SISTER OR MOTHER
I am suspecting that my elder sister is my mother.....
I know that elder sister's are generally caring and selfless but her affection towards me is times 10. She has so much influence in my life more than our parents.
She has always been involved in every area of my life from my education to my personal life. She decided the schools I attended. How I dress and the kind of friends I keep.
She makes sure I lack nothing and she provides everything for me. She gives me monthly allowance which I don't spend much because she still covers my other expenses.
Does she love me more because I am the last sibling out of 4 siblings? Or she loves me more because I am her son? The thing is I look so much like her and she has always told me I have her brain.
I have done the maths and it's not adding up. She's 20 years older than me. Between she and my other siblings they are just 4 years apart. While me, I'm beginning to look like their nephew rather than their sibling. And my parents are beginning to look like my grandparents.
Anytime she comes to visit me in school, people will always tell me your mother is around. And I don't even bother to correct them because deep down I feel she is my mother!
I am just a 17 years old boy that wants to know the truth about his life. I don't know how long I would have to wait for the truth to come out.
What do i do?
Be Patient, you are still young. When she feels you are old enough and mature enough to handle the truth, she will tell you...
She must have had you when she was still quite young...Let her tell you when she is ready
You can ask her.
ReplyDeleteMeaning she was 20 when she had you .what's wrong with 20yr old giving birth? She's old enough na .this African mentality ehnn
ReplyDeleteJust know that she gave birth to you and she is trying hard to play her role in your life efficiently.
ReplyDeleteGive her the courtesy to tell you the truth herself or you call her mum when you are in private. It might make it easier for her to open up .
Kid please stop inputing headache in your head and concentrate on your studies.
ReplyDeleteMy kid Brother too is just like the same scenario as yours, as we didn't expect another junior in the house.
Or if you really want to know, just wait till when Elders in your village they share meat, do small mistake go put hand dere make you hear the truth.
Dodo.
When I was in final year in the university my classmate's mother gave birth. My classmate's two elder sisters were married with kids.
DeleteDo with this information what you want poster.
I de go far sef, my aunty's last born is younger than two of her nephews. As in nephews senior "aunty".
You may be your "sister's" kid but your logic no gel.
Dear poster, just as Stella stated, at the right time, the truth will be made known. Just give it time.
ReplyDeleteEven with your assumption that she may be your mother, I'm glad that she loves you dearly and seizes every opportunity to show it.
You are lucky. Some mothers who had their wards at a tender age usually pour their frustration on them.
So, whether as a sibling or a mother, be grateful for the love shown you, as you await the "grand revelation" in the near future (if there is).
One day she will tell you.She already doing her duties in your life.
ReplyDeleteI think you should just go with the flow, Until she summons the courage to tell you ok. She might be your mum, So give her time, and maybe try 0getting closer to her, make her feel comfortable, tell her about school, your friends, your latest sport activities, if you engage in that, And who knows, one day, she will spill.
ReplyDeleteBut for now,stop bothering yourself and enjoy your teenage yrs.
Time is short and nobody knows the day when there will be no more. If you have the mental and emotional maturity to handle the answer then ask her aside, privately if she is more than a sister to you. Every family has secrets, it’s just that some are darker than others.
ReplyDeleteIf she admits it then be man enough to keep her confession to yourself until she feels free to openly tell it to all. Maybe some of the other siblings, even aunts and uncles may not even know, so when a big revelation is made in confidence you must have the maturity to handle it with care and understand the significance of keeping it in trust for that person. Secrets are heavy burdens to carry and you better know what you’re getting into and know that it takes great strength to shoulder that burden with another. Decide if you are mentally and emotionally ready before you ask, be honest with yourself.
The best way to know the truth is to call your supposed parents, as grandparents, in front of everyone and watch them react in shock.
ReplyDeleteJust wait and let her tell you the truth at her own convenience time, you don't know the story behind your birth, maybe she wants to heal and also wants you to be matured before she pour out her mind to you.
ReplyDeleteIt might not be true poster because I am also 20yrs older than our last born and I love her so much, I also saw her through school upto university level, so she might be your sister relax and don't give yourself unnecessary headache
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteYou are indeed a well-grounded 17 year old who needs clarity and well explained...I am impressed with your trail of thoughts and putting this plain and simple...... It makes sense that you feel confused on one hand, your “sister” shows you unusual love and responsibility, but on the other hand the age gap, family dynamics, and resemblance raise doubts in your heart......Know that what you asked is natural and never dismiss your feelings about this.....
1. Ask her gently in a teasing manner; don't confront...You can say something like ''Big Sister, Sometimes, people call you my mum, and deep down I wonder if it’s true.... and we look so much alike. Wait for her reaction and study her body language. Her reaction will give you clues.
