Good day. Please I need advice on how to stop a man that verbally abuses his wife by using words like "fool, you're senseless, you're an idiot" during misunderstanding. I believe one should be able to air his or her grievances and settle misunderstanding without calling names.
My marriage is 6 months and I'm 3 months pregnant. Anytime he is angry, he throws those words around and apologises when he's calm promising to change. I used to exchange those words with him initially but I stopped bcos I didn't grow up that way. I just used to throw his words back to him by saying "husband of a foolish wife, no be you marry an idiot woman etc" I don't do that anymore.
When our marriage was one or two months, I sat him down and communicated with him that I don't want to raise my kids in such environment. I don't want my male children to emulate that toxic act and I don't want my female kids to think it's okay for their husbands to treat them that way. He promised to change and he changed for a while. He made this promises when I missed my period, and for the past 2/3 months now, we have been settling misunderstandings without being verbally abusive.
Two days ago, we were watching TV and gisting concerning elections, then he sparked up again. When he said those words, I reminded him of his promise to change and told him to stop but he kept going on while I kept mute. I've not been talking to him since that minute and it's two days now because I am still very ANGRY and he has started apologizing but I still never said a word.
I now cook only my meal, eat and sleep in a different room. I hope he will change for good with this my way of going about it. BVs, pls I'm pleading with you to help with the best way(s) to go about this. I have reported him to his mum before (very sweet woman and best MIL on earth) and she spoke to him but it seems that did not work. And his mom is the only person he listens to in his family.
I got to know he grew up in this environment when I visited his village. That evening, I was inside when I heard a loud noise outside only to see that it was his father shouting on his mom to "shut up", "bloody fool". The man (a retiree) was just going on not minding my presence while mum just sat quietly in a corner.
They're both close to 70 years old. That was when I knew I had entered one chance but it was too late as I had already done court marriage. Our marriage is an inter-tribal one and his village is far from my place of residence; and that is the reason I couldn't visit his home before the registry.
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My husband is a very responsible man: hardworking, a provider, domesticated, empathetic, put my needs first etc. but this is just his only flaw that I can't cope with. I also noticed he is a little bit spoilt because he's the last son. I'm the one that has started reworking some habits in him. I want to have a peaceful and healthy home for the sake of my kids. Thank you.
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My husband is a very responsible man: hardworking, a provider, domesticated, empathetic, put my needs first etc. but this is just his only flaw that I can't cope with. I also noticed he is a little bit spoilt because he's the last son. I'm the one that has started reworking some habits in him. I want to have a peaceful and healthy home for the sake of my kids. Thank you.
Ewo!!!!......Let me read comments cause aside from asking you to leave him for a while to see if he will change, i dont have any other advice...
I think you should always walk away when he starts that madness. Don’t ever call him husband of idiot bla bla bla. If na me I for dey return the energy 2times
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
🤣🤣🤣 at “return the energy”
DeleteThere’s no need replying him, you said he has listened to you before and adjusted for a while. That alone shows growth. Remember he has learnt and have been this way for over 30years of his life, it will take some time to unlearn his bad attitude.
My advice is; speak to him the same way you did before, this time around he has to go for anger management classes (professional help)…since he is apologetic he will do it to please you.
He needs therapy to provide him with other options on how to handle his anger.
Children are sponges and only pick up what they hear, so the earlier he starts the better.
Push up (original)
Poster, there's no perfect marriage anywhere rather all marriages require work to sustain. So long he is a responsible man and he is willing to change why not engage in therapy with him but especially for him then you both can watch his progress.
DeletePlease try make this one work since he is cooperating to change.
May God bless your home.
Poster just like what shuga girl said, their is no perfect marriage, keep telling him you are not comfortable wit the insult and he will change. Make your marriage work
DeleteYea walk away and you can as well threaten to leave his home if he doesn't desist... (theis works especially if you are a help meet financially) or you threaten to report him to the police or human rights violation cos he his psychologically abusing you, Trust me he will control his tongue.
DeleteThis*
DeleteWOW
DeleteThis flaw is difficult to amend or live with. Well, if he makes conscious efforts he can reduce the frequency but e go tay small before it leaves his system.
