Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Monday, March 06, 2023

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmm...




STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
STUCK IN A PLACE OF HURT AND REGRET

I miss my ex boyfriend, and wished I was wiser then. I could have stayed put, as I am doing very well. But here I am now, divorced after 4 years of marriage and a single parent too.

I wouldn’t deny that relationships had been good to me, I priced myself out, so I believe. When I meet a good man I believe I over judge their capacity and the expectation I have seems over the board too. 

So I dated this struggling guy for 2 years and pulled out, I felt he was just being good and great because he was struggling - as society makes us believe that struggling men are ONLY good because they are broke, wait until the are made. 

I could stay, I am well put together financially. And seeing also that he was laid back, the devil in me was discouraged. So I jumped ship to a "better man" so I think. Dated for 2 years and got married. It was like the individual I was with in courtship, was the opposite of the man I married. I had my own faults too, but he was just a different character to all had ever known him as.

 The only resolution was to go our separate ways for good. He is still a good father to our child, other than that he was just another pretentious narcissist.

Last month, I was transferred to Lagos state from where I was based (Abuja), and here I met my ex-boyfriend. He is doing very well for himself, married to someone I know. His wife used to be one of our junior staff (customer care) who used to be our intermediary, whenever my ex-boyfriend called at my place of work.

I was surprised my former boss, who is my present boss in this new branch knows about this and never mentioned it to me. We interface regularly, she is like a mentor to me and she even helped with my transfer when I mentioned to her that I wanted a relocation from my former state.

When I confronted her, she said it was not her business to gossip that. And that it was when she resumed in Lagos that she met this colleague at the branch, and got to know she was married. That it was last December end of the year company party that she met this said ex as this my colleague's husband. And that she warned me to hold tightly onto that guy, the few times we discussed him but I didn't heed. Because according to her, such good man is rare. Although she acknowledged that she couldn't blame me for my decision, only a few women would stick with a struggling man. Because for most, when life smiles at them they move on to something else.

I was patient and good to this guy for 2 year, I honestly can't come up with what devil possessed me to walk away from him. I still remember how he cried and begged, here I am now in a way envious and jealous of my junior colleague who is now married to my ex-boyfriend. I wasn't surprised they looked happy together, he is family oriented.

I don't even know why I am writing this now, jealous and envious I know I am. But I am more worried that what I shared with him in the past has become a standard template for me going forward. Everyone I have met since I got divorced over a year ago, I have compared them to the simple way I and ex-boyfriend loved each other.

 I know its not about comfort, I can comfortably take very good care of I and my child without the help of family or anyone. And my ex-husband is very comfortable too. So for me it isn't about comfort in material things, I think it's comfort in my soul that I lack but don't know how to go about it.

How I wished I was more emotionally mature some years ago with my ex-boyfriend, and not pay much attention to how some friends and society talk down at some kind of people. 
-Don't love people into their potential,
- don't date a broke man if he makes money he will change towards you, 
-don't stay in a relationship with a man who does the barest minimum.
- Don't do this with that man, don't do that with this man. I just realised now in my early 30s what I should have known in my mid 20s. That maybe that was their capacity then, not that they are not good. 

Relationship is not by the book, but by one's intuition and discretion. How do we meet good people, and not realise that's their nature and who they are? How easily do we judge them based on societal standards, instead of accepting them the way they loved us naturally?

 How do we resurrect the good things we took for granted and condemn to generalization? How easily do we even come to that state, of letting go the very things that makes our innerselves look good? 

I haven't been in a good state since I married and even now that I am divorced, it just felt like I deceived myself into where I am now. I need another transfer away from this state. I failed, and I am pained that I failed myself.

 I don't know if I can find love like I once knew it? I'm sorry for this long rant, I am not in a good place presently. It hurts me that I still want my ex-boyfriend, but he is married. It hurts more that he avoids me, like I once did. This pain is a bitch!


*Eyaaah, you left your brokeaxx bobo and went to marry someone else that was supposedly better off and now you want Mr former brokeaxx back? Its good that he is avoiding you,please also do same or take another transfer from that place cos his avoiding might indicate that he might still want you..... Leave that place before you break your colleagues marriage eeeeeeh

77 comments:

  1. AwwwwπŸ«‚ you'll be fine babe. Work your transfer to a different place if you can and start all over again please.

    Every morning is a new day to begin afresh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Get yourself a transfer to another state and stop with the pity party
      You have messed up already and i don't see any light at the end of the tunnel for you

      Delete
    2. Jeez. That’s mean. Give her a light of hope and not beat her down the more. Na waa o.

