TIRED
I am so angry right now. I don't know the kind of man I married...
We lack communication in this marriage.
He stays in another state while I and the kids stay alone in this this compound. He gave me money to start a business but since I started that business we have been eating, buy medical and paying Nepa bills from the business that is not up to 300k.
My last baby is a year and 9 months, my husband is a salary earner he has collected his salary for september month, just yesterday my daughter was crying telling me I always give them garri and soup every night that she is tired.
I gave her my phone to call her dad and what my husband could send was 5k for 3 children and i, I didn't sleep well last night i am tired.
What kind of woman are you? YOUR HUSBAND IS A SALARY EARNER!!!....Do you want him to go and steal to please you? He opened a small business for you to manage and you cannot manage? your daughter is tired of eating eba and soup? The money you are using for the eba and soup, why not use it for something else to eat? why are you poisoning the kids mind on what to eat? Please continue managing according how your man earns salary...if you both lack communication, then try to talk to him......Or does your husband have a second wife where he lives? or a baby mama?
Stella she says they have 3 kids o, not like she’s feeding only her mouth.
ReplyDeleteYou dey mind Stella? She said they feed,buy meds and pay for electricity from it and you expect her not to complain? A family mam who sends 5k and you think that's normal??
DeleteMan*
DeleteStella, starting a business with 300k and feeding 3 mouths from it will run down the business. As a salary earner, he should at least send a tangible sum, maybe 20k every month and the wife will support him. Madam Stella, this your advice no follow please, Nigeria is too tight now, that business won't grow if they continue eating from it.
DeleteI have the same situation. wife complaining of dropping little for home keeping when she knows my salary. she has her own business. but her money is her own while my money is for the family. i am tired
ReplyDeleteTired of what? Go and hustle more
DeleteHow can you give your wife with kids 5k out of your salary? How? Is your salary not up to 100k, so out of 100k it's enough to only bring out 5k for the family?
DeleteIf the man thinks she her wife is not trying in her charcoal business, he should quit his salary earneing job of low income and start off a business let's see how well his hands are good in business.
DeleteKai!
ReplyDeleteStella, this one no follow abeg!
Poster didn't state the kind of bizness she is involved in.
A lot of businesses have gone under, many more are struggling to survive.
Even BVs here that have collected same amount or more of that here still come back for more.
You said nothing but the truth
DeleteSmall business ppl are feeling it in many sectors. Only some are still out here doing spurge shopping. Many folks just spending on their needs these day. Sometime last year I was at the Walmart and this older woman ahead of me was giving back a bag of chips, just a potato chips snack because she had to focus on her needs in that moment and the bag of chips would take her out of her budget. Even those who used to depend on remittances from abroad are not getting as much and in some instances it has completely stopped due to the higher cost of living. ICE-cold raids got some ppl afraid to work and so many immigrants are having a tough time getting employment in their new places of residence. It is heartbreaking to see some things these days.
DeleteStella is just being harsh unnecessarily......you don't know how Nigeria of today is....speaking from a place of comfort, can't let you understand her pains.....
DeleteStella is just being unnecessarily harsh....the problem is that you can't relate with Nigerias problem at present
DeleteMadam when next he visits, sit him down and talk to him..
ReplyDeleteAs for the business, add other things to it to increase the income, things like home made drinks like kunu, zobo, tigernut drink, cooking ingredients like pepper, vegetables, tomatoes, onions, foodstuff like rice, beans, garri, salt, Maggi, etc also move well. When next he gives you money , instead of using it to buy food for consumption, start adding the above listed to whatever you sell.
Single mums and widows survive with their kids, ignore him and manage whatever he gives you. Your kids are seeing all that is happening. Tomorrow is pregnant..
This woman needs to be productive and stop complaining.
ReplyDeleteHe opened a business for you to help assist the family, and instead you rant up and down with all kinds of silly excuses.
Better stop poisoning those innocent kids against their Father.
Dodo.
We have business in business.
DeleteShe didn't tell us the category she belong to but from her narrative, her husband needs to be supporting her.
That was how my daughter complained of that eba and soup @night. I waek shah but promise them to manage that things will be OK soon.
Abegi
DeleteWhat part of the money will remain if she keeps removing from there to feed the kids. Paying nepa bill food and medical from 300k business. Think am na
Poster, the truth is that things are hard almost everywhere.
ReplyDeleteYou need to speak to your husband that the money is not enough.
