Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Yoga Teacher Ese Walter Explains Why Her Marriage To Media Personality Benny Ark Did Not Work

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Monday, September 12, 2022

Yoga Teacher Ese Walter Explains Why Her Marriage To Media Personality Benny Ark Did Not Work

Self named Trauma-Informed Yoga Teacher Ese Walter made a post on face book explaining why her Marriage did not work out and how she rushed into it thinking she would heal from her affair with the Pastor

Remember Ese? She went viral after she confessed to having an affair with a popular preacher..... She says her life stood still after the confession and explains why...





Her long post reads;
''Marriage was supposed to be the escape...
Shortly after the 2013 blog went viral, I left the Country.
It was hard to do anything.

Biodun himself said if I told, my life would be destroyed. I believed him. Perhaps that belief propelled me down the aisle.
They say behind every anger is fear.
My seemingly great anger was laced with greater fear.

I knew life would not be the same again and I didn't know what else to do.
Some friends turned on me, Mother said I was a seductress and wanted to bring the man of god, down.
I couldn’t imagine the shame the people who loved me felt but I can remember the silence.



I remember the shame, guilt and uncertainty that covered me like a blanket. What was I going to do with my destroyed life?
Get married. Start a family and focus there.
For someone who didn't have marriage plans before that time, I suspected it was a wrong move but I figured I could handle it.

After marriage, I didn't know how to integrate the new human that was suddenly my new family.
I saw him as a stranger. Kind of like how I perceived Father in Mother’s eyes. Father didn't feel like her family which only confused the family that they built for me.

It was as though Mother and her children were the family and Father was the bringer of things...
It took a while to notice I had created the same dynamic in my own family. My kids felt like my family and their dad felt like the stranger that sleeps in the house sometimes.

Then there was the growing resentment toward the stranger. I don't even remember why but I remember that there was always something hanging in my mind about him. Plus, when he did things that I thought were wrong, forgiveness was not an option.

I'd move out and start thinking of a divorce. It was as though if I got into the marriage to satisfy something but had no plans of building or working on it.
As my children came, my focus shifted more. I became a stay-at-home mum and did my best with keeping house matters and the little humans moving.
Anytime I complain about my partner, I hear, ‘go and work.’ Mother said he was going to leave my stay-at-home ass for a working woman one day. She said I’d soon be below his level (whatever that means)

As much as I tried to act like her talk didn't bother me, the words haunted me many times when I’d be in the kitchen making a meal or when I'm up at 2am tending to a newborn.

The gossip blogs continued to drag the blog story wherever Ese Walter was mentioned, despite Ese Walter marrying husband and birthing babies.
The marriage wasn't what I thought it would be. I was a single-married woman and if I complained, it was, ‘at least you have your children to focus on.’
I didn't get married to an adult man to now focus on small children.

I tried though. I focused on the little people, I learned about the early development of the brain, I learned about regulating one’s nervous system, I examined why I shout, why I doubt myself and how to manage my wounds so I don't bleed on my children.

The marriage didn't survive. It was actually dead from the start and finally went under. Sometimes I’d crawl back to make peace and try to be wife. I would decide not to check phones, don’t ask too many questions about why he wasn't home or where he went….Just be a loving wife and ignore those inner longings and questions. But it was hard to pretend not to feel when I am familiar with my emotions and have been since I was little.

When I left the last time, it was with no money, no plans and three children.
Life was going to bury us or I was going to win…''




*Ese and Benny married in 2014 but it packed up in 2018. They have two children.

52 comments:

  1. May God heal your heart Ese. It's not easy.

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  2. I was touched by your write-up, Ese. It's well with you.

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  3. She rushed into it as a result of her ordeal but I don't think the guy knew the extent of her trauma.
    May God help you Ese.

    The society is not fair with women and the man of motivational speaker is still bugalising his thing.

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  4. Too many nagative words and we eventually believe them and work/walk with what we constantly hear.
    Then I've noticed that in many cases we don't know how to listen and encourage someone who needs it. It is an art and so many don't have it. Someone comes to share their hearts with you and you go saying things that plunge the people deeper in their pains and trouble. If you don't know what to say. Just hold someone's hand and say say I stand with you or I'm here. It's enough. You don't have to say anything. Even her Mum didn't have nice words for her. And no she has not exonerated herself in all of narrative. She is wounded person and wounded people wound others.

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  5. She's an excellent writer.

