INEXPERIENCED NARRATOR
Good day Stella, Please, I need advice.
I am a 300 level student of a Federal University and I am in my early twenties. It's just my mum that has been supporting me and my siblings since my Dad left us about 5 years ago. Things have been tough. I get ushering gigs once in a while just to reduce asking my mum for money.
A few months ago, I met a guy who is an amazing person, but I have zero attraction for him. He is really wealthy. We became friends and when he asked me out I immediately turned him down, because I don't want to date anyone in my current state. I would like to focus on school, do business or get a Job and support my mother to an extent before thinking of a relationship. I know it's not a man's duty to take care of my mother and she has struggled too much for me not to do right by her. Apart from that, I only like him as a friend.
Now the major issue I have with this person is this: ever since I said I am not interested, he has been showering me with money. At first I thought it was a one off thing, but once he finds out I want to do something, he sends me money. Huge amounts. I have never asked for money. And nothing physical has happened. In all honesty it has really helped my life. But I am getting uncomfortable. Even after this I told him clearly that I am not interested in a relationship.
A few months ago, I met a guy who is an amazing person, but I have zero attraction for him. He is really wealthy. We became friends and when he asked me out I immediately turned him down, because I don't want to date anyone in my current state. I would like to focus on school, do business or get a Job and support my mother to an extent before thinking of a relationship. I know it's not a man's duty to take care of my mother and she has struggled too much for me not to do right by her. Apart from that, I only like him as a friend.
Now the major issue I have with this person is this: ever since I said I am not interested, he has been showering me with money. At first I thought it was a one off thing, but once he finds out I want to do something, he sends me money. Huge amounts. I have never asked for money. And nothing physical has happened. In all honesty it has really helped my life. But I am getting uncomfortable. Even after this I told him clearly that I am not interested in a relationship.
Should I sit back and keep receiving this help? Please I am not experienced in relationships as I haven't had one before. He keeps saying he likes helping people and even in my presence he has sent money to someone that called for help.
At this age you have never had a relationship? Ah ah I am shocked!!...Why dont you date him and use this as an experience to learn? Or you want to be naive like this and get married?....Sometimes likeness develops as time goes on and this one is already looking out for you and helping you with what you need...Not say sleep with him but date him to have emotional experience....
Would you rather be with a man who is stingy and still wants you? Trust me that you dont want that....
Dont let good opportunity pass you by then later you will start doing church member cos no one is toating you.
You’ve never asked him for anything
ReplyDeleteSo how did he get your account number?
Dey play.
Keep collecting o inugo.
Thank you @Anon 15:10.
DeleteIs that envy I hear in your ‘voice’? So nobody has ever asked for your account number to dash you something without you asking for it? Nawa for una.
DeleteMy daughters will NEVER collect money from any man. Na the way I take train dem. I teach dem contentment.
DeletePoster dont listen to this! Stella for the first time i disagree with your advice! @ Poster the guy is only now performing the true purpose he was sent to your life! I am happy you have made your feelings towards him known and your didn't sway and soiled the relationship. That man is your destiny helper! The moment you sleep with him or attempt to date him everything would go bad! Just keep thanking God for him and pray God to send him his life partner!
DeleteWhat do women really want?
ReplyDeleteWhether he is generous or stingy they will complain. Desperate or not for sex, the will complain.
Poster, a lot of girls will wish they are in your shoes.
Do whatever your want.
Poster you do not like him and don't want to date him, best bet is to stop collecting stuff from him
DeleteThat he is a cheerful giver shouldn't be your concern, he is paying you that much attention because he is hoping to date or even bed you, and you know that in your heart of hearts.
Since you don't want either, be firm about your decision and stop collecting money and gifts from him.
Poster if he wants to marry you, let him go see trusted family members that will investigate him, dont ever sleep with him unless you're married because devil is always on the look out to make good girls cry so be at alert and pray fervently for him to leave you alone if he has any bad motives. You dont need any negative emotional experience or else it may make you become hardened or depressed, just watch good movies, read books, learn from other people's experiences as HIV and co have no cure and abortion is a very evil thing, so be careful, I mean very careful. Also make sure he isnt married or into a bad business. Be careful dear.
