Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Monday, December 27, 2021

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmmmm....





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
FAMILY ISSUES





I need your advice and that of BV's especially the married folks.

 I have a problem with my hubby, he doesn't like relating with my family. when we got married he wasn't like that, he relates with my family even though is only my parents, he doesn't relate with my siblings not even my twin sister, even though i complained to him about it he still didn't change but he was still relating with my parents and some festive season he sends foodstuffs to them which am grateful for. but is over two years since we relocated to my in-laws state of residence, where his parents and some of his siblings reside, he just changed towards me and my family. 


He stopped relating with my parents.my mum would call him he won't pick the call or call back, even my siblings will call him or send text to him he won't return the favour back, he just shut all my family off. they don't demand anything from him just to say hi and to know how we are doing yet my husband won't reply. He do relate with his family very well, at times he makes useless calls with them just playing around even though some of them are still in same state with us.



He sees his family almost every day yet he would still call them even his nephew and niece are not left out as he calls all of them, not anything important just to play around. We had a serious issue we later reconciled, he started relating with only my mum though ones a while not always because my mum was always calling him just to greet, he still shut my dad off and siblings.one incident that really got me angry was a day my mum called this man to make some complains to him about her health, note this was the first time she was complaining to my husband about her health because his a medical practitioner. 



Before we relocated he do send bags of drugs and other medical gadgets to check bp and the rest to his family which i don't have a problem with, my parents never bordered him about their health, whenever they have health issue they go to the hospital for serious cases or chemist for mild cases.so when my mum called him to complain he told her to text him because he could not hear her and she did,
she texted him with her complains asking him for prescription, this man never responded.


 She had to call me to tell me as i wasn't aware that she had been waiting for days now for my husband to prescribe drugs for her to get but he has refused to respond so she had to go to the chemist to get same drugs that she has been getting before which wasn't working for her and she didn't have money to go to the hospital. i felt very hurt about it,i went to him asking him why he has refused to reply my mum, his response was that he didn't understand her text, then what stops him from calling her to say he didn't understand her text after all she called him ..he was the one who asked her to send a text. he didn't give any response meaning to hell with me and my family.


I had to tell him the complain she had and why she called him,only for him to text the prescription to my WhatsApp asking me to send it to her, i was very angry and told him there was no need for it as she has already gotten drugs. 


My family didn't offend him i don't know why he refused to relate with them, it's been months since that incident he haven't called my mum till now talkless of any member of my family.my sisters husband relate very well with my parents and siblings, he do send food stuffs, clothes and cash gifts to my parents every year. the man is a hustler even with the little he has he still supports my family even assist our last born that's still schooling with his school fees.


My husband that is comfortable will not call talkless of assist my family financially. Am not always happy whenever i speak with my parents and they asked about my husband, even though they are not complaining i know they're not happy with him. 



Imagine my father who travelled for my aunt burial, stopped at my state of residence to continue his trip decided to go stay in a hotel when his daughter stays in that state. i felt hurt about it because i have spare rooms in my house and my father went to stay in a hotel because he don't know if he would be welcome by my husband, this my same husband who doesn't spend money in hotels as he stops by at my parents place whenever he travels before we relocated, heard my father was in town he didn't even care till i told him my father was in a hotel he didn't even respond. 


I do relate with my in-laws very well including the ones not in Nigeria as he calls them every day, i noticed he is always pleased when I am close to his family and serve them but he has refused to relate with mine.


How do i handle this issue without it causing problem in my marriage.





Must your hubby provide for your family financially? you can step in and send things to them and say it is from both of you... it is not a big deal, collect money from him or use yours.

 You said he makes stupid calls to his family members? why is that your business? IT IS HIS FAMILY!!

You are responsible for caring for your family and not your hubby, if he calls his family all the time, then do same and call yours all the time... The way you are going about it and making it look like its by force is what will cause problems.... You can use your woman sweetness to achieve all what you are trying to use gra gra to do.

Change tactics and find out why your hubby changed, getting angry at him for not spending his money on them or sending foodstuff to them is so petty and has a ring of entitlement mentality to it... Its a piss off in a way.

Like i said you can do all these things and dont sit down and expect him to do it and stop comparing him with your sisters husband.....

Wish you the best as you try to bridge the gap.

As for his being close to your family before and pulling back, I dont know why he pulled back but maybe there was pressure and he decided to pull back......

112 comments:

  1. Toh. Married people over.... good afternoon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your husband doesn't respect your people at all due to see finish.

      Are you working?
      Do you tell him all your family flaws?
      How do you treat your people?
      Do you make him feel like you people are the most successful among their children?

      Get a job.
      Work on yourself.
      Stop all unessessary talks about your family?
      Let your family stop treating him special.
      Stop making your siblings and their partner feel less.
      Don't stop talking about their achievement, things they do better than him(discuss this with others in his presence not him), their good part with joy.
      Infact carry your family matter on your head like gala and act normal with his family ( never be rude or snubbish o, be nice and scarce)

      Delete
    2. Post this anonymous reply is best but reduce how you relate with his family. Tell your parents to stop calling him.

      Delete
    3. And please don't ask him for anything on behalf of your family or your parent should stop asking him for things. Infact you can ask an outsider in his presence for medical advice. Your husband is so rude and proud.

