Hmmm...
DEPRESSED OVER SIBLINGS GOSSIP
I got married in 2016 but have to walk away cos the marriage was a wrong decision, instead of happiness I became a sadist.
I got married in 2016 but have to walk away cos the marriage was a wrong decision, instead of happiness I became a sadist.
I was depressed till I got my feet back. I relocated from that state to a new state so that I can heal fast and face my life. I have been trying so hard to get over it but my elder siblings are not helping matters , the constant reminder of my failed marriage, how age is not on our side, how we have been living a terrible life 💔 I do not drink, club, sleep around or living a wayward life but just that I am not in a husband house or have children I am living a wayward life.
I have been avoiding to call or see them cos each time you call our 1st daughter she will be complaining you don't visit or call her with her husband.
She keep on reminding me how her husband paid my school fees when I was in secondary school, all what I have done for her she will never remember. I am fed up with what they are doing to myself and my elder sister. I plan to send them a voice note cos I cannot have the three of them at the same time to tell them if they enter 2022 with same attitude I will cut all ties with them. How can I not have peace of mind cos life decided to treat me this way, God knows how I wish to have a man as my husband and blessed with children.
I wish I can just make marriage happen, I don't mind to give marriage and love another chance. I want to have children but non is forthcoming. I am dying in silent over this issue friends do not remind me of my past but my siblings are reminding me of my past. To think I brought my ex to my two elder sisters before we got married and they all agreed I should go ahead and marry him but immediate the marriage was over they all lied against me for not listening or marrying the wrong person.
I took all the blame cos I married a wrong man, the marriage ended in 2018 but till now my siblings has not stopped talking about it. My elder brother was in Turkey then but he lied that he said I shouldn't marry the guy..
My final divorce process will be in January 2022, I can't wait to get that paper and move on finally but if I continue coming close to my siblings they will push me into committing suicide. Should I send them a voice message expressing how myself and my elder sister feel about the whole thing. Going through a failed marriage is not easy, facing life without a child or husband at age 35 is not easy either, struggling with fibroid is not a joke ,then why adding more pains to my life.
I couldn't sleep after I visited my elder brother yesterday for the Christmas and his wife gisted me all my elder siblings said about me cos my elder sister came around to see my dad and left on 24th.
My dad had operation last week, I couldn't sleep throughout the night cos I kept on crying telling God why did he forget about me.
Why has he not remembered me. He should bless me with a husband and children so that my siblings can stop talking about me. I may not survive if this issue continues till 2022.
*You may not survive if your siblings continue pestering and gossiping about you? come on, its not that serious!!!
*You may not survive if your siblings continue pestering and gossiping about you? come on, its not that serious!!!
If their actions affect your mental health and they dont realise it, cut them off until you can get a grip on yourself...being married should not be a must or be the reason why you should want to stay alive... build your mind and stay away from people who bring you down!!!
It's okay to cut them off if that will speed up your healing.... Keep trusting in the Lord he will sure come through for you. Don't give up. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteExactly 👌
DeleteCommit suicide because of what kwanu? NNE be calming down, love yourself, try be happy and focus.
DeleteAll the best but please develop a thick skin o.
I think u should cut them off since they are not helping matters. No need sending the voice note.
Delete2022 pls be INTENTIONAL about urself, any negative tin or human dat will talk down on u. Cut dem off. U are single! U no kill person abeg.
Tell them your mind before 2021 ends, say the way you feel. from your heart, if they refuse to stop, cut all communications henceforth.They will get the message.
DeletePoster, let me calm you down a little. I'm in similar situation, I'm older than you and in my own case I've never been married. My my eldest sister has a "horn" in gossiping on her forehead. The others are ok but this older one will convince them in every way to join her against me. One thing that I have never given her is to feel pains. I don't allow my situation to weigh me down, I crave marriage, I want to be a mother but it's only God that can do it, so why should I make myself miserable na?
DeleteIf your family won't let you be, cut them them off for a while but if you can't then give them assignment by being happy. When they try putting you down, laugh at them and walk away and don't ever try to pay their children's school fees if they push them your way 😁. Live your life for yourself. Life no get duplicate o.
poster the lord is your strength please do not give up my sister. Suicide is not an option 💔. Be strong and have a family meeting via voice or video call before 2022 .
