Hmmmm..
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SINGLE MUM; MARRIED DAD
My mom is a Single mom, my dad takes care of me at arms length because he is married and has a daughter almost my age.
I crave a real relationship with him but he doesn't want me close anymore.
Reason is, anytime he brings me close, like I come to live with him, my mom will not let the man rest, she will be calling nand texting him to the point that his wife will notice and caution my dad to apply boundaries once more.
Due to this, my dad doesn't want me living with him again coz my mom won't let him rest. Should I be angry with my mom?
I can't be angry with my dad coz he has a family and will not jeopardize it on the premise of keeping me. Now I am back with my mom and she will not disturb the man now o, but once I'm there, she will be calling him instead of me.
I feel she is being malicious and selfish. She is 48 years old and I feel she should let my dad be. His wife was kind enough to let me in and accept me like hers too.
I have spoken to my mom, she says there is no man out there for her at her age.
I am tired.
I crave a real relationship with him but he doesn't want me close anymore.
Reason is, anytime he brings me close, like I come to live with him, my mom will not let the man rest, she will be calling nand texting him to the point that his wife will notice and caution my dad to apply boundaries once more.
Due to this, my dad doesn't want me living with him again coz my mom won't let him rest. Should I be angry with my mom?
I can't be angry with my dad coz he has a family and will not jeopardize it on the premise of keeping me. Now I am back with my mom and she will not disturb the man now o, but once I'm there, she will be calling him instead of me.
I feel she is being malicious and selfish. She is 48 years old and I feel she should let my dad be. His wife was kind enough to let me in and accept me like hers too.
I have spoken to my mom, she says there is no man out there for her at her age.
I am tired.
* You are an adult and dont need to stay with your Dad ....Why are you still living with your mum? It is only in Nigeria you will find an adult still living with their parents while waiting to marry..
The poster misses the family unit. But her selfish mum won't let her enjoy that. Her Mum doesn't understand that miracles happen and she can still find a man.
ReplyDeleteWhat does she mean there is no man out there for her. That's a lie. So when you the poster marries what will she do? Follow you to your husband's house or be calling your husband everyday. Your Mum needs to get a grip on herself and stop being dependent on you. Her hold on you is not healthy for her own good she should release you. And learn to live without you.
Stella na wa oo. Did the poster tell you he/she is financially buoyant
DeleteWhat is wrong with living with your parents abeg
DeleteThe mother will not follow her daughter to her matrimonial home.
DeleteShe just dont want the father to have or enjoy any relationship with the daughter even though he is a provider, willing to have the relationship, and has a wife supportive of his efforts.
The mother is just being vindictve against the father and is ready to destroy his marriage and her daughter's love for her father to achieve her aim.
The woman's talk about no man is a cover up. Maybe it is indeed true because being so vindictive, how many men would be interested in her?
And this post shows why stereotypes are bad. Here is a step mother welcoming a step daughter contrary to the usual stereotypical potrayals of step mothers as all wicked.
I agree with you lady T. But jeweluchi I don't see anything wrong with my offspring still leaving with me before they get Married. This poster mum is just being selfish that's all.
DeleteDear poster, pls tell your Mum to allow you enjoy and bodn with your Father. Cos she enjoyed hers hopefully.
DeleteIf your mum ws the reason why they separated, she should allow you bond with your dad.
DeleteWhich family unit?? Is her mom not family too?
DeleteSee ehn this is exactly why single moms shouldn't sacrifice their lives for their kids. Small thing now, this poster is looking to run off and abandon her mom.
And you guys say the mom is the selfish one?? Una wehdone o
Maybe you are 15 years old.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...I don't blame the wife. I don't blame your dad.
Delete@48 she must have needs, companionship, sex, someone to call your own. Eiyah, I can't blame her too. I guess they come to a point where they throw decorum in the wind and don't care about being a concubine or 2nd wife.
May God settle each of the parties involved. Little girl, please stay with your mom. Why do you want to live with your dad so you soon find one thing she has done wrong to maltreat you?
Let your mom stop being selfish abeg. Tell her how her actions affect u sincerely. Tell her whenever u are in their home she should stick to calling u. She is being malicious are and her reason makes no sense.
DeleteUna dey see early morning Wahala. Woman and Wahala. U abandon pikin for dem, dem complain. U take care of pikin, Wahala too. Wetin person go do?
ReplyDeleteWhich one is Stella saying now
ReplyDeleteAsk her lol,even people abroad live with their parents 🙄
Deleteleave jewuluchi alone and speak your mind .
DeleteYour mom should let you be,you are not the cause of her problem..
ReplyDeleteStella your red ink though . You didn't even address the poster's concerns. Btw there is nothing wrong with living with one's parents
ReplyDelete@poster, find a time to go spend time with your dad without your mum knowing about it. You can tell her you'll be staying over at a friend's place or going to camp. Just look for an excuse.
Also you need to start getting your independence from her small small.. you don't always have to tell her where you're going to, just let her know you're safe and when you'll be home.
Your mum is selfish and isn't going to give you and your dad any chance to bond. She feels left out and will always try to spoil things. So make your plans without necessarily involving her.
How old is the poster that she cannot live with her parents. i think is the mother that has issue.
