who think they are still in the market. Y'all insatiable married men running after single girls feeling fly. If you like do all the exercises in the world you are not in the same category of all these younger bloods.
      You too pele tie.๐Ÿ˜‹
      Did I hit a nerve that you had to tell me you are just rounding up your workout? Telling me he looks better than he was younger.๐Ÿคฃ Don't proof a point to me, I am not your wife. ๐Ÿ˜‹
      Let me avoid him before he will come back and tell me he looks more handsome when placed side by side with younger guys or even my sexy husband.๐Ÿ˜…
      e pain you sotey you type twice. Telling me Men are moved by what they see shebi in your mind the eyes God gave women is for fashion.
      hasta la vista baby.๐Ÿ’‹
      Seems you are the poster. Come to the comment section often.

    9. Like I said before, stop projecting your reality...and yes, I am fit and better than I did when younger. Sorry to disappoint your silly expectations but I don't do side chicks. Do you have any other insinuations?? I laugh in Ethiopia.
      It's not only martial arts, you for turn Scott Adkins. If I am what martial arts you do now, Google will suddenly become your best friend.
      Implying am the poster, you for kukuma call me the blog owner.
      Mrs newly married gym rat...keep it up, let amorphism not be your portion, won't keep my fingers crossed tho...

    10. "I am, FYI, fitter and better looking than I was when younger and my 6packs is still very much intact.
      "Thanks for asking"

      That statement up there was why I felt you were the poster after all he was the one I first directed my question to but you decided to jump in like bebeto. Now you blame me i called you the poster. please how is that my fault? All these old papa youngie sef.๐Ÿ˜…
      like I also said before too, it is your reality not mine. I can't reiterate it enough.
      Why are you so hurt laidis?๐Ÿคฃ

      Please chillax abeg!

      Ask first now or are you scared already. I am harmless *bats eyelids* after all I do it for self defense purpose only and not to bully anyone, so you are safe.

      No be only amorphous. ๐Ÿคฃ Is
      that why you can't keep your fingers crossed?
      You better don't kill yourself Mister, with unnecessary workout.
      Now I see why you think I am projecting, you always talking from experience so you think others are like you.

      As for your fingers keep flexing your fingers to allow enough blood flow circulation, who knows, it might eventually do your bidding.๐Ÿ˜

    11. So says ms Flabulous

  2. Good piece.
    Men should always be more considerate when it comes to this issue. It's usually not so easy with the woman especially when she has no domestic help.

    1. The truth is that even if child bearing doesn't take control, old age would.
      Would you keep cheating because someone is getting older? Even women get to a point where they don't find their spouse appealing. Its just life.

      We can't keep giving in to every whim of ours.
      Child bearing deals with a women's body mentally and physically. Being inlove with someone shouldn't only be based on the physical, look for other aspects too.

      Marriage gets boring no matter what you do, like every other thing in life, there are highs and lows.
      It takes a lot of hard work from both parties.

    2. Men can be very ignorant/unrealistic, impatient and insensitive about their expectations

      Discussing rather than demanding will produce better results

      Option no dey outside, strange people full evetywhere

      Solve her problems
      Bigger space ( room, house)

      Make way rather than quarrel

      When baby don wean, join gym together

    3. Then most nigeria women can't live abroad if domestic help should be one of the reasons my opinion.

    4. Abroad the work is shared so yes they can
      In Nigeria, the work is seen as the woman's duty yes she definitely needs help

    5. This topic is really overwhelming. I used to have a banging boy and I have birth 6months ago. Believe me when I told myself that I would snap back in 3months. But 6 months after it's like I've gained more weight. It's really not easy taking care of the kids and looking good. As I have no help. I can't even remember the last time I made my hair. But then, my husband has never had a child and his tummy is way bigger than mine. When I ask him, he would say it's women that should have flat tummy. Imagine. To crown it all up, he doesn't make any effort to smell good or look good and he isn't nursing a child. But I still find him attractive sometimes. Bottom line is that it works both ways. Also tell men that when they are making effort to look good, it inspires the woman too. Like going to the gym together and all

  3. My body didn't change even after 2 children, I am still size 8,but I wish to be size 10

    But you see that sex life ehn na on God. We have a lot going on in our marriage and sex is the last thing on our minds

    1. Na my group member be this!

    2. Nobody remains the same...childbirth or not

  4. Hmmmm
    It is well with every woman, wife, and mothers. Indeed life no balance ๐Ÿšถ๐Ÿšถ

    1. My dear the write-up shock you and stimulate your thought right?

    2. In this post all I always see is the man low key or indirectly giving reasons why men should cheat. I always get riled up reading this post because all I see is men giving excuses to be selfish and to cheat no matter what and expecting their wives to be robots working to please them on top of their selfishness.
      I don tire. I don't think I will continue with this column. I'm outtie!

    3. Anon 22:03, byeeeeee!!!
      Next week now you'll still open the column.
      Try to see things from different perspectives in life. Have your own opinion, ofcourse and do what works for you.
      Ardent fan of this column.
      We die here!!!

    4. 6.46 You die alone here biko. Leave the rest of us out.

      22:03 please do what you deem best for yourself re: the column.

