Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Monday, August 21, 2023

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmmm...


STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERVED BREAKFAST

Hello Stella,
This is a long read and you can post this as a chronicle.

I have 8 month old twins and currently live with their daddy. We are also not married. When I took in, I wanted to get rid of it. He said I can do whatsoever I wanted but if I should do it, I shouldn't bother coming back home. 

We had already been dating for a year and I always told him I didn't want to have a child out of wedlock, of which he always affirmed his commitment to me in terms of marriage. That day I came back, he asked why I was thinking of getting rid of it, that he never told me he wouldn't be with me, that he was serious about me and would settle down with me.

He was locked up in a cell for a week, some months later and I singlehandedly with pregnancy orchestrated his bail, got the lawyer, had meetings with people who put him in jail and secured his release. No friend or family came forth, not one person supported me, just me and our unborn babies. I took a leave of 1 week from work to do all of this.

When I gave birth, I asked him when he was going to pay the bride price, he said he lost a lot of money in that police case and he also didn't like travelling long distance, hence he cannot travel to my village to meet my people and cannot pay the bride price that year.

My mum came for omugwo and they had a clash which resulted in her leaving. I took his side as his woman but made up with my mum later. He said my family is negative and always have negative things to say like wishing him bad. My family has never wished him bad- I only have a sibling. They have never for one day asked him of a kobo. My sister has never called him for a day because we respect each others relationship and don't butt into it.

We only attempted intimacy once after I gave birth but couldn't because it was very painful for me and we couldn't attempt without condoms, as I didn't want to get pregnant again for someone who hasn't paid my bride price, of which I told him and he said okay but later said my friend influenced that decision.

I paid someone to track his phone after some suspicions. He would tell me he was travelling or cook up ridiculous lies about going for deliverance, visiting his sick mother only for me to find out that he was with the lady at Lagos mainland and even travelled to Benin with her. I would be restless and scared when he goes on such travels, as he would completely switch off his number.

I kept quiet but one day out of anger, I cursed him and hit him on his chest. I couldn't bottle it any longer, he was pressing his phone while I was talking, laughing at me and told me to stop talking, go inside and feed the children

This is someone that said he couldn't pay my bride price nor drive me to the mainland when I had a high profile interview with a company. I couldn't go for the interview and ended up losing that opportunity.

We quarrelled about this and he said I was unkempt, lazy, dull, lack common sense, not fashionable, listened to friends a lot- I only have one friend and my sister. He said I talk to male friends and make plans without him, of which is a lie. My nanny can attest to that. I rarely step out of the house and practically go no where. I don't tell him of my plans because he always discourages my ideas and says I'm stupid. Funny enough, I am the smartest person he would ever know. I rarely talk but I'm clever and technologically inclined. My friends, school mates would attest to that. I graduated with a 2:1 and we were only five that graduated with that degree in my set. All my friends are abroad and doing great.

He never hugs me, gives me presents-birthday or otherwise, no romance, even when having s#x-no foreplay, no smiles during the day, no kissing, no praying together, no calling of pet names, he calls me by my name. He changed the endearment name, he used on his phone to my name and business name but his remained on my phone.

He rarely gives me personal money. He pays rent, does the feeding and children expenses. I take care of my personal care. I was repaying a loan I took out and had limited funds, hence I couldn't buy some personal stuff. I wanted to repay the loan first and thereafter focus on myself.

He met this girl two months ago, always leaves home every weekend since then to be with her. He would pay the nanny 5k for her to be with me on weekends. The babies would always wake up at night for him to hold them. I asked him for 40k to pay for my grandma's burial, he said he doesn't have but paid for this lady's accomodation. His excuse was that he couldn't give someone who wished him bad his money. Yet , I take care of your kids, cook food and we sleep under the same roof.

He came back home yesterday after a huge quarrel two days ago and told me that he was done with me, as he had found love and had moved on. I saw an explicit picture of them having s#x on his phone and I was broken. He masturbates to her type of body shape on his phone. Infact, she is like his spec-exactly what he wants. Leader in church, big butts and ass...

He also said he would provide for our needs and wants and he encouraged me to find someone else, as he no longer sees himself with me. I am just 8 months postpaturm, still breastfeeding, so tired and broken. How can a man of 35 years walk out on his family like that? How do I start all over again? I never imagined I would be raising children out of wedlock. This is someone who told me to stop my job and look after the kids and he would support us.

 I feel so useless and very stupid. I regret having anything to do with him. I love my babies but I regret meeting their father. I can't sleep at night or eat, I feel so bitter, pain and so much anger is bubbling in me. I need encouragement. I have learnt my lessons, so no one should please bash me, just give me advice


'*Hey Babe, you will be fine and you need to take care of the kids and then get yourself back together, make sure you dont take him back when he comes begging cos he will.......Move out of the place and get your mum to help you take care of the kids while you try to get a Job...Pick up yourself from the ground where he threw you and start again...Its hard now but know this, that you didged a bullet.....
Dont worry!

111 comments:

  1. Pls do not take him back when he comes back o, because he will come back with sob stories. Move on, delete and block his number.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is the summary of what I wrote

      Delete
    2. This man is losing a precious gift, that he will never have again… ..i know in the future, he will come begging, mark my words….
      So roof to him that you are not lazy, dull, lack common sense ……..he want you to lose your self-esteem, and please don’t lose it……….
      Can you stay with your mum? If yes.. stay with her.. it will help you heal fast…..
      Please please don’t lose your self esteem because of a man…..

      # My Gender My Gender My Gender

      Delete
    3. The red flags are always there. God please help your daughters.