DeleteCut them off,
DeleteI can't take it all
Please, cut them for sanity.
DeleteI am sure they have no idea how much they are hurting you. I am also sure they are not gloating over your downfall. The issue is that you are hurting now and quite sensitive. Please be comforted by knowing you are just 35 and have a whole lot to live for.
DeleteIf I may ask, my sister, why are you not clubbing and partying nd dating and painting the town in rainbow colours? Because you let these hypocritical, sad , sanctimonious, holier-than-thous dictate for you what is right or pure. Nne, wake up and take your happiness as a serious project. Go out there and buy new clothes, go clubbing, make friends, date, have sex! You need it for your mental health. See ehn...at this rate, you will cry, mourn, fast, stay depressed yet those who will call you wayward will . Just make sure you live your best life DAILY. YOUTH IS TRANSIENT! One day you will just wake up and you are 60 and you will wonder how come you never made the best out of your hay days.
Listen, you have every right to make mistakes. You have made one with your 1st marriage, no wahala, on to the next. Work on yourself, build your finances/career, cheer up and expect a beautiful 2022. Fibroids? That is not new or strange for a 35yearold black woman. Most times, it does not hinder pregnancy. Relax and focus first on being happy.
As for your siblings, they mean well. They are just careless with the way they talk and it's your mood that is giving them the clue to think, act and speak the way they do. With a renewed vibrancy and positivity, you will attract good things, good people and good opportunities. You will attract answered prayers. Don't worry, you are an adult and God knows what He was doing when He put certain needs in place in you. A sexually starved woman is the most unpleasant kind to be around. Don't sabotage yourself. Go out there and have fun.
I always look forward to your comments Ms Saphire. Asin I read your comments no matter long word for word. May the oil on your head never run dry. @ poster live life already and quit being frustrated. Once u exude happiness, a wonderful man, kids and a happy life would come naturally. God be with you. Hugs
DeleteGosh, you are just whining whining whining. You are 35 not 13.
DeleteLive your life.
Live a life of impact.
Network.
Make money.
Do something in your lufecaoart from whining for husband and children and ignore people who are not adding value to your life.
You better be careful or this obvious desperation will lead you into fr worse.
Live life and enjoy it. It is the pressure from people that for forced women to accept that gender that is full of trash.
Poster ignore them. They will look for you when you've achieved all of those things you pray in secret. Don't let anyone push you to your limits o. Live your life and be happy. So sorry for all you're going through.
ReplyDeletePoster I was in your shoes few years ago. You know how I solved it?
DeleteI cut my family off especially those who were bent on making my mental health miserable for me. And no, I didn't pre-inform them. I just blocked them off and removed myself in everything that has to do with them. It remained so till I was able to be mentally independent of what people say to or about me.
If you can, cut them of or limit your interaction with them. Stop listening to people who tell you what they said about you, it won't make you feel any better.
Above all, go into your secret room and have a special intimacy with the Holy spirit. He should be the one you're listening to when the whole world are saying sh!ts about you. Go on your knees and talk to God. Ask Him to help you rediscover yourself and give your life a bearing.
I pray you find true happiness.
This right here is gold!!
Deleteyou don't need to send any voice note just cut these toxic folks off..if u must send vn talk about how u feel, your other sis can speak for herself
ReplyDeleteI agree, let your sister speak for herself so she doesn't deny you later. Except you can vouch for her character.
DeletePlease, by all means, do send them a VN. Not cos I expect them to change but do you have proof that you did warn them before taking any further action.
It seems words easily get to you and you don't have a thick skin..It shouldn't be that deep na and i think it be nice you maintain your space without any form of intrusion for now
ReplyDeleteWhich one is thick skin here now...you ppl dont realise some words cut deep, and can push ppl to suicide. Its the reason we have so many angry, bitter,disfunctional adults walking amongst us,many come from toxic families were hurtful words are thrown around and its supposed to be normal.
DeletePoster pls stay away from them till you get ur self together. Dont let anyone push you into depression. Send them text once in a while to greet, bday msgs, happy newyr etc.