      Delete
    3. Let it go. We all have that "ex" we wish we married NOT always for financial reasons but that inner peace and happiness. Its really hard letting go but just focus you will be fine las las.

      Delete
    4. @Milkshakes what do you mean there is no light at the end of tunnel for the poster? Poster pls just work your transfer, brace yourself up and concentrate on your Job and child….trust me true love will find you

      Delete
    5. Poster IGNORE ALL THE HARSH COMMENTS and listen to me

      You feel this way because you are conditioned to feel that you are worthless if not in a marriage. (Single matured, single parent, divorcee, widowed etc ) all because
      you made a decusion. Trust me there are people here who gambled and lost and found their way to try again!!!!! Not just in relationships in business decisions, decisions about long distance relationships, decisions about children school runs, In friendships and other life decisions.
      However rvery harsh commenters go form perfect because you are vulnerable enough to tell it all. Shior

      If you tried and things didn't work out, you can still live a fulfilled life as a divorcee. It's natural that humans don't agree with humans and go their different ways, look at politicians jumping parties, no be today yansh dey back and get centre parting.

      Going forward determine what gives you and your kids the best out of life and pursue it. The world will adjust. Your next companion is someone you least expect. Everybody gossips about the relentless optimist but are still drawn to them to know what makes them tick and what makes them confident. BE THAT PERSON

      Please be happy in your decisions. Even hidiots like ffk or mosquehill famz about their Exs being special assistants to Ex presidents or gubernatorial candidates because success has so many effing supporters from usual and unusual places..

      Do what makes you and your kids healthy and happy. Invest in your dreams and pursue it relentlessly.

      Life is for the living and if you have life pursue it!!!

      If the transfer benefits you, do it. If it doesn't (changevif school etc) effing don't do it.

      Take the bull by the horns and live your life with no regrets. If you see him, say hello and move on to chase your dreams.

      There are many in the grave who wish they took important decisions to promote the quality of their lives, you still get life and yet waste time in regrets, fixing move on and conquer love.

      Deep

      Delete
    6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    7. Sisi Nene when will you complete this gist?

      Delete
    8. Very annoying post. Why not take responsibility for your action/choice to leave him instead of blaming family and society? Did family and society also break your marriage? There must have been things you were not ok with such as him being too laid back etc which made you leave him. Those flaws suddenly seem to have disappeared in your envious and jealous state. Own your choice with your full chest and move on. You would have still posted an epistle of how you are the one shouldering most of the financial responsibilities and regretting that you didn't marry your now ex-husband if you you married the guy. Na ojukokoro dey do you. Suddenly, he is the best man because your junior colleague accepted him. Better face front and don't try to ruin that marriage.

      Delete
    9. Sis Nene, PLEASE PLEASE πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™πŸ˜©πŸ˜©πŸ˜©, complete the story oh.

      Delete
  2. Stella thank you for giving her that warning. OP, I am not going to sugar coat nothing. You are a truly devilish person. You are only feeling bad because you found that your ex is doing better without you. If he was not, you'd not have even bothered with as much as throwing him a g glance. You are a very pretentious person who uses people to make yourself feel better. You seek out people not for genuineness but to satiate that self inflicted emptiness deep within you. Your ex deserved better and thank God he got better! You would have divorced him if you had married him eventually. Because you are yet to even grasp and understand that people can love expecting little in return and people can love genuinely.
    If your ex was suffering in his marriage, you wouldn't feel the way you feel now. It would have given you joy even. I know your type. You think the world revolves around you. Thank God it doesn't. Leave that young man and his home alone! He deserves far better than you and I pray he has found it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! You've never made a mistake or misjudged someone before?
      Ha! Easy with the insults, she already feels bad for her decision, no one is perfect oga.

      Delete
    2. OgΓΊ adala

      Delete
    3. Na wa ooo, this your response sounds so toxic. Poster if you are all DogAlmighty wrote up there, you wouldn't have written a chronicle and want to request transfer.
      Talk about stabbing someone that is already down SMH.

