Dear Stella,
I have been one of your ardent readers since 2014.
Please I have a situation right now that I would like your BVs to share their experience with me.
I am a 35years old lady, single and looking forward to settling down at God's own time. I started a business last November that is now picking up gradually.
Recently I met someone on a dating app who is 40years old, from Benin(Edo state) and resides abroad. We talked for a few days on the app before we moved to whatsapp. The young man works and he visits home regularly, say every quarter, according to him.
From the day we started talking he began to express his interest in getting married. And just two days ago he asked me to marry him during our video chat. It felt too sudden to me but I told him that I can't give him a straight answer yet, I need to pray and also make a few consultations. By the way, I am Igbo from Anambra state.
In the course of our conversations regarding our beliefs, traditions and how to run the family, here are some of the issues raised that I am very concerned about and I need to hear other people's opinion and experience about the same.
1. As a new bride in the family, according to their tradition I would be welcomed by kneeling and crawling from their compound gate to the house, then the elders would wash my legs with FANTA to welcome me and I would serve them food. Afterwards, I would be taken to the inner chamber of their house where I will take an oath before this ROD(represents something in their family) to never cheat on their son as long as I am married to him, if I ever do, I will die instantly. If i try to kill him via any means it would be revealed to him and that deity will always give him justice. Whenever he says these things I see him being so proud of it. He says that no one divorces in their family and they do not accept returned bride price. Now, I am a Christian and a real one, I feel like this is me giving myself over to an idol. I strongly believe in the traditional and church wedding and the exchange of vows should be enough. He is a Christian too but I guess his faith isn't deep because he says that everyone married into his family does this thing, pastors, deacons name it.
2. He plans to fully relocate back to Nigeria in the next 5years, however, he intends to make a major investment in his state which according to him, he wants me to oversee while he visits from time to time. what this means is that I will relocate from my current base to his state. First, I am of the opinion that we should live together after our wedding, especially the first 5years. I gave him the options of moving fully back to Nigeria immediately after our wedding or relocating me to his base and whenever he is ready to move back we will do so together. I don't want to be left alone in another state where I know no one and venturing into a business that I have no idea of how to run. what about my own business? what about bonding with him? and trying to conceive as my reproductive window is thinning out.
3. Finally, He said that I MUST be the one to do his laundries. Not a dry cleaner, house keeper, nor him but ME. There will be washing machine, however, I will do the ironing. I am unhappy that he is mandating me to do his laundries, I don't do my own laundry right now as a single lady, I have a washwoman who comes in every two weeks to do it. Don't get me wrong, it wouldn't take me anything to throw in a couple of clothes into the washing machine which I believe its something that anyone of us could do as partners. why making it my sole RESPONSIBILITY?. He also said that I will be the only one to clean the master bedroom, he doesn't want anyone to come in uninvited for any reason, its just going to be OUR room, sounds very weird to me. Finally, he does not eat stale food. Anything he would eat must be freshly prepared. so why do we have the refrigerator? I am the type that cook for a whole week or two, I don't like to spend my time in the kitchen. How can i be productive in other things if i am always going to be making fresh food everyday? when the kids come, can I keep up with the same energy?
Besides the 3 challenges raised here, we have had other issues which we discussed and agreed on a meeting point favorable to all, however, the above are still pending. He sounds very serious and said that if i said YES to him, we would start the courtship proper and he will come back this DEC to get married.
My response has been that what he is asking of me is a huge commitment which I need to think through, make my consultations and most importantly pray and hear from God.
Beloved BVs, especially those from BENIN/EDO state, please can you shed more light on the No.1 above. what is this tradition about?. who has had a similar situation and what did you do? Are you in a similar situation in your marriage, how are you making it work?
I look forward to your wise counsel. I will be in the comment section to respond to further questions.
God bless you.
Thank you Stella for this opportunity.
