Stella Dimoko Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative


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Monday, April 10, 2023

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative



I never knew quarrelling with hubby was causing emotional issues on our children until January, I used to bottle up my emotions whenever I feel hurt from hubbys actions and will be very unhappy channeling my anger to any little thing my children did, and they will hide once they notice it.

3 years back, I realised I am the only one hurting and hurting my children too,cos hubby no send.

I started voicing out my pains and it resulted in serious quarrels and arguments until the one we had early this year January 2nd, the quarrel was so much that our children locked themselves inside their room.

The next morning, hubby left very early in the morning. When our children woke up they came to our room, asked about their dad, I told them he left and I don't know where.

They asked me what really happened yesterday, I explained and told them how sorry I am for allowing anger take hold of me . After speaking, my daughter just asked for what they are having for breakfast, I told her, she fixed it.

Hubby didn't come back early, they begged me to call him, I refused, they used their phone and texted him, he later came back very late that day ,but our children had slept.

Next morning, our children called us for a meeting.

My daughter started, " have we ever cared how they feel whenever we are quarrelling " fine! She will tell us , " they feel sad, broken , hubby wanted to explain that I am the issue, my son cut him that she is mother and being protective is one trait as a mother. My daughter continued, " we called this meeting to plead that we can't continue taking this noise from you people, please Sir/Ma, it's affecting us.

I said its not easy for me knowing my hubby is pope that doesn't sin, my son told me" that does not make sense, that I should find a way about it, that we can argue but not quarrel.

Hubby ended the meeting that he has heard them that we will work on ourselves.
Shame hold me that day, later my son called me that " mom, you should learn how to tell dad something, leave him to process it and give you reply, don't start demanding for answers immediately "

 I just thanked him but shame catch me.

For 2 months now hubby and I have been on utmost Good behaviour in the house once they are around, I still feel ashamed that small children called adults to order

The road to recovery for those kids is long and i beg you and your hubby to take a long walk if you must exchange words....Your children are very smart but it is only the two of you that can help them heal...You are lucky your kids called a meeting, others dont have that sense and end up as severely psychologically damaged.
Keep up with the good behaviour..


  1. As Balam no gree hear word, na him donkey call am to order. So don't worry you will be fine. Learn to pray with your family daily. It reduces quarrel in the household.

    1. God bless your kids, i am so proud of them.
      Your hubby isn’t a bad man either, cus some fathers will rather shut the kids up and dismiss them out of shame rather than listen.

      I used to go off before so I understand, but once my kids started growing I decided to find another way.
      Not malice and not by shouting, we are both adults, we have to find a way. Right now, if my point is not being understood, I let it slide, later I talk about it and ask if I am understood… if not I keep explaining.

      Marriage can actually be enjoyed especially when you marry someone who is just as willing to make it work, and is your friend and partner.

      Push up (original)

    2. Your kids/Nowadays kids get mind.

      Since I was born and now I am old in 40s, I cannot tall back to my parents eh.

      Communication is very good especially with an unbiased listener like a Therapist or so.

      More power to your kids. More love and understanding between you and ur hubby

    3. Please ma'am next time. Try to add more context. How old are the kids? I cant process this information. Goodluck in life and marriage.

    4. This poster is not from the west. Their suppressive culture will not let this happen. Once the person is older than you, even if they poo on your head, you are expected to thank them as your elder. That's the rubbish I'm seeing here. Ndi ala.

    5. I be loving this gen zzz ehnnn......their guts is in them. Their world view is totally different. They can be so exasperating but they usually see things as is and call stuff out. For my time we get guts? Except you are naturally stubborn and be prepared to chop wotowoto after you run ya mouth.
      Poster your kids are super smart and have shown a good deal of emotional intelligence. However don't take this for granted because they are still kids. They are not supposed to be exposed to adult issues too early. As Stella said this can be traumatizing for them. I commend you and your hubby for your show of maturity for not shouting at them, or whupping their behinds. But still you are the parents, you still have to maintain authority in your home so that things don't go haywire. Please try to discuss issues like mature adults in your childrens' absence. Make this a rule. You both try to listen to each other and put yourselves in each other's shoes. Try to compromise where necessary. If issues persist maybe try a marriage counselor. I don't know if you are a person of faith, but you cannot go wrong in the place of prayers.

