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Saturday, April 09, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

 Hmmmm....







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
QUESTIONS ABOUT MARRYING A DIVORCED PERSON



Stella, I have a question and I need it to be discussed. I don't know if you can post it as a chronicle or some other kind of post.



 I matured with the RCCG stance on the remarriage of divorcees which is that divorcees shouldn't remarry because whomever they remarry is still considered as committing adultery even if the reason for their divorce is that their ex-spouse committed adultery.


 I don't even know if I'm making sense, let me try to explain it, like the only grounds for divorce in the bible is adultery.

 So let's say a man or woman committed adultery which led to a divorce, the innocent one among them can't remarry because even though their ex wronged them, it is only death that can truly separate the union and allow them to remarry otherwise they should remain unmarried because any new spouse they remarry is considered as adultery. 


Because of this, I've never really given much thought to divorcees. For me, it's a no go area but I discovered in the last 5 years that only divorcees have been asking me out and I've always declined. 


Three years ago, my friends that we held the same belief tried to persuade me that its not so bad, I should give it a chance and I thought it was because I had just turned 30 and they were scared for me and are just thinking just marry anyone.

 I tried to date one but I don't know if it's because of my belief that I just wasn't comfortable and had to let go. 


Now at 33, it's the same divorced men that are still coming and now I guess I'm under self pressure because I used to have a strong faith and was never bothered about my singleness but now it seems, life is just passing me by.


 I'm reading my bible and I'm asking God, if His promise is to give me the flesh of my flesh and the bone of my bone, surely it can't be the ex-flesh and ex-bone of another person? I mean God is not an author of confusion.


By the grace of God, I've been able to keep myself at 33, I don't think I want to have a guilty feeling that I might be committing adultery that I'm married to a man just because he's someone's ex. I don't want that kind of life.


 Do you people think it's time for me to let go of the life and standard that I planned for myself and embrace the one life is throwing at me? A friend of mine entered into a polygamous marriage some years back even though she vowed never to be in one....  when all the single men were just disappointing her and when she started consulting imams on her case, they told her, her destiny was to be in a polygamous marriage if she ever wanted to get married. 

She rejected this and tried other relationships but they all failed until she met and married a polygamous man when she just couldn't keep holding on. 


Because of my faith, I can't consult anyone on anything, I have told myself, whatever Jesus cannot do for me should be left undone but then I'm thinking could marrying a divorced man be my own destiny even though I don't want it?


 I don't want to wait until I'm 40 or 50 and still end up marrying a divorcee that I could have married at 26. What would be the point? Please let me just have your opinions biblically and based on life experience. Thanks and God bless.




*I dont have Bible verses but even some Pastors remarry when their ex spouses are still alive... That should tell you something.... There is nothing wrong in marrying a divorced man as long as he is properly divorced.

58 comments:

  1. Please do not "consult anything or anybody," consult God; Jesus whom you have believed all these while. Fast and pray daily until he answers you. Mark 10 and Mathew 19 are some of the Scriptures. But learn to have a revelation from Jesus and not just what you are fed from in the church "dogmas." He said, "my sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me..." John 10:27.
    He said "my sheep hear my voice," not "my shepherds ..." Did you read that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What if u marry a single guy and later in life, he wants a divorce Circumstances do occur,our way sometimes might not be God's way.

      It might even be your beauty, body structure and maturity dt is attracting d married men. Their is nothing wrong in marrying a divorced man, especially those without kids just ensure u are not being deceived. In all, look for a right man for you, the one dt will compliment your good and bad attitude.

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    2. Stella pls pastors are not our standards as Christian,the word of God is!

      Delete
    3. Please what about a twice divorced man?
      The first wife, he said she had spiritual problems and so he divorced her.

      Second wife, he said they were not compatible then divorced her (that he never really loved her, that she was a rebound, nyen nyen nyen)

      First marriage was like 5 years, second marriage 7 years.

      Sometimes I just wonder at God, you will do all you can to live a godly life, pray very well, sow seeds, do good deeds believing that you will eventually get the best of the best as per patient dog getting the fattest bone...after years and years of starving oneself believing God for a 3 course meal, na one week old remnants go land at ones feet...tis well...

      Delete
    4. 18:31 this your analogy really cracked me up aswear. My dear, the day I discovered this, I dropped religion like it's hot. I just live. You see religion, na bondage forgerrit.

      Delete
    5. 18:31

      Life is beyond marriage, pass the tests life throws

      Delete
    6. Poster please get the Book Marriage,Divorce and Remarriage by Kenneth E. Hagin
      I hope it answers your question. As a Believer and a Protestant you are, you should know who Kenneth Hagin is.