      Probably your family treated him special because he is a doctor and that has gotten to his head.

      Even if he is the one feeding all your people is not suppose to get to this stage of rudeness. Your family should ignore him and you too should protect your family.

      Delete
    4. Thank you the anons above. Woman you are your own problem. Please ladies when you get married to a supposed big man, don't talk down on your family. Always praise them even if all na wash. Maybe you have made him feel like a god to your family. From your write up, your hubby is doing well. What is food stuff that you cannot buy for your family. What is medical gadgets for checking BP that you cannot buy for them? How much is routine drugs for aged people again?. Why will your husband be rich and your parent is going to chamist to buy drugs because she does not have money to go to hospital. Abeg use your number six. Stop complaining about his attitude to your people to him. Snap out of this pity party. If he treats your family as trash, ignore him and treat them like gold even in his presence. Stop serving his family like a slave. Get a job or start a business. Get busy madam. They are your parents, treat them the way you deem good. Call them in his presence and crack jokes. Laugh out loud while with them on phone even if there is nothing to laugh about. Make him feel jealous. In all be a good wife'.

      Delete
    5. Stella your advice doesn't follow, this one is no go. No sense of entitlement but this is plain disrespect, no regard for her family at all. And she can't and won't do same to his family, so why should he treat her family like that.

      Delete
    6. Aunty
      Let them act outside him since he doesn't want to be relevant

      Prescription?
      He isn't the only doctor

      If he isn't intelligent enough to manage them properly then it is time to understand that he isn't as smart as you thought

      No matter what came to make him go cold, wisdom dictates a solution be found not becoming arrogantly stand offish

      Even if he felt disrespected, pleasant but distant would make more sense

      Not answering an old woman's text? Doesn't sound right!

      Delete
    7. I have a somewhat similar story and it bothers me alot, I didn't envisage my marriage will be like this and it's only being 5 years, forever to go!
      My husband doesn't exactly regard my family, and I mean my parents and 3 siblings. His parents are late and he has 5 other siblings, some of whom he doesn't even speak with at all so I'm not so surprised at how he treats my family but it really hurts.
      At some point I started avoiding my family's calls in his presence because he always has one "disinterested mien" when I'm speaking with them. I got my brain back and relate with my family well now, because we only get one lifetime with one another.
      Note that no-one is burdening him with financial requests, to the Glory of God my parents and all of us are doing well and my parents are the type who never put a siblings burden on another sibling not to talk of in-laws.
      Whenever I send something to my parents, they assume it's from us and call my hubby to thank him and he will collect thank you.
      I guess the essence of my rant is that for those who are not yet married, one of the things you should look out for is how your intended treats their own family, more often than not, that is how they will treat yours too!

      Delete
    8. I can't deal, such disrespect, your father staying in a hotel for what? Ignoring your mum when she is sick? What is causing the disrespect? My brother in law is a doctor and he is so involved in my dad's health, he doesn't joke with him.

      So if I were a doctor, I wouldn't be able to prescribe a simple medication for my mum or father in law or even treat them? Abeg, your husband should come down from his high horse and get lost. Except there is something he is aware of that you don't know or that you are not telling us, tell your parents not to call him. Put an end to this disrespect.

      Shut him off and stop complaining to him, do what you can for your parents and do not let him know what is going on with them.
      He doesn't want to talk or relate to them so your parents must stop calling or texting him.

      Unfortunately, this sort of attitude builds resentment. I will struggle to relate and be nice to you if you treat my family like thrash. I will unconsciously give you a dose of your own medicine. Nobody has the monopoly of madness, rubbish!!

      Delete
    9. When my ex husband did exact same thing with my family, I divorced him. You cannot be riding a horse and treating the owner with ignominy. He didn't know his action could yield divorce. But I am happily no longer the reason my parents are disrespected.

      Delete
  2. Entitled Nigerians wives and husbands are terrible. My husband asked me to buy his mum padded butt . I said ok he go wait tire . I’ll link dr anu to his 90 yr old mum. Mchew

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Original ShugarGirl27 December 2021 at 15:59

      The poster sounds entitled and no she didn't even mention that she works.
      Poster please take care of your family abi did your husband marry you with the agreement that he is forever a slave to your entire family?

      Put the value on your family and later on he will be willing to contribute to what you are sending to your family.

      Please talking with in laws everytime dey cause see finish and unhealthy competitiveness in most cases. For this reason I don't encourage talking to in laws. You and the children are his primary assignment.

      Delete
    2. Poster, I will advise you.

      First and foremost, I hail your dad for his dignity.

      Dont forget your husband does not owe your parents. I have also realised that people with inferiority complex has a way of masking it to comme off as rude and obnoxious. Don't worry.za Get up, cry if you feel like it, and forget it. SILENCE IS GOLDEN. It's time to use it. You think he doesn't know how much his actions and inaction affect you? He knows so no need bringing it up. Do your best to carry on as the wife, mother and daughter inlaw you have always been. I promise you, when the time is right, he will bring it up. You just have to wait it out so you don't worsen things or loose the moral grounds.

      You guys have lessons to learn from your dad.