2. If you are still unsure, you can ask your parents using the same scenario in Number 1 and hear them out.
3. Also know the care does not proof she is your mother. In the Nigerian settings, first borns are often seen as ‘Second parents’’. However, your concerns are valid but approach this with calmness and with respect.
Whatever the truth is, her love for you is real. That is a gift many people don’t have…….Seeking answers is your right, but don’t lose sight of the fact that you are deeply cared for.
All the best
Calm down. She may not be your mom. I have a niece that I dot on. She calls me mom,I pay her feels and makes all the major decisions in her life, meanwhile her real mom is my younger sis who had her while in secondary school.Need I tell you that her real mom is gallivanting about and enjoying the position of an "aunty".
ReplyDeleteWhat am I even saying self?
Ask questions but she may not be your mom,she may be your elder sis.
Did I tell you I love my niece to bits
i took up that responsibility bcos my mom is late.
Awww so sweet. Ask her. You are old enough now
ReplyDeleteYour instincts are correct.
ReplyDeleteThe age gap between our last born and I is 18years Mumsy birthed her when I was leaving secondary school
ReplyDeleteThe age gap between my immediate younger and I is 9 months
Should our last born think I birthed her because I’m involved involved in her life and want the best for her
Boy don’t get ahead of yourself
She may or may not be your mom
she may not be your mother or she may be, give her some time till you become 18 years. At that time you should be matured enough to handle the truth. Be happy that she is taking care of you, if anyone calls her your mother please accept it and be proud of her as a mother because she is doing well. Is not easy for her to have kept the truth away from you till this day, if she is not your mother no issues too. Just enjoy all the love, care, attention now and do not stress your head over it When the time is right, she will tell you everything.
ReplyDeleteMy brother just enjoy the love ooo. If you learn that she is your mother and the real circumstances of your birth, if indeed she is really not your sister, will that change anything in your life significantly? Sometimes there is no need to rock the boat. Once you become a full adult you can respectfully ask her directly. You can also ask your parents, abi your suspected grand parents. You can ask them to gist you about the circumstances surrounding your birth. Like how it was for your mother to be pregnant, what hospital etc. My Mom used to willing gist us and tell us stories of such when we were growing up. My advice though, is don't overthink it and become all dramatic like some unwise selfish children.
DeleteShe cared for you as a baby so she sees you as her little one, i know that feeling
ReplyDeleteWith this reasoning; I think all my 3 younger siblings should call me their mum. Wheew!
ReplyDeleteIf you are are in doubt ask but ask your "grandmum." You are old enough. Don't leave things for later.
Poster relax. She could still be your sister. I am the oldest in my family. Everyone thought my two youngest siblings were my kids when we were growing up as the age gap was quite big. And my siblings call me mum. In fact I introduce them as my sons. My mama sef dey introduce me as their mother hahahah. We are so close and everyone knows that when it comes to my boys, I don't play. My parents call me regarding anything that concerns them. My boys all have children now and they introduce me as grandma mummy. There's a bond between oldest and youngest siblings that's so sweet. My mama dey joke say she born dem and then hand them over to their real mama. Thank God for a caring sister. And if you still suspect she"s your mom, find. a quiet moment and ask her. God bless you both.
ReplyDeletePoster, your suspicion is not unfounded. Age gaps can be explained, yes, but the depth of responsibility your sister carries is far from typical sibling behaviour. No matter how caring a sister may be, the role she plays in your life feels more like maternal authority - especially since your parents appear to stay in the background. That silence alone suggests there may be more truth hidden beneath the surface.
ReplyDeleteFrom what you described, she has practically replaced your parents in every aspect of your life. Still, suspicion is not proof. At 17, you are old enough to know the truth, but rather than demanding it outright, you may sometimes test the waters - carelessly but respectfully - with words that reveal the reactions of those around you. Truth does not disappear; it waits quietly until someone finds the courage to call it out.
You are right to question, for a man must know where he comes from to know where he is going. Yet, do not let suspicion poison love. It is possible to be torn between gratitude for her devotion and the ache of uncertainty over your identity without allowing bitterness to take root.
And whatever truth eventually emerges, remember that blood matters less than the love that raised and shaped you.
Please enjoy all the love she is giving u, time will definitely reveal if she is your mum or not....
ReplyDeleteShe's definitely your mum. She'll tell you when the time is right
ReplyDeleteNa so una go dey find problem where problem no Dey. Enjoy your life whether she’s your mom or your sister pls. If she is you’ll find out and if not you go still find out.
ReplyDelete...what I am experiencing myself as a mother is that my first daughter who is in senior secondary...infact almost out of secondary school, is always dragging my baby with me, always calling him my son....there is nothing she won't do to take care of our 1 year old baby...RELAX, IT IS EITHER WAYS, DONT DISTURB YOURSELF TOO MUCH, THE TRUTH WILL BE OUT LATER
ReplyDelete