Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHO PREACHES
You guys,please pray for me,I don’t know how to handle what’s hurting me. And i pray God takes away this bitterness,heaviness and pain in my heart towards this man (husband).
Hmmmmm he punched you when a baby in your arms? A Pastor? And after punching you he asked for prayers and you refused? He was so wrong but you also provoked him......
You guys,please pray for me,I don’t know how to handle what’s hurting me. And i pray God takes away this bitterness,heaviness and pain in my heart towards this man (husband).
He’s a pastor. Well…he hit me few days ago,a very heavy slap,I don’t even know if it’s a slap or blow. Its well.still feel slight pain in my ears. Was really tired,and my baby finally slept after plenty petting.Laid her Down and went on to do few things b4 I go to bed,I don’t know who sent him to close her mouth…she woke up and started crying,I now said ,ahan,why did you have to wake her up, you should have left her mouth…he started talking and saying what I didn’t even expect,I quietly went to bring her food into the room so I can feed her, sat on the bed,and asked him to give her to me,instead,he kept her down,far from where I was ,that I would have to stretch all out to carry her...
I was really tired,to avoid talks since he’s always shouting at every provocation,I pushed his legs off and carried her,I already took the food in my hands when he said I should go feed else where,I said I can’t,I have already carried the food,he should shift if he’s not comfortable,he started talking and talking again then I said I will not move from where I was sitting,he should move instead since there’s much space on the bed. He started kicking me with his legs and I was like ahan,what’s all this,why will you be kicking me like this!
Well I won’t stand up! He stood up,collected the food and kept everything far away from me,I then decided I won’t stand up to do anything,I would just breast feed in bed instead,I now said I wonder why he behaves unreasonable,he started shouting,saying I wasn’t trained bla bla bla and he was loud...
We have neighbors,people that I have never heard them shouting at each other ,I now said please shut up…by this time I was already in bed with her, he came started saying all manner of things…if you want to pack out you can pack your things and go,bla bla bla. So many things that I didn’t even expect,and said I am mannerless that’s why I can tell him to shut up,I now said then keep quiet…
It was already late,like around past 11,the compound was already so quiet,and I believe they would have heard him shouting.I didn’t shout back,I was talking.I don’t like to shout at all so I dont. Then I said you’re behaving so unreasonable… b4 I knew it,he gave me a very heavy hit on my face…I really regret not slapping him back tho. Then he left the room.
I just kept my calm.
After few mins l,he came back to the room ,then I quietly left b4 them land me another blow,came to the sitting room and he followed me,he apologized but I didn’t say a word,he then said we should pray,I told him I wasn’t in the mood to pray,he can pray if he wants to.
He did and I didn’t say anything at all,because in my heart I wasn’t praying along.
Well since then I haven’t said a word to him,it’s 2 days now and he hasn’t said anything to me too…mean while,yesterday,when he came back from the office(church) he sad he was hungry but I didn’t say anything,I already cooked tho. I continued doing what I was doing.
I was washing clothes at the backyard,when he saw I wasn’t answering him,he locked me out,locked the back door and went to lock the front door too.I didn’t say anything at all,after few mins,he came to open it. We both are not talking to each other .I am deeply pained about it.I don’t even know what to do,or how to handle this
Hmmmmm he punched you when a baby in your arms? A Pastor? And after punching you he asked for prayers and you refused? He was so wrong but you also provoked him......
I dont know what to say at all but meanwhile please dont make another baby.
The beating wont stop, so you have to decide what you want before he mistakenly hurts you so bad that you wont be able to rectify this....
Maybe you know who or what he fears the most? A church leader or church head? Please report him fast!!
He cannot stand in chruch to preach to others when he is not an example of a godly man.... Dont keep quiet or be ashamed to seek for help or pack your things and run when it becomes too much oh.....
The Marriage is probably still young and trying to cross the difficult stage but the abuse has added hot pepper to it....
Keep us updated.
I feel like you’ve endured so much that you have now been broken and you are now lashing back. The fact that he could slap you while holding a kid is something I can’t fathom.
ReplyDeleteNo be me go tell u Wetin to do before dem go tell me say I dey husband house and I dey advise another person to leave her own but it doesn’t ever stop at one hit and since you’ve started talking back, it’s only gonna get worse
Haba Eka, try and be balanced na. U didn’t see where she looked her husband and told him to shut up? Is he her child? Can u tell ur husband to shut up? At least i didn’t see where u admonished her, rather ‘u feel she has taken too much’ but she didn’t say it na, so u r projecting.
DeleteAnon whatever time you typed, didn’t you see where the husband was shouting unnecessarily? Yes she’s right to have told him to shut up. At past 11pm with a baby at hand, and you think his shouting is nice? Someone needed to tell him to shut up
DeleteAnon please leave Eka alone, did you not see where Eka also blamed the woman for lashing out? and speaking to the man in a harsh and disrespectful tone? They are both really bitter now and unless they see a therapist that marriage is dead..