Endeavor to try other meals within ur reach for your kids.
Lastly I say this with every iota of respect, stop birthing for now or STOP.
You need to speak to your husband o probably as you haven't spoken up, he assumes you got it figured out.
You didn't state what kind of job ur husband does or probably his salary range but I can tell you for free that for most salary earners, the salary doesn't even take them to the bus stop again, talk more of taking them home.
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how exhausting and overwhelming this season must feel for you....Truly, many families are struggling right now in Nigeria, and it takes a lot of strength to keep things going for your children.....Your frustration is valid....
That said, involving your daughter in expressing this to her father may not bring the result you hoped for....It could cause more tension between you and him.....A better approach would be for you to have that conversation with him directly, in a calm moment.....
Please also help your children understand contentment.....Encourage them to appreciate what you’re able to provide for now, while you remain creative in preparing meals.....Many people can’t even afford a daily meal, so even small adjustments in variety can make a difference.....
I know your husband has tried by setting you up in business......Maybe you could look into fast-moving items that might bring in quick sales.....If possible, also explore side jobs or opportunities that can augment the income from your current trade..... If you have not already done so, give him a clear account of how the money is being used and why it isn’t enough for the family’s needs.....
When next you speak with your husband, try to start with warmth; apologize for how the last conversation went, then genuinely ask how he is doing and if he has any plans to come back to your current state of residence..... Be his peace, while also letting him know the children’s needs..... If you approach him from a place of calm rather than frustration, he may be more open to support you better......
I wish you wisdom, strength, and tact in managing this situation..... May you find peace and practical solutions that ease your burden......
All the best......
Am at his place right now, he invited me over. I was just depressed at of that time, my husband is a good man. His quietness is killing me.
DeleteYou're at his place right now collecting gbola abi ?you better take postinor if you like birth the 4th one the money for feeding will still come out of your business
DeleteAnon 18.17, no mind am. No be the food dey worry am, na lack of gbola be her main frustration. Hear am na "my husband is a good man"
DeletePOSTER
DeleteThis baby is the last. Thank you.
Poster I understand your pain. What's 5k in this economy to feed 3children? And what is 300k to start a business you are feeding from and paying bills from? I went to the market on Friday to buy few food stuff and I spent 30k just for I alone. what I came home with is almost finished.
ReplyDeleteYou need to talk to your husband. If he doesn't have time to stay on phone call with you, write a long epistle message to him detailing daily feeding list and the amount. From your end also, I will suggest you venture into foodstuffs business that has high profit rate.
I am the poster.i sell charcoal and I also do Pos, I paid for the land where I parked my charcoal while I and children will stay in my neighbor's shop to do my Pos and sample my charcoal their. Am still planning of roofing the land but there is no enough money now.
DeleteYou will give some people 300k and they will turn it around. The kids are both yours not your husband alone. If the man runs to meet sugar mummy, you will be complaining. Go and learn how to make nice moi moi and be selling to people , learn how to make pap and agidi. A lot you can do with 300k.
DeleteYou knew your hubby was a salary earner yet you pumped out three kids with good means of taking care of them.
So because he is a salary earner 3kids is now too much, you are very stupid for that.
Delete@16.29 oh please!
DeleteHas she not turned it around enough? Someone who is raising 3 kids on a business of 300k is trying Abeg! In this present economy? You want them to chop the capital of the business?
Poster don’t let anybody make you feel like you are not doing enough, you dey try!
POSTER
DeleteThank you jari
16: 29 so you have given her assurance that moimoi will yeild her more profit than charcoal? People!
DeleteThis is potato season . Even yam is not too costly.
ReplyDeleteFry potatoes and sauce at night .
Give them eba and soup at noon.
They are children and will definitely want variety plus they watch movies and want to explore their fantasy.
You should improvise with food. Make it colourful. Make moimoi with 1 derica and pap for dinner .
Don't be tired. Pray for your husband always. Nothing dey outside.
Does he give you a portion of his salary every month? If he does, then augment it with proceeds from the business and manage your home with it. (If he doesn't drop any money at all by the end of each month, then it's wrong and your complaint is valid.)
ReplyDeleteYou didn't mention if he pays the house rent. School fees. Utility bills etc. since he's a salary earner. If he doesn't plan it, How will he meet up all these expenses?
Do you know staying in two different cities means also more expenses? He will have to pay for double house rent. Utility bills, food etc.
Almost everyone is managing in Nigeria right now.