I wonder why some Nigerian families are like this. Many ppl find more encouraging words from their friends than their own blood sisters. Even seeking for loans,they will rather go to a friend than siblings,so they wont table their matter in family meeting. Even late marriage and TTC,u will see its family members that will be asking the person silly questions instead of being sensitive abt it.
LOL Beds and Roses, the average Nigerian is from a toxic home. Look at the work place for instance, there must be one toxic boss advocating a toxic work culture.
DeleteEmotional abuse is now a normal way of life so much so that when we meet the normal people who can't with stand such toxicity, they're perceived as soft and are advised to toughen up. LOL, kinda funny but sad.
Hmmmm HRH so very very true. Growing up my childhood didnt seem so bad but i still feel the effects of not really being shown love and lifted up with words. They are quick to call you names like Stupid. Im trying to break the cycle with my children...lots of hugs, kisses, i loves yous...i tell they are amazing and have beautiful hearts. I do get angry and shout at them but im careful not to use bad words. I try to make them feel listened to and how they feel matters Most of us need to heal from our childhoods
DeleteAlot is really happening to people, please poster cut ties with your elder siblings who constantly remind you of your past and your failed marriage.
ReplyDeleteFamily or siblings should be protective of their family members when you have a failed marriage not to keep on gossiping you.
Please take it easy, sha don't marry the next available idiot because you are trying to prove a point to your siblings.
ReplyDeleteSend the voice note and if they don't give you a break, stay away from them, I can't understand how some of you allow people get you so worked up.
Try to take your mind off marriage and kids for now. Concentrate on your self, try to make the most of 2022, enjoy yourself to the fullest.
Husband and kids will come OK🤗🤗
Ah tor, from the looks of things that is what this sister may do. From frying pan to furnace.
DeleteIt gets to a point in life when you realize that all you've got is you. You have to make the most of yourself and that is what matters
ReplyDeleteThat said, you should surround yourself with things that will bring you happiness and peace of mind. Limit your contacts with your siblings since they bring you down. Don't let anyone decide your life for you. The power is on your hands
Poster pin this comment in your mind
DeleteI have saved@ Richie Rich comment, ☝️👍👍👍👍❤️
DeletePoster please by all means send that voice not to your siblings to face their family and only put you in their prayers if they wish to, they should please stop gossiping about you. Time and chance the bible says happenth to them all, it's not how fast but how well, you are in God's mind, he is only working things out for you for your good. Finally please live for christ and for yourself with a constant reminder of God's promises.
ReplyDeleteIf you are asking God to bless you with a husband so that your siblings will stop making jest of you; is that the right motive?
ReplyDeleteIf you keep this mindset, won't you be desperate and make another mistake in marriage?
Why not ask God for a husband so that you will have godly kids for him and be happy.
In as much as you cannot stay away from your siblings, limit contact so that you do not keep being angry.
Anger won't help you get closer to God or even let people see you for whom you are.
I love this your comment.
DeleteWhile at it dear poster, don't quote what your sister in law told you, this is to avoid your loose tongue siblings branding her a gossip and making life unbearable for her.
Address the issue of them (your siblings) talking down at you.
Here's wishing you lots of love as the divorce proceedings is being concluded next year.
You see that telling people what they said about them? Please if you do it, just stop it. It destroy people more. Rather tell them to be careful
ReplyDeletePoster cut them all off. Block them if you can for sanity sake
Seconded. People who do that actually contributed in the gossip about you and will in turn broadcast your response.
DeleteTrue.
DeleteCUT THEM OFF........your mental health matters
ReplyDeleteAunty let them know (cos even if you just cut ties,the pain of not having voiced out your feelings maybe due to fear or not wanting them to talk bad about you would continue to be with you 👈)....then give them space to heal.
ReplyDeleteat least they would come to the point of realisation that they're the reason you are distancing yourself from them👈
I support you sending them that voice note telling them how their words are killing you slowly. If they continue after that, then give them a wide space.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing more important than piece of mind
I was thinking you're 45yrs old. It's like you don't know how to talk back at people. They say why you never marry, tell them you'll marry and have children at God's time. Any thing they say counter it immediately and bless yourself. You'll even feel good doing it. Don't go and sell yourself cheap coz of frustration..ooo. God forbid you have another failed union.
