Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
I recently got a banking Job and the training school is located @ Abuja which is for 3-4 months and I am living in a different state with my husband.so here is my plight ...I've been married for less than a year and my elder sister who stays in Adamawa with her kids is of the opinion that I stay with her husband who stays in Abuja (He works in Abuja)...
I really don't feel comfortable with the setting even thou my sister sees nothing wrong in it, but I really don't like the idea of staying with my sister's husband Alone for 4 months...
We are all Lovers of Christ and Ardent believers of the gospel but i just feel it's somehow and even my husband feels the same way but I don't know how to tell My sister without making her feel somehow (because I know she might think that it's because I don't trust her husband)...
Meanwhile the husband is very excited about the development....He is even talking about how he will happily not cook for the next 4 months......
Is My feeling out of place or am I just overdoing it with my thoughts...?
The training you are going for, are they not supposed to put you in a hotel or lodge?Anyway please do not go and stay with your sisters husband alone oh.....It doesnt even sound right just reading it...
Just tell your sister that the Bank has made provision for accommodation at the site of the training and mandates that everyone stays there.
Do not go to avoid "it was the devil" talk. Pls look for another alternative.
ReplyDelete😄
DeleteWhat if after training, the bank posts you to Abuja, will you be staying with your sister's husband or be sent to your state of choice?
DeleteRun, sister. Run.
Poster consider Stella's advice..
DeleteEven the good book asked us to flee from temptation!
Do not stay with your sister's husband. Look for a place to manage for the time being. I am sure God will sort you out if you ask him for help. Don't tell your sis your further moves again to avoid any ish
DeleteStay with others no matter the discomfort, endure it. You can visit him for a day with some colleagues briefly.
DeleteMy sister even the bible talk am say Avoid the devil and it shall flee.. please look for other Alternatives and avoid staying with your sis husband for 4 whole months..
ReplyDeleteYou want to go and stay with your sister's husband for four months, and he is already excited that he won't be cooking for the next four months, and your husband will be missing your food for four months.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you have been married for less than a year, is even not appropriate to leave your husband for that long.
Madam, body no be fire wood ooo... as far sey you no be Angel, and blood is running in your veins, if the man no fall you, you go fall the man, because cold must catch somebody for night.
Above all it's not morally right. Follow Stella's advise.
Staying back to save marriage is why some people are still in poverty today
DeleteAnon 16:38. Going away from your husband for four month to go stay with a man that you are not related to by blood will be more disastrous my dear. If you don't believe in marriage, some do, and everything is not poverty.
DeleteMoreover, the poster didn't mention they are struggling financially.
Micho yours want just about accommodation you said why go for 4 months
DeleteMany change their life by being apart for a season
While some stick together with no progress
Both of you will be working and busy with your lives, you also would not sleep on the same bed, and maybe using different rooms. Go, set boundaries, and never forget that he is not your husband. If you sense rubbish, terminate the arrangement.
ReplyDeleteI am Shocked oooh.
DeleteIs it that As Humans we do not have Self Control??
Except it is a 1 bedroom, please Madam take up your linlaws offer.
If Your Sister 's husband had rejected this Suggestion,Same You and Your Husband might consider him " Wicked"
If he doesnt give You reasons to feel uncomfortable, Stay in his House.
For the Cooking,Will you not Still cook and eat irrespective of if you live with him?????
You know yourself. Can you withstand sexual advances from him no matter how it is presented to you? Can you deal with sexual temptations that may come up in your mind/head? This is not a big deal for people that know themselves.
ReplyDeleteYou had better flee if you know you are not sure that you can resist .
Again, as you stay with him please mind the type of clothes you put on. Always mind your business while in the house.
Stay in your lane . Cook, serve him his meal and proceed to minding your business.
Please don't stay with your brother-in-law. Get somewhere else to stay. See finish may enter this whole setting abeg.
ReplyDeleteAnother angle, avoid the see finish that will come later
DeleteIf you are the only two adults going to be at home, pls find somewhere else to stay. You can visit and go back to where you will stay.
ReplyDeleteYou can cook for them and go back to your place. But don't stay eith yojr brother in law alone. He is not blood related to you.
Your disposition is good. Talk to your sister and tell her ut will be too much for you but you can visit and help out during the weekends. Not yo stay ooo.
