Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Sunday, March 12, 2023

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmm.....




STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
A STORY TO LEARN FROM..

Let me tell you about my Ex. we have known each other for 4years and finished marriage class. He loved me mad and was at my beck and call but I really cared for him but was not in love as it ought to be. I was more financially put together and throughout our course of situationship i was 99.9% footing the bills because i chose to. I also felt he was doing all this (extra love, attention, care etc) because i was generous, had financial upper hand and never had time for relationship but Work!!!. 


When i ask him why he loves me, He says i am too generous and got a good heart. whatever he wants he indirectly says it, i code and give him and i do not regret it. I left work 2019 because i was so stressed, falling sick too frequently as a result of stress and needed a break, moreover i had saved so much to continue my lifestyle for the next 6years without managing but i invested my money in those scam investment channels after being convinced by a respected friend and it got blown off. 

Before this i was preparing for a Professional exam and moved to stay with a friend at Ajah, he comes 3-4 times a week from Ago to come see me.

This guy earns 350K monthly, his only brother stays with him, pays rent of 500K per annum but 3 years i have been loaning him money for rent. when he was pushing for marriage, i decided to see his bank statement to understand how he spends his money and we plan how to manage our income best, he never gave me access. i was curious as to where his money goes as he doesn't drink, smoke, no social life but he runs short of money. 

During the end of our marriage class, we were openly informed that our husband will change, i told them never will he change. When we left church and driving I asked him, if he will change and he said he will change that was i not expecting him to!!! 

I couldn't believe what he said, i didn't even bother to drop him home, told him to find his way home. Sincerely deep down, I always felt I did not know the real him, you know this perfect guy everyone sees and knows ,hes perfect so if there’s a problem everyone will blame you. He has NEVER EVER gotten angry nor raised his voice at any time- No cappin.

He started acting up as I never showed signs of marriage things, I have never introduced him to my family as my Man and he wanted to seal the marriage as quickly as possible, so I asked him what’s the budget he has and he said his mum has promised to borrow him 500K and his mum’s sister committed to sponsor his wedding some 7/8 years ago. I thought he was joking but girl he wasn’t. 

I told him, he will never borrow to marry me nor will I sponsor my own marriage. He knows I do not want a public wedding. My ideal wedding is; go to church, pack gift and food to handover to family members after the church blessing and vow which will happen on a Wednesday during Morning Mass. The traditional done in my father’s house and we settle Elders in the village – Nothing more, nothing less.

I completely warned him to not bring up marriage until he has his own money. I set out to start job hunt for him, re-did his CV, started preparing for interviews finally he landed one, help him negotiate better pay and he was to resume in April 2022.

During this period, A mutual friend I knew through him came into Nigeria and needed a short stay and I obliged for her to stay with him and his brother who has never worked. But he said His mum will make a big issue out of it. I told him she will be fine if she knows I agreed to it.

This friend started staying with him and running all the feeding cost for all (3 person) in the house. She helped get the brother a job with ***** bank when his training date was near this boy became someone else, did unprintable things so he doesn’t work which the brother ,my Ex queried him for. Immediately he called his mum to report that a lady was living in the house. His mum threatening Fire and brimstone to come from Delta to Lagos to kick the lady out and embarrass her, she insulted this friend and mocked her. (Now this is a friend he vouched can and will always be there for him even give him an eye if need be) I got to know her better and can truly confirm she’s a true friend closer than Blood.

Unfortunately, he developed Diabetes during this whole saga with his family, his Blood sugar reading over 500. When he called and informed me from the hospital, I was devasted and scared because my Dad just passed away a year back from Diabetes complication. He was scared but we weathered the storm as I am conversant with Diabetes meals etc. In 11 days he blood sugar crashed to 87.

Doctors and specialist asked how he did it without drugs, I made his meals Breakfast, lunch and Dinner. I had serious issues with my Brother inlaw for this because I stay with him and barely cooked but now cooking 3 times a day, different delicacies for only one person with his Gas, kitchen utensils.

I honestly knew I was his strength then, you could see from his eyes, the fear and hopelessness. This lady was running around with him from one diagnostic center to another while I went to market and made his meals as he fed Mostly vegs in swallow form, etc I was extremely careful so his meal isn’t contaminated to avoid purging as he clearly eliminated every carbs, sugar etc Luckily since then till October ending his blood sugar never got to over 100 highest I knew was 97

One fine Sunday morning, she called in distress, i rushed to his house with bike. His mum got her number and said things any mother should never utter. Ahhh!!!

