A STORY WORTH READING
At 16years I was tired of my parents squabble( respectfully)
I honour and respect them God sees my heart But this is a story I am telling anonymously and I mean no disrespect.
I was so tired of their issues
My dad was cheating and he was harassing her...
One day I snapped ,I had finished Ss3 and was waiting for jamb
My dad wanted to hit me but he was shocked at how much bitterness and pain I carried inside
I told my mother to divorce him. I told her I prefer her people. I told her it didn’t matter whatever came up. I told her we will struggle our way through.
My mom said one thing to me,she’s Igbo she said will we stop eating coco yam because coco yam scratches...
That was all
She stayed....
My dad had kids with other women
He fathered kids for a married woman living with her husband
It was messy
One night they fought
I ran with lamp/lantern to go call my uncle from the next street
It was shameful
I went to uni and didn’t want to return
I followed my friends to their homes,anything else but go home
I squatted I was hungry I was in pain
Later he stopped
Miracle
A pastor came and prayed,gave him water fetched in our house,from our tap to drink,just a glass he drank.
He didn’t add anything inside
He just prayed and that was it
Just like that
All the outside runs stopped
Midnight waka stopped
Everything stopped
I had a home
I got married
I lived together with my siblings
I got better
I had peace
My siblings too
We had a father figure
The mockery and sneering stopped
It was hallelujah and still is
I’m in my 40s and people still come for marriage advice.
My father is now a father figure to many families
Both my dad and mom have awards of several sorts
Many marriages have been healed
Many homes have been restored through them
I’m so proud of them
I’m ever so happy
But…….
There’s a pain in my mother's heart
Whenever she shares her story it’s with tears
She hasn’t fully healed (in my opinion)
She hasn’t fully forgiven him
Something shifted in her
She’s steel inside
She cares for him but not really in the way of love
She cares for him as duty,as responsibility
She does her best
She goes the extra mile
She never raises her voice or disrespects him
But…..
Naaaaah
Something is shaa not the way it was
She will never cheat,has never and will never But she sees him and places hm differently.
I was married
I loved him sooo
I still do but I left
I won’t be my mother
I won’t bear pain for myself
I won’t bear pain for him
I won’t bear pain for my children
I love them
I love him
I love me
But I’m not that strong
I’ve seen what that strength did
I’ve seen how it shapes people
I warned my ex
I told him but he didn’t hear
No he heard he didn’t think a woman that loves him so deeply will wake up and walk away..
I still hurt
But naaaah I’m not ever going to repeat cycle
I want a whole me
I want a solid emotional life
Today my dad is healthy
My mom is sick
Emotional troubles
Smiling and shouldering burdens
I don’t want it
Life is different for everybody
Mine I chose peace
I will choose peace tomorrow, yesterday and tomorrow
I will choose me
Today my ex wants me back
I gave him 17 years of my life
I knew when the journey ended for me…
There’s a bridge I will never cross except God expressly drags me there.
So this is my story
I haven’t shared it to scare you
I hope you know to heal
I learnt from my mother
Never internalize pain
Emotional wounds hurts deeper and last longer
Hold your child close
Speak peace into her life
Protect her
You can stay for them
You do not need strangers validation
Do it for your child
You would be glad you did
But find yourself
Find your joy
Find your forgiveness
Find your peace
Fine your liberty
Don’t be a prisoner of yesterdays pain
I don’t have much time
I would have told you a story
Of a woman I know
My husbands mother
I wish you all the best
I wish you Gods healing
I wish you Gods comfort
You are not alone.
At 16years I was tired of my parents squabble( respectfully)
I honour and respect them God sees my heart But this is a story I am telling anonymously and I mean no disrespect.
I was so tired of their issues
My dad was cheating and he was harassing her...
One day I snapped ,I had finished Ss3 and was waiting for jamb
My dad wanted to hit me but he was shocked at how much bitterness and pain I carried inside
I told my mother to divorce him. I told her I prefer her people. I told her it didn’t matter whatever came up. I told her we will struggle our way through.
