Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

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Sunday, April 24, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

 Hmmm....





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIED TO A SLOW POISON


I am just feeling down, can't do anything with out my husband stylishly saying no.

No social media, behind him I did it, it was war when he saw me on WhatsApp. No job, I went to learn cake making, helping myself to it. 

My joints are painting, I needed to exercise, come and see how this man was shouting, raising his voice at me. I should shut up, he provides everything while won't I respect him. Did I beg him to provide? very aggressive when he talks.


 I have tried for thirteen years...


 I told my kids I have respected this slow poison enough, I am ready for anything, if I can get a good lawyer.. To make him pay his kids school fees, and their feeding.. It is time to take a bow. 


He Gives people jobs, but can't to his wife, will never tell his colleagues or friends my wife bakes. I endured emotional torture... He is happy when he comes home when seeing me sitting home all day taking care of the kids... Don't do this yes sir, do that yes sir. 

Thirteen years, and people want to be like me but don't know that i am drained, I am 36yrs, always tired, no energy, drained emotional... Sorry to bore you guys, just that I need to talk to someone. No friends, families think all it is well because he makes them believe... 


They ask:he pays your children's school fees, he feeds you people, he fuels the Gen and car... But they don't understand. Don't I have my rights because i am married? won't I amount to something because I want peace...?


 Position and money sure makes some men arrogant.. He will be telling the sister *a woman that doesn't provide anything don't have a say. I laugh, at least i have little million in my account, I don't want to make mistakes in business because I don't know any accept the little cake I make for people from home...i want a business to really help me grow.. 


Please I need opinions and advice , I am really down.




The cake business you do is OK, you just do come out and announce..
Maybe you should take some time out from this situationship that you call marriage, if it not working out, please leave already before you fall into suicidal depression.. LEAVE!

64 comments:

  1. You probably married him because of that money he provides, so why is it now a burden?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are a very cruel person. And you don't have to give advice if you don't have anything nice to say.

      So because she married him for the money assuming that is so, she should not have a say or be a human being with a brain that works? Pls zip it.

      It is the likes of you that enable abusers. Because her husband is emotionally, and psychologically abusing her. Haba!

      Delete
    2. Advise her and stop judging

      Delete
    3. 15.03 one cold ginger zobo for you.
      With huge age gap sef.
      She should manage.
      Oga wants a house wife that will raise his kids.
      Madam poster stay one place.

      Delete
    4. @Lady
      Advice does not always have to be "nice." If you come to a blog of public opinions like this, be ready to receive the truth and not nice talks to soothe you. If that man cannot provide, she would probably not married him.

      Delete
    5. Anon

      How did you advise her? Do you know his financial status when they met?

      KING XOXO MYSTERY

      Delete
  2. You are here looking for people to support you to scatter your marriage. When it scatters, all sisis go their ways, the burdens are yours and yours alone.
    You will get plenty of supporters but beware!

    ReplyDelete
  3. How can a man in this age and time be comfortable to see his wife without a source of income?

    When he knows his life is not in his hands and anything unplanned can happen?
    It's one thing not to have the resources to establish your wife in a business and no job is forthcoming. But to watch her idle away when you have the means is FOOLERY on the man's part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Answer to paragraph 1 question. Some men have seen wives earn without being willing to provide a kobo for the family or even take care of their basic needs from their salary or profits. There are women who will rather walk free than buy personal towels from their earnings, talk more drugs for their children if their father is not at home. Some women who earn more than their husbands do this too.

      Delete
  4. You are poisoning the minds of those kids by calling their daddy "slow poison, slow poison for providing for his family?" Do nothing but stay and raise your kids.
    The man is not beating you, you are just finding faults where there is none!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you know what emotional abuse is? He doesn’t need to physically beat her. Just because he provides doesn’t mean he should pull her down. I can’t be bothered to type, most Nigerians are just toxic

      Delete
    2. Are you people for real??????