      Delete
    3. Anon 15.09 you're a clown I swear lol

      Delete
  3. Dialogue, dialogue and dialogue.
    You and your hubby need to talk again and again.
    There is a problem somewhere. If you are a believer, read Mathew 15 with him; where Jesus taught about caring for your parents.
    If you are not a believer, why not?
    That is what helps me in my marriage; we have a reference point which is the Bible. We both respect the Word of God.
    Please do not scatter your otherwise peaceful home.
    πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stell is correct my husband hate to here that you gave your parents anything to talk more of calling
      But I don't care I do everything for my mum without him knowing. Life move on

      Delete
    2. Anonymous 15:31, you are correct πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

      1000 likes

      Delete
  4. But why the sudden change even if he doesn't want to help your family he shouldn't rub it in there faces. Poster get hell from him and be assisting your family without him. If he wants to help and reach out to your family he knows what to do. Pray you get it right with him and pray . All the best poster

    ReplyDelete
  5. You sure say dem never tell your husband say your family na witches he should avoid them before they bewitch him..

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hmmm! I think his family could possibly be the one egging him on cos i can't really wrap my head over why he changed drastically the way he did

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hmmmmm..Stella you're are full of wisdom, advice so perfect. For bless you!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aswear... perfect advice from stella, i always tell my friends, your husband doesnt owe your family nada.. hes only responsible for you and your children.. if he starts taking care of your parents and siblings, who will take care of his... madam abeg free your husband, but i think he owes your parents phone calls . Plead with him to atleast call them.. if you like divorce him because of this small issue, your eyes go neat, girls wey dey outside are not smilling.

      Delete
    2. Winnie you just spoilt your comment with your last line, girls outside. Let him go to the girls outside na. Anything he sees, let him take it. To most of you, marriage is all there is to your existence. I'm not the poster btw

      Delete
    3. The funny thing is that some of these men are the ones shouldering the responsibility of the parents of the girl outside. I've seen it many times.

      Poster your concerns are very valid. Your husband's behavior is hurtful to say the least. I detect see finish and arrogance. He doesn't have to do too much, just call them from time to time and at least respond to their communication. I think you should talk to him about it very well, but not in a confrontational way. If he doesn't change face front and reduce the 32 you show to his own people.

      Never bring up anything derogatory about your family again and make sure he is aware that you relate well with them. Like Sapphire said, I really respect your father. That is what mine would do too. In your own way, as Stella said, provide and do all you can for them.

      Also not to alarm you but I think at this juncture, you look into how he relates with you. Maybe he sees you as a burden. Are you working? If not it may be time to start trying to help yourself financially and save, no one knows tommorrow.

      Wish you well poster and please update us.

      Delete
  8. Poster I see entitlement mentality here cos you kept on saying your husband doesn't send Money to your family. Why must you wait for him to send money to your family? Stand up and start sending money, drugs to your family.

    6ou should stop telling him to prescribe drugs for your mum, get a good doctor who can do that for your mum and from time to time you send the doctor an airtime to appreciate.

    Stop allowing people to give you sleepless night, since your husband doesn't want to relate with your family just withdraw from relating with his family too. Fo not talk about your family with him again. Start calling your family often. Stop calling his family but please no fight or argument. The day he wakes up from his sleep you too adjust.

    Hope you have not been bad mouthing your family in his presence or gossiping about them.

    ReplyDelete
  9. How much did they bill him for bride price? Was there any negative talk about him from a member of your family while dating?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly wanted to ask how much the bride price was? Have u asked your husband's father or mother if your husband has told them anything??. Just invite them to the house one day. Invite your parents also and have a talk. Somerhing went wrong somewhere.

      Delete
    2. A man that really loves a woman would spend anything and everything possible to marry his woman. Yes i said so. I am an igbo lady married to a yoruba doctor and upon the list etc, he still says it till now that no amount would have been demanded of him for me that he wouldnt pay. Note, we have been married for years oh! He isnt so wealthy yet but we are talking about value here. The man is just been disrespectful. Whatever the issue is, cant he trash it out with his wife. Imagine disregarding the family. Abeggiii...Rubbish.

      Delete
    3. The pen no just follow. My husband no do reach half before I change am for am. Madam, don't discuss your family matter to him, either good or bad. When you want to speak with them change room, even if he can hear you no problem just make sure you are not in the same room when you are making calls. You see his family, be nice to them but reduce shining of teeth. If you go to their function 3 times, reduce it to once. You see that money wet him get no fear to beg for am.

      Delete
  10. Aunty Stella, I don't agree with your red pen. She didn't stress on her husband financially helping out but her husband showing regard for her family. Why would he ignore calls and messages from his in-laws when they aren't doing so to request for things. Imagine ignoring her mother's health complaint. Her husband is just plain ass disrespectful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks anon 15:21.i completely disagree with red pen . She's not asking the man sends money to her parents just honour them

      Delete
    2. I don't agree with her too

      It's not majorly financially she complained about, he does treat them as his family which is very wrong. I am sure before they gave him their daughter he'll be all nice and all, so what changed?

      My advice is talk to his siblings you know he's close to or even his parents and see the outcome πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

      That thing can pain sha

      Delete
    3. Please don't speak with his siblings.
      1.Shower all your love on your family
      2.Get another Doctor contact who your parents can speak with.
      3.Make your self abit scarce towards his family. Always be respectful though.
      4.If you are not working, get a job. He takes you for granted and feels like he can disregard your parents without any repercussion. Money STOPS NONSENSE.
      Please find a way to empower yourself and watch your man change.

