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Friday, April 12, 2024

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Hmmm.....

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRZING ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE
This guy that wants to marry me, we have been close friends many years before he came now to propose. We won't be courting for long before marriage. 
Now we are talking about our ideologies, visions and other factors that should be considered before we kickstart the relationship proper. 

He asked me "what's your ideal man like?" but I told him I don't tell people what I expect from them. Just be yourself. If along the line I notice any deal breaker, I will end the relationship if it's something that cannot be worked on;After all, I am not catching feelings at this early stage. If I tell you what I expect from you, you may pretend throughout and I won't be able to see the real you and vice versa.
Character traits that people never noticed during courtship tends to spring up in marriage and the partner would be like, she/he has changed, I don't know what came over him/her , they were not like this when we first started blablabla.
 All those things were never there, they pretended because you gave them expo of what you expect from them that's why they had to pretend so they can fit-in to your standard.
Ok, now to the main part of the chronicle.
Our relationship is a Godly standard type. Please, advice me with wisdom I beg you people.
I know say na me look for this trouble.
I told him that we should follow the standard of the bible, men should do what is expected of them and women should respect and submit to their husbands just as it's advised in the bible. If we do these things, we won't be having issues in marriage. 
This guy that I know will be willing to do all that. But I have noticed a common phenomenon in some Christian homes. When their husbands wants to manipulate their wives they tend to use the scriptures to silence them . When you talk they'll say "the bible says, the wives should submit to their husbands" e.g , when you tell him that you are going somewhere tomorrow and he agrees, then tomorrow he starts giving you attitudes that will make you think you should not go. Some may even outrightly tell you that you shouldn't go with no tangible reason even after permitting you earlier and that's a way of making you feel guilty because the bible says we should submit to our husbands.
He begged me to stop wearing trousers, makeup, and all the artificials. I know, his family church is deeper life. He later started attending Redeem and now he attends a new church. I have never seen him condemn those wearing trousers. Why is he now asking me to stop them?
When I told him that wearing of trouser is not a sin, he said "sorry o, not that I am condemning those wearing it. Just that I wouldn't like my wife to be wearing it "
My response " I know you still believe it's a sin, that's why you asked me to stop wearing it. Don't worry, when I am chanced we will discuss Deuteronomy 22vs 5 and other passages of the bible that proves that trouser is not a sin. And he said; so you can't do it for the sake of your husband?"

Bvs, if you have any good advice for me please bring it on. I can't stop wearing trousers. Wearing make-up is not my problem as I have been going natural for a long time now; but still, makeup is not a sin. I even intend doing the natural hair style but that won't stop me from putting on artificial hair when it pleases me. That trouser is a no go area, I am a fashion designer for God's sake. I was intentional about learning this craft. I must slay. Wetin you wan tell me. Abeg o. Funny thing is that I even sew male clothings perfectly. He has not asked me to stop sewing for men but with the way I am seeing it. He may ask me to stop sewing for the men. Or his family may even frown at it. I love what I do. I can't cheat on him with my male customers, no way.
I know what to say about the trouser issues but if you have more points please bring it on so I will bench him hands down in the debate on trousers and makeup

Na wah, I dont even know what to say in this matter.Let me sit back and read others advice

64 comments:

  1. Na wa ooo. He never marry you, and he is already telling you to stop wearing trousers, and make up. ๐Ÿ™„. I do not see that as a sin. Wearing skirts, and not having make up on, does not make you holy. The heart is what matters, and the commitment and communucation you have with God.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You both have different interpretations of the Bible and this could lead to compatibility issues. Don’t debate, sit and discuss these issues then pray for guidance as to whether to continue or to part ways.

      Delete
    2. Marriage has not started, you have received term's and conditions,is it by force?

      Delete
    3. Well my sister, in January this year I ended a relationship and for same reasons as the above.

      This is someone who knew me, I love fashion to the max. He started I do not like make-ups, natural hairs are best no weavons, plaiting corn rows, I pierced my nose that too is a no no, my lashes has to go, nails nkor u no like.

      So, I asked him. You have known me over a decade and not one time have I been different. U met me doing it and u want me to give it all up to wear a new identity for u.

      Make I no lie, I loved him but u see those things they are me. I felt like he was trying to erase my identity and these are huge changes.

      I asked him what then was the attraction? Why did u come back after all these years looking for me? Did u not see natural ladies? To me it means I am not ur spec and I will want u to go look for what you like.

