Hmmm....
READING BETWEEN THE LINES.
I need you guys honest opinion.
My father in law passed away and his family omitted my son's name from the list of grandkids in the program of events.it was my son that brought my attention to it during the service.
I brushed it off till he repeated the statement asking why His name isn't there. That was when I collected it and noticed that out of all the grandkids. They committed only his name and out of the in-laws mentioned they omitted only my name.....
I left the venue immediately and went home, kicked up and didn't go for any other program. They said it was a blunder or omission but why just us ? In fact forget about me, why the kid? Nna I have seen something in this life oh.
So as old as I am, small pikin go look my face and tell me this has a logical explanation and it's called omission? Or do they have doubts about the child's paternity ?
I'm So lost but I can't be bothered, it is their business but i guess I've learnt a lesson and I've read the writing.
I will keep away from them the same way I keep away from anything that wants to take away my peace.
*It is only your husband that can answer this question properly... or didn't he marry you the correct way yet? or did he say something to them? How can they include his name and omit that of his wife and child? something is not right oh... Are you the hidden second wife? Check the list again to see strange names.
You need to find out what went wrong, there is definitely something going on.....
Poster you have every right to be angry because it's a big deal.
ReplyDeleteBut before you decide to stay away from them,check their previous attitude towards you,Have they been unfair towards you? If Yes then you should indeed stay away from those joy killers but if the reverse is the case,I advice you give them the benefit of doubt.
YOur Husband should explain. You have every right to get angry but don't let it border you much.
DeleteIf your husband is mute on the matter, then don't carry their family issues on your head. Except they feel he ain't married or what self.... Such a deliberate omission.
ReplyDeleteDid you ask your husband? What did he say? How is his reaction to this? Is he upset as you? You need to ask questions cos something seems wrong.
ReplyDeleteI am shocked that in this story, you omitted what your husband said about it all.
ReplyDeleteYour storming out of the ceremony isn't the solution.
If it were in your dad's family that this happened, would you have stormed out, won't you have asked questions right away?
Well, it's not her dad's family
DeleteAbi o
DeleteMake she stay there ask questions and cause the fight they probably want. It's good she left.
Madam, make e no be say you be side chic oo... please ask questions and find out what went wrong
ReplyDeletePerfect! Please keep away from normal humans that have tendencies for mistake and keep to your petty self.
ReplyDeleteOrdinary brochure o. Why do you people read so deep a meaning to minor things? Imagine! That they question your son's paternity just because of an omission that could very well be the fault of the publisher or even the mischief of one member of the family to get you twisted. And you just fell yakata!
Abeg shift.
Another perspective. Just one family member who doesn't like you can do it at the point of publication to get at you. It may not be a collective family decision to take you and your son off the publication.
DeletePoster, If they haven't been treating you bad before now, it might truly be an honest omission. Don't be petty. You didn't mention your husband. And why does your son's paternity cause so much distress? Was there an issue before he was born?
DeletePlease this is not a minor thing. Why she and her son only?
DeleteThem omit mother and omit son. Only them. C'mon.
DeleteThis is not an omission and can never be, your husband needs to explain somethings, make him found out what is wrong really if he has nothing to do with it. You need to know your place in the family.
DeleteGoing out of the ceremony and keeping them out of your wife is the most foolish thing to do.
ReplyDeleteThe questions won't go away, at least for your son.
Please watch and love him carefully so that he does not feel abandoned, unloved and hardened.
What is your husband's attitude in this whole matter?
The tribe and how they have treated you before this events are also important in assessing this behavior.
Is your husband alive ?
ReplyDeleteI don't have much to tell you...my candid opinion is ask ur husband
ReplyDeleteThis isn't an omission at all, one is still pardonable but two - a mother and her child...kosi justification rara. What is your husband saying on the issue, abi he doesn't have a say in his family ni. It calls for worry but don't let it way you down. Just press the ignore button and start saving for rainy days oooo
ReplyDeleteSerious worry, kò ju má ribi gbogbo ara ní ogún ẹ.