      Delete
    4. Totally disagree with the comment too.

      I was hurting on behalf of her parents as I Read this. She clearly stated that they don't demand from him. What's so difficult in making calls to ur inlaws from time to time.

      I think your husband is too proud and probably sees ur family as inferior to him. This is disheartening. Pls tell ur parents to act like he doesn't exist. Pls don't mention ur family to ur husband anymore. Do what u can for them from ur pocket and totally leave ur husband out of it.

      One day, one day, God willing, he will need them for something and maybe, just maybe he will learn his lessons then.

      Delete
    5. Poster, please don't take Stella's red pen to heart.
      Try and increase your family's value by focusing on issues that concern them. Hide their flaws, show them love and kindness, give them without asking him.

      Delete
    6. Exactly.....Stella's red pen no enter....someone is complaining about her husband's rude attitude towards her family and it turned to her seeking for financial favour for her family....Poster ignore all those comments and listen to the ones who have told you to ignore and focus on your family....I was once in ur shoes....na me dey call everybody for my husband house, my husband will never call my family...even when my family render help, to say thank you na wahala...and to think that when we need help nothing comes from his family but mine....omo I changed pattern o, I totally ignored his family and concentrated on mine....shey na Dem dey find me now....he has learnt the hard way...

      Delete
    7. I don't understand Stella's red pen too, she completely flew off tangent.
      Stella this poster in no way indicated that her family was burdening her husband. She categorically stated that her family members have never asked him for anything financially related.
      If na me, I will stop communicating with his family members too, what is good for the goose is good for the gander. I no dey greet anybody for him family again.
      If he notices, we will then table the matter properly and come to a resolution. The husband is being unfair to his wife, the wife is not happy about it and has consistently registered her displeasure, if he had a genuine reason then what stops him from speaking up?? Is this how he plans to continue to relate with his in laws? For how long will he keep being petty, abeg abeg abeg.

      Delete
  11. So sorry Poster... looks like see finish. What have you been gisting your husband about your family members? Some men get am for body.

    What i will advise you to do is make money, if you already work, work harder. Send cash to your parent, bridge that gap. Reduce the calling to his own people. Yea i said it. If he calls his people on the phone, leave the environment. If they want to speak to you, postpone it till another time with the guise of you're busy. Dont keep malice just change your priorities. Do to them, what he does to your people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said! Since your family have gotten the Memo, then let him be! if it's possible, you then tell your family to stop calling him too. Talk and laugh with them even in his presence. Reduce the way you talk to his own family too. Hustle and take care of their financial needs as much as possible. IGNORE HIM TOTALLY WHEN IT COME TO YOUR FAMILY.

      Na him go tire

      Delete
    2. I love this advice.

      Focus on your family and make yourself scarce to his too but don't hate or give them attitude. Your priorities needs to change. Your husband is just being proud. Not nice abeg.

      Delete
    3. Chai, y'all are bursting my brain. Poster, this is the answer you seek.

      Delete
  12. I know that's what you will say Stella, at times you are so predictable, let my husband behave like this and have me to contend with, na that time he go know say na 9 types of madness dey.

    Madam just talk to your husband heart to heart and if you are financially ok, send things to them little by little. Also call them regularly and play with them too. Don't brood too much, just find a way to tackle the issue in a mature way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You go just destroy your marriage for nothing. Because after 9, na 10.

      Just thank God for the marriage you have, if you married. Or pray not to men with the 10th type madness.

      You guys always encourage women to destroy their marriages over inconsequential matters.

      Delete
  13. May God fix it for you poster..


    From your little saving give to your parents,call them everyday so that,they will not feel bad,you do the needful from your savings/pocket to avoid unnecessary trouble BTW you and your hubby..
    Find out his reason for his behaviour toward your family.
    May God guide and direct your steps..

    ReplyDelete
  14. Stella’s advice get as e be. Poster, you do have valid concerns, her should respect your family as you respect his. It’s not about sending things to them but just basic courtesy and respect. You should talk to your husband about it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. It's your job to cover your husband's laxity so your family won't hate him. Your husband's relationship with his family won't be the same as his relationship with yours, u are the middle man and you are slacking that's why Ur people noticed. Maybe your husband felt used n pulled back. If you are a working woman then support your family, if not earn your own money n support your family. My husband speaks with his mum daily n speaks with mine on special occasion like once in two months,but they are very cool with themselves because I always tell mum that hubby extends his regards even when he doesn't say it and I tell hubby my parents asked of him even when they didnt. Stop the comparison n take care of Ur family. h
    His family raised him not urs, and your family raised you not him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is no way she can cover and they still won't notice. He does not call! He doesn't have to call everyday but at least keep in touch.