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN........This would be a Marriage that would be dead on arrival...How can you agree to thse terms?All his conditions are a NO NO NO. do not be so desparate to marry and agree to this nonsense up there....Walk away, SAY NO!!!!!
And please do not agree to any oath that will bind you spiritually...If you are not making him go through any oath not to cheat, he should not force you to go thru any......HE WILL DEFINITELY CHEAT, people from that side of Naiaj are never satisfied with one woman and when you walk away they never release you from the bondage so that you will not go with another man!!!
If you love yourself and want to live long and in peace, better not accept that proposal.
ReplyDeleteCertain things I would have loved to put down....personal experience but no need to go into all of that.
Reject that proposal.
Sluttychic.
GOD FORBID this kind one as husband. Nne please shut it down with immediate effect.
DeleteABORT MISSION!!!
Please do drop it.
DeleteEven if it's not in this post. Drop it as a gist anonymously.
Thank you. Please, Let's learn.
Let me personalize it. I want to learn
Thank you.
Once I saw that the guy is from Edo Benin, I knew it can't be good lol.
DeleteOf all the tribes in this Nigeria, its an edo man that you're considering to marry, there are very few good one. Yes, I'm from edo so I know better.
They are proud and arrogant and they want their wives to be a doormat.
My sister continue your search for a husband oh unless you want to rush and marry and live in regrets
I believe this guy is stressing on the tradition because he has some red flags that may cause you to get tired of the marriage so fast which other women have noticed and that's why they are running away from him. He may want to let you know now that if you enter, you have no room for leaving him because if you leave him, you would face serious consequences.
DeleteAre his reproductive organs working properly? I didn't say you should go and test him via sexual contacts oh.
Does he have a transmittable killer disease?
Is he having a strong spiritual problem that scares women away from him?
Etc
This is serious, God forbid bad thing! Please, don't ever do this. Your real husband will come.
DeletePoster, pls ignore/dump this irrational low-key human being that calls himself an Edo boy (yes, he is a boy despite being 40yrs). I am a proud Edo man and we don't do these trash archaic traditional practices. May be it is his family's fetish tradition, not Edo tradition. I am sure he is one of these razz and hard Edo boys in Germany or Netherlands running all sorts of illegal businesses. I repeat, it is his family's tradition and not that of Edo State. There are fetishism and traditional families in all tribes - judge him based on his personality and family's practices and beliefs.
DeleteDear God! If not that everything you have done is right I would have criticized your idea of marriage......
DeleteWomen have been insulted, humiliated , embarrassed and tortured all in the name of this marriage ish!
Dear God! Why was
the reproductive system of a woman limited?
Oh God have you seen that a woman that has clocked 30still single stops enjoying life and already feels she has failed herself?
I do not know but please God review women,s case about marriage and create a balance please.....
A cheat with narcissistic behavior. Sister, run.
DeleteBefore you do, tell him about the Eke in Anambra state that moves in with brides from the day of marriage. It’s a protector. Kills a cheating partner. Also, he has to take an oath before the shrine where it stays and most likely spend 72hrs with it, ALONE.
Please come back with update on his reaction We are not here to play. 😠😤
@poster, if you know what ia good for your dear life, please please run very far away from this man. I don't know you but I am pleading for you to run o. I no get strength to type, but a word is enough for the wise.
DeleteDo not marry that man. My cousin married one from same place and tradition you just mentioned. After marriage they relocated abroad. For good 10yrs no one heard from her only that she gave birth to a daughter. Took her she later divorced him,but her daughter till today no news of her,guy disappeared with the girl. My cousin is in her late 50yrs,she just married again after she got her life back,with the help of family.
DeleteABORT MISSION IMMEDIATELY, he is married over there and wont relocate in that 5 years also he is a terrible human and so many women has rejected him already and he is just trying to tie yyou down spiritually
DeleteDear poster, once you start having a second thought about any relationship, please follow your instincts. All these stiff conditions placed before you because you want to marry, hmmm,.not pleasant. Then why is he in a hurry within the short time you just met. Please don't rush in because you feel age is not in your side, you even have to take oath? Whr nonsense!. If you do not have the conviction or you are not settled in your heart about this relationship, please don't go ahead.
