SHATTERED
Good day Stella, I am a single mother of one and my son's father is late.I got into another relationship with somebody, though it was a long distance relationship, we still managed to handle things. Immediately we met, I told him I had a child and he still went ahead to ask me out.
For the first one year, he was assisting financially without me asking. He took my son as his and they usually talk on the phone too. He practically knows everything about me including my finances. I also helped him out financially once in a while while he did same too. He was everything I needed in a man. We talked about marriage and our future.
In the course of the 4 years, we would break up sometimes and reconcile. During one of our breakups, an old friend of mine who is an American and lives in the US, asked me to marry him without even dating. This friend of mine is also a single dad.
In the course of the 4 years, we would break up sometimes and reconcile. During one of our breakups, an old friend of mine who is an American and lives in the US, asked me to marry him without even dating. This friend of mine is also a single dad.
I told him I still love my boyfriend and was not ready to marry who I wasn't in love with. He told me love will grow. He was ready to come and marry me and take my son and I with him to America.
I sought counsel from people and they all advised me to think of the future of my son and marry the guy. They all told me love will grow. To be honest, I hustle a lot to take care of myself and my child so I understand why people advised that I marry him.
My friend later married someone else and stopped all form of communication with me which I understand.
My boyfriend and I later got back together until late last year when I noticed that he had changed, but I was making excuses in my head for him, though we still talked like people in a relationship. This month, I was talking about how drained I am because of my son's school fees and also money for my father's burial, he told me he would assist financially and gave me a time frame which was first week of February. Last Friday, I asked him how far the money he promised, he told me he forgot I needed money. First of all, I was shocked, then I decided to tell him to lend me the money and he said he was broke. I was really heartbroken and I asked him if he still loves me, he told me he needed space.
My boyfriend and I later got back together until late last year when I noticed that he had changed, but I was making excuses in my head for him, though we still talked like people in a relationship. This month, I was talking about how drained I am because of my son's school fees and also money for my father's burial, he told me he would assist financially and gave me a time frame which was first week of February. Last Friday, I asked him how far the money he promised, he told me he forgot I needed money. First of all, I was shocked, then I decided to tell him to lend me the money and he said he was broke. I was really heartbroken and I asked him if he still loves me, he told me he needed space.
Immediately, I felt like I had a huge lump in my chest. I am exhausted and speechless. I am deeply regretting my choice right now. I can't even tell anyone what I'm going through. I've only said few words since yesterday till today. This is my only medium to say what's on my mind because I can't keep it in. I am shattered right now...
You see yourself?ou took a risk to stay with someone you are not sure of...He has started dating someone else and wants you to be the one that will break up with him...He knows exactly what he is doing...
Please move on, he wont marry you at all..
Call that friend and apologise and ask him if he has any friend that wants to settle down, you might be lucky...
Pele ooooh.
Bunch that guy and move on. Make sure you never let him back into your life.
ReplyDeleteYou people should be very careful with how you always assume any man from abroad is God's will or a good prospect. This same abroad that the men find it hard to buy a woman even coffee. Anything they give or spend on you, is an investment, they plan to recover the money in multiple folds.
DeleteI find it suspicious that an American would choose to marry you and cater for another man's child without even dating the mother. Many guys abroad are very depraved and lots of them are child molesters; be careful so you don't destroy your child while thinking you are securing his future.
As a woman you have no business being in love with a man before marriage. Love is the place of a man.
ReplyDeleteWhen A man treats you well, honors and respects you, even provides, love comes naturally. Except in very rare cases where the woman is suffering from effects of childhood trauma or village people that she would be unable to really receive and reciprocate such love.
I’m not an advocate of this but I would have married that American guy even if it’s just because of the future of my son. In this bad economy? You know his father is late, why gamble an opportunity? Chai
Deleteposter maybe God has a better plan for you sha but please even if that time waster should come again do not take him back. Imagine keeping a single mother for 4yrs poster you sef I’m struggling not to blame you.
Fan Emmanuel
Please I really want to understand something. What does it really mean when a woman says she’s in love with a man?