DeleteSee ehn, I am a preacher of returning the energy you bring, if u shout at me, husband or not, it will get to a stage I will shout back at u? Am I a goat? Why are u shouting? I’ve been a victim of domestic violence that I took like a novice and I have resolved to never ever let anyone treat me like that again. If u shout at me, I will shout at u, if u slap me, I will slap u back (I’m not even kidding)
DeleteMAdam get separated first to put things into perspective. The abuse and emotional torture will continue,just so you know so it is up to you to want to leave or not.
DeleteHmmmmm I don't know what to say but God please fix your home
Delete"Anon please leave Eka alone, did you not see where Eka also blamed the woman for lashing out? and speaking to the man in a harsh and disrespectful tone?"
Delete@17:12 where did you find the above in her comments?
Na wa. We know what she said to Poster directly and indirectly. She returned to clarify it.
Lol @ Eka. Real life is different from social media. May none of us ever be in a violent position. A man's energy is way more than that of a woman, especially when it comes to a fight
DeleteUnless it's a self defence situation or the only option available, the best thing to always do is to run away and get help.
I'm a security operative and I can tell you for free that fighting a man back never ends well. And there are lots of evil, wicked men out there.
Your husband sha. After slapping,abi punching you, he wanted you to pray.
ReplyDeleteHis brain is disconnected from his conscience, he is a dangerous man
DeleteExtremely dangerous hypocrite of a man!
DeleteSorry forgive him pls try and know why he did what he did ,men are stretched nowadays and pastors even more because of money issue but if the abuse continues pls find an elder over him to report to
ReplyDeleterubbish advice. Forgiving is not the issue. The man is unhinged. what kind of man hits the mother of his child? She told him to shut up... so?? he was yelling at a TIRED new mother. She obviously handles all the work when it comes to caring for the child. Do you even know what it entails? He is stretched. So? So is she!
DeleteTwo hot heads. You both have no business getting married, you repel each other, too much toxicity, toomuch provocation and beef. Two people cannot be hot at the same time, use wisdom stay or pack out as he suggested.
ReplyDeleteExactly, they are too stubborn, they don't match chaa!
DeleteBlackberry it's more of a SELFISH man without SELF-CONTROL and full of ANGER!
DeleteSorry poster, forgive and forget afterall he’s your husband, cook a nice meal and present to him while kneeling down. Remember he’s the head of the house so you most honor him as a virtuous woman.
ReplyDeleteDon’t provoke him to hit or lock u out next time, remember u have to show good examples to the church . God Abeg ooooo
Merryment
I believe that this is sarcasm.
DeleteGiving god status to a broken man
DeleteKneel down after assault?
Merry dwarf.
DeleteMerryment
ReplyDeleteWow there is so much pettiness here and one person not ready to lower their ego...First off, your husband has no right to hit no matter what and I condemn his actions. Plus I hope you baby was not hurt as well..
ReplyDeleteHowever, Poster you were with your baby, and you were exchanging words with your husband when you saw he was visibly angry...I wish the later part of your story was the action you took initially i.e you could have jeje carried your baby and food and go straight to the sitting room when he started his tantrums. Please don't keep quiet and report him to his parents and yours so that he can keep his hands to himself and his emotions in check...
Both of you need serious counselling and I am sorry what he did to you; please when there is an exchange of words or quarells; it is not easy but try not to exchange words instead quietly leave where the source of anger is and go to a calm place...
All the best...Sorry about the ordeal
👌👌👌👌👌
Delete👊👊👊👊👊 you're blessed phoenix
DeleteYou are verbally abusive and your husband is physically abusive.
ReplyDeleteWords on Marble.
In as much as I feel your husband has a violent streak it doesn't in any way change the fact that you don't have a good manner of approach and you talk brashly.
DeleteYour manner of approach is very bad. Even in your write-up, it seeps through. You could have written, "I don't know why he decided to close her mouth" but instead you wrote, "You don't know who SENT HIM"
You are rude and hot-headed and your husband is immature and violent. Bad combination!
I believe your husband didn't close it to wake her up, if he knew she would wake up he wouldn't have closed it. You took out the fact that you were stressed on him and lashed out asking him why he went there when you could have done otherwise. Even the bible says a soft-spoken word turns away anger. You seem aggravating to be very honest.
You told him to bring her to you after you sat on the bed(which means after you scolded him for waking her up, he was trying to pacify her to return to sleep) when you could have collected the baby before you sat down considering there was enough tension already in the atmosphere.