I found my Ex on phone with tears flowing and only uttering Maa!!! I collected the phone, heard his mom wishing him dead, disown him to say at least, I informed her of his medical situation but she didn’t care at that time as she was too angry.

 I switched off his phones and we drove out to get his mind off the toxic situation. I encourage the friend as I’m confident he won’t send her out. Got into the car (he has a company vehicle) Ex and I, he said, Babe I agree with my mum; a single guy and single girl should not be living in the same house. WHAT WILL PEOPLE SAY? 

I lost it and asked him who the hell are the people. This guy told me let ask people for their opinion. What??? I told him to take me back to his house and I asked this lady to please pack out in a week’s time, she was shocked at the sudden change of mind in less than 30mins of we just stepping out.

She broke down and told me, she’s having medical complication and haven’t done the surgery and she has shortage of blood. 2 times in a week someone comes from Cameroun to donate blood for her as her Blood group is rare.

A church friend scammed her of two number digit thousand dollar and she doesn’t even have 10K with her and my Ex is the only one aware of everything she’s going through as her best friend and confidant. I looked at him and asked him, if his aware of all these and more I can’t write, he affirmed in the positive. 

My heart sank, This lady 2 years ago, was renting a house of over 2million and doing well.

I immediately called my Mum and asked her to give me the financial support for my Relocation plan (Unknown to anyone except me and Ex. I will get and bear all the financial burden of our relocation) I hoped to get it within my immediate family as Mum sent 4 million, I called everyone I know for Agents number (house hunting in Lagos is officially the most stressful process anyone can ever encounter) Lord have mercy. Once arrangement was in motion, I switched on his phone, immediately his mum called, I picked and told her to give me the grace of one week for her to move out and she said by Sunday 7pm if she does not get confirmation that she has left her son’s house, on Monday we will see her and it will be bloody. 

The shocking statement she made was our friend was already dying, she will speed it up. How come she knew this lady’s unfortunate woes yet adamant for her to leave. I quietly excused myself and Ex. And told him Never will I marry him as hes from a heartless and toxic family, he is controlled by his Mum. He didn’t say anything.

I trekked home, recollecting every little thing I overlooked or ignored. She finally moved out on Sunday and guess who frequents her house? you guessed right lol. To round up!!! I kept cooking for him but later stopped when he started treating me with subtle disrespect. Informed me he can’t come upstairs to pick his meal that I should be bringing it down stairs huh! I saw all the writing he wanted space and I gave him. 

He started the new job but didn’t inform me, No calls or text until he needed my car as he was yet to be given a car. I still gave him as it was just parked at home did all the necessary servicing for an efficient after he returned my car, he did not speak to me again until almost five months when he heard I have gotten a job again through that female friend.

 We started going to church together, bought me meal twice to office but it was very evident to me that his intentions were only strategic. I completely gave us boundary o. I fell ill two weeks after resumption of work, Doctor requested I suspend driving as a result of the terrible traffic along Cele- Ago palace. he offered to take me and bring me to work since we work in the same location both different area and live close by. 

During the 2 weeks, the Friday, I opened up to him about my salary that I was earning around 460K which was lower than what I was earning before but I needed a job to get my life back. This guy on Monday morning sent me a text he is going to a Refinery and never ever picked my call, read text or messages I sent. I saw him on traffic at Oshodi on our way to work and I deleted his contact details completely.

 I felt he knows, He is now earning more than me – I might be wrong but I wish him all the best in Life. Our mutual friend is in Germany and handles us separately perfectly well. I do not discuss about him and hope they don’t too but either way all the best.

Was I hurt, Yes because I missed the only friend I ever had for 4years plus, I try to avoid him, But I can tell you when he ever hears I got a new and better job, he will come running… I have accepted him for who he is, I could be wrong but I will not blame anyone or seek out pity party....


*This was posted in a chronicle at different times and the whole story raises my eyebrow but I think what i learnt from this is not to let anyone use me at all..

56 comments:

  1. The whole thing is toxic. Even reading this chronicle was toxic. I can't even allow myself get into a mess like this. It's draining.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Omgggggg you are so nice to a fault. Was he using jazz on you or what? I would have taken a walk a long long long time ago when I confirmed all my observations.

      Delete
  2. I will never understand how people deliberately USE people. OP you did good cutting him off. You'll be making a big mistake even thinking of reestablishing contact with him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To be honest
      The boyfriend didn't do any significant bad thing to her. She imposed a stranger on him.

