THE BREAKUP
Hello Stella
I am a 30 years old single working class lady looking for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. I met Dapo on Instagram he indicated interest in me and I told him I live in Ibadan. Dapo lives in Lagos and he is 32 years old. He said distance is not an issue. He is managing a 70 thousand naira job in Lagos. He said he is looking for a better job because he is a mass communication graduate.
This is where the problem lies, each time, i asked him to visit Ibadan so that we can meet physically because we have been chatting for two months he told me to wait for him to receive his salary for the month.
This is where the problem lies, each time, i asked him to visit Ibadan so that we can meet physically because we have been chatting for two months he told me to wait for him to receive his salary for the month.
when they paid his salary in June, I asked we meet in July ,the first Saturday in the month. He said he was tired that he will visit Ibadan next week Friday because his work is not usually hectic on Friday so is mine too. He didn't show up when I asked him why, he said because there was local government election July 12 on Saturday in Lagos.
I am tired already because I want a relationship where I will meet my partner physically to be sure he is my spec or not.I don't know if he is using me emotionally or serious because he calls often but once the day he promised to show up appears he will go silent after that he will reach out to me and I am tired because this is the second time.
I seriously wish to settle down but I don't want a man that will waste my time .I can't begin to tell my friends that I am looking for a job for an unseen boyfriend.
Is the Lagos local government election enough reason for him to cancel his trip to Ibadan bcus the election was Saturday and he promised to come on Friday and our agreement was that we will meet in the eatery and he will leave Ibadan that same day because he said he can't afford an hotel and I stay with my parents because I want to save more money before renting my apartment.
He stays with his elder brother,I don't mind visiting him in Lagos but being a man, I feel he should be the first to come to Ibadan so that I can know how serious he is I don't want time wasters.
I told him I am done with him did I do the right thing?
He sounds like fake and his format is an old one that you may not be used to...He will soon start billing you but first he has to trap you emotionally before that starts...Please dont let hm come back to beg you...You sound desperate for marriage he is not ready......There is no guarantee that he will marry you after getting a better job so you did the right thing, let him move on...
Wetin concern a man earning 70k in dis tinubu regime with relationship sef?
ReplyDeleteThe guy should go and upgrade his finances o
Such a man is not supposed to have an erection, let alone relationship. If he has erection and impregnates someone, how will he cope with expenses?
DeleteUna wicked here lol change your mind set
DeleteThe guy will learn the hard way 😂
DeleteSo because he earns #70 k he should not fall in love, abi??
DeleteHe will find a woman that will love and accept him like that.
Love is unconditional.
Small boy winning your head. Please grow up.
DeleteHmmmm. Catfish pepper soup. 🦈
DeleteYou want him to pay transport to and fro Ibadan just to see your face? On a 70,000naira salary? Dey play! You go wait tire! How you sef go wan marry a man on that kind salary? You too desperate, jooohhhh
Delete16:49, he should fall in love and gbensh abi?
DeleteIf he gets the lady pregnant, how will he meet up with baby expenses?
He should forget about love for now until he upgrades his job.
Desperation is a disease, you are desperate for marriage. The guy has seen the signs and is not ready for commitment, you should face front and pray for your own man.
ReplyDeleteHow can a man earning 70k salary be ready for commitment.
DeleteGuy wants free tohtoh for the meantime. When he is okay financially, he will marry his choice of woman.
He would have eventually asked her to visit instead.
Maybe you should give the relationship some time to marinate to see how things will work out. Who knows he might as well be taking his time to be sure of his commitment.
ReplyDeleteFor now pls just enjoy the pace of he relationship to help you decide better.
Aunty, go with the flow.... if he comes around, fine....if he doesn't, move on....
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't sound like a real person
Poster pls block him. Don't go and fall inside fire because you want to marry.
ReplyDeleteThat his format is old..
He already told you he is not okay financially.
He will soon start billing you.
His mum will soon fall sick or have an accident.
His "brother will soon start frustrating him and then send him out of the house and he will need help to rent a befitting one for "the two of you".
He may soon need help to start a business and quit his "70k job".
He will soon need help to offset a loan that is killing him.
Etc.
Pls leave that guy, you don't need such in your life , let him look for someone in Lagos
How will a man even bill you to start with say I go give man shishi dey never born am well mcteeww 😚
DeleteAnyone earning 70k as salary in Lagos has no business dating and even thinking of marriage.
ReplyDeleteOP, you did the right thing. Don't beat yourself up.
But his reasons for not coming on the stipulated dates are valid. Saturday is election and you want him to risk coming on Friday, a day before the election as if you don't know how situation of things usually turn out during election period. You are inconsiderate. Allow the election to pass before you start judging him. What if he visits you and is unavailable to go back to Lagos that same day in this rainy season and election period? Give him time to plan his coming properly. You are already sounding emotional on someone that you haven't met. What if he is dwarf but has a good facecard? You have to calm down and continue searching for men in your environment pending when you confirm that the guy is serious before you can give in emotionally.