      Auntie cry and go through the heart break period. Then dust yourself and rearrange your focus to you, career/business, kids only. then slowly forgive him and uproot every emotional attachment you have of him(do not monitor/troll/track/stuck him- completely let go) - this particular task you must be diligent and intentional about.

      Pray!!! Keep Praying and ask God to help you - it is not easy Dear and i feel for you. With God everything will work together for your good only. Stay strong, stay Positive that your best days are ahead, that your current troubles will become a Mighty testimony tomorrow.

      Big hug to you!!! It will be well

      Delete
    4. He never loved you; you were in a situationship. After telling you your village was too far for him to go see your people, that was your answer right there! You took sides with this man over the mother who carried you for 9 months! Anyway, like Stella said, take the babies to your parents and try to find a job. Find a job either close to your parents for support or far away and once you find your feet you get a maid and a nanny cam and bring your kids to live with you. Sorry for your ordeal. πŸ€—

      Delete
    5. No. 1, wean the babies, get your life and body (confident) back, upgrade, focus, pray and never look back to regret giving birth to those kids.
      Hold your ears, DON'T TAKE HIM BACK no matter what. You are more than him in everything. Tell your mum everything and move on. The mistake has been done already. Some guys use pregnancy to destroy some intelligent babes' career/life without marrying them.

      Mao Akuh

      Delete
    6. Everyone has typed exactly what you should do.
      You will get over him soon. Cherish your babies. Return to God for grace and mercy. Cheers πŸ₯‚

      Delete
    7. Ladies please note that there are many guys looking for baby mamas now; they will insist you keep a baby but will not marry you. It was their game plan all along. They want babies but want the single life. If they tell you their plan upfront, you will refuse so they deceive you into thinking they play plan to marry you. PLEASE BE CAREFUL OUT THERE, LADIES!

      Delete
    8. You are right 21:15.

      Delete
  2. Stella has said it all. Pick yourself up. You will overcome yes you will dear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Baby girl, you were already raising kids out of wedlock so I don’t know what you mean by “I don’t want to raise kids out of wedlock”

      dear poster, this man never loved you, he is just a narcissist who wanted to break you and dump you at your lowest, the more broken you are the happier you make him, the more his ego grows.
      You were supposed to move out long ago, but honey, it’s never too late, you are not a failure, thank God you still have a job.
      Focus on your work, let your sister be your rock. Please don’t take him back cus he will never change.
      Take care of your babies and focus on God, you will be very surprised.



      Push up (original)

      Delete
    2. Oh so you even resigned
      Keep your baby with your mum and look for a job


      Push up (original)

      Delete
  3. Lady T /worth more than a thousand dollars21 August 2023 at 15:14

    You will be fine. Behind every dark cloud there is a silver lining.
    Like SDK said, move in with your Mum for now and look for a job, with your degree you can get a job a good one. So up on your feet. You have babies to take care of. Your nanny can help your Mum.

    You have a a good life ahead of you. This is not the end of the world.
    You gave him wife duties before he married you that's why he got tired easily.
    Even couples get tired. But because of the commitment they stay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is a toxic selfish and destructive man , no kindness in him. Poster MOVE ON, BLOCK HIM. Don’t go back to EGYPT, GOD delivered you from. He is from hell

      Delete
    2. Please this period avoid
      • negative energies from anybody ...

      • Stand up for yourself and make yourself proud, it will not be easy, but I know you can do it.....

      • Avoid anger as much as you can….so that nobody can hurt you ...

      • Be kind to yourself …..my sister, with time you will understand…

      • Invest in yourself. .when you have somebody to assist you with the kids,,,,register online SAFETY COURSE, Is Free…You Only Pay For Your Certificate, After The Program..

      • Take responsibility for your actions and move on ...

      • Let the past rest.and move forward…backward never..Forward ever

      CHOOSE one……(1) Do you want to sink ,like the way your man want it or
      (2) Do you want to keep floating till you get to the shore..

      Delete
    3. Humble man can you explain why she needs the course?

      Delete
  4. Eyahhhhh... so sorry dear. Some nigerian men be doing anyhow without thinking of old age... hmmmm alot of men are doing to die very lonely at old age if they don't change this attitude on time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abegi, stop this Nigerian men ish.
      Since all Nigerian men are like this man, Poster should remain with him whatever, right?

      Delete
    2. Which Nigerian men? If you are not smart, you’ll still fall mugu for foreign men.
      The truth is that some people will never learn.
      Personally, there are certain situations I can NEVER find myself in cos I’ve grown to a certain stage where I decide what I take, sacrifices I make, I always always look out for me.
      I’m really pissed that she had to resign cos he asked her to. No one should ask you to give up your dreams or career for them. A good human who wants nothing but the best for you would support you.
      Love is no more blind, e don grow eyes.

      Sluttychic.




      Delete
  5. You have been in a relationship with yourself all this while because it doesn't seem like he loves you from what you narrated above
    Dust yourself up and move the heck on!
    You never can tell as luck might shine on you soon

    ReplyDelete
  6. You see these types of men, they eventually go out and get that thing they think they’ve found and then dump you. Mark my words, several years later, they end up regretting and come back begging.

    Poster, pls pack ur things out of his home (hopefully u are buoyant enough), rent ur own place. Focus on ur job and ur kids and hopefully love finds u again and I hope it will be true love.

    He was a walking red flag tho.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It doesn't always happen like that. Sometimes when men leave their partners, they find true happiness. Not all women regret ditching their broke boyfriend for a rich man. Life isn't always a movie.