ReplyDeletePlease collect the FX, if money is your thing, or collect 1 or 2 kids from him if motherhood is your thing. Or find how to collect better passport from him, if that is your thing. But NEVER agree to nonsense. Collect and And keep it moving, he saw 35 and felt he should fantasize with you as a few misogynistic Netizens online often do. He is NOT eating fresh food nor doing all that nonsense with his oyibo wife and yet he lived till 40. Abeggo.
DeleteWaka go front, Oprah and millions of women are not married and are not settling either.
Abeg abeg abeg, he is not a serious human being
What do you mean collect collect? Some of you are the reason some men have no respect for women. So greedy, until you collect the one that will choke you. Hungry lot!
DeleteCut off and completely block the destiny destroyer
DeletePoster, pls I beg you don't collect nothing. Just leave him & face front 🙏
DeleteThe red flags is bright and hot like the sun and it's not summer yet. Poster you cannot deal or cope so don't even bother. Do not start what you cannot finish.
ReplyDeletei couldn't have said it better
DeleteI'm from Edo state and all the points related to Edo here are all lies.
ReplyDeletePlease Walk away from this guy and wait on God to send you, your man.
This guy is upto something and I can tell you now once he goes back after the wedding you may not even see he again until God knows when.
Please don't agree to y of those conditions, you are not a slave.
Everything is just off but you see that number one eh, it is a red flag. Take an oath before a rod, just you o. Not the both of you. So much later in your marriage, it'll be ok for him to go ahead to cheat on you without dying (or the other consequences) ba??🙄😡. But it seems like you want to go ahead with this despite your beliefs,cos you think age is not on your side. Hmmm
ReplyDeletePoster, I am 39 and still single, free and happy. So because you are 35, you want to kill yourself before you die cos you want to be married. Why are you pressurizing yourself by yourself. Please it’s better to be single, free and happy than to be married, in bondage and miserable. You have the answer to your chronicle. Read it again like it’s not your chronicle and advise yourself. Online dating for that matter. You no like yourself.
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE NOT COMPATIBLE with this man.
ReplyDeleteBUT the desire for abroad life or expected gains has or is covering your eyes from seeing the plain facts (pardon me please).
Do not marry him because of your incompatibility.
After where you said you are a Christian, it became obvious your continuing relationship with the man is selfish. And as a street wise man, he knows hence the layers and layers of commandments.
O'girl, no be your husband be dis man.
By the way, I am a male.
Nnem gba 440!!
ReplyDeleteThis one no follow Cha Cha!
Gifty
Please poster,don't marry this man,he already put his cards on the table, very archaic and diabolical man.🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteVery diabolic & a dictator, haa! See instructions untop marriage wey never start
DeleteYou never marry this guy see rules and regulations everywhere. I once asked a man, if I do all this things what will you do or change for me? All I see is u will do, u will do. It feels like a maximum security prison even without u being in it.
ReplyDeletePlease walk away. This is too fetish, with too many rules, if u marry him shege awaits u. U are better single to stupor. Quote my dad "love is sometimes not enough."
The laundry and stale food saga to me, I guess with time he will let go bcoz na initial gra gra dey worry him.
ReplyDeleteBut u see that idol own pls as a Christian and a born again, biko decline now
What😳 don't even consider such biko.
U see all these Christians that are still holding unto devilish tradition, pls stay away from them, they will stress u in marriage with there ignorance.
But before you take your decision pray well well and ask God for direction
@ your first paragraph,Some do
Deletenot let go,I know a woman in
her 50's,dem no born her well not to cook soup everyday and do her husband's laundry.
At times sef,the man won't later eat it,saying na bread and egg he want,so she will have to dash it out or eat it the next day by herself.
