Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Friday, April 07, 2023

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmm...


STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WICKED MOTHER; WICKED WIFE

Dear Stella,

Kindly help me to post so that bvs can have their input on what we should do before my mum finally kills my father. It is going to be a very long write up but I will try to make it short, I want to make it long so that people can understand and advise accordingly.

We are 8 but lost one, we are 5 girls and 2 boys. My mum saw hell from my uncle (I.e my father’s younger brother), his mother, his sister cos my mum was having girls. My mum had 3 girls before a boy and another 3 girls then a boy. When we reallocated to the east my uncle took the house my dad gave him money to build and put us in boys quarters, just three rooms no toilet or bathroom. My uncle collected all the lands my grandfather gave to my father. My uncle was farming on then since my dad wasn’t in the village but now that my dad is back my uncle claimed they are all his.

People spoke to my parents to let go of all the landed properties, go else where to buy farm land cos my uncle was those people who do native doctor things. He kills anyone who crosses his way, he takes lives of villagers who have arguments with him. My dad is not a troublemaker so he allowed peace to reign by ignoring his brother, left all the properties including the house he gave him money to build for him.
We started struggling, to feed was a problem, my mum started buying farmlands from the place her sister was married. Her sister gave her some lands with her husband to farm. We suffered to eat food, we go to the farm without food, we go to school on an empty stomach. My mum did her best to make sure we went to secondary school, my dad is an I don’t care person and hardly give us school fees.

 My mum was the man in the family, she had sleepless night to make sure we eat food. She struggled to make things better but all those things my mum went through she didn’t leave my dad, she is still married to him till date.

My mum lost her parents when she was just 7 and she started to serve her uncle from that age. She said the suffering was much and she needed to be free so she agreed to marry my father. Imagine after all the suffering from her uncle she still suffered with my father. In 2010 my uncle died, his wife died few years later. Presently my dad is the oldest surviving son of his father, my grandfather married two wives.

To the main reason I am sending this chronicle is that my mum has allowed the suffering and anger she harbors for my father and his family to kill her joy. That woman has no joy, she complains a lot, she begs, she is aggressive to anyone, she has a bad attitude towards human beings. My mum has refused to forgive my dad, our village people who refused to help us when we came back from the city. My mum is still carrying anger of those days plus anger that she went to do house girl for her uncle.

God has blessed we her children a little that we can send her monthly upkeep, we pay all her bills, my brother built a duplex in my village for my parents, we placed my parents on monthly allowance plus we still do all their medical expenses. We told my mum to tell us anything she wants and we will do that for her. My brother opened borehole to make sure she doesn’t lack water but my mum has refused to give people free water. She complained of fueling the generator which we send her money for fuel on regular basis. We have begged her to pump water once in a weeks, two or a month and allow people come fetch for free. We told her to even give them free water during festive period but still our mother will never listen. If you try to give people water when you are around or things your brought home from the city you and her will have problems.

We all are avoiding her trouble that is why we find it very difficult to visit her, when you visit her after that first night you both must argue or exchange words. My mum must provoke you, you cannot hold a constructive conversation with her without any quarrel. How can you tell her you are coming back and she cannot make fresh food, cook good meal for you to eat on top all the money she get in a month oh from all of us. My mum is stingy, selfish, she keeps complaining no money even when we send her up to 100k or even more monthly. Just she and my dad what do they do with such amount when she not the one buying raw food or paying any medical bills.

My dad had eye problems which we brought him to Abuja and did the two eyes surgery, he stayed for over a year with my elder brother before he went back. Everyday my mum keep calling complaining how her leg is paining her, how she fell from upstairs, how the house is too big for her alone to stay in there. We asked her to get a child to be staying with her but she refused. We got over four children to stay with my parents but after a few week those children will go that my mums attitude is driving them. My niece couldn’t stay either, one of her complain was that my dad was looking at those girls. My dad that is old. We later brought back my dad home to stay with his wife for peace.

To the main issue on ground, my dad had partial stroke in February which my mum was hiding from us and she didn’t tell us what was happening. It was my brother’s mother in law who informed us of his condition and even send us the video of how my dad was. My mum only said his BP was high, we paid all the hospital bills after he stayed for two weeks plus. We finally started native which gave us better result. My dad is finally back on his feet but just that he bed wets once in a while. We pleaded with my Mum to get someone to start staying with her but after so much pressure she agreed.

She got a boy who is 13 years and my dad was happy to have someone to gist with. My mum doesn’t allow anyone to visit my dad . He finds it difficult to go out or leave the house cos of his old age and health. This boy just moved in with them in less than a month and he already told us he want to leave cos my mum attitude is not okay. We are planning to register him in school after Easter break cos he said he want to go back to school. We are making all arrangement to register him, buy him all that he will be needing for school but with the recent development the boy has asked us to put everything on hold. The complain my mum gave to us was that the boy eats too much, the boy will finish her rice, she is angry cos he went to Virgil one day oh. This food part she has always complain about it even from the previous girls. I think she is stingy with the food we buy for her and my dad. You are not the one to buy food or give money yet you complain and will not allow children eat food. We giving the money are not complaining, your own is to call us that food is finished and we all will make arrangement to stock your house.

With my dads condition my mum locks him inside the house alone to go to market, farm, church, bank or anywhere she wants to go to. We have told her its very dangerous to leave him alone cos anything can happen. We have all spoken to her at different intervals. We have pleaded with her to please tolerate someone to stay with her. We told her to stop going to farm, we pay people to farm for her but she is angry why we do that. if you cannot reach her and give message to someone to tell her to call you she will be angry and quarrel with you. 

She keep saying Jesus will take care of my dad and she will leave him to stay alone at home. What else is left to be done to make this woman see reasons why she need someone to stay with her. She need a help.