ReplyDeleteShe doesnt know that for every gbas, ther is a gbos.
DeleteWhat if she is 45? I'm 45, never been married and loving my life. Do I desire a husband and children? YES! God's time is the best. Nobody can make me feel less of God's favourite that I am. Abeg, I love me too much than do allow anything or anyone get me depressed.
Delete10:25 that's the spirit!! Keep glowing!!
DeleteI'm sure you even look far younger than your age!! Keep rocking!!
Dear Poster please and please keep your siblings at armslength and begin to practice self actualization and peace of mind. Peace is not void of chaos but finding calmness in the midst of chaos.
ReplyDeletePlease speak positively in your life and don't make the mistake of falling in another man's arms because of what people say. Live life on your own terms. Live like you are the only person in this world, if there is anyone you shouldn't disappoint, it's you. Ehugs and all the bestm
😍🥰😍🥰😍🥰😍🥰
DeleteSend them the voice note expressing how they've made you feel all these while. Stay away from them afterwards. You need to heal and they are not helping. Please, never let anything or anyone bring you down.
ReplyDeleteGod will remember you when you least expected, keep trusting Him. It's well Sis. 💕
Dear Poster, sending you e-hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou do not need to send the voice note nor wait for your family to change. Focus on what you can change - You and your actions.
1. Start by being thankful to God for where you are: You are alive today, that is why you can count all the pressures. Once there is life there is hope. You have fibroid, it could have been worse (like a terminal disease). You can still go for an operation in the future. The marriage failed, so what, some people died while trying to make their marriage work. There is the option of adopting children in future. No one came into this world with anything and no one is taking anything out. So learn to see beauty in everything around you and things will change in your favour. From your write-up, it appears you have a job and roof over your head, it could be worse. What if you don't have a roof over your head and beg for food? I have been through everything you wrote up there(apart from the level of toxicity from family) because I don't give anyone that room for nonsense. So my advice is coming from a place of experience. Someday you will look back and say - everything I went through has made me a better person.
2. Issue of family: When going through pressures (multiple), the best thing you can do for yourself is safeguard your peace. Like you, I had a relative who just kept stressing my life with unnecessary expectations. When I got tired, I stopped pleasing people. Trust me, with time they will adjust to not receiving calls and messages. Deep down, people know when they are wrong.
Secondly, if they won't let you be or disturb your mental space, then it is time to cut them off. I had to cut off toxic people for my peace and it is so worth it! when I realised that if I breakdown,I will still need to pick myself up, I became very selfish about guarding my peace. You can only impact your world positively if you are thriving.
cut off toxic people if you have to.
3. Stop seeing yourself as a victim.Start being intentional about life. Make positive connections like joining a church group. Please note, the church or any other gathering of people has the good, the bad, and the ugly. So keep weeding out what is not worth it, and let what is worth it stay. Set some career goals , get busy... Someday you will look back with a smile. Positivity attracts , so get cracking on being the better person you are. Sending you another e-hug.
Beautiful 🥰💕🥰💕🥰💕🥰💕
DeleteDon't send them the voice note. Just go solo. Reach out to them once in a while through text message. There is a lot to live for. Life is not all about husband and children
ReplyDeleteI lost a brother through suicide. Do I make it a duty to comment on any post here threatening suicide.
ReplyDeleteI will tell you categorically: Do not try it and Stop thinking about it.
Don't send a voicemail to any of your siblings yet.
If one of them calls you again, and the discussion veers to your failed marriage. Simply admit you made a mistake. Politely but with some firmness in your voice tell him/her that that aspect of your life has passed; you are in a new year and expect God to favour; tell him/her to stop reminding you of the marriage; point to him/her to the fact that you could not have married before the divorce was finalized. Tell him/her that as the divorce has been finalized, you pray and expect to marry soon. Then still politely say you would not discuss the matter of your relationship and marriage again until God does it for you.
Please record the call if you can.
The sibling you discussed with will brodacast the matter. Your brothers-in-law will hear and may help you rein in their wives.
If any person, calls politely repeat what you said.
Steel your heart. By April it would have ended.