ReplyDeletePls let me share my story....when I first got married, we got into an argument once and my husband poured his cup of water on me. I cried like a baby because I had never experienced such before. We spoke about it and he apologised, only for him to repeat it during another incident. I now knew it was a thing I had to quickly address. That day, I waited till 2am and emptied a whole bowl of cold water on his head as he slept. He woke up so scared shouting Jesus's name. He has never tried it again since then.
DeletePoster whatever you do, do not do as anon 19:47 did. He could beat you, also it can go horribly wrong. He could have a heart attack from fear and die.
DeleteStella, I agree with you. I also don't have any advice because I would say, divorce him but since it's not good to tell someone to divorce, I will keep quiet. I don't really know how you can change an abusive grown man with a family history of abuse.
ReplyDeleteShe should go on ahead and ask for a divorce since she outrightly just said that she can't cope with them derogatory words mbok
DeletePoster,E hugs,I really dont know what to say,than continue to correct him,old habit takes time to die.
ReplyDeleteAwww you sound so sweet and like someone that doesn’t like trouble
ReplyDeleteBe yourself. Don’t change because of him. I think he will learn slowly. If he starts using rough words, just walk away
Sorry dear Poster.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, old habits die hard. He will need significant efforts on his part to deal with this habit. He needs to see it as a problem too before he makes the effort.
Since you have reported to his mum, I suggest reporting to a male family member he holds in high regard, preferably outside his nuclear family (as I assume his father’s behaviour would have impacted his siblings also).
If you do this and it doesn’t work, my next suggestion is ignore. Kill every conversation as soon as he drops an insult. Just stop responding. If the conversation was important, you continue later.
That’s not much, but sorry you are put in a position where you have to retrain a grown man. Training kids is hard enough; an adult will be an uphill task.
Whatever you do, don’t respond with insults. It’s obvious your hubby is like some people we know, that are well versed in giving insults. You would be contributing to the problem, despite being the victim here. Also, you don’t know how far he can go and whether woman-beating is part of his faulty programming. Just don’t.
Cheers and don’t allow anything or anyone bother you mentally. You are with child and you need all the good energy you can get.
Mystic
No Wahala. Just keep bringing it up whenever both of you are happy and sweet together. It is bad but not intolerable for the time being because it will take a bit of time for him to fully adjust and completely wean himself off that trait. Focus on those other amazing qualities he has. You didn't enter one chance, my dear. You can still help him keep working on it by making him keep promising to improve as often as you can. It will eventually sink since he is a responsible, decent and loving man. Don't do the reminders when he is already in the act.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your marriage and safe delivery.
He won’t change. Just bear in mind that it might reduce but the tendency to go back to factory reset is high. It’s a bad spirit thingy.
ReplyDeleteGod’s protection 🙏
Let me tell you the truth,it's painful,he will never change,he will only get worse,either you chest out and leave your marriage,or you apply the D.E.E.P method don't discuss with him when he is angry or has mood swings,don't engage in discussion that would trigger insults,don't explain things to him because it may lead to insults,don't personalize the insults he dishes to you,if you can live the rest of your life under these rules,I will say congratulations in living a life with a narcissist.
ReplyDeleteAny small thing una go begin shout narcissist.
DeleteYvonne O you too you don see am? The popularity of the “narcissist” has led many people myself included living in paranoia. Please, let’s stop that!
DeleteAnon obviously doesn’t know what narcissism means yet he or she is diagnosing poster’s husband.
A person that is in love with you won't insult you either jokingly or when he is angry,he won't want to hurt you verbally or otherwise,a man in love won't make think twice about his actions towards you or bring down your low self esteem,anybody that claims to love you, talkless of a husband that stands to insult you roundedly even when you have cautioned and appealed to him to stop such a habit,and he behaves as if he won't insult you,but goes back to insult you the more,is not in love with you,he is just pretending to be in love,talkless of when you are carrying his child,thank God poster isn't my sister,she would explain to me whether the health of her unborn child and her mental health as well as her being alive isn't more valuable than a man that is seeking to make her miserable for life,the mother inlaw with time will get tired of her complaints and tell her to endure the son as she is enduring the father in-law,toxic people don't change,they only pretend to change to suit their selfish needs. I was once in her condition mine came with insults plus beating till I learnt about the pattern of a toxic partner,employed the D.E.E.P method and got my grove back,at a time I left my matrimonial home with pregnancy.pregnacy preeclampsia is real,protect yourself and your unborn child.
