STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TIRED! TIRED!! TIRED!!!
Good Day Stella ,
I’m typing from a place of hurt and tiredness. I’m 26,single and trying . But I’m tired , I’m tired of trying to make money , I’m tired of trying to grow , I’m tired of being in the same place .
Stella I’ve tried , God knows I’ve tried , I quit my job in 2018 at the age of 19 when my dad died after not being paid for 4month . Stella I’ve tried , relationship doesn’t seem to be working out and the business I’m growing seem just enough to pay my bills . I try to send money home . I’ve 2 younger sisters and an elder brother that is not trying to work but I’m trying my best .
My mum called me today reminding me of how I’ve been staying on the island for 4 years with no achievement. Stella trust me I’m very dedicated to my makeup business and I’m growing but she feels it’s not enough and I have siblings to take care of and I’m supposed to be married.
Stella my friends have it all , travelled overseas and all but I can’t even boast of a boyfriend that can help me grow . I’m tired,I’m tired and I’m tired . My siblings think I should change my line of business but with what money ??? I don’t even have any help , no family , no boyfriend, no help …. I have yo strive hard to pay my bills in this difficult Nigeria.
My mum called today on my way to a job telling my how I should bring a boyfriend home next year to marry but really ?? Can’t a woman have dreams of her own ? Can’t I believe in making money by myself …
It just feels like God has forgotten me and only remembered my friends. Trust me I’m beautiful and all but it feels like nothing is working .
Pls don’t tell me I’m rushing … I work really hard , my mom is a serious Muslim and I can’t even wear trousers or body con to the house to see her …. She keeps insulting my mode of dressing as what us hindering me from having a husband.
Is it a crime that I want to make money before marrying?? And the right guy is not even forthcoming….. Stella I’m sad …. I’m very very sad…. I’m tired .
What can I do ? I don’t know what to do ? Give up on my business??? Or what ??? I’m just tired (don’t worry suicide is not an option) but I just feel like God has forgotten me even with all the prayers . I’ve dated some guys but they’re not who I want to end up with . I go the gym to keep fit and to keep my mind sound but I don’t know if you understand I’m just tired .
I’ll stop here cause I don’t want to bore you but pls post …. I don’t even know what to say I’m just tired of believing in myself when others are making it and my mum won’t stop reminding me that I’ve not achieved anything and how my mates are married …
To be honest I feel like I’ve tried everything and my strong will not to give up is fading away . I’m tired of crying myself to sleep and wondering if my business will come through ( I make some money monthly but you know how bills can be and helping your siblings that can’t help themselves in school can be ) the money is not enough but I’m thankful. ….
I’m just tired ( I’m not comparing myself with my friends) but can life just be better ….
I’m just tired ……
I’m just tired ……
Your mum is the one making you feel like this? OH MY GOD!!!:
Why dont you cut off contact with her for now? stop taking her calls and block her number but still continue sending home what you can until you are of sound mind and finance....
Block off all the negativity.....
Dont' give up. Keep working and you will smile soon. Your mum and siblings are old enough to take care of themselves, they should do that. For your health and mind's sake, you have to cut them off and focus on yourself. Tell your mum that marriage is not an achievement. You should also consider changing location and line of business or diversify your business too. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteBut you don’t know their age
DeleteShe’s 26 so I’m not sure why you assume they are old enough
Anon 15:44 So what if they’re not old enough? What fckery is this?? Her mom is not financially capable of caring for her own kids she brought into this world so it’s the job of a young lady that’s just starting her life with unnecessary pressure should be the one to care for her mom and younger siblings?!? Women, only have kids you can cater to if you’re not financially capable!!! It’s not fair on the kids!!! Poster should let her mom know she won’t pick up her calls for some time because her calls sends her to a depressed state of mind! Poster your mom is so so wrong! It is not your responsibility to cater to your sisters!! You’re just starting your life for goodness sake. This is the time to save as much as you can and send the little you can to your family if you’re able to. See how this is affecting you to your detriment of your own health. Stop picking your moms call for a good 6 months to 1yr and focus on you and your future! This will send her a message to stop the ridiculousness! Your mom don live her life oo remember that and this is this path she chose! Now you’re making effort to live your own life and she won’t let you be. It’s time to woman up like the 26 years old that you are else she go dey control you even after marriage!!! For how long? Put yourself first for once. Successful people are selfish because they’re focus on their own goals and what to make it in this life. There’s no way you can achieve with this your current state of mind! Ps: start applying to jobs again if business is slow. You can do your make up business on the side and find a full time paying job. Print out your resume and ask these your friends that travels every year. They should have some sort of connection. Be honest and open up to them. Your mom no dey try at alllll because she’s putting her own frustration and who knows maybe her own lack of fulfillment on you! Be very careful young woman.
