STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONSEQUENCES OF MARRZING THE WRONG PERSON...
Marriage I know is a beautiful thing but unfortunately I married the wrong person.
I met my ex husband (or what name should I call him....???) In church. I was working as a cook while he was a driver in an oil company. My salary wasn't much but it was enough to cater for my immediate needs and still save a little. After introduction I noticed he's a SELFLESS GIVER with NO PLANS, If he collects salary today, by next week he's already low on cash with a salary of 150k. He wasn't stingy to me before marriage but my issue was his lack of PLAN for the future...
After marriage, I realized he was a LIAR, CHRONIC DRUNK, and A WOMANIZER. A habit he perfectly hid from me whilst dating. I never knew what he does with his salary, I only know he's been paid whenever he buys things at home. Thanks to God I had an easy delivery and went to my parents place for omugwo.
While I was at my parent's house, he would bring girls home. He will always apologize and blame the DEVIL.
We continued living together as i finally accepted that he CANNOT LEAVE ALCOHOL AND WOMEN. We don't pay rent because we live in company house so imagine how easy it would have been if he had planned with me....? Honestly he buys foodstuff and things for our son but he just wasn't a good husband to me. I fasted and prayed for him to change but still nothing as he even stopped going to church.
After involving his family I discovered he was the BLACK SHEEP OF HIS FAMILY, that was why nobody wants him around, whenever I complained of his excesses they never had anything good to say about him just for them to be beg me. I had our second child still no difference.
I moved out after I discovered that he was FIRED from work after several query because he was always drunk and the company gracefully gave him 6months to vacate it's property. He never told me and he was still living the house everyday in the guise of going to work until the office people came for their keys. That was when I knew he's been out of job for almost 7months.
With nowhere to go, I had to move back to my parents house because my savings couldn't get us a decent apartment. I went back to my widowed mother because my dad had died a year ago. My family became my shield by making sure my kids and I don't lack much, because I was almost consumed be depression. While I left for my parent's house he left for Port Harcourt to look for another job
2 months later I realized I left his house PREGNANT, Family planning had failed me. I told him on phone but didn't see him all through my 9 months journey and after 4 months of delivery I went to look for him since he had refused to come check on us claiming things are not working well for him. I went from Warri to PH with my new born so she could at least see her father, he checked us into a hotel because he couldn't take us to where he was squatting and we left the next day.
That was the first and last day my 7yrs old daughter ever saw her father. We have not seen him since that day, I heard he impregnated another lady in Kaduna, has a male child and has also abandoned her too to only God knows where.
He calls like once or twice in every year asking for forgiveness that things are terribly bad with him. I don't know his whereabout but people who had seen him said he's doing badly
Today I am a failed 42yrs old lady with 3 kids living with my aged mother and managing with a 15k salary as a teacher and the proceeds I get from my puff puff, eggroll, buns biz because I lost my previous job as a result of a bad marriage.
Do I have regrets oh yes.....!!! But he isn't to be blamed for everything because If I had paid attention to some telltale signs my life wouldn't have been this messed up. But I am still hanging on because I have to be the best parents to kids
OMG OMG OMG.... thank God that you are in good health and you have the kids... Dont see yourself as failed, see yourself as a woman who hell and back - A CONQUEROR!!!:::
Don't call yourself failed! You can still rise and be better. Thank God you still have your mom. Just explore other options for your finances,try new businesses and pray for success.
ReplyDeleteFailed 42 year old?! You don't even know how to talk! Imagine the title you gave yourself by yourself! You took a good look at your life and that is all you see? Failure?
DeleteI bet my last Kobo that you, with your own mouth confessed and attracted to yourself these trail of bad news because that is where you concentrate on, only on what is going wrong/bad. You think it's by incessant fasting and complaining and regrets? No my sister. It is my gratitude for little things( it was gratitude that turned 2fishes and 5bread to an overflow of 12 baskets), it by positive words, it by pure heart, it is by loving, it's by generosity, it is by staying happy and hopeful. Let's count with the little details you gave
1. You are a mother.
2. You are healthy.
3. Your kids are healthy.
4. Sound family support system.
5. You are industrious.
You need to buy "Power of Positive Thinking". You must buy "the secret" by Rhonda Byrne, read and practice and take charge of your life and stop being a victim.
@sdk is there anyway we can help this lady please?
