Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
Hello Stella,
I’m sending this chronicle because of the asoebi chronicle I read.
I have a friend (a very good friend of mine, a male) getting married next year March and the bride whom I’m not close to but we talk when we see; asked me to be part of her bridal train and asoebi.
I didn’t have a problem with that..the fee was 40k (both bridal and asoebi) but I started having second thoughts because people I’ve come through for during their asoebi always ghost after the wedding. Then this person is not my FRIEND..she is my friend’s bride and has never patronized my business but she always wears the thing I sell!
My prices aren’t expensive because I buy directly from the source and sell at market price..in fact most of my wholesalers are market women but I’ve patronized and referred people to her business countless times!
To be fair, she has only referred one person. So I’ve been asking myself why should I be part of her train? If I were getting married, I wouldn’t have even thought of adding her to my asoebi!
Again, the groom was actively on my case telling me why he can’t marry the lady and wants me instead but I turned him down severally because he wasn’t/isn’t my spec and I consider him as a brother. Funny thing is the lady knows all this.
So please advise me on what to do
Hmmm......
What kind of thing is this? Please remove yourself from the wedding train and attend as a guest....
You dont owe her anything and a bridal train is supposed to be the brides closest friends.... so why is she adding you to it? And why did you accept before? Please tell her you would rather attend as a guest, you dont owe her any reason or explanations..
When i tell people i am glad when you dont invite to your event is because of all this wahala lol. Madam since you have accepted initially if you have the money then join them and have fun, but if you dont have the money tell her asap that you will not be available for that day so that she doesnt start thinking otherwise. Must all this aso ebi thing happen in a wedding even when you dont have friends. Must you borrow friends lol Nigeria too do sha
ReplyDeleteFind an excuse, any excuse not to be part of it. I am all for showing love to everyone but we go first do for who do for us
DeleteIs better you Attend as a guest
DeleteLizzy baby
No need for you to pay for the bridal train outfit. Attend the wedding for the sake of your friend, her fiance and gift them if you want. She's not your friend.
ReplyDeleteNote, she mustn't patronise you.
Uhm... This is messy. Why didn't you count all of this before agreeing to be on her train? Now are you willing to go back on word? Anyway, she did nothing Wong including you in her train whether you consider her a close friend or not, if you have changed your mind, tell her you no Dey do again 🙄
ReplyDeleteStella, you just speak my mind. Well said
ReplyDeleteStella has said it all.
ReplyDeleteNo need to waste your 40k without sewing money for someone who you are nor friends with. Keep your money for something important and face front. Let her do her wedding in peace and also face front. Attend as a guest and do not over do.
Dear Poster, you don't need to be part of her train before you will go and feel out of place as she is not your friend. So just tell her that it will not be convenient for you to be part of her train as you will be busy the days before the wedding day but promise to attend as a guest at the wedding itself. Period
DeleteDear Poster, you don't need to be part of her train before you will go and feel out of place as she is not your friend. So just tell her that it will not be convenient for you to be part of her train as you will be busy the days before the wedding day but promise to attend as a guest at the wedding itself. Period
DeleteWhy do people accept something on impulse only to start thinking about it later on?
ReplyDeleteYou are supposed to think before accepting, rather than accept before thinking. Pls let her know that you won't be able to do it. You owe her nothing.
Gbam
DeleteAnd no, Stella, the bridal train is not necessarily the bride's 'closest friends. I've been invited to be part of trains of people who I'll consider acquaintances. If I can do, I say yes... If not, I say no. So don't blame the bride please. Poster should have had the wisdom to say no in the first place.
ReplyDeleteSome don't necessarily need to be a friend, some part of the country hire aso ebi, mourners for their event, If you are capable attend for your Friend sake just that the relationship dies after the wedding,the husband might be the person insisting you should be part of the train.
DeleteBusiness is saturated these days.
Hey poster.
ReplyDeleteYou really need to apply wisdom, when talking to her. You can tell her you have 2 wedding ceremonies to attend that day. So you will have to divide your time. Be at the first one in the morning and be at hers during her reception. Case closed
No need to lie.
DeleteThe acquaintanceship with the woman and friendship with the man would end anyway after the marriage ceremony. The wife would see to that.
Just tell her that due to reason you did not consider before accepting her request, you would not be able to go on with your acceptance to be on her bridal train.
Attend the wedding, gift as you can, and leave them alone after.
But wait o, how do women reject a man's proposal, want to be a part of ceremonies of his marriage to another woman, and expect to continue the friendship after the marriage with the wife knowing? I really want to learn.
After the man who became the claimed Baby Daddy to my closest female friend looked at me one kind during a visit to her workshop/home combo premises, nobody told me to stay far way.
Simple and short
DeletePeople should just learn how to say ‘No’. ‘No’ is a complete sentence.
ReplyDeleteIf you say ‘yes’, then do it without calculating the fact she doesn’t buy from you. You said it yourself, you are not friends. People buy asoebi for being acquainted with the celebrant, not necessarily because they are close friends.
This shouldn’t give you a headache. Do what you are comfortable with and move on. If she reminds you that you said ‘yes’, it doesn’t matter. You reserve the right to change your mind. However, manage this so it doesn’t cause an issue with your actual friend - the groom.
Mystic
Bride is playing smart by bringing her enemy closer, lol don't join the train she's not your friend abeg
ReplyDeletePlease avoid this pressure 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeletePoster tell her now that there is still time o, not when the time is near you start telling her you are coming to the wedding as a guest not as a bride's maid. Let her find someone else on time.
