Hmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
IS THIS TRUE?
I am from the west and dating a guy from the East and it is altar headed but my friend who is also from the East is telling me that if i marry someone from the East, he will still marry someone from the East that's how they behave and never feel they are truly married until they marry one of their own...
Is this true? If i marry this man, years later will he marry another igbo woman to replace me? I want to know before i will start the conversation with him...My igbo friend says that he will deny it if i ask.......
He has not proposed yet so i can still back out cos i will never allow anyone make me a first wife, I want to be ONLY WIFE and i hate anything that begins to shit toward this tribal nonsense....
I dont know anything about this but i have seen someone joke about this and later say that he was joking........ Most igbo people dont marry outside and i dont know why...why dont you ask him..
Since you say it's altar headed, why don't you ask him.
ReplyDeleteSome of my Yoruba friends married Igbos and none did that
DeleteLies from the pit of hell.
ReplyDeletePoster claim made is most times NOT true. Could be that your friend is jealous and could be feeding you with unnecessary fears to back out?
DeleteHis your man so go to him to air your concerns. I'm curious when you started dating; you didn't have a talk with him on the cultural/tribal differences and how both of you will handle it in future from both families if need be?
Poster an Igbo man that marries you legally will hardly later marry someone else from their own tribe. Except God forbid una later get issues for the marriage.
ReplyDeletei am from the east and want to say what you are saying is not true with him getting married to another person (igbo) as a second wife. I know my people love male children like there is no tomorrow, they love good food. You need to learn how to prepare those igbo local dishes if you truly want to have this man all to yourself with his attention and love.
ReplyDeleteIndividual also matters on what you just said, you can stylishly bring up a topic of a movie you watched and get to find out if he is someone that may want to marry an igbo person tomorrow. If you confront him face to face he may not agree to that. If you both finally agreed to get to the alter please remember to sign no second wife while exchanging your vows.
Lastly, to have a faithful partner or perfect marriage all depends on you and your spouse and not by tribe or color. Do not also judge people based on what other say or you hear until you know the person and their family very well. Ask questions about their family, find out if he has relatives or siblings who married other tribes and still got a second wife from their tribe. Do not end something you are not sure of.
Best of men are capable of error. It is not tribe based. It is not particular to igbo people.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteIf you are still asking this question, it's one of two things:
1. You are dating the wrong person, or
2. You don't trust or have enough confidence in this man to do right by you.
Rather than listening to people’s projections that come from a place of fear, why not ask him direct questions to understand your position in his life? You don’t necessarily have to ask him if he would marry another wife; there are better ways to get the clarity you need......
Or date the kind of man you truly want, instead of relying on the subtle tribal undertone in your write-up......If anyone tells you something negative about a particular tribe and you take it hook, line, and sinker, what does that say about your mindset?
Focus on the right character, values, and someone whose attitude to life aligns with yours....If you keep evaluating things through tribal lenses, you will miss out on a lot and stay stuck in tunnel vision.....
All the best...
I don't think it's true, maybe in the olden days, but nowadays, many South East men marry outside their tribes without marrying another woman from their tribe, at least the ones I know of.
ReplyDeleteThat’s not true pls. I have Aunties from Osun and Benue states and they’ve been happily married in the family and are grandmothers now. My uncles didn’t marry another Igbo woman to add to their wives pls. Discuss your fears with your fiancé
ReplyDeleteUntil that ya friend marry him
ReplyDeleteLmao! No mind the bad belle friend.
DeletePoster your friend seems to be a bit jealous of you and your relationship
Exactly, I am from the west and I haven't hear or see anything close to that, the friend is lying with all the Yoruba and igbos wedding we are on social media.
DeleteIt is nor ttue.
ReplyDeleteSeek God for direction.
It's not true!
ReplyDeleteIf you are not Igbo then u are not Igbo,don't be deceive,you may never be accepted into the family..
ReplyDeleteBy the way do u understand Igbo?if not..hmmmm
That’s not true; it really comes down to the individual. I know Igbos who are married to non-Nigerians and are still happily married. As E.C. pointed out, some people place a high value on having male children, which might explain cases where a second wife is involved (though I haven’t personally met anyone in that situation). In the cases I know, those who married non-Nigerians had only daughters, and everything is just fine. Like I said, it’s ultimately an individual choice
Delete@ Sharon, you think this thing you said if it's true only applies to Igbos?was it not in your presence that someone with an Igbo mum was campaigned against in Lagos last election that he's not a full Yoruba?stop making such blanket statements, bigotry is present in every tribe,even in yours.
DeleteMrs Sharon that's so not true.
DeleteMy elder brother married a northern and doesn't have the intention of marrying another wife. We love and treat her as one of us even though she doesn't understand or speaks igbo.
Poster take this comment with a pinch of salt. Look at nwanyi Ocha on instagram did her husband marry another Igbo woman? I’m from Abia state and my brother is married to a woman from osun state and they are happily married.