      Delete
    2. Good advice, poster take thisπŸ‘†

      Delete
    3. Please, don't cover for him. That is lying, especially when direct contact with him shows the opposite. If you make them believe he cares but is too busy to show it, what happens when they see him or call him and it's the opposite? I had this issue in my family. I decided to mirror his actions. Sometimes, people learn better when they see how their actions affect others themselves. The mirroring didn't even take one month and oga wanted to talk. It turned out he felt I was too close to.y family. He felt breaking from them would break me off too. Selfish, abi? But the kicker was he expected me to move that love to his family. I told him straight up. Marriage is 100-100, not 50-50. Our families are OUR families. Not yours or mine. If we won't treat each side the same, then we won't treat them at all. I gave him the choice. Today, everyone is in paddy mood. Poster may not have done anything or said anything about her family. This could be his way of controlling her. There are men who believe that the bible said women should leave their family and cling to their husbands and their families. When you show the verse, like mine, they see it's the opposite. Be wise and guided. You know your situation better. Mirroring worked for me. It may not for you. Love is caring and sharing. Marriage is all that and more. Unless your family means nothing to you, your spouse shouldn't be treating them badly.

      Delete
    4. No need to cover this type, he has to take responsibility for his actions.

      Delete
    5. Covering for adults always has a way of disgracing the person doing the covering

      DONT DO IT

      Delete
    6. Your case is different!! Poster's hubby cannot be covered for. How can he air his mother in law who only called to ask for medical recommendation (not even money) and he hasn't deemed it fit to call back and check up on her in months? That is blatant disrespect and should not be taken anyhow.

      Delete
    7. Cover for him so they wcontinue to call and text him while he ignores them? Abeg save them from any further disrespect and tell them to stop calling him.

      He goes to visit and see his family while you don't see yours? You need to go back to the drawing board and let him know your family is important. ⁿo

      Delete
  16. Mmmnm, my dear poster, please can you face your front and mind your own family in terms of finance and attention God will provide for you and help you, instead of ridiculing your family,I know it hurts, but please tell your parents and siblings to stop making your hubby feel important, before he came along you guys were doing well, I know the feeling of my son in law is a doctor he will treat me better, since son in law don distance himself make una face front and gain your respect back abeg. Someone like me i can't stand the fact that I relate and show love to your family and you on the other hand has refused to reciprocate. If he feels pressured by your family, he should at least discuss it with you, it's so rude and I'll mannered to ignore your parents in law calls like who train you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very rude & disrespectful nonsense. But people here are busy talking about money

      Delete
  17. If you know your family have not wronged him in anyway and he refuses to talk to them;let him be..

    Respect is earned;and the power you give to anyone is the leverage they have got over you..

    Dont revenge by not talking to his own family(which you already do before now) cos it would be very childish..

    Let him be;get another doctor,life always gives us options..

    You can send money to your own family;dont disrespect your extended family further by asking your husband henceforth..

    Before your husband;your family were living..respect yourselves and earn back your respect please..

    @MARTINS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also quit sharing the weakness of your extended family to your husband,especially financial weakness..

      Most Spouse do these thinking it's because they are in love but it's actually depreciating the respect your spouse has earlier for your family...

      Dont pour out their vulnerability so easily because you are in love;train your tongue to know its limit while discussing with your spouse..

      Pour water inside your mouth;Listen more and talk less when your mouth begins to scratch you..

      @MARTINS

      Delete
    2. πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

      Delete
    3. For once I disagree with you little bit. She should reduce the way she relates with his people too and with time even stop talking to them if need be. Some men don't ever understand the way you feel till you're pay them in their own coin. She shouldnt disrespect his parents o, but she can pull back. Her parents are valuable too!

      Delete
    4. As for me oh, I CANNOT continue to relate with his family as if nothing happened, he has to understand the gravity of the nonsense he is doing. Naaa, it won't work. No one is saying he should be bffs with his in laws, but at least show them the respect they deserve.
      I won't even treat a non family member that flippantly, how much more my immediate in laws.

      Delete
  18. That he doesnt relate with your family should not bother you, you can do the relating, call yours as he calls his. Maybe he feels pressure or they may have started billing him indirectly and he doesnt want that. In my case, my family nt care about my husband, they don't even call him, heck! they don't even need anything from him coz they are well off. He is the one that would call once a while and my dad do not pick, but when its Christmas, they exchange season greetings via text. I call his mom once a month I have never called his dad after wedding, and everyone is ok, respect is there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your Dad doesn't pick his call.

      And no fights.

      Hope all the advisors for a tit for tat and fights read your comments right.

      Delete
  19. I see no entitled mentality here. As Africans, once you are married into a family, you become part of it. Your husband's behaviour towards your people isn't fair as you enjoy good relationship with his. My advice would be to celebrate your family at every chance. Call your parents, relatives and attend every occasion. Don't nag your husband about his attitudes to your people. Leave him alone and don't bring up your family discussion to his ears again. Do to your inlaws what your husband does to yours and let's see if the tide doesn't change.

    Most of all, don't discuss your husband's attitude with your parents again. That's why your dad could stay in an hotel rather than staying with you....yes it'salso your house too. You created the tension between your parent and husband by forcing relationship between them. Learn to relate with your parents without your husband's involvement and watch and see if your husband wouldn't change. Be wise

    ReplyDelete
  20. Madam poster, take care of your family and stop pressuring your husband...do it on behalf of both of you...perhaps you have no money of your own, if you did, you wouldn't be this bothered...

    ReplyDelete
  21. Earn your own money and take care of your parents. If he doesn't pick their calls,tell them to stop calling him.
    Meanwhile treat his people the way he treats yours ;no quarrels, no fights but stop calling them on phone and tell him you are busy when he asks you to speak with them on his phone.
    No side is more important than the other in a marriage abeg

    ReplyDelete
  22. What ever he might have heard, guessed, imagined or seen, ignoring their calls is disrespectful. Could it be he's tired of "helping" your family?