  2. Amazing children. I know it is not easy but both of you can try and live in harmony. Before my sis travels back to her base, she called a meeting too and told my parents that if she hears that they even argue, she will call the parish priest and I seconded it. They were shocked. Since then, we never hear them argue cos normally when they do, my mum will just send me a message to talk to my dad cos my dad and I are very close and he listens to me.
    One couple had a quarrel and she pushed her hubby and he died. They are waiting for the autopsy.
    It is well with your family.


  3. You should stop feeling ashamed instead be proud of your self that you gave birth to such homely children.Always reduce your voice or better still don't talk when your husband starts because the kids are taking notes of the one his voice is loudest.You should try to do as your boy said so you don't loose their love and respect.

    1. Madam dey shame becos she know who "dey"

      Thank God her children stepped in. If it was her in-laws or neighbours she would have called them nosey and her husband a man who cannot control his family.

      I no talk say the husband innocent. Just that the story show.

  4. 😂😂😂😂
    The way some of you are always bitter in the comments section here, I'm not surprised you do the same to your husbands..

    Lol @don't start demanding for answers immediately..

    E good say you still get shame, e go make you act accordingly.. na the people wey no get shame we dey beg God make them no cross our paths..

    Good luck

  5. God Almighty bless those kids, they'll make you proud, and may God bless and keep your home

  6. I am glad you guys listened to your children and also corrected yourselves. Some parents may even scold their children or ignore them if they attempt to correct them.

    1. Exactly my point
      Or some will only point out the fault of the mother, thank God the kids pointed out both their flaws.

      This shows that they have good kids and they are not bad parents either
      Poster, I am proud of your entire family.

      Push up (original)

  7. When I say you can have arguments as a couple but don’t ever let it lead to a quarrel, it will be like me that is just 3 years plus in marriage wants to be giving marital advice.

    Stop quarreling, stop screaming at ur spouses (when u are not he-goats), stop exchanging words with ur spouses. How’s this difficult?

    If u are doing these things, it just means one or both of u are actually not mature enough to be in a relationship, talk more of marriage! Yes, I said it!

    See how these ones now almost used theirs to ruin their kids. Thank God the kids are not as immature as their parents.

  8. It’s ok you have given them a different gift now
    By listening to them and making changes based on their recommendation, you have validated them and increased their self esteem. They too now know they can come it with a plan execute it and see results
    Next time they fight each other, be ready and remind them how you listened to them and stopped your own fight

  9. Part of the things to discuss with your partner before marriage is to come to agreement that on no account and no matter the level of anger must you people quarrel before your children or let them notice you too are having issue . The thing affects mental health of your kids no matter how young or old you think they are.

    If your partner do something you don't like, don't start carrying face. Find a private time to tell them what they did you don't like and tell them how to do it right next time. Also tell your partner to handle your own fuck up same way.

    If your partner(especially the men) appear stubborn sometimes because of their ego When you tell him/her what they did wrong and how to do it right and they refuse, please allow them be and give them time to think it through and then discuss it with them again.

    1. I'm in my 30s and I have only seen my parents argue 3 times in all my live..

      Of course they must have had differences, but we never noticed cos they hid it from us

    2. If agreements dey so easy to enforce, courts for half empty.

      Then we dey talk of matters emotions don garnish.

  10. Very true at @ Stella's statement
    Huge kudos to you people for raising an outspoken kids, nice one. As kid, I couldn't voice out and now In my thirties, it still affect me psychologically, I still remember the belt mark on my mother and on my father.