You should also understand that he might be going through his own (both financial and mental ) stress too, and you are not there emotionally to help relief him.
While you look at his many faults, try look at yours too. Try be a wife. A support system, a friend, gist partner etc to your husband. Do you know the stress he goes through at work, the daily and career challenges he faces. His fears and insecurities, his dissatisfactions in life? You have to be that woman he can trust with all these info. That one he can confide in unashamedly and trust enough to be vulnerable around.
Marriage is far more than breeding children. It's companionship, friendship, togetherness etc. And a man has many needs too. How many are you meeting?
Your conversation should not always be about needing or collecting money.
Try to bring the change you desire in your marriage back. The spark. The love. Try be that woman he wants.
Go get simple plans to feed your children. Garri and soup for dinner is not because of poverty, but lack of proper planning. Souls don't come cheap these days. So it's your inefficiency in meal planning. It's way cheaper to eat spaghetti than garri and soup.
If your business fails too, it's your lack of discipline and unseriousness. The purpose he opened it for you. Is to help relieve the financial burden. Not for it to be status quo.
Look onward. Take a pen and paper and start listing where you have failed, so you can make adjustments. Let the change begin from you.
Lastly, lack of communication and what your complaint in here, are two different things. Understand both Nd do the needful.
And stop looking at other families. Be contented with what you have and try make the best of it. While you stay praying to God to open bigger doors for you both, instead of this resentment you are building
Thank you for your advice. Sometimes staying alone can make one fall into depression , I will adjust. And yes he pays the school fees, and also house rent.
DeleteThanks for this write up, I also learnt from it.
DeleteThe Lord is your strength Poster. It is not easy at all to stay alone.
DeleteIt's well with you ma. God will help us all
DeleteSo he pays all this and you're still complaining he gave you 5k . Some of you women will kpai your husband's with bills . Tueehh
DeleteWow HF, you finished work here. Thanks for this
DeleteProv 21:9
ReplyDeleteIt is better to live in a corner of the housetop [on the flat roof, exposed to the weather] Than in a house shared with a quarrelsome (contentious) woman.
To every young man out there reading this, I want you to read this carefully.
There is a reason why I always maintain that never marry a liability and keep at home in the name of love. A woman who is not doing anything, has not proven herself to be resourceful as a single lady is not a woman who can bring increase to your home. You marry that kind of woman, you fashion a weapon against yourself.
Her daughter mentioned that she was tired of a particular meal and what did she do? She placed a call to the father. What did she plan to achieve with that call? Poison the heart of a child against her father. A woman operating with wisdom would have handled the matter in a more dignifying way.
A woman whose head cannot carry your vision has no business birthing your child! Husband has given her money for business. She can't multiply it in anyway but considers it too small to be of use. OP's husband can't communicate with her because he wants to avoid the negativity she comes with.
If she is tired, let her go out and prove herself just like countless women out there that are pillars in their homes.
You are tired. Tire kee you dia. Rubbish!
Foolish man, go and get married let see.
DeleteStella, sometimes, your comments wonders.
ReplyDeleteA married woman is expected to work or trade to feed herself and HER children?
Children, if there is any marital aggro, she will claim as HERS?
So what is the purpose of marriage by a mentally capable and an able bodied woman?
Is it not to be fed for life by a man?
Don't mind Stella with her words.
DeleteThe purpose of marriage is to be fed for life by a man? What the ever loving f*CK!
DeleteIs it this brain you cross the road with?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm. A lot is happening in your life. Husband and you living apart, finances are tight, good nutrition in variety does not exist. Do you know how much your husband makes? Seek spiritual guidance and find a way to improve the business to bring in more income. You seem stressed out and tired, find ways to calm yourself and be at peace in the storm so you can be in good mental health.
ReplyDeleteEven once a week make a dinner that a child would love. Children sometimes fancy some simple things that are tasty. Explore culinary options, not always Naija foods, sometimes something different that appeals to them. There are other low budget meals you can cook, just be more creative and open to learning new things. No matter what, you are still their mother they are looking at you for guidance and direction in life. Remember they are children and they are new to the earth, do your best to make their childhood to be of happy memories as a family.
Whatever you do, make sure you use contraception.
The poster, thank you for you understanding. We are done birthing.
DeleteBusiness that the capital is not up to 300k will generate how much monthly? Can that business generate up to 70k monthly.
ReplyDeleteHow much is feeding for 4 persons..
Send the older children to go live with their father.