DeleteYvonne O,and Annon 18:26, read in between the lines,if possible take a course in human phsycology,on toxic behaviour,and family pattern, his father exhibited and is still during same to the mother inlaw,you should know an apple doesn't fall far away from it's tree. Please read up and educate yourself properly.
Deleteit is up to you to draw a line on what you can and will tolerate. I will suggest a separation for now. he needs to know you are serious about his verbal abuse negatively affecting you and your children. now sit down and think about this, can you spend the rest of your life with such a man?? Mind you, most verbally abusive men become physically abusive after some time (most, not all) draw the line now and take ACTION. that man isnt going to change (his 70 year old father is still like that)
ReplyDeleteI don't think there is a remedy in Nigeria oo. Other than to work it through with a certified marriage counselor but this may not work because men are not built to change unless there are consequences for their actions.
ReplyDeleteThere was a movie I watched, can't remember the name on how men were enrolled in classes against wife barter, failing to attend will mean jail time, it's an old American true life story.
Unless something is at stake, he won't change, I pray you get the necessary help you need.
If I find the name of the movie I will post it, I'm very sure it will help.
DeletePoster, the name of the movie is "Unforgivable" it was made in 1996.
DeleteAlso should you decide to go for the marriage counselor please ensure its a man that understand the importance of ale mentorship.
Good luck 🤞
It's available to watch on YouTube
DeleteThanks Bee Hill. I have downloaded it.
DeleteYour hubby's badmouth na followcome! Don't talk back when he is in that state so it doesn't turn violent. Whenever you guys are in a sane mood, keep discussing that issue. Acknowledge his strength before pointing out how his badmouth kills your good vibes. If both of you are Christians, use what the Bible says about the power of the tongue to address this issue.
ReplyDeleteExactly!! Na follow come. Its in his blood. He will never change. You either accept him like that, or you leave. Does he even love you? How can you be calling someone you love a fool. You don enter one chance cos he will get worse.
DeleteYou have two options baby girl: stay in the marriage and hope for the best, or leave the marriage.
ReplyDeleteSorry for all of these, poster.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing that you don't respond to such anymore. Keep talking to him about how he should stop this bad habit when you both are in a happy mood not when he's in the episode already so he doesn't hit you.
Ask him if he'll be happy if your kids start behaving this way (God forbid). I believe that will keep him thinking and in check. Pray for him as well. Your home will be sweet by God's grace. Amen.
Sorry for all of these, poster.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing that you don't respond to such anymore. Keep talking to him about how he should stop this bad habit when you both are in a happy mood not when he's in the episode already so he doesn't hit you.
Ask him if he'll be happy if your kids start behaving this way (God forbid). I believe that will keep him thinking and in check. Pray for him as well. Your home will be sweet by God's grace. Amen.
How often does your family go to church? Formative years habit die hard except by constantly hearing God's word. How often do your family listen to messages from great preacher? You can leave that on repeat sometimes especially if it speaks about character formation and family? Lastly, see a therapist. I mean you both
ReplyDeleteIya Nimi
With an Abusive 70years old Father,Chances of him changing might be impossible But then there is nothing God cannot do.
ReplyDeleteYou should continue cooking for him but Can continue avoiding Gisting with him.
I Hope he changes !!!!
Nigeria is already Hard,Adding an insultive spouse is Horrible
Don't keep malice or avoid him o.
DeleteUnless he fears God, it makes the window of matrimonial conflict wider for anything to enter.
This is a serious issue, I absolutely hate toxic environment and cannot thrive in such a place. My parents never raised their voices at each other not to talk of adding insults to it hence being in such an environment as an adult would be difficult so I understand your predicament very well.
ReplyDeleteFor now forgive him since he’s apologetic (keeping malice in marriage isn’t healthy at all) but be very assertive in your communication with him, let him know the next time it happens you won’t take it lightly and would not hesitate to remove yourself and unborn child from such toxic environment.
If your family stays in same base with you, next time it happens pls leave and give him space for some days, he should get the message.
For him he’s just venting his anger but such words have very negative effects on your mental health and self esteem so I won’t advise you to endure them.
P.s
I don’t think it’s a good idea that you stopped cooking for him over it and stopped sleeping in your matrimonial room. Same way it’s wrong for a man to stop providing for his family/wife over little misunderstandings.
Life is too short don’t let the bad days stretch espy as you said he’s a good man.