If it doesn't end, you can then write and edit the voicemail before you record it. Make sure you do not accuse or insult any of your siblings or in-laws or repeat hearsays. Focus on your desire to move forward and the end of all talks about the failed marriage or when the next will be. Thank them for their love and silent prayers as you wait on God to perfect HIS plans for your life.
It will end in praise for you.
See you in 2022.
Till then happy holidays.
Looking forward to reading a celebratory update on your post.
Again, see you in 2022. Expect my Happy New year greetings here!
I am so sorry Anonymous
DeleteAnother beautiful comment 😍🥰😍🥰😍
DeleteSo sorry about the death of your brother, please be consoled.
Hmmm!! It is so sad!! Family that are supposed to be your source of succor,are the real reason you are gradually walk the path of depression.
ReplyDeleteDear poster,I will advise you keep your distance from those your siblings,you can send the voice notes if you want to. But my sister you have lots of work to do on your self.You have to come to the realization that being married or not, doesn't define who you are.
Surround yourself with things and people that gives you joy and happiness.
Don't ever be pressured into getting married.
Affirm positive things into your life.
And all your heart desires shall be met soonest.
❤️❤️❤️
Send them the VN telling them how you feel and that you'll cut them off if they don't stop! And please don't jump into another marriage just to please them. Take your time, love and grow yourself. The right man will come.
ReplyDeleteI think your mindset about life is totally messed up. And you think marriage qualifies who you are? or you think it gives you the happiness you deserved? Madam, dust yourself, develop yourself and make money. If you had money, your siblings will worship you? men will also come your way and you can decide to have kids by any means. You have to start creating the narrative and stop being a cry baby. Good luck ma'am.
ReplyDeletevery stupid comment...what is a cry baby about what she said? some of you just dont know how to talk..
DeletePoster please cut everyone that is robbing u of ur happiness off,get a grip on urself,if u can change environment,change ur social circle if anyone is connected to them,block them on phone and social media,then if u can join a new church,make new friends,if you’re a business person network with ur fellow business owners,join a full businessmen fellowship around u,go out have fun,some days take ur self out,go out with ur friends,wear make up,spray a good perfume,make ur hair,make ur nails,look beautiful,go out watch movies,take ice cream,if u can afford it go on a vacation,take charge of ur life and ur happiness..Another man out there will find u attractive,but u really have to disconnect from ur hurt and be happy from within so that ur happiness can radiate in ur new relationship.if u don’t heal properly u might spoil ur new relationship cos of ur past hurt.Now u can also be happy without a man too,just live ur life and love urself.Most importantly pray involve God in ur life,take life easy,take things easy,Just breathe and live the most of ur life.Marriage and men is not the ultimate trophy in life.In due time all things will fall in place,
ReplyDeleteAlways speak positive things to urself,don’t let anyone steal ur joy and happiness,be in charge of ur life.Ur story will change for good.e-hugs poster,U are loved ❤️
Nice one!
DeletePoster, DELIBERATELY look for negative things in your elder siblings lives, MAGNIFY the story and SPREAD IT among their in-laws and villagers.
ReplyDeleteTHEY WILL GET BUSY DEFENDING THEMSELVES and forget about your failed marriage. That's how to treat people that like gossip. MAKE THEM THE SUBJECT OF GOSSIP!
Next step, CUT THEM OFF AND BLOCK THEIR NUMBERS.
They will get the message.
Nonsense siblings!🙄🙄🙄
I said it once before and I will say it again, if I find myself in the midst of toxicity,gossip etc be it family or friends, I will take a walk, I am selfish like that and will not allow any human put me under constant emotional turmoil..family is highly overated..
ReplyDeleteMe too 👍
DeleteI didnt see my post.
ReplyDeleteAvoid them...
Don’t send them any vn that is evidence they can use later.
ReplyDeleteCall them all up individually and when they start talking about your failed marriage give them the warning.
Remember no trace no case!
Don't send them voice note. That your kind of siblings will keep it forever and use it against you. Open your mouth and tell them how you feel about their actions and words towards you. It's not difficult to stand up for yourself. Why will you commit suicide. At least you got married. So many are begging to be married even for one month and divorce. When has divorce become a sin or death sentence. Please get hold of yourself. Strive to be a better you. My moto is... The end justifies the means. ... It is not how far but how well. Go to God in prayer. Tell him what you want. It will end in praise. You will not commit suicide in Jesus name. Amen.