DeleteYou know why he is sending you those monies..
ReplyDeleteHe has already confessed his feelings to you..
Since you didn't agree to his words, he is trying to come through the other route cos setting traps for you people with money works 90 percent of the time..
Trust me, even if he gets the pvssy as a firm of gratitude to his help or whatever, he'll still think he used his money to buy it,. Men don't forget the first rejection like most of you ladies think,
This is why sometimes to go any length just to have you after and then dump you.. call it ego trip if you like..
2 things to do in my opinion:
1. Tell him you are not comfortable with him sending you money, he isn't your father, brother etc don't deceive yourself that he is a friend, goat and lion no dey do friendship, moreover, he has already disclosed what he wants initially..
2. If he insists on still sending you funds, tell him he needs to write it out plainly, either on a message and send to your email or on a paper and sign, that he is only helping you out as a form of goodwill and not in expectations on anything else..
If he agrees fine.
If you later develop feelings for him and want a relationship, then you can nullify the agreement and put him on notice.. he wouldn't think it was his money that worked then, and he'll treat you with respect unlike how he might have treated you like an ahewo initially..
If he agrees to spend on you without any strings attached, make sure you find a way to also be of value to him.. value doesn't have to be sex.. cooking, cleaning gifting something tangible etc etc.. this is how you earn respect from a man.. no be to dey collect only but can't give anything
This is the only reasonable comment I have ever read from you. No insult from beginning to end. That’s a lot of growth. Keep it up.
DeleteDante, long time to read!
DeleteThe man got her account number from benevolent spirits who also tell him when she is in need of cash.
Your No. 2 is laughs evoking. How many single women in real need or who want to live higher than their income can do that in this Nigeria.
She knows the answer she wants to hear here - chop his money and clean mouth; after all you did not ask him to send you money.
Faux inexperience.
Thanks for sharing this info.
DeleteTo add to this, he can also send the help directly to the 'need', and not to you. Be firm on your stand and be wise as well.
Delete@yvonne
DeleteMaybe you should also take your advice as I'm yet to read any reasonable comment from you.
Let the growth go round. Don't remain stagnant
Dante on growth and transformation mission with reasonable comments🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Delete17:02 is just a nasty person.
DeleteDante, I didn't know you can give this excellent advice. Poster, take this advice.
Delete19:29,
DeleteWas the words @17:02 nearer to you than intended?
Tax collector don't worry you will soon pay back that money! Dey play!
ReplyDeleteShe says she is inexperienced. As a grown woman way way over early twenties, instead of you to advise her, you are mocking.
DeleteI disagree with your comment. Early twenties is young and even if it isn't, telling someone to date a person they are not interested in to "gain experience" is not proper. One can it force likeness if it's not there.
ReplyDelete. Poster is not naive, in fact she is wise for knowing what she wants and making a decision by herself.
Poster, follow your instincts. Read "The Gift of Fear", it shows us how women often having unsettling feelings towards men but they bury those feelings and the men end up being dangerous. Trust your instincts and if they are warning you to stay clear if the man, do so and cut all ties. The right person for you will come when the time is right.
You should confirm his source of money, hope he is not a yahoo guy or money ritual before your private parts will disappear. You should try to know this person you call your friend, do not open legs oh, just be a little bit open with him. Remember do not trust anyone at all cos the heart of a man is desperately wicked.
ReplyDeleteYou can also take him to see your mum and know what her reaction will be with him, she may see the things you cannot see with your young eyes. Please close your legs and pretend to be a manmaid.
Remember that girl unlifed by her runaway lover?
DeleteHer mother was the regular mediator of their fights.
Why did she allow her daughter stay on with such man in a ship of knives fights?
Some mothers (and for balancing, fathers) are worse than their children in greed.
And it has been so since before "419" became a word in international vocabulary.
The Poster knows what she is doing.