  11. So happy that you and your husband listened to your children, I hope you both has sorted out your issues especially you with anger issue. Madam also go and do some hormonal test to see if your hormones are balanced. Cos this your constant anger is not ordinary.

    You should always set a standard for your children no matter what, you and your husband has alot of work to do for those children, their relationship and marriage will work bases on what they saw between you both. Is high time you fix yourself no matter what the challenge may be.

  12. Hmmmmmm
    Ur children are exceptional, madam listen to ur children biko, i rather ignore someone than exchanging hot words, i prefer when u are ok, i will now approach u for a peaceful and heart2heart talk.
    Let me tell u one secret to a peaceful marriage, submission even if u don't have it, pray to become it, God will help u, and while at it, pray to God to make ur husband becoming loving towards u, don't be decieved by those who will tell u not to pray, pray madam pray about everything, pray for ur marriage ask for wisdom and peace, prayooooooh very important, learn to absorb some words and let go, show ur husband love and submission he go humble, i practice it and it's working for me, don't do gra gra with him pls. Be a woman let him be the man.

  13. Wow, such an angel you have as kids , may Almighty bless them , I love that.

  14. I see my sister and her husband find a level ground immediately, when things doesn't sit well with them, just because of their kids. They talk and settle the issue immediately or on phone. No kid can be happy seeing the parent quarrel or fight. None. It affects them more.

  15. Smart kids you both brought up. Please make them proud

  16. Be grateful to God that He has blessed you with sensible kids.

    Stop being ashamed and put in more work, consciously to redeem yourselves before these wonderful kids. Pray for God's help as well.

  17. Before my marriage to my ex broke kpata kpata, my 1st child already packout to my mother's house, he said is more peaceful there, you're lucky your kids saved the marriage

  18. Ordinary relationship sef is so stressful. Haba. God please come through for me in this my adoption process make I forget man matter. God I am begging.

  19. This children should be given awards for the good work they have done for their parent,don't be ashame,they are your kids,be proud of them and let the peace continue in your home IJN....... Josaria

  20. My sister's children are still struggling from the emotional damage their parents marriage caused them, the once happy kids are now withdrawn and sad, you can hardly see them laughing or happy, despite the efforts their mum is making, even if she took them out to an expensive outing, they'll just keep a straight face all through, I pity them

    1. They know the big part she played in destroying their home.

      Women think because they readily get custody, children do not know who is mainly at fault or what is going on between their parents.

  21. The emotional intelligence your children have is more than most adults have.
    Don't be ashamed.
    Be grateful.
    Very grateful.
    Only people who love us, care enough about us and are confident in our love for them correct us.
    It's very very hard to find people who focus on correcting not criticism.
    Be grateful and change for the better.

  22. No one is above correction. Better coming from your kids than outsiders. It's still inhouse.

  23. Madam you & your husband should do better

  24. Wow, I so much love your children, God bless them abundantly and I pray they will continue to grow in God's wisdom 😘😘😘😘😘

  25. Thank God for the gift He blessed you with..

    More wisdom upon them.

    Be grateful to then rather than ashamed.

  26. Dear poster, your kids are courageous. This made me remember my childhood. Though things are better now or maybe because I have more control as an adult, what you described here was my childhood. Parents don't usually know/understand the impact of quarrelling on a child's psych or at least I don't think my parents understood what it did to me. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I understood that couples quarell and reconcile but it's better to have left the marriage than subject your kids to such emotional damage forcing them to take sides. I will not exchange my parents for anything but the constant quarels affected me so much that at 26yrs of age, I've never been in a relationship not because I don't want to but because I'm afraid of hating someone I claimed to once love or being hurt.

    1. So sorry about how you feel anon. Maybe you should go for therapy or counselling. Prayer also helps.

    2. Begin to journal your fears and concerns
      See a therapist
      Pick carefully a man who will be able to understand and calmly love you and you can respect
      Remember you are not your parents

      Always pray and thank GOD for getting the best man for you


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