      A lot of times, Nigerian women let themselves go when they have babies. This can make a man lose interest. The poster's live-in bf lost interest in her.

      "How can a man walk out on his family?" You are his baby mama, not his wife. You shouldn't have quit your job no matter what.

      You said you lost a high-profile interview because he wouldn't drop you off. So you couldn't order a ride or take a cab? You seem like a very unserious person. Anyways, I wish you all the best.

      Delete
    2. No begging should be accepted, he is a full time worker employed by satan

      Delete
    3. No begging should be accepted, he is a full time worker employed by satan

      Delete
    4. He has shown you
      Stop managing rubbish you deserve better

      Delete
    5. 15:41
      "You said you lost a high-profile interview because he wouldn't drop you off. So you couldn't order a ride or take a cab?"

      A man is not a destination point for a woman. A man is at best a watering point for a woman.

      Big question.

      Delete
  7. Sorry about your plight, unfortunately, he'd marry someone else while you will be saddled with raising his kids. Don't put your life on hold anymore, forge ahead.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Poster this guy never loved you from day one. Because you got pregnant for someone does not mean you have to marry him? Going by your chronicle, you are intelligent and came out with a 2.1. You had a whole lot of opportunities to position yourself for better opportunities but look at who you settled for.

    The problem with we ladies sometimes is that we place people who don't deserve us way way above us and don't look out for ourselves. Why buy a cow when you can get everything from it free? When you started living with him without him paying your brideprice, you ought to know there was no driving force to make the necessary steps. Only you carried the family expenses on your head!

    Girl you were not being fair to yourself at all. That man has moved on with another woman and you are left to cater to your children. Please move out and start all over again! Make a detour and build structures around your children and finances. Go back and finish that course/certification.

    Create a standard for yourself so you stop settling for less. Build yourself, your career and esteem so you do not make the same mistake by falling in love with another rogue. Life will always give us lessons; learn from your mistakes, pick yourself up, forgive him and start a new chapter. It is not late to start all over.

    All the best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EXACTLY, if she goes back to that guy, she'll forever be a fool.
      I hate men that treat intelligent ladies anyhow.

      Mao Akuh

      Delete
  9. Life! That's how you've become a single mom. Chances of you marrying an eligible bachelor is slim because you have twins for a man who is still caring them, but not interested in you as their mom, no man wants that. Just build your life and keep it at the back of your mind that, you may or not marry again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahah did you just say no man wants that
      Na big fat lie
      Men want that
      Nigerian ladies open your eyes to men that want you

      Delete
    2. Anon 15:33, that's a big lie that no man would want her. I know this because I gave birth out of wedlock too. I got pregnant and the guy said he was too young to marry. Many guys wanted to marry me even with knowledge of a child not their own. Most from same community sef where everybody knows everybody and no be anyhow guys ooo.

      Poster, as someone who has been in your shoes but maybe not exactly same,dust yourself and forge ahead. I was like you too, tired and frustrated but thank God for family. So, I stayed with family and as soon as my baby started walking, I moved to find better work. Today, I look back and I say to God be the glory. And yes, the father came back after so many years begging. Maybe one day, I will send my story in to Stella.

      Delete
    3. A lady with 3 kids is getting married,not just marrying anybody o,but her first love. They reconnected after a while,guy is a Canadian citizen, the lady is divorced and broke,plus not even beautiful or have good sense of dressing

      Delete
    4. Forget the begging
      They are users and toxic
      Never take thrash back, you are not a dustbin
      Move on

      Delete
    5. Poster I reject this prayer for you, who are you to question God's plan ,who are you to open your mouth and tell someone nobody will marry her again ,are you God oh my God look at what you re saying, so because of future bachelor she shld die that's how you pple condemn women with kids telling them nobody will marry them , some in their insecurities end of with rubbish to answer Mrs, pls do not on your life say this type of thing to a human being God created.
      But if it's a man he will marry chassis abi I don't blame you .
      Poster pls start by weaning your kids your mum will be your ever support as far she is still alive, you have 2: 1 and you re technologically inclined make prayer of favor your daily prayer, connect with old school mates with contacts pls dust yourself without looking back , cheers up up you see these kids they shld be your sunshine and ray of hope smile with them, you re better off than that man in every ramifications nne show him you can do it , I'm cheering you on from here believe me you ll look back and thank Bvs for this words of courage. It's well with you remember you first nobody shld put you down or you take nonsense from anybody, don't wait for anybody to do anything for you be a go hetter, you said he didn't drop you for an interview quality material like you ? And your village is far my dear don't let anybody belittle you like that ever again .
      Oya stand up and plan the race now is ahead ahead no dulling ciao

      Delete
  10. You will be fine over time. You will, I tell you. Pregnancy, childbirth and bringing them up is a huge delay/set back but you will be fine. Time heals. Difference is how long it takes to heal. Will it heal, it will. By the time you're done with this teething stage of bringing the twins up, you might be good to go.

    In future, he will know that there was actually no occasion where he took drinks to and he will come back. Aside your mom and sister, no one is seeing what you're passing through. One hopes his community does not come to beg for him to be taken back because he will beg. You don't oppress or punish twins and go free. Something about twins.

    Choice is yours to take him back when he comes begging. He does not worth being accepted back. Never.