Her mother already knows where Poster is getting the money from.
This Poster now collecting money being given as down payment for "roasted corn". Would she not be a mother tomorrow?
If she gets away with not selling the roasted corn, would she advise her daughter to not do what she is doing now?
You don't like him;then don't "like his money" too..
ReplyDeleteYou are saying "No" yet still receiving his money when you already know he has interest in you?
He knows since his physique or maybe character isn't working to get you;then his money has to WORK for him,so he is using it as a tool to clear his path;hoping that one day he can buy your love with it.its that simple!
So if you know you have no atom of love for him and don't see yourself marrying him;don't tell him any problem,stories or situation that would make him feel emotional or pity;and then he sends you money.
And if he sends using his beneficiary list,ask for his account boldly and refund.
and Not you saying NO to him for a relationship,but saying YES to his Money.thats the trait of a user and if you as a woman have that dignity for yourself;say NO and mean it,to avoid a situation where he would feel entitled to your love or body in future because of money invested.
@MARTINS
Exactly!
DeletePoster please follow this advice, you can't eat your cake and have it, don't be a user. I know the temptation of being in need and seeing someone ready to shoulder your responsibility is very high, but do the honourable thing,let your no be firm enough to including turning down his financial assistance and gift ,that is if you are very sure you don't want to have any thing to do with him
DeleteThis is dicey. How old is this person? Please ask him again what his intentions are. Does he really want to help you? Will he want something in return?
ReplyDeleteYou have to watch and pray very well. Tell him to give you time and see what his reactions would be. Please don't let him take advantage of you.
Kudos for staying away from relationships. Your plan is valid and I did same with no regrets. Continue to FOCUS on school to avoid distractions, extra year, poor grades, panicking over delayed period etc. You don't need any experience dating. You are in a federal university and if you live on campus, you will learn from your roommates, friends, hostel mates experiences etc. By the time you see girls crying and smashing their phones over boyfriend matter, searching for their period with torchlight, crying themselves to sleep etc. you will know that you are wise to stay away from dating.
ReplyDeleteAs for the "gifts", awoof dey run belle. He may be trying to influence you via the gifts. Stop collecting the monetary gifts from him and don't spend it if he keeps sending. If you get used to his gifts, your spending habit will change and you may find yourself depending on him or even calling him for help when you are broke. Text him to stop gifting you so you'll have evidence in case he decides to claim that you "chopped" his money and refused to reciprocate. All the best.
Have a sit down with him and find out what his intentions really are. If he wants platonic or something serious. That will help you on your next step and also drum it down what your own intentions are so both of you are on the same page. Before kings will say you are A****O and user.
ReplyDeleteCan we now agree it's best when a lady lov3s the guy more ? Yes
ReplyDeleteI pity the poor man spending money.
Guys have no business wooing a lady after you have made your points known to her and she says no.bounce.
The lady should be the one to admire you..love you and look up to you..if a lady hardly loves you as a guy please bounce.forget that narratuve that the guy must love the lady.na lie.na lady suppose show interest and love for a guy pass.
Poor man be wasting his money he should have used to do better things for himself and improve his life further on an ungrateful lady that have shown him her mind.
Can we now agree it's best when a lady lov3s the guy more ? Yes
ReplyDeleteI pity the poor man spending money.
Guys have no business wooing a lady after you have made your points known to her and she says no.bounce.
The lady should be the one to admire you..love you and look up to you..if a lady hardly loves you as a guy please bounce.forget that narratuve that the guy must love the lady.na lie.na lady suppose show interest and love for a guy pass.
Poor man be wasting his money he should have used to do better things for himself and improve his life further on an ungrateful lady that have shown him her mind.
You are a manipulative person.
DeleteAttraction can trigger emotions but it cannot sustain it. Character over a long period is more important than attraction. Go on dates with him and stidy his character. Better if you seek God for direction.