DeleteAnon 15:44, you mean a 26 years old can have a family of their own and be responsible? Once you are 16, you are old enough to take care of yourself. Those who do, don't have two heads but one. If you keep spoon feeding them, they will never do anything for themselves.
DeletePoster, your mum said you have siblings to take care of? What is her job as the parent? Why pass that responsibility to you? If she cannot pray and support you, cut her off. Your elder brother isn't doing anything and she is ok with it but feels she should push you into selling yourself to a man in the name of marriage so they can milk him dry too. You better act your age and wise up. You'll be surprised that even the siblings that you are stressing your life over will be the first to cut you off in future if they become more successful. While it's nice to help, don't let anyone put you under undue pressure. Save money, buy land and build 1 bedroom apartments which you can let out. Think of other ways to make your money work for yourself instead of earning and spending it all. If your expenses are taking up all your earning, you need to find ways to reduce them. All the best.
DeleteAnons 21:42 and 17:42 👌🏾This wicked mentality that you are responsible for siblings when you haven’t found your feet is affecting me till today in my 50s though I was on the path of success as a teenage graduate! Parents should only birth kids they can take care of. Your sibling is NOT your mom or dad. They have to sort out their own lives first. One rich person among 10 poor siblings is THE POOREST. They will use you and dump you later.
DeleteStop the brainwashing and emotional abuse of kids in Naija culture! Stop putting pressure on your adult kids or the more successful ones to the point of either ruining their lives or their emotional health! Stop birthing kids with the wrong mindset of having others, even sibling take care of them. Many rich people have just one kid so why do Nigerians keep breeding so much that Lagos alone has the population of Sweden, Denmark and Norway combined with 1/20th of the infrastructure, landmass and GDP?
Even Namibia with the huge landmass has only 2.5million and you can see their beautiful country on YouTube looking like the west!
Stop feeling entitled to your child’s income or your sibling’s income. Stop feeling like you owe your parents a pension, the society or the goverment or their employers do, not you. Anything you are able to conveniently do to help anyone is a gift to them, do it. Don’t feel pressured or obligated. Kids start working minimum wage at 16. Yes there are few jobs in Nigeria but American kids don’t exactly get cushy jobs at 16 either. They get jobs in car wash, at eateries etc and combine it with schooling so they don’t ask their parents for money for stuff. Even those with affluent parents. Yet my own family expected me to fund three (3) generations; parents, siblings, siblings children etc and when I stopped jazz was let loose! You can join protests online or in person against non payment of salaries! Some of us get angry at Naija looters because WE subsidized their corruption with our sweat (in the lives of parents owed pension)!
I detest that mentality. It’s wicked as my own folks years ago had no idea that many times I borrowed to give them! It’s too much to bear! Very wicked mindset. My neighbors here gave 2/3 kids in big mansions with no hangers on and have built more wealth than us because our parents laid a reckless platform of birthing more than they can struggle to care for! Take care of yourself and tell any sibling over 16 to go and sell gala or be a daytime housekeeper or cleaning maid! It’s what their mates do in developed countries. Apologies for my typo but this was me almost 30 years ago except I had graduated with a very good job which they never allowed me enjoy or invest and which I resent them for decades later! None of them talks to me now, after milking me to the maximum and using me as a ladder!
Your mom like my mom & in-laws is wicked! Be prayerful as she sees you as her “forever slave”!
Aww poster ehugs. I pray the peace of God locates you. I understand you and to be feeling like this at 26 is just so sad. Breath in dear, take Stella's advice; keep your mum at a distance. Don't call her and don't pick her call until you stop feeling this way.