@Mariam haaaaaaaa😳 kai, I pity the woman
DeleteThese version of men are wild heartless oppressive hateful of women animals looking for slaves and victims to devour and destroy. Aunty he is a vulture , BLOCK AND DELETE, even if he is the last man on earth. Take your standards high, he is not an option at all, very demonic bondage carrying man.
DeleteThese version of men are wild heartless oppressive hateful of women animals looking for slaves and victims to devour and destroy. Aunty he is a vulture , BLOCK AND DELETE, even if he is the last man on earth. Take your standards high, he is not an option at all, very demonic bondage carrying man.
DeleteMarriage is surpose to be enjoyed not endured.. if you marry this man my sister you are in danger and boundage at the same time.. you better think very deep ? Don'tbe every desperate and then end up in boundag..,
ReplyDeleteYou already know in your heart the answers to all the questions you have put out. Please don't be desperate to the extent of allowing this man cajole you into this type of union. Like Stella said it's dead on arrival, by entering into a union with this man, you have relinquished all your rights as a human to him. It would be living in bondage, let him go, he's not for you. Don't walk into a pitfall, the hand writing is clearly on the wall.
ReplyDeleteThis is a recipe for suffer head. Abort mission!
ReplyDeletePoster you need to worry your head detailing all these. Drop him like it's hot.
ReplyDeleteGiving terms and conditions when una never start are huge red flags. Both of you share nothing in common so why swear it.
Please hold on your own man will come. I am also waiting like you.
Marriage is a life time decision that can make or mar you. Relax and focus on your new business.
This is not your husband.
All the best
Poster, you are hearing all these issues which obviously doesn't align with your belief and you are still asking questions? Please don't because of desperation go into marriage that you will be in bandages.
ReplyDeleteI will say run for your life om
Poster, you are hearing all these issues which obviously doesn't align with your belief and you are still asking questions? Please don't because of desperation go into marriage that you will be in bandages.
ReplyDeleteI will say run for your life om
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
ReplyDeleteFrom I read crawl on hands and feet from gate to house and wash feet with Fanta I checked out. I can’t with foolishness that disguises itself as custom. Mtsscchhwww
ReplyDeleteRead the things you have written, you don’t see that you will be a slave to him and his ppl and anything that goes wrong in the marriage will find its way back to being your fault. The ppl are deeply traditional and you are Christian minded, so you will be unequally yoked. Don’t let his talk of you managing his project frighten you, he ain’t it. The only way you should accept his offer is if you hate yourself.
You people are advising someone that won't take your advice sef. The guy is even married abroad. If you like no run.
ReplyDeleteCould not bear to finish it. This is you being tied spiritually in the physical with your consent. Have you asked yourself why with his "all", he's yet to get married? Could be these conditions.
ReplyDeleteTry making up reasons for pulling out and see him soften his "arrogant" countenance. Discontinue discussion with him so as not to convince you.
By the time you enter into his family with these oaths, you will be grateful remaining single till 50.
Run, aunty. Run. Don't look back.
This man doesn't love you one bit,what's with all this laws like he is doing you a favour to marry you.
ReplyDeleteWhat about the bible,that said we shouldn't be unequally yoked,as a Christian sister you should know better.
He doesn't eat stale food,does he makes his meal overthere everyday,then he can reciprocate that in marriage.
Infact the first statement already put me off.HE IS NOT THE BEST FOR YOU.
Your own husband will locate you in Jesus name.
OP, if you enter this marriage, happiness will work out the door. Are their still men who think like this? His years of exposure outside the country didn't rub off on him one bit. Avoid this man o!
ReplyDeleteIf you enter that marriage, you will spend everyday earning your stay in it. You are the one whose hand is being sought after in marriage. What's with all the conditions?
This one looks like one chance marriage fa! Red flags so glaring.
