Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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Thursday, October 19, 2023

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmmm.......


STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
URGENT ADVICE NEEDED

Hello Stella,
I hope you are doing well. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’m engaged to be married soon. My fiancΓ©e wants to invite all his friends as he has so many to the court wedding whereas me I am inviting just one or two mutual friends of ours.

Stella, over the years, I’ve had a crippling anxiety of having too many people around me. I’ve tried explaining to him but he’s not listening and doesn’t understand how most of his decisions is affecting me even mentally. Sincerely, I would love to have these people around but trust me, I won’t have a nice time that day. Mere writing this to you and thinking about it is making me so anxious.

Please fellow BVs, advise me on what to do. Thanks!


*My Dear, please relax and let him celebrate with his friends...Just relax and also invite more friends to balance it, If he tells you not to then also tell him to reduce his friends....Registry wey una wan make so big, I wonder how big the wedding proper will be....Or is the registry the final seal on your Marriage?

Marriage has not taken place and your mental health is being affected?If you dont know what Marriage entails please do not go into it oh....In Marriage you sometimes need to make sacrifices that hurts.....
If you stand between him and his friends coming over, then he will go over to them and you will be the loser...Try to accommodate everyone my dear....

64 comments:

  1. You need to see a therapist soon, what you're passing through is associated with medical condition, you have phobia for being in the midst of many people




    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The most intelligent comment on this thread πŸ‘πŸ‘. People should enlighten themselves more on anxiety and its impact on mental health. What she is experiencing is social anxiety and has nothing to do with incompatibility with her intended spouse.

      Delete
    2. Lady T /worth more than a thousand dollars19 October 2023 at 20:08

      I agree completely. You need therapy.

      Delete
    3. You sure need a therapist. There must be a reason for the phobia or does it has anything to do with your self esteem? Just try and enjoy the moment.

      Delete
    4. Poster abeg una go cook jollof rice, I want to come and eat.

      Delete
    5. Anxiety Disorder is a real condition
      Poster please check for a good therapist in your area so that you can manage it going into the marriage otherwise you will be stressed

      Also your husband needs to be educated on it perhaps accompanying you to see the therapist will help him understand otherwise he will be insensitive and not considerate

      Delete
    6. Anxiety Disorder is a real condition
      Poster please check for a good therapist in your area so that you can manage it going into the marriage otherwise you will be stressed

      Also your husband needs to be educated on it perhaps accompanying you to see the therapist will help him understand otherwise he will be insensitive and not considerate

      Delete
  2. Invite more friends. So you can feel at home pls. Enjoy your day

    Zendaya

    ReplyDelete
  3. You certainly are not compatible, why are you guys going ahead with the wedding?

    Sluttychic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks you @SC

      Delete
    2. So because they don't agree on the number of attendees makes them incompatible? The way some of you can sit somewhere and just write off people and things is ludicrous. Even for electricity to generate, you need both the positive, negative and neutral to have energy. So if two humans from different backgrounds reason and see things from the same point of view, wouldn't the marriage be lackluster?

      Delete
    3. Thank you
      It’s not enough to say just do it
      If she has debilitating anxiety, why do something she won’t enjoy
      Are you marrying yourself

      Delete
    4. 16:38, the way some of you attack someone from a place of ignorance is alarming. The poster said most of the guy’s decisions affects her mentally. Does that not scream incompatibility??? Next time, calm down and comprehend before announcing your ignorance.

      Delete
    5. Sounds like he likes a good party and has a lot of friends. If he likes hanging out with his friends and she doesn't like having a lot of people around her, she needs to seek professional help to address her anxiety or get him to accept to keep his friends away else that marriage will have issues when or if he is constantly inviting friends over or wants her to accompany him to social events.

