Hmmm.....
SHOCKING
When we met, he said he didn't want kids, that if I was game, we can get married. I agreed coz I loved him and hoped He would change his mind.
We used protection till we tied the knot. I went on Family Planning, then stopped it without his knowledge, I got knocked up. When I told him, he was mad, he asked me to get rid of it, I refused. He divorced me straight away. I was shocked.
I gave birth, informed him, he came to see us, he decided to pay for upkeep, but my son should not bear his last name.
When my boy was of age and asked of his dad, I told him everything, and he asked to meet his dad. I arranged for their meeting, it was touching, he told his son that he doesn't want kids, he doesn't want to live in fear of what would become of a kid, he want to live free minded, knowing that when he dies, he won't leave any kid at the mercy of a cold world.
This is a Nigerian man o, from the South South, trained gynaecologist and staunch Catholic.
My son just asked that they be buddies/friends, he agreed.
Checked his phone later and saw he saved his dad's name "big dawg" with beer emoji. He has been married again anyway for 15yrs now, living free no kid, his only replica is my son turned his drinking buddy. I have not husband again since then. Kinda glad I kept my boy, he bears my last name.
WOW!!!!
What a weird shocking Narrative.... I am happy he decided to look out for his boy though.... Na wah oh...
Maybe a lot of Ladies do this as well and have men rejecting their kids without us knowing why...It is wrong to force a kid on a boyfriend but a husband that refuses his child for this reason? I am shocked!
Weird. The kind of things synonymous with oyibo. His choice, his life.
ReplyDeleteI think there is more to this that Mets the 👁️
DeleteSharon, there's nothing to it, some people really do not want kids. Live free, die free.
DeleteNawa o
DeleteYou tried to play him but you met a tough one, I am so happy it worked out the way it was meant to and no one is keeping grudges.
DeleteSometimes I say I cannot understand why anyone would not want to have kids, but imagining the kind of hurt David and Chioma are going through is not something I will wish on my enemy.
I get this your sons father, and I am happy he is even available to be in the boys life as a friend, I am even more happy your son is okay with what his father is willing to offer.
Push up (original)
I know a Nigerian who did this. Married an American woman and told her from day 1 he did not want children. I was shocked because I had never heard of Nigerians wanting this. They were married for more than 20 years and he said he never wanted children because of his childhood. The sad part was one day he decided he was tired of the marriage and quietly divorced his wife and married one Nigerian woman who was a grandmother. The wife was blindsided. He even sold the house. After more than 20 years, she returned to her family with no children. She is such an amazing person and did not deserve that. I learned that if a man or woman say they don't want children, they often mean it. If you want children, don't get entangled with such people because they told you in advance. Stop hoping to change them. I have met more Nigerians with this belief.
DeletePoster be happy.
DeleteNawa
ReplyDeletePoster glad he divorced you cos if he didn't, you would have had more than one child feeling smart with your cunny self.........mtchewwwww
DeleteWell....some people are just wired differently
ReplyDeleteWow!!! Its good he's taking care of his son
ReplyDeletethis your ex is a terrible person, since he has decided to take responsibilities to pay your son's school fees please just let it be. Maybe someday he will change his mind and accept to be his father.
ReplyDeleteHow is he terrible for his life choice? The woman is the terrible one here.
DeleteHe's not terrible per say. His terms and conditions were spelt out. No one was under force or pressure to agree. Poster accepted and said she hoped he would change his mind. It's not as if the man changed along the way, no. He has been consistent in his words.
DeleteThe poster is the terrible person.
DeleteThey had an agreement.
The man is a very kind man to even take responsibility.
Not wanting kids, is a choice, he made his stance clear, but she got knocked up anyway, so what makes him terrible?
DeleteSee Africans? How is he a terrible person? You are out of your mind to call him a terrible person just because he doesn't want kids. Do you know his reason? Can't people just live their life as they please without you judy creatures dictating how a grown human should live his life? She knew and she agreed but went ahead to do whatever she wanted, and you dare blame the man?
DeleteBlack women always trying to change men that they did not create, and you wonder why we are the race with a lot of baby mamas with kids turning out to be criminals without proper home training?
How is he a terrible person? It is what he wants. If you tell some people that you want only 2 kids or only 3, believe me some would say you are terrible. 2 is too small.