      Delete
    4. Judgina, do you know her? You've already assumed that she's all that and more. Thank God man no be God. Over sabi !! Ng

      Delete
    5. Nothing devillish here. She made a wrong decision and she is seeing it, living in it. I could happen to you. Can happen to anyone. It is what you make out of the situation that matters.

      Delete
    6. No she is devilish and you are God Almighty.
      You that knows her very well, keep on lieing .
      Remember what happened to Ananis and Saparrih.
      Keep on lieing. You are doing well.

      Better take care of your wives and stop crying.

      Delete
    7. Let me just chip in that the grass usually looks greener on the other side.

      Delete
    8. I beg you in the name of God - don't scatter their sweet marriage.
      In fact, seek for another transfer.

      With that jealousy, you won't be free and happy.
      The ball is in your court.

      Delete
  3. May God continue to make him avoid you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen so she won't destroy his home

      Delete
    2. Amen so she won't destroy his home

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    3. Amen oooh.
      She's only feeling this sad because bobo is happily married and doing great for himself.
      Please keep it moving forward as you did before.
      Thank you.

      Delete
  4. Your best bet would be to get a transfer elsewhere. What you feel is normal, very normal. But what you should not do is try to be friends with him or is wife, it’s not healthy.
    The way you feel right now, if you have any opportunity with that guy, you will sleep with him, please don’t do that cos it will break you more.
    We all make mistakes that we regret badly but life has to go on.
    I’m sorry about your failed marriage.
    I’m sure you’ll meet someone even better. This time, just do you. Do not care what people or the society would say. Just go with your feelings and if it works out fine for you, good but if it doesn’t, dust yourself up and try again.

    Sluttychic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My love for slutty chic and push-up original is like copied assignment .

      Delete
  5. Sweetheart it has happened just pick yourself up and move on...

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  6. Aww this brought tears to my eyes.come take a bear hug. All will be fine. One of your sayings in your chronicle happened to me. When he became rich I was no longer needed 🀣.so maidia that thing happens just that yours was different. It is well with you ❤️πŸ™

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  7. Aunty face front... This your eye that is shining like torch Light like this,you better face front...duh he's married, so remove ya eye completely from their marriage

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  8. Young ladies please if you find a man who’s broke but he’s a good man pls nitori oloun don’t leave him I would choose a broke man with a good heart than a wicked rich man anytime any day. Shalom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did that three times. And three times, each showed their true colors when money came. suddenly, I who suffered and sacrificed was not good enough for them. I checked all the checkable. Prayed all the prayable. Did good girl until my sweat sef was taking my temperature and asking me why. When people say no Nigerian woman will suffer with a man, I smile because I did and it did not work out. So, how does one find a person with a good heart when you cannot guarantee to event or context that will make the good heart disappear? If only we could see the future... Many things would be prevented.

      Delete
    2. 20:56 I am totally with you.

      Delete
    3. There is no hard and fast rule. What worked for A may not work for B. Any sensible adult should know this and strive to make informed decisions. As long as you made what you consider to be the best decision based on information you had at the time, there is no point crying over spilled milk.

      Delete
  9. Please please please...who said that him avoiding her might mean that he still wants her??!! She wishes!!

    Any responsible man, who has respect for his wife and family would behave in the same way.

    Afterall, the poster also mentioned that she avoided him after the breakup, so why would she want to reconnect now? Now that things are better for him!

    @poster...would you still want him back if you found out that his life hadn't improved much?

    ReplyDelete
  10. you want him now cos you have made your mistake, you tot your ex-husband was the best. You left a broke-ass man who was hustling and your boss warned you never to leave a good man but because he wasn't rich you left him.

    your junior colleague should avoid you, she should give you the warning to stay clear from her husband. your ex should never give you space cos people like you don't mind breaking another home. Someone stayed with a broke ass till he became someone and suddenly you now realize his values, madam look for a transfer to another state before you break that home.

    You need to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made in the past. we all make mistakes but the ability to forgive and move forward is what matters. Forgive yourself, now that you understand your mistakes, someday love will find you. Please remove your eyes from your eyes bf, stop that envy cos it will destroy you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Pray for him.
    Pray for yourself.
    Pray for your future husband to be good to you as you are now.
    Transfer from your place of work if you must and if it will not affect your career.
    Stay away from your ex until your transfer comes through if you ask for it.
    Be official with his wife who is your colleague.
    Good people are plenty. There is still one for you. Contrary to stereotypes, thank God you know now all are not true, there are good men who marry single mothers.