For the remaining part your husband was wrong considering you were trying to feed the baby he should have been considerate enough and let you be instead of trying to push you around. He already woke the baby (though it was not intentional but the least he could do was give you room to rock her back to sleep) He could have waited and then later aired his grievances far away from the baby.
His hitting you was a way of gaining respect in his own eyes. Yes, that is how weak men try to gain respect. They forget, that you don't force respect you earn it. A woman you hit can't even respect you, maybe fear you but she won't respect you.
He did not apologise to you because he was sorry, he apologised because he wanted to pray and he felt guilty not for hitting you but felt guilty standing before God after the act. He just wanted to have a clean conscience before God before he went to him in prayer, that was all. After the prayer, didn't the malice continue?
I don't think he would ever stop again. He has done it once and it may continue. What if when he hit you and you hit your head or the baby's?
You both have a lot of work to do. You both are at fault. If it continues, please marriage is not a do or die. Anyone who hits you can kill you mistakenly.
Words on Marble.
Simple. She did good by telling the truth of this incident. But all was triggered by previous incidents untold. Note that her detailed narration did not include a previous physical abuse. Bad as the man's action is, this is another chronicle written to standard format.
Delete16.16
DeleteHow did you know about the past incidents? Are you living with them at home?
What if she has been the one gaslighting him in the past..
I really hate the way some of you reason..
Ok, I see my son's mouth open when he is sleeping, won't I close it? What if something fly into his mouth?
The man had good intentions to close the baby's mouth, she was supposed to understand even though the baby woke up, he never meant to wake her up..
But instead, she started insulting him..
In every situation, I trace the matter to the root, if the root issue never happened, the issues that grew from it would have been non existent..
The man should have just walked away too, no let woman push you to hitting them, people would not blame her violent mouth but instead blame her violent mouth..
You sef, learn bad mouth like me, don't listen to any girls manipulation that a man is not supposed to talk, if you don't talk and bottle up too much, you'll be forced to hit her one day, so bobo, if she give you gbas with her mouth, give am gbas gbos with your mouth back.. if she hits you, then you can also defend yourself..
No one has monopoly of madness..
PS: avoid senseless people from the early stage before the relationship gets serious. Protect your peace and future..
Bless✌️
Dante,
DeleteThe comment @16:16 was made from marital experience.
It was not "he closed baby's mouth and she woke up crying" that caused this chronicle.
Some of us have been there. The husband and wife have simmering aggro. Some wives are known to use baby issues to fight what they cannot ordinarily fight and win in the court of family or public opinion.
But for the fact that she was truthful enough to balance the narration, who would say she was partly at fault, event if only 1% in the eyes of some Bvs, in this matter.
This chronicle looks like my handwriting. Poster, if mine had a brother who is married I would say he is the one. Me self I am in deep thought.
DeleteHe is first a human being,blood is running through his vein,pastor is just a title.
ReplyDeleteThis marriage is so young from your chronicle,I will suggest you both stop this malice because it will make matters worse.
You both need to learn about emotional intelligence and stop every form of provocation,assault and all forms of abuse
You both cannot be hot at the same time.
All the best!
He is a human being WITHOUT SELF-CONTROL!
DeleteQuarrelling with his wife over their baby's well-being IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?
Where is his love and protection towards his wife and child?
Very BADLY RAISED MAN who has LEARNT NOTHING from Christ.
It is not enough to bear the title of a PASTOR.
What sort of chronicle is this? Your husband is immature and irritable. You are uncouth and you have an unbridled tongue. He likes to exercise his authority as the head of the house when it is not even necessary and you like to challenge him. I hate to make negative prognostications but, your marriage is a disaster waiting to happen.
ReplyDeleteYou challenge him and goad him and he tries to prove that he is the head. That's what is happening. He seems controlling too.
What you should have done at first is what you are now doing .keeping nute when the other party is angry doesn't make you a fool
ReplyDeleteLearn to birdle your tongue
ReplyDeleteSorry dear, you both pushed each other. Please seek help and try break the silence. You both need to talk as soon as possible and be objective not emotional when having this conversation.
ReplyDeleteYou both can decide to descalate as soon as you both sense your future conversations are b3coming toxic. Avoid the triggers. Learn each other's triggers.
Work on your marriage and understand each other and more importantly grow your partner into a better person.
DV should never be condoned and it begins with verbal abuse and on and on. If DV persist then your life takes priority
Poster I think you want to stay
ReplyDeleteFind somewhere to go for now please
He’s taking like someone that wants you to leave
You both are abusive people..
ReplyDeleteDifference is that one uses their mouth,while the other uses their hands..
You both either learn to ignore and calm the environment;or call off and rest..
There is no award for who is always right in marriage;so focus on what made you two come together as husband and wife;nurture it,grow it and keep watering it..
Look beyond each other's flaws,neither you or your husband is perfect;we are all a work in progress;but with love the first few years will be smooth and temptation conquered..