This chronicle just described my partner. We are not married yet but have a child together. The man cannot change just as my own can't change. The only solution is to endure and focus onhis good side because mine is also a good person. Sometimes when I complain, she will say she doesn't mean them but the words are very hurtful. I get angry more because I don't
ReplyDeleteAbusive men don’t change. It will only progress to other forms of abuse.
ReplyDeleteHe has so many other good qualities so I believe he can change and will change.
ReplyDeleteIn the heat of the moment don’t remind him about it
Only discuss it with him when he is in a good mood and tell him how much it hurts you.
Ask him would be like his children to be doing the same thing?
Shalom
He isneither domesticated or empathetic, if he was either he would never say those words to you. On top of it the marriage is much too young, and I fear for the future when the new wife high is no longer there how he will really treat you. Only he can change, his mouth is his own and until he decides deep in his soul that those words are damaging then he will not stop.
ReplyDeleteThere are three methods u can use
ReplyDeleteNumber one is prayer, it can take a while, but with patience and consistency God will touch his heart
No two is to do nothing about it, don't let the words get to u, with time u will get used to it.
The third one is anytime he throws those hurtful words at u, keep mute, just wait till when u get angry at him on a different thing hurl the same insults at him and add new ones to it, he will be so angry with u, and when he complains make him understand that u are giving him back the same way he gives it to u, so if it hurts him, that means u are hurt too.
So choose wisely carefully
*paprika*
You see this your number 2 and 3 advices is how toxic environments are created/enabled and fostered and should never be encouraged at all.
DeleteFrom hurling insults at him, then he gets provoked and probably hits her, now verbal abuse has graduated to physical abuse.
Is that really the type of environment that poster should create for her children to thrive in. It’s a big NO. Pls no form of abuse should be encouraged or enabled in any measure.
I don't think he will change. It will probably get worse and may escalate to beatings. He grew up that way and don't see anything wrong with it. If only his mother stood up to the dad, this would have been avoided. For her to take it until they are 70 years, it means he is not going to change.
ReplyDeleteIf you want sleep in the other room, he will still not change. He has gotten you pregnant and feels you will not go anywhere. Call his father and report him. The change starts with his father. Let the father correct the son and also correct himself through that way.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Poster, kpele. You’ve taken a good step of not returning the energy anymore.
ReplyDeleteTruth is, it will be hard for him to change.
Options:
1. Do not stop cooking for home etc. when he steps out. Make food and let him know food is in the kitchen when you are done cooking. I won’t serve him food or ask him what he will eat. Make food- whatever you like to eat. Make enough for 2 or for storage on the fridge.
The reason for this advise is this, at the early stage of my marriage when things get bad, I switch to an individual mode, but my husband keeps the marriage mood e.g buy things for two, drops money for whatever I had asked for before fight etc. That my dear healed our marriage not to break down further from the core issue. Gradually I took the cue from him. Now, if we are having issues no visitor that visits can ever guess. Because we run the home normal. That my dear is a great asset for any marriage.
2. Never engage in any conversation that will lead to arguments or strong opinions.
It will take time for you to learn the ropes . Don’t beat yourself up when you forget and it degenerates into a shouting match.
If he wants to know your opinion about something you know you guys will disagree on, tell him you have nothing to say. Let him know it’s because you don’t have strength to be insulted. Please don’t allow him to convince you to engage in the conversation. No matter what he promises. Respond with ‘my dear free me’.
Old habits requires so much training to leave an adult. If you can keep this energy for at least a year. You will see a big difference.
3. Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom on how you can cope. NOT how you can change him.
E-hugs
Your advice is on point 💯. God bless you!
DeleteTwins ♊ Squared
Take this advice and see your marriage work dear Poster!! This is so spot on!! Read and re-read it over and over, copy it if necessary print and paste it somewhere around the house that you can see and read some more daily!!.. Never try to exchange words again because, the tinniest and frequently used words (Abusive) may turn out to be the worse when it is coming from you and depending on his mood, he might mistakingly slap down your pregnancy!!
DeleteConcentrate on his other wonderful side but, don't ignore this abusive side as well.. Maybe, when ever he is in a good mood and ask you for something, kindly say things like 'Okay, I will do it if you stop calling me names' or like... 'You see,, I can be sweeter than a senseless, dumb, crazy etc Woman'... Just always try to chip in that part until it begins to sound like an anthem in his ears!! Lol
Good luck Hon! Your marriage is still young,, protect it with wise councils.