    Best wishes and God's favour.

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  12. My darling, I don't know why you are beating yourself so hard about this

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think you’re too focused on the past. An ex is an ex , move on and forge ahead with your life and your child. Get that transfer so you won’t be reminded of him every time you see his wife, and if it’s possible limit contact with the mutual
    Friends / colleagues that know this story and can directly or indirectly remind you of it. You’re being sad now coz it didn’t work out in your marriage, if it had worked out and your ex was still a broke man you wouldn’t be here crying to us. Move on completely from him and hopefully you might find love again or maybe might not .. whatever that happens in your relationship life make sure you will still be in a position to take care of yourself and your kid

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  14. Dear poster, do not conclude on your findings. This life is sooooo complicated. You are regretting not staying back with your broke boyfriend due to your failed marriage while I am here regretting why I got married to a broke man who now made it and started living the life he wasnt living before with chronic womanizing. I am here regretting building with a broke man.
    I am here regretting not marrying atleast a man I didnt struggle with in my early twenties. I left the marriage after building with him for 7yrs miserably and full of regret. I was naive and I wish I knew what I know now. This life nor balance

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  15. My darling I don't know why you are beating yourself so hard about this.
    All what you were told about broke guys is 70% true. And you said he was lazy too? My dear you took the right decision.
    For the fact that your marriage didn't work, dosen't mean yours with him would have worked.
    What if you both ain't meant for each other and you couldn't have been able to bring out the best in him?
    What if what you see between them isn't all that there is and not the real pics?
    Do you know how he treats her behind closed doors?
    My sister, face front and ask for the best man from God .
    If you can get s transfer, pls do and leave that environment.
    Be rest assured your best days are yet to come. Put yourself together, love yourself, your kid and wait for the best
    E hugs darling.

    PS: this regret thing happens with alot of married people or divorced who have/had bad partners.
    Stop crying over spilled milk. So you can see clearly the blessings God has in store for you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. H.F I really like your comment.
      Poster remember that you pointed out that he was laid back too.
      What if maybe your breaking up with him was the main motivation for him to really put his acts together and hustle real hard?
      I believed that you took the right decision then based on what was on ground.
      I know that you are sad and unhappy obviously from the fall out of your marriage.
      If you can, seek for a transfer from this branch to another.
      And please don't try go looking for what has since been lost, he is happily married, please leave them alone.
      May your own soulmate locate you soon.
      Ehugs.

      Delete
    2. Take a hug dear. This is life. Forgive yourself. Don’t look back. Be happy. You are just human. Love will find you again and when it finds you again choose to stay for it. Love is a beautIful thing…Remember to forgive yourself…

      Delete
    3. Laid back is not necessarily lazy. Some laid back people are just like the tortoise in the Aesop table, moving slow and stead ever forward.

      Poster would not have given him the peace he needed to concentrate on planning and staying on course.

      Poster wash your face and heart clean of him. He is not your kind of man. A man like your ex husband with the kind of good heart you want is the type of man that will bring out the fullness of you. Good news is that such men exist. Pray to meet them. Seek to meet them. Leave your ex boyfriend alone.

      So long as you stay away from your colleague who married him, you do not even need to transfer out of Lagos.

      Delete
    4. Poster your best option is to move on.

      Delete
  16. Probably it is your leaving him that motivated him to fight harder and get better. There is nothing to say that had you stuck with him he would have advanced. It is shame that is making you feel this way. You are ashamed of your divorce and single mom status, and through that shame envy is working its way in. The funny thing is, when you got married to your well to do man, there was probably someone on the sidelines envying you too, thinking you had scored well. This looking on the outside thinking we know what is happening on the inside is such a waste of time, because nothing is ever as it seems.

