Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

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Sunday, April 17, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

 Hmmm.....




STAND ALONE NARRATIVE....
A HUSBAND THAT IS NEVER HOME



Good day everyone


Our wedding is 7months old and I don't want to start reporting my husband to people but it is complicated and I pray someone will understand me here. 


Let me start with the Good things .....

Hubby helps around the house with cleaning the house, doing the dishes and he stocks up the house with foodstuffs, he is neat but my problem is that he stays out late out of 7days in a week he can be at home for just a day at most 2days in a week some weeks sef he doesn't he spends them out....


He closes from work 6pm and traffic isn't too heavy here but he always choose to hang out with the guys than come home straight from work, he gets home 9:30pm/10pm..

 I have yelled, tried to communicate calmly, kept malice and even prayed about it but he hasn't changed and he doesn't seem like one who is ready to change because he doesn't see anything wrong with what he is doing. 

 Instead he fills me with talks like "I don't know what else you want me to do, I have satisfied my conscience" is it a crime to come home after work? must you go out with the guys every night? can't you fix outing with your wife? must it always be with your guys? 

All the hangouts we've had as a couple was initiated by me, sometimes I pay for it. Is this what I will be dealing with forever plus the every night involves drinking and he smells of beer when he gets back ......who drinks everyday?


if I ask I will hear it was just a bottle or 2. And even when he stays at home he acts like he is in bondage playing candy crush all through.

 We both agreed to wait a year before having kids, is this how he will be leaving only me at home with the kids? It is not a business hangout oo, they only laugh away their time and contribute to brewery companies. I am tired





*Let me ask....Was he like this when you were dating? didnt you notice he was always with the guys? Did you notice anything that would have shown you that he is like this? Or you saw it and thought he would change after Marriage?

My dear, you will be too busy when you start having babies to notice all this or question his whereabouts......
This is how you made your bed...Maybe he needs more time to adjust, maybe he will never adjust , please stop nagging him and ignore him, pretend as if you are excited to be home alone... stop all the questions and watch what happens...it might work that he changes....
Issues like this can end a marriage if not handled properly, if you like report him anywhere, if he wont change, he wont change

103 comments:

  1. Join an activity or something and also go somewhere after work
    Go hav fun too or go do something more than waiting for hubby to come home

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was like this till I learnt to hit the street with my girls

      Every evening I waka.

      Sometimes I target the time he is supposed to be home, lock the gate and leave my car @home and disappear to my next-door neighbours or take a walk.

      The aim was guyman would never meet me at home.

      I'd see him drive in and stay away till 20mins after.

      It rearranged his brain gradually.

      No be me love and marriage go kill

      Delete
    2. When a man loves a woman, the heavens will hear, the earth will not deny it. He won't be able to get enough of you.

      You know your reality.

      You got here (marriage) solely by your own effort, footing bills and doing his "toasting".

      Calm down and carry your cross hoping when kids come he may change.

      Delete
    3. My first question would be, are these his friends married people? Perhaps your husband is still yet to understand He has a partner and his lifestyle automatically should change. Pray and give him time perhaps He would come around.

      My personal method of handling this was taking my wife with me every time I hang with the boys but she had to agree first that she'd never tell me, 'let's go home'.

      I think you should handle your reality differently,get busy with something and stop nagging him. If he has any good in him, when you start completely and totally ignoring him, don't call and ask him when he's coming home. Sleep or do something yourself, he'll notice and if your husband is smart He'll change and very fast.

      Just try and ignore his coming home late. When you do it to him for a few weeks He'll learn the road from his office to his house, and this will only happen if he has good in him and wants his young marriage to last. Selah

      Delete
    4. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 16:58, i love you so much. My kind of friend. Flex away the unnecessary stress.

      Delete
    5. Saphire let's hear word. You guys always want to taunt an innocent woman once you hear she paid a bill.

      Who told you he doesn't love her?

      Focus on his addiction and leave love out of this.

      Poster, your best bet is to stop complaining and act like you don't care. It will be hard; but try.

      You see that hanging out, he will never stop until his brain resets by itself. And your non challancy towards the matter will play a big role in the reset.

