Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

Hmmmm....

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED SERIOUSLY

Stella,

I am struggling with something.

I am a beautiful and educated woman ( I am not bragging). I have lived in several countries abroad, have multiple degrees, and earn very well. I am Christian and serve God with all my heart. I can cook, and clean, andi  am a good homemaker. To add, even have spiritual gifts that I use to support my loved ones when they feel stuck in life (God shows me visions and solutions for their problems).

But one area of my life has brought a pattern that worries me: My love life.

I am in my mid-30s and the time for “focus on yourself, marriage will come” has passed. In fact, when people say it to me now, I get upset. I have been working hard since my 20s and i am self-sufficient. I even hide my net worth from people, to avoid predators.

 I said to myself that it is only the man who honours me that will know the full gist of what I have. I have kept that coded till now.

In all this, I am still unmarried. Don't even think s#x, because I stopped “giving” a long time ago. By so doing, God has shown me favour in my businesses and career. My prayers are answered faster and my spiritual gifts are stronger. For these alone, I am steady on the celibacy matter. But Stella, I know people wey don give still marry, still dey happy, some even carry belle before marriage. So which level sef na? I tire oh!

I dey meet guys oh! Correct. But what happens? They come with respect - of course after seeing my online profile and all that. But once they get close and friendly with me, they start to see me finish. From nowhere, disrespect and taking for granted will start. Person wey dey ginger before, go just dey puff up like say e dey do me favour. Of course, no woman wants to be treated like an option by her significant other.

They say don’t focus on looks, and I obeyed. They said don’t focus on money, I say okay. They say look at his potential, not his present; I try that one. They say to be feminine, I try that one. Yet, na dey I dey so.

The annoying part is that they don’t leave me alone completely. Some even come back years later with loooooong apologies. I even feel bad when they come back with those rubbish explanations because I see it as adding insult to injury. Why?

 The ONLY reason you are coming back to try and explain is that you can still see me bearing my maiden name, no husband in sight. If you came and saw me as “Mrs. Somebody”, you would save your explanation and move on to the next available person. No be their fault.

I stopped dating for 3 years and recently tried again earlier this year. SAME THING! He came with so much respect and caution. I was thanking God. The moment I got vulnerable and showed the simple, chatty, playful side of me that people in public don’t see; he changed. I was a little confused how fast it happened.

I broke up twice, he came begging. As a Christian, I accepted and gave myself another chance. Yet.... the same energy. So I sent a text, telling him I did not like what he is doing because I had complained before. Do you know what he did? He came back with insults. No apology or explanation – INSULT. Raining all sorts of insults on me for weeks. It was very draining. God knows that the only reason e no too pain me na because I no give kpekus

People who know me don’t believe I am single. Some think that I am hiding my boo. Others say na over-selection dey cause me not to marry because I am beautiful. They don’t know how hard I have tried to date but it never comes to that point.

I read about narcissistic abuse years ago and concluded that I was attracting narcissists; which is why I stopped dating. But Stella, these men go on to marry women wey…. No be say them too fine or them dey so so so heavenly fantastic. Normal correct babes, like me too. And, they respect these women and treat them like eggs. It is very hurtful to see someone who treated you with disregard, go on to treat someone else better. In fact, you even look like a liar when you tell others what you experienced. So you have no choice but to suffer in silence, hurt and heal.

This recent breakup really touched me. I think I am growing bitter because of it. I have asked myself: what is it about me that makes guys take me for granted? Normally, in relationships, small see-finish must enter both ways, when you start to peel off the initial layers. But I am tired of going through these cycles of disrespect. It is wearing me out, I cannot lie. Even the bible says: hope deferred, makes the heart sick.

I know you have some senior aunties on your blog who may be able to advise. I really want to know how it is done. How do you make a man respect you all the way to the altar? Is it that I am not vetting the men in my life properly or is there another formula to this thing? I am a very simple person, compare to my online persona, because I come from a humble background. So those values are still in me. Only those who come close get to see them. Is this also my undoing?

I hope that you post.

Xx.

Hmmmm this does not sound normal but then it could be that abusive men are the only ones you are attracted to....... let me ask you, do you date only a particular kind of men? Have you tried dating a man with low income? Broke men respect and love very well and in the mean time before they get their break through you can decide if you want to marry them or not...

Another trick would be to flaunt your net work and watch how their tongues drop like a hungry dog in front of its owner....