      The worse form of abuse is the emotional abuse. So because he is not beating her, his behavior and attitude towards her is okay?

      Are you aware that this woman can commit suicide??? Her sense of worth is gone. No confidence he's stolen it.

      If it's your sister, will you say the same thing???

      Delete
    3. Okay, you just wrote "most Nigerians are toxic," that includes you.
      Also add
      Narcissistic
      controlling
      Deadbeat,
      Judgmental
      abusive etc.
      The languages you learned from the internet starting from 2016

      Delete
    4. 18.26 πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
  5. What do ladies want? He doesn't provide, he is deadbeat.
    He provides, he is slow poison?
    Wow!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And that was all you got from the post? Wow!
      Tiri gbosa for your brain.

      Delete
  6. Hmmmm,it is well with you my sister please do what makes you happy.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Every woman/person has a capacity for endurance and tolerance. Untill you reach your limits, nothing anybody tell you will be worth it. And if you even leave before you reach your limits, there are chances you have regrets because you didn't give it your best.

    Madam, if you have had enough, just move out. No drama, no quarrels, just your dignity.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Advertise your cake business yourself. Or he doesn't want you to bake too?
    You sound caged. Well it seems after 13yrs, social media advice got to you.

    You have two options, divorce him and go have a business and grow, Or stay and do your business, tell people about it and still grow.

    Again, did he ban you from baking?

    Tell him you want out and you want him to keep paying d kids fees and stuff, hear his reply.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No social media, no whatsapp. How would she advertise?

      She should be smart about it. If he doesn't stop her from attending church activities, she should dedicate her time to God. That should be an outlet to socialize.
      Madam, wisdom is profitable to direct. Use your brain to work on him. Do what He likes while living your best life. Slowly, you will win him over. He won't be aware that you are using him.

      Everything is not gragra

      Delete
  9. Poster manage your husband as he is, he is a good husband to your kids and you apart from his loud mouth. No Man is perfect and you really need to get something doing even if he refuses in case something happens to him tomorrow try and get independent. God bless your home. Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  10. Chai this life no balance. See me here complaining that my husband wants to kill me with bills. This life isn't hard, Na we dey make am hard for ourselves. Someone like me will condition my mind not to get annoyed with whatever he does or says az long as he provides everything and doesn't slap or beat me. You even know how to bake, try and specialise in baking. Do online classes. Market your business online. Please you don't need to leave. Learn other skills online, small chops too. Since he allows you to bake for people. You can learn crypto. Too many things to do from home.He's not even home all day. I don tire to type.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Easy to think another person's situation is better till you are living in it!!

      Delete
    2. "Do online classes". I guess you skipped the part where she said he doesn't allow her go on social media 😏

      Delete
    3. Easier said than done. When it happens to you you would know the poster is living in bondage.

      Delete
    4. 16:40 how is online class only social media

      Delete
    5. Easier to blame others when you are not wearing the shoe.Madam!since you have a car make enquires on sales of egg.Look for poultries where you can be buying from. Walk around your neighbourhood and tell those petty traders and supermarkets you sell eggs in wholesale price.Just do a good bargain.If you can make good snacks go to primary and secondary schools and advertise your business to them

      Delete
  11. Your mental well-being and peace of mind are priceless.
    Your husband sounds controlling and emotionally abusive.
    Do what is best for you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Me ayam looking for a man that will say stay home and look after the children. You have it and you’re complaining. Me I’ll worship such man o. He’s a provider not an infidel. I go rora dey save small small dey look good for am and train the kids well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Look good for am and always stay indoors taking care of the children. Wow

