Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Sunday, August 07, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmm...





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

OPINION ON REACTION NEEDED


Dear Stella,

Hope you are doing well? Please hide my identity, thank you for your blog and this episode of chronicles, you have no idea how many lives you save reading advice on this blog. Now straight to the point, my story.


I have a very good friend, we are both Accountants, females, residing in Abuja, although she is more privileged to be working in one of the top paying Accounting firms in Nigeria, she earns over 500k monthly, i on my own part havent been fortunate to get good jobs, been in a couple of firms who don't pay so much until October last year when God blessed me with a good job,she was so happy for me.


 However she advised that in order to thank God i have to offer a sacrifice, like first fruit with my first salary, that she did same for her current accounting firm, i asked how she coped for the month she said she borrowed from her friend in church to survive the month. I humbly asked if she could borrow me some money, by month end to use while i sacrifice my Salary for charity, i asked for like 50k to manage for the month that i have honestly thought of what to do to thank God and she said she will do that by month end as i asked.


 Subsequently we were having a different conversation and she mentioned that in case God forbid she doesn't meet up with my demand, i shouldn't be upset as sometimes unforeseen circumstances will occur. I didn't see it as anything. She still made reference to that in another conversation some other day that 'eheen that money God forbid she doesn't make it up to me bla bla'. 


Month ended and she didn't send me the money, this my friend in question is quite tight, we are both not married, or  have kids but i who earns  lower even spends more on myself and tries to make myself happy, most times even to herself she finds it difficult to be generous and enjoy even her own money. 


I deliberately didn't want to remind her because we had this conversation more than twice regarding this money by month end and i just felt she was waiting for me to ask first. However i sourced for funds elsewhere, what shocked me is how she never raised the issue and even started acting off, most times i reach out to ask if she's okay she says she's fine. I couldn't hold it for too long, even though weeks passed after month end, i knew i will still ask her some day.

I eventually did and tried to be polite, told her i was quite disappointed at her behaviour considering the fact that the money i  asked for is not even up to a quarter of her earnings yet she never raised it, i reminded her of how she mentioned that in case God forbid she doesn't make it but i i just thought she was being realistic as she mentioned that more than twice. I told her that she could have at least reached out to say she can't lend the money due to unforeseen circumstances instead of going cold on me. 


To my greatest shock she started saying that i was harsh to her and i am too proud, that she even forgot i had asked and she is going through a lot, that even now she had earlier mentioned that she's going through a lot i couldn't even ask what she's going through all i care is d fact that she couldn't send me the money and my pride didn't let me ask her again by month end, besides she has borrowed me money before bla bla.


Stella, this lady saying this, despite her high paying job had borrowed money a couple of times from me in the past and i gave because she's like a sister to me,prior to this incident i had only asked her for money once and she helped, i do not want it to seem like a competition but i am feeling this way because even a day after that, she still called to hammer that she came through in the past for me. 


It left me to wonder that asides from once, which other time has she helped me financially? I on my own part have lost count of how many times she reached out to ask for money and i sent without hesitation and because your friend complained you are raising dust, a simple i am sorry without trying to justify would have solved it. No one owes you money each time you borrow, but her attitude of going silent and claiming she forgot when i asked all seemed like defence mechanisms.


 I asked myself as a friend all the times i reached out to ask if you are okay, you always said you are fine, while wait till when i asked about the money you promised to say you are going through a lot?   Same happened with my business, we fought each time i begged her to support or buy the clothes i sell but she would rather patronize big names because according to her i am expensive. 


All these put into consideration made me feel a type of way, knowing how she is with money and the emotional blackmail, maybe i should have sent a reminder one more time but knowing my friend, if that money wasn't coming from her, she would have called to follow up on if i made the charity sacrifice or first fruit so acting cold and claiming she forgot made me think otherwise.


 Please, i know many will say nobody owes you anything but this attitude really strained our friendship as things haven't been the same.

 Now she's in London and we haven't spoken since then. Please Stella and Bvs, Did i overreact? 

Dear Stella,  Your red pen is very much appreciated.