DeleteThe same way some love animals, some don’t just dislike them, they hate them. Life is different for everybody.
Excited, stop being sentimental. The man was clear about his desires. Thinking he would change his mind and become sentimental about a baby later isn't guaranteed. My mom told me about a woman back in the day whose husband divorced her cos she got pregnant with a 4th after he told her he was done with child bearing. A medical doctor. He took his children and left her.. We, mostly women should stop taking things for granted too much. It might boomerang in our face.
DeleteWhat's terrible about him? He clearly told her he doesn't want kids but she deliberately took in. She's the terrible one. The guy still went ahead to be involved in his son's life financially but here you are, judging him. The sooner Nigerians accept the fact that some people do not want the trappings of marriage and kids,the faster we can grow as a people.
DeleteHow is he a terrible person? She was aware of this before marrying him.
DeleteWe should learn to respect people's choices, she could have opted for someone interested in having kids.
Is this not how people marry Gays and lesbians or date people who aren't interested in marriage thinking they'll change their mind later on, Bible urges us to let our yes be yes and no be no
He is not terrible, he did her no wrong.
DeleteHe is far from being a terrible person, he is actually the opposite.
DeleteHe was kind enough to be upfront with his choice, poster is the one who chose to deviate from the initial agreement they had, yet he takes care of that child in his own little or not so little way.
PEOPLE
DeleteSTOP
TRYING
TO
CHANGE
PEOPLE
LEAVE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT ALIGN WITH YOUR GOALS ALONE!
Very narrow minded, judgemental lot. "Terrible" because he has made his own choice? Do you honestly think every man or woman wants children?
DeleteLike how is it possible that every body will want the same thing?
If not for the pressures of Nigerian society and the dirty, judgemental statements of people like you, SO MANY NIGERIANS WOULD PREFER NOT TO MARRY SEF, TALK LESS OF HAVE CHILDREN.
Thank God I kuku no dey look face.
The man is honest
DeleteIt is wrong no matter what
ReplyDeleteHe said no. You should have respected his decision or gone your way
It’s his son though. Accepted or not. But you wrong for that and his Catholicism or profession is not the point
Thank you for this comment.
DeleteVery shocking indeed,how can a man decide not to have a child ?
ReplyDeleteNothing shocking about that
DeletePlenty have made that decision
The same reason why some have 10. And some have 12 from different women. Everyone has what they want in life.
DeleteThere are those who don't want kids, only in Africa is it a big deal!
DeleteHe divorced her, and been married for 15years without a child. Do u think its everyone that wants to be a parent
DeleteThe same way a woman can decide to terminate a pregnant she feels would affect her future
DeleteSpeechless 😲
ReplyDeleteBig dawg,lol. But it's good he let you know first before committing .I'm sure deep down his heart, he's glad he got a child because if not,he won't sponsor his upkeep and education all the way to the abroad.
ReplyDeleteReally? Or maybe he’s just being good to the kid
DeleteHe doesn't want to show emotions and be attached to his son but dee down he loves and cares for him.
DeleteHe's just a selfish person in his own way.
He's not selfish if he paid for his son's welfare. My aunt did this, husband was okay with 4 kids, she do wuru wuru born 2 more, no be say she dey assist financially or she too dey responsible, very selfish and careless woman, thank God for get husband who still did his best for all of them.
DeleteShocking
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteDats all I can say
There's one film Ebube acted with one guy that does not want kids and she got pregnant, the guy left the marriage and the kid. Don't know this is true life am reading here.
ReplyDeleteIt is well with you. It is not weird., maybe he has gone through stuff.
It's entirely her doing. The audacity of her to force a man into something as big as fatherhood. Deceitful woman now trying to play victim.
ReplyDeleteNo mind her the man is the victim here.
DeleteUntil you women realise it’s not just your choice but the mans as well to birth kids ,unwanted children go continue to full everywhere . Your egg alone cannot make children it takes the mans sperm as well hence he has a say too
DeleteThe Nigerian lie of " you can change a man"
DeleteIt is actually becoming more common these days, at least in the West. I haven’t yet decided if I want to have kids. Some days it’s yes, on others it’s no. I raised my siblings till they became adults. I feel like I have already been there and done that. I just can’t start the entire circus again. I think I’ll start trying in a couple of years or so. If it happens so be it. Otherwise, it will be fine. Let nature decide.