      Delete
  2. When you're too religious, your ability to think logically will be tampered with. Pray to God and do enough findings on why the man you chose got divorced. After that, move on and get married




    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster, stop cheating yourself. Far from religion and holy books, you know in your heart and soul what is right and wrong. So stop allowing unnatural doctrines limit you. The quality of person you marry is far much more important than the institution and ideology of marriage in itself.

      Delete
  3. ...for it is better to marry than to burn... Selah

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    Replies
    1. Poster na wa for you. I kind of understand your confusion but you sound like the type that will always find an issue with your situation if you marry a divorcee or remain single. Each may make you bitter eventually. Why not continue to have faith and believe you will meet someone who isn't divorced? You will still complain while waiting. I don't know what to say again other than whatever decision you make, stick to it. Don't second guess yourself or regret no matter the outcome. Just keep moving forward........

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  4. Remove not the old ancient land marks.

    If you want to live by God's word, live by it fully, no matter what the popular opinion is. NARROW IS THE WAY THAT LEADS TO LIFE.

    Jesus has the answer you seek. He will answer you but the truth is are you ready to hear Him. You own husband will come ❤❤

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you Anon. Poster,since you believe in marrying a single man, then begin to pray for God to send him to you. God says His plan is to bring us to an expected end. Now I believe you've been waiting but I don't know if you've been waiting and praying for what you desire because, like Anon15:36 said, your mindset will affect everything you see when you eventually marry a divorcee, and may stand in the way of your having peace in marriage. Proverbs 23:18 says,"There is surely a future hope for you and your hope will not be cut off". So pls pray for what you desire and hope in God. I know that there are divorcees who remarried and had wonderful marriages, because God is a God of second chances,His mercies are endless; and probably they didn't seek God the first time before going into the marriage. You on the other hand have nothing to lose if you seek him, and let him guide your heart to the right man. Also, what if, maybe God lets these divorcees come your way so that when a single guy with your qualities for a husband comes, he stands out, eliminating confusion and you just know he's the one. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with God but pls get closer to Him, concentrate on Him while telling Him who you want, then take this pressure of marriage off your chest & trust me God will grant you heart desires.

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  5. Convictions and belief systems are strong. Honestly, I would say stick to what you believe in. Cause if you marry a divocree every problem you encounter in the marriage you will blame on marrying a divorced person. You will see punishment behind everything. You are not at a place consciously or spiritually to marry a divorced person. Keep praying for a husband who comes with no encumbrances and who has never been married before.

    Go to singles socials and get involved with your school alumni group, go to places where you will be able to meet single men who have never been married before. Even participate in Singles and Mingles here on the blog. Speak to your parents too, see if they know anyone with an eligible son looking for marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly, stick to your belief and don't allow pressure from anyone sway you. How long will you continue to compromise because things didn't turn out the way you wanted? It may not be in marriage another time, will you still give in because your desired result isn't forthcoming?

      On a personal note, I don't believe a divorced person who left his marriage on grounds of adultery is committing a sin, not you and not the person who left the cheating spouse.

      In life šŸ§¬, learn to strive and go for what you want.

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    2. True.
      Stick to your belief, whatever it is. Makes it easier to take the good and bad that come with it.

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  6. Jesus said in Matt 5:31,32: "Moreover it was said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ However, I say to you that everyone divorcing his wife, except on account of fornication, makes her a subject for adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

    Fornication includes all forms of illicit sexual relations outside of marriage. In the case of a married person, it would be called adultery.

    From the verses quoted above, Jesus showed that if a husband divorces his wife for reasons other than her “fornication”, he exposes her to adultery in the future. That is so because the unadulterous wife is not properly disunited from her husband by such a divorce and is not free to marry another man and have sexual relations with another husband. When he said that whoever “marries a divorced woman commits adultery,” he was referring to a woman divorced on grounds other than “on account of fornication”. Such a woman, though divorced legally, would not be divorced in God’s eyes.

    Hence, a divorcee is free to remarry only IF the erring spouse is guilty of adultery.

    On another note, do not jump into a marriage with a divorcee just because they are the only ones coming your way. A divorced man comes with his own "baggage". It may be a spiteful ex that may be a thorn in your flesh for a long time. It may be step kids who would never like you. He may even be the cause of the divorce and hasn't changed those traits.

    Your friend who decided to marry into a polygamous home was wrong to have done so. In God’s eyes, she and her "husband" are commiting adultery. Besides, what kind of men did she used to date before settling with a married man? It's very likely she was dating married men while single hence the reason they seem to be the only ones coming for her.