Wish you both the best;next time he is angry and saying what you don't like;put water in your mouth and count 100 backwards,that way you say nothing;only a foolish man reacts physically to nothing! then voice your mind when everywhere is calm;like reasonable adults .
More grace to you both..
@MARTINS
They are not both abusive
DeleteYou’re been unreasonable is not being abusive
It may not be the perfect thing to say in that moment but that’s not abuse
He literally called her names and told her to leave. Was she supposed to be happy
I hate false equivalency where we say you have both done wrong when the wrongs don’t even come close
I dunno how they are not seeing it. This poster has been pushed to the point where she starts lashing out back. You bring gbas, she returns with gbos.
DeleteSo the husband kicking her with his leg is ok right???? God knows i dare any man to slap me na grave you go go straight!!! or i make sure you are locked up for the rest of your miserable life...
DeleteDear Poster, this is the time to leave. At least temporarily.
ReplyDeleteThis will re-occur again if not taken care of now. I don't know if he has ever hit you or this is the first time.
Pls do not I repeat do not take this lying low.
Go and tell your parents and let them call his parents to talk to him. This will forestall a repeat.
And pls, when he gets into this kind of mood, give him space. Don't talk back or further provoke him.
Don't tell him shut up. Don't tell him you won't move, when someone is looking for a reason to be difficult don't give then ammunition against you.
It was wrong of him to say you people should pray, that's shying away or down playing what happened.
Pls don't give him a reason to display what is hidden in him.
He has anger issues and has ego problems.
Pls. Report this so tbat there won't be a repeat.
I want to believe there were red flags before you got married and you ignored it. Why will he lock you out? Pls escalate this if not it won't stop.
I have a friend who has seizures because her husband use to beat and bang her head on the wall.
You two need to go for seminars on Emotional Intelligence and conflict resolution.
Best wishes.
And dear poster, it seems you are on edge. Maybe because of the baby. But you need to work on yourself. You stoop to conquer.
DeleteDon't join issues with him. As much as you can help it, avoid arguing or quarreling.
And pls you need elderly mentors. So when this kind of thing happens you can report yourselves and have someone talk to you both.
I wish we could connect, so I share a few things with you.
Matthew7:1-4. Read it and work with it.
When things happen, many times i begin to pray for myself. Its a principle. As God is working on me he is also working on the other person. And it has worked for me.
Also read Ephesians 4:31-32.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.
32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
2 The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.
You guys have a lot of work to do. Wishing you God's grace.
You are very mannerless, madam.
ReplyDeleteYou lack respect for the man you call your husband. How can you even tell him to shut up? Dragging space with him? You don't have sense, abegg.🥴🚶🏼♀️
I agree with you on this. She told him to shut up. And if anything at all, she went physical first. She tried to push his legs away. See the way she trivialised everything she did and magnified what he did, cos she knows she would get the support that she wants here.
DeleteLollll, smelling pickmeishas 🤣🤣🤣🤣 nigerian men your lords and ever lasting masters
Delete16:04 HOW did she trivialise everything she did and magnify her husband's?
DeletePoster was actually factual and unbiased in her chronicle.
Hmmmmmmm, a pastor once told me a woman's power lies in her tongue that if a man doesn't want to hear bad words or abuse from his woman he shouldn't provoke her, this man is a reputable man of God he said anytime he makes any mistake, mummy will use mouth finish him, infact for days he won't hear anything at home again except real abuse from mummy, and he never lift hand to beat her, this man is very rich and sends mummy on vacation every year o,if not more than once, since he told me this I've been very patient with my madam, cos if mummy can have dagbana who is my wife
ReplyDeleteThat is what this Poster wants to hear. Thank you for telling her.
DeletePoster, over to you. Start abusing your husband for 7 more days (4 days per slap). Remember you have already abused him 1 day on the day of the slap.
Anon@15:48
Your Pastor's wife would have trained her daughters and sons to do the same by example. But what if their husbands or wives do not collect tithes to send them on twice a year vacation, what do you think will happen in their marriages?
Anon 17:27 I agree with you
DeleteI’m a firm believer that you teach peoples how to treat you. As a woman, I can’t imagine staying with a person who rains insults on me for days, or one who beats me. The pastor wife knows the man will accept anything. Who knows if his children have been trained to insult him too because after all their mother doesn’t receive any repercussions for doing so
You would have been admitted 10 times in two days if you were married to my ex. I only experienced one slap in over a decade marriage because I knelt down to beg when he starts nagging and I can kneel for 10mins pleading. I held on to that marriage because I was the only one that got married "born again" and I was called church girl. My other siblings married christians that were not tongue blasting and are still married till date. I was chased out 7/8 times because he said he was tired. I endured physical and emotional abuse and he finally betrayed me after 12yrs together. I did the impossible for him and that sacrifice of my love is not what I have read on any news before. It's not a fetish thing but more like legal actions to win a case but I was betrayed after. We are no longer together but we are friends. God told me to do so because it would be for my good. Healing took years, I had to become friends with him just after 7monrhs, it wa difficult, painful but I had to respect God's Will. We are better off friends now and the healing is permanent. The only thing is that I have remained celibate going 6rs. Story plenty make I stop here. I fear church folks now.
