Sisi Senaponis Corner - Lagos Na Wah

 Lagos no easy!

Una doh o! Na who dey haase e?!


Stellahollandia-devanilla, how dey overs?! I hail!


Choi! E get one period wey things get as e be, nor be small thing o, even tie wrapper join!


Na so I kukuma pack my kaya go village.I go hustle small for that side!

Na after some time don pass,my childhood friend say make i come back Lagos o, make we see how to rough everything together!


The day after i enter town, come even coincide with one interview wah get for mainland.

Na that time wey office work make serious sense!

E nor matter if na sekuriti you be, just knack tie and coat comot for house! Na there respect dey that time, as plenty Judgina full town nor be small!
People wey sabi say their family and neighbours get bad mouth nor dey bother disclose the kain job wey dem dey do!


Even person wey go tanda for newspaper stand from morning till evening, go say na office he go!

Na when end of the month reach to bring salary come house, the men go start intentional kworeh with their wives So they nor go drop shishi!


Nna ehn, e don tey wey disguise and packaging don dey o! Na because people don upgrade to dey put am for chocho media now!


Choi,Suffer don dey we land teh teh, the difference be say, that time, people still get conscience to not build their happiness on top another person unhappiness! But now eh..we nor even know where the happiness sef dey!*God abeg!*


Na so I enter Lagos,i dey my friend family house, she describe the interview place gimme, na im I enter bus reach Oshodi.

Nne, see as Oshodi come dey different for my eyes for broad daylight! Anor see dem bros wey dey move something for person body!

Me wey don already dey prepared!


Na three dross awear under my skirt. *clickstongue!*

Na inside the first dross I put my money, the second dross na where I position my nokia phone, the third one na where I be wan put my certificate.


I come remember how many certificate aboki don use sell suya gimme for village! The person wey get the certificate go dey lagos, dey wait make company call am for job! *inside life!*


So I kukuma put my certificate inside handbag.


Anor even know if na handbag I suppose call am, because the only time wey this bag comot for middle of my leg, inside bus, na my chest e dey!


After they don delay us finish for the interview! Wey the staff dey use us press phone, do fashion parade, dey form activity upandan.


Na im i realise say na only me wear coat ontop skirt come the interview! The other ladies wear dress wey nor reach knee come! They do fine fine, long long attachment.

When i been buy that my wig, Iya fela nor tell me say the wig nor dey heat resistant!

Na everytime i wear this wig, enter sun, e dey shrink!
Anor know if na to put am for water or kukuma keep inside fridge!


I look round see say no male applicant knot tie come! One even wear fine, black, turtle-neck sweater and black trouser wey nor reach grand! Him shoe too shine abeg! Affit see my teeth inside! *choi! Money good e!*
This one just come interview for formality, he don get the job already.


When the staff wey interview me say we will get back to you, me sef don already know say na lie! The way he take dey look my wig, don already give me idea!


With all those fellow applicants wey follow come interview but na different doors for the office dem dey enter and comot!


Dem dey code, use sense to come check their candidates!


Wah dey see some staff dey ask two other ladies, what's your name? Are you here for the interview? Mba na cement they come carry!

I carry my bag go find where their canteen dey!

I balance chop three wraps of Garri and Egusi soup!
I position my wig near fan before I enter Lagos sun wey sabi roast hair!


Na so I reach Oshodi, I be wan climb bridge but the Garri wah chop, plus the job matter just heavy my mind and leg!


I see as people dey cross, na so me sef follow cross the first lane. I be wan cross the second lane. Na im one good Samaritan man hold my hand and help me cross!

Choi! I say so good people still dey this Lagos. We reach the other side, I say make i adjust my bag, uncle nor gree release my hand! Wetin happen?!

Na so he begin carry me go where anor know o! Oga leave my hand, nor be my way be this!


Nna ehn, na so this uncle carry me reach those bus, wey dem dey put them Hank Anuku inside fim, after dey don carry gun, kee Chief and Judge don conclude their matter for court!


Ewoooo! Abeg e! Anor kee person e! Na road i cross e!


Den say I cross road and na offence, say make i enter back of bus!

Na so I begin weep and wail e! I say anor geh family for Lagos e! Na work I find come Lagos!

Oga abeg hep me o! Anor know why you hep me complete the offence! You for jor use cane pursue me back for the first lane!


He say but na me wan commit offence so he assist Me! Na because he wear mufty anor quick suspect and escape! *kiikiikiii!*


After I don call all the names of my village people to come hep me o! Say anor wan go kirikiri o!


Na so the uncle go come, he say him oga say make i bail myself and go!


I don wear my wig and shoe, begin waka wey the uncle say Eyxx! Where you think you are going?!

I say but you say mah bail myself. He say so where the money? I say which money?!

Na my wig he first fling inside the bus! He say I dey play with him intelligence! Choi!


I say Oga anor get money except my transport!


He say where e dey?! I open bag show this man. He shook hand inside my bag begin gather my money. He say e nor reach! Say make I call my family people!


Na so I begin wail o! Chimooooo! I say Jehovaaaah, nor be wetin me and you discuss be this e! Jesus i pray before i comot haase e!


*If person tell you say God name nor get power, na lie dem give you!*

E nor reach 3minutes wah mention Jehovah plus Jesus wey this uncle say make i wear my wig, come dey go!

I say uncle abeg nor shoot me for leg, anor wan go! I go sidon e! Anor go make noise again e!


He say, Will you getat from here my friend! All these Ogbanje agents!


The race wah pick go find Mushin bus nor be here! I run like say person thief my kidney for market!

See person wey dey form intelligence! *kiikiikii*


He nor geh internal eyes, see say aget money inside dross! I laff throway leg inside bus! Mumu wey think say i nor sabi their way for Lagos!


I shake body small to confirm say my seven taasand eight hundred and fifty naira still dey intact for my dross. Na big money that time na!

Money wah nor gree leave inside house wey get Bingo, you think say na my dross you wan come thief am! You try! *kiikiikii!*


Anytime wah no sure if na one way or na wetin wetin, na dem uniform people i dey go ask first As evidence say na you direct me fa!