      See; dating and marriage is not same. Suddenly sharing your space 247 with another takes time to adjust. He will be trying to hide himself to some extent too to avoid see finish.

      Also learn to hang out sometimes

      God is your strength

      Delete
    6. I don't know whether to tell you to pray.
      Make new friends, join activities. Stop nagging him

      Delete
    7. @poster, sorry but from your story, though he married you, he doesn't seem to be in love with you. Nigerian men date multiple women and then marry the "wife material" who they might not even love. Also check that there's no other woman involved or MAN as a matter of fact. Your story matches the experience of many women who married gay men; they are helpful around the house, do not appear to be dating another woman but prefer to be with the boys than with their wives. Check that your man is not gay before you contract HIV or have children with him.

      Delete

  2. "You yelled, you nagged, nearly punched ..." before you prayed about it. Meaning that prayer is your last option?
    Actually, prayer should be your first option o, nne.
    Bring that prayers first and stop that nagging and gra gra and see things change for the good.
    The man who helps you in the house is a good man.

    ReplyDelete
  3. So you want him to sack all his male friends because he married you; queen?
    Or he just acquired those friends after marriage? 😮😮

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The friends should actually give themselves brain now
      It’s unfair
      She’s not a furniture

      My hubby was this way cus we married young and all his friends were single, I gave them enough attitude but with time as they started getting married they understood perfectly. Now my hubby has his time and their wives are the ones complaining.

      Never treat someone bad if you are not in their situation, I understand the poster very well, even though mine wasn’t out every night

      Delete
  4. Madam, he helps you around the house and is not ever at home.
    YOur testimonies do not match.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Weekends like saturday and sunday exist and yet he still goes out in the evening she can't write everything

      Delete
    2. Weekends like saturday and sunday exist and yet he still goes out in the evening she can't write everything

      Delete
    3. @15:35
      You know the things she did not write; how?

      Delete
    4. You guys are newly weds, most of his friends are probably still single, so it’s not abnormal keep talking about it.
      Or you simply go out so that when he comes home he knows how it feels not to meet you.

      Delete
    5. Push up. Was that what you did in your own case?

      Giving a medicine you didn't use?

      Delete
  5. The wise woman build her home, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down Proverbs 14:1

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is the solution to her question? How does she build up her home without scattering..You didn't give any solution,you only quoted a bible verse..How una dey reason a times i don't understand..🙄🙄🙄

      Delete
    2. So u believe her concerns are not valid? How will u be married and be living like u are single? Is this how he will keep behaving when they start having kids? Is this what he will teach his kids?

      Delete
  6. The signs were surly there during courtship, maybe you didn't notice it. I think it is something he is used to and cant just change like that. There are people whose lives revolves around staying and hanging out with friends while there are some who are practically home boys. You just have to come to terms with it and hope that it changes with time when the kids start coming in. If he is responsible, that is good. Just be yourself and live your life the best way you can without nagging him and making it an issue. You can hang out with him sometimes too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Things like this are one of the things you look out for when dating. I don't even know what advice to give you.

    You can either ignore him and pray that God makes staying outside so boring for him that he will have to come back home or you talk to someone in his family he respects. It is well. Please keep us posted.

    ReplyDelete
  8. There are some men who like to hang out with their friends after work, and if you ask me there is nothing you or even his mother can do to change him, especially if you saw the signs before marriage that he liked hanging out at night. I will suggest you take it easy with him for now, maybe have a discussion with him from time to time about it. I expect he will change when the kids start coming, if he does not change, manage him like that and don't let anybody deceive you that because he is hanging out with friends he is womanizing. It is not always the case with all men, some will still womanize and be back home by 6pm.

    ReplyDelete
  9. What is wrong with you woman? You sound like you want your husband to be babysitting you. What rubbish! That is what happens when you get married and forget your single friends because you've found a 'life partner'. You married women are always depending so much on your husbands emotionally when the reverse is not the case. Just so you know, most men don't value women even their wives. They just need a docile woman with low self esteem to give them kids, cook their meals and maybe give them sex which they always get tired of having with their wives eventually. So better be careful otherwise he will boot you out. Leave him alone, open the door when he comes back and mind your business.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haba na this is unfair, my friends are in another town I relocated to the town where he is I barely even know my way around to work yet talkless of having new friends

      Delete
    2. 15:39 if you are the poster, you need to make new friends, find things to keep you busy. Stop complaining cuz next thing he will call you a nag.