ReplyDeletePoster is a church lady too. So you would fear are too. I fear both of them.
DeleteMadam, you perjured for your husband?
DeleteIf you did, why were you surprised at his betrayal?
Many of these childish men are too toxic and emotionally unintelligent to marry, yet feel entitled to marry. A leader doesnt drag foolishness with his follower, but how many men know how to lead themselves talkless of lead others?
Delete22:31 The only senseless comment j have seen so far.
DeleteWhen you as a woman marry someone who lacks emotional and spiritual intelligence, you are forever lost.
Not about marrying someone carrying Bible the size of wall calendar or title.
STUDY THEM.
See if their words match their actions and vice versa.
People cannot pretend for long.
STUDY YOUR INTENDED.
So you will not marry utter trash and then after a few months turn social media to a shit show episode by episode like that lady who married an old clown always grovelling on his belly for his daily bread.
22:31 I meant only SENSIBLE comment, not senseless.
DeleteOdiegwu pls avoid anything that will trigger him at all cost cos the situation get as e be too much pettiness complain to his people and yours too all the best
ReplyDeleteStella your bvs are dv apologists because I can't believe what I am reading. how can they even blame the nursing mother when it was the man who started everything?!
ReplyDeleteto put a baby to sleep is hard and he decided to just wake her up like that.
anyways poster PLEASE REPORT HIM! REPORT HIM! Yes I am SHOUTING! Report him to forestal any future occurrence because it is definitely going to happen again!
its weak and violet men who hit women, no excuses.
Please, learn to tell people the truth. How did the husband start everything?
DeleteThere was no way the father of the child would intentionally wake her up. Come on?!
The man was wrong to hit her but this woman is not a Saint.
Words on Marble.
Don’t mind them
DeleteThe first instinct of a novice father who sees a baby sleeping with open mouth will be to try and close it to "avoid insects crawling in". That is what is called deliberately waking up a baby?
DeleteIf there was peace in the home before this incident, it would not have escalated. Poster would have welcomed her husband home and quickly told him not to go near the baby, and both of them would not have reacted the way they did.
20:23 Are you living in a pigsty or inside bushes that 'insects are crawling in'. What kind of 'insects' would be crawling in a home at night and be looking for what is not lostt in a screaming baby's mouth???
DeleteLolll some of you are beyond hilarious with your level of reasoning.
What he did was bad n not justifyiable but you also have a lot of work to do on yourself. You really don’t seem to have any respect or regard for him. It’s really sad. The Bible said a soft answer turns away wrath. Why not just get up and change position when he asked you to what’s with the unnecessary dragging?. It’s not nice at all. I believe in mutual respect. You know him closing the baby’s mouth was not intended to wake her your reaction to left a lot to be desired.
ReplyDeleteNext you are telling your husband to shut up. Hmmm. If you want respect learn to give it too. Pls work on your attitude and seek marital counseling
Justifiable *
DeleteBoth of you are wrong, Sometimes when you realize that his talking wouldn't end, you stop talking, ignore him with all your strength, it ain't easy tho, But he's your head, Respect that.
ReplyDeleteBut hitting you physically, And asking for prayers, he's a strange man, with serious anger issues, you need to be very careful, Look for an elder in church that he's respects and go for counseling together.
Please forgive him, he has anger issues that doesn't last, you must learn how to avoid him when this anger is coming please.
ReplyDelete'I pushed his leg off'. That's physical abuse! You started the whole thing, don't down play the venom in your tongue and your violence.
ReplyDeleteYou don’t say 🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteOrishirishi pushing leg is abuse now.
16:29
DeleteLol.
But truth be told, it is an abuse.
If it was done by the man, you would have agreed it is.
Imagine talking to a male spouse, and he push you aside to walk into the room. No matter how gently done in anger, you will feel abused.
Lets balance the scales though very hard to do so always.
Scary scene.
ReplyDeleteShould not have happened if you both used your discipline cards. Both of you are to be blamed but your husband went too far.
He shouldn't have raised his hands.
A wise woman builds her home, a foolish woman scatter hers. Madam learn to bridle your tongue, respect and honour him.
ReplyDeleteThings are expensive and the weather is very hot, he might be going through some challenges, pls madam don't add to it but that doesn't justify your husband hitting you.