    Your family existed prior to you marrying him and they should continue doing so without him. Let your family stop communicating with him since it's useless doing so. All the "I called to greet you" should stop. He looks down on your family to the extent of not answering calls of his parents in-law. Let him be. If he does not hear from them, he will one day ask how they're doing.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Stella I beg to disagree on some of your red. Poster stop relating with your husband's people. You can send things to your parents without your husband. If your husband can't relate with your family then don't relate with his on people period.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Am the poster...no Stella am not expecting him to assist my family financially as that's his choice if he chooses to.even my siblings won't accept his assistant to my family because he doesn't relate with them.am only concern because he doesn't call my family and angry when my family call him or text him and he doesn't return the favour. I don't relate anything to him about my family and my family didn't bill him during payment of my dowry infact some things were exempted from my dowry just to make it easy for him. I just feel since his close to his family now he doesn't see any reason why he should relate with my family and am not happy about that.he doesn't need to assist them financially,the least he can do is to call them,his married to someone not only his family and friends that matter.and yes have spoken to him about it but yet he has refused to change

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster

      Park him like car
      Meaning?

      Stop asking him to do what he doesn't feel is right to do

      Your family have you and tour siblings
      Face them and do your best
      When you park him, no expectations, no disappointment, no resentment plenty peace, no nagging, plenty silence

      As they are not worthy of respect
      Stop trying to retrain a grown adult who refuses to do the right thing

      Relate with his family calmly & civilly, mind your business concerning them

      Let your children greet their grandparents on the phone, focus on other things

      No one should use you to chase clout or boost funny ego
      Park him !
      In this matter

      Delete
    2. The Original ShugarGirl27 December 2021 at 19:13

      I am sorry poster.
      Be scarce to his family side. Don't talk about it with him until he brings up the topic.

      Be wise so that he does not use you to block his attitude towards your family.

      Give your family all the love you can. Don't ask him for help to your parents. Occassionally remind him to send help to his parents in turn he might want to factor your parents needs in as well.
      Nigerian marriages can be stressful but you will overcome with wisdom.

      Delete
  25. Stella please( rolls eyes). The annoying thing is how others are following stella's advice. This is just a proud man finish! We get them well well as inlaw for my family. You come add Dr to him title, mtchewwwww (rolls eyes again) ndi isi nkuka! Nigerian Dr's that can feel like demi God. Even my cousin that we all grew up together playing with have joined the crew. One of my inlaw came around sha, but that was much later in their marriage, started relating with her people all over again, this one was so bad that if you're in his house he will barely answer your greetings. But my sis kept relating with his family and kept letting him know that his attitude hurts her. One day after almost 15 years he changed. Like you they weren't begging him for anything at all,it was just a case of arrogance. Most men and their family will use their wives to clean ground if she isnt from a well to do home. Tufiakwa.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Poster hope you have something doing? If yes take care of your own family without making noise about it. If not find way to be getting money n goodies from your husband to help your family. Use your woman Power naaa haba !!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did u actually read the chronicle? Or are u the typical sheep that follows others' opinions? Read again but this time, turn on your brain & put yourself in her shoes. Or would u say it's okay to not return calls of your in laws or reply their texts? Is it okay to ignore ur mother in law when she needs a simple prescription when she's ill? Is it okay? But all u people see is MONEY & Stella's pen. Read!

      Delete
    2. 17.23 turn on her brain? you really don't have to be rude..

      Delete
  27. I trust the siblings I have, to hell with you. They won't call, never. My mum will try and stops immediately. Every body dey their dey. The way I talk about my family, no man will ever look down on them. We are not better, but I hype my family that you will think we are a price

    Poster, the way I'm seeing, it is like you don't even have a good relationship with your own family. If you do, celebrate them at every given time, make calls with them and have a long chat laughing. Be chatting and smiling, celebrate your mum and dad always. Destroy your WhatsApp status. Can your family just stop reaching out? Can they just stop, like stop already?

    The way I love my family and hype them, any man not relating with them will feel like he is missing out. Even when we are all going through sh*t. In short before meeting my siblings, if you no strong, you can feel intimidated, but hmmmm na packaging

    ReplyDelete
  28. Your husband is just like mine except for the fact that he doesn't relate well with his family communication wise but financially he helps them in any way he can. He has never sent anything to my family as an inlaw on his own unless he's been asked. What I do is make sure my people are very comfortable whenever they visit. I don't care wether he's angry or not because I can't be so nice to your people when they visit and my own will now be feeling like outcast in my own house because of husband's attitude. Not possible. I'm only praying for a very good source of income so I can care for my people the way I ought to. No time to waste on any uncaring husband abeg.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Its the case of see finish, don't discuss anything with him to avoid trouble, treat his family exactly the way he treats yours. Simple

    ReplyDelete
  30. Wow! Stella this your red pen advice no be am at all. If my husband does this to my family, I will return 100 of folds to his family. Your husband has no respect for you poster. Stop talking to his family. It’s as simple as that.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Madam poster. Rerun the same treatment to his family. You have every right to complain. Don’t talk to his family again. If they ask or complain, let them know why. It’s simple.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster don't compete in do me I do you