      Delete
    6. Anon. 17:38 you are the ignorant one with zero knowledge. Is mental health issues tackled by trying to limit or squeeze others into your mold or seeking professional help? I guess in your ignorance, mental health issues are not treatable mtcheww

      Delete
    7. Yes, they are not compatible. In this life, marry your kind to avoid unnecessary nagging in future. Marry the person that likes what you like because in this life, one man's food is another man's poison. There are laddies who won't see anything wrong with his decisions and there are also many men who will wholeheartedly welcome the idea of not having inviting many guests to their party. Poster don't stress that man please ❤️

      Delete
    8. Dear, marriage is about sacrifice which means things will not always go your way and you find yourself doing or accepting things you will never find yourself doing because you love your partner so you have to ask yourself these questions. Do I Love him enough to sacrifice or look away? If your answer is no, then you have to take a break from your marriage plans but if it's yes, then give yourself a chance; doing this for him by focusing on him and the Love you share.

      The truth is you can't separate a guy that has friends from his friends except he does it himself.

      Finally, I will suggest you get medical help too because these might not be as simple as it seems.

      Goodluck

      Delete
  4. Talk marriage, talk compatibility. Marriage is easier when both of you are mostly alike. If you are different, you will find very simple matters become over blotted and become serious issues. There is nothing wrong with him wanting crowd or you not wanting crowd but both of you are going to sound unreasonable to each other over this because you not alike. If any of you eventually give way for the other, the person will feel bad because that isn't what he or she really wanted for their dream wedding.

    Just be sure you are making the right decision. And be mindful that you will have to compromise on so many issues in the future if you both are not alike on most issues.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Stella sometimes this your advice sef na wa. So at the risk of her health she should accommodate and sacrifice, na real wa for you o. My question really is why are you entering such a commitment with someone who obviously doesn't take you or your health seriously, becos they go together truly. Unless he doesn't understand or believe you on the seriousness of your symptoms. Mental health is everything these days. No one needs to tell you that even a friendship with such a person puts you at risk. If your ability to function at optimum is threatened by being around people, you should have been more intentional about your choice for a life partner. If not his hyper-socialization will either sicken you literally or drive a wedge between you, becos if he can't have friends over he will spend much of his time with them, ultimately, away from you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't agree with you. If someone has issues with their mental health, they should see a Doctor ( Psychiatrist) and also therapist, not trying to make others conform to their own way of life that is selfish. To me the poster is the one who is being inconsiderate, what is a wedding without your friends being there to celebrate with you.? A wedding, more so a court wedding is just for a few hours, she can restrain whatever fears or phobia she may have.
      Better still before the wedding day, let her see a therapist to help her overcome whatever trauma (s) she had and overcome her enochlophobia

      Delete
    2. Anon can't you make your comment without this unsolicited and aggressive remarks about Stella. This place is open for everybody proffer solution the best way they can and we don't espect everybody to give same advice please stop it. You can disagree with her without sounding aggressive.

      If you are 'Mr Perfect advicer' then get an ID so we can be monitoring the kind of advice that you give here to know if they will always be perfect and commend you for it

      Delete
    3. Stella I want to encourage you read about depression and anxiety Disorder
      It will help in adding more and expanding your red pen

      Delete
  6. I stand with Stella on this.
    Try and compromise. 5 hrs won't hurt you. 🌹

    ReplyDelete
  7. Poster by now you and your man suppose don sabi eachother and wetin go work.
    He is excited and just want to have fun. Leave him be.
    Even at the registry it won't be just you and & your hubby, there will be other couples too.
    Who will also bring their own crowd.
    So chill and enjoy your day

    ReplyDelete
  8. If both of you can't compromise for each other,then the marriage isnt supposed to take place..

    Also,do you know some men belong to one or two clubs or meeting group and your wedding is the day you get enough financial gifts when you invite them?

    For a man like that for example,he has been contributing for other members and now that it is his own time,you are saying Anxiety?

    For him to insist on his friends,there is something financial attached to their coming for his wedding and it is very bad for you to deprive him of that very right which comes one in a lifetime..

    Please buy better sunglasses and wear that day make you no fit see anybody papa that day;the envelope means a lot to him;and also for his fellow colleagues,friends and all to celebrate with him and tick register for him too..

    If he isn't asking you for financial assistance to host them that day;kindly let him be;you don't even need to do much that day;you can even feign small headache to avoid the crowd,he will make excuses for you to his friends..