      In fact pull a reverse psychology on him, show him that you can be busy too

      Delete
    3. Anon 15:24; Be nice nau

      Delete
    4. Mind her buisness as how? I dont even understand this anon 15:24. Analyze what you just wrote.

      Delete
    5. Who are they supposed to depend on for emotional support?
      Don’t worry be treating your own wife like shit until she finds another man she will depend on for emotional support
      Rada rada

      Delete
    6. Again, push up, did you find another man when your husband was hanging out with his bachelor friends. You said clearly that you gave them attitude or did you do more?

      Please stop selling the idea of revenge infidelity to women and to this woman. She didn't even complain about infidelity here.

      Delete
  10. This Stella's comments can be off sometimes mehnnnnn, like spoilt milk? What do you mean by ' was he not hanging with his friends before you married him?' Dear poster, please do not mind Stella at all, if you haven't had any kid with him, best you start your divorce straight because after you bear a kid or kids, his behavior only gets worse from there....I know this because I am in this same situation. Mistake I made was I left the UK to come down to start a family with this so called husband of mine...but it has been nothing but anger and resentment ever since I found out that all he does was just to drop money and leave to hang with friends, come back drunk and piss on the bed or on the floor or anywhere other than the toilet. I have stopped having intimacy with him because of his dirtiness...it's almost getting to year, I know he is cheating and all..but honestly, I do not care...I just want to leave this country with my kids...and raise them with or without him. Poster ...a time will come in your marriage (if you do not leave now), when you will be tired of nagging, complaining, reporting, in fact going mental, you won't know when you also become him and if that should happen ...na una children go suffer am because you will not be able to raise them the right way. Leave NOW!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She doesn't need to leave. Stop projecting your DOA marriage on her. Her own never reach to dey piss for bed so poster abeg ignore this frustrated one. Every small problem una go dey chant divorce. Divorce ur husband in peace and leave this woman to sort out her issues reasonably.

      Delete
    2. Meanwhile, you have not left yours that is 100% worse than Poster's case. Can't you divorce your husband and stay in Nigeria. Must you go to the abroad before the divorce?

      Yet you started your comments by blaming Stella.

      Delete
    3. What a terrible advice.
      Dear Poster, get busy, try and take your mind away from this. He will change eventually. May not be a 100% change but he will. It was my 12th anniversary on the 17th and he still hangs out with the boys minimum of 4 days in a week. That doesn't mean he doesn't love me and the kids, he does absolutely. Sometimes, I complain some times I don't. I have also become friends with his friends, that way they protect my interest when I am not there. Biko don't kill yourself, you just started.

      Delete
  11. Childish men refusing to accommodate their new status

    It is selfishness

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly,

      Married but living single.

      Delete
    2. Thank u. Then u will start hearing 'pray for him', 'mind ur business'.

      Imagine being married and still be lonely because ur husband can't sit his ass at home. It's only a matter of time before even his friends start seeing him as an irresponsible husband

      Delete
  12. He must have been living like this before marriage. Some people can not be caught indoors even when war is going on.
    Their female version moves from one neighbor's apartment to another.
    I have them as family members, I know how disturbing that lifestyle could be.
    I'm afraid the only solution is to keep on praying, it's part of their poor upbringing.
    I doubt if she'll be too busy when children come, she yearns for companionship

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sometimes, you can't change an adult man. If you complain too much, he will find peace outside.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Beer n night outing can never be complete without a lady around. Your husband is a chronic humanizer n he won't change. Most of my friends in this your kinda situation know this n is a fact self. You don enter endurance n that's how it will be. Till old age. Happy endurance sis. Some women are going through this n you won't be that last.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are not right
      Stop projecting nonsense from your life to hers

      Delete
    2. Not in all cases.
      Most men re addicted to anyone or all of these 3things below:
      1, Football
      2, Drinks
      3, Women
      Unlucky is a woman whose husband is addicted to the 3.
      Poster's husband is a good man from how she described him, but addicted to drinking beer in the presence of his frds.