DeleteMarriage is not by tribe. Marry your own. Once you marry your soulmate you won’t remember that you don’t come from his tribe. This is how people give wrong advice and at the end of the day someone would lose their God ordained husband.
Sharon don't say what you don't know.
DeleteBetter listen to voice of reasoning if he is not born again ,not christian but born again better look for another person
ReplyDeleteAsk your fiancee what is OSU caste and how do Igbo treat OSu's yours will be worse than that
ReplyDeleteJesus!!. What is this please. How can you stay at a corner and judge a whole tribe?
DeleteHow did OSU enter this discussion now ehn they are saying another thing you are saying a different thing imisi brother.
DeleteOsu entered because it is a fact that some Igbo who are very willing to marry outside are Osu. You guys may argue against the assertion, but you know the truth. And before you argue, note "some" is used on purpose.
DeleteYou obviously aren't ready to marry to be reacting to nonsense. Peace ✌️
ReplyDeleteIt's before. Love and enlightening changed most traditional practices. Love is a powerful force.
ReplyDeleteAll inter tribal marriage has similar issues regardless of tribe.
ReplyDeleteI am Igbo married to a bini girl for over a decade now, no issues which is why I get worry when I hear stereotypes about Igbos not wanting to marry outside.
All tribes in Nigeria wants to marry their own tribe from north to south, it is not just an Igbo thing.
Your last sentence is so true.
DeleteIt's a lie, and you should be sure, that his family accepts you wholeheartedly, if not...
ReplyDeleteJust have a discussion about your future with this man, cause marriage isn't a joke.
I am Yoruba and my husband is from the East, check the family and you will answer the question your self. My husband’s uncle’s wife is Yoruba and they don’t even have a child and he didn’t marry another person and they are in their late sixties.
ReplyDeleteHow do you know it is altar bound if he hasn’t proposed?.
Just be humble and they will love you, they don’t joke with families so you must be accommodating and have big pots for large cooking lol.
You will be fine by God’s grace once you have kids and stay away from their family issues, sibling fights, land issues etc.
This is what I can tell my sister that I am telling you and please try to have your own money, not because of your husband but, because of see finish from his family members
It is true and it is also not true
ReplyDeleteLol
It's a lie. A big one
ReplyDeleteMy dad (a proper Igbo man) married only my mom (Edo lady) for over 40 years until they both departed this world.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I can tell you about my Igbo people is that they value having male children very much. If there is no male child, it can bring problems . But not problems as a result of tribe, rather because of not having male child.
That been said, everything depends on the individual and the family that raise him. DO YOUR SECRET INVESTIGATION ON HIM AND HIS FAMILY.
Learn how to cook ofe onugbo, ofe oha, ofe egusi., yam porridge, isi ewu, nkwobi.
ReplyDeleteLearn how to speak Igbo. That will enable you communicate when you go for August meetings because they don’t speak English there. So you won’t say they are talking about you.
Treat your in-laws like family. Don’t say “I don’t want to see anyone in my house” because they will be coming uninvited. Have a spare room and buy a big mattress that people can sleep on when a lot of people come at the same time. Because one of igbos motto is “Onye aghala nwanne ya”.
They igbos have brotherly relationship with themselves, no matter where they see themselves.
When we went for my brother’ s congregation in England 15 years ago, we lodged in 3 different hotel rooms because we were 8 members of our family that came for the occasion. So we were going from one person’s room to the other. So we were speaking Igbo on the corridor to the hearing of most people there.
One morning, a young cute lad came and knocked on our door, when we opened, he asked us to please borrow him toothpaste in Igbo that he forgot to buy. That he came because he heard us speaking Igbo. My brother gave him the toothpaste and asked him to keep it for good. That is the spirit of “onye aghala nwanne ya.”
Igbos are family oriented and no wife can come between them. Don’t listen to anyone that tell you otherwise. Igbo men are very fond of their mum and sisters.
I wish you good luck.
Onye aghala nwanne ya (do not forsake your brother/sister, no matter what.
DeleteNwanne di na mba. ( you can find a family abroad).
Nwanne amaka ( brother/sister is so lovely).
Na so
DeleteThat your friend is envious of you because if truly she is from the East she should know that she is lying
ReplyDeleteProbably she wants to replace you. Shine your eyes 👀
Listening to dem say dem say ba ?
ReplyDeleteBy now you should know whom you are with and what he is capable of doing. Somethings should not be tribal based. There are many successful intertribal marriages out there. If you're not too comfortable nothing stops you from finding out from him.
All I can say. Is, wait till he proposes. If he does and you lone him, say yes. You will not regret it.
ReplyDeleteNB: Apologies for my long comment.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
This is one of those situations where gist stirs fear - and if you’re not careful, someone else’s paranoia will end up rewriting your love story. Social conditioning has a subtle way of planting doubts that grow into full-blown intercultural panic.
From your narrative, the real issue doesn’t lie with his tribe. It lies in the relationship’s foundation. What you’ve described suggests a lack of trust, poor communication, emotional insecurity, external influence overpowering your internal discernment, and possibly unresolved trauma shaped by societal narratives you've allowed to define your perspective. That’s a cocktail no serious relationship should be drinking, especially one you're calling “altar-bound.”