      If I change all these things what would he be changing for me. Besides he had giant red flags the size of a football pitch I was yet to discuss at the right time.

      Now, this is how I viewed his demands, I see such a person as trying to control me. U can remake me to suit ur ideal. I can't be fit into ur mould.

      Love should not be difficult, there is a person for everyone and I told him he is not mine cos doing what he has asked for will make me unhappy. I told him to leave and not look back.

      I am so proud of that decision cos sometimes the changes are limitless, u change one thing and they ask for the next until u lose ur self and become someone else.

      Truth is who are u? Is it worth loosing everything about u? I know there are certain adjustments one can make for the sake of love but erasing my identity is a no no.

      Sometimes it can be a sign of insecurity and of huge red flags.

      Delete
    4. Tiana, sisterhood is proud of you ๐Ÿ‘

      Poster, read her comment and decide on what you want. This life is too short to live it unhappily

      Delete
    5. Tiana everything you said is Yes and Amen!

      How can a man meet a woman and want to completely change her outward appearance? What did he now like in the first place. You are right that he wants to erase your identity, and it will not stop at that. Tomorrow it will be ‘I don’t like your friends’, I don’t like your family. You did the right thing

      Delete
  2. As for me I can't displease myself just to make others happy, in as much as I know within me that I am doing the right thing.. in this case I will advice you to follow anything your heart tells you to do..Good luck with it..

    ReplyDelete
  3. My own is... Must you marry this man?


    After you change and start looking haggard then you will see him with one young one looking prim and proper with nails, trouser and everything you were made to stop.


    I believe we can make adjustments for our partners. But, your look is a reflection of your personality. You dressung affects your esteem.

    Aunty, find someine else o. Tomorrow, you will never be wife who cannot submit to her husband yet he met you with all these things o

    Please. I ask again, must you marry him? You clearly feel better with your trousers and others. So why must you sacrifice your looks?


    Must it be him?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Anonymous. I no get strength to type...I go with this Anon's submission

      Delete
    2. Poster read this again and let it sink in. Be yourself. You like trouser. Wear it with your full chest. You are doing it with faith and conviction so it’s not sin to you. Marriage is not control. He’s doing it so that his parents will accept you. Has he accepted you the way you are?
      In marriage it’s very important to accept your partner for yourself. Anyway.look well before you leap. You are someone’s total package know that for sure. Don’t let someone who doesn’t see your value degrade you

      Zendaya

      Delete
  4. He's Controlling and you've made him understand the role you're to play in your home; the submissive wife. Why start something you can't finish. Yielding to his demands, that's submission na.

    Whatever you know you won't change in marriage make it crystal clear now, if e no go work let it be known before ona enter marriage to avoid a rocky marriage.

    Do enquiry prayer.

    Your Chronicle made me laugh sha. So, I'll meet a man now and he'll tell me not to wear trousers or do make up ahhhh. Wahala dey..

    ReplyDelete
  5. See leave this guy

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lol. I pity you. He sounds controlling and manipulating.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ok.
    The most complex B

    ReplyDelete
  8. If he's of a deeper life background, you no win anything hands down o. Their mindset and idea of those things he asked you to stop cannot be changed when already stood on

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then he should have gone for deeper life girl that believes in those things and has been living that way. Not meeting someone the way they are and then trying to change them.

      Poster don’t marry this man. I’ve been married over 10yrs n I can tell You won’t enjoy marriage with him.

      Delete
    2. He should go and marry deeper life girl

      Delete
  9. But wearing of trousers is even necessary for those with thighs that rub together. During monthly cycles some want to feel the security of trousers. There are practical reasons why a woman will wear trousers. I read an article that said the little girls who were sexually assaulted, they all wore dresses. Even for those with ill intentions, dresses and skirts provide easier access than trousers. Now I wonder if this is why dresses were always pushed on women to wear because they are easier to access by nasty minded men. My dear, if you give in now, then be prepared to give in for the rest of your life. Also ask yourself if this is the man you want to make children with and to father your children. You seem like a level headed and smart person so stay in your strength and use your wisdom and discernment. Trying to change someone to fit our version so we can be at comfort is a red flag.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You get time
    Here to read comments