    Be grateful he is in a better place than where you left him. Be happy he has found love and has someone to share life with. You have the unconditional love of your child and he has the love of his wife. Face front and focus on YOUR life instead of looking back. All this looking back will entrap you to the point you may even try to draw that man into an affair with you, because sins multiply like a virus. You made your choice and got a child out of yours, he made his and got a wife. Nobody is a loser here, you both won. Leave that man alone and let him be at peace. He did not disturb you when you left, do not disturb his life. If you cannot handle it, then go get another transfer elsewhere.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly my sentiments 15:53

      Delete
    2. Word!

      Poster hope this encourages you.

      Looking from the outside with a rosy mindset like yours will make their marriage seem perfect.
      No marriage is.

      Not to say your ex is miserable, but they may just have a basic normal marriage with highs and lows.

      No guarantee you won’t have been filled with regrets if you married him.
      No guarantee you won’t feel you overwhelmed trying to get him to be more hardworking.

      Delete
  17. For how long will you keep transferring and uprooting your self in the face of difficulties? It seems to be a pattern with you! Chin up and grow up! Learn from your past mistakes and move on. You can't have your former boyfriend, he is married! Suck it up! Stop living in your feelings and concentrate on forging a new life for you and your child. Leave an innocent man and his family out of your emotional baggage and drama!

    ReplyDelete
  18. E-hugs!

    I know how you feel. The feeling is very normal. I advise taking a transfer, cos it will keep hurting each time you see him.

    I left my first love (we loved each other so much) cos I wasn’t sure he was ready. Btw life was tough for both of us. Years later, I married. Honestly, I still missed him.

    My husband and I relocated out of the country, I was relieved I won’t bump into him ever. Lol

    Guess who moved to the very city I relocated to? My ex and his wife! What are the odds?????

    I avoided chatting up or seeing him. Few years later, we met at an open place.

    Guess what? We kissed and endlessly talked about us!

    Honestly, it felt good but later I realized it’s no good at all. We can’t be together. Any attempt we make to recreate what we had will only cause emotional pain.

    We resolved never to see each other again. It wasn’t helping us and it was unfair to our spouses.

    It is okay to miss him. But be open to meet other people and make conscious efforts to not think deeply about him.

    It can help to talk to a therapist too. Let it out. Believe me after few sessions with your therapist, you will start sounding stupid to yourself. Lol

    Acknowledge you will always have fond and sweet memories of him. Don’t fight that fact. But try to keep your thoughts clean.

    Ask the Holy Spirit to help you work on your mind/thoughts.

    Move to another city or even relocate out of the country. Hopefully he doesn’t do same. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  19. You haven’t healed from your divorce and most importantly you haven’t learned to love yourself. I recommend you stop all regrets or retrospection except for lessons. By all means, heal and learn self love before you leap again otherwise, you will never make a good decision.
    It was never meant to be. You could have divorced him too. You may never know. Either of the two outcomes are possible by same probability. Could have worked, couldn’t have worked!
    I left my first boyfriend and best friend several years ago, married and divorced my ex husband. He stayed single and married me and my children more than a decade later. Whatever is meant to be becomes BUT, you have to do the hard job of healing, growing and self love.
    Goodluck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! Congratulations. Your story ended well. 😊

      Delete
  20. Writer, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you feel. It’s humane to feel just that way. Some of us experienced a bit of that; after dating someone for years, they got better and write everything off..
    Like you said, society shouldn’t set the standard but do what works for you. It’s not time to languish in regret and jealousy. For your sanity, retransfer if you must. We have all made childish mistakes when a bit younger. No time for regret now. Just focus on your baby and keep maintaining beauty. Love will find you again.
    *Katelyn Montana

    ReplyDelete
  21. I don't know what to say sha. But i realised that if we hold on to the past, we may not be able to move into the future.
    Regret can cause depression. Regret is a tool of darkness to keep one stagnated. That ex may not be all that, if you check am well.
    Your marriage did not work does not mean that this guy is good o. But if i am being honest, i don't like that you left a guy because of money. Especially in this time and age were good men are hard to find, money should not be a determinant for life partner.
    Please don't break his marriage o

    ReplyDelete
  22. Its okay you feel this way, get another transfer if possible.
    I'm sure lessons will be learn from this chronicle, " you don't judge people based on societal generalization.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Don't be hard on yourself but please let him go, stop using him as a yardstick to choose another ma. And please avoid him as he avoids you. Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  24. You're still blaming the society for your bad judgement..
    You seem not to have learnt any lesson yet,. Until you take accountability and be responsible for the action you took, you haven't gotten wiser..
    It's the same thing I shout hear everyday and I'm insulted..
    Shebi you decided to follow the bad advice,. Then live with whatever outcome you got..