ReplyDeleteYou need to avoid negative n keep holding up..About your friends, can you pls be happy abt them and the fact that they are in your life. Don't ever think, God loves them more than you,. At least you have a Job that can pay your bills, that alone is an achievement. Some people of your age are still waiting to be fed by their parents. Some are married and are not happy. It's not about getting married o. Don't allow your mum push you into marriage that you will be unhappy.
ReplyDeleteMost of my friends are doing well. Infant they travel in n out of the country. Does that make me sad? No. Am glad I have them. Pray that God blesses the work of your hands. But you have to be appreciative. God loves a grateful heart. In all of your work, try to put some money aside. No carry family problems for head o. You need to keep improving yourself and love your self first.
Na wow oo.
ReplyDeleteGosh, to be young and 26. Real success does not typically reach the average 26yr old. You cannot base your life off social media ppl. You are steadfast and persevering which are great qualities that all successful ppl possess. If makeup is your passion that is what it is. Makeup is saturated now, so competition is fierce, so you will have to hone your skills to make yourself stand apart, which means you will have to excel at every different type of makeup, from weddings, to pictorials, fashion shows, tv/movies, and everything else. Educate, educate, educate, practice, practice, practice. Apply for jobs in places you think you have no chance of getting in, learn to take risks, put yourself and your name out there. Fortune favours the brave.
ReplyDeleteIt seems a lot of Nigerian parents have this mentality...so it's no surprise that the number "career" choice for men and women seem to be yahoo and runs, respectively.
ReplyDeleteWhen she and your dad were procreating, you weren't there to consent to taking care of their kids. You will have your own kids in the future to take care off...let her take care of her own.
Your siblings should find side hustles to do in university, to offset the expenses. Why are they sitting on their hands, waiting for you to make their dreams happen??
Please tell them...."everyman and women for themselves, and God for us all".
Poster never give up the best is yet to come no condition is permanent. The feeling is not easy.
ReplyDeleteThat's how these mother's push their kids into rubbish life,. Part of the reason prostitution and yahoo keep increasing is these mothers..
ReplyDeleteYou don't owe your siblings, you're not their parents, you're not the one who gave birth to them, what you're doing is a favour, they're not entitled to it.. the earlier you understand that and make them understand this, the better for you..
See ehn, if you involve yourself in rubbish just to be able to care for them, anything you jam, na your head you go use carry am, even your momsi sef would curse you for being stupid and bringing shame to the family..
But if na overseas and living baby girl life style dey hungry you like your friends, feel free to go do BBL come go get one babalawo/Alfa/pastor wey go dey help you run your ogume for you to fit trap one SIMP.. na that your family wey you do am for go be your first victim of ritual las las..
Make your momsi and siblings go work..
You, just do wetin your power carry and lock up.. life na per head las las
Nothing to add. Poster read this. Read it again. Read it again till it sinks into your brain, heart, and body.
DeleteGod bless you Dante,I didn't even read to the end. See poster you do not owe your siblings anything, if you do for them it's from a place of love.
DeleteIf you need to change location pls do but I tell you that you are on the right track striving and pushing for a better tomorrow, a good man will find you at the right time just stay focus pls.
Poster pls or all the comments here,this is the one you should read and read and read again.If you go and do anything stupid for anybody,including your parents,you will bear the responsibility alone.I always tell people,your primary responsibility is to yourself and your immediately family(kids and husband if applicable)the rest is secondary
DeleteDante wordddd. Gbam
DeleteGod bless you Dante
DeleteTell your mother to give you some space PLEASE. She is not a good mother and she is failing in her responsibility as a mother. Her mates are setting their children up financially. Connecting them to super wealthy men to marry in her case she is busy putting you under pressure to train your siblings and get married. Are those children not her Children?, why can't she take up the sole responsibility of training them?. I don't like insulting mothers but she needs to be spoken in a language she understands.
ReplyDeleteMy dear SPEAK UP. Ask them to leave you alone to sort your life for now. As per Marriage, I hope you read Empress Njamah post yesterday on what desperation for marriage lead her to.. Take your life back. You! first before anyone else.
1. Block your mum's number
Delete2. Start applying for jobs and make your vocation a side practice.