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Firstly congratulations on your relationship, seems it's marriage bound one if you guys are compatible.
      When a man asks you a direct question " what is your ideal man" that's not the time to be modest and say nothing...it can be interpreted as false humility, he wanted to know your expectations of him. That was the golden moment to say you like men who will stand by your decision without making you into something else.
      2.You are already worried he might tell you to stop sewing, discuss your concerns now, he is very good at telling you his expectations, kindly return the favour. DON'T DEBATE IT, JUST SAY YOUR DREAM MAN ABEG.
      3.( "When their husbands wants to manipulate their wives they tend to use the scriptures to silence them . When you talk they'll say "the bible says") does he know God? Does he fear God?, if the answer to both is YES, then throw away your fears, just kneel, pray and trust God in this journey. Godly men are the sweetest to be with, their beliefs will not allow them to maltreat the wife(I married one๐Ÿ˜). If you really know deep within you that God is involved in this journey then ask the holy spirit to help you "slay" in a mature way. Sometimes what we call "fashion" will change once we get greater light and sometimes when we change our dress culture, some other doors open (of course some doors will close naturally). Don't look back years later and ask yourself if wearing trousers is that important.
      Our concept of fashion changes with age, body shape and life goals. Will this matter in the long term?
      4. I perceive the guy is a good person, study him to see if he's the type that uses scripture to be manipulative. Is he hardworking? Does he listen t/value your welfare? you said he even begged, meaning is not taking it as a right..
      IF HIS BAD QUALITIES OUTWEIGH THE GOOD, GIRL PLEASE BOUNCE.Trouser is not the issue here, what you are really asking us is, can I trust this man? Only God -your maker can answer that.
      PCX

      Delete
  11. But why doesn't he go for a woman who is what he wants. Why go for you then tell you to change ๐Ÿ˜ข

    ReplyDelete
  12. There are no rules to marriage. And I like to believe that as much as God's word should form the bedrock of every home, certain things aren't set in stone. Husbands love your wife, wife submit to your husband are pretty basic and should not be an issue to any right thinking person.

    But now OP, you and your fiance need to work together and agree together on everything for your intended home to work! That agreement and that oneness is the key thing. In marriage you give and you take. In my opinion, wearing trousers shouldn't be an issue. I think your man should overlook that. It will be a sign of maturity and open mindedness from him. These are key things you look out for in any man you want to marry.
    On the other hand, is your wearing trousers a deal breaker for him enough that either you or him would want to go as far as calling off your wedding? Somethings need to contrasted against what the eventual cost may be.

    If he is trading off in other areas(allowing you have your way), you can and should trade off here. In all though, your peace of mind should not suffer. That will be a major flag and you should not hesitate to call off the whole thing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Is it byforce to marry this guy ? ! You’re setting yourself up for a lifelong union of controlling behavior. Ordinary relationship and you’ve started seeing shege but of course you can’t notice it because you want to marry him.

    If you don’t leave that relationship and think about yourself eh? A man who says you can’t wear pants (trousers ) will add jeans , shorts and everything to it. Means you can’t even wear a well tailored suit, I mean how ?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Na so e dey start oh, before you now ,stop sewing for men and stop sewing a particular style for ladies ๐Ÿ˜

    ReplyDelete
  15. Poster you are on a very very long ride if you marry the guy. Don't start what you cannot finish.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Always know when to put a stop or set up boundaries that even spouses shouldn't cross..
    Before marriage I loved to wear short dresses, nothing too indecent. After I got married my husband asked me to short wearing short dresses, even quoted the dress how you want to be addressed. Keep in mind I never show cleavage, no matter how small, I hardly wear sleeveless dresses or tops, anything that would show my armpits.
    Anyways I stopped wearing the short dresses, shorts and all, but it didn't end there, whenever I manage to wear sleeves dresses, tight tops, like the cotton tight polos, he will start saying is it not too indecent for out door. This started rubbing off my some part of my identity, b3cause I do dress decently.
    So long as you know you are dressing in a decent manner do not allow any man make rules for you. Humans will always take advantage consously or unconsciously

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...but Sis you listened to your hubby and made the adjustments. In marriage you work as a team. There will be things you tell him to do that's uncomfortable but he has to make the adjustments too. Sometimes culture limits what one wears after marriage, there 're many clothes I no longer put on because my body changed and I don't look good in them anymore. When I was nursing my baby, it was easier to wear certain clothes and trust me slaying was the last thing on my mind.
      PCX

      Delete
  17. Lady T /worth more than a thousand dollars12 April 2024 at 16:08

    Dear poster, are you sure you two are ready???? Your idealogies are different. You will have a hard time. Pls reconsider. And what do you mean by you won't tell him what you hope to see??? Tomorrow he will tell you, you didn't say, so don't expect anything more or less than you see. You will fall for anything if you don't state what you desire.