ReplyDeleteThis is too much for one person na
ReplyDeleteMakes me wonder if he’s just catching cruise to see how you react
I think some men play a game to see how desperate women are to marry
He’ll go laugh to his friends about how he gave you all these rules and you kept talking to him
Normally, if you haven't made up your mind to stay put irrespective of bvs opinions this wouldn't have been a chronicle. Truth is, you've got your mind made up! The essence of this is for formality😏
ReplyDeleteJust no go kpai yourself because of DESPERATION.
Sweetheart you have not found your husband ooo, just let him go with a loud thud cos kilode! I am most certain that God will surprise you.
ReplyDeleteThis is a DISASTER. The red flags are just to much, enter into it and blame yourself for life. Don't be overwhelmed by his finances and promises of investment. Most importantly don't be desperate to marry, I can't even wish my enemy to go into this.
ReplyDeleteHello poster, you said you've prayed and God has answered you already. Sometimes, you won't dream or see vision before you see his response to your prayers, he has answered your prayers. There are ways God speaks to us, you just have to be observant, open your heart,ears, for u to know.
ReplyDeleteIt's now left for you to obey, if you do otherwise, you will suffer! God loves you that is why he has shown you this. ire o!
Relationship like a job
ReplyDeleteLike captivity and demonic slavery
DeleteLike slave & master. Housemaid not wife...
DeleteIt feels like walking into hell without dying. Even from reading this post on Stella's blog, I can feel the furnace breathing down on me heavily. What kind of early morning significant challenges are these, that you are insanely seeking to make decisions on? This is definitely not a potential nor promising relationship that should have marriage narratives attached to it. Anyway, what do I know? But here are some of my thoughts on the points you've raised:
ReplyDelete1. The tradition you mentioned seems to be a cultural practice specific to his family or community. It's understandable that you're uncomfortable with participating in rituals that conflict with your Christian beliefs. And I am glad you are still sensible enough to ask questions and not let desperation lead you into destruction. It's important that your concerns are, which, for me, should be to walk away and not even think of any compromise - tradition is tradition, it can't be erased nor suspended by whatever compromise you may plead to enter into.
2. Relocating to his state and overseeing his investment could be a major life change for you. But why uproot your life and kill your dream to pander into what may yet be temporary? It's crucial to consider how this would impact your career, personal goals, and support network. Remember, whatever you allow now becomes a norm in the order of submissions. While marriage comes with a lot of compromises, efforts, presence, and sacrifices, they must be things you are willing to do, not coerced nor mandated. If your man were to be someone flexible and open-minded, I would have suggested you discuss your concerns with him and explore potential compromises or alternative arrangements that could work for both of you. But no, this man is culturally conditioned to his core traditions.
3. While every relationship and marriage is unique, and the growth pattern in it is mutually created, it should be a practice that works for both after due consideration of mutual differences - like my cousin would say. The division of household responsibilities should be negotiated and based on mutual respect and understanding. It's not fair for him to mandate specific tasks solely to you without considering your preferences and lifestyle, upbringing, foundational fundamentals, and raised family style. Again, for his rigidity, I would have asked you to communicate your feelings and discuss how you can share household duties in a way that feels fair and equitable to both of you. But this your man (a trado-misogynist) is conditioned in his ways, which cannot be altered from his posited preferences.
Ultimately, trust your instincts and take the time you need to carefully evaluate whether this relationship aligns with your beliefs, values, goals, and vision for the future. If you are still unsure, please seek guidance and wise counsel from your parents and family members, and prioritize your own well-being and happiness above all else. Why walk through this dark tunnel when it's you who would always be watching over your back? You have your answers already - flee!
Girl, run
ReplyDeleteNo wonder he is 40 and unmarried, no sane person would agree to these terms. Poster, DO NOT MARRY THAT MAN!.
ReplyDelete@Bethel that's an unfair and inconsiderate critique: for every 35 or 40 or 50 that is unmarried has their reason other than cruel demands or conditions.