There is a woman in my village that does home service work. We told my mum to allow the woman come clean, arrange the house for her, help her with house chores. We are willing to negotiate price and pay the woman monthly but my Mum refused. Our house is always dusty cos my mum cannot do all the chores plus take care of my dad. Why is my Mum heartless, why is she planning on killing my father before his time . I know my dad knows she is planning to kill him cos of the way she treats him . How can my mum be shouting at my sick father who cannot help himself. Why does she derive joy to see the man suffer or die?

 My sister that stays in the east once she visits my Mum will be giving her attitude. That one just stayed on her lane. We all cannot visit our parent cos of her attitude. We told her to be buying fresh fish to cook so that my dad can eat it but she will always cook with dry fish. Imagine cooking with Dry fish that is strong when my dad cannot even chew

I have told my mum that if she kills my dad, we all will abandon her till she dies.

 Have we not done enough for her to let go of the past and move on ?My dad is old and doesn’t have much time to stay on earth, this woman wants to make sure he dies painful even when his children have let go of his short comings and love him. I cannot say everything cos I am tired of typing, we all are fed up with talking to my mum on same issue. If not for my dad’s health we all will ignore her attitude, we cannot bring my dad to the city cos its not convenient for now .

I am second to the last child and I am 38 years old. I am still believing God for a husband. I wish there is something I can do to take my father away from that house and leave her alone to stay.
Thank you


WOW
Your mum is mentally sick and needs help oh...Her attitude is not normal... I am so sorry that this is happening....Maybe one of you should take time off and go to the village to stay and put things in order...When one person leaves, anther can come to stay, you people can be doing it like that otherwise i dont see any other solution...I dont think taking your DAD AWAY from the house is a solution...
I also dont think you people understand what is happening to your mum...She has become a psychiatric case and needs serious help..  Please handle her with a lot of love.......... I wish your family all the best!
I pray someone provides advice that will help

95 comments:

  1. Mental health is real. Unfortunately the old people don't fancy seeing a therapist. My dad has severe, I mean severe anger issues deep rooted from his childhood. No matter how we try to cajole him to see a therapist, he ignores it. It is well I just give him distance. I can't kill myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That’s where the issue is but she really does need therapy.

      This right here are one of the reasons I encourage therapy and separation, we hold too tightly to situations and places that do not bring us happiness but such toxicity has ripple effect if we keep managing such environments.
      We expect women to manage whatever cards they are dealt, she left a difficult home to another difficult home, her uncle dint stand up for her and she married another man who never did either, she carried it all on her shoulder and her inner child is screaming and revolting, that’s why she snaps at everyone she feels is trying to use her head.
      She also complains of different sicknesses in order to seek attention, an attention she never had from her uncle or husband, you have all become her love tank but because she doesn’t even know how to seek it or what true love and care looks like, she also cannot understand how to accept love, hereby leaving you people drained.
      I can relate to your chronicle in so many ways.

      Your mum is stingy and selfish because she came from a place of generational poverty which has wrapped her mentality even though she is not poor. It’s hard for someone who is over 50years of age to break her walls and start changing. Change starts with acknowledgment which she hasn’t accepted.

      You all have a lot of work to do, I think you should consider separation cus she has so much anger towards your dad, who never fought for her or helped her out, you may think they are both old and don’t need it, but they do. Your dad also needs care which she’s not willing to provide so separate them.

      Secondly, she may not be willing to speak to a therapist so you can talk to someone who she respects,( probably a priest or pastor).
      You all need to keep assuring her of your love, that inner child needs to be heard, spoken to, hugged and reassured.
      Right now don’t start with condemnation, start with understanding, show love but first let your father stay with your sister who is in the east while you all do the work on her.
      In due time she can see a therapist, you can even add incentives as a motivation to each session she attends.

      This is why I try to leave every toxic situation (friendship or relationship) cus one way or the other it affects you, your instincts picks up to either fight or flight, and if you decide to fight you adopt bad habits as a form of survival.

      A bad childhood or marriage can really mar you in so many ways.


      Push up (original)

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    2. Thank you Push Up

      She went from suffering at 7 years old
      To suffering in marriage
      To suffering as a daughter in law
      To suffering as a mother
      To suffering as a caregiver.

      She deserves to snap at the world if she wants to.

      KING XOXO MYSTERY

      Delete
    3. My dear, the ripple effect of trauma enh… people really take it for granted
      That’s why I always speak against any form of discrimination
      Bigotry
      Racial
      Gender
      In such every form
      Looks at black Americans today, still suffering from rev bondage of slavery and people just expect them to move on, until you haven’t been treated badly, you can never understand.
      Their dad even needs to follow her for therapy so she can say her mind out to his face, have him accept and sincerely apologize before healing can begin.


      Push up (original)

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    4. snapping at the world is understandable, but I dont know if it is what she deserves

      Delete
    5. Hire a resident care giver/ cook
      Hire a cleaner.

      Get a trusted relative keep all 3 on hold and whisk your mum away for a holiday have them run the house while she is away

      This way your dad is stabilised and taken care of

      Delete
    6. Poster, you guys asked her to forgive and move on? Have you also asked your father to acknowledge his actions and inactions and apologize to your mother? He abandoned his responsibility towards ensuring that you kids made something out of your lives and she bore it all. Do you know the anxiety, worry, fear, sleepless nights, and hardwork she put in? Now you all love your father and she is a wicked woman? No be una fault. This is why some people now advice women not to give their all to their children. If she had abandoned you guys like your father and you all ended up like some of the other villagers that had no one who sacrificed so much to see them succeed, you wouldn't be in a position to paint her as troublesome. She needs to heal and none of you have invested the time or resources to get her the help she needs but can take care of your father in Abuja for a year. Take your mother and get her an avenue to go through her anger and hurt and also get people who wronged her to apologize to her. She needs help dealing with all she has been through. Throwing money or food at her without acknowledging that her feelings are valid will only make out worse.