      KING XOXO MYSTERY

      Delete
    2. King he did
      He stood with his mother even against his own conscience and what about not taking care of her with rides when doctor says she shouldn’t drive after how she cooked for him when the doctor said he needed better food

      Delete
    3. Imposed a stranger to him? If I understood what the poster wrote, the lady is the ex boyfriend friend and confidant

      Delete
  3. When people start loosing their minds ehnn they begin sounding like this. Commenter pls seek help early. Mental health care is so underrated

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same way she looked online for diabetes food. You guys can also do the same. Or check YouTube and search diabetic food for Nigerians. It’ll give you more naija food options.

      Delete
    2. She’s fine
      Carry your bad mouth somewhere else

      Delete
  4. Please share with me the diet for diabetes biko. Please don't let anyone use you like that again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls I need the diabetes diet too

      Delete
  5. In this life, just do good because God commanded us to and it is within your ability. Don't expect anything from any human.
    Dear poster, don't worry. There is a God in heaven that pays. He might think himself wise and sharp, there is always a payback time. Whatever anyone sow especially in the life of another, HE MUST REAP. Don't be carried away by what you see, people surely reap what they sow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmmmmm. The guy will still come back when the Diabetes comes back. Watch out but in desperation the girl will take him back.

      Delete
  6. What the hell low self esteem of a woman is this for Gods sake. Who raised these women to worship men and have no value for themselves?? Poster stupid is an understatement reading your chronicle. You have zero self worth. You better sit up and work seriously on yourself so you won’t end up being treated like shit!!! Ahhh this is insane! You deserve every damn treatment because you lack self respect for yourself!!! 😠

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She wasnt worshiping him pls
      She was good to him. He didn’t reciprocate and she bounced

      Delete
    2. Anonymous 15:31 I never worshipped no man Dear. I was helping a friend, I go all out for my friend/s when the need arise and know I can comfortably do it without expecting anything in return from them. When I sense you think all I'm doing is out of your smartness then i cut you off completely and keep it moving. Will it stop me because one person acted this way, absolutely Not. Yes, I'm that friend everyone thinks of when they have financial burden.

      My prayer is for God to bless me and Enlarge my Resource to continue to be a Blessing to millions.

      It will always be Blessed to give than Receive. If helping my friends when they need help I can conveniently render is your definition of lack of self respect then be you Dear, let me be Me

      Thank you

      Delete
    3. So being good also equal detriment to your own wellbeing and mental health? This is a huge case of lack of self love abeg. You can be good to someone but set boundaries at the same time. Some of you woman will live for these men and in turn treat you guys like crap and seriously heart broken. Parents Let’s raise our girls better and teach them what to tolerate and what not. And let’s raise our boys to treat the female child with love and kindness.

      Delete
    4. You are reaching 19:50
      Pls leave her to do good
      You live your life How you please

      Delete
    5. 19:50 Money has never and will never be my problem. In my story up there, did you read where i ever begged for affection or love. My Peace of Mind is paramount to me; if i have something i am not using and someone is in need, i will help out without thinking twice. if not i will be restless. then imagine when it concerns someone i call a friend!!! Please Do you, if your definition of self love is stinginess and wickedness that is Not mine and will never be abeg.

      When you abuse my kindness and person, i don't set boundaries, i forgive you without you asking then i cut you off completely. My Happiness is centered in me not any human being

      Delete
    6. With time you’ll understand to set boundaries. You’re the one sending chronicle not me. With time you’ll get it. Wishing you all the best though.

      Delete
    7. 20:55 she didn’t ask for advice
      She can send her story

      Delete
    8. 15.31, relax, go back and read the story one more time! Haba!

      Delete
  7. Such sad and depressing stories I'm reading today. It's well with your soul, dear poster. We all have our struggles. They only vary in degrees. I'll send in my chronicle when I can gather myself together to write about it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Honestly this story is confusing.

    Did I hear you right that you allowed a mutual female friend to live with your boyfriend?
    If you did, then I have no words.

    Is it that you are such a wonderful naive person or you are a naive person with a good heart?
    One thing I know is, you are a good person with a good heart but you need to be a wise person.

    I pray you marry a man who loves the innocent of your heart and won't take advantage of it?

    The fact is,
    They may have fucked, and he wanted her out and he need to do that through his mum
    Or he needed to bring his sidechic and the mutual friend may expose him.

    You earn a good one, 450k.

    KING XOXO MYSTERY

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gbam. I bet you they banged each other. They’re all messed up in the head. All of them.