      Delete
    3. More often than not, those who hang out daily at night drinking alcohol with like minded buddies, are also womanizers. In such joints there are lots of women of easy virtue. And once a man is used to such lifestyle, it will take nothing short of divine intervention for him to change. That is why they would find it hard to drop such habit even after marriage. They ENJOY what they are doing.

      Poster if you keep talking to your husband on the issue, he will consider you a nag and as someone said up there, go and look for his so called PEACE outside. I laugh in mandarin because I see such men as fools. Which peace? Peace to waste money and catch diseases. Such lifestyle is expensive and draining both physically, mentally and financially. But they ignore the side effects of their lifestyle so that they will have no excuse to stop fueling their addiction. They will even be deceiving themselves calling the women of easy virtues clean women. As if you can know how clean someone is by appearance alone. Dirty lifestyle. Mtchew

      A wise man builds and cultivates his home with his wife. He gives her strong emotional support and has a vision for how he wants his family to turn out in future and works towards this. He is a good example to his kids and a good provider.

      The worst scum of this set of men will not even make sure they drop money for food at home but will be contributing to buy wigs, dresses, makeup for their girlfriends or side chicks, paying for their upkeep and even school fees. They see themselves as HELPERS for the small small girls. Meanwhile their wives are languishing at home looking older than their ages. They see their wives as their cook, maid, housekeeper and child rarer. They feel she does not have right to complain since they did her a favour by marrying her. I can go on with their stupidity. They start out with this foolish mentality while single and marry with every intention of continuing. Let me stop here.

      Poster I sincerely hope your situation improves. Get yourself busy making your own dough, and make sure you take VERY good care of yourself. That he will just be seeing you shining and unbothered about him. Also use protection if you sense he is cheating, but hopefully that is not the case with you.

      Delete
  15. Hmm ur husband is a saint compared to mine, the man I married comes home by 1 or 2am,if I call him by 10pm he will ask me y I am askingh to come home so early, one time he came back around 2am and he was trailed by a car, he called me panicking to open the gate that he is driving into our street, I didn't know what was happening so I use sleep eye go open gate, I saw guys coming out of a car running towards d gate while he zoomed into the compound, the way I closed the gate and ran I can not explain till today, I kept imagining what would have happened to me and my kids sleeping in the house if they had gain entrance,all because of a man's foolish ways, hmmmm, d next day I bought a new padlock n gave him his keys, oga kill your self if dz what u want. Funny enough when I traveled to his parents place to have my baby bcux I know dt if I stay with him if labour catch me I am on my own, robbers followed him home n robbed him of his car n belongings, thank God they found the car weeks later. Me I am free from that bondage of a marriage,story long, na struggle I de struggle with my kids now, but we will be fine Las Las. Poster pray, there is nothing God can not do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww Dooshima, you and your kids will be fine , God Almighty will bless you and and provide all you need to train your kids.

      Delete
    2. May the Lord continue to strengthen you and provide for you and your children.
      It is well with you.

      Delete
    3. Dooshima, my dear, my own from day one i gave him key so when he is going out he locks us from outside, people that used to visit already knows even with key outside the gate, I dey inside with my children,so they knock or call. The last time I checked I no be Amina nor Musairat the gatewoman, so he is free to check in or out anytime he pleases

      Delete
    4. Just look how a man that is supposed to be a protector of his home is putting their lives at risk in the name of one nonsense hang out.

      I was telling a family friend (male) who was complaining that his wife always calls him back, I told you most women do not call you because they need your private part but for your own safety
      No woman wants to be a young widow

      Delete
    5. 🤗🤗

      Delete
  16. Thia is a non issue pls. Let him be. Its nothing serious. This is one of the ills of nollywood. This is reality madam. If you feel too lonely in the evenings like that you can join evening programmes in the church to while away time and pray for him while you are at it. Stop making a mountain out of a mole hill. If he is always playing games with his phone while at home, initiate a conversation to distract him. Try and make your home lively too. Enjoy your marriage

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I disagree with you @Anon 15:53. It is an issue and it will grow into something worse if it is allowed to fester. You can imagine the poster's husband continuing with this habit when they have kid(s). I know some will say he may change then. I don't know if the poster will want to wait until then to see if he changes. What if he doesn't?