DeleteMy dear Sister cut every ties or whatever that connects you to this man. You never see husband yet.
ReplyDeleteNot every open door is God sent, some are traps for your downfall. This is purely a trap. Run and don't look back.
U are still asking questions?is alright 🚶🚶
ReplyDeleteMadam , borrow leg from Ben Johnson, Marion Jones, Johnny Walker etc and run fast now. DO NOT LOOK BACK O, IF NOT YOUR STORY MIGHT BE LIKE LOT'S WIFE!!!
ReplyDeleteMy sister how can you even be considering marriage with all these issues you raised. Even one of them is enough to make you run for the hills if you value yourself, talk more of this parade of red flags
ReplyDeleteI know the pressure you may be under and pressure makes us do silly things sometimes, but 35 years old is not too old at all. why do you want to plunge yourself into longterm misery because of desperation? You are even allowing discussion and trying to make compromise?
Lekwa gị, Lekwa afufu. Better dissociate from that man before he convinces you to deal with this impending he'll.
Red flags everywhere poster, you have not found a husband, I suggest you call off the relationship. Run for your life.
ReplyDeleteBlock him today
ReplyDeleteThis, should be capitalized.
DeleteBLOCK HIM TODAY!!!!!!!!
Madam poster pack your slippers and RUN very far
ReplyDeleteThis Man no be marriage but Day light slavery
I have friends from Edo state and I have attended the traditional marriage all what your state in 1 is BIG FAT LIES from the pit of hell.
Poster wait for God's time ,I say wait and you wouldn't regret it🥰
@ Poster, Edo!! Esan! The ones that do not fear God...run far away from them oooo, you still dey ask questions after all the conditions given to you...Woow, it seems like you do not value your sanity!
ReplyDeleteThere are always a few exceptions
DeleteThere are always a few exceptions
DeleteYou’ve been here since 2014 but obviously haven’t learnt anything because what an annoying post ! Are you that desperate for marriage?! Because at the mention of these requirements, you should have ended the talking stage IMMEDIATELY but you’re here asking jamb questions!
ReplyDeleteHave you not learnt anything at all from this blog?
Go ahead and marry him and realize that you will be 1. Nigerian wife 2. He never intends relocating to Nigeria and 3. You’re capped in one slavery of a marriage!
A 40yr old supposed never married man wasn’t enough red flags 🚩 for you ? !
Your last line is so unnecessary. Anyone can say same about a 35year old never married one, who knows if it's words like that pushing poster into desperation. At least if she marries this walking red flag, nobody will call her a 'never-married 35year old'
DeletePoster I beg you,do not be in a hurry to get married rather seriously go to God in prayers.the greatest mistake anyone can ever make,is getting married to the wrong spouse.i tell you,it will destroy you!
ReplyDeleteAs a Christian, I do not support taking an oath before smaller gods(idols).pls pray.
You should even thank your stars that he’s telling you all these now and not after you have entered the marriage! Now to my advise: this Man definitely has a problem either he is impotent or has a very serious illness that’s why he wants you to enter inside a bondage called marriage with him! I am even surprised that at your age you’re asking for advice instead of running! There’s fire on the mountain run! run! run!
ReplyDeleteChronicles loading.....
ReplyDeleteRun very far.
God is not an author of confusion if you're truly relying on him. Abort this Mission impossible fast !!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletePoster RUN far from this man, I am from Edo state married to Edo man and I have never had of that tradition before.
ReplyDeletePlease wait for God's time, marriage is to be enjoyed not to be endured.
Poster please run for your life, marriage was not meant for slavery but for companionship
ReplyDeleteYour values don't align. Let's analyse it.
ReplyDelete1. The relationship is still at its nascent stage, you don't know him enough to uproot your self from your support base to a different location to become "project manager". Tempting as it sounds that you may be building a future with your supposed husband but the question remains; will your name be on the document at the end of the day? Will you have enough support to stand in his home area when there's arguments.?
