Dr Freaks Journal - Forged Report Card

Permit me to quote Baba Fela who sang some years back thus: "nothing good sef dey for me to sing about, all the things wey e dey e no dey good"- CBB.

I ran into a friend who shared the view that my silence has been deafening on certain national issues and I actually I raised a poser for myself thus: "is it that my ink is drying up or that there is really nothing good to write about?"

Guess what? Alas! I found an (the) answer to that nagging poser.


In the beginning,


When I was in Class 1 , I so played in school such that my report card bore witness to my 'seriousness'. I scored 41 in Mathematics, 42 in English Language, 39 in Music, and I think my best score was 50 something in Yoruba Language or Wood Work. By the time I received that result, I was caught up in a dilemma.

 Do I go home like that and face the music; or do I 'help' myself by upgrading myself and acting as an assistant teacher by just changing the red ink to black by adding blue to it? 

Then I made a discovery! 

When you impress a blue ink on a red ink, it gives you a semblance of black.

 What did I do? It may interest you. I simply coloured the 39 and below in red (with a blue ink) without altering the figures and I now had a result that was full of black and blue inks and I walked home majestically.

 I never looked forward to handing my result to my dad- a teacher himself who expected his children, including a playful me, to always come first. How! 

By the time I handed my result to 'Baba Agric' as he was fondly called, he just stretched out his hand to give me a handshake for the 'brilliant' result. Oh, stupid me! And I believed this man. 

He disappeared. 

By the time he resurfaced, he emerged with his trademark- a fat cane and he flogged the living daylight out of my mischievous self and I desisted from that cheap sharp practice from that moment.


My father died 32 years ago and I still find it hard to do otherwise, to date. I am not perfect. I am not a saint. But I will never touch forgery with a long pole.


Back to the present time.


Our nation has been bedevilled by certificate scandals since only God knows when and curiously, the high and mighty have been linked, exposed and or implicated.

 The List is endless.

Let us pretend as if the subject does not even constitute a crime under the laws of the land, is it morally okay to deceive the whole world and oneself?
Daddy ('Baba' as you preferred to be addressed), I am forever indebted to you for raising me up properly and for raising me in the ways of the Lord, which I almost rejected though, but thank God, for locating me and setting my feet on the right path.


Shame on all the Cerificate 'Forgers' occupying the highest seats in our land today! ALL OF THEM AND THEIR ADVOCATES!

Stay Safe,

Its Kunle!