ReplyDeleteStella,.abroad is not Nigeria, he can stay with his parents , until the financial ok
ReplyDeleteabi oooo
DeleteGrown up children also stay with their parents in the abroad
Tell your dad to stop answering her calls
ReplyDeleteSending you away is nonsense when every phone has a block function
Just tell her to call your phone if there’s an emergency and he can stop answering her calls
Haba even my lil self I know enough to just ignore or block
Which one is driving my own child cause of calls
texting him about what? is it that she still loves him or angry at how he left her? i think she knows what she is doing. she just doesnt want you to have a good relationship with him because she feels cheated. she feels that he has remarried, has a relationship with his daughter despite "what he did" and she has nothing...sit her down and tell her how you feel about her actions, assure her your loyalty is not divided. you probably might not even know the truth about their roles in the whole saga.
ReplyDeletePoster, put yourself in your mother's shoes. She raised you as a single mum while your dad moved on and married someone else. Has it occurred to you that she may have lost potential suitors by keeping you with her when she was younger? She could have sent you to live with a relative but she didn't. We have read stories of women that hide their kids with relatives and go on to marry. If you can't feel her love and sacrifice, and prefer to now live with your dad who keeps you at arm's length (probably because he lives in a better house, etc) I don't know what to tell you. I just feel sorry for your mum and pray she finds someone that will truly love her and provide the companionship she needs.
ReplyDeleteMtschewww
DeleteYou get sense die
DeleteThank you anon.
DeleteAbeg Stella pen no follow .The writer didn't even state her age n there's no problem spending time with her dad
ReplyDeleteI tire for sdk. The posters age wasn't even stated. She could be 17 or 27. We don't know.
DeleteBianca Bruno
Lol Stella really? Really?!
ReplyDeleteYou want to apply the European broken system of family abandoning each other and sending their parents to old parents home because they left home at 18yrs or something.
We’re Africans , unless you’re suffering violence and your mental health is in tatters living with your parents, we live with our parents till we die !
Nothing wrong with us living with our parents in our old age
👌👌
DeleteUhhm it is not easy for your mum,women won't hear when they have opportunity to be sober they won't until they loose it now she is already anxious about old age ,I pray you won't have problem when you marry because her type is ready to spoilt things rather than staying alone.Loneliness is a bad combo,let her join group in church or environment so that she will reduce loneliness
ReplyDeleteYour dads wife is actually a very gd person . Why don’t you speak to her too.
ReplyDeleteI think she’s someone you can confide in
The only thing your mum did wrong is just the incessant calls she puts through to your dad.you are all she's got.Find her a lover or be ready to carry her along when you marry.
ReplyDeleteLol @ carry her along when you marry 🤣
DeleteSo that her mother will be the third party in her marriage? How will her husband feel about it?
DeleteWomen should learn. These children you carry on your head may never appreciate your sacrifices. Don't let them detail your journey in life. Be more logical and emotional and lower your expectations visavis sacrifices you made.
ReplyDeleteSo you dad and his new wife are jo saints..while your mother is pouring sand in your garri.. hmm.. this life sef
If this ain’t the truth
DeleteI wish her mum well too
DeleteYou are right.
DeleteSome don't date or even take care of themselves. Tomorrow, they become bitter mother-in-law or possessive.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
👌
DeleteAnon 17:03, you're just so funny.
ReplyDeleteStella, sometimes people just want to be with their families. I'll be 40 this year and single, I have 14 houses for now, I have my fully furnished apartment that I pay rent and I don't live there. I live with my brother and his family. I used to like living alone until I lost my dad and then it hit me so hard how family is important. I have been living alone for the past 17 years. Life is short let me spend time with the people I love.
ReplyDeleteI and my friends go on vacations but since the pandemic it's been different.
So her mother is not her family??.
DeleteWhere was your dad when your mom was raising you?
ReplyDeleteThat's why I am an advocate of womem with children dating and seeing someone. Date and date again. You can date someone, apply boundaries and still raise your kids. Cut off emotionally from your ex and allow the children to have a relationship with him if he wishes.
Whether you like it or not, the children always adore the absentee father and the one who does the minimal. They idolize him cos they don't know his fault.
Stop using your children as a reason for not dating. Just protect them while dating. Make no shock you.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Exactly!! See now that the poster is grown...her mother no longer counts. SOME people are just ungrateful abeg.
DeleteThe saint father and step mom, do you really think they'd have fended for you if your mom had abandoned you earlier??
Now you're soo eager to run off.
👍👍👍
DeleteI hope single parents will learn from this stop making your children your all please consider dating to prevent being bitter in future
ReplyDeleteThis is my 3rd time submitting this comment. I don't know why it keeps being discarded. 🤨😑
ReplyDeleteAnyways, the poster never mentioned her age, so she could very well be in secondary school.
There is nothing wrong with her spending summer, Easter and Christmas vacations with her dad. That would be shared physical custody. Her mum's behaviour is very wrong because she only calls the man when he has custody. If she truly just missed her child, and has no ulterior motives, then why not call your daughter directly? It's obvious the poster has her own phone.
@Poster...Talk to your mum and let her know she's causing parental alienation. Tell her that you want to have a relationship with your dad and half sister. Whilst in your dad's home, make it a habit to call your mum often. Call her in the morning to let her know you had a peaceful night. Call her during the day and give her a summary of your day's activities. Call her or text her at night to wish her a goodnight. If push comes to shove, let your dad block her number whilst you're in his care...but still maintain constant contact with your mum.