      Delete
  9. This story was too harsh for my brain, the toxicity is too much gosh
    U see that ur ex mothereeeh would have dealt with u assuming u married her son, how can she insist that the lady shld leave.
    U tried sef nawooh at a point ishi no na agbam popcorn popcorn
    #paprika#

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who knows what the bf told the mom. He probably wants her friend out after banging her; so he cooked up stories and teamed with his mom. Regardless his mom too is something else. Involving herself and adding more wahala to an already toxic relationship.

      Delete
  10. DEAR POSTER,
    You are such an amazing person.. its unfortunate you fell to the hands of a user. moving on from him after all the sacrifices is possible, difficult but possible... Surround yourself with equally good friends not USERS, and do not overextend your time, energy and money to people who use you. there was too many red flags that you ignored, you were doing too much in this relationship.. my experience with men is that when you do too much, spend too much they feel emasculated, they will use you and dump you. in your next relationship reduce the spending, stop footing all the bills in the relationship even if you can afford it.. hide the fact that you are saving this amount of money with your mom... poster SHINE YOUR EYE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well Noted. Thank you very much. I will be observant going forward.

      Delete
    2. I really hope she’ll listen and learn. She doesn’t even need to be in a relationship right now. Make she detox all the toxicity, focus on herself and love herself first before embarking in another relationship. A healthy relationship this time around hopefully.

      Delete
  11. My own is, where do you guys see jobs of 450k and above? As it is now, a job of 100k is impossible to get. Where do you guys get jobs of 450k? Is it in this Nigeria?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Change your mindset please. I even settled for Net of 460K because of desperation. I have people on Payroll earning millions monthly in this Nigeria. Believe in yourself, keep working & learning your craft hard, pray harder and increase your faith. You will testify.

      Delete
    2. You’ll need to network and step out of your comfort zone. Revamp your resume, network in places where you feel they may not hire your type but as long as you have enough confidence and be prepared to hear no for some time. But don’t give up and with time, with proper networking and meeting new people who can refer you much quicker, you’ll will land a job. While waiting, if you can also talk self development course/certifications in areas you want to land a job, it’ll be a plus on your resume. Also practice well for interview and show them you’re capable. If you have small money, hire a professional for additional help with your resume and interview preparation. investing in yourself will go a long way and before you know it, you’ll land your dream job. It might take a little bit of time sha or it may not who knows. This is what I did and landed a project managerial position with a good paying in a well known company. I doubted myself for so long but I said down one day and say to myself, these people only get one head and human being like me. With prayers and self development, I landed a job. Goodluck!

      Delete
  12. You were doing all that for a boyfriend, my sister you try.

    I pray you find the closure you desire

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not and was never looking for any closure. I have Peace and wish him all the best. That Chapter is closed. I shared this experience to tell the poster of that Chronicle that the signs are always there.

      Delete
  13. Hmmmm,
    Poster I think you really need to see a therapist, so as to unburden yourself. If this is all true, then you have really allowed yourself to be used even after seeing evidences that pointed to that.

    May God's grace guide you to the right path.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Do you still want him ?
    You said you can't marry from his family.
    So if he comes back will you still accept him with all this him attitude?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No I won't. That's not how friends should treat eachother.

      Delete
  15. Dont worry Poster. He will see you at the top. In his small sense he felt he used you but he did not know that he missed a great opportunity to be your life partner. Time will tell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen and Amen to moving to the Top. Thank you and God bless you 🙏

      Delete
  16. Wow, this is too long.
    Will read later, make l chop first.

    Licious babe

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a long complicated gist

    ReplyDelete
  18. Iff I dey read my holy booK d way I take read this Chronicle I for no dey sin again

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha 🤣🤣 I dey tell you man.

      Delete
    2. Me too 😄😄😄

      Licious babe.

      Delete
  19. "Was I hurt, Yes because I missed the only friend I ever had for 4years plus"

    Please ladies, do not cut off or forsake your female friends because of relationships or even marriage. Make good friends - be friends to them that they too may be friends to you. It is something you will need in life. As you lend thousands or millions of money to men who have not married you and may never appreciate your sacrifice, give to your female friends too. Buy them gifts, pay for lunch, celebrate their birthdays and achievements. As you forgive men who cheat, abuse, kill and are toxic toward you, remember to forgive female friends for the little little things they do wrong as well. Women are not perfect but they are the only ones who will listen to your rant and give you a hug when you return from another failed relationship...

    Poster, it's ok, brace up, life is tough, disappointments happen. Make God your source and sustainance and your life will have purpose and meaning. Ehugs!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Do not let that guy come your way or even near you, your house o.