Do not give a chance to any form of temptation. You won't see it coming.
Wisdom is profitable to direct. The arrangement isn't so okay since your sister won't be in the house, even if your sister trusts her husband,it's not proper. Leaving two adults to live together. May the devil not tempt either of you to do the unthinkable. Follow Stella's advice
ReplyDeleteExactly! Please go with Stella's advice...Tell her they have provided accom,odation for you..
ReplyDeleteSimple as Stella said.
ReplyDeleteUrhobo man say "Akpo ughe" - life na cinema; life is full of befuddling wonders.
You and your husband internally do not trust your brother in law, or do not want to be obligated, or whatever feeling, which is not christainly.
I honestly won't stay, not because I don't trust him or me, but I hate being in a position that might bring issues in future. There's a 40% chance of it not ending well. Get a room and pay for that months, just be visiting. You go explain tire no evidence, unless someone else's is leaving with him, just you and him? Hell no
ReplyDeleteDon't stay with your sister's husband. Had it been there are other people in the house or even the kids, it would have been a different matter. But just the two of you? No.
ReplyDeleteSee has many commentaries ?are there no men of integrity again ,no selfcontrol and no fear of God why has the world become this even with people that profess to know God ,maranatha our Lord cometh pls
ReplyDeleteThere are still good men available but don't tempt them..
DeleteThank you @Goke.
DeleteBut the BIL deserves the first stick from the Poster, and the rest he has received from mostly Female Bvs.
His SIL wants to stay with him for four months and he has concluded on turning him to a maid. What guarantee does he have that the Poster even cooks for her husband? BIL has not heard that the new mantra is "wife not cook"? How has he been coping since?
In this hard times, he could not even make the Poster, her Husband, and his wife beg for the opportunity. He just jumped at it arms and legs and body. Who does that? And he is a Nigerian O. Who would not be suspicious of his intentions as Poster rightly insinuated in her post but struggled so hard to blur. The veiled suspicion of his intentions by the Poster is well grounded.
Women teach your sons home skills that they may not have this kind of chronicle written about them because of home cooked food.
Pity Poster sought to hide her plain sight distrust for the man who clearly is just trying to be a good BIL. Here is why it is always good to let people ask beg for what you give them.
Firstly,the company is supposed to provide accomodations but since they didn't,staying with your brother in law for months without your sister around,Is not adviceable,it is morally wrong and you will never be comfortable enough.
ReplyDeleteJust tell your sister that your company have made provision for accomodation.
Kindly take Stella's advice. It's for your own good. You can cook and send to him.
ReplyDeleteThe world has totally gone bad see how every one is saying no to something that should be naturally yes. This is the level the world has been rotten to. Oya poster flee from there
ReplyDeleteHonestly! I’m reading the comments and thinking ‘ahn ahn!! Something that is not supposed to be an issue fa. Kai”
DeleteI wander .
DeleteApply wisdom so will not be misunderstood. For me any time i feel uneasiness around something I'm about to do or a decision am about to take, it never goes well if i go against the warning from my instinct. Pls look for a place to stay & avoid stories that touch...
ReplyDeleteIf you don't have plans of staying in a hotel. I can accommodate you for the four months for a fee. I am female and a good Christian too.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, there should be an alternative somehow. Do not embark on this. Make your sister see reasons with you, it's not all about being a Christian oh...Bible says ''take heed lest you fall''
ReplyDeleteHey God!!!
DeleteFall 4 her Sister's Husband?
Or Sisters husband Fall for her.
There is More Sins in this World than Sexual.
Mehnnnn,I am Surprised sha
Just follow Stella advice please..
ReplyDeleteNa wa o . You’re married? Abi am I missing something? Why is your mind going towards evil? I won’t even think anything if I live with him for ten years
ReplyDeleteLike!!!!
DeleteHow naaa. Except the House is a Single room,Self contained. ( No privacy) i Honestly do not see any wrong staying with an inlaw.
Or will her Sister push her to A Promiscuous Man?
Omor na so all these banks dey do o...they don't provide accommodation during their training period irrespective of the location, they expect you to sort yourself out, and then after you officially get the job they give accommodation allowance. A friend of mine was posted to Lagos for Access bank training school this year and he really struggled with accommodation.. he later had to pay a guy he met to just squat with him for 3 months... Poster Look for other alternatives please, the devil is as a roaring lion seeking for whom to devour! This isn't even a matter of trust...Remember that the best of Men is still a Man (both gender included). Wishing you all the best!