ReplyDeleteIf i were you, i will stay far away from this couple since the groom's eyes was on you before to avoid problems because i know my gender.. unless you want to be called a snatcher soon😄
Inviting you to her best ever event in life as part of the train could only mean one thing, 'she admires you a lot'. There are many people we love but don't know the best way to get close to them, so whenever opportunity presents itself, we grab it like this. If you can afford it, be part of it and celebrate her. You have got to lose nothing in supporting her and by extension, your friend.
ReplyDeleteTrue
DeleteDear poster, you need to apply wisdom here. If you haven't shown her any commitment or willingness to be part of the train better, it will be easier to give an excuse of having another wedding/commitment same day, but that you will try make it still, like briefly, but if you have already shown interest and now you are just coming with that excuse of having another wedding or so, it will sound somehow.
ReplyDeleteIf you have no much money for the aso ebi, let her know politely and then go with a little gift at least to the wedding. One shouldn't feel uneasy because you want to please others.
Buying asoebi and becoming part of a bridal train for someone you are not close to is not compulsory, especially if it's not convenient. Nigerians like commercializing every opportunity.
ReplyDeleteJust do it if you can afford it
ReplyDeleteDo it cause you already said yes
ReplyDeleteIt’s a way to discipline yourself…next time think before you commit
Don’t do it. Tell her you thought you could raise the money but the way things are, you can’t afford it. If she wants to beef you, let her go ahead. Y’all learn to stop pleasing people.
DeleteSluttychic.
I am sorry, even God has changed His mind on a number of occasions. It is perfectly fine to have second thoughts and change your mind.
DeletePls just be a guest, i think i will go with madam stella advice
ReplyDeleteStella, these days bridal train has gone beyond friends o. Most of them go with who can afford the asoebi and all
ReplyDeleteShe's adding you so you can see up close that she's marrying him Na.
ReplyDeleteYou knew he didn't want her and she knows about this. Yet you are forming asoebiship with her.
Please attend the wedding as a guest just becuz of your friend...wahala
ReplyDeleteYes, it's best you attend as a guest.you don't need to explain anything to anyone.
ReplyDeleteAfter giving the details that the Groom was seeking your hand, it is best to attend as a guest. That is too freakin weird. While I am all for maturity, I don’t do weird.
ReplyDeleteKindly tell her that due to some unseen events you will not be able to participate. Apologise for any inconvenience and keep it moving. Good thing that time is on your side.
It's best you attend as a guest. Tell her this on time. I'm also of the opinion that your friendship with her husband shouldn't be as close as it used to be.
ReplyDeleteBefore now bridal train na close friends dem dey select,but now selection is based on people who can pay for the attire themselves.
ReplyDeleteAbeg i will advise you attend as a guest. Please let her know on time that you would pull out, make u no go scatter her plans.
Half story are you jealous that she is getting married before you since her husband to be toasted you before ? because what makes your agree before this second thought maybe the man is still entering your eyes ,do whatever you want but pls know that after wedding the door of thà t home is firmly closed to you if you don't attend
ReplyDeleteAlways going left
DeleteThis bride is petty. She is feeling threatened by your presence in her man's life. That is part of why she wants you on her train with everything she knows about you and her man.
ReplyDeleteInfact you should consider stop being close friends with them.
You shouldn't have accepted in the first place, e for even better say na grooms man you be.
Just tell her you changed your mind, like Stella said you don't owe her explanation, you are not her friend.
For this hard time when Nigeria is not smiling, I beg just go there like a guest or stay away.
ReplyDeleteWell, the groom's is a nonsense man. He is going to cheat ehn.
ReplyDeleteRemove yourself from both of them and say a resounding NO. You know you are the groom's first choice and married or not, he will not rest until he has you. Me personally once a man is married, I cannot and will not be your friend because I don't want stories that touch. Some men are quick to run outside when there is marital strife, particularly when they do not marry their first choice. As for the bride she is playing keep your friends close but your enemies closer. She adds no value to your life and you will add no value to her bridal train anyway, so open your mouth and say no.
ReplyDeleteThe Ball is your court..... If other people who are in the train aint your friend too you won't enjoy that outing.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand what's in the mind of the bride sha
ReplyDeleteDont do it, it's a trap.
ReplyDeleteDon't go,some women see this marriage as if it's a gateway to heaven....she just wanna pepper period
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThe most complex B
Let your yes be your yes
ReplyDeleteDo exactly what Stella said.. everything is just so wrong with the arrangement
ReplyDeletePoster I think you should attend the wedding as a guest and try to remove your self from that family to avoid trouble since the groom was your friend and wanted to marry you first
ReplyDeleteThe bride maybe jealousy and wanted to use this opportunity to harm you through other bridesmaid on that day. Remove your self from that family to avoid had I know
I do not see anything wrong with the arrangement. What I see wrong is in your state of mind dear poster. What is your problem exactly, that she will ghost you afterwards, or that she did not patronise you??
ReplyDeleteNot sure why you have so much expectations from her. You have stated clearly that you are not friends. She is getting married to your friend. And she knows you have history or that he likes you. She wants to keep considerable distance from you, thus, not buying from you. She does not have to reciprocate by buying from you. Maybe she is trying to keep a respectful distance between the both of you. I don’t even think you should both be friends. See finish and the rest of it will enter the relationship/marriage.
She has asked you to be her bridesmaid out of respect for her husband to be. He is probably the person that suggested it. And she accepted. Now, You have accepted. Please honour it and then face your life. Simple.
You do not need to patronise her either.