DeleteThey didn’t add mother and child!!!!
ReplyDeleteThink the best of people but don’t be too naive. The cost can be dire
I understand how you feel but what if it was an honest mistake?
ReplyDelete2 ppl from the same side only.
DeleteIt wasn't a mistake. Be gentle and wise.
What is your husband saying about it first?
ReplyDeleteHave they said it to your face that you weren’t married properly? Or even Rumoured?
ReplyDeleteAre you being treated right in that family?
Did anyone openly doubt your child’s paternity?
I won’t see it as a big deal if the answer to the above is NO!!
I dislike assumptions,I’m vocal and won’t be unnecessarily petty about issues like this.
So don’t assume;ask questions rather..There is more to life and all these won’t matter in heaven..
Also what’s your husband saying about this? He should be the one to react if there is reason for that;so you won’t go and create unnecessary enemies when the family is mourning..
They are his family;not yours..no matter how you think you are loved or hated;his family can easily forgive him and not you just incase this issue goes south..so don’t start creating enemies over this rather ask your husband why and he would be the one to push it further..
But seriously,If they say it’s an omission;take it and move on,or you want to use your money and do another brochure then include the names?
@MARTINS
This same thing happened to my sister when her MIL died. They didn't include my sister and her kids names in the funeral brochure/ programme only her husband's name.They purposely did it.
ReplyDeleteImagine such pettiness. What did they gain from that?
DeleteWhy is it always the women that are so shocked and angry about these matters and not the men?
ReplyDeleteIt can happen don’t take it to Heart .
ReplyDeleteWas your own name excluded , I am sure not !
When I planned my dads burial the printer excluded my sisters kids it was a big error and my sister blamed me and accused me.
I had to show her the draft I sent to the printer and what was approved .
I cried so hard .
I am sure it was a mistake especially when the grandkids are a lot
Her name was excluded
DeleteThis one de read from dictionary . Didn’t you see where she said after the son said it the second time she checked and also noticed hers was omitted. You guys are just quick to type without processing what you read.
DeleteJust reading it well o.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry .
It’s a bit different from what happened to me .
Are there a lot of kids and grandkids ?
Were you recently married ?
Please reason like an adult.
DeleteEven if there are 500 grandkids there us no justification for the mother and son's name to be omitted.
It's a deliberate insult.
Poster should read the handwriting on the wall and adjust accordingly.
If people use leg to talk, you too use leg to answer.
This chronicle is not complete. Is your husband alive?. kindly let us know if you are legally married to him or you are in Abuja marriage (cohabiting without formal marriage). It is not an omission. Something is wrong. Maybe they are not seeing you and your son as part of their family. If you are legally married and your husband is alive. Chanel your anger to him. Before this issue is resolved make sure you speak to your son in a language he will understand to avoid this omitted name ish plant a wrong seed in his life about his root. Remember to war is not only about your in-laws. It's about your sons root too. For him to mention it to you that means he was pained not seeing his name.
ReplyDelete👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾poster, go and ask your husband this question.
DeleteDoes that mean you did not invite any of your friends and family members to the burial of your father - inlaw,you stormed and left without attending to them,what is your husband opinion on the issue of omitting your name and your son's name?,are you a wife or side chick?cos you just did what a side chick would have done.......... Josaria
ReplyDeleteMy MD and two executive directors from my office were there.also family and friends.
DeletePoster you gave us half information. There is no smoke without fire, did they marry you or not? When you told your horseband what did he say?
ReplyDeleteJust laughed at the half chronicle. Even her reaction says a lot and she's completely silent about the husband. Plenty water under the bridge..