ReplyDeleteDon't collect money , if you don't want to date him and moreover why not finish school first since you knew what your mum has suffered and been a novice in relationship ,fear of pregnancy;
ReplyDeletePls watch out,pray ohhh,don't be a piece of sacrifice,don't let people use your glory ohh,pls pls be prayerful, some men are highly spiritual and sees fresh virgins they want to use to renew their wealth, the world is wicked. Draw closer to God,accept Jesus and let Him direct your steps towards relationships. Focus on your goals biko
ReplyDeleteYou might be lucky you find your prince or a yahoo guy out to eat and clean mouth
ReplyDeleteI will advice you stop letting him know whenever you need things, since that's when he always send you money.
ReplyDeleteSince you don't want to date him, Just ask him to stop sending you cash, that it won't move you or change your feelings towards him, as in stand your ground and say it to his face, Babe if the guy refuses to stop sending you money, My dear it's your luck, collect the money and establish a side business for yourself, When he's tired, body go tell am.
ReplyDeleteI have never come across a man who was doing anything for a young woman solely out of the kindness of his heart. I am not saying it doesn’t happen just that I have never experienced it or witnessed it. If this man is being 100% altruistic then God really loves you and has sent you an helper. So continue to be his friend, if he is older ask him for guidance on life events and even though you do not have it there are things you can do to show your appreciation, giving him a basket of fruits in season or anything else you can access on your level. Even praying for him in his presence holding hands. Some of these wealthy ppl do not have one person in their life to say a prayer for them, so even prayer is valuable for them.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if he is doing this to get your favour enough to enter into a relationship with him you will have to stop accepting those money gifts right away. The last thing you want is him to create some narrative how he put you through school and helped you and your mother and then you got married to someone else. While you have no power over his mind, please be clear in reality that you are platonic friends. Do not do dates, go on vacations and allow him to present you with jewelry and personal/sentimental items. Do not invite him to your home, cause if he comes your mother will feed him and he will feel like he has entered family level. Dress like a nun around him, let him have no misconception that you are trying to seduce him with your body or anything. Wear hijab if you need to. I pray he really is just a person with a kind heart.
Man wey start with "I want you" before his benevolence started. You very well know Part 2 of your comment is plain long story. The type that make some people do Yimmu. Hence all the advised precautions.
DeleteFunny, it is the Part 2 the Poster wants. How to eat the man's money without being held responsible for anything.
Money has blinded you?
ReplyDeleteBe careful
You and yesterday's housekeeper turned xes worker, obviously don't hold us in high regard!
ReplyDeleteDo you people think we're children??
How does this man know when you have upcoming projects that require money, if you don't mention it? You've never asked him for anything, yet, he miraculously got your bank account details?! 🙄🙄
If you were truly uncomfortable, you would have stopped telling him about your financial needs, after the first time he sent you money! Instead, you continued while feigning cluelessness!!
I hope for your mother's sake, that the money you've already collected, is truly from generosity ... and not attached to any asterisk.
Poster I hope the money is genuine? If he truly love you why not give him a chance?
ReplyDeleteAs a man I have trained my daughters NEVER to collect money from any man. They also do not accept "gifts". Contentment can be a protection.
ReplyDeleteDey play, do your best that’s all cos them go still collect give you inside even richer men picken dey collect how much more you! You can’t separate women and money. Just make sure it doesn’t control their ability to know right from wrong
DeleteHe's a kind person .if your instincts tell you not to date him, then please listen to it..but continue to be a good friend to him
ReplyDeleteFriends with someone that have another intentions?
Delete@ anon 20:10 you took the words from my mouth. Contentment is the key , is just unfortunate that most girls are very greedy and not reliable. No matter how you advised them they don't listen. .They believe that they must collect from men ( different men) .As a mother we can just do our best and leave the rest to God. .
ReplyDeleteI don’t know why naija “good” girls think they cannot focus on school and have a relationship. Girl! not having a relationship doesn’t make you a good girl. That’s why after all and sundry u graduate, get a job and begin to ask God why u r single.
ReplyDeleteI don't ask. He sends on his own. Don't come back tomorrow to claim victim. Dazzall.
ReplyDelete