    Block him for life and no matter the sob story, do not listen to him.

    You are good and earns well. Be focus, trust in God for a better life partner and do not let any man knows what you earn or foot his bills when you are not married to him.
    Don't marry yourself all in the name of marriage. Keep your money.

    ReplyDelete
  21. It's well poster,this is the real definition of a friend in need....please post some of the diets as it will really go a long way in helping people in similar shoes..

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dear Poster,
    I just came online now to see your chronicle, which I had to read trice to understand something that wasn't clear to me at first. You are a rare kind; selflessly to a fault, a chronic empathic individual.
    I believe the point when you had come to terms intuitively that he was better off as a friend than a lover, was where I think the demarcation should have been firmed. But you let your good heart over rule the objective judgement of your head.

    Perhaps I am wrong, but I would say you were hoping for a friend who could grow into the kind of lover you want as a partner. Not because you did see who he is, but because you see a potential that had been left unrefined. And saw yourself as a catalyst to polish it. He seemed like a raw version of the least you, and that was the attraction. He started out well, but became comfortable where you had zoned him to. The problem with this is that, anyone with any mole of 'a user' whole gladly choose to exploit this rare kindness of your by thinking they play smart. I wouldn’t say you were naively kind, you merely involuntarily encouraged his naivety of thinking he was using you. Without him realising kindness was innate. This you repeated lived throughout this chronicle, even to his confidant you later became a mutual friend.

    Honestly, it would be wrong to blame you for every form of usage you enabled, because that's who you are. And no matter how much wiser you may think you are now, you effortlessly care for humanity. Which makes relationship as most see it unfit for you. You would dwell better, with friendships rather than relationships and that doesn’t make you less. Because you are a groomer. I see a rare kind of love finding you, but it wouldn’t come from all the places you are looking at it from. And when it comes you will know this is it, please accept it the way you find it.

    As for your ex, he seem like a good person who was badly raised by parents who uses other. And that was the undying attraction there. I dislike people who don't hold their motives accountable, for their selfish immaturity. You could see he was from a background where the prize was the ultimate and not the virtue of the prize nor the value of the price. He found kindness in you, which he mistook for weakness. Not knowing he was been nurtured for the growth, the weight of his potential which sadly seated heavily on him carried. He became a formal user, with his informal self. And had became too comfortable with your friendship, that he doesn’t see a relationship with you as the end. But a means to the end.

    Dearest poster, kindly kill off every tentacles from this octopus. He leeches overhead, waiting to exploit again the humanity in you. And between us, you love his personality and that was a worry for me reading this chronicle. For your own sake, you need to scrub off every skin of his flesh on you. Intuitions never fails, it's our instincts that empowers the fears we harbour over these intuitiveness. Keep being and doing good in your little capacities, heaven will send you a comforter. Your kindness is rare, you are super unique and a infectiously caring.

    This blog loves you....

    ReplyDelete
  23. Poster I can empathise, I have some of your traits. You go over and beyond.

    You are one of the increasingly few people actually practicing Christianity in this selfish, harsh and wicked world. Such a wonderful and unique person.

    Nigeria is a country of millions of people, but if we had just 2000 people like you in political and other leadership over there, we won't be in this mess of being ruled by sociopaths.

    I have been challenged by you and i need to do even more. I wish we can meet in other circumstances.

    Saying I wish you more success stories, prosperity, peace, and good health is a waste because you are already a shining bright star on the right track and people like you always, always always have the favour and divine protection of our Lord and Creator.

    You are a solid inspiration.



    The Deep

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Biko Christianity is not stupidity though. Sometimes we over compensate due to a void in our heart or something missing within us. One shd be able to use discernment to know when to stop when it’s affecting you in a negative way. Bible says love your neighbor as thyself not love your neighbor more than yourself. 🤷🏽‍♀️

      Delete
  24. Some many questions because your story isn’t really clear but from your write up I think he was f^cking that girl under your nose, anyways common sense should have told you he has big issue with finance for someone who earns 350k a month and you still had to help him pay rent? I mean his 2 month salary could pay his rent but he couldn’t!!! Girl you don’t even need to see his statement to know something was wrong the whole time!!!! People pay rent of 500k with 100k salary. No matter his expenses or cost of transportation he was living within his income because there is a saying that if your three months salary can pay rent then you are living within your income which is good, so were did his money go??? Omo this guy really used you, please shine your eyes moving forward common sense will make you see somethings abeg.

    ReplyDelete

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