    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never ever ever accept him back, he is destructive and won't change

      He will only want to come back to use you again, he is a very wicked and a selfish soulless man

      Delete
  11. Wooooo stopped flogging yourself my sister. Try not to think about it so you don’t experience mental instability. You placed so much hope and belief in him that’s why you are in this situation. Dust yourself and get a job. Good he offered to keep making payments BUT that doesn’t mean you should believe him. Please get a job oooooo. I’m pulling ears now. Get a job so he doesn’t guy you later. Don’t trust anything that that he says again so you won’t be more disappointed. Take it from someone that has been there, move on. Pipe low, live humbly, spend when needed. Leave love for now and focus on yourself and the babies. You will be fine.

    Notice I didn’t bash him! That’s because we as individuals are responsible for our actions. He showed you himself but you chose to continue with him. You caused this situation now I want you to reflect and you to tell yourself the whole truth after which you will move on from there.

    Nnem, you will be fine. If I, without a job and I’m doing great, all thanks to God, you will be great.

    Take care of yourself and the munchkins 😘😘

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is almost the same with me. Stella thank you for the advice. I started gym to relieve my pain of heart break.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hmm dear poster I really feel your pain I pray God gives you the strength to move on . I know it won’t be easy but you will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
  14. It is better he left now.
    Would you rather be married to him and condone all these for the rest of your life?
    Just let him go. You . deserve better.
    Take one day at a time. You will be fine.
    Let's pray he keeps the financial support. Of not, God will always make Way.
    E hugs

    ReplyDelete
  15. It's well with you poster, just go with Stella's advise

    ReplyDelete
  16. Well this is a lesson for others fornication is a sin obey the word of God ,no sex before marrying if she has listen to this she would have minimum problem ;giving a man your body with paying anything on your head is prostitution,pure and simple but if you tell them they will say they are testing ,they are dating ,they are in love.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I don’t know why but I like you so I’ll be plain. I can’t find any evidence that you are smart. You invested everything on mere promises. Is that smart? I can’t even fault this man. Yes he isn’t trustworthy but how many humans are? He isn’t married. HE IS NOT MARRIED TO YOU. And now, he has done the responsible thing and broken up with you. Another opportunity to prove the purported smartness but here you are asking us questions. You are a baby mama to a man who isn’t a deadbeat dad. Isn’t that what all baby mamas want? You only have one choice. Go and build your life. Nothing else left to do. Wishing you all the best in your future endeavors.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘abi she's not smart at all.poster pls pick urself up and start afresh.and this time be very smart.u put urself in dis situation see d results.

      Delete
    2. I think she really loves him. That emotion wrongly placed can kill, it can turn a wise person into a fool. It can do and undo and cause many complications. Poster I can see how heartbroken you are because he left you for another, inspite of the fact that he maltreated you. You have to gradually pick up the pieces of your life and learn from this experience. Henceforth you also involve your brain in any relationship and look out also for your interest and that of your loved ones. I wish you well, believe in your heart you are worth better and will get better and put your life back on track. Make your kids and your self development a priority. All will be well by God's grace. Try to forget him. I hope you come back to testify.πŸ™πŸΎ

      Delete
  18. I'm happy you're well equipped, with your certificate and brain,babe as Stella advised drop the kids with your mom, dust yourself up and look for job, in no time you'll be fine,he definitely come back when he sees your progress, but do well by dropping him like shit when he does. Focus on your self now.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Let him go, you will be fine. It will be hard initially but you will pull through. Don't ever make the mistake of accepting him back. Just focus on your twins, and get your life together again. Cut all communication with him.

    ReplyDelete
  20. WINNER, YES I AM!21 August 2023 at 16:15

    All ladies, women, whether single, married, divorced, please, let's learn from all these chronicles we read everyday.
    We have been told here several times and even the bible attested to it that don't fornicate before marriage. If you can't hold body, use condom because the consequences will be on the women mostly.
    Then why must you wait for him to drive you for interview? Why can't you take public transport?
    No woman should ever depend on a man for money especially in this economy. Women, have something you are doing, it brings respect. I have learnt so much from SDK BLOG!
    Now, I pity these two babies who won't grow up with a loving father.
    I pray everything turns out for your good at last.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Women
      Please only choose good men to be fathers to your children

      Stop allowing every Tom, Dick and Harry have access to your presence, time talkless of your body

      So many idiots out there looking actively for women to trap with children

      They hate you yet sleep with you , maltreat you , do not wish you well, are envious of you

      Avoid toxic men, never listen to evil pressure

      Don't make excuses and deceive yourselves

      Delete
  21. The most important thing is that you have learnt and hopefully when you begin to flourish again (because you will) and he comes back crawling and begging, trying to use the children to get to you (because he will), DO NOT GO BACK TO YOUR VOMIT ,I repeat DO NOT.
    God will help you and see you through this difficult time, He always does.
    It is well with you.
    πŸ€— 😘

    ReplyDelete
  22. Gaskiya, let me not type what i have in my mind, so lemme respect myself.
    However, going forward, do not do wifely duties in a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. Have some self respect please.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Men don't take laddies that sacrifice for them serious; especially those financial aids and sacrificing your means of livelihood for theirs to thrive.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ask yourself if he was guilty of whatever he was in jail for, then ask yourself if you helped to set a criminal free.

    The man you have described is a manipulator, a gaslighter and a consummate liar. He has done you a huge favour by walking away. A future with such a man would be one misery after another. You should be jumping for joy he is gone. He was in your life to destroy you. Since being with him you are now poorer, lacking in self confidence, dependent, fearful, timid and worrisome. He came with one mission in mind, destruction, and if you do not stand strong he will win.