      Delete
    2. You people endure and advise people to endure rubbish sha. There is absolutely nothing normal here.

      Delete
    3. non issue? a young marriage under 1 year? it is a different thing if his job keeps him busy but hanging out with friends and drinking or other God knows what? when the purpose of a thing is not known abuse is inevitable....what is marriage? companionship with your wife. why will a couple who have not even celebrated 1 year be having this problem? at this time love is till shacking both of you and you spend most of your time together.. why will he be hanging out mostly with his friends? he is either also womanizing, not really into her or does not yet grasp the full concept of being a husband. he might also be mirroring what he saw his father do. sit him down one last time and tell him how his actions make you feel. if he cannot change now, trust me when kids come he will be out most times leaving you to endure all the cries and sleepless nights.. how will he help you with the babies at night when he will be so full with drink? keep yourself busy my dear and just stop telling him anything. I know it wont be easy because your marriage is young and i cant imaging being left alone all the time with all that emotions raging.

      Delete
  17. The reason 98% of men get married is to continue their blood line, every other need a woman seek for in marriage is not their concern, know this and know peace. He did not marry you because his world revolves around you. na you know if you go fit endure am

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I kinda, agree with you on this.

      Delete
    2. Spot on 15:59

      Delete
    3. Hmmmmm... you no lie jaree

      Delete
    4. I hope ndi oko mi dey read this truth

      Delete
    5. Not true. Women are more interested in blood line continuation hence they turn hell over to take children along with them physically and all when a marriage is failing or fails.

      The challenge in most marriages is that wives don't make efforts at personal improvement after marriage.

      After marriage, all you hear most women say is my husband, my husband. Not necessarily for the good of the man, but for themselves.

      For them, marriage is the ultimate - a man-servant, children, comfort if the man is rich/wealthy. Where the man is not rich enough to do all, it is worse. The woman abandons him to himself under the guise of fending for the children.

      Some men get nothing at home apart from s3x.

      There are wives with whom husbands cannot engage in mind broadening conversations. Every discussion with such wives is about money, fees, bills and banal mischievous gossips involving neighbours.

      Poster, should find ways to engage her husband while at home. Even if it is s3x, she should use that. As new engaging home bound habits are formed, the old will likely stop.

      The best way to stop an habit is to replace it with another habit. Not counseling alone, or nagging, or fighting, or even prayers.

      Delete
    6. Always making excuses for Nigerian men.
      It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. Man and Woman.
      Period.

      Delete
  18. I'm sad at most of the posts I'm reading. Most berating the woman.

    They just got married. They should be into each other. Even if they are not talking all the time his presence in the house should be felt.

    I must say that the way some of you post here is the reason why women who are victims of domestic violence will not speak up. Haba!

    She is new in town what is she supposed to do. Be given the crumbs of whatever is left with his friends? Isn't this the time to plan and bond? A man goes out 7 days a week? He is immature.

    What is pursuing him from his house?

    Dear poster, stop yelling or getting angry at him. Just learn to get something to distract you. Don't stop praying. Ask God for wisdom on how to go about this. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @LadyT, I agree with all you said up there. I don't think the poster's husband is really into her. He probably got married to her out of convenience or pressure. I say this because for a 7 month marriage, he should be looking forward to being with her after work. Even if he wants to hang out with his guys, that shouldn't be more than 2 or 3 times a week. Which responsible man drinks every evening after work?

      Delete
    2. Lady T, your last 2 paragraphs are the main.

      Is it only the love for beer and comradeship that takes him out? Or there is more. And that more may not be women. If it is just habit, Poster should go research on helping others break habits. But generally, habits are hard to break especially if the person bound is not keen on breaking the habit.

      Poster follow last paragraph. Solid advice.