      Teat his family with respect, do not just carry them for head

      Delete
  32. Poster,my hubby does not call my family members,he doesn't even reply their calls or messages, infact he no send them. But sends like bag of rice once or twice a year. I use style collect money from him and add to what I have to send to my family, secondly I returned the favour too, I don't call his family too, infact I no send too, send money or clothes when I can, and just let the person know. Entitlement mentality too dey worry us, we should learn how to press ignore button and work to succeed over any obstacle

    ReplyDelete
  33. A man is passing through the state his daughter stays and cannot even pass the night in his daughters place! He stays over in a hotel when there are rooms in his daughters abode! Wow! I would be heartbroken if I was this poster. This is not right at all! Her husband needs to change! Poster have a talk with him about how all of this makes you feel. If he doesn't change, find someone he respects and have the person talk to him. I hope he changes for better for all your sake.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly!!! Her family needs to ignore this man completely!!!

      Delete
    2. It is not compulsory to sleep in your son-in-law's home. The real social crime was that, the son in-law did make him feel welcome enough to visit before going to his hotel room.

      Delete
  34. Dear Poster, I have the same issue with my hubby even though my parents take care of the children after school till we pick them in the evening and even spoil them( as per grandparents) . Thank God they don't need his money and his help so they don't send him. I just locked up on my family issues and deal with his as he deals with mine without being rude and I call them on special occasions, we are balanced. Keep your family issues to yourself, maybe they made demands on him that you're not aware of or he is not happy about the way you intervened when you had issues. You can discuss with him about it and if he doesn't change don't let it cause issues between the two of you. I pray God will provide for you to take care of your family adequately. Also make him realise that he's going to be a father-in-law in future and will he be happy if his son-in-law does the same to him. God bless your home.

    ReplyDelete
  35. You called calls to his family stupid calls but angry he doesn't call yours? May be he thinks calling yours is stupid too. If he was close to your family and neglect his, will you be bothered? When he was close to your family, did you try to harmonise with his? People don't just change, there must be a trigger. For now, face your family and let him be! Those of you that try to separate a man from his family, can you see how hurtful it is if these men start treating your families like strangers?

    ReplyDelete
  36. I am sorry about how you feel poster. Your concerns are valid. The two of you are now one, so he is expected to honour parents also.
    Please try to do things for your family so they don't feel his disrespect too much. I know you've spoken to your husband, but try to have a calm conversations with him again, highlighting the importance of him doing the right thing.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Nne I was angry at what you wrote but when I read that your husband is a Dr, I just relax. Please follow Stella's advice. Make your family look like gold joor.
    Start calling them more
    Joke with your parents on the phone in your husband's presence and tell him they sent their regards.
    PROBABLY HE HAS WEIGHED YOUR FAMILY AND SEE THAT HE'S THE RICHEST AND FEELS THAT IF HE'S TOO CORDIAL WITH THEM, THEY WILL MILK HIM DRY, SO HE LOCKED UP.
    If you are working it's easier.
    If you are not please save and take care of them. It's not all men that will willingly take care of their wife's family.
    For me, I take care of my family and my husband takes care of his own family. Once in a while we can help out with the other family but most of the time we just face front.
    Don't expect too much from him if he's not willing.
    My dear sometimes you don't get what you want or expect in marriage oh.
    Be wise and give yourself peace ojare.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Which one is entitlement madam? That man is very is very wicked and doesn't respect your family probably because he felt he is richer. Very stupid man. Biko nne start taking care of yours. Collect money from him and take care of your parents. So he didn't know that he took possession of someone's property or did you fall from the tree? Nonsense. Better be wise oo.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Poster what is happening to you is see finish.
    You see me,we are not rich o but the kind of charisma and the way I hold myself. I won't lie or fake anything. I just won't tell you everything.

    If I am dating a guy that's well to do,I can't be telling you everytime that you call that I haven't eaten make e no dey like say we no dey see food for my house.
    Even when I know that there is no love between my parents,I talk about how much they love themselves so he knows that I come from a loving home and would be looking for same.

    When you start telling a guy you are dating how your brother is always begging,how your mother starves your father,how your sister doesn't sleep at home. It only takes a mature guy not to use it against you in future.
    I am not saying you should lie. Just learn how to use wisdom when it comes to your family because he most definitely won't tell you his family's bad side

    For your husband,it could be that the demands were too much and he decided to withdraw. He is your husband and you will not get anything from him using gra gra
    Help your parents in the little way you can. I won't even advice you to always ask him for money to give to your parents. He sounds financially comfortable so I'm sure he has been giving you money for other expenses. Take money from that if you are not working and help your parents.
    Sorry

    ReplyDelete
  40. Poster..tell your family to stop calling him...how can he ignore your mum's call, that was RUDE...you can get money from him and take care of your parents..and you too stop relating with his people..Do me I do you God no go vex

    ReplyDelete
  41. Ur husband has no respect or regard for ur parents or family.No matter how bad they are,he married their daughter so there should be respect..just ignore him,take care of ur parents by urself,if they have medical needs ask another nurse or doctor.just leave him alone ignore him totally,and start treating his family same way he does urs.stop carrying his family on ur head.he will get the message soon.he is a wicked man.