    You are young, smart, well educated, ambitious and hardworking. My dear get down to business, refocus and get a plan in place. Dust off your cv and start putting them out. Reconnect with your support system, your sister, mum and friend. You are not alone in the world, you have ppl who love you. Those children need a mother who is 100%, a mother who will not crumble. Pull up yourself and remember those long ago dreams you had before you met him. Rekindle that fire in your soul and go sow your greatness. Do not entertain any hope of going back, nor receive him if he comes back. Do not try to make a snake your friend, a snake will always strike. One day you will look back on these days and thank God he left your life.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I agree with you poster you indeed have the right to feel that way I still do not know why women love themselves last then force a person who doesn’t give a rat ass about to do his obligations,personally if I have to remind you about certain things that’s the end cause when a man truly loves you he knows what you need before you do but here we are with women settling for less then writing chronicles.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Please pack your load today and go back to your family!!! I mean it. Let me tell you what would have happened if he did not break your heart like this, you would have five children under his roof with no life of your own while he gallivants with women about town, finally marrying one of them after totally rubbishing your life.

    When you get to your parents house, go on your knees and thank God for deliverance from the hands of time wasters and destiny destroyers. This thing that God has done for you, it is not everybody he did it for and some people wake up after five kids. In two years, you will wonder why you ever stayed and condoned nonsense in the name of love.
    Then ASAP, dust your CV and start to look for job. You are on your own, don’t expect nothing from that man.

    Mind you, he will come back. When he sees that ‘his spec’ is not as easily manipulated as you are, he will come back. But I pray that God gives you wisdom and also puts you in a good circumstance by then so that you do not go back to this selfish man.

    ReplyDelete
  27. my dear, the deed has been done, cry and clean your tears. the reality is that you should drop the kids with your mum, leave man matter for now. look for a very good job and soar. never consider that man again. leave remarry for now. focus on yourself and kids. above all you have to be successful and live the life. life is so sweet when you are rich and know God. i pray that your mum lives long to enjoy the success when it comes.

    ReplyDelete
  28. My own did worst to me, after all the promises, public engagement, even took my money for his many failed business only for pregnancy period and I saw a different side.
    In fact the shock from his behaviour is what I am still yet to understand.
    Not only did he dump me, the marriage we planned never happened, story upon story.
    They said I had a bad attitude - his people which is what he told me.
    Poster guess what I did, I focused my mind on myself and my child.
    I cursed him and moved on.
    OMO, if you see my life now, never would I have believed that I would be this happy at that time, I was depressed.
    I cried and cried during pregnancy, I thought if he had cheated sooner, perhaps I would have had a termination but now it was too late.
    I was alone throughout pregnancy, gave birth alone, nursed my baby alone and became more depressed.
    When my child was 6 months, I returned to work while a nanny cared for my son. Almost 2 years later, I couldn't be happier. He came back begging and I told him he was never in my class, I was just managing him, now I cannot even touch him as he has nothing to offer me, worst of all no money self. He is now a liability to myself and son.
    POSTER it will get better for sure, build yourself up, that man is not worth your tears.
    My baby opened doors for me, I am twice more successful than I was before having him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never you accept him back
      Respect your body so much not to allow access to anyone who isn't your husband

      Delete
  29. You dodged a bullet.

    ReplyDelete
  30. You can not remain with someone who constantly keep destroying your self esteem.let him go pls,you will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
  31. II honestly feel some pity for the guy too
    Fact is he doesn’t like you
    Leave him alone and go find someone else
    Let him continue providing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He doesn't like her but kept sleeping with her and eating her food, living under the same roof with her. Is this how you are?

      Delete
  32. Don't beat yourself up. Pick up the pieces of your life and move on with your life. I pray love finds you soonest

    ReplyDelete
  33. NO MATTER THE SEX, DON'T GET PREGNANT BEFORE MARRIAGE. Any man that loves you will surely do the needful. Even if he loves you, do NOT get pregnant.

    Mao Akuh

    ReplyDelete
  34. Dear poster,you should be grateful he has shown his real self to you and besides no bride prize was paid so technically the twins belong to your family. They are your siblings now,dust yourself and get going,you have a whole life ahead of you . Ensure to go back to a full time leaving the twins with your mum or nanny,nurture and treat them with love. God will surely bless you with a real man who will cherish you.

    Bv Sommy

    ReplyDelete
  35. Did I read the side chick is a 'Leader in church'? Hmmmmm.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you think it's everyone that is in church that is truly a Christian? He might have even lied to her that he doesn't have anyone in his life and doesn't have any child. Aunty will be happy that she has found a 'horseband'.

      Delete
    2. Lie to a church leader who is gbenshing outside marriage?

      Women will always make excuses for women as men do for men.

      Delete
  36. You may have had 2:1 but your 2:1 won't help you with the most important things in life such as how to spot and dodge bullshit from 50 miles away.

    Nigerian women learn to love yourself SO MUCH.
    Learn to even love yourself even a little much.
    Because its so obvious you lot dont.
    See the things you accept into your life....

    Most of you accept abject TRASH, things that should be spat into the toilet bowl. Men treating you like they are forced to be in your presence and you are an irritating convenience.

    And then you stay there in that utter bondage, married/ dating yourself asking "ehn what shu I do, my 'health is going krasy plix"
    LOLL.

    Very funny.

    Very.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Funnily, she may take him back claiming she doesn't want to have babies from different fathers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If she takes him back, her double loss and so-called smartness in the dustbin. This second time, the guy will destroy her completely.

      Delete
    2. I can bet it, she will take him back. The guys knows her very well.

      Delete
    3. She will take him back o. This one that she is saying she doesn't want to have kids outside wedlock, like the man paid a dime on her head. She was cohabiting with him and already considering herself his wife.