ReplyDeleteYou are already responsible for him (I mean the dad). What more harm can accepting him as ur kid cause you?
ReplyDeleteI was looking forward to your comment, cos you the same thing this woman did, stopping the family planning without putting the other party on notice, of course you won't blame her for that, instead you'll try to find a way to drag the honest man. Birds of a feather.
DeleteGood you aren't a hypocrite tho.. some would drag the lady even tho they do same
So even if she had dragged the lady you would have called her a hypocrite. Obviously no woman can win with you Dante. I pity the woman that tries.
DeleteMany were brought up to see part of marriage as making babies
DeleteI no blame u sha. Na me wey dey honest with the things I post here I blame. I no blame u at all.
DeleteIt's good u kept the pregnancy, but it's wrong to trick this man into becoming a father that he specifically told u that he didn't want to be,he told u from the initial tym, why did u go against the agreement, it's not fair, u did him dirty, now u have gotten what u wanted, face ur kid and dnt complain
ReplyDeleteOh well
ReplyDeleteIt is what it is
It's wrong to force kids on anyone, he was sincere enough
ReplyDeleteThis life no balance
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing that he is taking care of him. You were wrong to have reneged on the initial agreement. You should have left him for someone who wants kids since you wanted kids but it's a good thing that he cares for the boy. You are just lucky. Some men would abandon you and the baby. I hope some ladies learn from this. Don't think you can force a man to accept what he already told you he does not want.
ReplyDeleteYour son is very understanding.
ReplyDeleteIt's OK that he doesn't want kids.
Thank God you got a son 🙏
Keep praying for there are deeper dimensions to things not seen. 🙏
Exactly
DeleteWeird!
ReplyDeleteI know of a doctor here,a gynaecologist to be precise,old man but no wife,no kids only a girlfriend that he earned not to get pregnant.
Madam he's taking responsibility for his child.
This is strange. Weird being. I know of a man that wants only one child. His wife gave him five children. They later divorced.
ReplyDeletePoster, take solace that he takes care of him and they are friends too.
Poster, see how people like you make men look bad to the world.
ReplyDeleteWhen he divorced you, I'm pretty sure people will drag him and his wife.
You know in Vegas, a hotel cleaner once stole a used condom of a young millionaire tech guy and impregnated herself with the sperm then sued for child support and won..
DeleteAsin he didn't even sleep with her oh and she didn't even deny that he didn't.. and he's paying massively cos she filed using his millionaire status.. this happened in 2019..
This are the kind of simp laws that supports bullsh!t.. instead of them jailing the lady they're actually rewarding her for theft
Dear poster, there are people like that, they do not like kids. Some might question why he pays upkeep but won’t accept the boy, let me tell you, in his mind he feels he is doing good for humanity, it is money he would have spent to help anybody go to school. Stop waiting for him to change his mind, he might never, so don’t raise your hopes. I have read so much on this but mostly from oyinbos, some running into their 80s and they would tell you they do not regret not having a child. If in doubt, ask Oprah winfrey.
ReplyDeletePoster
DeleteMake peace, accept the kind of relationship the man has offered (friendship, financial support) and REST
It is very wrong to force a kid on a man. You're lucky he agreed to look out for the innocent kid, some men won't and I won't blame them. You also did well by being honest to your kid as to why his dad wasn't in his life.
ReplyDeleteIt has nothing to do with being a Nigerian man or not, stop trying to sound silly, he told you what he wants you either accept or not.. just the way many people are not interested in getting married with the way it's been messed up now, is also how some people are not interested in having kids..
Honestly, with the kind of peace I have now, I will protect it at all cost, than to bring in someone that'll come and be giving me stupid dramas daily and be making me go crazy because I want to go with the norms instead of enjoying my sweet life..
Happy New Month..
Strength to those going through pains💞
Hmmmmmm
DeleteI can relate bro
She is not lucky
DeleteThe man is just not an arsehole who sees financial responsibility as an option rather than a duty
I believe if he had denied and block you on social media or not to sponsor him I don't know what could have become of you,you never respected his decision you forced it on him. What do you what us to do? Still trying to play victim.