      Delete
    7. Anon18.14. All decisions she made, did anybody force her to make those choices? Shebhad better do better and stop acting like a child. She made her bed, so lie on it and stop constituting a nuisance in old age.

      Delete
    8. Anonymous 6.35. Why would the abandon the children? Did they force her to born them like rats? I am sure she was th one looking for male child upandan. The father seems laid back, she probably made those choices, pls let people take responsibility for their decisions.

      Delete
  2. Aww poor mama pls hug her tight and tell her how much you love her and appreciate all her suffering. Pls find a therapist for her she’s seriously in past pain she’s finding it difficult to forgive. Pls seek help for her. I understand and appreciate her pain cos I was once there but God stepped in.πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ˜­

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  3. The best is to take your dad away.if not you people will loose him.
    Nothing will make your mum to change except GOD intervene.
    So you people should be managing her from afar.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You focus only on the negative of your mother . How about the positive? You think it’s easy staying with the same man that maltreated her ? Now you’ve forgiven your father she’s now the villain welldone you hear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As I read the post, I expected to see a comment like yours. I know more may be down or will come.

      Why did she cry for his return Instead of jubilating? To punish him more?

      May God grant us all healing.

      Delete
    2. Gbam. I feel like slapping the hell out of this poster! You people are mean!!! Do you know the years of hard labor and hell she went through?!?!? She’s exhibiting these behaviors because of years of pain and hurt! Y’all quickly forgive your dad that didn’t give shit about you guys growing up and over pampering him. You people are mean and I’m sure enabled your dads shitty behavior because you want his love! This is the time you guys should show your mom love!!! You guys betrayed her!!! Gosh I’m so mad. 😑 her attitude is justifiable!! Some of these naija men are wicked to their wives at a much younger age!!! Now because he’s old, una don over look his jacked up behavior and I’m sure y’all didn’t call out his bullshit! Did he ever genuinely apologize to your mom?? Did he??? Did he do anything to make up for those years of pain? Is he taking better good care of her especially emotionally?? I bet you he didn’t. Wicked man, wicked children!!! If I were your mom, I’d move out and continue to collect allowance from you guys and you people can find someone to take care of your dad! How the hell should she take care of him in old age when he didn’t care for her!!! 😑

      Delete
    3. Anty anon 15:22 but if it is this same chronicle i read, the OP started by saying all the good qualities of their mom, the way she sacrificed for them, she made sure they went to sch, stayed hungry to put food on their table, heck she even paid their sch fees, u didn’t see whr the op said their dad was even careless esp with their sch fees. So what more do u want?

      Delete
    4. Anon 16:37, I feel like slapping you. If we all look like what we've been through, this world will be a mess.

      Some of us have had it rough in life, but we aren't mean to people around us.

      Some of us had an abysmally terrible childhood. We always went to school hungry. Our clothes were always torn. Guess what? My siblings and I don't go about being mean to people because we didn't have a rosy childhood.

      Delete
    5. I don’t even understand
      They just expect her to snap out of it.
      Poster, it’s like squeezing a fresh piece of paper, then expecting it to become fresh again without any rumple… even if you iron that paper it will never become fresh again.
      That’s what trauma does to our mental health


      Push up (original)

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    6. But na the papa dem dey over pamper. This world sha. Make your mom just hold on to Christ and fully trust in him.

      Delete
    7. You people will carry feminism and enter every conversation. This is her father she is talking about. Not some random guy.
      Shey when the man finally dies in the hands of their mother , you will rest.

      Delete
    8. Binam we’re talking about a woman that’s suffered a huge traumatic experience most her life! Since age 7 and you expect posters mom to just snap out of it??? We’re talking about deep rooted emotional abuse and not just poverty you’re talking up. Abeg abeg you don’t get it! A lot of you guys need to attend trauma classes to really figure out why some of our parents/families are the way they are! They were once young and went through their own ishh so don’t forget that.

      Delete
  5. Let that your sister that is staying in east carry your father to her house before your mother kill him o

    ReplyDelete
  6. I wish Nigerians will embrace therapy. It’s not only mad people that needs therapy. Issues like this could have been long resolved if therapy was a culture here.
    Poster your mum needs help. She is seriously hurting from past trauma.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you for this comment. NIGERIANS EMBRACE THERAPY. The aged don't even fancy it. So sad 😭.

      Delete
    2. Like!!! She is carrying so much hurt from the past, she is mentally and emotionally broken, imaging suffering from age 7 till old age!!
      God abeg.
      Poster your dad needs to be in a different house for the time being till you guys can help your mum find peace and sanity.
      She really needs long therapy.

      Delete
  7. Very sad. Your mum has been mentally affected from all the things she experienced and went through from an early age. Those times, she has to work to raise you guys up and managed every thing to be able to cater for you guys is while you think she is stingy. It has become a part of her and will likely remain so. The pain she felt with how your uncle and village people treated your family also fueled these sentiments in her especially towards your dad whom she thinks couldn't protect and cater for her and the children. There is little you guys can do to help her but first she needs closure from her past. Tell your dad to apologize to her for the past and also renew his love for her. That will go a long way. All her children should come together with her and your dad, let her know that you all appreciate all the things she did to raise you guys up, promise her that you will always stay by her and take care of her. Invite a pastor or priest she listens to too. Then, take her to see a psychology. You guys can also plan on taking her away from the village to the city from time to time to experience a new atmosphere. This will remove her mind from so many things. Good luck to you guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, there really needs to be a family meeting with all the children present.
      She needs to really pour her heart and soul out and rid herself of the pent up emotions and negative energy.