      Delete
  38. When next you find yourself in a new relationship. Open your eyes and have standards. The man saw you as a disposable tissue paper he can use to wipe his ass. That's why he left. Give the twin babies to your parent. Dust yourself get a job and never look back.

    ReplyDelete
  39. My heart weeps for you because I can't understand the pain of this type of betrayal from a loved one. I want you to know that you are worth much more than all this. Tell yourself that everyday and don't stop declaring:"What the enemy meant for evil, my God has turned it around for my good". There will be times when you will intrusive thoughts and memories will make you remember the incident, don't bottle it up! Rant, cry, but always affirm that You are above all these, things will turn around in your favour. I feel you pain.

    I Declare that by the stripes of Jesus Christ, Every emotional wounds, every psychological wounds, every spiritual wounds in your life are healed and you are made whole.
    #tighthugs

    ReplyDelete
  40. Please before you start your journey of self discovery, poster go and change and redo your children's birth certificate, remove his surname this is important In case you want to travel out of the country, next gather evidence of him saying he does not want you and the kids anymore this is for future fight in court because trust me he will drag you to court for those kids, lastly do not teach your children to hate him because when they big and not under your control they will look for him and take pictures with him and post in on social media. Poster no matter the Asaba movie and theatre arts he performs NEVER EVER go back to him.

    ReplyDelete

  41. I have read your story and see where you say don't bash me, just advice me.

    Let me start at the middle. I am sitting here wondering, how the people who were meant to interview you on that day would have felt when you stood them up. They will be like, this one isn't even serious. I don't think this happened after he don dey misbehave because if it is, you supposed to be scolded seriously; even by him. So because I didn't take you, you no go.

    I also read, "walk out on his family". Which family? No dear, you guys aren't a family...at least not yet. You guys had a child (twins) together while cohabiting. Nothing like family. A family is bound by love, United by law or tradition, and have common aspirations or shared vision. My sister, tell me, which of the elements of the definition of family above do you people have?

    All those people saying he will come back, my dear, he won't. Most men don't. Most men have pride and ego and will not come back except for selfish reasons for example if the big nyash church aunty no fit born. Even if she no born, he go try another woman. Na if it is discovered that he has fertility issues, that's when he will come to you.

    I know police case is not a yardstick for measuring someone's responsibility but based on your findings, is he an upright person?

    He accused you of listening to friends. Maybe you have done so in the past. How? You guys have agreed on something then you went somewhere or took a call and you had a change of mind. And him knowing you, he knows how you think, say no be your idea be this. That's enough grounds to say you listen to outsiders.


    My advice:

    Before anything , come to the realisation that he's not into you and if at all, he isn't any more. Just accept this one first. It's hard, it's painful but it's necessary for your sanity. You are not his spec. A man who can't travel for you, a man who can't even pretend.

    1. Let him rent you place and support you till you stand. Just make it clear that you too are done but you just need help to get back and make it clear that you just want support for a short period.
    Also let him know that you don't want again.

    He's promised to keep supporting. That's great. Let him get you a decent apartment. Let going to your mom's place be the last option. Make we dey sorry for our parents. Some of our moves embarrasses them. But this man will do anything to be rid of you including abandoning this house for you if push comes to shove.

    2. Let his parents know. I didn't say let them know like make they beg him, let them know he was the one who said he no do again. Just for their information. Curiously you didn't mention them and if they have said anything in this. Someone you dated for 2 years and lived with and had twins for. When he had problems, no body came forth. Makes me worried say this guy no be craze man so? Wey nobody dey associate with am. Hey God!
    The only time you mentioned his sick mother is when he used her to lie.

    3. Get up and go do something. You have made a whole lot of mistakes and it's time to right the wrongs. Not saying this as an insult but academic soundness isn't enough when we are faced with real life.

    4. If he pays the rent and support you, he may want to sleep with you when he comes around. No Gree. Men can have this sense of entitlement when they are supporting a woman and many times if the woman is really missing the male touch, she may agree. If she falls pregnant again, that's when you see them saying at least all my children are from same man.

    5. The biggest revenge to a man like this is to find your way back from where he dumped you. Men get jealous when they see what they are missing. They will now start fighting with the one they are with and start finding fault.

    6. Post partum depression is real. You aren't sleeping well, crying always and beating yourself up. You need to stop, make you no go wound yourself. Life first before love. If you collapse, that man will not take you to hospital o. If you die, Na your kids go suffer.

    °C

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for spitting facts. As sad as this is, we women need to learn to take a bit of responsibility for our actions. Both parties fornicated here, so forget karma. Both of you offended God and are in need of mercy (all of us are). You guys are not married and in today's society, pregnancy no longer mandates marriage. What it mandates is healthy co-parenting. Good that he provides financially. Coming to emotional, it's tricky.. he owes the kids emotional availability but if he gives you emotional availability too, it'll stop you from moving on. You probably still love him but do you want to be married to this version of him? Pray about all of these.

      Delete
    2. Don't let him rent a house for you poster. He will be claiming rights to your body and attention. If you refuse to sleep with him when he visits, he can force you. Also, don't rely on him for financial support, get a job, if he supports you, fine but get a job while you move to your mum's place , let her help with the kids. With time, get your own place and a nanny to help. I see you in abroad doing very fine in a few years time.

      Delete
  42. Dear Poster,it is well with you,this was me 3years ago, though never lived with him,I have moved on with the help of God and my family and friends,please don't give up,this phase will pass,you will look back and smile,just hold on for your kids,all the best dear.