ReplyDeletePoster please and please don't go,my kid sis so much trust her hubby the shame way,the man used church to deceived her but that man is a demon,I so much love and thank God for the kind of family I came out of,he even invited to pay him a visit,he told me not to let anyone know I'm coming but I kept laughing at his stupidity, imagining myself in bed with my sister hubby because of his money really makes me sick🤮
ReplyDeleteYou have to forgo the job,if no other options.
ReplyDeleteI think she has options but doesn’t want to offend her sister
DeletePoster, don't forgo the job oh, get there first and find out if there's any alternative, like moderately priced guest house or a class mate you can squat with or something, don't stay with your brother in law.
DeletePlease look for another place and stay to avoid stories.
ReplyDeletejust dey play
ReplyDeleteyou want to stay with your sister's husband when your sister is not around
have you seen where you keep yam and goat in the same house for days and expect that one day the goat will not go close to the yam? you better respect your husband and tell your sister the truth that your husband is not comfortable with this idea. Do not give your husband room to suspect you especially after your training, remember your in law will get attached to you with the food, house chores, gisting and all that, before you say jack pant are already pulling down strong holds.
Please look for money to pay for a small apartment of get a hotel to stay. If your sister was in town then i would have ask you to accept the offer but since she s not there please do not trust a MAN or MEN.
Like seriously. Your sister and husband is not seeing anything wrong with it. Maybe they trust you guys nothing will happen. Please look for alternative to avoid another chronicle. It might be a plan work
ReplyDeletePlease look for a place to stay. Okwu agwu.😎😎
ReplyDeletePlease check if it's not a plan work. Your sister and your husband should be sensitive
ReplyDeleteTo me is okay if you and your sister 's husband get allong well,as in una dey close.But if you and your husband are not okay with it,look for another alternative
ReplyDeletePoster, what other options are you looking at? If the bank is lodging you at a hotel then stay there. You can always tell your sister that the bank insists all trainees stay at their designated hotel for security reasons.
ReplyDeleteIf the bank requires trainees to find their own lodgings and you need to save money, then why not visit the location of where your brother in law lives and see how the place is setup first. It may be situated in a way that gives you good privacy and limited contact with him. You could also stay in your room a lot under the guise of studying and doing assignments. He will probably visit your sister some of the time and you have the place to yourself.
You know your character better than anyone else. Pray on it and see what comes out. If after you look at the place you don’t like the setup then you have leverage and can easily say it feels claustrophobic, too far from where you need to go for training…etc. It is easier to say no if it looks like you made an attempt, especially if you are concerned about your sister’s feelings.
Sexual urge is stronger than keeping character, even if the place is well set up with barricade for privacy, it takes few minutes for it to be pulled down when that sensual desire comes.
DeleteThere is no way you will stay close to someone that you won't develop feelings, especially when living in the same room, opposite sex for that matter!
By the time he start telling you sweet words like... "wow you look so beautiful like your sister, your food is sweet ooo...I am missing your sister, your dress is nice, are you feeling cold, come and give me a hug, and you feel that bulge from under, before you know pant go shift...
MichoHay, everyone struggle in life is not the same. There are a great many ppl on this earth who would never fall into sexual immorality no matter who knocks on their door and that is both for males and females. The idea that everyone thinks this BV will just fall into sexual immorality with her brother in law because they are sharing the same residence alone boggles my mind.
DeleteSexual urges may indeed be strong but some ppl know how to take care of themselves without bothering others. Some know self restraint, some have very strong values around sex. And some would prefer to enter the afterlife before committing any grave sin. I just don’t think it’s good to think everyone lacks self control or a good mindset. I don’t want to ever live in a world where I view everyone as low character and immoral, that is the reason why I think they could live under the same roof peacefully and spiritually intact. I’m fine being the unicorn🦄
It is well o
ReplyDeletePlease abort than plan because it may not end well. Even if you guys are believers the devil works in a way that is confusing.May be sexual stuff will not happen,what of the little affection
ReplyDeletethat may develop from observing the way you cook and take care of his welfare and comparing you with his wife.