    ReplyDelete
  42. There was an issue and your family took sides.
    That's what informs how your husband treats them now

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought about this too
      He resents them low-key for taking sides.

      Poster, whatever the cause is, face your own family, greet his own family once in a blue moon. Call your own people in his presence all the time. Squeeze out money and send to them too. Give your mum money to visit the hospital and ask her about her visit in his presence. Ask her about the drugs they prescribed and tell her to take them judiciously. Tell her if she feels anything she should call the doctor and that you will even love to speak with the doctor cos you wish to make him a family doctor to your mum dad and siblings staying with them.

      If she did not get his contact, tell her to go back there and get his contact. 🀣🀣🀣🀣

      Honestly, my hubby cannot try this with me. Me that his parents call and ask why I don't call them? I'm very poor in checking up on people including my own people, they are the ones who call me most times. So imagine him doing this thing that poster talked about up there, I will just stop picking their calls and call them every January 1st.
      Most importantly, ma'am, get a small business, even if it is online business. Meet those in the know to teach you. All the bestπŸ€—

      Delete
    2. Hmmmmm it could be ooo πŸ€”

      Delete
  43. Wrong advice stella.
    The husband is a 100% wrong .
    Her family needs nothing from the man. Just a little respect .
    Haba! Why won't you check on someone that gave his daughters hand in marriage to you.
    She has every right to be angry. And the husband should be ashamed of him self.

    Madam I don't know what you should do. Tell your parents to stop calling him or sending messages.
    Make long and constant calls to your family members . And let them know they are welcome to your home.
    Good luck

    ReplyDelete
  44. Please don’t discuss it with him and tell your parents not to mind him. Continue to be good child to your parents. Give his family members distance. Take good care of your parents. If he doesn’t visit your parents, don’t visit his. When your in laws ask why you e changed. Tell them the reason and if they are responsible people they will call him to order. My husband was like that. He has changed tremendously that my mum shares secrets with him. They both planned my surprise party. Ensure u don’t tell him negative things about your family or is it that your parents demand things from him without your knowledge?

    ReplyDelete
  45. I don't agree with Mrs Korkus on this. There's an anonymous up there that wrote an epistle. I totally agree with her. She ended with be nice and scarce.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Likely some status and class issues at play here.

    Are good family doctors hard to find where your parents live? I know it is convenient to have him just send the prescription, but unless they are frail it may be best they seek mefical attention from someone close at home to them.

    This next piece I am going to write take it with a grain of salt as this is based solely on assumption and I may be 100% wrong. But there is also a possibility that your husband could be cheating. It could stir up guilt in him and make him not able to face your parents and shun them. But like I stated that is just a slight possibility and not based on facts, just an assumption so please do not take it to heart.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I disagree Stella. Everything is not money. It's not the money especially but love and regard that is been craved.

    Poster, all I can say is nobody eats their cake and has it. If you're not financially confident( note I didn't say independent) enough to call his bluff, you have no say in this matter. But if you did, and if I were you, I'd give him a threat and an ultimatum.

    How can you love me and not love my family? That's a subtle message being passed across babe. It will soon be your turn. That man doesn't love you.

    I'd advise to cook a lie that your mum is critically ill(God forbid) and take a few days to go and be with her and cut all communications with him(optional). See his reaction.


    There is a reason a reason that man married you.

    How you people get blindsided by obvious red flags from the beginning baffles me. Is it money?!

    It's a matter of time before he starts to extend it to you yourself. You're only still useful to him now bcoz you take care of his kids. Which itself is not rocket science when there is money. Ask Precious' FFK.

    You're walking on a tightrope.

    I can bet it you don't really feel loved by him in the marriage except for money and that he takes responsibilities, and he's good to whenever he wants sex.

    He's alienating himself from them so he doesn't have to feel accountable to or be considerate of them when he starts to dealieanate you yourself and disrespect you. It would be a walk in the park for him dumping you.

    In my own opinion, if he doesn't change, you better divorce him. That's if your family is good, supportive and worth it. Cos in my own case I don't even have a family to be proud of so it gives him better leverage and excuse to be totally useless.

    Your mum too should quit going behind you to talk directly to him for now. He's made it clear, he's not friendly with them. Who knows whether they've said things or requested things in the past (without your knowledge) that annoyed him. You keep saying they don't make demands from him. How do you know that?

    At this point and on 2nd thoughts, I'll suggest you have a heart to heart with him first. I'll never understand how you people claim to be married to men you can't talk(sense) into.

    Do that first sis and if all else fails, my advice is to pack your bags. I hate what I don't like. I hate stubborn aloof reactions from people. Even if he wasn't 'wired' like that, like my own always claims, he has to learn. Nobody was born wired to have sex with a woman for example. I'm dumping his ass this December by God's Grace. I'll share my story soon once I have the time.

    I know this cos I have a similar but different experience.

    Wake up from your slumber.

    ReplyDelete
  48. I don't agree with you Stella,I don't think her problem is buying foodstuffs for her parents.and for those of u saying her husband owes her parents nothing,ur nt serious,he owes Dem alot especially respect.imagine even a thing if health,he ignored meaning she can as well die.nawa for dis man.poster pray then sit and talk to him.if he refused to change,pay him back in his own coin.ignore his people also.we should al learn to respect each odas parents and family and see Dem as our own.my 2 cents!!!

    ReplyDelete

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