Ms K.
Poster he might love you but you are a liability to him. Maybe he provides 100% for the home, send money to your folks or take care of your loved siblings. If you were a bank manager of oil company director, trust me he won't even try it. My advice to you is get busy and make your own money.
ReplyDeleteWe both work and no, he doesn't provide for my family apart from in-law gestures here and there for my mom and sis.
DeleteMy mum even dash me money and sis brings gifts whenever she visits. Thanks
You have a point, poster of you are a full house wife is time to wake up and get busy.
DeletePoster there is nothing you can do about your husband’s attitude cos is an in built something. He got that from his father who hasn’t change.
DeleteThis is a lie! An abusive man is an abusive man regardless of the situation that warranted it.
DeleteTwins ♊ Squared
Poster make your own money.
DeleteFunny how we think earning woman do not have this type of
Deletemarital challenge.
Habits die hard.
Poster, learn the triggers and avoid them. And quickly apologize if you know you did wrong. If you know you didn't do wrong, leave remind him of his promises to change as you leave the vicinity "please let me get something from the room" type of explanations.
I remembered when I married newly, husband man was like this,I told him to stop o, reasons,my mouth too na bomb and if I start no going back,we can also do the insult outside and in front of another body no shame again..he thought it was a joke,so one day we were with his friends and he throws one and I returned it back,his friends laughed at him😂.. since then up till today 7years OGA stopped..
ReplyDeleteHe also throw things at me then,I will throw mine back immediately no time,he was surprised that I didn't just sit and take everything and he stopped..
If he respects u,he will stop, don't blame him too much since it was how he was brought up but don't keep quiet why he insults u cause this was his mum was doing and that is why it never stop even at old age..
If he says u are stupid,call him a mad man..
It depends on the man o. An imitator man can be stunned by reply. An ingrained man has more counter reply. Moreover, You have tried reply without success.
DeleteDepends on the woman. Are you a fighting match for your husband?
Verbal can quickly turn physical. Poster, if you know you are not physically a match for your husband. Don't take this advice. I was in my kitchen once when the neighbors female and male relatives started exchanging gbim gbim punches like boxers. And the male ran out with the female in hot pursuit asking him why he was running and to come back to fight. That female will retaliate to a attack by her husband. She has trained at home. Poster are you trained for a full verbal and maybe physical fight? If yes, take this advice @17:08
This is exactly what worked for my husband. At first I’ll cry and cry saying that this is not love blah blah blah. Anytime I cry, it’ll give him more power to insult me. That’s when I start giving it back to him hot hot. It got to a point that mine was hotter. The negative side is, it messed up my self esteem as well but with time, he stopped o because he sees that I no longer cry and it was starting to also affect him mentally. It’s been 7 years now and we both have stopped completely and I actually don’t find him interesting like I used to anymore. A lot were said that damage me a lot that I don’t see him the same anymore. He never showed this side when we were dating!. I’ve gotten so strong that I don’t really need him emotionally anymore. I had to force myself to detach from him because that was his weapon he was using against me. I keep reminding myself that, if this man truly loves me, he won’t stoop down this low to insult me. I’m so focused on myself now that I don’t really have time for arguments anymore. Like poster, he’s also good with the kids and domesticated and my kids love been around him. So for that reason, I stayed plus it’s much easier to raise them together in the same house plus our kids are growing and understanding heated arguments so I had to completely stop. Na him dey look for my attention now and I’ve just lost interest. So if your husband get sense, he better force himself to stop! , You are not his mom and don’t ever be like his mom because that gives them too much power! You need to be assertive with him! And if need be, shout and give him hot hot. Then he go know say woman different from woman and you’re not his mom!
DeleteIt’s either you loose your self esteem or become verbally abusive and he would definitely insult you in front of your kids
ReplyDeletePatterns Patterns, I’m certain if you ask about his grandfather you’ll get the same feedback. Now, he may have the best intentions and his apology sounds like someone who sincerely wants to change but he has no control over this. You may give him the silent treatment and he’ll conform for a while but go right back, darling if you don’t take care of this your male children will repeat same behavior not bc they’ve witnessed it but bc it’s not physical. Darling if you reading this prayers can break this pattern in his life, ask God how to deal with it. God bless
ReplyDeleteMa God give you strength to carry through my advice is that you commite his heart to God , there is nothing Baba God can not do in Prov 21 :1 The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.