The devil is a bastard so don'invite him at all. Do you know what it means to share same space for 4 months. Na beg I dey beg.
Chi loving
Don't stay with your sister 's husband look for another alternative so thére will be no regrets in future
ReplyDeleteDon't go, get a shortlet for the 4 month, tell the company you don't have where to stay if they can provide you with any
ReplyDeleteWhen that thing rear it's ugly head, he no dey remember bible verse o. So it's better safe than sorry, follow SDK advise, please. Do not stay with him.
ReplyDeleteHaving a free place to stay in Abuja for 4 months with free supplies of food is not a small thing in this Tinubu economy I will advise you stay there but get someone else like a relative to also be with you people during this period.
ReplyDeleteHe could catch feelings, you could catch feelings. Please abort mission.
ReplyDeleteI think it's more of self respect and dignity just like a man sleeping in his in laws house, there are some circumstances that you ll see and it will be better to seek for shelter elsewhere than this arrangement.
ReplyDeleteAfter our introduction my parents traveled to the villa for a function my hubby came around My cousin was like he should stay in our house ,my husband said wetin as what mba oo no oo , so its more of respect , dignity and self respect.
Poster look for accommodation I don't even like the idea of him saying you ll now be cooking for him ,ugwu bu nkwanye nkwanye to avoid see finish
Well, I don't think its even about sex. Poster and her husband aren't comfortable with the idea and that's a big deal. It seems she doesn't get along well with her BIL or they aren't really close, so she's skeptical about staying with him for that period of time.
ReplyDeleteJust tell your sister you got an alternative and I'm sure she'll come around even if she isn't happy at first.
And if you don't have an alternative now, you may find someone who's willing to share an apartment even if its for a fee. It could even be one of your fellow trainees.
In all, don't go there if you aren't comfortable staying with him.
Poster, no go anywhere. Make provision for yourself abeg. Listen to your instincts.
ReplyDeleteDey no dey keep.goat and yam together..I strong advice against it
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of when i left my state to do ICAN exams in a neighbouring state and stayed with a male colleague turned friend from work. He was the one who encouraged me to start doing the ICAN and helped with the coaching centre etc. He offered the accommodation for exams time too.. This place we stayed, we were up to 10 if not more. I don't remember the arrangement whether we paid or it was forfree. It was a large apartment with several people who came for the exams and we were mostly fully clothed, and up all night studying.
ReplyDeleteI never thought anything of it as i was more concerned with passing the exams. I found accounting really challenging then despite that my background waa economics so i was really anxious.
Only for my boyfriend in tge UK to start querying my choice of staying there the following day snd stressing me up despite that i carried him along.
Apparently, his own friend( bestie of sorts), whom i met him tru, who is also a colleague and doubles as the ICAN guy's work bestie, had told him he was uncomfortable about the arrangement saying " he doesn't have issues with the ICAN guy, it's me he doesn't trust".
Nothing said by a human being has ever broken me like that.
This guy was my very good friend too. Or so I thought. He used to be very nice to me at work etc
I went on to marry this guy but they found everyway to bring the marriage down before it even started.
Hmmn Mogbaraleoluwa... if you're reading this, how market? Hope your life is blemish free and perfect?
Fast forward to 12 years later. I got a job that required me to stay three days in my state and three days in the next neighbour state. After staying in hotel for 5 months when I'm in the other state (on the company's bill) and i got frustrated with hotel food, plus the company was gonna move me to the other state permanently but told me to find permanent accommodation that would be paid for and move out of the hotel. Though they didn't pursue me but i wanted to take my time to get a good place and i was tired of hotel life though. So when my much much younger sister and her boyfriend, yes boyfriend at the time suggested i stayed with him in his newly acquired 2 bed room flat, i jumped at it. My sister was still a student in a neighbouring state.
We barely saw. Thanks to Lagos life. But he was really accommodating.
She would come on weekends, coincidentally, i don't spend most weekends there. Then one day he anxiously and excitedly asked me for her ring size and told me he was gonna propose to her. And thankfully, I got my ccommodation shortly before they got married.
I remember staying with the young man for about 2 months sha. And all was well.
So it's 50-50.
Look for a short let apartment and rent there or look for an apartment and rent for 6 months
ReplyDelete