ReplyDelete😂
DeleteHe doesn't have fidelity. How can he break his words so casually like that without being bothered? Nawa.
ReplyDeleteNever start a relationship with anyone who doesn't have something to lose. The signs are already showing.
Poster, please forget about him, he's not serious, maybe he's married with family. Desperation is bad, don't be a victim.
ReplyDeleteYou sound very desperate, relationship must work first and grow before you start thinking of moving to marriage oo. Just 2 months, you guys have not seen in person, you are already throwing marriage everywhere. The red flag I can see in this guy is the fact he goes MIA when it is time to visit, so he is probably having cold feet, meaning he is either not in love or he has a relationship in Lagos and he is just a scammer like Stella said or he is using you for vibes. Watch what he says and his body language when he is apologising for not coming. Last last cut off from him cos Lagos is not far from Ibadan. Your next relationship, allow the relationship to grow and get to know the person before you start thinking of marriage. All these already looking at his pocket and thinking of marriage, marriage will make you choose the wrong person. Dr. O
ReplyDeleteAbi ooo
DeleteI am the POSTER.He has never billed me neither does he knows the nature of my job but I just feel meeting physically should precede and so far he is always postponing his visit I break up with him because I am tired jare
ReplyDeleteYou are not tired enough. This man has stated clearly his salary from the very beginning. 70K is not great at all even if he lives with his brother. He has no business talking to any woman. Where would he get the money for transport fare etc. Madam look elsewhere sharply. You have been warned.
DeleteI don’t know about any thing else but the election excuse was valid
ReplyDeleteThey kept changing the rules about when to be off the road, drivers were also charging more. The whole thing was a big fat mess
It’s two months. He can still come this coming weekend. Traveling during election is not even safe so don’t blame him for that
I wrote this
DeleteBut if he was supposed to come Friday and leave Friday, I don’t see his Saturday election stopped him
You are too desperate! After you go join those frustrated girls to say "men are scum"🤣🤣🤣
DeletePoster whatever you do, don't give him money o..
ReplyDeleteDon't let him turn you ATM
If you’re to go to Lagos easily then just go and free your mind already
ReplyDeleteSo you wanted to get married to 70k salary earner?
ReplyDeleteIs the pressure for me?? Why was she giving him that kind pressure, even when he had made his reasons clear.
ReplyDeletePoster be calming down. Not everybody that is in a relationship is ready for commitment.
He is not serious with you. He doesn't have the money to visit you and also he is a liar. Run very far from him. Ignore him and face your life. Don't let desperation put you into trouble. You are not old for marriage.
ReplyDeleteWork hard and see men come for you.
He’s looking for a job
ReplyDelete70k is not all he will make in life
My dear, if you are desperate for marriage, you may settle for just anyone which is very wrong. relax and always remind yourself, there is a man destined for you by God and you wouldn't stress yourself before he finds you.
ReplyDeleteIf he/she can't make you a priority, then you aren't so important to them and you should let go
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ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteAs ladies, the mistake we often make is not establishing the view of our men on the longevity of courtship/dating before investing in a relationship. As most ladies desire a short span, rather than a longer span men are more open to. I think that's where the conversation must start.
We need someone who shares the same relationship values with us. To measure their pulse on how long they are open to date before committing to a decision. Besides that, you did the right thing by stepping back - not out of confusion, but for clarity.
When someone repeatedly breaks promises easily, it’s not for excuses - it’s avoidance. Relationships need momentum, not confusion. You’re not wrong for wanting physical presence before thorough emotional investment. Kindly don’t internalise this as your fault. Your standards are not a burden - they’re your compass.
His finances aren’t the problem - it’s his inconsistency. A man earning 70k can love, after all, women in that salary bracket also love - even with pride. But love is not a theory; it’s a pursuit. If he wanted to come, he would have planned it, regardless. Inconsistent men who always have a new excuse may be grooming you emotionally. The absence of billing doesn’t cancel out manipulation.
Though I smell desperation, you're also tired of half-effort. Or are you also reflecting that? Take this time to reset your standards - not lower them. What you need is someone whose actions match their intent. And that right man won’t need reminders to show up, provided you are also showing up where necessary.
Be cautious though, with online dating. For the longest time, make your base the meeting point. But believe me, your value is not in your marital status, it’s in your alignment with your inner peace. Stay open, but stay wise in toning down the urgency for whatever reason, for marriage can blind you to patterns that whisper, “This won’t grow.”
I no de advice desperate people, they’ll still do their mind
ReplyDeleteYou are thinking and planning marriage with a man that is earning 70k in this economy 🤣 you mouth go clap🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteNo matter what you do, do not visit him first
ReplyDeleteChai.. Desperation is bad.
ReplyDeleteWhat if is is testing your to see your actions and reactions to his supposedly 70k job and other excuses.
Some wealthy guys do it.
I wonder why ladies rarely think that men who approach them would test them.
ReplyDeleteIf I had to do marriage again, I would test any lady that crosses my path.
Why not? GOD never entrusts believers with divine treasures beyond their level of loyalty, faithfulness, and capacity.
Women too should learn to test men.