  5. For the married ones this came handy & for us it's also good regardless of the fact that we're not going to make use of it now

  6. I am so ashamed of you and your friends๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
    Before you got married, didn't you know that a woman's body changes
    After child birth?
    How about helping her to a fitness program and diet?
    I have been blissfully married for more than a dozen years
    And my husband does not demean me like you and your friends
    Do to your wives
    Our lovemaking is top notch
    Jesus is the person in ones life that adds the needed spicing.
    Not surprised that you didn't tell your friend about him.

    1. Thanks Stella for eventually uploading my comments. Really I get confused sometimes. Most times, I read again and again before
      posting to make sure I do not insult anyone or imply that. The truth is that I can't even do that, based on my faith in Christ.
      I won't be able to sleep knowing that I insulted or quarreled with someone. Two things get to me most; whenever I see marriage/kids
      demeaned or ladies shamed for no faults of theirs, like in this very column. I won't also sleep well knowing that I did not comment
      the truth I know and have experienced about these subjects.
      Thanks for understanding me.

    2. I like your personality. To be honest I cannot wait for the day when I would be as polite as you .

  7. Marriage comes with many baggages, applying wisdom to navigate the world of marriage brings about success..

    I'm more than lucky to have a husband who still finds me attractive after 19 years.. Na, me dey run๐Ÿ˜œ

  8. Baby is 5 months I’m still 15 kg up :( hubby is no longer interested but not cheating. Where do I start coming down from? Did hair and nails and pedicure this weekend. Need to do better :(

    1. Buy new pushup bra for after weaning

      Buy new bedsheets and perfume
      Seduce that man small small

      P'S Milk cost , biko use bullet proof family planning o

    2. Get on a diet plan. Do exercise even if it's skipping rope. Reduce carbohydrate and eat more of vegetables and fruits. One/two meal every day not more than 6pm..
      Stop tying wrapper at home.. Wear sexy gowns and knickers with spaghetti hands..

    3. My dear take your time and heal properly first. Take good care of your health, then take things up from there.

      Let me remind you people that a cheat will cheat regardless. If you like starve yourself or go do surgery to look like Kim Kardashian.

    4. Like anon said 22.07 said, take your time. After my first baby, it took me 9 months to lose weight. I gained like 12g but when I was ready to lose weight, I did it gradually and the result was amazing.

      Do not put pressure on yourself.

  9. I also have been finding it hard to feel attracted to my hubby.

    Big tummy, no night baths, ugly feet, terrible mouth odor especially in the mornings, poor hygiene, etc. But I don kill am? Nope !!!

    Men should mind themselves. If they think its easy having ravaging pregnancy hormones, raising kids (sometimes I feel like selling my kids . . . ahhh, I love them to pieces so I won't. But sometimes all those "mummy I want . . . ." can be very tiring)

    To me, mothers are superheroes. In fact the only legit superhero is a mum.

    God bless abundantly every mama on this earth holding it down.

    1. LMAO @ selling the kids.. I can imagine lols

    2. Good point, its not only women that 'loose looks' over time, men get bigger, fatter bellies, it isnt attractive too, so why is it left to just women to 'work on themselves'?

    3. It is well with you ma,I hope side chicks are reading all this comments and they will live other women husband alone.

    4. Thank you dear. Its soo very hard bringing children up with no help

  10. I feel bad for women. The physical and psychological effects childbirth brings on women is often overlooked because childbirth is seen as a blessing and anyone who complains about PTSD or any effects would be called ungrateful.

  11. So much wisdom in a write up.
    I loved the part you said women are even more conscious of the changes in their bodies, this is the absolute truth. God bless you for this wonderful piece.

  12. The men also change too... its takes mental maturity to still get wet or sustain an erection with married people. As I overheard someone say, "na maturity seem dem dey take gbensh wife"... smh.
    Anyways, if your sole purpose of getting married is coz of kerewa, you in shit.

  13. Mhen women are the real MVPS what happened to your friend dear poster also happened to me after my second child with C's,I lost total interest in sex,and realized my husband was just avoiding me .so in this case I was the one who initiated the talk even though I ended up crying because everything he was saying was making me cry then,things I won't cry for normal normal o.
    Thank God for my husband's patience, because na me go initiate,but one wetness no go dey,we go do foreplay tire nothing go drop,I go just vex scatter everything. Kai .Men really need to give their wives more time to heal and come around after child's birth.

    1. Incorporate dates into you diet, as a snack, like thrice a week.

  14. Hmmmmn. The only issue I have now is my complexion. Like I'm still dark after childbirth,I have done everything cosmetically possible,whosai!.
    I feel our sex life is much better now,not consistent but when we do it we do it with so much fierceness.ive lost all my baby fat and back to my pre baby body. I just want my once beautiful complexion back

  15. If you want your wife who has two young children to be interested in sex and doll up for your eyes, guys do some work. In the house. Take over the evening routine, give them baths, dinner and do bedtime, give that woman a break and see whether you won't meet a wet tiger in the bedroom.

  16. It's not always about the physical appearance. Especially when giving birth naturally it changes the vagina as well. I look good, even better than before pregnancy but my vagina tightness is not the same. Even after all the Kegal exercises. My husband says it doesn't feel the same, how can it? 3 children within 5 years and vaginal birth. It is well ladies.


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