    Be patient.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Poster I had the same beliefs
    as yours. I didn't even date married men at all. I waited on the Lord, I was not the type that visit pastors or any spiritual person. I could not get single suitor till I reached 40. I even passed . I later settled with a divorcee reluctantly because of my beliefs. I am very happy I did. The home is so sweet. I have no regrets of doing that. We are happily married. He is really taking best care of me. He doesn't want a failed marriage anymore. At the same time ,I am giving him peace of mind too. We are living good. His parents treat me like precious gold. This is my own experience. What works for A might not work for B. I did it because it gives me joy and peace. So good luck to u and follow ur instinct or hearts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You ended up not giving her even a verse of the Scriptures; so no what was your belief built, the doctrines of men?

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  8. OmĆ² bible is very deep oh
    ..I dont know what to say

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  9. Let's stop making man-made doctrines the guiding principles of our lives. No verse in the Bible says a person who is divorced Biblically shouldn't remarry.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Poster, your last paragraph sums it all.

    You are a family oriented person from your post and you wouldn't want to waste your time and end up in regrets of not having a family and children you have always desired especially at this age.

    Divorcees are also humans whom might be victims of circumstances. I always ask myself, with the way society detests divorcees, what if my enemy's marriage ends tomorrow and he/she gets that dreaded barge?

    A friend is in the same shoes as yours and has concluded she will become a single parent of 2 kids if she doesn't marry this year at the age of 36 but I advised she marry the divorcee than become a single parentšŸ¤·‍♀️ as I have read how hard single parenting is. Also, she might still end up having same kids for this same divorcee codedly because she's just about what people will say even when she so much love this man.

    In all, know whom you're dealing with and get all the necessary information required.

    Just like you asked, what if you are destined to marry a divorcee? Just what if...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There’s no destiny to marry any type of person
      She’s seeing more divorces coming to her, she can say no if she wants. But don’t say no cause of God
      I just don’t believe God will stop you from marrying a divorce when Solomon had all those wives and Esther married a previously married king

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    2. 16;39. We’re in the Era of the New Testament please. Era of Christ. Era of Grace. Make una Leave king Solomon in his own Era abeg and follow Christ’s teachings. We’re to learn from the old Testament and not practice what they did.

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    3. 08:01 you can avert a divorcƩe
      Marry and let church people do what they want
      Las las Bible is not correct on this topic. This is the only time in the Bible this issue is mentioned. Forget it. It’s not the will of God

      It also says he that marries her that is put away. Poster you are trying to marry a man not a woman so pls move ahead if you like him

      Delete
  11. What I learnt from reading this is that you can spend your entire life believing the wrong thing without even knowing, probably even die that way.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You can marry a single guy
    It’s not only divorcees coming. Your mind notices when you reject them more. If I reject a non Christian guy for several reasons, years later I’ll still be wondering if it’s bc he’s not a Christian

    Why not just hang out with whomever. Dating is not marriage. If you find that you like him anyway then go for it

    Also Bible talks about whosoever marries a divorced woman anyway

    If you remarry and that is adultery, commit the adultery one time and be done with it

    ReplyDelete
  13. These are the reasons people die in marriages. They refuse to let go and hang on by a thread even in the worse cases of domestic violence. The way you are saying DIVORCEE is so annoying and discriminating. Thank God I left Nigeria. Please do not marry a divorcee. Wait till you are 60 before reality dawns on you. Religion!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Calm down
      She’s trying to do the right thing
      Your rudeness is not helping

      Delete
    2. And how do you know some of these divorces didn’t rush into marriage and their eyes con clear???? She doesn’t want to marry a divorcee so respect that! Jeezz. Poster stand your ground and marry a single guy. And so shall it be. Ps: you also gotta step out of your comfort zone and go to places where you’ll meet single men. Change church location if need be or current home location. Goodluck

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  14. This case is very sensitive to me. The stigma divorced people face in Nigeria even by people who are supposed to be Christians is saddening. I was at my uncle's house few weeks ago. His son (my cousin) also came visiting. My cousin's wife divorced him claiming irreconcilable difference.You will not believe that when we had evening prayers, my uncle (a pastor)started praying that my cousin's ex wife should die so that my cousin can remarry. I was shocked. People now pray that their exes should die because the Bible says what?
    Is Christianity really a religion of love?

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    Replies
    1. Lol... a vast number of religious people are highly wicked & demonic in nature. Christ has nothing to do with it. People just hide under the cloak of religion but religion has no power to change the hearts of men.