No, she that is nursing a baby is not going through anything na. She’s enjoying her life
DeleteEka Joy don't mind those bvs.
DeleteHow many men can take on the rollercoster ride of 9 months pregnancy, labour, nursing a baby, house chores plus 9 to 5work which in Nigeria is actually 8 to 6 job plus traffic!
Why didn't the husband offer to rock their baby back to sleep seeing his wife was edgy and tired?!
Talk to him, as hard as it is to do, stop the malice,, but stop going to church with him. When he asks you to come to church tell him you cannot go smile to ppl when your lives are dirty and hypocritical.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the 1000th time please tell somebody, preferably your parents. He has already locked the doors on you, so his violence is taking different forms, prepare to go. Do not stay in silence and keep his shame, tell it. As a matter of fact tell his parents too so when you leave nobody come and disturb you. Please know that you can separate even with a newborn. There is nothing that says you must remain there. But leave with ppl who have come to collect you there or leave quietly when he is out and doesn’t know, do not give him any warning, move in stealth.
It's from one slap and punch it'll graduate to full beating.
ReplyDeleteIf your husband cannot excercise self control what will he be preaching to his pew?
You could have kept quiet as he was visibly angry. There was no need calling him unreasonable and asking him to shut up.
The earlier you cry out for help from friends and family or even church members, the better for you. He will never change, infact your silence will embolden him and he will continue to hit you and turn around to apologize, this vicious cycle of abuse will never stop until you expose him. Evil strive under secrecy. He needs help, there is no reason whatsoever for him to hit you. He's probably lashing out his frustrations on you and you need to speak out asap!!!
ReplyDeleteWord!!!!!!
DeleteBut what business does he have being a pastor tho? That’s my only concern
ReplyDeleteHis belly called himself.
DeleteThere are sooooo many like that.
Pastorpreneurs.
Pastors of their nyanshes.
Living lavish on church funds.
Renting actors &actresses for bought boju meerakuuls.
Paedophiles and adulterers.
99% of Church goers lack spiritual intuition because they would be able to see that the person spitting saliva on the church pews is smelling like a dead goat.
Poster you want God to make you feel better about something that should make you terrible
ReplyDeleteYour mind is telling you you were treated like crap but you want to ignore so you can stay married. Lol. God I pray you don’t take this feeling away. Let her learn to stand up for herself
A human created by another human slapped your mouth and you’re balancing you own side in it. Pls have some self respect. The nerve
My father said to me , you are always welcomed home …I didn’t build this house for myself but for my wife and you children (us) …if e reach the one wey he Dey beat you, come back’ …rest on pops
ReplyDeleteGo to ur father's house and rest for sometime please..give him space
ReplyDeletePoster,both of you needs counselling,you talk to him anyhow and he's hot tempered.
ReplyDeleteYou know that he's always shouting at every provocation,why not carry your baby without pushing his legs?
He has no right to beat you, report him to his parents or senior pastor so they'll talk to him.
I pray peace will be restored in your marriage 🙏.
Poster,
ReplyDeleteYou know why your husband is uptight like a-ready-for-concert electric guitar. You both should resolve that matter or those matters. This one will stop. But if you resolve it or them, and he hits you another time, RUN.
If you want to involve known third parties, be ready to bring out all the issues - dross and all to be cleaned. If you go tell: "He hit me", you are sweeping the stones under the carpet. As you walk over them daily, they will wear out the carpet and show again or injure your foot.
Two things are certain though, you already feel you marry beneath you and that your husband "no get sense", or he is foolish, or he is not as wise as you. Those two thoughts dripped from every sentence of your post. They are very hard for most husbands to change in their wife's mind and heart. Husbands who are married to women who think as you do, understand what is going on in your homes.
What he did is so so wrong, hitting you which he did in front of your child! This is insane and should be addressed. Poster, you also have your share of fault in this. Walking away and talking less can save you from hiccups that are not needed
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't be telling your husband to shut up or keep quiet when he's not your child. Will you like it if he tells you that? Respect him if you want to be respected too.
That said, you can't continue like this, talk about it, involve those he respects and hope you are earning something. It's key! It's well with your home.
Dragging space with your husband and telling him to shut up!!! Haaa madam is that the kind of tongue and habit a pastor's wife should have??
ReplyDeleteEven if you're age mates, you shouldn't tell a human being to shut up talk more of the one that used his hard-earned money to marry you.
You provoked him intentionally and thought because he's a pastor, he won't react??
You need emotional intelligence with a touch of manner of speech.
Your oga sef get his own demons for body.
Las las, una go dey alright!
Funny how you took your time to enumerate allllll the woman's faults but left it as oga get demons blah blah blah...you lot will be fine.