    ReplyDelete
  43. My dear,i feel your pain...but don't worry everything will be fine.Please go back home let your mum help with the twins,when you're a bit stronger,start looking for jobs,i know you will surely get one.Take good care of your self,this is just a trying time,you will be fine.Big hugs πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete
  44. Poster, you are truly intelligent. It shows in the lucidity of your chronicle.
    Now, it is easy to say but a challenge to do - just get up and move right on
    Go back to your Mum. Apologise and beg for her help.
    Let your mother have care of your babies.
    Start looking for jobs. Take any decent job that will give your income after expenses.
    Look for means of maximizing your writing skills. plus your IT skills. Both can help you in some remote work and IT can help you find the jobs.
    He that is down fears no fall - Ask your friend or old classmates in or outside Nigeria for whatever kind of help you need.

    Ask the father of your children for child support. You have the right to be angry and bitter. But request for child support firmly, politely and without acrimony. If necessary, seek State/Government help to get the child support. Just be civil, assertive and non-combative.

    Throughout your chronicle, one point shone forth You have a mind that can carry you forward. Do not let it be shadowed by the opposite of the trusting emotions that partly caused the challenges.

    Focus on what you have than the betrayal.

    Best wishes.

    Mr. Mann

    ReplyDelete
  45. Oh God pls teach me the ways to teach my daughter not to have pre-marital sex. It comes with a lot of heartaches and never worth it πŸ™πŸ™

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not only your daughters also your sons. May God help us all. Amen

      Delete
  46. My sister I’m here to encourage you.

    I’m a single mum like you and our story is very similar except I only had one child and everything changed after I got pregnant, his family got involved and he allowed them to control him and end our relationship. This was 9 years ago my son turned 9 last week. When he left I had NOTHING as in broke broker brokest haha

    For the past 5 years him and his brother been sending me emails talking rubbish begging and praising me and sending me prayers buhahahaha but if I ever respond to them make I bend, because the times I use to talk they didn’t care now my silence can kee them abeg. The joke is nowhere in their email so they ask to be responsible for my so just so so silly talk and prayers. His brother sent an email last week on my son’s birthday asking to send my child a gift card for his birthday omo I couldn’t stop laughing because I was reading the email in Disneyland Paris with my son by my side. He even included his UK number omo I laughed die. Gift voucher wey choke for my hand buhahahaha!

    To God be the glory today I drive a 2023 plate Mercedes, I have a very very good job that my tax bracket is 40% and we live in a beautiful home, infact later this week my son and I are flying to another country for 3 weeks.

    I hope my story encourages you that BETTER DAYS ARE AHEAD JUST HOLD ON TO GOD!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. POSTER, READ THIS MESSAGE above!
      If 3rd class and certificate of attendance holders without 1st class degrees who are you to worry?

      See ehn do a self audit of that relationship and how it got it this current status, take the findings and find ways to improve upon yout weaknesses but live a healthy social life. See ehn, it happens when we least expect it, so smile more and have a careffree personal and don't dress or make up as a married woman would. You will meet plenty guys so identify what you consider vital in a man and QORK TOWARDS BEING THE Female version od your spec.

      You ended up being a single mum at the moment but ur case is not the worse
      Someone in big brother naija admitted to being a criminal yet he bagged the BB winner, pepper dem season, who come be you, wey dey intelligent.
      Also be intentional !
      Dem go dey rush you, na you go tire

      Delete
  47. You had a high profile interview and cos he didn’t drive you there, you couldn’t go on your own and that was how you lost that opportunity.
    How old are you?
    Truth is that some of you give these men the opportunity to mistreat you. We keep hammering it here that you should never leave your jobs cos “he said so”
    Now, he has dumped you, made you feel so small and you are jobless.
    How do you intend to raise those kids? How?
    Your chronicle dey vex me, I won’t even lie.
    When y’all start choosing and making yourselves your priority, these men will behave.

    Sluttychic.

    ReplyDelete
  48. ...Life happens, but success still remains the best revenge! Dust yourself up and succeed one day at a time.

    I'd encourage you though to allow the father of your children play his role in their lives (as he should). He might be a terrible spouse but a good father. Co-parent peacefully but shut your heart and legs to him going forward. He has moved on, so should you. You've got this, you're a strong woman and you can win in this motherhood journey, you are your own super hero and biggest cheerleader right now, cheer yourself on! Warm regards!
    ...Leo inspired!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true.
      Obama was raised by a single mom
      Note that as moral as naija is, a huge part of the US citizens are also moral and conservative, yet Obama won the election for 2 terms oo!

      Meghan was a divorcee living her life before price Harry married her

      Condoleezza rice and Oprah still dey alive and are living life to the fullest.

      Current US vice president married late ( na typical naija citizen that has this married early married late thing.

      You too can and will make it! God loves you so much.

      Delete
  49. You had a high profile interview and cos he didn’t drive you there, you couldn’t go on your own and that was how you lost that opportunity.
    How old are you?
    Truth is that some of you give these men the opportunity to mistreat you. We keep hammering it here that you should never leave your jobs cos “he said so”
    Now, he has dumped you, made you feel so small and you are jobless.
    How do you intend to raise those kids? How?
    Your chronicle dey vex me, I won’t even lie.
    When y’all start choosing and making yourselves a priority, these men will behave.

    Sluttychic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He was a boyfriend not even a husband that made her quit her job.

      Delete
    2. He was a boyfriend not even a husband that made her quit her job.