    ReplyDelete
  18. My dear RUN. You are not married yet they have started controlling what you wear in the name of pleasing your husband. Very soon he will control how you talk, whom you talk to and everything else you do. Avoid religious fanatics. That's a specie you can never reason with. This is NOT the man for you. Even if you talk to him, he will pretend to change and after marriage he shall reveal his true colours. When people show you who they are, believe them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I beg to differ, their idealogy is "godly standard type" and they seem to agree on some things. You rightly picked up that the poster is shying away from stating what she desires in a man (probably from her past experience). We all have some characters that only long term close relationship like marriage will reveal, a lot of us women pretend too especially when they like the man. Every time we tell ladies "Run" then later we advise them to be patient God will bring their own man...PCX

      Delete
    2. 04:32, he is trying to change her to fit into his version of what a wife should be, he is wrong. It is a form of deception because he pursued her knowing full well she wore trousers. In truth, he should not have pursued her whatsoever. He is a manipulative and deceptive person.

      Some form of abuse starts out in the form of control tactics, like changing the way you dress, eat, style your hair etc. Now, because religion is wrapped up into the issue an abuser can use religion as the basis of the request without the victim being any the wiser, because it appears to be a simple request on the surface. If she does not want to run, she will have to slow down everything to allow for more time for him to show more of himself or for the spiritual world to talk to her.

      Delete
  19. Sweetheart let him go, Your Christian Man that sharea your values and beliefs and still manages to be fun๐Ÿ˜ is somewhere and soon too.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Simple and short, you're not compatible.
    Shikena.
    Find another partner.

    ReplyDelete
  21. All I see here are red flags. You should walk away at this point before it's too late.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Marriage is not an avenue to domineer your spouse with the Master/Servant thing in the name of looking for submission.

    A woman with common sense should respect her husband;and a man with common sense should know how to love his wife and not to cross his boundary when it comes to decision making;you both are to come together as one..

    I don't see anything wrong with make-up and trousers;and if you know you can't stop and he isn't willing to accept it now;end it and wait for a man that sees life from a perspective that is equal or close to yours.

    Marriage doesn't change anyone; whatever you are getting from the dating stage will multiply when you are married;so when someone you are dating is showing you who they are;don't make excuses for them;and either accept or reject them before marriage calls.

    You don't wake up one day and try to change someone's +ve lifestyle because you are getting married or married to them;and that is why you have the friendship,dating and courting stage,so you can vet and either continue to the marriage stage,or find your separate ways.

    So if both of you can't compromise on this and many more;you aren't compatible to be together cos your various lifestyle and outlook to life would clash when married.

    Submission and respect of a woman comes so easily to a loving husband without even being demanded or reminded.

    @MARTINS

    ReplyDelete
  23. Shey you will not continue start looking and praying for another man like this? This one you are already looking forward to starting a debate with him to convince him how trousers is not a sin.
    Nne ehn, I don't know o.

    ReplyDelete
  24. No man can stop me from wearing trousers and doing makeup, even if I marry daddy GO.

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is the beginning of his demands and commandments for his wife know this and know peace. After wedding u are done

    ReplyDelete
  26. This guy is asking for too much. no make up, no trouser. looking at your statement,you cant do without this things. i think not wearing trouser and make up is by revelation. my pastors wife stop wearing trousers because according to her God revealed to her to stop wearing it. those that brought christainity to us in african still put on this things and they have bible verses that back up their dressing. so sister,trouser and make up is not the main thing. the issue is if you really love this man to sacrifice somethings for him because love is all about sacrifice.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Don't even start with him cos you wont win with his type. Even if you give him scriptural references he will still follow up with that response ",cant you do it for your husband".. let him ho marry his spec!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ what a primitive man. The bible says "can two walk together except they agree" use your tongue to count your teeth.

    ReplyDelete
  29. That's his mentality.yes,he doesn't go to deeper life anymore but he grew up attending the church and his parents still go there.

    In deeper church a female isn't allowed to put on trousers or makeup.if she does, everyone will tag her a sinner (prostitute) who can never make heaven.thats what he's trying to portray.so his family and friends would see his wife as a good person rather than a sinner.