      In all, think deep before going doing tit for tat as some of us have advised. Your husband believes he is a good husband by standards know to him. He may surprise you with better or worse if you try tit for tat. So ask yourself if it is worth the risk before you choose that option.

      Delete
    3. I came to the post late and I was just cringing reading the comments. The thing is women endure and condone a lot of rubbish in this thing called marriage that they either start to see it as normal or just decide to endure.

      Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed and not endured (as I always say), the moment you stop enjoying it and start enduring it then u have a huge problem that needs to be fixed.

      Delete
  19. Just try hanging out with them, from there you can know topics that gets his interest

    Ada Agu

    ReplyDelete
  20. Just try hanging out with them, from there you can know topics that gets his interest

    Ada Agu

    ReplyDelete
  21. It's shocking that you guys acruelly wrote all these things that I read. The poster is asking for the bare minimum which is availability. The husband is not always available at home (their home). He prefers spending quality time with his friends outside whilst leaving the wife at home 'alone'. Even if the man was living that way before marriage, he's expect to make changes to his lifestyle. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities,compromises etc. Are you lot going to say the same thing if it was the woman that is always hanging out late with her friends drinking? My dear please take it easy with him, have a talk with him on this issue and tell him how you really feel. Don't nag him. I pray God grant you a solution to this problem and may Saints Monica, Pricilla and Rita of Cascia intercede in your marriage. Amen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you James. Though I'm not the poster.

      From the responses it's obvious that we Nigerian women love suffering and smiling.
      This is someone's wife crying out for her husband's company and we say she's over reacting.

      Poster please communicate with your husband.(If you can't talk face to face, write him a letter).
      Marriage is work in progress. Each person has areas they need to work on, to make them better spouses.
      If he truly loves you, he will change gradually.

      Delete
  22. My dear, your are not alone in this, my husband is just like that, this is our 9years in marriage and he is still like that, when I got married to him I found it so difficult but now any time he comes home I opened the door for him, and to be honest with you he is a good husband and a good Dad to our children,he helps me a lot in the kitchen and he stock the house, we don't lack anything, but once it's time for him to go out and hangout with friends he will just go, my dear is not easy for me at the beginning but the love I have for him makes me to stay, I will advise you that if you love him just ignore him and also try and make good friend that can make you happy and hang around with them, and you can even join any organization in your place of worship.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tell me how he is a good husband? good father yes to his kids but a good husband loves his wife and spends time with her. a day or 2 to hang out with friends in a week but a good husband stays home and spends time with family.

      Delete
  23. Mind your business and leave him alone ,you can't change an adult,pray you get babies to keep you busy ,stop nagging and dulling

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What do you mean she should mind her business? But he is her business.

      Delete
    2. Why I get angry with this mind your business, don't check his phone ,ignore him etc is when jungle matures na the woman every one will blame, we should start letting men know the wrongs they are committing, they need to work on,will a woman adjusting to a rotten head makes the head healthy? Or the head should strive to be healthy. No matter how a woman ignores, if the man is bad, it still affects the family

      Delete
    3. Geko a leopard can't his spots right? Kinda personal for you?

      Delete
    4. Which business is she minding? Is her marriage not her business?

      Delete
  24. Just dress up and go to his spot with your own friends or you by yourself before he gets there
    Do twice a week. He will either enjoy seeing you there or he’ll start coming home
    Don’t be a boring wife

    ReplyDelete
  25. Na WA for some comments sha. Madam please know that your concerns are valid.
    I would be upset if my husband was acting the way you described. Every working day? Especially a new spouse then I am new in the environment.
    A quote from a book I once read says, "you can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.".
    Let him know on a good day how you feel about his late nights. Commit the situation to God. Once you have done this, focus on your job/bizness and critically analyze the situation without anger/malice if you can cope with the situation.
    May God direct you accordingly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very apt! Poster please follow this. There's nothing God cannot do. Also, focus on your happiness. Make new friends too.