ReplyDeleteSame here o. What does that mean really?
DeleteThis kind of Relationship chronicles full everywhere.
ReplyDeleteExactly!
DeleteDear poster, I'm really sorry for what you are going through and I'm giving you a big e-hug.
I want you to understand that you didn't do anything wrong. You loved and trusted him and it's him that should be ashamed.
Can you ignore him and try to move on please? You will be fine. Focus on your son my love. If he was meant to be, he won't do you dirty like this. You will be fine.
U choose someone that was in a relationship with u for 4years and didn't marry u, u took a really risky decision that u have to live with and move on..
ReplyDeleteI dont think she chose really
DeleteI think other dude stopped speaking with her and married someone else
She didn’t say she had closed the door on him
16.09, the American dude probably got tired of waiting and asking, which is what this poster should have been after 4 years. Instead she chose to keep waiting.
DeletePoster, it’s hard but move on. Another man will surely come.
I pray that God blesses the works of your hands so that you can take good care of your child and also make an unbiased decision when new guys start coming.
So sorry about your predicament,you have to get yourself together and move on. During the break-up,he must have met,someone he cares for,more than you. God will bring you a better man.🤗🤗
ReplyDeleteSomeone that’s not financially demanding like poster. Oga got tired.
Delete17:04
DeleteLol.
May not be so.
Any such woman may even be more demanding.
But other factors may have been considered.
For example, the on and off of the relationship can wear some men.
The ways of MAN are complex to fathom
There is no need to feel heartbroken. Look at the brighter side of things God just removed rubbish out of the way. Cry if you must but get up and move on, you have a CHILD to live for. Dooh
ReplyDeleteMadam, sorry. Where is your son's father's family? Why don't you go to them to ask for help to raise your son, especially if he bears their name?
ReplyDeleteThat your boyfriend no be am at all.
When the Americana was asking for your hand in marriage, you should have told your boyfriend and read him the riot act,
Marry me or scram!
But honestly, you should have married Americana.
"Madam, sorry. Where is your son's father's family? Why don't you go to them to ask for help to raise your son, especially if he bears their name?"
DeleteGood Question!
Americana may not be all that, marry sharp sharp men are a large red card
DeleteYou stayed back because you loved your recent ex and you loved him because he was lovable at the time, he was consistent and everything you wanted in a man. You felt secure with him enough to let other men go. He had your heart, so what were you supposed to do?
ReplyDeleteYou didn't do him a favour by staying back with him so I won't praise you for being a loyal partner nor castigate you for letting that other man slip away. You did what you felt was right for you at the time so whatever outcome you get later on shouldn't phase you. Mind you, Relying on the future outcome of a present decision to justify or assess whether the decision you made was right or wrong is a wrong way to live.
Besides, it is a good thing you didn't get to marry the other guy because he would have been in a loveless marriage and you would continue to pine over your recent ex thinking of "what ifs" while comparing their qualities and flaws.
You did not lose anything that was yours to begin with. None of them were yours else they won't slip away. So don't feel bad.
You will be fine in the end.
Words on Marble.
This 💯. Real words on marble.
DeleteAlso poster, please stop letting your kids see or know who you’re dating until you’re sure it’s long term. It will mess with their psyche
I totally agree with you, none were for her. The Americana to me would have been worse. Living with Someone you don't even love.
DeleteWords on marble, Thank you for these soothing words to the poster. Something like this happened to me only that I wasn't a single mother, regret and bad mind wanted to eat me up alive.
DeleteRepeat to yourself poster "I did not lose anything that was mine to begin with". Repeat it over and over again. You did what you felt was best for you at the time, you were not foolish. Don't let regret eat you like it did to me.
I'm married to a great man now, I know God will come through for you and give you your hearts desires.
Gbam @words on marble
Delete💯👌@words on marble
Delete@anon 15:37, this scenario you just painted up here is the simple truth, I had same revelation as I was reading through. Poster please move on, none of those men would have been good for you. The good one is right beside you, and he will soon show up.
DeleteStella oo. This your line...ask him if he has a friend that wants to settle down, oh boy.