    It's all your fault, not the society or anybody.. you were an adult when you too the decision.. stop looking for who and what to blame..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bed Breaker….Heal, you are broken too. Your response to someone who is living with regrets is very cold. Why flog a man who is already down emotionally. Be kind. The poster may have shared this to get closure and heal. Emotional intelligence is key always. Mistakes is part of life. Be slow to judge people…I hope you find peace you heal from your hidden regrets too. Accepting responsibilities for a mistake is easier than forgiving oneself. The poster is struggling with forgiving herself…This is really deep.

      Delete
    2. 17.30

      Do you put yourself in the shoes of the guy to see how he was hurt after a girl he was building with for 2 years dumped him cos he was still struggling? Do you care to consider of he has healed now? Aunty emotional intelligence

      Delete
    3. Anonymous 17:30, thank you. Perfect response.

      Delete
  25. Poster Forgive yourself and move on. You left him and he has remarried, no amount of guilt and regret will bring you back together. What people told you about leaving broke men is also true though there are exceptions. You may stick to a broke man and he ends up betraying you, you may also stick to a broke man and it ends well for both of you, It's all risk. In your case however, you were not meant to be, or like you said, you were not emotionally mature at the time to discern.

    Pls stay away from him, he now has a family. Avoiding you is the best thing for him to do to avoid stories that touches the heart. Do same to maintain your dignity and self respect. Don't go about carrying face for the innocent wife who doesn't know what transpired between the both of you. Don't drag her into your jealousy. Accept the situation and move on. You have learnt your lessons and they will guide you to make better decisions in the future.

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  26. Life is all about choices. Not knowing the future while having to make a choice is tough and sometimes we have to take a gamble. At times we make the right choice, other times we don’t. It’s part of life. You just have to accept the choice you made and move on with the life you have built for yourself. Constantly looking at the past can hinder your moving forward. Don’t kick yourself too hard on your choices. You used what information you had at the time plus your gut instinct to make a choice. It could have gone the other way. He could have turned out to be a lazy no-good doer. I recently made a wrong move on a particular aspect of my life. I have resisted the urge to drown in the mistake but have instead focused on making better moves and learning from the situation. Remember that our choices make us. You can make a choice now to either move on or continue wallowing in self pity. This is a very important choice as it affects your future. No point in crying over spilled milk and you don’t have a Time Machine to take you into the past to rewrite history.

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  27. Poster stop killing yourself over this: my was that I stayed with a broke guy over 5 years, I was still very much ready to stay but my guy man left when he was about to hammer. It may not have worked out for both of you.

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  28. Dear poster. What has happened has happened. And they all happened the way they are supposed to happen. Mistakes happen to we can learn from them. Bad life experiences also happen so we can learn from them. Throw away this regret and jealousy and envy. They will not serve you. Face the Holy Spirit to help you overcome theses things. And pour your love and your heart to God, he will heal you and restore you. All the negative energy must go including the shame, all of them. They are not serving you and will not help you move forward. Block them all out and invite the fruits of the spirit to your thoughts and your heart. Focus on how you can make your life and your child’s life better, peaceful fillet with positive energy from above and positive emotions.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I’m not a fan of many of Mr Dante’s views or his presentation style but he sometimes has valid points. I’m a woman, I had no car when I met my spouse nor could he afford to get me much. All I got while we dated was milkshake & shawarma thirty years ago. I cannot write the things he has gotten me over the years including luxury cars celebs post online.

    We need to remember that marriage is a marathon. Some men start out with little to nothing & never forget your sacrifices. Many do, sadly. May God comfort women in such situations as it must hurt badly.