      Delete
    3. There is nothing like karma. Both did the 'do' and was still on it till the man left. She should take her own share of blame and move on. She felt heartbroken that the man couldn't keep his word .

      Delete
    4. There is nothing like karma. Both did the 'do' and was still on it till the man left. She should take her own share of blame and move on. She felt heartbroken that the man couldn't keep his word .

      Delete
  50. Give yourself 5 years, you will thank God he broke up with you. My dear, the man you spoke of here is not a boyfriend material, talkless of husband. Move on! You are so strong, see how you saved him even when you were pregnant. My dear, you are the prize in that relationship. Just work on yourself after weaning the babies.
    You will soon ask yourself what you saw in him.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Poster, hugssss. Pls forget karma or wishing him any karma, it's a waste of emotions. You have to make hard decisions. Hope you know that if he gives you money for personal needs, he will expect to sleep with you when he comes around? Is that what you want? You have to decide if you want to move on and meet someone else, or hang around, collect his money and probably get pregnant again still without marriage? Life is negotiations, you get what you negotiate for...

    For my young and single ladies, I plead with you, flee fornication. Don't fight it, fleeee. Once you meet someone you love, pray the prayers for sexual purity often. Tell him you will not indulge, no matter what. Avoid kisses of arousal, avoid spending lots of time together. Be very smart. If he loves you, let him go meet your parents. May God grant us the grace...

    ReplyDelete
  52. The truth is, he will come back to beg you and you will take him back. No need to advice you on what to or not to do.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Move out of that house and go manager with your mum till you are able to stand your ground. Start looking for jobs and speak with those your kids to help mummy get a good job so that she can take care of them. Don't worry cos the Gos who gave you those babies will still give you something to take care of them.

    Since you have friends in abroad doing well, why don't you ask them to help? Who knows something may come out from it. Remember is not easy other there but they could be of help. Make sure you don't take this ungrateful dook again.

    ReplyDelete
  54. My dear, you have twins and God gave them to you. I am also an iya beji, so I know how special they are to God. There is a reason why people were so scared of twins years ago( I am not saying singles are not also special). Like earlier advised, get your mum to help you and dust yourself up. Pray, pray, pray to God and watch how he turns it around. Don’t dispair, remember you are blessed. ‘Who God has blessed, no man can curse’. Let him go, focus on your twins

    ReplyDelete
  55. Poster as he told you that he has found someone else and has moved on, pick yourself up and do so .I always like to hear from both sides of the story. If what you described up there is true, will you prefer him to stay , be treating you like a slave while you remain unhappy? He complained about your look yet he has money to spend on another woman.
    Poster, since he is still providing for the kids. Start applying for a job, take care of yourself and the kids. An abusive or toxic relationship will drain you.

    ReplyDelete
  56. You are on point. The best revenge is to get a job,take good care of yourself and the kids. Poster as he left,do you still miss him? Guess you will say ,No. How will you miss someone that maltreats . Love is supposed to make you feel good

    ReplyDelete
  57. You are on point. The best revenge is to get a job,take good care of yourself and the kids. Poster as he left,do you still miss him? Guess you will say ,No. How will you miss someone that maltreats . Love is supposed to make you feel good

    ReplyDelete
  58. When you stay long in a toxic relationship,you will think that's how love is supposed to be until you met someone that will show you love . Your fear is that you may not find another man.

    ReplyDelete
  59. I’m sorry for all you are going throughπŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—.. to those saying she isn’t smart because of her decisions while in love, book smart and street smart are different. He took advantage of her naivety in my opinion but I will say what I keep telling young ladies, flee from every appearance of evil. Undefined, uncommitted cohabiting with a man is not good. Call me old school.
    1. The deed is done but next time, do not live with any man in an undefined cohabiting relationship. You are giving the man the benefits of marriage without the commitments, it’s a one sided relationship that doesn’t favor you or protect you.
    2. He was put in jail, nobody but you were there to bail him. Ever wondered if he was guilty of what they accused him of? Yet he couldn’t treat you with decency and kindness you showed him. Stay away from unkind partners. Love is kind. Don’t date an unkind hard person.
    3. He has low self esteem hence the need to put you down. I can see how you became so dependent on him psychologically that you didn’t even think to get Uber for your interview. Such partners reduce the other to unbelievable levels of self worth. Your place was too far but your mom came to visit for omugwo? Where there is a will there is a way, Nigerians marry traditionally in the diaspora, that excuse was a red flag! We do stupid things out of love regardless of how book smart.
    4. Thank you for choosing to keep the twins. You will rejoice over them everyday in Jesus name. The road will be rough initially but God will come through for you if you turn to him now.
    5. As many have said, see if your mom is in good health to help with your twins (with a nanny as twins are a handful), while you find your feet, get certifications in tech online. There are lots of resources online. I’m not talking of skits, I’m talking training in a skill that can get you a remote high income job that will change the trajectory of your life & help you take your kids back while hiring professional Nannies to care for them.
    6. You are book smart and now he taught you how street smart folks think. They think about themselves first. His being a jailbird or detainee is a huge red flag. I had someone whose man got in that illegal lifestyle early & it never ended for years. She had more kids for him, couldn’t muster the will to better her life, becoming an entitled person that was always begging others for all areas of her life! Thank God for & in everything, I know it’s hard now but wipe your tears & brush up your computer science skills. Buy data & go online to learn skills.!

    He probably got more hardened in jail! He was never really your type, he may have felt threatened by your academic achievements with a need to pull you down. Forgive & forget but don’t return to your vomit. You will laugh last. ‘Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning’πŸ€—

    ReplyDelete

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