      Delete
  8. Well, i think for now, ur best bet is to take your dad away from the village and bring him to the city. It doesn’t have to be you, may be one of ur married brothers. You people can arrange the BQ very well for him and employ somebody to be caring for him. That way you all can keep an eye on him. Remember, he has just few years remaining from the way you described, it might even be sooner than you think. Please don’t leave him there with her.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Poster are you sure your mum isn't related to my mum. You just described my mum up there.
    When we her children send money to her she can never tell anyone. Let's say i sent money to her,she can never tell my siblings. When they call she'll still be complaining of no money. Only her stay in our big house,anybody we bring they'll go and refuse to stay cos of her character. Ewo I can't finish writing about her character here o.
    Poster,it is well with your dad. She's just angry and bitter and she's transferring the anger to anyone close to her. Does she go to church,as in Bible believing church because it's only the words of God that can soften her heart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like my dad tooπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. They must all be related!

      Delete
  10. Hmm this is very serious I don't know what to say my mum went through a lot before she died but she was never bitter towards anyone infact most times I will look at her and say God please give me grace to serve you like these because she really served Christ and was very dedicated at church,I pray she finds solution.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I's not a competition between your mum and hers. She's seeking solution not comparison.

      Delete
    2. The way human beings react to triggering situations are different.
      Place 10 children in the same room and expose them to various stimuli and watch them react differently.
      Such is life, that's the reason some people fail just 1 0r 2 courses and choose to commit suicide, while some others will drop out of school and easily snap out of their woe.

      Delete
  11. This could be a mental health issue but still,if you really want your dad to stay longer,it's either you relocate him to one of the children's home or you get an old people's home and take him there.

    From the look of things none of you is ready to stay back to nurse him because of your mum's attitude ,yet you can't ignore him.
    They both need different therapies ,but the sick man should be given more priority.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why should he be given more priority?? For what?!?!!! Why?

      Delete
    2. Anon 18:36, because he just suffered a partial stroke for Crissakes!!

      What's all this man hating on this blog about?

      Delete
  12. A woman who did househelp and suffered
    Married a man and continued suffering
    While your father folded his hands and watched you people.

    If that woman did not hustle to get you people where you are, will you be talking?
    Give that woman the same grace you are giving your irresponsible non challant father.

    Heal heal heal
    How
    Did you pay for a therapist for her?
    That stress affected her brain, that stress destroyed her . The wickedness of his relatives dehumanised her. She learned to trust herself as a survival skill.

    Look at your mouth "is it not enough for her to forget?"
    How na?
    Be grateful she didn't divorce him now.
    Be grateful she didn't abandon your lazy father and her football team of children to remarry.

    How can you keep calm and watch her take such load and expect her not to suffer the ripple effect of stress?

    Better treat your mother well.

    KING XOXO MYSTERY

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    Replies
    1. That’s why I love xoxo very real somebody

      Delete
    2. Thank you. Poster you all including your dad should go down on your knees and beg that woman while extolling her virtues. Sing her praises to the high heavens amidst tears still on your knees while asking for forgiveness. If only you know the trauma and suffering that your mum has passed through just for you guys to survive and be where you are today. If only you know. I weep on behalf of your mum. She's a strong woman

      Delete
    3. I agree
      The man is your father and you’re trying to act like he’s her husband
      He’s not. Go and take your father away and don’t let him burden your mother again

      Delete
    4. Gave birth to a whole 8 children plus suffering!! I for don leave that marriage since or do family planning. But I’m sure that woman was on her own with a lot of trauma! Which made it hard to leave. Now poster get mouth to talk! Una dey crazeeeeee!!!!

      Delete
    5. I literally have tears and anger at the same time. As in what the hell did I just readdd. Your mom needs emotional support and you guys dare not talk anyhow about her behavior!! You think it’s easy going through that type of pain for years??? You think it’s easy???? The emotional support from the children is lacking. You failed that woman and papa dey enjoy the fruit he didn’t labor for😭😭😭😭😭😭 ahh poster, you people should all go on your knees including your f***cking father! All of una must beg her!

      Delete
    6. @anon18:29 she also couldn’t leave cus people probably told her to face her children and not be bothered by what her husband does. Now look at the children, threatening to cut her off if anything happens to their dad.
      Dear women, don’t only focus on your children o, focus on your happiness, focus on your growth, she should have used the money to educate herself instead of having so much children, who are running their mouths today
      Poster if she had cut you off nko? A lot of women have run away and left their children, but I am sure she dint want you people growing up with any uncle and suffering what she did. Its funny how your father that couldn’t contribute had enough energy to keep impregnating the bread winner.

      Delete
    7. Forgiveness isn’t just for the person that wronged you. It is more for the persons that was wronged.

      Why?

      To avoid resentment, bitterness, and a heavy heart.

      Poster’s mother went through a lot. She suffered as a child and wife.

      But she held on to resentments, anger and unforgiveness against people.

      What has it cost her?

      She is still suffering! Even when there is no need to suffer.

      She has denied herself ‘the reward’ for the sacrifices she made for herself and her children.

      She is unable to enjoy the rewards her children are blessing her with.

      She is still bitter even when there is absolutely nothing to be bitter about.

      She is sadly wasting her reward years because she held on for too long to the wrongs/evils done to her.

      Who lost?

      Delete
    8. Shut the f**ck up anon 19:41. What do you mean there’s absolutely nothing to be bitter about?? People handle trauma and pain differently and you have No audacity to say she shouldn’t feel this way. It’s her pain, she went through it alone and not with you! Some can’t overcome this without the help of a professional because it’s deeply rooted. Biko don’t annoy me this evening!!! You don’t have to comment damn it!