    @MARTINS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Martins just sounded like those Main Market boys 🀣. Those their meetings and club associations are not to be joked with o🀣. And there weddings are usually to impress members and get as much money reward as possible because na turn by turn something 🀣🀣🀣.

      Delete
    2. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

      @Ms Saphire;my guy made over 3M from his wedding last month with his club and village meeting group;cash sprayed and envelope;guy man use am stock up his shop..
      Come and see his office nowπŸ˜€πŸ˜€


      Imagine his wife telling him that she doesn't want crowd that dayπŸ˜€πŸ˜€
      In this economy? Wedding fit cancel be that na

      For many guys to insist on their friends coming;money dey at stake and it's very much needed in this economyπŸ˜€

      Abeg make the poster fight the anxiety for at least three hours make guy man cash outπŸ˜€πŸ˜€;na turn by turn thingsπŸ˜€πŸ˜€

      @MARTINS

      Delete
  9. Stella nawa with your advise. This lady has a medical condition called ENOCHLOPHOBIA. It’s an anxiety disorder.
    Poster kindly let your husband know you have this disorder and please do see a neuropsychiatrist to place you on some drugs to relieve your fears on and before the D-day. HML

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If her case is this serious then they have no business getting married in the first place. Clearly this is an important issue for her husband- to -be. She either manage her situation with drugs or call off the wedding because this guy is very social and may not take the issue of not inviting his friends likely.

      Delete
    2. Her best bet would be to call off the wedding.

      Sluttychic.

      Delete
    3. Na wa oh I’m im him I won’t call it off
      Is it easy to find a good woman
      You now find and ley go cause of wedding

      Delete
    4. All the more reason she should seek professional help, and not try to obfuscate the truth about her wedding preferences. People are not born with Enclophobia, something triggered it. Therefore, the earlier she faces this fear(s) professionally, the quicker her journey towards a normal life will be.

      Delete
    5. She needs help not shying away from the problem because after marriage, what about child birth, child dedication and all that involves people visiting in battalions

      Delete
    6. Somebody said they re not compatible una say it's not enough to write d marriage off, poster kedu ihe a ga mere gi, wetin you wan make he do

      Delete
    7. My dear! Today comment section just tire me! A lot of Nigerians are so ignorant of certain medical conditions. This is sad, na only to check blogs and ig dem sabi, read rhem no go read.
      Poster, I assume your fiance is aware of this condition? If not, let him know. If he is aware and still wants to go ahead with the nos of guests then there is a problem.

      Delete
  10. How to enjoy relationship/marriage, let one be oneself so far is not affecting the other.Your husband is sociable, have many friends while you have few . Can't he just let you be with your own choice???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Accept her choice then despise her for killing his dream wedding or depriving him the presence of his friends on his big day?

      Delete
  11. I think before , you marry someone it is necessary you both should be on the same social page because if you are the type that likes 'owambe' or like keeping chains of friend and the other partner doesn't like such, sometimes it puts strain on the marriage, else you will just find out you are struggling to live the other person's life or trying hard to satisfy him or her at your own detriment. Well, discuss how you feel and both of you should reach a concensus.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Pls poster dont takw Stella's advice. She clearly doesnt understand mental health.
    You dont need to invite more friends to balance any equatiin as it should put you under more stress.
    I hope your fiance's lifestyle wont hurt you more in the future. These kind of people will tend to invite so much people for little occassiins, have friends over and all that.
    Quietly reevalute your relation and know if its something you can cope with.
    Then pls try and seek proffessional help.
    Good luck

    ReplyDelete
  13. yes, marriage is about sacrifice and this is his day too. you'll learn that everything will not always go your way and then learn to pick your battles. smile even if it is fake. you'll be fine.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Madam, please try as much as you can to play the perfect host role whenever you have people around you,it's very important as you're getting married soon,if not you'll be tagged. Just smile and play along,it's just for some few hours. These people are stake holders in your marriage either you like it or not

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe the husband understands her to an extent and he won't flood his house with endless visitors and relatives. Poster, manage this one day abeg, marriage isn't only about you.