ReplyDeleteIs there anything hard for the the lord , . Be patience with him and be consistent in prayer for God to touch his heart.
It is well with you ma
Your husband needs therapy. It will be easier if you live abroad. There are great therapists here that will help you both navigate through this.
ReplyDeletePls just take him to a therapist!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advices. I have taken note of all. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteBecoming verbally abusive is usually a sign of frustration. Sometimes it is the man trying to suppress the partner. Whatever viewpoint you take, verbal abuse from the man or woman is wrong. I used to be one. My wife would always try her best not to respond and I knew she had a very venomous tongue. Until she started giving me a dose of my own medicine. I didn't like the taste of it. So I was forced to adjust. Now when we argue, I stick to just making my point without being abusive. Trust me they can frustrate you enough to want to lash out but resist the urge cos it is wrong to be abusive. Always be civil. Always.
ReplyDeleteGbam. Poster needs to give him hot for a little while before he gets it. All this you’re the husband of a fool is not enough. She needs to find something that will hurt him deep and she shd also detach for some time and find new hobbies to do/make friends. That shit is damaging to one’s mental health and if poster’s always keeping quiet, for how long? If she can’t do this, then she shd take a break from the marriage for the sake of her pregnancy because she doesn’t need this type of man around her! He shd pamper her and care for her for Gods sake! Some of these men sha. I ended up with a man similar like poster’s husband and I had to show him shege for him to eventually stop. The negative side is, the love no longer there because it went on for yearssss. So brace up poster, it’ll take time for him to eventually change if he’s willing to change. Goodluck.
DeleteI have never commented on this blog before but I feel I should because I can relate to this post and my case is a positive one.
ReplyDeleteTo give a little context, I grew up in a very civil and loving home where even shouting at each other never happened while my husband grew up in the ghetto of Ibadan (if you know Ibadan people you will know they can wake a dead person up with insult and noise). The first time it happened, I felt like I was having an out of body experience so I was speechless but I didn't react. I just sat there praying to God for grace because that's all I could do to be honest. When everything settled, I sat him down and explained how his behavior was not acceptable letting him know how he cannot expect respect if he cannot accord me the same. He was truly sorry but didn't change overnight but I was persistent in letting him know how I felt and praying to God for wisdom and grace to deal with the situation because I hate toxicity with my entire soul. He was always truly sorry (this part is very important because he has to be willing to do the work by himself). We also discussed and identified the triggers for the behavior as time passed.
I noticed he started working on it by walking away from me when he starts getting upset and I gave him that space to cool off. We also spent alot of time around upbeat and positive people with like minds (i.e happy couples). When he is calm, we discuss the issue and resolve it.
During the pandemic, my mother in law (she is a widow and fully dependent on my husband) called me to thank me that her son no longer shouts at her and she knows it is my handwork. She was soo grateful because she felt helpless in the past as he is the breadwinner and she felt her silence in her marriage made him that way which she regretted.
So poster, your husband has to be willing to do the work because only him can change that, if not carry your bag and run fast!!
All the advise, you all give.you want this girl walking on eggshell in her house. Babe you may need to be a zombie to him. Since u want the marriage. Men like this rarely change. Find new friends and separate your friendship from his. Be kind to his friends but have your own life. It ll allow u ignore him if u choose to stay in the marriage
ReplyDeletePoster I don't even want to ask you if you didn't court with him ,did you see signs on phone calls nevertheless.
ReplyDeleteMy own concern is this early stage of pregnancy,how will the poster cope considering the fact she is pregnant, she will need pampering,pettings and all that it's going to be a long journey , poster what ever you ll do that will not give you BP in this condition pls avoid it . It's a matter of concern big one in this your condition, however you know you can cope without you been down pls try and explore all the options till you give birth ok
Safe delivery remember we re here however it goes do inform us to know how best to offer words of encouragement and comfort
Pls paprika that your number 2 and 3 don't offer it as an advice to anybody that needs serious solutions , that's how anger harbours resentment,deep sitted malice, transferred aggression and in some cases you hear that a wife has killed with AA kitchen knife.
It's not easy to be cheating insults from someone you called a significant other