      Delete
  13. Until you experience what she is going through it's easy to say "don't leave". This is a very toxic relationship. People who have money problems will say endure as if the fact that he is financially responsible makes his toxic behavior acceptable. I am with Stella on this one. Mental health is very important guard it. No relationship/ marriage is worth your mental health.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you. I lost my job after covid-19 lockdown. I nearly ran man not because I had no money but because I was idle. Every morning everyone in the compound will leave and l will be the only one left. Even the children will go to school while their parents leave for work or business. I nearly entered depression. There is this joy that comes from dressing up and going out once in a while to make money. Mingle with people, learn and unlearn things. Money is not everything. We are social beings.
      @poater. Seat your husband down and have a heart to heart discussion with him. If he fails to understand with you. Report him to your marriage sponsor or someone he respects. Tell them what you want and plead they call your husband for a meeting. You need your own money. Even the president created an office for the first lady where she makes her own money. I can't imagine myself staying idle daily doing nothing.

      Delete
  14. Why do you want to leave your marriage for a new woman to take over over a flimsy excuse of not being free? Do you think if you leave he will want to take you back if you come back begging knowing his kind of person? What now happens to your 4kids? What's the guarantee that the next man you meet will be any better or you plan remaining single at 36 or be some side chicks for another 30 or 40yrs? Madam, stay in your home and take care of your kids, your husband inclusive. Up your baking skill and bake for those in the neighborhood and friends. You can beg him to open street shop for you to display for job but make sure its a 2-in-1 shop for future expansion so you won't have to tell him you want a bigger place until you are able to find your voice in that marriage. Best of luck nne

    Purple Empress

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How she beg him to do all these
      He has said no
      What’s wrong with being single and happy
      What’s her joy in a laureate where the guy dictates everything

      Delete
  15. Marriage is a contract between two parties and it's supposed to bring out the best in the partners involved, unfortunately it's not always like that. From what you wrote, I don't think you've seriously laid down your terms to the other party in this marriage. I think there is a need for you to have a deep talk with your husband regarding your terms, one of which is the needs for you to work and make money, please do maintain your ground this time around. Working to make money will really help your self esteem, will boost your mental health, and it will also reposition your husband's perspective about you.
    Staying at home taking care of the kids is emotionally draining, too bad your husband, being verbally aggressive, is not helping your situation. Breaking this cycle is achievable but please don't break your home!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Marriage is not a prison and people should stop making it seems as one for females with this mentality of he's not beating you.
    I think you married a man far older than you or who thinks he bought you with his money.
    Forget all these "he provides and take good care of his children", he should have opted for a surrogate if all he cares about are his children.
    You deserve to live and not just exist, people forget you are first a human before being a mother.
    Hangout with your kids, have fun and take good care of your mental health. Create happy moment for yourself

    ReplyDelete
  17. Is your mind still in the marriage or not?

    He is a control freak but might be for a reason. Every man has it's own. You must decide if you want to stay and bear whatever he does or decide if you think your freedom is most important for you, wether married or not

    ReplyDelete
  18. My friends husband doesn't want her to do anything. Her marriage is close to 20years,she has accepted her fate and left it. Her parents left her and her siblings estate lands and house,she receives rent,he corners her and borrow the money,good thing is he repairs the houses and maintains the ones belonging to his wife. She can't travel,go to party,visit you and anyone except he approves. He cheats like no man business,has a daughter outside,comes back late and all. She's good with it and has accepted it. He is a good man to her and her children.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha lol at good man
      A good cheating man

      Delete
    2. How is a cheating husband a good man? 🀷🏽‍♂️

      Delete
    3. No rubbish cheating greedy selfish person is good

      People redefining and repackaging rubbish as "good"

      Delete
    4. The way some people describe good men on this blog leaves me baffled.

      Delete
  19. You didn't mention anything like domestic violence,meaning he doesn't beat you. I was looking for that.
    No perfect husband/wife anywhere, Is divorce really the only option to your problem? think it through sis. you can go stay with a relative for like a week just to clear your head , you sounding like you need some space away from him.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Advertise on social media dear, but right here….I’d say you ignore him and focus your energy on ur trade, self and kids. Just ignore him and see his ego deflate. DONT LOOK DEPRESSED O! Just throwey face for am

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He’s mad at WhatsApp so you think he’ll let her advertise

      Delete
    2. And you skipped the part where she said "No social media", abi?