      Delete
    2. Those people are not stakeholders except the man is a fool

      Delete
  15. Let him do what he likes get your own friends you will gist with you are done taking your vows.it’s a court wedding I doubt you will have the time to exchange greetings with all of them,just assume they are just there to fill numbers. You will be fine

    ReplyDelete
  16. Poster you knew your fiance to be a sociable person, but you still went ahead to accept his proposal. Do you think wedding is the only crowd pulling occasion that will arise in the course of your marriage? What will you do at your child(ren) christening, birthdays, other family members birthdays and wedding, burial ceremonies.etc. that are crowd attracting? will you, after the wedding force your husband to be a recluse or anti social just because you have a phobia for crowd, or ask family members to dim their joy because you have issues with crowd? if he insists on attending, or you reluctantly allow him to attend these occasions alone, what do you think other family members and friends will think of you? won't you later turn around to accuse your husband of neglect?
    I don't know what phobia you have wether enclophobia, Anglophobia or any other, I am not a mental health practitioner. But the earlier you face these fears and not allow them control your life, by going to consult a therapist who will help you deal with whatever triggered your fear of crowd, the better for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 🍾🍾🍾🍾 this is Heineken it's chilled I still have ice packs, these are chicken it's crunchy too snack on πŸ—πŸ”πŸ—πŸ” , I love this comment

      Delete
  17. Probably suffering from enochlophobia.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Stellz, a mental health condition doesn’t work like that, you can’t just adjust and perk up and everything is fine and dandy, these are real medical conditions requiring medication in some instances.

    Poster, this is so tricky as weddings are celebratory events and having lots of ppl is the norm. You could insist on a small registry affair and then a luncheon where you attend for a short period and him and his friends celebrate for the rest of the time, then he meet up with you after.

    He does not seem like the most considerate person, as he made no suggestions on how he can accommodate your needs. but I assume that you have vetted him well and find him suitable for your lifetime partner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster if your husband does not listen that is. MASSIVE RED FLAG

      It means he is inconsiderate

      Delete
  19. Must this wedding go on? Like I see no business with you two coming together

    ReplyDelete
  20. Madam please you need to calm down so you do not want him to celebrate this one registry with his family and friends because you have anxiety? Abeg go and see a therapist, you are the one with the issue why does he need to conform on his big day? Abi you want to emancipate him? You already sound like a stressful person sef. Abeggy allow the one enjoy his day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True love means being considerate and not being selfish
      Poster does your husband to be show care and kindness

      Delete
  21. Communication is key when it comes to issues concerning relationship/marriages.there's nothing much you can do right now.you either have the discussion with him again,accept him the way he is or delay the registry until when you are mentally ready for it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I am like u poster so I understand but try and manage its only for a day right?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Lady T /worth more than a thousand dollars19 October 2023 at 20:17

    Alot of the post i have read here are chiding the poster to allow her guy. No problem.
    But here is the thing, what the poster is talking about is really serious. And she says she has tried explaining to him but it appears he doesn't know how serious it is. Anxiety disorder is real.

    The poster needs help.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A lot of them do not understand what this lady is dealing with. Na only africa magic IQ depreciating scripts they understand.

      Delete
  24. I don't like crowds but to feel comfortable invite more of your friends. Balance the equation ✅

    ReplyDelete
  25. Am just like this poster , I do not like too much of people around me . I try so much to adjust but I don't know how to go about it.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Chika (hello iya boys)19 October 2023 at 22:27

    Why you dey fear human being around you nah
    Shebi after wedding every body will find their way back
    The one wan no come gree go
    Abeg take broom sleep am Off🀣🀣

    ReplyDelete
  27. The man is so excited that he is getting married to the woman of his dreams and its worth it to ask his friends to come and witness him confess his vow to is beautiful wife. I understand how anxious u re but get more of ur friends to keep them distracted. Believe me ur friends will make u comfortable

    ReplyDelete
  28. #Stalla u have said it all. Beside, b4 he met u he have those friends right. Abeg relax no go cus problem whr problem no dey o

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stella did not say it all, she has some catching up to do on mental disorders

      Delete

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