      Delete
  26. Poster I think you should give him the 'I don't care treatment', my dear give yourself peace, stop asking about his whereabouts, eat your dinner, shower and sleep your sleep, because if you continue nagging him, you will end being frustrated, Then, He will start telling his friends, that you are troublesome, ignore him totally, who knows🤷‍♀️, He might change, and if he doesn't, it's up to you to take the decision that suits you. Your marriage is new, but put your health first always.

    ReplyDelete
  27. He's yet to adapt to his new status,give it time.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Wow can’t believe all the comments berating the woman instead of the man who refuses to understand that his status has changed and must act appropriately! Marriage is for companionship! If the husband is out frolicking with his men friends instead of being home and having quality time with his newly wedded wife then I don’t know what you people call marriage again!
    In any case he’s always smelling of alcohol , how can you drink 7 days in a week ?! Doesn’t he care about his kidney and the health implications?

    My goodness, you people aren’t ready for marriage or married and living with your enemies because the fuckery!

    The only thing I agree with Stella on is the fact that it didn’t start today , the poster probably saw it and thought he will change when he marries , unfortunately these habits are entrenched ,you’ve entered one chance : he won’t change da. It’s unfortunate.

    The husband is supposed to be home with his wife , plannin for their future and enjoying themselves. Heck this is supposed to be the honeymoon phase and she seeking the companionship of the husband doesn’t mean she loves herself less, you can love yourself and still want companionship, those two can be mutually inclusive!

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    1. totally agree with you...imagine a marriage not up to a year oh. she is well within her rights to complain abeg.

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  29. When you ignore those who intentionally hurt you. Their brain will reset.

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  30. Walai IGNORE HIM. It's not worth it worrying over him truly. Las las a man will always do what he wants to do. It's tough because your marriage is new but eventually you'll get used to it.

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  31. When they say use your courtship to ask deep questions, to ask every question askable, you lot would just be fucking as if its Olympics and you are going for gold.
    When you were dating, why didn't you ask how he often spends his days after work, then see if it's something you can abide with or stylishly ask if he plans to adjust when you get married.
    Ask questions, ask the most basic seemingly foolish questions before you get married, ask as many as possible, instead of assuming, and so that you won't marry and be asking JAMB questions upandan

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    1. Hmmmm it was a long distance relationship o I asked I asked oooo but it is as if they already have a ready made answer, I knew he went out with friends of course he has to all I ask for is a balance between family time and friends time

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    2. poster now you are talking...long distance relationships never gives you a chance to really know anyone. my marriage was long distance at the beginning so we had a lot of adjustments to do too. why i even dared it was because we were in the choir together but not really friends so i still had a bit of information about him but not some other small small stuff that showed after marriage. so pls just stop nagging about it and keep yourself busy with other stuff. dont stop praying and lets hope he comes to realize the need to spend time more with his family before it is too late.

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  32. My mum was married to my dad for 30 years+, he did not change his drinking habit,he is 70+, he still hangs out like that everyday, my mum died recently, loneliness is part of what killed her aside from life and death.will your husband change?....

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    1. gosh i can imagine. so sorry about that. that is why at marriage counseling they teach you to look well. you cannot change anyone so why not do marriage with someone who has same values with you? some cases might not be abuse that will push u to leave the marriage, but it could be stuff like this that you be hoping they will change but never do while you spend years not experiencing happiness in that marriage...no one is perfect but you can marry and be glad you found someone you want to grow old with.

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  33. Guy man may be cheating. He is in love with whoever keeps him out of the house that much.

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  34. Anon bear it in mind that your husband may likely not change when my parents got married my dad was like that my mother will nag he didn't change, my mother will pray nothing happened, even during morning devotion my mother will always ask us to pray for our dad we even add fasting join nothing happened, it was me that asked my mum to stop bothering herself that a person will change if he feels what he is doing is bad and wants to change that you can't force an adult to change today i am married my parents have been married for 33 years my father is still alcoholic and stays out late please i will advise that you stop bothering him and join church activities to take off your mind from it he will only change if he wants to let him have his own keys so that if he is late he can come in don't go and kill yourself for person wey dey enjoy himself. Wish you the best.