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    2. Oh! I thought I was the only one that has heard that evil prayer @Anon 17:44. Some women don't yet know the source of their sudden illness and sudden death. If we enter this matter ehn, Internet go scatter.

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  15. PART 1:
    I intend to make more enemies today and really don't care. My brutally honest opinion is that Christians are the most rigid and hypocritical about marriage. Christians have the highest number of mature singles, single divorcees, single widows/widowers; some of who earnestly desire marriage with "choice partners" but are "barred" because of denomination, dogma and marital staus. What do I mean eh? Okay.

    We recently read a chronicle about a lady who'd met her dream man but was seriously worried about her parents not accepting a non-Catholic suitor. In 2022 AD for Pete's sake! If she misses that "good" man and eventually doesn't find a "suitable" Catholic man to please her parents, say 15 years from now, what happens? Resentment towards her parents? Sexual frustration? Marital depression? God-blaming? All of the above-mentioned? Or worse? Then she will eventually leave that same Catholic Church where they buried her placenta to where she will use halogen lamp to "see the light" as "separated brethrens" aka "Protestants" say when they leave the Catholic Church.

    The wickedness in Christendom ehn! Osanobua!! There was a lady I once heard rejoicing that at last, her younger sister would marry a rich widower [her Church member] just a short while after the man lost his wife. I asked if it was appropriate "so soon" and in her words: "If one person own no spoil, another person own no go good." Really? If I am lying against that "religious" sister, may God punish me. Would she have said that if it was her sister that died and the husband was moving on at a supersonic speed? It was as if some of their Church members were hoping and praying that the woman died so that another sister could have a shot at marriage. That's what happens in churches where death was the only acceptable grounds for remarrying. Desperate witches will be fellowshipping with happy couples in the hope that madam falls down and kpai so that another person can step in. Na Pastors' wives go fit talk wetin their eye dey see for the hands of female members scheming to take their place. Let me drink water, I am coming. Stellz make I no find this comment o. I typed it with my full body nor be only chest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People reject people for various reasons
      Why so pained about religion based rejection

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    2. Amebonawork You are absolutely right. People don't like to hear the truth. They will come for you. There's too much discrimination in religion. Some people think they are better than others. One denomination against the other, imagine the divorcee tag. Chai. Where is the love?

      Delete
  16. Poster, read again @15:36, 16:13 & 15:46

    The answers to your questions are there.

    Just a short story. It may be unrelated to your questions.

    A young woman went to a pastor for marriage prayers. The pastor looked at her and said "I don't waste my prayers". She was angry, but asked the pastor why. He explained to her: "Since you have been coming to this church, you are always dressed in double wrappers and blouses. Sometimes, you have a child in tow. Which of the young men in this church or elsewhere who see you decked that way would see you as an eligible spinster".

    She was still angry when she left church that day.

    But when she got home, she looked in the mirror and saw a woman dressed as a wife fully settled in a happy marriage. She also remembered she usually have her friend's children sleep over at her place and she usually took any child that slept over to church on Sundays.

    Her dressing and having the children around her was to stave off loneliness and to avoid being seen as the one left on the shelf because all her friends were married with children.

    Anyway, She changed her style of dressing and her mindset about her marriage eligibility. She left her friends children with their parents. She stayed in the church.

    Months after, a young man showed interest in her. She was married early than she thought possible.

    Erm, please don't be angry o, have you expanded your search scope. Women look for husbands too. Not all women wait to be found as presented. Sometimes women let their network of family, friends and level-headed work mates know they are available to be introduced to quality men or their specs. Men do so too. This has been an age long pairing method. Of course you will pray for God's guidance.

    Sister, best wishes. May Almighty God be for you.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Part 2:
    Traditionalists marry and remarry all the time. Same with Muslims. But mature Christians will keep sowing seeds for 25 years to meet the bone of their skeletons. If you desire to marry a single (never married) brother but you meet a divorced one that ticks every box, what do you do? You confirm his marital status as claimed and the grounds for his divorce. Speak to his pastors, former or current Church members, colleagues, relatives etc. You don't have to keep it a secret too. Let him know you will not go in blind; this is your future and you must take who you spend it with very seriously. Everybody knows everybody's gist as long as you provide a name or photo in this Internet age. It will only be a matter of time before you see the truth. Just don't rush into a marriage especially with a divorcee. Get to know him/her, say you are praying about it while you do your [further underground] digging.