      Delete
  21. Don’t divorce him yet
    Just start doing what you want to do
    You can learn some iT skills online unless you just really like baking
    I say this cause cooking And baking are messy activities and I think both parties should consent to the home being used for catering of baking commercially
    But things that you learn without bothering the household, no one should be able to stop you from doing
    In fact he may not even know about it as you can learn such during your own time
    As for the way he talks just ignore him for now while you learn a skill
    Divorce is not hard. You don’t even need some great lawyer to get the man to take care of his kids financially
    You do have to worry about being mentally and financially prepared for yourself
    Also consider seeing a therapist online. You can do that without informing your husband

    ReplyDelete
  22. Don't do what you will regret in future..
    May Holy Ghost direct your path.

    ReplyDelete
  23. It’s interesting that people don’t understand what this woman is going through. The issue here is not whether he provides or not. The issue here is control. If they both agreed that she should stay at home while he works then that’s fine but being forced or bullied to do something you don’t want to do is very toxic. She will slowly loose her mind because she is an adult who can’t do anything she wants. In fact she has become a slave in her own home. She is not allowed to make decisions or even have a say in decision making. Everything is not about money.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then she should pack up and go. No need to look for advice. Just Waka n ask for a divorce.

      Delete
  24. Psychological and emotional torture are as bad as physical abuse. Poster, I sympathize with you but I don’t think you should leave, at least for now.
    My advise is, change strategy. It is time for you to be independent minded. Consider your new hustle/plans as yours alone!
    Exactly what you plan to do if you leave the marriage. STOP LOOKING FOR: validation from him, support from him, congratulations from him, encouragement from him.
    RESTRATEGISE. Research to find a new support group. In your case, I’d suggest cake makers. When convenient attend cake fares, register for an online course on cake icing, cake flavouring, online marketing for cakes etc. Get a book start researching and planning on what your social media page or website should look like. Look at other social media and websites in Nigeria and abroad. Start planning on what your social media presence will look like.
    ENGAGE in other activities that will inspire you. Maybe join church choir or a department in church. Join a gym or reading club. It will help boost your self confidence.
    When your hubby comes home don’t expect ANYTHING from him. Give him food and leave him to himself.
    Be more involved in things, family occasions etc. when something is happening and you are invited, bake very nice cupcakes and present to the people. If possible attend the event with your kids without your husband or arrive earlier. Try not to go with him.

    Honestly this would help you feel better.

    I was once in your shoes and I thank God each day that I didn’t leave my marriage!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I put it to you that this poster is not under any emotional abuse.
      She opened her korokoro eyes and married omata, now she wants Hollywood kinda of love.
      Poster, dont leave your marriage or scatter your marriage.
      You will regret it.
      Sugar boys will chop you and move on.
      If you have browsing phone go to youtube, learn how to knit and be knitting for your children.Bake for your children and family.
      Until your last child writes waec, oga is not going to agree.
      Stop creating tension in your marriage because oga will not even notice and you will be hurting yourself.
      #shalom

      Delete
  25. Na wa oo with the comments here! Wow ! Is that the type of marriage you people want to die in ? Damn ! Women ! A man who doesn’t allow her to use WhatsApp and you people are shouting but he provides for you so stay , stay in a marriage that she doesn’t have an opinion of her own ? The man isn’t proud of her ? She’s controlled like a 5yr old and basically a prisoner ? A marriage which robs you of your agency ? Damn !

    So this is the type of marriage most of you here are in and will say I’m married ? Tufia! Even a 5yr old has more freedom than this 36yr old woman The emotional abuse is crazy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See ehn. I was just vexing. I was just busy vexing. Because u provide money for us means I should not earn my own money, I should not even use social media. Which kind of bondage in the name of marriage is this?