DeletePoster it could be omission but how are they treating you and the children
ReplyDeleteMe think your chronicle is not complete. Are you still with your husband? Properly married, and not just ... If Yesthen something is definitely wrong
ReplyDeleteYour Chronicle is not complete. You need to open up on a lot of issues which you know. Something is not adding up. Error of omission for two names from the same source. , mbanu
ReplyDeleteYour Chronicle is not complete. You need to open up on a lot of issues which you know. Something is not adding up. Error of omission for two names from the same source. , mbanu
ReplyDeleteYes we got married properly and we did both traditional and court with his family in fiull attendance.the first thing I noticed was when I Gabe birth to my son.my sister in law asked me how I feel that my son is not the first grandchild ( one of the girls in the family is married with kids) I was sha shocked and wondered if it's a competition.btw my husband is the first son.with time I've noticed some off behaviors which is what mad eme keep away from them cos even if I complain to him.he brushed it off.er are living together and the whole family ans only 4 grandkids but they ommited only my son's name.and they have 3 inlaws but ommited only my name
ReplyDeleteBelieve me im unbithered about my name.but a kid?? Haba. I didn't storm out.i attended the burial and left afterwards after asking him the supposed justification for the so called ommision.he seems to agree with them that it's an ommision.abi let me use his own words"blunder" .why and for how long he intends to continue absorbing their bullshit is what is annoying me.if this can happen while he's alive then I've got shivers.i work hard and I support the family.in fact im supporting the family sef.so it's amazing how they act.if it were my family, it won't be so cos we woul embrace the supportive woman for what she sdounf to our brother.but it's obvious they don't see it this eaty. If it was to get to me,then why the kid? Im really pissed off and I know im not satisfied with his answers
My dear, do you know what your husband tells them in private? Dies he support you and defend you even when you are not there?
DeleteMany husbands deliberately rubbish their wives to their family members so that she can be at a disadvantage.
As you are careful of his family, be careful of the man you married.
Gradually withdraw your support and start saving for your future. That man is not your husband. Know this and know peace
DeleteDo you trust the person saying it was an error? If you do, then let it end there
ReplyDeleteIf not, then be watching them
This poster na another Judy Austin. Her husband na Yul Edochie. Ndi association of side chics turned wives.
ReplyDeleteTo answer Stella red ink.there are no strange names, Just us 'outcastes' The most annoying part of this whole thing is the gas lighting.he's making me feel as if im over reacting. that it's a mistake. You have only 4 grandkids and you forget one.what of those that have more? Why can't they jist say he's survived by family instead of going to the whole length of mentioning manes and "erroneously" omitting two from same family? Biko the heart of man is wicked oh.guard your mental health cos some people can drive youbonlers.
ReplyDeleteWhen you say "outcasts", do you mean Osu?
Delete17;47, so sarcasm is lost to u. Na wah for una oo
DeleteS.
What's ogá saying about it?
ReplyDeletewhich one be married properly? Na them get pikin abi no be them?
ReplyDeleteI can see your name being omitted especially if he had many children and space is short, but your son and the only grandchild not mentioned is a hmmmmmmmmmm. If your marriage is strong then this will not shake you as a team. You don't have to bring it up more than once to your husband, cause it is his people and he may not show it, but he may feel his own way about the omission.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, Stella has given good advice. You may want to do a little digging, but with all digs be prepared for anything. Also present a neutral face and do not question anybody about why the names were missing. People are still grieving and your enquiry may come off as being self-centered and insensitive, ask nobody nothing about the program. Act as if it doesn't matter and you have longed forgotten about it. It is crucial your words and actions match up as you do your investigation. Emotional outburst and twisted faces will not help you get to the bottom of it. Find out like Stella said, are you the true wife?
One of My S-I-Ls treated my mum with disdain even before she was married.
ReplyDeleteMy mum was loving, accomadating and goes out of her way to show love to people. We are a peace loving home so we only ignored her and begged my mum to face her front. Eg -my mum could process cassava , pack crayfish, and other stuff from home and take to them in the city. She will never call to say thanks. She doesn't visit with the children even when my mum requests. We ignored her o!