Delete@anon 9:33... Please say something else😉😉😉
DeleteI don’t even understand most commenters here. Did you read well? He started the provocation. I will do the same thing that she did. Why would he wake up the child? Why can’t he not collect the child and get her sleep so that I can rest? Why is everything the woman’s fault?
DeleteWalk in her shoes first, then come back to judge.
IJEOMA are you implying poster's parents did not spend their HARD-EARNED MONEY to train her from childhood to adulthood?
DeleteThat would have been for at least 25 years!
Now a man who has been married to her for less than 5 years should hit her because he used his hard-earned money to marry her???!
See your level of reasoning!
DV is bad and once started It's mostly likely to continue.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is an animal, a goat in sheep's clothing. Any man that hits a woman who has a you young child she is tending to, or even hit a woman in the presence of children is just a devil. I imagine him pushing you with his legs, saying rubbish to you, ewww the sight is angering me. God what a life, is there even love in this marriage? Cos a man that loves his wife will ignore no matter how angry he was, he will ignore and walk out and to think that you had a baby oh no, this is so shamefull of him. I'm irritated.
And then he goes about asking for praying, where the prayer dey when he dey boil? No be that time he suppose commot go parlour go dey blast in tongues as pastor wey he be? Instead he don land you slap come say make una pray, see that man na heavy pretender.
To make it worse he locked you outside 😒 chai, woman do see something for marriage, like this same house belongs to you as much as its his what the heck!
Poster you provoked him even when you saw he was ready for trouble, you kept on provoking him, it's like this is the first time he hit you, and it's like your marriage is still new.
Just watch it. If the beating continue pls leave the marriage if you can
Omo your mouth is bad and your husband has anger issue
ReplyDeleteForgive him if you can and also separate from him for awhile, just give him space abeg
Yes. Them and every single Nigerian. You included.
DeleteHmmmmm poster please for heaven sake dont cover him up, report him to your parent first then to his parent, If you cover him up it will continued and it might be late for you then.
ReplyDeleteHas he been acting like that or just that? You should know his temperament by now.sorry for the slap 🙏
ReplyDeleteHmmmm
ReplyDeleteThe most complex B
Both of are wrong. But pls don't put hope in that marriage.
ReplyDeleteFrustration on all sides! Nigeria can frustrate the h*ll out of anyone. Men lash out when under pressure in fact some get violent with those closest to them, this is no excuse ooo, but couples pls take it easy on each other Country hard!!!
ReplyDeleteOP, all I know is , he will do it again. He will do it again. If you don't have a job, please get in. Or start a business. Please be prepared. Have an escape route, in case marriage scatters. Never accept abuse
ReplyDeleteWhat job will she get with a nursing baby, Do you people think at all?
DeleteDear Poster,grey rock your husband don't react to anything he does to provoke you,the society will blame you,but for your peace of mind and personal development press the ignore button when he decides to act as a child,look for a job or anything that will bring in money to sustain yourself and your child in case he complains one day your too quiet and your ignoring him,just plan for the day u will sleep outside with your baby,don't say I didn't warn u.
ReplyDeletePoster sorry for the slap or blow you got on your face. However, inasmuch as I don't condone violence in anyway, and violence is always excusable, I feel you could have handled things better before it became physical. Proverbs 17:14 says" Beginning a fight is like opening a floodgate; Before the quarrel breaks out, take your leave"
ReplyDeleteYou see this thing about Godliness, it is not the exclusivity of supposed Pastors or men of Men of God, but a requirement for all Christians. If you had heeded this counsel when the argument for bed space was becoming heated, instead of standing your ground, the situation may not have degenerated into violence. Eventually the same space and room you refused to leave, you did, albeit after being hit.
He has apologised like you said, over his actions although his subsequent actions has proven contrary, find a place in your heart to let go. Sit your husband down and have a heart to talk with him, do this in a respective manner, free of insults and accusations, and I believe you will win the man you married back. Be respectful, loving wife to your husband, and if these doesn't work before you can involve outsiders.
Poster, I am not justifying what ur husband did...
ReplyDeleteBut u sound very rude and uncouth
Very very rude!
DeleteI'm a woman, but I could feel the rudeness and insult in her words.
Anyway, you are both hot-headed. One person needs to be calm.
I'm hot-headed married to a calm man. He has earned my respect and I respect him a lot.
Does he respect you? 6:19
DeleteI see two stressed human partners handling the stress roughly. A young couple alone with their newborn can be a stressful situation. Possible lack of physical intimacy may be driving oga nuts, poster - young wife and mother is dealing with her own stress. I read the post and felt great sympathy for you both. The physical violence is the most unacceptable though. Yet, not a hopeless case. You see the man fighting his demons - na im walk out, na im come back in to apologise, na im lock doors, na im still come open the doors again....Poster, hurt and tired as you may be, ask the the Holy Spirit for help, and have a talk with your husband. Own up to your own shortcomings, ask what he truly wants - does he want you to go? If not, he should know the next time he raises his hand at you will be him ending the marriage. The malice is enough, prolonging it any further will be most unproductive. And after you do work this out(amen), shun malice and embrace wholesome communication even when not convenient, not pressing each other's buttons. You are stronger together, never against one another.