ReplyDeleteStill single cause I’m yet to meet a man like this. Most people think I’m weird or have fertility issues
ReplyDeleteMe too sis. Maybe we need to form some group, I do not want kids too, but open to marriage and not the better for worse shit. Marriage we can agree on routine review and walk away if and when the terms are no longer valid.
DeleteI'm on the same page with you ladies. We need that group
DeleteAww... I really pray you guys meet men who wants what you all want
DeleteBut you knew what he wanted onset, so why agree to the union when you want a different thing. Glad he is taking care of the boy.
ReplyDeleteThings are happening in this world sha , some day when I read a chronicle here I just open my mouth waaa . Anyways I finally got an I'd and I'm commenting ,,I don't know if my comments will be published though
ReplyDeleteIts shocking,but I learnt early to respect people's opinion and stand.
ReplyDeleteYou tricked the man, good on him for divorcing you ! He was clear from the beginning about his wishes and you decided to breach it .
ReplyDeleteWomen and our nonsense I love him and I thought he would change , that’s how we enter relationships with all the flashing red lights and think we can change the man , I mean how?
Yes ooo. It is erroneous to believe you can change them. Always believe their actions. When they show themselves, you better believe it.
DeleteShocking as it is I kinda understand his concern. Sometimes even me as a woman I also reason I do not want to bring a child into this wicked world. When I look at the hardship, the injustice, the whole stress I feel like it's not worth bringing in a child to experience.
ReplyDeleteBut kids are the cutest and sweetest thing in this whole wide world, and it's the cycle of life, how God made it. So anytime I find myself thinking that way I quickly rebuke the thought cos I don't think I will forgive myself if I don't bring in a little mini me into those world.
But he went too far.
For sure He is weird 😂😂
People get mind for this life o
He didn't want to have a child. Why did you agree only to renege on your promise? You could have left to have a child with someone who wanted kids. He was honest. You were dishonest.
ReplyDeleteI pray he comes around and bond with his child.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Omo for xoxo not to support a lady, e mean say poster your own loud oo😂😂😂
DeleteI totally understand the Man, Children are a very big responsibility and they bring a lot of change in your life. Most African people won't understand because they always say "Children are blessings from God " no they can be a blessing or a curse
ReplyDeleteGbam! In Africa now, they are mostly curses really.
DeleteYou tricked me when he clearly told you he wants no kids. Abeg I no pity you. It's the innocent child I feel for.
ReplyDeleteI so much love this family, in as much as we have funny, and educated illiterate, we also have literate and educated literate.
ReplyDeleteI do learn alot from you guys ..thanks so much.
When I read through all the comments, I realized that, no one is ok in this country, myself included.
Anyways, there is nothing bad about his choice and the terms and conditions was clearly stated but she thought he was joking, hence, decided to be pregnant.
Aunty, be happy he is taking responsibility of the son but on this note, we should always learn to accept people with their terms and conditions.
I have a friend who said he doesn't want a child, all he needs is to be free, enjoy life and that's all. Guy man is doing well and till this moment, baba never born and he has being married for over 6years.
We move
Hear this today, when people say they do not want kids they always mostly mean it.
DeleteHmmmm this one is weird to me, it's for your gain that you kept him.
ReplyDeleteWhen a man tells you what he wants,believe him!No amount of manipulation or arm twisting will work.If you decide to forge ahead,you take whatever comes with it.
ReplyDeleteOh well, it still turned out fine for all involved. Poster, you would have respected the man's choice.
ReplyDeleteHe is actually a selfish man. Since he didn't want children why didn't he do vasectomy? He wanted the woman to be pumping herself with hormone and body altering drugs
ReplyDeleteHe doesn’t need any vasectomy just respect people’s wish and keep it moving. Nigerians hate truth
DeleteYou deserve every inch of that divorce.
ReplyDeleteVery terrible thing to renege on an agreement just to satisfy your own desires.
Very well deserved.
Things are really happening 😧😦
ReplyDeleteWell I don't tink have ever had sometin like dis before but only in white man land..one of the ultimate reasons for going into marriage is to have kids n rise a family....Well it may be easy for the man,cus he had it all planned out b4 now but trust me it won't go well for the woman.... especially in Nigeria our kon3...Only what people would say will automatically makes her Change her mind....So dear I don't blame you...
ReplyDeleteWahala no too much??. He must have had a terrible experience for him to turn this way.
ReplyDelete