      Poster, I will not advise u to leave just like that but first start by publicly advertising ur business on any social media possible, infact get his contacts and advertise ur business to them via whatsapp.

      You are already thinking of leaving, his reaction to your rebellion will either help u seal ur decision to leave or u may be surprised that he will succumb to ur demand.

      The

      Delete
    2. No wonder you see some of them looking very old and haggard after few years of marriage even with all the power, filler and concealer. Some cannot step out of their house without makeup. Ndi Mrs by force. What happens to standing for your right as a human. Una shame dey catch me from afar.

      Delete
  26. Ouch!!!

    Right here is a home where love is not existing anymore. Both parties are embittered. I bet if he was not rubbing it on your face or speaking ill of you in the presence of others you wouldn't have bordered about finding what to do.

    Ma'am, your energy flows where you direct your attention. For now, adopt the room mate marriage idea and stop indulging him. If he allows you to go out and attend events. Build up your friends and social circle from there and don't hesitate to let them know you bake. Every successful business needs to be built, so nah small small. As long as you delivered your first Job well (taste and designer), there is a possibility referrals might come from there. If you can, make inquires on how to get a customized call tune (I can't remember the name now, but the tune people hear when they call you and your phone is ringing) as form of advert. You can design and print out a small sized card that you can give to people too. Some go to the extent of using radio stations for adverts. Everyone must not use social media.

    Please don't leave your home, everyone out there has a fault, how you manage yours is very important.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Don't leave yet. The cake business is ok. Try sell your creativity and one day he will be forced to acknwowelge how good you are.

    Keep saving o

    ReplyDelete
  28. The best advice I can give to you right now is to invest in some therapy. Since you do not have friends or family to confide in, having a neutral body you can speak with is very important, so if money dey, go find a skilled professional and book some sessions.

    Your depression is what is causing you to feel so down. I think your husband has a rigid view of gender roles in marriage. This is unfortunate, because it is stifling to you, and the talents and gifts you were given by the divine cannot be used to fulfill God's purpose for your life. So there you are. Working is more than the earning of money and independence, it is creative expression and allowing the divine creative lifeforce to become alive in you so that you can co-create with God while on Earth. Perhaps having a man who he respects and whose opinions he values to speak with him may help, on the flipside it may anger him too. It is sad that a marriage which is supposed to elevate your happiness is sucking the life force out of you.

    Separate, separation is sometimes the thing that allows someone to reconsider their life. If he wants to talk about your reason for the separation let him know, hold nothing back and if he cannot change then move on with your life. Marriage should not emotionally or spiritually kill anyone, nobody should wither away and become a fragment of their former self, that is a slow and painful death.

    ReplyDelete
  29. He allowed you go to baking school.
    He did not stop you from doing business then.
    The question is what did he see on your WhatsApp that made him very angry.

    You have access to internet if not you would have not sent this to Maaami.

    Madam, I really don't see any issue here except that you want freedom to hangout and have fun. Doing business is not the issue for you

    Divorce him and go have fun but remember that when you divorce him you also will have to carry part of the burden of training your kids. Don't think court in Naija will tell him go carry everything

    ReplyDelete
  30. I understand stand that the things you want 13years ago are not what you want now. It's normal because for goal that is accomplished, a new is set. A balanced marriage allows for that because we all change. But in your case, your husband is rigid and doesn't want to see the need to allow the change for you. I empathise with you.

    I won't suggest you leave your marriage because truthfully, the grass always looks greener on the other side. As it has been rightly suggested, I will encourage you to please take a stand and realise your happiness doesn't depend on anyone. If you want to make something out of yourself,please do. If he really cares for you, the thought of sending you out will not even come up at all, especially if all his shouting doesn't keep you down.
    Also, prepare for the worst like divorce but don't be the one to serve divorce. And avoid using negative words when you are talking to your Children. The mouth is a powerful tool and it also shapes the children. Above all, pray and trust God.

    May God give you the grace to make the best decision. All the best.

    ReplyDelete

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