Thanks for the advice.




*If your friendship cannot stand money test, there is no need being friends at all...I personally cannot stand stingy people or people with a lot of excuses when its time to give...

You did not over react with your asking but in my opinion you even waited too long to ask.

If things are strained, dont worry, time will heal the rift between you both and if not then please move on...

Also note never to borrow money from friends or even ask, you can give them if you have to spare and wont mind if its not paid back but dont ask....

For now leave her, she will contact you when she realises she didnt handle her reaction well.

47 comments:

  1. So she convinced you to give up all your salary as first seed offering and you ended up begging to survive the following month?
    And you are an accountant?
    So it will be easy to convince you to steal your company money or fiddle with the accounts?
    I am sorry, sis but you are plain stupid!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster would have just removed the little she needed and gave the rest as first fruit instead of borrowing money. I don't like that idea atall

      Delete
  2. Your friend did you wrong, full stop 🛑
    Did she forget the passage of the scripture that talks about us not withholding good from those around us when it is in our hands to do it?. The very least she could have done is inform you she won't come through with her promise. She may be going through a lot as she mentioned but it doesn't stop her from being kind and courteous enough to beg you not to be offended for reneging on her promise. There's no pride on your part, she just wanted to use that as an avenue to prove her feigned anger was valid. Please ignore her.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bible says a borrower is slave to the lender
    Why do you think God will want you to give away your income and borrow to survive for a month. Dont this. Give as you are able. Anything beyond that is trying to Manipur God.

    There are friends that we lend and borrow back and forth and there are some that must not hear can I borrow. For those friends, they know I can’t loan them money but we do love on each other in different ways
    Remove this loaning money matter from this friendship and it might go well

    ReplyDelete
  4. You did not overreact my dear,she refused to acknowledge her fault,just let her be for now.
    Forgive her and let your mind be at peace with her.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You gave your first salary as first fruit because your friend advised you to, not because you wanted. You made a grave mistake.

    In the Bible, farmers and herders would offer burnt offerings to God. This was done as an act of thanksgiving and atonement. This is a Jewish tradition. How this practice was incorporated into Christianity is what I don't understand. How can someone make you part with your hard-earned money in the name of first fruit? And then you got angry because she refused to lend you money. You are not serious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks northern guy, ur write up is exactly what I thought. How can U give up ur whole salary as first fruit without keeping for urself? I am a Christian and I’ve never understood all that.

      Delete
    2. Exactly my thoughts. Someone adviced you to give out (tithe) all your money, that same person was not willing to give you, why would you even listen to such a person?

      A lot of Christians will disagree with this - each to his own, but the bible in 2 Cor 9:7 says it all:

      “You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.””
      ‭‭
      Whether you give a little or a lot, it is the intention behind it that matters. God is not looking for your money, he is bigger than that, neither does he want you to be unhappy. He is not a wicked God, he is love.

      Giving to the poor, widow and orphans is what matters in this life. According to James 1:27 - “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”

      Delete
  6. I don't know if what I typed delivered or not, let me just say here.Poster you both are grown women and shouldn't dwell on petty things like this honestly, friendship is not by force, if you both continue like this you won't have the heart of sacrifice as a mother . You both can keep intouch not necessarily your personal person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These are not petty things
      This was a relationship defining moment

      Delete
  7. Just let it go. She will eventually reach out to you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Poster, I will blame you for what happened. You didn't have to give your first salary as first fruit when you did not have a means to survive for the rest of the month. You are now blaming a friend who gave you hints that she may not be able to fulfil a request.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. them don turn tithe offering upside down for people wey dey manage like us.

      Delete
    2. Nigerians and religion!!! Even when the farmers in the bible gave God their first fruit, they did not give away the seed they will use for the next planting season. Dear poster, the bible is your friend, be a good student and pray and research on everything people tell you about scriptures.

      Delete
    3. Honestly. Religion in Nigeria has been shaped to enrich the pastors and men of God. Ur whole first salary??? As per why??