DeleteSo because you are separated from a man that cannot take care of you, you believe you are a failure? Sometimes I wonder what goes on in some people's mind especially Nigerian women. What you don't know is that you carry so much inside of you and that catering skill you are belittling can achieve so much for you. Why do people think they must be employed and earn a certain amount to be successful? Maybe for a short while, though. Please, just renew your mind, get very serious, give yourself a target since your family is supporting you with caring for your children, upgrade your catering skills and start a business- sell groundnut (N1,000/bottle), popcorn, smallchops, bake cake, eggrolls, cook food and sell etc, add water and drinks. Set aside a small amount daily which you must not touch and keep increasing it. In a short while, your hands will be full.
DeletePoster, l won't blame you that much but don't beat up yourself okay. It's alright.
DeleteLadies a quick one, the moment you sense the man you're married to isn't what you bargained for, stop literally every sexual activity and move! I am NOT in support divorce but sometimes it could save your life and minimise the damages.
Dear bvs, my story is one bitter sweet one and still being written....but the amazing part is though my life took a different route,it's been beautiful, exciting and l am standing tall today. E still dey shock them!
Thank you God
One day l would tell the story here
One day
How
DeleteWhat if 16:33 is the poster?
DeleteNo offense but we've seen way too much format on this blog to last us a lifetime.
The secret ambassador
DeleteStella, please what is your email? I want to be connected with this lady. I want to help her.
DeleteDear poster,
DeleteCan you learn any skill? That will also benefit you like wig making, tailoring or something else to add to your finances.
What has happened has happened, I know it’s not easy but still remain positive and you will testify.
The Secret and The Power these books would change your perception to life.
DeleteAs a man thinks so is he! You are unconsciously responsible for whatever happens to you.
Anon 17.26 i agree💯. If your marriage is not going well, if you do nothing at all...just STOP HAVING CHILDREN!. how do women keep having children by these men!. Use your braina nd protect yourself!
DeleteAnon, at 42, you can still very well achieve your dreams, it may no be easy, but be optimistic
DeleteYou are not a failure. You have 3 lovely kids and a mother who provided shelter for you. Count your blessings, lady.
ReplyDeleteI see a devout woman who loved her husband and who's determined to make a success out of her marriage, career and every of her endeavors in life.
DeleteYour type is rare. Just keep your head up high and everything will realign. Life is not perfect at all and it's got nothing to do with you.
Kiss your Momma for me, Ma.
You are a STRONG WOMAN, God will see you through. It is well.
ReplyDeleteBbjac
Hmmmm God’s grace upon you. Don’t give up, just be steadfast and hardworking. I like that you told yourself the truth which is step in the right direction. Keeping getting better and don’t rush into any relationship because it won’t solve your problems. Do not form pity party because they will capitalize o it and use you. Focus on getting better and the kids. All will be fine. It might take awhile but it will be better. One more, please don’t let him back into your life for any reason. You know why I’m saying that.
ReplyDeleteFasting and praying for things to change without actually making plans to remove oneself from a toxic situation is laughable.
ReplyDeleteThis Chronicle annoyed me.
DeleteIt's thr typical Nigerian woman's way. They pray to God to change a man who is not willing to change. If they pray for themselves more, they would be far better off. But no, na to pray for wicked men.
DeleteHonestly, i was also annoyed. After the first child, she had no business getting pregnant again. Even his people told her he is the black sheep and evidently so, how would you procreate with a cursed human being. Now the bad thing is that, i hope her daughters won’t grow up craving a father figure in their lives.
DeleteMy advice, continue pushing, no matter how bad it gets, make sure your daughters get an education please and stop looking for him, let his conscience judge him.
16:38 Hmmmm.
DeleteYou are not a failure as you think, you were married before which product 3 kids for you, please be thankful and appreciate God for everything that have happened.
ReplyDeleteMay help locate you and may your children make you proud.
Keep pushing, God will wipe your tears away through your kids..
ReplyDeleteMay the favor of God locate you and change your story for good.
Dear poster, please learn to always see something to be grateful in any bad situation and you will see how your life will change. In any bad situation, take the lesson and move on, remember that once there is life , there is also hope.
ReplyDeleteAS YOU BREATH NOW, SOMEWHERE SOMEONE JUST BREATH THEIR FINAL BREATH ON EARTH. BE GREAT FUL.
Please don't call yourself a failure.Marriage is like a wrapped gift,you only get to see the full content when opened.I pray the Lord send you help.
ReplyDeleteToday I was just reminiscing on what bad marriage has done to me.i am only 34,but some days are so gloomy that I wonder why I accepted to be married to my Ex.All will end in Praise.
Your story just made me cried,don't know why some men pretend so much that one won't uncover them untill you settle with them.you are not a failed person and I pray your kids turns out wonderfully well.