ReplyDeletePoster, please move on. He obviously is no more into you. You will meet someone else in the future as long as you keep your joy and don't let this pull you down.
"ask him if he has a friend that wants to settle down, oh boy."
DeleteMan wey she reject go recommend am to his friend?
Well, some men can do it. We have read here from that woman who did it. But we also read how the recommended woman treated her.
Poster, marriage is not a poverty alleviation scheme. I understand that with your son, you will need some support every now and again. Don't feel bad about the person you rejected his proposal. Being in a loveless relationship, let alone marriage serves no respite.
ReplyDeleteTalk about love will grow later, might be true for some people, but for others, if e did'nt dey, e did'nt dey.
Life has dealt you a card. Its time you removed your mind completely from man(woman) for support. Look within yourself, you can generate what you need to survive.
Thankfully you have only one child-its not going to be rosy from the start, but you will survive.
Yes, you also have emotional needs, but be careful to not allow it to make you vulnerable to men who might want to take advantage of your situation.
Above all, embrace God, it's not about being religious or churchy. Get to know God personally. Only him can fill the void in you and help you navigate through life.
Cheers, you'll be fine.
Girl you really slacked! You left an available man for an unavailable one because of love ? Now see your life ? He’s got a new babe , keep it moving already . Now you’ve learnt , albeit the hard way .
ReplyDeleteLove is nothing? Even if it is said it is not enough in marriage, it is nothing?
DeleteBy the way, is it everybody in USA that is living the good life beyond State support? Or she should have used him as conveyor to USA alone?
Laugh out loud to call that your friend and ask him if he has a friend that want to settle down 😂😂
ReplyDelete😂 Stella this your advice sounds funny, but it seems as if it is the solution to the issue.
ReplyDeletePoster, maybe you can follow Stella's advice.
Using of the man?
DeleteIs this not why some tag women manipulative and selfish?
🤣🤣🤣🤣love has loved you Pele move to the next person,next person pls.
ReplyDeleteYou had the mind to choose love over money? Sorry my dear
ReplyDeleteThe way some of you deceive yourselves ehn,. It's only people that don't know what you ladies are capable of that'll chop this bread..
ReplyDeleteSo because you didn't go and marry the American man, then he must marry you when he is seeing red flags?
Did he force you no to marry the guy? Of course, you choose to be with him for your selfish reason if not you for don dake excuse and port like how must of you do..
Do you know how many ladies he has also turned down their proposal because of you?
I don't know if you think we guys don't get approached too or you think we don't stylishly turn down some proposal just to stay faithful of not to break a babe's heart..
Person wey even accept your son as his.. up to the point of paying your son's fees,. You want to now make it look like he was taking you for granted..
Tell us the reasons for all the break ups..
Their lies the answer you don't want to see..
So he should still go ahead to marry you do that tomorrow the same thing that is causing the everyday breakup would cause divorce..
Don't take your L in peace and learn from your mistakes,.
Be there looking for people that will support you in on your self destruct journey
Well said. Your comment and that of Words on Marble cover the ground.
DeleteOne track reasoner
DeleteNone of them are good for you
ReplyDeleteBut if you don’t let go of “missing” marrying Americans you won’t see what’s in front of You
Free your mind and meet someone else
Poster, you are drained not because of the relationship If I may say . You are drained because of your child's school fees and your dad's burial arrangement.
ReplyDeleteWhy you think your boyfriend doesn't love you anymore is because he promised to assist you and later came up with excuses. If not for this issue I'm sure you won't be regretting or doubting his love.
People adviced you to marry your US boyfriend because he promised to take you to US why you want to break up with your former boyfriend. Now you feel shattered because he said that you should give him space.
Poster you are in a confused state right now, you need the same space to think things out.
God will bring another man, more responsible than your way. But it's painful.
ReplyDeleteIf you had left him too that time.people would have judged you including him(your now ex)the would have said you saw Americana ran,u are a golddigger,u are this and that.some so call "kings" will call him simp.we would have called you many names.but now u believed in love and now this?😏,is well
ReplyDeleteHey! It’s ok nobody did anything wrong. Your boyfriend might have left because of the competition from the other guy. Maybe, he feels that he wouldn’t be able to offer you comfort like the other guy and it might lead to future problems in your relationship or marriage(if you ever get married).