      Delete
  13. All the suffering your mother endured has made her into who she is. Soldiers who go to war and return with ptsd and all kinds of mental illness. Your mother fought a war her entire life and it damaged her. What you are witnessing is how deep adversity is, and damaging to the spirit, removing natural good reasoning. Your mother is not wicked per se, if she was, you and your siblings could not be the well adjusted people that you are today. Sufering takes a toll on ppl. Nobody is that strong, even the strongest tree can be chopped down

    I have a friend who has been married for 10 years and have suffered in many different ways in that decade. I see a vacantness in her eyes, a sort of awayness. People learn to cope in different ways, some disassociate, some become dark, some just try to hang on. Invite your mother to the possibility of counselling. Encourage her to join a community group focused on helping others. Encourage her to even go back to school, learn something new. Just anything that can shift the energy and open up an opportunity for light and joy to enter her life once again. Whomever she once was is still in there, she just needs to remember that and work to remove the junk that life tossed on her to carry. Redemption is possible, may your true mother return to you all.

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    1. Poster your mom started suffering since the age of SEVEN! First as a maid with her own uncle (who knows if he even sexually molested her?) then as a wife, mom and in-law. Her wound is DEEP. She doesn’t want to kill your dad, she just has no more emotions left to give anyone since life has been so cruel to her. Most Nigerians suffer some form of PTSD and like some have said need to embrace therapy.

      Take her and her husband to Abuja. Let all of you meet up with her with a hood pastor with a background in Counseling and APOLOGIZE for her pain. Your dad needs to apologize and beg her for forgiveness. Let the pastor pray with you all there and look for Bible verses on forgiveness for her to meditate upon. Tell her how much you love and appreciate her every time you speak to her on phone. Let her know the wickedness and weaknesses of her abusers were NOT her fault, that God didn’t abandon her. If there is a good therapist in Abuja, let her go for some sessions before returning to the village. Srnd her back with tapes on forgiveness and love and pray for her. Her bitterness is not even allowing her to be there for you as I’m sure you would have loved as a single woman. It may take a while but she will heal. Have your dad tell her how much he loves and appreciates her everyday. It’s never too late. Have her read stories of those who had it tougher and help her to see & count her blessings. Frankly much as I like her to share with village folks, I don’t care about them as they watch the oppression of women and do nothing . As for the boy that lives with her, plead with him to stay, if you can have his food stipe d sent daily directly, I don’t know if it’s a good idea but as your mom heals she will love him and see him as her grandchild.

      Delete
    2. The same father they are pitying, if anything happens to their mother, he will remarry immediately.

      Poster, for once, ask your father to man up to his responsibilities and apologise to your mother.

      KING XOXO MYSTERY

      Delete
    3. Well said anon I wish poster can come back to read this. This post is an eye opener for some of us whose parents are living with ptsd and we haven’t appreciated their pain instead we call them names.

      Delete
    4. Anon 16:39, I love your comment. Only thing is, she doesn’t necessarily need to stay with her husband anymore after counseling/forgiveness. The love and care he should have shown her during their youth, na now he wan dey show am especially now that he’s not so strong anymore. It’s very very painful man. They all need counseling, including children and papa needs to beg and completely apologize. I’m sure none of the children challenged the Goddamn man for treating their mom this way. Instead they’re spoiling him!!! The kids betrayed their mom mann. I’m pained for that woman. They should treat her specially and a lot more for going through so much for them. It’s almost as if dad is getting better treatment than mom because of her behavior. Her behavior that’s justifiable!! Wicked children!!! Ps: remove your mom from the village and ask her where she’d like to stay after much needed counseling. This is the time to care for your mom no matter how much she’s acting out!! You people shd rally round that woman and do whatever you need to do for her to heal! Along with prayers.

      Delete
  14. Poster, the truth is that your mum is mentally unstable. All that happened to her in the past affected her mental health.
    She needs medical attention not deliverance.
    Pray for her while she is receiving medical treatment.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anger is a very bad thing.

    Poster, you guys should handle your mum with love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What more love than described in this long post?

      Poster, divide the provision in two. Give her portion to her. Take your father out of that place to another place, give him his share and arrange for a care giver to attend to his needs.

      Sorry, this is the type of story some of us here like to hear - that the man suffered in his last days as karma. So expect to be made as if your complaints are baseless or too much.

      Delete
  16. I also need therapy please if u know any therapist around sangotedo ajah please do share their number with me

    ReplyDelete
  17. Take your mother out of the place that constantly reminds her of all the bad times in her life!

    The village is the place where she and her family had to relocate when finances took a down turn.
    It is the same place that people turned their backs on her, when she needed their assistance.
    The village is the place were her in-laws tormented her for having mostly female children.

    The village represents negativity to your mum, so her continuing to stay there will only make her more embittered.

    Would you deliberately take a victim to the scene of the crime?? Offcourse not...so keeping your mum there is only reminding her of her traumatic experiences.

    She needs a change of scenery...maybe even a vacation in a different country. It doesn't even have to be abroad...take her to a neighbouring country. Plan fun activities. Try new experiences. Give her a chance to see a different kind of life, than the one she has known since childhood.

    All the best!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you.

      KING XOXO MYSTERY

      Delete
    2. Poster’s mom is traumatized. I’m sure poster doesn’t even know the emotional pain her mom carried on her shoulder all these years. You people should convince her to see a professional therapist or someone she respects and can confide in. And yes I agree to her relocating to maybe same city as poster(don’t let her live with you. She’s really damaged). A nice self contain care taker and she can visit you once in a while. She needs to be Away from the man that damaged her. I also don’t know why she didn’t leave! She should have left that man as soon as you guys were out of the house and on your own! There wasn’t any point staying with the same man that fucked her up over and over all in the name to answer Mrs! Poster I pray you don’t end up like your dad because a lot of us tend to marry a man similar to our father’s behavior we’re used to and grew up it. You’ll need to really pray and use discerning spirit to choose a good husband.