ReplyDeleteThe man too is a victim of himself. He doesn't know how to help himself. Those are the type their family members always hope a woman with a magic wand will marry him and automatically change him into a responsible man. Unfortunately, he has dragged this poor lady into hopelessness with him.
DeleteThis is not true. Most women are in a hurry to get married so they turn the blind eye to the man's flaws. Most women are desperate for marriage. They think that they can cope with any flaws they find in their spouses, but alas, it's not so easy. It's so shameful how women don't understand that the life of a single lady is blissful. If a man is not disciplined, kind and totally in love with you, why marry him and give birth to his kids? Contrary to popular opinion, children are not always blessings. Most women can have kids
Deleteanytime they want. You have to be responsible for them for at least 25 years of their lives or more before they can stand on their feet in life. My own mother suffered terribly as a widow with 4 kids and that made me to be extremely careful about bringing children into this world. Women have to be really vigilant. Men can always move on and leave the women stuck with the kids. Take heart. Double your hustle.
Anonn 17.18 💯. Im glad yiua re self aware and were able to learn from your mums experience. If not that i had twins i would have only had 1 child!
DeleteYou are not a failure. Yes we have all made mistakes; but then we don't dwell on them. Just keep serving God. Be optimistic about life.
ReplyDeleteDear, you are not "a failed 42 year old" lady. You are a lady that has been shaped by the events of life to be a better person.
ReplyDeletePlease do not hate this man and train your kids to love their dad irrespective of his shortcomings and perceived failings.
To the rest, I say what I always write on this forum, seek God to know him, in this life, in marriage, in career and every important decision in
your life. Starting on a sound footing is very important. He knows the heart of every person on earth.
Shalom! 🎈🎈
I will say and repeat it, NIGERIAN WOMEN STOP HAVING KIDS WITH IRRESPONSIBLE HUSBANDS. Kids don't fix things, there are not a guaranty to a marriage, they don't make men responsible. STOP IT! Accident? How about you stop sleeping with a drunk and irresponsible man? Why don't you plan when to sleep with him? He womanises and drinks yet you sleeping with him without protection.
ReplyDeleteIt is a done deal, but any woman reading this, if you are married to an irresponsible man, stop having kids, hold on and manage 1 kid.
Woman, you have made your bed, now it is not time for regret, 3 human being depend on you. Work hard, be a great mother, love those kids, stop looking for him, he calls fine, he doesn't fine. Concentrate on the kids and how to get a better job, you are not a failure, you made mistakes and it is time to fix what is left.
Will they listen???!!!!!!! They want to brag that they have children but have no actual plan for their well-being.
DeleteWould even have the nerve to shame other ladies for not having kids yet.
They get married and pregnant immediately, in lieu of taking at least 1 year to live with /learn each other plus make moves to prepare for offspring(s) they intend to bear.
They think it’s a flex to suffer
💯💯💯
Delete💯💯💯
DeletePoster stop that I say stop that name calling of yourself that you are failure. Don’t worry soon you will remember days like this and smile. You have beautiful 3 kids which should be your strength and reason for your existence.
ReplyDeleteGod will be your strength always.
You kept on making babies with a useless and irresponsible Man! That’s all I saw!
ReplyDeleteIt is well dear poster
ReplyDeleteMay God come through for you soon 🙏
I feel you should be grateful to God,some people were married for years and no kids to show,Some caught disease because if the way he was sleeping around,But you are alive with your children.please be grateful.
ReplyDeleteWhat happens to his family?.(brothers and sisters) Try and reconnect with them and see if they can be of help in training the children.
ReplyDeleteYou are not a failed woman. You can only try and allow God take the wheel. 7years is enough to take what life has thrown at you. Most women are married but single. If the family decide not to help. Love yourself intentionally See your self as a single mother and invest your love and energy on training your children. You can't turn back the hand of the clock. He is a back sheep and might never change.
Zaram, I no gree. Because the brothers and sisters don't have their own children and responsibilities? This is why we in these parts keep hatching responsibilities we have no plans of taking up, then blame relatives for not reducing their own quality of life to take up ours.
DeleteThe deed has been done. The woman needs help, abi na strangers suppose help her?
DeleteWhile reading the secret, also look for a book about kindness. Read and practice it, inugo?
Hmm, I don't know what to say but to wish u all the best. Thanks for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteLol which one is thanks for sharing.your story. You people will not kill somebody.
Delete16:32 If you don't understand basic polite expressions, it's okay to walk past than exposing one's ignorance. I really don't know what's wrong with some of you.