ReplyDeleteTell the U.S guy that you’re sorry things didn’t work out. He reached out at the wrong time because you were in a relationship at that time and it would have been unfair to your boyfriend at that time because you cared a lot about him. And you haven’t spoken in a long time so it was difficult to process everything because it was happening fast.Don’t ask about any friend. You can ask him if he can loan you some money towards the funeral and you will pay back in installments.
Don’t be to hard on yourself because you don’t know how life would’ve turned out with the U.S guy if you had said, yes immediately.
Take it easy, things will work out for themselves
how can you be in a relationship with someone for over one year and still be hoping he will marry you? Once you are in a relationship with someone for up to one year and no marriage plan on ground or the person is still breaking up and down with you, just share goodness in fellowship with that person and face front.
ReplyDeleteYou saw a man who was ready to marry you but prefer the one who was not ready to settle down with you. All you should have done was to have a heart to heart conversation with your bf, ask him questions about the future and from his response you can move on or stay with him. There is a way you will have conversation with someone that will give you all the answers and you can make your decisions.
You should have given your friend some time and see, that love would have grow little even if is not up to 80% but you took a decision on your own and did not consider the future. Just brace up from the reality of life. This guy will not marry you, he has someone he want to marry, is time to tell yourself the truth and move on. God will provide a better man for you to take good care of you, from today just avoid that time waster for life.
What makes a woman to forego a USA based man for a Nigerian based man is more than what a third party can trivialise or understand. She saw the two men and chose. She chose right as there was no regrets until urgently needed money issues came up.
DeleteHindsight is always perfect. Who knows what would have happened if she married Americana. Can any one of us say with certainty how it would be by now?
Love hurts. Love is pain.
DeleteHe loves you, but he is not yet capable of caring for you and your son. Everything about you appears to be about money, and he is struggling to keep up with the latest demands. Look for someone with money you can love and who will not alter even when the demands are enormous. All the best.
ReplyDeletePoster learn your lesson and move on. Life is too hard and short to stay regretting over a spilt milk
ReplyDeleteLove is never enough
ReplyDeleteAlways think of others in your decisions
You're a selfish mothers period
Stop it! She is not a selfish mother. Did you not read that her boyfriend was also taking care of her son and took him as his own? You hear USA and you forget all reasoning. Do you know how things would have gone with the US man.
DeletePoster, ignore people like this. Nobody has a crystal ball to know if things would have worked out with American man anyway. You did what was best for you and your son at the time.
Mtschewww
ReplyDeleteGifty
I see a guy that really loves you but he is so overwhelmed with your demands.
ReplyDeleteJudges park,poster shecwas also helping him out financially as well,pls go back and read.
DeleteThey were both helping each other financially which is normal in a healthy relationship.
ReplyDeleteAnd there is no big deal in accepting her son because you can't live a woman and reject her child, so it's not a big deal.
It's just that he has probably met someone else and doesn't want the poster again.
So poster, put your trust in God that sees the end from the beginning.
So sorry for what you're going through poster. At some point, we have to think with our Brains and not our hearts. I wish you well
ReplyDeleteExactly
DeletePoster you did no wrong. I was once in your shoe , I abandoned my dream to study health care in London many years ago because of my kids, because I do not want them to suffer while am away ( I was a single mother then) I thought is better for me to give my kids father figure in their life.( Wrong choice) I regrets it till now , I should have taken the bold step for me and my kids , may be things would have been better for us , but I still thank God for everything.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, I know how you feel, especially if you were looking up to someone in a time of urgent need and instead got served breakfast. BUT THIS TOO WILL PASS....can you hear that. Take it one day at a time, do the ones you can do and leave the rest to God. Above all, put up a positive attitude and hope for a better future. I assure you, love will find you again. And when it does, please allow your head tell your heart what to do instead of the opposite. Lots of love
ReplyDeleteTalatu