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  6. Blame everyone and everything but the real person, which is herself.
    Where you a minor when you were traveling up and down with Gucci pastor as escort? Person husband,. You go fvck am finish still visit am for house and making a fool of his wife.. Shebi e dey sweet you as e dey sweet everyone of them that always think they're smart fvckin pastors, celeb, politicians, Yahoo boys and everything for money.. when game come cut, them go begin form victim..
    Na you mess this your husband life bcos you have refused to heal but somehow you still blame him.. na the simp I blame sha, no difference between him and Kanye West,. Captain save a h** crew..

    They'll always be shouting that the past should remain in the past but everyday the past keep messing up the present and future,. If una don't set things right with your life now and be doing you.. na hear we dey.. we no dey advice anyone again as them think say them Sabi pass us..

    Attention seeker.. na everything she must carry come online,. Na so she talk the other time say she lose interest in sex after childbirth blablabla.. everytime victim, never one day has she thanked that man for standing by her side and accepting her and her 'troubles'.. but now she's trying to tanish his image.. you stop dey fvck your husband and still blame him for looking out..

    Abeg abeg

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    Replies
    1. This my problem with Ese... she blames others so much . What she says she went through as a child is a typical naija up bringing... her parents gave her the best even after marriage till supported her but you never hear her thank you..

      She keeps throwing her mother under the bus. Even the husband. She needs to look within

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    2. In a hurry to comment and not properly read to comprehend what she was saying. She actually took accountability of her actions!

      Your comment is sooo stupid!

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    3. I am with you on this one Dante, this lady blames everyone but herself, no self awareness whatsoever. From her words, I could deduce that she expects so much from people and so little from herself.......

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    4. You just echo my thoughts Dante. People with victim mentality are toxic. I no dey near them at all at all. My principle in life is, IF IT IS TO BE IT IS UP TO ME.

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    5. There was actually one of sessions that she thanked her husband for standing by her, I think when she mentioned that a friend said something about her that is tarnishing but her husband ignored and handled it maturely.

      People here even commented their respect for her husband, mind you she was already divorced when she mentioned this.

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    6. 14:01, taking accountability no be for mouth. If she has nothing good to say about a man who stood by her when others turned their back, then let her just keep quiet.

      She comes across as attention seeking and toxic. She actually ended up messing her husband's life up (and now trying to drag her mother) yet u ppl are here striving to confer victim status on her bc una don see woman or bc she's the only one of them crying on social media.

      Let her go to God (whom she says she has stopped believing in) and seek forgiveness genuinely; then begin from their to mend her life and stop disturbing ppl who have forgotten about her. It's really that simple.

      Delete
  7. Hmmmmm, God's healing in all you going through.

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  8. She is such a good writer.
    Her experience with the pastor and reactions from ‘world people’ really damaged her mentally.
    May God heal her and remove this unending pain from her life.

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  9. Meanwhile the useless pastor preaches on. Sad how the woman always ends up with the short end of the rope all the time.

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    1. Exactly. One of the most vital things woman need is to rise above shame and guilt and society’s judgement. The system is rigged against you already, and people are ready to break you at your first mistake. ‘Think like a man’ may be a cliche, but it could literally save your life.

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    2. I couldn't agree more. As a woman, one needs to be wiser, pick your battles or should I say journey wisely.

      There are certain things I can't be caught doing or even entertaining, the results will always be blames and refered to as playing the victim, when it could have been avoided or shutout.

      I will tell you a story, I recently just started attending a Church in my street, it's a small church, I reckoned that instead of driving long distance or not going to church at all. I could fellowship there sometimes.

      Since it's small, the Pastor keeps in contact with all members and we are also encouraged to do so with one another.

      Well, from group chats to personal chats, then bday wishes to invitation to meet him at Mega Chicken or Chicken republic, which I declined, we can always talk on phone but Pastor insisted that it's an open place.

      It's amusing how he feels this things will be exciting to me, all his meetings are held there to encourage people to come for them.

      Put him straight that I won't be meeting him nowhere, I'm not a kid, he can say or chat his messages, or forever hold his peace!

      I won't be tagged as trying to bring a MOG down when I was jejely on my own.

      Even lost interest in attending the church.

      Delete
  10. Ese has been through so much, I pray God heals you both emotionally and psychologically...

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  11. She never still well sef, sounding incoherent.
    God heal you Ese, there's nothing he can't do

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    Replies
    1. Me sef tire to see comments saying shes such a good writer, wetin una read?

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    2. Lol @ Anon 12:15, I follow dey wonder wetin dem read.

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    3. She's a good writer but she needs to put on her big girl pants and understand that life happens and she hasn't got a bad deal out of life as she tries to make out all the time:

      - She had a privileged upbringing, what 70% of Nigerian youths didn't have.