My brother sef wasnt helping matters. He will be saying we are jumping into conclusion.
Anyway, to cut the long story short mum died and all I wanted to do was not include her name. But my church mind will not let me.
Another angle. Poster, how has your relationship been with them? If you never recognized them as In-laws, leave your husband to handle the matter. Since he is not worried about it as he has made you understood, let the matter rest before your son will catch on it and begin to feel unwanted by his paternal family. Such thought is damaging to a child and stays into adulthood.
DeleteClearly the story is not complete. Poster is monitoring comments and has responded twice. But no answer to the question whether she is married traditionally and legally/formally to the man. However, even if she is not so married, they should not have omitted the son's name (assuming it was delibrate).
This same thing happened to i and my siblings, during my uncles burial, our names were the only name omitted from that of the nieces and nephew and we just lost our mum then, my aunt claimed she forgot, hoe can you forget your only sisters kids, like the only sister you had. Well we didn't have money then but now she keeps calling to demand for things, people can be terrible.
ReplyDeletePoster,I understand your pain. I also remember my name being omitted from my maternal grandmother obituary. It was so painful for me to comprehend why it was only my name that got omitted, but it happened.
ReplyDeleteDon't judge the whole family just yet,give them the benefit of doubt.
These things do happen.
You need some explanations why your name and that of your son was omitted
ReplyDeleteWe got married legall both trad and Court, his family was in attendance including his parents.ive notices some issues early, the first being that when I first Gave birth, sis sister asked how I feel that my son is not the first grandchild.omoh I fear oh.like how? Are we in a competition? he has a sister that got married before us and has a kid. So I guess that's what she was referring to, I sha raise d it with him and he brushed it off as me over reacting.mkre of such happened which made me disconnect from them.i only visited when the need arises and not just out of the blues.yes my so called husband is the father to my kid my own level of wickedness has not reached the one that I'd impose a kid on a man. Guys this is jist a case of see finish. I feel pain anytime I remember it and seriously regretting why I even attended no on should experience this abeg.its callous.
ReplyDeleteSorry dear poster, more sorry that our bvs here won't see or read what u have posted but continue to talk exact same thing. Go down and read more on my advice,ok.
DeleteSparkle777
Madam you are not giving us the full gist! So it’s hard to give good advice.
ReplyDeleteAre you a baby mama? Or wife #2?
Is the child’s father married and then you had a baby for him.
Are you widowed?
I noticed you never mentioned the child’s father in the write up. Even when you left the event it was with your son alone not the child’s father. Obviously, all is not well with you and the father hence the omission. No it was not an honest mistake. It was very intentional. Most likely you’re wife #2 or concubine and they are simply trying to protect the wife they know and feel loyalty towards.
All I see is that your reaction makes it look like your husband is not the father of your son.
ReplyDeleteThe way you are acting over brochure is crazy
you are so shallow and stupid...go and read her responses mumu
DeleteMost of you commentors are so selfish and unfeeling. The poster has written more posts, yet u all will not read it yet be telling her same thing.
ReplyDeletePoster, I read ur inside comments and I believe they have something against you and ur husband isn't helping matters. So my advice is for u to be more on the savings and investment side. Reduce things u do or outrightly stop for their family. Build urself and kids more. Your husband clearly talks bad about u, so watch him too. Pray and seek peace and love.
Sparkle777
Oh I didnt see this comment before I made mine. Yes, her husband is probably one of those who runs her down to his family.
DeleteI hope she has savings and investment while trying to sustain the family.
they did it on purpose and just to show how they feel about you....even when my husband and i were estranged for about 5 years at a point i was included in the mums burial programme. my 2 kids were mentioned and i was even asked to write what i wanted to say concerning her..4 grandchildren is not too much to forget 1 grandchild...face your life and do you, at least you know where you stand
ReplyDelete