    Most of the married men that some side chicks like to date were skinny looking nobodies when their wives met them and built with them. Decades down the road they appeal to girls that would never have given them a chance before. Some obtuse ones among them forget & pay back with evil. Some do not. The lesson here is not to listen to some SM generalizations that “men are scam”, “women are scam”, “don’t build with anybody” etc. Here is my two cents:

    1.Stop looking back. Lot’s wife did and became a pillar of salt. Stagnant. Frozen in time.
    2. Be honest in evaluating your own part in the failed marriage so it does not get repeated. The only constant in the all your relationships is YOU. If you don’t figure out your part in the failed marriage, you could marry a rich saint, the outcome may be the same. In your own words “relationships have been good to you…you priced yourself out”..” he begged…cried”… Are you prideful? Not many women can truly say they have had multiple GOOD relationships like you so do a self evaluation.
    3. I’m an older mom with grown up kids, young men hurt too when women they love break up with them for any reason. You don’t know how long he was emotionally down after you left him. Some men have fragile emotions too though they pretend.
    4. Go for Counseling. It could be a church counselor or a professional one. Hold your head high, you are just in your 30s, it’s not late to find love. It wasn’t meant to be.
    5. DO NOT seduce him or break his home no matter the envy or wistfulness. Even if you succeed in seducing him, it will never be the same, he won’t forget the tears and pleas and could become vengeful, you will be hurting his woman (though he seems like a good person trying to be loyal to his wife). Take your eyes & mind off this couple. Flee temptation. Get a transfer quickly.

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  30. So apparently the junior colleague was the one that found him a job, hence he wouldn’t have moved up. Men are very calculative. He figured well, since you left him, he might as well give this woman a chance and boom, it worked out because she was also looking for a husband at that time. It was also a wake up call for him to get out of his comfort zone. If anything, he should thank you for getting him out of that comfort zone before losing another good woman. You said he was too laid back for you. It would have caused major issues in your marriage anyway because laid back men can be hard to push to achieve due to that laid back personality. (I’m in this type of marriage and it is emotionally and physically exhausting and draining). This man was not meant for you. He is not the one. On your part, hope you’ve finally figured what you keep doing wrong in your relationships and some things you’d compromise and what are your dealbreaker. If you’re strong enough, stay in that new location and let him be a constant reminder that you did your best in the relationship and also to show that with or without him you’ll be fine. 2 years is a long time to date. How long were you guys going to date for? You were ready to settle down and I’m sure he wasn’t at that time. Your only mistake was, you didn’t give yourself enough time to heal before jumping into another relationship. And yes, it’s ok to marry someone who’s well to do, or the same caliber and with a good heart of course (unfortunately yours didn’t have that heart). If he’s avoiding you, then also avoid him and give him that space. If you need some time off to get yourself together then do so. If you feel transferring will make you feel better, then transfer and close this chapter. You both were not meant to be. For now, your focus should be you, self improvement and your child. Wishing you all the best.

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  31. Anon 22:50, are you the poster? I went back to read it and did not see where the poster said the wife (poster’s former junior colleague) got him a job as your write-up indicates the “calculating “ nature of men. I just wanted to understand.

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    Replies
    1. No I’m not the poster. If you read through her post, notice she mentioned junior colleague. So apparently they somehow connected through this poster. Junior colleague works at posters job. Or how them dey meet each other? I’m pretty sure 95% junior colleague was the one that hooked him up with the job.

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  32. Thank you for the responseπŸ‘πŸΎ

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  33. What do you mean by laid back? Do you want him to go and steal to be rich? I don’t understand you. As long as he’s a graduate, he’s working and not jobless, he’s earning an income, he will grow from there. He’ll earn more salary as he gets promoted and if he sees a legitimate business he’ll invest in. Also, you had a job and you were doing well for yourself, you could have supported him but it’s obvious you didn’t love him and you didn’t value his love for you, so why are you regretting? Cos your marriage didn’t work out? I thank God for your ex cos he dodged a bullet by not marrying you. Next time look out for good character and not money cos it’s the good character and love between spouses that makes a marriage work and not money, even those that have money are even stingy with it. I have no regrets with not marrying my exes cos I’ve always wanted true love and good character in a man. You don’t need to transfer out of the branch. Keep your job cos Lagos is better than Abuja in terms of starting new relationships. Face the consequences of your action and don’t further humiliate yourself by going after your ex cos he’ll just use you and dump you. A lesson that came right in time for the single ladies. Thanks for sharing poster. May God have mercy on you and may you change for good, perhaps, find love again.

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  34. SISI NENE PLEASE DROP THE REMAINING GIST SO THAT I CAN POST IT AS ONE::

    ReplyDelete

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