ReplyDeleteBecause in their minds it’s the woman’s responsibility to walk on egg shells in her home and make sure the husband’s emotions are stable so he won’t harm her. They do not recognize that it doesn’t matter, how many violent stories we read about involving meek and calm women, what was their flaw that they are now buried in the earth at the hands of the men in their lives. Which one of them would not say something to their own spouse if they just got the baby to sleep and he goes to disturb the child and wake them up. They would just smile and be happy the baby is up and crying again and say absolutely nothing. And if she had just been sweet smiling and nice he wouldn’t lock her out of the house. When a man start locking you out of the house whether he does it for 5 minutes or 5 hours it’s time to start looking somewhere safe to live. What is to be salvaged when a man locks you out of the home, that is a loud message not requiring words.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy that the poster said everything that led to the circumstance. Both of provoked each other, but he shouldn't have hit you. That's so wrong. I don't know how long your marriage is, but I suggest you report him to someone he respects. I wish you the best
ReplyDeleteDear poster. The worst thing you can do to yourself is to keep quiet about this slap. To ensure that it does not happen again, you must report him to his family, your family and an elder in the church. These three is a must.
ReplyDeleteYou may have forgiven him in your heart. But this is not about forgiveness. It is about your life. So that he will not try to touch you again. Ever.
Madam, I want to admonish you to kindly read proverbs 31.... Then you can dwell on verse 26.... "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.".... Meditate and pray on this, Satan wants to break your home, you should not have refused when your husband brought up the notion of prayer, it is a weapon of warfare expecially when the enemy is trying to cause problems.
ReplyDeleteThen does your husband have a mentor? A mentor he fears and listen to? If yes, he needs to be helped and counselled by this mentor.... Then you need a mentor too, an elderly woman just like the relationship between Naomi and Ruth.... The elderly woman must be experienced and has a successfully blessed marriage. God bless you.
Madam I am thinking your husband is angry cos you are not giving him good sex, the fight between you both is childish cos your husband is sex starved. If you give this man good head plus correct love making your husband will stop misbehaving.
ReplyDeleteYou also talk too much, you should respect your husband no matter who is wrong or right. Be careful what you say to your husband, why will you ask your husband to shut up Abi keep quite not like you are joking. You have mind to tell a man to shut up like he is your child, even your child you need to accord them some respect.
Not everything your husband says that you respond to him, avoid some argument so that Oga will not remove your teeth. You need to have a heart to heart discussion with your husband about how you feel and how you both can put romantic in your marriage.
That your husband is a pastor doesn’t mean he should have a life, your sex life must be top notch, you both need to talk to each other with respect, love and care. Remember that you correct in love and not the other way round.
They are pick mes.
ReplyDeleteGroomed from birth to think of nothing of themselves before men.
Infact they believe that the sand under a man's bathroom slippers is more worthy than them.
So don't be surprised by the way they think.
An empty, unused brain can offer nothing but hot flaccid, rank air.
You are dealing with a violent, narcissistic, hypocritical man hiding under Christianity.
ReplyDeleteFrom one blow, it will enter full scale beating and after beating you blue black he will still have the shameless audacity to ask you to pray.
Whether you chose to keep quiet or stay is your business. Neighbours are already laughing and mocking you lot behind your back as per fighti fighti couple.
But don't bring another child into this mess.
Poster.... People have said different things. I understand what it's like to be a new mother looking after a little baby and taking care of the home, cooking, cleaning... It is a LOT. From your narration up there, I can feel your tiredness. I spend many a night trying to get my baby to sleep and failing time after time while I cried inwardly because I had chores to get to and dinner to cook. My husband was much the same as yours. He was never supportive but instead, he was jealous of our young child. He would get angry and enraged whenever I asked for help with the baby so I learned how not to ask but it didn't stop his rage. I will say this. 1. Report the matter to a close family but don't let them confront him. 2. Try and have a talk with him. Apologise for insulting him if he felt insulted, BUT insist that you cannot bear such horrid disrespectful treatment from a man who is supposed to be your husband. Tell him he was wrong and 0that you feel he is not supportive. I suspect that he will attack you and get angry. Please don't lose it too. Just say your piece and leave it at that.
ReplyDeletePoster I don't know about you but if my husband hits me once, I will walk away.
ReplyDeleteIf my husband is verbally/emotionally abusive, I will walk away.
He can also walk away if I do the same to him.
That's not an expression of love.