DeletePoster, help a single lady, what are the little signs you made mentioned in the last paragraph? Not to make a mockery of you, I want to learn
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you!! Well done!! The sky is your limit….! GO GIRL!!
ReplyDeleteYou are proud of her for making not 1, not 2, 3 kids with a drunkard, liar and irresponsible man, please let’s call it what it is, deep down she knows you are just trying to patronize her.
DeleteShe had no business making 2 more babies with that man. She should have left when she saw his true hue and moved on.
DeleteIt boggles my mind that same mistakes are made regularly despite the infinite chronicles detailing them on here…
Blame culture. You knew he’s a bum but you stated in the marriage to pray for a useless man? Or let me guess you are among the people that shame single mothers or call them baby mamas right?
ReplyDeleteBirth control failed you my foot!
Ladies marriage is not by force! This advice is coming from a man!
You are not a failure and don't give up
ReplyDeletegirl start to redefine how you see yourself... failed how? do you know you can still remarry and truly enjoy marriage? do you know that your puff puff and egg roll business can become a big catering business tomorrow? you have failed and that is in the past, dust yourself up and rise above it. you have 3 kids, do you know the number of women praying and fasting everyday to conceive? count your blessings and keep pushing, it can only get better
ReplyDeletePoster, all I see is a woman whom God has shown mercy. 42, healthy, has healthy kids, has a roof over her head, has a supportive family etc. Cheer up , things will get better, just focus on what's working. Erase the man from your memory so that you will stop worrying about what didn't work
ReplyDeleteLet’s do fundraiser for her na
ReplyDeleteYou are not a failure. However this chronicle annoyed the hell out of me. What the hell is wrong with Nigerian women? It is understandable that you did not see the signs before marriage, but the moment you noticed his terrible flaws after marriage, that should have been enough for you to take action. For goodness sake, how do women have unprotected sex with a chronic womanizer. In this case you can bet the man was also having unprotected sex with the other women ,because as a drunkard, you can bet he was almost always under the influence of alcohol!. How do you open your legs to sleep with such a dirty human being? Nigerian women, try get sense! Marriage is not a do or die affair. I am 34 years old and have been with my partner for over 10years. Not for 1 day have i ever gotten pregnant and we dont even use any birth control pill, just good ol condom and i pay extra attention to my cycle. I know when i am safe and when i am not. If you do not want to get pregnant you won’t! I have never understood that “ i mistakenly got pregnant” gist. I intend to be mentally there before i have any kids. Financially, we are more than capable. We are just not in a hurry to tie the knot or have kids. Marriage for us is 2 years down the line.plan is to have just 2 kids, after marriage God willing. Naija women, Learn to live your life to the fullest and stop tying your sense of fulfillment to a man or kids!this is the 21st century. Change your mentality. I get really mad when i see women disgracing themselves in church praying for husband. You will never see men rushing to pray for wife. End this desperation already!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is just me but i have never understood this marriage craze nigerian women have. When i graduated college, my mates were getting married left right and center. I was focused on getting the hell out of nigeria to further my studies. If you are so focused on being successful,and you have high standards, you will not settle for just any idiot that calls himself a man. I also do not get the desperation to have kids that leads some women to settle for useless men. For me, the man is the incentive to have kids. This means that i cannot have sex with you talk more of have your kids when you are a terrible human being. You have to be a responsible and focused man. Children are a plus for marriage and not the reason for the marriage. Once you understand this, you wont settle for just anyone. Nigerian women start holding these men accountable, and dont be afraid to walk away from a bad situation. What is the worst that can happen? You live the rest of your life alone? Is that such a horrible thing? Better to do that than marry a useless man!
ReplyDeleteThe fact that they chose to get married while you chose to further your studies does not make their choice wrong or vice versa. Live and let live.
DeleteGo ahead and marry a useless fellow then, since it’s all about choice.
Delete02.47 smh, you are obviously pained. Na by force? Leave others to marry while you do phd and stop whining about their choices.
DeleteYou knew very well he was a chronic drunk and womanizer and you were still sleeping with him without protection.
ReplyDeleteYou don’t love yourself. Such a pity.
You are still young, life they say begins at 40. Don’t write yourself off yet. Become very intentional about your life. That your. Small business you can decide within you to grow it into something huge. Wish you all the best.
Stella please drop the poster’s account details so I can help her. Please ma you’re not a failure in-fact you re an inspiration despite all life’s challenges you’re still striving to be better. Be proud of your journey and learn from it! May God transform your life🙏🏾
ReplyDelete