      Delete
    3. Exactly @SMH
      That mentality she heard during the heard time can only go out if she stay out of that environment.
      If is possible let that boy stay with your dad only for a week or two, take your mum with you.
      Take her out.
      Trust you read that chronicle a wife advice her husband to take her mum out on a date and that gave her mum one of the best memorable of her life.
      If possible fly her to Abuja.
      If done that to my mum and she can't stop telling people how travelling by air feels like.
      What you mum needs is to show her love at this point.
      Understand her pains,
      My mum some times nag but we understand her because of all she had passed through in the family too.

      Delete
    4. She even lost a child through it all, who no go kolo?

      Delete
    5. Environment truly matters. When your dad was ill, he was taken to the city and taken care of for a year. Your mom probably felt she was sort of abandoned and maybe needed a vacation from the village, and probably why she started acting up about having accidents trying to also get ya'lls attention. May God give you all wisdom because what you are dealing with is very complex. There are really good suggestions in the comments. Also pray for her. The love of God can do wonders. You all are trying with the provision and all but make sure she doesn't doubt that she is loved and appreciated. All the best.

      Delete
    6. Lady T/worth more than a thousand dollars7 April 2023 at 23:23

      @SMH, you hit this one on the head. She needs to be moved out of that place. She doesn't have good memories of the village. That will traumatized her the more.
      Another thing is she will keed thinking there was something more she could have done. So there is some guilt weighing her down as well.

      Delete
  18. Try making your father understand why your mum is bitter, let him apologize to her wholeheartedly and see how that goes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is not enough to apologise. He should make up for it. He should be lovey dovey and care more.

      KING XOXO MYSTERY

      Delete
  19. If she didn't slave, you won't be typing this, would you? Cut her some slack same way you did your dad. Her feelings are valid. Same character is what you are displaying. Anger issues runs in the blood. Be patient with her, howmany years does she have left? Cut her some slack.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Suffering do change people. My mum was a quiet type before my dad's death but after his death she nags a lot and even though she's being kept on monthly allowance she will still complain that it wasn't enough, but she's never stingy she gives to a fault, she embrace God totally. She suffered when she was tender after her mother's death, she was there for her siblings but when they started making money they turned their back on her. She has forgiven all of them but for me, I forgave them from distance and don't want to associate with them ever in this world. My mum likes us to come and visit her often even when it's not convenient she will still complain. Me too, what I passed through after my dad's death and heartbreak equally changed me that I don't have emotions or love in me, funny enough I'm married to a good man and my fear is not loving him like he deserves. I wish to love him but I have no love in me , married cos age is not on my side and because he's a good man not because I love him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God gave you that man for a reason, just bask in the bliss of it all, when you see yourself going off call yourself back .
      I always tell myself God gave me a man with a manual on how to operate me…enjoy him

      Push up (original)

      Delete
    2. Please try to get therapy. God bless you.

      Delete
  21. Your mom needs all the love and care in the world if possible, please take her out of that village. There are too many sad memories for her there.

    She needs to heal from all the pain and trauma, you can seek professional help for her too.

    Your dad needs to apologise for the way he has treated her in the past.

    Your mom is a strong woman to have raised you all so well. Hugs and love to her.

    I really wish it was physically possible to hug your mom right now, hold her hands and share God's love and grace with her.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Please since you guys are well to do, rent a place for your dad in town and find a help ( preferably a boy ) to take care of him and also send your mum her own allowance. Case closed

    ReplyDelete
  23. we send her up to 100k or even more monthly.

    100k a month is not plenty for two people even you buy most of the food, there are still other things

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Other things like what pls?

      Delete
    2. 17.59 I’m sorry I can’t answer that question for a grown person
      Look at your own life and think of what you need in a month

      Delete
  24. My mum was the man in the family, she had sleepless night to make sure we eat food. She struggled to make things better but all those things my mum went through she didn’t leave my dad, she is still married to him till date********** This paragraph is enough to show that she shouldn't have married your father. Wickedness is in your father's DNA hence you are spitting this. How can you type this and not have grace for your mother?

    With my dads condition my mum locks him inside the house alone to go to market, farm, church, bank or anywhere she wants to go to. We have told her its very dangerous to leave him alone cos anything can happen. We have all spoken to her at different intervals. We have pleaded with her to please tolerate someone to stay with her. We told her to stop going to farm, we pay people to farm for her but she is angry why we do that. if you cannot reach her and give message to someone to tell her to call you she will be angry and quarrel with you. She keep saying Jesus will take care of my dad and she will leave him to stay alone at home. What else is left to be done to make this woman see reasons why she need someone to stay with her. She need a help********** Recall your dad folded his hands and allowed you people to suffer particularly cos you are female children. Your father is not a Saint.

    There is a woman in my village that does home service work. We told my mum to allow the woman come clean, arrange the house for her, help her with house chores. We are willing to negotiate price and pay the woman monthly but my Mum refused. Our house is always dusty cos my mum cannot do all the chores plus take care of my dad. Why is my Mum heartless, why is she planning on killing my father before his time . I know my dad knows she is planning to kill him cos of the way she treats him . How can my mum be shouting at my sick father who cannot help himself. Why does she derive joy to see the man suffer or die?*********** She should never allow this else the home service woman will chase her out of the duplex , marry your dad and you people will support her because you inherited your fathers wicked DNA.

    I have told my mum that if she kills my dad, we all will abandon her till she dies ***** This is why she should have abandoned you people when you got to the village, remarried a better man and have grateful children. She wasted her life in poverty , ended up with ungrateful children and bitterness.

    Can't you leave your work, move in with your parents and take care of your sweet dad? Aka ogbajiri gi?


    Take that woman out of that village.
    Take her to a new environment. Let her enjoy once for once.
    Take her on vacation...not a wicked vacation where you plan to deal with her while you save your dad. Save both of them. Love both of them. Love your mom.