ReplyDeleteHi Poster.
ReplyDeleteTake a deep breath. It is well with you in Jesus name. I know how it feels with sibling's chochocho on someone's matter and being 'insensitive'. I prefer to look at it as coming from a place of love and care towards you.
Try to find humour in their words and joke with them about it when they bring it up. You need company and things to distract you from the pain and heartache and not cutting people off.
However, if you can't see the humour presently, just avoid them for now till you heal.
PLEASE NOTE THAT GOD HAS NOT FORGOTTEN YOU. He loves you and is right there supporting and helping you through this pain. NEVER FOR THIS.
Hugs and kisses 🤗🤗
How ppl take this marriage thing as salvation itself is beyond me.
ReplyDeleteChange your telephone number and don't tell any of them and just keep to your side. You need healing and the chance ot sort out your life at a pace that you can manage without outsiders burdening your down emotionally and psychologically. Feel no guilt it staying in your corner and letting them stay in theirs. Obviously if your worth is tied up in marriage and all these things they see as perfection in life then unconsciously they are telling you your life is worthless because you are not like them. These kinds of mental abuse parading itself as love and care is damaging to the core. On top of it they are blaming you for the ending of the marriage, blaming you for not securing a new marriage already, blaming you for not having children, blaming you for not being wealthy. WTF!!! this is too much for anybody to hear every single time they come in contact. Please separate yourself and face your life. Get excited about things that interest you, pursue a hobby, look for better paying work or even venture into a business. Get real intuned with your life and focus 100% on you and elevating you. Associate with people who are positive and uplifting. Find the joy and magic in living again and do not let these ppl bring you down. Steer your ship where you want it to go and decide who gets to come with you on that journey. Sometimes we just have to disconnect and limit our contact with others for our own mental health and survival.
Nugget sighted - "Sometimes we just have to disconnect and limit our contact with others for our own mental health and survival"
DeletePoster, you owe your life and nobody should pressure you about anything. This 2022,cut off anyone that doesn't bring you peace. I did this in 2021 and I can't remember being moody over anything because all persons with negativity or whose hobby is to talk down on people were no longer in my life.
ReplyDeletena marry you never marry, you nor kill person and moreover you were once married. you are not the only mature single lady in Nigeria ok.
God is gonna surprise you sooner than expected
My 2 older siblings tried this same thing with me, after so many years of ensuring their bullshit, I finally severed all contacts with them this may. Since then I've been at peace with God and myself.
ReplyDeleteJust cut them off. Suicide is not an option
ReplyDeleteHugs, dear poster. The greatest gift we can receive from God is the gift of his presence. When Jesus visited the woman at the well, she had 5 ex husbands and was even in a situationshp - he himself pointed it out, but he didn't start finding husband for her, rather he offered her living water, so she will never again thirst. He visited Mary and Martha, and said that Martha had chosen the better - because Martha was in his presence without distractions. He didn't start finding husband for them, and they were single. The Lord's presence trumps over anything our hearts can ever desire. Cos we desire to satisfy our flesh, and to satisfy the world, but what God wants for us is to satisfy our souls so we can be truly free and thirst no more. Pls do not kill yourself, be full of hope for Christ has overcome the world. And his spirit lives in us to comfort and counsel us. I pray you be surrounded with his presence always.
ReplyDeleteDear poster,
ReplyDeleteYou siblings have no right I make you feel bad. People are not perfect, life is not perfect.
Search for peace, inner peace. If this peace means drowning their voices, then do what you need to do to either communicate your feelings to them asking them to stop taunting you or by cutting them off. Surround yourself with people that will only encourage you, you are going through a lot and you do not need the negativity. Please do not punish yourself in anyway by feeling that you are inadequate or by thinking of suicide. You are more valuable than that. God has put you in this world for a purpose and you are still here because you are yet to fulfil that purpose.
Focus now on taking care of yourself. Please.
Please do not kill yourself.
ReplyDeleteDon't send any voicenote.
ReplyDeleteJust delete them sharp.
No time for negativity.