2. Has he made enough sacrifices for you--i don't mean money(money is the cheapest thing a man can give a lady and because our naira is weak whatever he's giving you is peanut)
3. Belief in idol swearing, is that what you envisioned for your children? Will you be proud of yourself five years later. A marriage rooted in fear of potential cheating is one that lacks the basic critical ingredient called Trust, such a union will not stand the test of time. He most probably not only doesn't trust women in general, also he doesn't seem to have any intention to trust you his fiancé unless you swear before a diety. Fear is a weapon being deployed here, is that what you want for yourself?
4. Your priorities are different, you desire bonding, kids but he seems focused on the project and possibly retiring then...5 years can easily become 10 ,for someone who has learnt to live alone abroad sharing a space with you may not be a priority.
After all has been written -WATCH and PRAY.
PCX
Dear sis pls reject his PROPOSAL. How do I go about this online dating? Do I need to download an app or is there a site I could visit? Pls help a sister. I'm lonely and I can't do married men
ReplyDeleteI'm from Anambra state and dated an edo man, I can tell you, it was hell, selfish, arrogant, and chronic womanizing, you name it, he had it all, My dear, I ran for my life oo.
ReplyDeleteIf you can take all you listed above, then go ahead and marry him, if not run oooo.
Please leave the man. The baggage will be too much for you to carry.Your husband will come. Marriage is hard work and he wants to add more to it. Are you even sure he is single. Most of these men abroad will be married and still be claiming single.
ReplyDeleteNwannem nwanyi gbabakwa na isi aputarokwa na nkea! Isi gini? Whatever you do, don't make the mistake of marrying this man. Your own husband will soon locate you in Jesus name Amen.
ReplyDeletePoster you can only Run!!!
ReplyDeleteWalking red black flag
ReplyDeleteWhy do you ask for time to pray and think about all the rubbish that man said to you 😕 🤔 you should have told him from that moment you cannot marry a man who will put you in bandage. What kind of marriage is he trying to set up with you, why are you the only one to take that oath? You both should take that useless oaths of he knows that he will be faithful.
ReplyDeleteHe wants to marry you and dump you in this country to for his family so that you can suffer, you will not be able to enjoy life with anyone cos he will be over there having fun with his oyibo wife. You will die of complaining plus loneliness, you better run for your life before is too late. Don't allow his sweet talk you with he is in thr abroad, what is he even doing there and how sure are you that he is not married with children.
Block this man and face front, allow other guys to see you and talk to you. You have not seen a husband yet. I pray you listen to our 2 cent and never make the mistake to become his wife. Goodluck
Are you okay at all? Why are you this desperate for marriage? Clearly, you and this guy are not compatible. What the hell is that whole issue about swearing and crawling? As if that is not enough, all these conditions. He does not eat stale food, you must wash his laundry! How can you even be considering such a proposal? Pls don't be desperate, or you will be desperately unhappy with this guy. Are you a maid that YOU must do his laundry? I am so annoyed with you. I feel like knocking some sense into your head. My friend, if you want to be miserable go ahead. The wen that you are looking for you will find it!
ReplyDeleteI rarely comment but I have to because I wouldn't want even an enemy to experience what I'm passing through.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading what someone commented above about marrying an Edo man a tear dropped because those are the things I'm experiencing and more. Proud, arrogant and want to always treat me as a doormat.
My major regret in life right now is the man that I married (an Edo man). I am an igbo lady just like you and nobody should just tell me I'm being tribalistic because it is because I was being detribalized and woke that landed me here.
Take those things he said about cooking and laundry seriously and every other chore. You must do them by force and if you fail to do them it can lead to domestic violence and it will not matter if you are sick, pregnant, tired, stressed or busy.