3. Pray, pray, pray. Prayer and hard work and continuous learning gave me my breakthrough. I made 5 million maia the year from teaching online and I am still open to upskilling. I used to earn 35000 air as a teacher in my previous job.
4. Marriage or relationship is not a cure for loneliness. Alot of people are married and miserable and lonely.
5. Work on your circle of friends. Link up with friends that are upward mentally and career-wise.
6. Search for freelance jobs on platforms like fiver a and upwork
7. Download the pdf don't of this book, your twenties, why they matter. I am in my thirties and I found it useful.
8. Develop some reading nhobbies, suchas, novels, comment section of popular websites, taking long walks and hanging out with decent folks.
Shey u have been online this past days and seen the mess alot of celebs have gotten themselves into because of man matter. Now that is the celeb we all know to you don't you ever compare yourself to any of your mates, you don't know the battles they fight.. from what you wrote I will advice you to develop your self, if man don't support you my dear hustle,be dedicated at what you do, there are places you can collect loans to grow your business. Take care of your responsibility before thinking of boyfriend or man to help you. The men out there also need support too na. You can make it without a man.... I hate to hear ladies feel they can't acheive things without a man.
ReplyDeletePoster, in anything you do, sha don’t take out any loan. Start applying for 9-5 jobs and grow your business on the side.
DeletePoster. Just do you. Don't allow the views and opinion of anyone frustrate you. You are your own standard. Don't allow anyone pressure you. You are 26 for godsake! You have a whole bright future ahead of you. Trust me when i say that you are doing fine.
ReplyDeleteI remember when i wanted to study medicine but i had to give it up for another course that will allow me hustle and train my younger ones as well. I spent years loving for others. I was making money but i was training 2 of my siblings in university as well as sponsoring myself. A time came when people started mocking me for my seeming stagnation. But i didn't care. I took it all in my stride. Yes, i may not be where i want to be in life now. But i can confidently take pride in the fact that I've done well for me and my mom and siblings. I still foot my bills and that of my wife and 2 sons. I kept believing in myself.
Don't give up. Do what you have to do for your siblings but at some point, you'll need to cut them off for a while. They need to fend for themselves. You want to work yourself to death? Yes they will feel it for a while but they will still find a way to survive without you. You need to start putting yourself first.
More importantly, take off your mind that you need any boyfriend to help you. You can do this on your own. A man is just the Cherry on the cake. Everything will work out fine in the end. It always does.
Good one
DeleteGifty
Your siblings are not your children poster. I am not saying you should abandon them but don't also let their issues consume you. Sounds to me like everyone is just standing by and waiting for you. What if they didn't have you as a sibling? Won't they still live their lives and get things done?
ReplyDeleteMake them understand the situation of things and that you can not continue like this because it is affecting your well-being. I guess you gave them the wrong impression earlier.
You need to think more of how to better yourself and your business; take refresher courses, advertise online more, etc.
I wish you the best.
You are not responsible for the upkeep of your younger ones. You didn't ask your parents to have them. You can't kill yourself for them. Stop letting them put you under pressure.
ReplyDeleteAlso stop comparing your life with anybody's life. Even our Bible says " God has given to everyone different measures of grace" take your own and be happy in it.
If you can relax a bit, you will see that there is something in you that you have that no one around you have.
How I wish my younger 51 year old sister whose expenses I have been bearing, whose kids fees I have paid, who I opened a boutique for among a long list of things will read these comments. She was still yelling at me on phone last month that I didn’t build a house or buy her a car recently after funneling tens of millions over 30 years! Very wicked and entitled mindset. Cut that mom off and have any sibling over 16years go and sell pure water or hustle too. They will abandon you once they squeeze you dry. Find your feet before trying to help anyone. Even on aircrafts you are advised to fix your oxygen mask before helping your baby or child! Such a horrible mindset. Sometimes I wish there was SM blogs like this when I was your age! I was used and abused from my teenage years by folks with the mindset of your family members. Focus on yourself and when you make it you can help. Otherwise you will never reach you potential.
DeleteWhen you are at the gate 9f your breakthrough, everything always go haywire. Keep hoping and please don't stop praying or believing on God. He knows about you and cares so much about you, just keeping waiting on him, your appointed time is nearby.