All these lazy men will open business for women and expect them to carry all the financial burden untop 300k business not 5m business o
She is in charcoal business and pos. These businesses are not dripping in money. Even the charcoal business if she is burning her own charcoal is back breaking working. I really hope that she finds something more lucrative and that allows for good quality of life with ample family time.
DeleteAs in ehn! Some comment just leave me weak! I don’t know how poster is managing walahi! Only for some people here to berate her like she’s a wastrel.
DeleteSee that doggety up there talking all the rubbish in his mouth. I no just want vex.
Stella your comments sometimes are harsh and not reflective of present realities. Anyway…
A small business of #300k carrying load of 3 kids plus self can never survive in this current Nigerian economy. The woman must really be tried!
ReplyDeleteNnaa eeh,Stella if u see how this your advice is peppering my entire being eh na wa. Be that as it may, it's your opinion.
ReplyDeleteUnless that biz de move mkt 24/7, if not, it'll collapse and the man will say she squandered the money. Any biz that bears that kind of burden doesn't last. I won't even be surprised if some chik somewhere is helping oga manage him salary. Me alone knows how much I spend weekly even on very tight burgert,talk More of kids who may be voracious. Oga no de try walahi.
Go kill him and eat him na ekwensu
DeleteYou all should go and live together. Paying rent in two places is not easy in this economy.
ReplyDeleteGod forbid Madam, supposedly your husband is not in the picture, wont you feed your kids again or manage yourself in running things??
ReplyDeleteIt' s tough out there agreed, but dont keep waiting for oga before hypertion do perso something o.
Why have these children you people cant cater to. You as adults can barely cater to yourselves. Must you born? Must you born at the time you did? Why didnt you hustle as a single or married woman before children to start your own business and save money before bring children to this world? Women suffering will marry men suffering, tomorrow when the men make it while the women are on SM ranting and complaining, she will claim she suffered with the man. How are you suffering with your husband now. Is it by sending this chronicle? You are simply a burden to him. Period. You suffered with your parents, and suffered alone too, now you are simply suffering with your children. Madam you are old enough to cater to yourself. Close your legs tight. Go get a job or/and focus on your business.
ReplyDeleteIt's well with you poster, poster !taking care of 3kids is much already,I could have advised you to start a mama put business,that business is very lucrative! You won't regret it.
ReplyDeleteMake Dem kill the.man now since he has committed crime by getting married ,Awon iyawo blackmailer ;they pushed men into marriage and still blackmailed them into depression.Stella advice is the best
ReplyDeleteA woman with 3kids and husband will earn salary and just give 5,000 naira! Thats pure wickedness.
ReplyDeleteHow much is a loaf of bread 1,700
Sachet milo & milk 250 each multiply by 4.
Whatever business she is doing with 5,000 as monthly upkeep , her business will fail.
Salary earners has grade. Some salary earners are well to do financially, I don't know your husband's level in service. Is he among the ones that earn just 40k?
ReplyDeletePoster, do you wish to wear your husband down to an early grave? Too often women speak as if men are gods or genies with endless strength and fulfilling wishes. If you think the burden seems light, try carrying it yourself under
ReplyDeletethe same circumstances. Your husband, though limited, is doing what he can. Instead of complaints, meet the gaps with ingenuity.
Provider or not, a wife who truly appreciates and loves her dutiful man does not crush him with demands he cannot meet. If he were wealthy yet hoarding, your grievance would be just. But with an average salary, double rent and utilities, the load he bears is heavy already.
I shake my head when women tell men to go hustle more. What of her - can she not stretch herself too? By any means, hustling more is not gendered. Men already lose sleep over family needs; a wise wife lightens and adds strength, not more stings. Don’t become another weight on his chest.
Your real challenge is distance, weak communication, and shared strain. Plan better together. Give him grace. You’ll manage more than you think.
I'm glad he invited you over to talk. Cut the man some slacks.
Why don't you join your husband in the state he reside to save you some cost? Feeding 3 kids is not easy, your husband is also trying his possible best but you should be calming down.
ReplyDeleteSpeak to your husband about his attitude and plead that he assist you more.
I really hope you find a way to balance it up. You're doing your best with the little you have and I pray God continue to strengthen you
ReplyDeleteGiveaway chronicles in disguise and that's how they fleece stella. I remember one that got some money for her husband I think like 500k that how she disappeared till today. She must be here tho with a new id
ReplyDelete