      Delete
  9. Kai see chronicle for just tiny thing, thats why i like men, i predicted your chronicle even before i got to the finish line. Make una change . Both of you should change this character its not healthy for friends, na by force to pay tight?
    What is faith? If you believe in what she said , were you there when she paid her whole salary? E just be me like say make i flog you those broom from cherubim and ser*****church. BVS Imagen this "bunch of women"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are acting smarter than you are and talking down on this lady
      There’s nothing wrong with how she’s feeling about what happened
      Leave her alone with your judgmental responses

      Delete
  10. Just abide by this advice she maybe going through a lot as a single lady maybe a jigolo is somewhere eating money promising her marriage so leave her alone she will come back,anyway congrat on your high pay job please don't let any sweet tongue jobless man deceive you in the name of marriage to start borrowing money from you in the name of business deal,they are many in abuja .oh pls enjoy yourself and husband will come at the right time

    ReplyDelete
  11. This matter tie wrapper. Forgive her and move on.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Awon bestie. What's the essence of being friends with you if you cannot come through for me when am in need.

    ReplyDelete
  13. That's why I avoid anything friendship, the drama that comes with it is just too much, been on my lane and having so much peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You’re missing out on a beautiful part of life
      Ask God for good friends

      Delete
    2. No be only good things of life mchew

      Delete
    3. 18:25 do you know more than God
      Read your Bible if you’re a Christian

      Delete
  14. You see money, it has power to build and destroy. Know this and know peace.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Poster, you didn't overreact. But my question is, why would you let her cajoled you into giving up your money in the name of 'first fruit' which you're not sure if that was what she actually did without anything to fall back on?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Poster dump her, she's toxic.
    You don't need her

    ReplyDelete
  17. People should realize humans are imperfect and often make mistakes.u should learn to put ur trust on God only cos even ur blood relations also have the ability to betray/hurt u.
    My advice,dear u are hurt already.pls break all connections with her,smile and move on.even if she comes apologizing tomorrow, don't draw her too close anymore

    ReplyDelete
  18. Kia I just couldn't get myself to finish reading this, haba that she earn more than you doesn't mean she doesn't have things doing with that money even though she might not be spending it on herself.. there are some friends you just don't go asking for money because they won't give, this doesn't make them bad. That you helped her doesn't mean she will when u need her help... Everybody cannot be the same, I have friends that the only time they call or chat for long is when they need money or help, they ain't bad people I have never gotten help from them but that didn't strain our relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  19. There was already telling you indirectly that she might not be able to give you the money. She should have just come out plain. You no go beat her na

    ReplyDelete
  20. Just forgive and move on,,if she comes back to address the issue, tell her it is a forgotten issue and don't discuss the issue again with her when ever you two comes together..

    ReplyDelete
  21. Poster don't blame your friend,she is not just too open to you.I have a friend just like you some years back earning more than me,not seeing what she is using her money for,even borrowing from me,she even traveled out of the country not knowing she was seriously sick,and all her money she was using to buy drugs and pounds of blood every month, until she eventually pass away.i cried my heart out when I heard the whole story about her from her parent after her demise.still reach out to her and forget about the past....... Josaria

    ReplyDelete
  22. I don't know what to advise you rather than to tell you to carry your cross

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dear poster, dnt sew seed bcoz u were advised to do so, do it bcoz u want to.
    I think ur friend is in some loan issue or smtin or people like her can be building a castle somewhere u which is gulping her salary if not why would she keep borrowing money from u, despite her huge income, ur friend is very secretive. Since u have told her ur mind, kindly mind ur business. Keep to urself, if she reaches out to u fyn and good, if she doesn't u keep being in ur own lane.

    ReplyDelete
  24. You for just offer thanks giving instead of using all as first fruit. Even God will marvel at your naivety.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blackberry 🤣🤣🤣 no be lie. God self go weak for her.