      - She made a mistake and decided to "Lewinsky" herself, 24 years later, Monica is still dealing with this scandal so no, she might never live it down, it was her choice to come out, Busola Dakolo got support cos she was raped as a minor, Ese had a whole affair with a married man as an adult and outed it herself.

      - She got married the very next year after the scandal and was blessed with children almost immediately. Both of which are prayer points for many women and even men without a sordid past all over the internet.

      - I learnt she still has support from her family in taking care of the children.

      Ese should try gratitude more often and seek mental health counseling if she needs it, stop dwelling on the things that aren't perfect, nobody's life is perfect and she has had a pretty good deal in life.

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  12. Na person daddy GO she carry dey call biodun like say na her house boy so o, indeed Toto get power

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    Replies
    1. Toto strong oo. When daddy go refused to respect himself na o boy dem go call am.

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  13. She's my friend on FB, truth be told she acts like someone thats not ok mentally, I sometimes fear for her childrens mental health. She is very different, her type will thrive better abroad.

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  14.  ...i got into the marriage to satisfy something but had no plans of building or working on it.

    Very well said

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    Replies
    1. No be selfishness be that? It's the man I pity

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    2. That is ehn...

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    3. U dey mind all these ppl here blaming everybody but the culprit? The woman is toxic and is apparently not even yet ready to work on herself. Period! Let her be there writing book.

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  15. Hmmmmmmmm
    It's well Send, the Lord is your strength

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  16. She is a lazy woman abeg her husband tried, first of all how many nigerian men will want to marry her type with her series of issues and scandal? Shes mentally unstable, only she fucked pastor fatoyinbo, cos she found out she wasn't the only one he was screwing, she got mad and disgraced him, saying he decieved her, a man u know is married and u were almost 30yrs at the time o not a baby. She finished from uni and went for masters in the UK yet has as refused to work, instead she wants to be a stay home mom. One time she was saying she's now doing Uber, another time she left for India to learn yoga, she left her hubby one time, dragged him online, when I saw her with a baby I thought she had a new babydady didn't know she went back to her hubby, now she says she has cut off from her mom and dad cos they won't let her come to their house after she left her husband again, abeg ehn she's just a spoilt brat, make she gets.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for saving me the trouble. Only one woman is at loggerheads with Pastor, her husband, her parents, the world. Even her references to her children get as dem be. The woman simply sounds like a toxic spoilt brat!

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  17. when we live in a society where people are not allowed to talk and speak your truth...A culture where they expect you to be silent about stuffs like this especially about sexual matters so you are not branded loose or promiscuous. Now with social media bullys in the mix it becomes a herculean task to even heal from such pain.. may God help you heal and fine happiness again before you venture into another relationship.

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  18. Broken people break others.
    Marriage is not a therapeutic home for broken people.

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  19. She has not healed ๐Ÿ˜ข

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    Replies
    1. 'Healing' is a journey, not a destination.
      Some journeys are far longer than others, and some, never end.

      The strength that it takes to be so openly vulnerable, the wit and fortitude to look at life and laugh or cry or whatever is, personally, so humbling. I am not that strong or perhaps do not just care.

      Abeg make una no bring your bottom barrel, beyond irritating, basic average 'Welcome Ese' rubbish comments here. I am not Ese.

      I just appreciate honesty, when I rarely see it.

      Delete
  20. Its funny that no one ever saw through her victim story that she actually used her husband.

    You used your husband to mask your pain. You tricked him into marrying you.

    Funny how you are blaming everyone else for what happened to you and didn't take any responsibility.

    You dated the pastor. You were not cajoled into the relationship. You were not a minor, you were a fully fledged adult. You knew he was married.

    For goodness sake - take responsibility. You've done nothing but blame everyone. Blame your husband, blame the pastor, blamed your mum, blamed society, blame blame blame!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for this, she's behaving like all those spoilt teenage drama queens with large inheritance abroad.

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    2. Best comment. Well articulated.

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  21. But people believe fatoyinbo… guy is a womaniser

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  22. May God heal and mend ur broken heart, may u recieve the strength to carry on ese. May your mistakes be corrected and may God through his divine power take u to that right path he has destined for u.

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  23. Boss Dante one bottle of ciroc or henesy for u. Always saying d true

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    Replies
    1. One of my best commenters here - when he's saying it as it is.

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  24. Isn’t it three kids she has?

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  25. U fell in love with the Pastor, like other women who had dalliances with him, only to have it affect ur marriages later in life, while apparently comparing him with ur spouses and believing that ur spouses fell short. U used ur husband and should be apologizing to him. When u TRULY accept that u have been the architect of ur own misfortunes and go back to God for forgiveness and grace, u can finally retire from ranting and know peace.

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