    KING XOXO MYSTERY

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. King xoxo thank you. Love all your comments. Wicked wicked and mean spirited children just like their papa!!! That woman suffered for them and see the f**king shit she’s spewing from her mouth. If I catch you poster and your siblings, na me go first flog una then get men to beat you people for not showing up for a woman that stood for all of you guys! She deserves more than 100k monthly just her alone!! She deserves love from you guys. She shd have abandoned you people I swear. Ps: send this link to the rest of your siblings to really see what you people are doing to your mother!

      Delete
    2. Dont mind the ungrateful children. That woman suffered all her life, this shaped her and made her emotionless. She truly deserves a one month vacation. She deserves rest. After the vacation, you all will have a meeting and reassure her of your love. After then, get your parents a live out nanny that will not be eating in the house cos food dey always cause quarrel.

      Delete
  25. Mama need to visit a therapist.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I don't blame you na! She took all the blows for you all that's why you have mouth now.

    It's so easy for people to belittle your scars rather than try to relate with them and help you heal.
    See how easy it is for you to judge and accuse her of wanting to kill your 'precious' father that wasn't man enough to take the blows for his family.
    Yet she was the one who took all the blows that left her with everlasting scars.

    Because you now have small money you now think her problem is money.

    I don't know why Nigerians don't know how to communicate and show real love.

    It's unfortunate that because of the environment she is in, she may die a frustrated bitter woman without being able to find the healing and love that she so obviously needs.

    And even in this situation, all of your selfishness is showing.
    I mean, you all love your father so much and fear for his life right? So why isn't any of you selfless enough to carry the burden of taking care of him??

    You people are actually the wicked and evil ones.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gbam πŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎ evil and ungrateful piece of shit children and father!! All of una dey madddd!!! Papa who was never there for you people is the one you’re all showing love to, pampering and because you couldn’t tolerate mom’s behavior based on her own traumatic e experiences, una no wan deal with her instead of making serious effort to compensate what she has been through. Also she lost a child in addition to her already piled up pain and suffering and you expect to act normal, gentle and sweet?? Ehn???? If that woman place a curse on you people, hmmmm make I no just talk. Do better poster, you and your siblings!

      Delete
    2. All I’m praying is for her to know Christ completely and forgive so she can rest well in Christ after this earth. Because I can’t believe these children are actually caring more for a father that never cared for them. When they should do everything to focus on mom’s mental well being and maybe even place her on meds to help balance her brain chemistry after the hell she went through. Poster una no try for your mom and my heart actually bleeds for her. Wish I could take her away from you all and care for her myself and accommodate her excesses because no human being will come out the same or completely sane after all she went through. I really hope you and your siblings are now seeing why and different perspectives on things. No be your moms fault. Do whatever you can to help this woman that stood there for you people! And NO, she shouldn’t be the one to care for your dad! Absolutely NOT. NO.

      Delete
  27. Separate them. Let your mum and dad leave the village to stay with one of their children. You guys should rotate the job annually or biannually. Or preferably, your mum should stay permanently with your sister that says in the east which is closer to home so she can easily travel to the village from time to time to go inspect her house in the village to avoid trespassers.

    When your music stays with you she won't have so much freedom to act anyhow in your home so long as you accord her respect. Don't make bad remarks about her as she stays in your home if not she may wants to leave soon. Make sure you take her out from time to time: then during her stay with you,please make sure she sees a therapist.

    2ndly, your dad needs to apologize for all the years of pain he caused her. His apology will help her to heal fast.

    I did not proofread .I hope you understand what I wrote


    ReplyDelete
  28. Think about it
    You’re mostly mad at your mum because when you want her to take a step, she says no
    If you stop trying to control her actions and just treat her like someone that can make her own decisions, you’ll get along

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @poster 19:38, you are correct too.

      Delete
  29. King XOXo,thank you for your comments.
    I feel for the mother. Women pls love your children but love yourself more so that you don't end up with this kind of Poster as children. my father this,my father that,father that didn't care.
    Do you know what it means to care for 8 kids not just financially but emotionally and in all aspect?
    I have not spoken to my dad this year because he disrespected my mom in public my saying things you don't even say to a neighbour let alone wife.
    Since you love your father so much,take him to your house and care for him but don't expect your mom to partake in his suffering at this age.If he tables are turned,your father will not lift a pin to help your mom

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Typical of my pops. Insulting my mom in the public. Very disgusting behaviour.

      Delete
  30. Your Mum has deep seated Trauma. She can be healed. It will take you to get a therapist to see her and talk with her over a period of time.
    To talk about what happened to her in the past and to help her let go. She probably has no idea of the rippling effect of what she is doing.

    While she was growing and going through this trauma she built a sense of self defense mechanism and that is what she still has and is exhibiting. Like Sdk said she is mentally sick.

    She locks up your Dad because he is hers and she doesn't want anyone taking him from her. Its a possesive stand and she doesn't realized it.

    When you took your Dad for the eye surgery you made her go through feeling alone and as though the only thing she had, had been taken from her thats another reason why she is the way she is. She sees everyone coming close as a threat.
    Another person that can help her is a priest if you are catholics or a pastor. Make sure they know about Trauma and how to help a person traumatized. The reason for a priest is that she will respect and listen to them.
    But know that your Mum is sick
    Her heart is sick. That is how most abused people react.
    I had to respond before i read the posts and response from others
    This is a clear case of a Traumatized and someone who was abused.

    ReplyDelete
  31. This story up there actually happened in my family....this posters story has actually given me a better perspective. In my case my grandmother and grandfather. My grandfather eventually died ..and the children are having a bad time forgiving their mum. Grandma too is having a harder time getting along with her kids. It does not end there...