    There was no single story about [physical] domestic violence in the Bible (I'll check again though) from a wife to the husband. Apart from Sarah that was giving Father Abraham verbal wotowoto on top mama Ishmael's matter when that one started raising shoulder-pad for her; wives were generally cool and obedient. How would Jesus have known that some daughters of mama Eve would have the ability to constantly give their husband's upper cut, black eyes, starve them of sex when they are angry [and expect him to remain celibate till she's in a better mood 3 years later], be sending nudes to her Tinder/Snapchat admirers etc.? So a man who divorces his wife on those grounds [irreconcilable differences] at age 45 should remain single till he dies at 98 because she didn't physically "commit adultery"? I have a whole lot to say but let me just tell Poster 3 things:

    1. Jesus told the Samaritan woman at the well that she had married 4 husbands in the past but even the Kpokpogri she was currently living with was not her "husband". Jesus did not say he will bless her current relationship and make it work; he told her unequivocally that she had not yet met her destined husband. He did not say one of the four she married in the past was the right one either. His statement expressly suggests that she would meet "the right one" as probably husband #5 sooner or later after that encounter. He didn't call her "ahewo" or say her character was responsible for her failed marriages. She'd simply not met him yet! Simple. There is a destined man for everyone and he could be single, divorced, widowed, much older, much younger, wealthy, struggling etc. Pray to be connected to "The right one for you".

    2. Jesus said there would be no marriage in heaven. Christian couples o, amadioha couples o, orthodox couples o, NONE! That's why I'm chopping steady cucumber here on earth because konji fit go dey for that side and you cannot coman goan and be doing anyhow over there.

    3. Whether you marry at 18, 25, 35, 48, 57 or NEVER, God will still be God. God is not defined by your marital status but don't blame him if you reject his ordained choice for you. Life goes on whether you marry or not. After all, his only begotten son never married and heaven did not fall.

    I love to read [and learn] contrary opinions on all issues. I don't have to agree or accept your opinion but it's great to know we don't all view the world the same. That's what makes life and this blog interesting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said, well thought-out. Religiousness has been modern day human blindness, not because religi is a bad idea. But for the deep belief in the dogmas of religion, which are so coloured by humans to validate their selfishly manipulative teachings.

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    2. you've said it all.

      Delete
    3. Are you a Christian? I'm asking because if yes, why would your yardstick for an issue be Traditionalists and Muslims?

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    4. Some of your thoughts are laff matters.

      No konji hereafter.

      Your last paragraph is it. So Poster has the right to believe in not marrying a divorcee even if she was not a Christian.

      Delete
    5. Some of your thoughts are laff matters.

      No konji hereafter.

      Your last paragraph is it. So Poster has the right to believe in not marrying a divorcee even if she was not a Christian.

      Delete
  18. Shebi the revered Queen in the Bible whom ye use as a yardstick to preach to young girls, married a divorced king! She even spent a night with d king before marriage.

    Babe, marry o, or keep waiting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao they usually avoid that part, just like so many other things they love to avoid. Our own is to look na

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    2. Where in the Bible was it said that Esther is the yardstick for godly marriage? Please, let's stop twisting the Bible for our own selfish interests.

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    3. If I perish, I perish.

      Delete
    4. Thank you o. Even Ruth and Boaz

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    5. Read your Bible again. She was a SLAVE in that Land.

      Spent one night with the King? Doing what?

      Read your Bible again

      Delete
  19. The bible stance on remarrying is in the case of separation, that is "put your wife away". Such that they aren't divorced but merely separated.
    Adultery is legit reason for divorce because whatever vow you both had has been broken. You can remarry as you are no longer in convenant with the person.

    Divorce and separation are two different things

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not only when separated. As long as the divorced adulterous wife or husband is still alive, he or she can’t remarry. That’s the word of God. Poster please look good for yourself. Are you attracting divorced men because of your dressing or you carry yourself like iya? Men are visual o hmm. Lose weight if need be. Go out and mingle, dress well and not shabbily all because you wan dress the Christian way.

      Delete
  20. There are non-christian men and women who have decided not to marry divorcees.

    Beliefs and values are essential in marriage. Christians are free to base theirs on the Bible.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think Christians can marry divorcees if they want
    Some people don’t want to marry one Bible aside. It wouldn’t be my preference either because with most I’ve met you ultimately see how they caused the divorce. I’m very careful when the divorce is from a Nigerian girl because naija girls generally like to be married so when they run, you better look very very well.

    I believe in following my heart so yes I can go with a divorcee because my heart doesn’t agree with the the whole can’t marry divorce matter.

    Poster google this issue anc read the answers that come up
    Several churches interpret this issue. Review and decide what’s right for you

    ReplyDelete

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