ReplyDeletePoster, be grateful to God. Don't let ingratitude destroy your great future. Nobody is having a perfect time in this world. Don't be deceived by the goodlife you think your friends are having. You don't know their battles. Stay grateful and positive.
ReplyDeleteBlocking the negativity is the answer, else you won't go anywhere forward.
ReplyDeleteI just tire..are your siblings toddlers that they can't hustle for themselves? You need to start looking out for yourself. Even the bible says love your neighbour as yourself and remove whatever is in your own eyes before thinking of helping your brethen. I believe you wouldn't be this worked up but for the responsibilities you're taking up.
ReplyDeleteSee, I know you love your folks and it shows you're a good person but also know that they will they will be fine if something happens to your enemy(not you in Jesus name).
If you enjoy what you're doing, keep at it, keep building and getting better. Also keep praying but please keep your family away from you especially your mum till you can stand firmly.
Wishing you all the best.
Poster, I feel your pain, because your friends are doing well in life, you think you won't make it and progress in life? Hmm, take your mind off it and start talking to your creator about your concerns. Start commanding goodness and prosperity into your life. Also, It is time for you to get closer to God.
ReplyDeleteThe bible says he who believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. We live in a world that is chaotic, messy, and oftentimes, scary. People disappoint us, hurt us, and we find ourselves facing many hardships. This verse guides us to finding peace, comfort, and hope. John 3:16 reminds us that there is an eternal glory awaiting us beyond this life of pain and sorrow. It is an important verse because we are reassured of a God who loves us so much that he would sacrifice even his beloved Son so that we could have life.
Sometimes we do not know that God is trying to block all loopholes that might cause problems in the future and so we think God has forsaken or forgotten us. Poster, I want you to have it at the back of your mind that you already have God's favour, you receive God's favour by faith, and you must release your faith for God's favour.
You can start by having a 3days white fasting and prayers. You can do that in your church if doing that at home will get you distracted. I want you to focus and rededicate your life to God. Have faith and believe that God will turn your life for around for good.
Can u explain how u were 19 in 2018 and now 26 in 2022?????
ReplyDeletePoster congratulations on your hustling spirit.
ReplyDeleteBut na you dey taya yoursef by yoursef
STOP
The comparison with friends.
STOP
Carrying the heavy load of family on your head. Think it. If you die today, will that be the end of your siblings?. By the way, can't they hustle to support what you can easily afford to give them without tiring you?
With the trailer of dependent siblings you are pulling, God is saving his sons from you. When you free yourself, you will see men around you because you would have stopped instinctively / unconsciously rejecting men or selecting men by what you cannot or can get from them as you may likely be doing now.
STOP
Wearing what your mother does not like to visit her. Wearing what she wants on days of visit to her will no peel off your beauty
Just reassure your mother when she starts. I don hear dey quench plenty talk.
FIND
Extra legal stream of income. Can you add teaching make up to trainees, middle man between your clients and other service providers, party decorations, etc.
Best wishes.
Mr. Mann
Poster why don't you give your mum an assignment to find you a husband since you have not been able to find one. Please do not give up in life, as long as there is life there is hope.
ReplyDeleteIgnore what your mum says to you, tell your mum you will have to distance yourself from her if she doesn't stop reminding you of all she has been reminding you. Everyone is working hard to make money.
Yes poster,life can be better.but first,stop complaining.stop being tired and be grateful you still have life.Alot of young people are not even alive today.pls let's be grateful always to our creation,he has plans for everyone of us.
ReplyDeleteYou can avoid your mum for sometime,while you focus on making your life better.pls do not rush into marriage if you haven't found the right one.
Pray,he hears and will perfect all that concerns you.lots of hugs dear🤗
Listen! You are doing well! Perfectly well. Don’t worry. Your mum is responsible for taking care of her own children. Not you! Get that straight. Your siblings should hustle the same way you are hustling. Keep working hard. Your breakthrough is coming. Don’t give up.
ReplyDeleteParents wey fit make up they expect their children to make am, e easy na em they themselves no make am? Anybody wey pressure me I cut am off.