      Delete
  25. Okay let me point something out here, THAT IS NOT YOUR FIRST FRUIT GIVEN THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING. Secondly, it is upto you to decide on how you want to appreciate God for coming through for you. She has no F-ing business poke nosing Abi she is your priest or pastor or apostle? I’m highly disappointed in you for letting someone decide for you how you want to spend your earnings despite the obvious. As for she said, I said, she did, I did, hmmmmmmm, can you both just marry yourselves because there’s so much immaturity in there. Make friends with people who have progressive mindset while not being stingy.

    My 2 cents. 🙂

    ReplyDelete
  26. Omo when I read the part that says the friend had to borrow money to survive after paying FIRST FRUIT, I was shocked; because I know God doesn't even like his children borrowing.
    So for you to go and borrow because you want to pay first fruit, hmm I don't understand oo.
    Oh! Lord please teach me more about this....

    ReplyDelete
  27. There are really no trusted friends dear. You have every right to feel this way. Just don't expect too much from people so that you don't get shocked next time

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dear poster, if truly she knows what friendship is, she won't act this way. She's not "a very good friend" as you call her.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Poster , I think you always have known your frd to be this way .. it's fine to have communicated your feelings but maybe you did it too late. She actually gave you an hint that the money might not be available so immediately you saw that the money didn't come, you should have asked instead of waiting . It's all good. Just give her time. She will come around.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Poster she is not a good friend cos if she is she will give you that money. She may not give you the complete money you asked for but at least she can raise something and tell you she is going through alot than giving you hope , when you finally needed her help she locked up.

    Is not easy for some people to assist you, I will say you should face front for now but to be on a safer side you can reach out to her to rule out you are not keeping malice with her. Please if you reach out to her and she is giving you attitude please face front.

    Never you ask her for money again, do not ask her to buy what you are selling, she knows you sell and if she feel like encouraging you she will buy.

    If we cannot dash our Friends money at least we should be able to patronize them as a support.

    ReplyDelete
  31. The year i gave my first fruit, I lost that job later in Life! Dear poster, giving the first fruits is good but not to salary earners. GOD is not a wicked GOD that will give you job and take back something in return. There are so many ways we can appreciate GOD for his greatness in our lives. You can just pick up someone less privilege than you and start training them in school, you can even become a sanctuary keeper etc. Even before you pray, all your needs will be supplied on a platter of gold. Read your Bible and learn more about how to please GOD and stop practicing Christianity on "pastor says" 90% of the offering we give in churches are being mismanaged! But it's good that you discovered the true colour of your friend, she doesn't wish you well so, move on!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. @Poster, all the things you wrote up there is just a way of swaying opinion in your favour. Problem is an average Nigerian finds it hard to be objective in giving sound advice or opinion once religion is involved. Here goes the honest opinion you are looking for.

    I am sorry but you are not only greedy but gullible. The part you silently left out of your write-up was how you personally asked your friend how she has been able to get and keep her high paying job. She then gave you that advice.

    Now, there is no harm in asking such question but your greediness didn't allow you to think and see things through to realise that it is the intention in giving to God that matters and not how much you give. You felt the more you give, the more you will get back in return and perhaps without an equivalent hardwork. That is not the way it works my dear.

    You are gullible because you failed to even realise that you are supposed to keep something for yourself to run your race for the month. Moreso, you are an accountant (gosh!) and your friend not wanting to disappoint you or not knowing how to tell she can't meet up with your initial agreement decided to tell you twice indirectly but you refused to comprehend what she told you and now you are trying to guilt trip her but all due to your own stupidity. Again, sorry for the harsh words but you asked to hear the truth.

    It is your entitlement mentality that is making you to think since you helped someone in the past, they also must be able to help you. No be like that e dey work most times. If God has made you a helper (giver), your hand should and will always be above that of your friend (receiver). Thank God for that aspect of your life because giving/helping out people is not by how much you earn but by grace.

    What if God answers your prayers and you start earning N1million today but God then decides to give you a monthly problem/expenses that N1million can't solve? Do you know whether that is the situation with your friend? Aunty, thank God for your situation and get close to your friend to ask about her issues. No dey hold grudges because her time to render help to you is coming when God gives her the grace.

    Y.

    ReplyDelete

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