    I advise you make the decision now,either to stick to what pleases him or quit the relationship and move on to another who wouldn't complain much about your dressing.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Dear Poster, please don't marry this man because if you do, you will see shege promax in the marriage. Na so e dey take start ooo

    ReplyDelete
  31. pls know that marraige has its own sacrifice. check what you can forgoe and what you cant

    ReplyDelete
  32. If you can't submit to him in all things as the bible says there is no point in marrying him ,he knows his right and will insist on it,many people that quote the bible verses always leaves out the last phrase "Submit to your husband in all things"bible didn't say in some things ,so you will be wrong even before God if you have where you submit and where you won't submit to him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah! Mr Adegoke๐Ÿคฃ You are too harsh

      Delete
  33. Some are telling you that you will look haggard and he will start chasing after other women.. Have you seen Ngozi Okonjo Iweala look haggard in her anaka outfit? If you Wan submit, submit.. If you no want submit, face front.


    Dibia Arusi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Valid points made. Some women who may be ardent trousers wearers are even encouraging their daughters to dress like Madam Iweala at least for the ring light and camera.

      Delete
    2. Thank you. See former VP wife. Mrs. Osibanjo, Dr. Mrs Paul Eneche,, Musician Chioma Jesus, Mercy Chinwo, . Trouser or makeup does not make you stand out. Marry that guy if he makes you HAPPY

      Delete
    3. Abeg pls why would she want to look like that at this age

      Delete
    4. 20:43, I was thinking the same. Why would anyone compare a senior citizen style of dressing to a person in their 20s and is encouraging the young person to use the senior as an example of style. The things I read on this blog๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

      Delete
    5. Those people are matured o.

      Leave that aside sef. Their dressing I'd their CHOICE

      This one isn't. Why coerce someone into what they don't want.


      I'm not a trouser and makeup person, it's who i am. My sister is the opposite.

      Imagine getting me to be like her. People have talked and talked. But, I can't. Not that I'm have any problem with it o. It's just not my go to.


      Allow people dress the way they want. Fashion for me Is comfort.

      Delete
  34. I love this your guy already. He is telling you who he is before proposing to avoid you never told me in future. It is left for you to stay or walk away. What most of us don't understand is that we look more beautiful as women when fully covered. Trouser is not a sin but that does not mean you look more beautiful on trouser compared to someone with a good gown. A man that wants to cheat will definitely cheat. Remember Jay-Z cheated on beautiful, classy and rich Boyance. Love is the autimate. If you take care of your skin, you will glow and might not need make-up. A happy wife glows. A sad wife with all the makeup and skimpy trousers still does not look attractive. The question is.. Do you love this guy? Are you ready to spend the rest of your life with him?. If yes marry him. You are a tailor, you know your body type, make beautiful soul lifing gowns for yourself and watch customers rush you and your husband will also be proud of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell him that in the early days, the men wore long gown, no trousers. Trouser was an invention. Ask him, was trouser invented during that time? Tell him that God is love and we should always seek for wisdom, knowledge, mercy and practicalise love as children of God.
      Also, ask him, can he be able to take care of you, protect, cherish you after 10 children?

      Delete
    2. It's like you haven't seen proper dressing na why.

      Not these skinny jeans o. Trouser dressing. Take your time and google.


      Forget this cheating talk. You guys are not understanding.


      The emphasis here is that. The man wants her to give up trouser so as to be submissive. She on the other hand don't want to.


      Key word CHOICE

      A sad wife can wear skirts too abi

      Is Beyonce God? She's not the standard for Christian marriage or any marriage.


      Even one with their own Abeg

      Delete
  35. By the time you start looking haggard in oversized skirts, dry face, strong spongy hair, tying your ears with gele, wearing low heeled koi koi shoe, dry lips, with steong stony face, he will cheat on you with a slay mama.

    ReplyDelete
  36. You can Marry him as long as he’s not forcing you to change your dressing

    ReplyDelete
  37. @Poster: your concerns are valid Do you have a witness in your heart that the guy is God's will for you? Dress code and other social and spiritual alignments are secondary. Don't put the cart before the horse.

    I wish you all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Poster, the problem is that he is attracted to someone that looks like you now. If you change and he marries you, he might also unconsciously start getting attracted to the other girls with the same image of what he first saw in you e.g make up, etc.

    As someone with this conviction, he should only be attracted to deeper life girls and others that look like them.

    It's a redflag and worth thinking about!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Did he meet you meet you wearing trousers?
    Then why does he want you to stop.
    Let him meet those whose skirts flow past the river of galilee na.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Marriage is such a long time ooo. If you feel it's something you can't take, it's best you walk out.

    ReplyDelete

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