ReplyDeleteGbam. Make poster just tell her mama straight up that it’s starting to really really affect her and if she doesn’t stop, she’ll be forced to cut off communication with her for a long period of time until she stops. Her mama should encourage her because it goes a long way in children’s lives. It’s really getting to her to the extent of now sending chronicle about this. She’s lucky she’s not home with her mama. Some are stuck with their craze mothers. Poster you have the control/power of how you’ll handle your mom that’s so far away from you yet you you’re stressing yourself. Na wa oooo. It time to start putting her in her place small small oo. You need to focus on your life, save save save as much as you can for you and your future family especially your kids! Don’t go into marriage with no money oo hmm. Some men( and women) dey show women(and men) shege for marriage because of money.
DeleteI loathe parents like this!!!!
ReplyDeleteNext time, ask her what she has achieved and why she didn’t marry the Prince Harry she’s so desperately nagging you to death for!
Remind her that you’re brave and strong, which led you to pursue your dreams, put self out there to hustle legitimately whilst still taking care of your siblings (her responsibilities by the way!!!). Cut her off for now, focus on you! Don’t let no bile nor gall, especially from your so called mother get to you.
Empty barrels are the loudest!! They themselves can’t do shit nor have the balls to hustle like you do but want to shame you to settle to be a housewife like her!
Block her and focus on your craft!!
You were already working at 19, girl you’ve got this!!! Don’t give up, make sure you put videos or makeup tips and hacks on social media,…you never know who’s lurking for an MUA
Worddddd👍🏾
DeleteNa you carry family load for head nau. So if u weren't alive, your siblings will not survive?
ReplyDeleteYour mom gave birth to children she can't cater for so she's the failure not you
Gbam. Taking out her own life frustration on her innocent 26 year old daughter. Take out the emotions of she’s your mother(it’s a form of emotional manipulation/blackmail) for now and fight for your life. Now is the time, else you’ll find yourself like your mom when you eventually get to her age; angry and frustrated. The cycle continues. Please break it now, for your sake and the future of your own family. And by God’s grace, hard work and dedication, you’ll break the cycle of poverty. Goodluck
DeleteMany naijas are on this table. They live vicariously through their kids and siblings putting pressure on them when they were not consulted before birthing kids! Carry your kids to your state governors’ lodge to protest looting & lack of social welfare and stop denoting the destinies of those trying to climb up!
DeletePoster, if you don’t put your foot/feet down today, and face your mom like a grown ass adult that you are, you will continue to struggle, watch. Money that is not enough, you’re dashing out because the people you’re dashing it to decided not to hustle like you. I mean what sense does it make? Seriously sit down and reflect on this. No be the time to help out family now because you can’t even fend for your own self!!! So what exactly does she want from you?? 🤷🏽♀️ na wa oooo sho.
ReplyDeleteIn all you do, please check your blood pressure! Because This type of pressure from your family fit increase BP!
ReplyDeletePoster go and find your happiness. At 26 you should be enjoying life but you allow people you call your own to pass on the buck to you! When you now marry, you will carry husband, mother in law, sisters in law, brothers in law join. At 40 you will be looking like 60! You can assist and help out; but not the way yours is sounding. You are still comparing yourself to every other person that has boyfriend, that has travelled abroad, that has married. Right now the way you are going, you cant even see any thing good about yourself. When will you finally be free my sister
ReplyDeleteCommenting for the first time just to encourage you to not give up, keep working hard and to listen to Apostle Joshua Selman’s teachings. Take a day off for you and God and do that, listen to understand and pray to hear from God. Do this sincerely and while waiting, wait in patience and faith
ReplyDeletePoster do not feel bad at all. Delay is not denial. YOU ARE STILL YOUNG. I got my first real job at 27, got married at 30 and had my first child at 31, second child at 36. All the while, life wasn't a bed of roses but not once did my mother discourage me. Now I'm almost 40 and doing very well with no regrets. Don't let anybody rush you. Your are already doing your best. LET GOD DO THE REST!! Much love!!
ReplyDeleteYour siblings that dont want to work are asking you to change the line of business. Tell them to go and search for their own line of business, in order to support you.
ReplyDeleteGeneral Nsogbu