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  35. Poster just be patient and look for a church activity and join, when we were younger I remember my dad goes for parties comes back home late, my mum will go and open the door for him, hangs out most evenings but comes back home by 9pm, it got to a time when he realised that all these friends he hangs out with are all fake and users nobody told him he stopped hanging out and if he wants to drink beer he buys it and comes home to drink it and he will even buy stout for my mum, they will be drinking and gisting my dad just passed on some few months back after forty six years of marriage. My dear just be patient he will get tired.

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  36. Poster instead of joining church start a business with your time
    Read a book watch movies you like

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  37. Poster, Pele. It can't be easy. You are right to want companionship, but know that no one can make you happy indeed except you. And you should expect your husband to be there for you but you shouldn't make anybody your all in all.

    For all asking you to join a church, please if you want to serve God, serve him in spirit and in truth. Church is not a while away time place, if not you would still feel hollow when you get home.

    You can indeed join a church to serve God wholeheartedly, volunteer, learn a trade, join a gym, hang out with friends, find a new hobby.... Who says marriage should be confining without outlets to enjoy yourself as an individual.
    Your husband should be able to enjoy himself, he should always be considerate to consider your new marriage, you being new to the environment and also consider the type of marriage he wants.
    These should inform the way either of you should try to enjoy yourself as individuals or as a couple.

    Now, possibly solution to the problem.
    You have prayed which should be first as any strategy that you take depends on it for success.

    Now think like a man.

    Men are said to be selfish.
    Let him know the reasons for him to be home earlier should be to his benefits.

    From health to security, to finance to career.... Look for reasons that his coming home earlier would be beneficial to him.

    These reasons should be told to him not during confrontations but at neutral times.

    You should see some positive results.

    Whatever you do, don't take what is a cause of worry to you as normal give a solution a try

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  38. Have you tried finding out the reason he stays out late?? Some men go out because they can't hold lasting and meaningful conversations with their wives because it's either they(the wives) run out of words or they don't know what to contribute when their husbands engage them in a conversation... You can find out the reason he goes out and pick an interest in his likes, read bout them and keep a lot of questions aside which you'll throw at him so it enables him do more of the talking while you listen and contribute the little you can... Buy whatever he loves to take whenever he hangs out with his friends and put them in the fridge, during those moments when he's at home and helping you out you, can bring out the drink and engage him in the "talks"... You can also use style to ask him to invite those friends he goes out with to come over once in a while to chill with you guys at home and discuss... Since you've talked, begged and prayed yet nothing changed, why don't you try applying wisdom and being more practical to see if it'll work because if whatever he goes out there to get can be gotten in his house I believe he'd adjust.
    Wishing you success in whatever step(s) you choose to take😘

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  39. Marriage is not for you to be fixed emotionally by any man or woman. Is 2 whole people coming together in union. I as a woman cannot have any man drain me because, I want to be in a marriage. The Holy Spirit is available for you, as your standby and comforter. The way the world is going now, you must depend on the Holy Spirit and do not expect any man or woman to be your world , because you are married to them. I dislike people that drain others of energy , because they are married. You are draining the man of his energy, that's why he is staying away and if you are not careful, you will ruin your marriage. No one should be your back up aside the Holy Spirit , even in marriage. You are one flesh, not one soul or spirit . I don't see any reason why anyone will attach themselves to the point of suffocating their partners, all in the name of marriage. It is well, please have your own identity before you go into marriage. Shalom

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    1. I know for a fact that the part about her draining his energy is your flesh speaking not the spirit of God.

      So when he was single and hanging out till late as he always did she was ALSO draining his energy from her fathers house and making him stay out late?

      Sugar your analysis is deeply flawed.



      Why do we always assume everyone we meet is of the same faith as us?

      Hold your dislike that's also not the Holyspirit speaking.

      Have a good night's rest

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    2. jeeez who mentored you spiritually cos this definitely aint God.

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  40. The main worry here is what he does at home with spare time. We have all focused on the outings. Why is he crushing candies at home instead of playing with his wife? Even when only two of them are at home (full privacy, no third party distraction).

    Is it a matter of up-bringing, culture.

    Solve the habit at home, the problem is 50% solved. And the other 50% may start solving itself.

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