    ReplyDelete
  32. POSTER!!!!! WHERE ARE YOUR FREAKING SIBLINGS? You all need to be flogged. Gather together and spoil this woman with love. Chaii women are suffering. And the end of the day I can never blame a lady who decides to pick a financially stable man. Because that alone should have put your father's younger brother in his place.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hmmm poster your mother deserves plenty love . Your father should stay with your sister in the east while you bring your mother over to stay with you. Use that period to appreciate and love her. Never argue or exchange words with her. All of you her children should shower her with love and sweet kind words. When you get married you will understand and appreciate her more. You people should do so before she passes on. Please fill the remaining days of her life with love, Joy and laughter.

    ReplyDelete
  34. It's so annoying that these women will give theor children and husbands everything and the only thing they can hang onto is their lives and i the end she will be tagged bitter. After all her Joy's have been taken, slaved away to make sure everything was bearable and you think it's not going to affect her? Please y'all be serious! Mothers are not superhuman. They are Humans! Y'all better kneel fie that woman. I am so upset

    ReplyDelete
  35. Poster you people you get someone that your mum listens to to talk to her maybe priest, pastor or her relatives. Anybody that you people notice she has regards for should talk to her constantly until she starts changing and then you can add a therapist.
    Bring her to the city, take her for evaluation and let a therapist talk to her. See she can't even enjoy what you people are sending to her if she hasn't forgiven everything so you dad should ask her for forgiveness and you people too.
    Pray for her too, pray that her heart is healed, and softened

    ReplyDelete
  36. The chronicle writer & her siblings should go learn about Trauma informed approach in order to relate better, understand their mother.
    *you don't/ can't expect a victim & helpess vulnerable child, woman to all of a sudden welcome person/ people who abused, maltreated her, hurt her so bad, caused her a lot of grief, painful memories ...be welcomed in her space!!!

    *She has no business looking after your father or even residing in the same dwelling (house/ address) together with him now.

    * your village people can practice self-help, go & buy water else where or look for another source of freebies in the village, if & when their "benefactor target" for charity declines or refuses to give them free water from her borehole.

    * Your mum is a traumatised person, and yes clearly it affected her sanity, or mental health severely, as you tell clear evidence she's clinically depressed looking at these behaviours from her with her relationship with people around her. Also you can't blame for having trust issues? Now, who will have her back if the table turns or if not for change of fortune today she's no longer destitute, broke and lacking in material things & sincere love as she did for almost all of her life since childhood.

    *** Yes I can relate with her, only difference is I don't even entertain or welcome people I hate, fear or have bad feelings about into my personal space or allow them any expectations of attention or the slightest interest from me by going near them or looking at their direction for anything again.

    *** Please let her be! You could find an adult, dependable family member or caregiver to send your father to go live with in another location, or remove your mum from the village and send her to another location where she'll be free from surroundings that is triggering from her past, and also accomodating of her behavioural issues and such concerns about how she will relate badly with people near her.

    This is life! Ce la vie!
    Shikena!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As in no business living with that man at all and caring for him. What sort of children are these for goodness sake. I’m shocked they’re tending more to their manipulative father just because of their mom’s behavior who by the way suffered for them. Ahh poster this pains me so deeply man. It’ll take a long time for your mom to fully recover once she starts therapy. That’s even if she’ll fully recover self because she’s much older now but it’ll go a long long way if she agrees to go. You guys can’t handle this on your own! Intervention needs to take place professionally. Your mom needs you guys more emotionally and I’m sure even more bitter now that you people are focusing so much on the man that treated her like shit and left her to only care for you all. I mean shey una no dey think am ni?? If not then, thank goodness you brought this here on Stella’s blog so people talk sense into your hard mean head just like una papa. You think money and material things are enough to snap out of it? You guys should pray for your mom and find a very good therapist and her genuinely finding God for this to really work. Una no try at all. Abeg forward this your chronicle to your harddd headed siblings so you people will know where to start! Wicked children!

      Delete
  37. She might even be filled with regrets for the choice of birthing 8 children, the suffering, the grief, hurt that she has to play nanny to a sick man who never had her back when the brother took all their inheritance.she made her choices, you her children have to be patient, take her away from that house (let her visit you for some weeks), ask her questions about those trying times and how she managed, encourage her to talk about it while you praise her resilience. Make her feel valued and please all through the visit don't talk about your dad directly. Spoil her a bit, give her a memorable trip and then finally when she's leaving tell her how much you love her. Her love tank is empty and she doesn't remember what it means to be gracious because she never received grace in her time of need. You my dear poster will have to show her how to, and hope that her love for you all will make her want to try.
    PS: it hurts when our children reject us as parents because they can see our character flaws, it can make a parent bitter even more. Trust me she can sense rejection from a mile away because her story is one of many rejections, and the best person to blame is the father of her children.
    Precix

    ReplyDelete
  38. This chronicle brought tears to my eyes. My own mum also suffered in marriage but stayed put. Dad was very wicked and mean 😭😭. She told us she noticed his wickedness a few months after marrying him, before she even got pregnant. He was wicked even in ill-health and old age, till he died, he died a wicked man. His people in the village too were equally wicked to her before and after his death.
    It still pains me till today that she refused to leave, we would have been fine cos she was very hard-working.
    My dad later died but the damage on my mum is much. She has some of the traits of the woman in this Chronicle. Stubborn, stingy, lack of sympathy, etc. This Chronicle made me to understand that she also needs therapy and more love from us the children.
    I will train my children to never remain in a toxic environment for whatever reason, marriage or any other thing. Leave! The damage does not justify remaining there.

    ReplyDelete
  39. This chronicle got me teary and I learnt a lot from the comments.
    It's like the saying that a caregiver is also sick(I think its a Yoruba Proverb). So many people are hurt and aren't healed cos they don't even realise that they are. And we know what those who are hurt does to others..
    Our environment shapes us in ways we can't even comprehend and the funny thing is how sometimes we become worse than those who did us wrong.

    ReplyDelete

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