At first I resisted in many ways (lovingly, stubbornly, reasonably, by talking) but nothing worked instead it led to serious issues that involved families with threats of ending the marriage because i was useless, not submissive, ignorant of my wifely duties. I did these chores 90% o f the time but I was having a difficult pregnancy and had a full time job that kept me away from the house for 12hours.
This is just one aspect, my husband is insensitive, selfish, unfeeling, domineering, aggressive, arrogant, short tempered.
No I didn't marry him because I was desperate. Of course I met him when I was desirous of marriage. I was 29, done with my MSc with a good career and I thought he was my friend being someone I knew before and just 1 year older than me. And no he wasn't rich, I even earn slightly above him.
We discussed and agreed on everything even chores, finance, children etc but the moment we wedded he brought out the other side of him plus other habits I didn't know he has.
I feel like leaving and unhappy every minute but I think of my child. This marriage is just 1year. I ask myself everyday if these are enough reasons to divorce but I don't see a happy future if he continues this way. I've started planning my future without him.
So sis consider yourself lucky that he showed you who he is now. Please let this man go.
So sorry about what you are going through. You can leave now that you have only one child and your condition has not deteriorated beyond remedy. They get worse as the days go by, I tell you they get worse. I am not married to one but I dated one in the past and almost lost my sanity.
DeleteLeave before you lose your mind, your job or your good health (hypertension is real).
Can’t you leave the marriage ??
DeleteIs your kidney died there??
Don’t even try to have another child with him??
DeleteEither you leave now alive or leave in a body bag.God forbid..
The same kids you prioritize above your safety and mental health, will grow up to become adults. Then you'll be alone with a wicked human being.
DeleteThe same kids will be the one to blame you as to why you didn't leave.
It's just a year. Leave let him find someone else to marry.
Oh dear! I have to join the litany of people asking you to leave. This is enough reason to leave. I Can't imagine doing a 12 hour job plus house chores plus childcare. Marriage to your age mate is like this? Haa! Only one year of marriage?! Let me assure you that it will get worse.
DeleteThe best you will do for yourself and child is to disappear with the child and start to file for divorce from where you disappear to. Do not start threatening him with divorce before he will beat it out of you or take the child from you, just disappear.
I left o before the marriage kills me, it wasn't up to 2 yrs. My story was almost like yours but I never bowed to the modern day slavery. I realised I might wake up 10 years later & regret my whole life with him so I left & you need to see me now, blossoming even with the little I have. My dear, nothing beats peace of mind ❤️
DeletePoster dodge this bullet for your sanity sake and peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteIf you mistakenly marry this man eehn chai your mouth go clap🤣 infact your mind no go touch ground 🤣 better no kill yourself just to answer Mrs.
ReplyDeleteWill he take a oath never to cheat on you too or kill you? I don’t know why you’re even considering this man. 2 points out of the 3 are a huge red flag. Run! If you don’t, you’d send another chronicle when you get married
ReplyDeleteA 3 flags are burning red, poster BLOCK HIM
DeleteTake time off dating and work on putting yourself 1st, love yourself deliberately. This demonic man is not an option
Is this some classic joke? Are you double sure that this guy lives abroad?
ReplyDeleteYou never see husband, please, leave him today.
I seen greed why are you still with him, because of his investment you are not even sure of live the benin man alone and go marry from your tribe abi you wan go dey knack outside marriage?
ReplyDeleteYou will deeply regret this marriage if you enter. I don't see Love, I only see desperation. You have already entered your mid 30's, there's nothing to fear. Please try to marry right
ReplyDeletePoster marry right, marry only a man who loves you and you can respect
DeleteLike someone wrote, you should be grateful he told you all these before you got entangled with him all in the name of marriage.
ReplyDeleteAlso, noone is going to be in the marriage with you. The cards have been laid out for you..can you cope?
Thanksgiving
DeleteHe gave all these conditions and you have not blocked him yet?????😂
ReplyDeleteThere are some things that you shouldn’t even go as for a second opinion about. This is one of them.. BLOCK!!!
ReplyDelete