At this stage, you both should have already cleared the air on things like cultural values, future expectations, and family dynamics. Difficult conversations, just like genotype checks, are non-negotiable. If you're afraid to ask critical questions now, then the relationship isn’t ready for marriage. Period. Marriage, I mean - real, lasting marriage - isn’t built on fear, tribal hearsay, or emotional guesswork and framed assumptions. But on aligned values.
Too many people walk blindly into marriage, carrying fears planted by those who have no stake in their lives. You’re talking marriage, but obsessing over his tribe’s reputation instead of understanding his personal values, family heritage, and emotional convictions? Is he conditioned by culture and tradition, or liberal minded? Do you see things in similar ways?
If your peace in this relationship depends on a rumour, then your relationship lacks the clarity it needs to thrive. You cannot build forever on assumptions. It’s not about whether he’s Igbo or you’re Yoruba - it’s about whether you both are aligned in truth, transparency, and trust. No tribe has a monopoly on loyalty or betrayal. That’s human nature - not a cultural blueprint.
Marriage is not a tribal merger either. It is a personal covenant between two emotionally mature individuals who choose each other daily - based not on inherited myths, but on shared truth. If someone is wired to double-date their destiny, they’ll do it whether you're from their hometown or from Canberra, or Venice.
Stop letting someone else's biased bitterness become your compass. Ask, listen, and decide. Protect your joy, because peace of mind will always speak louder than the distractions of tribal noise. Some of my older male cousins and Uncles, like me, are from Imo, and they married intertribally - Plateau, Christian Fulani, Agbor, Tiv, and Yoruba (Osun, Ekiti, and Lagos). With the least of these marriages being 22 years and the oldest over 50 years, without tribal bigotry whatsoever.
It depends on the individual and also , if you don't have much to offer, he will likely get another wife, just like; it's better to marry someone from his tribe has nothing meaningful to offer, than settle forever with someone from a distance that has nothing meaningful to offer. If you eventually Mary him, ensure you build yourself economically, if you do so, you will be his pride. He will so boast about you, comparing you to his friends that married within, that their wives cannot mach you .
ReplyDeleteIf he wasn't born and bred in his region of origin, there is a high chance that he won't think of getting a woman from his tribe like the others do.
All these things are peer pressure, he many not be thinking about getting another wive but when his friends taunt him for marrying someone from another tribe that doesn't have anything special thing to offer, he may want to reconsider out of shame, just to prove to the guys and to also shut them up. you know how guys behave with their ego, they don't like people under rating them
This actually applies to any tribe in Naija and even any race. I know Igbo men who married outside their tribe and their marriages are thriving. A lot depends on the man and how genuyine he is and how firm he is with drawing, maintaining and defending his boundaries. Learn as much as you can about their ways but don't be over familiar and avoid see finish.
ReplyDeleteIt all depends on the couple.
DeleteMake una free men on this blog.
A bad wife will make a man family think the man would have had it better if he married from his tribe. A bad man would make the woman think it would have been the best if she married from her village or home town.
That said, there is a default behaviour of peoples of all tribes. Only self education and personal decisional reprogramming change members of each tribe.
Successful inter-tribal marriage only occurs with people who have reprogrammed themselves from their tribal default setting.
So, the Poster has her own side. Has she deprogrammed herself from being a Yoruba woman? Let us start from the simple. How comfortable would she be in padded blouses and two wrappers instead of the plain buba and one wrapper on a Yoruba woman. See?
Is a lie . Not true.
ReplyDeleteI'm from igbo. I have uncles that have married outside. They never married another. I strongly doubt this
ReplyDeleteHmmm, Don't listen to anyone, listen to him, his subtle words, his discussions with his mates, his discussions about you with others especially about your tribe. Why are you having doubts? My advice is this, let him do all he is supposed to do to marry you properly, don't add your money to anything about the marriage.listen to your heart True love conquers all
ReplyDeleteYeye man na yeye man
DeleteWhether she adds her money or not
What yeye man and or his family want to do, they do.
How do you know it is altar headed if he hasn’t proposed?
ReplyDeletePoster, investigate the man and his family well, well.
ReplyDeleteAbove all, it would be good if your family is a match or more to his family all round.
What you were told is true with some families across tribes, and is very true with the Igbo. Repeat, very true with the Igbo. A female from my family is facing or faced the mentioned challenge in her marriage to an Igbo man.
Read up there. There is a comment saying it is true and it is not true. That comment says it all.
Leave all the denials alone. They are mainly from Igbo female Bvs on this blog.
I don’t think it’s true. I am not Igbo and have been happily married to an Igbo guy for about 30 years. We only have daughters self. And at least I don’t know of him having children outside. It’s not about the tribe but about the individual.
ReplyDeleteYour only worries should be his family, if they love and accept you then you can marry him.
ReplyDeleteStella you say what?. Yoruba and igbos are joined at the hip forever oo
ReplyDelete