My mom said one thing to me,she’s Igbo she said will we stop eating coco yam because coco yam scratches...
That was all
She stayed....
My dad had kids with other women
He fathered kids for a married woman living with her husband
It was messy
One night they fought
I ran with lamp/lantern to go call my uncle from the next street
It was shameful
I went to uni and didn’t want to return
I followed my friends to their homes,anything else but go home
I squatted I was hungry I was in pain
Later he stopped
Miracle
A pastor came and prayed,gave him water fetched in our house,from our tap to drink,just a glass he drank.
He didn’t add anything inside
He just prayed and that was it
Just like that
All the outside runs stopped
Midnight waka stopped
Everything stopped
I had a home
I got married
I lived together with my siblings
I got better
I had peace
My siblings too
We had a father figure
The mockery and sneering stopped
It was hallelujah and still is
I’m in my 40s and people still come for marriage advice.
My father is now a father figure to many families
Both my dad and mom have awards of several sorts
Many marriages have been healed
Many homes have been restored through them
I’m so proud of them
I’m ever so happy
But…….
There’s a pain in my mother's heart
Whenever she shares her story it’s with tears
She hasn’t fully healed (in my opinion)
She hasn’t fully forgiven him
Something shifted in her
She’s steel inside
She cares for him but not really in the way of love
She cares for him as duty,as responsibility
She does her best
She goes the extra mile
She never raises her voice or disrespects him
But…..
Naaaaah
Something is shaa not the way it was
She will never cheat,has never and will never But she sees him and places hm differently.
I was married
I loved him sooo
I still do but I left
I won’t be my mother
I won’t bear pain for myself
I won’t bear pain for him
I won’t bear pain for my children
I love them
I love him
I love me
But I’m not that strong
I’ve seen what that strength did
I’ve seen how it shapes people
I warned my ex
I told him but he didn’t hear
No he heard he didn’t think a woman that loves him so deeply will wake up and walk away..
I still hurt
But naaaah I’m not ever going to repeat cycle
I want a whole me
I want a solid emotional life
Today my dad is healthy
My mom is sick
Emotional troubles
Smiling and shouldering burdens
I don’t want it
Life is different for everybody
Mine I chose peace
I will choose peace tomorrow, yesterday and tomorrow
I will choose me
Today my ex wants me back
I gave him 17 years of my life
I knew when the journey ended for me…
There’s a bridge I will never cross except God expressly drags me there.
So this is my story
I haven’t shared it to scare you
I hope you know to heal
I learnt from my mother
Never internalize pain
Emotional wounds hurts deeper and last longer
Hold your child close
Speak peace into her life
Protect her
You can stay for them
You do not need strangers validation
Do it for your child
You would be glad you did
But find yourself
Find your joy
Find your forgiveness
Find your peace
Fine your liberty
Don’t be a prisoner of yesterdays pain
I don’t have much time
I would have told you a story
Of a woman I know
My husbands mother
I wish you all the best
I wish you Gods healing
I wish you Gods comfort
You are not alone.
WOW.......Your story blew me away......Gave me goosebumps , entertained me and i learned a thing or two.....''NEVER INTERNALIZE PAIN''......that struck me!
Thank you for sharing this story. I pray that someone reads this and knows immediately what to do about their situation.
Oh BTW, this was a Chronicle posted as advice inside this Chronicle HERE, It had to be a stand alone.
Please pray for me. A lot is going on with me. My mental health is at stake. It has nothing to do with money please. This is my life, I am just sad , sad sad and discouraged. I am just suicidal really. Idk how much more I can take. Please God have mercy on me and help me.God please help me.
ReplyDeleteHello Anon, I reject suicide for you, Listen to me, everything you are passing through is just a matter of time, You will overcome it in Jesus Name. Amen, Remember that our father in heaven, has better plans for us all and suicide isn't a part of it. So pls hang on, and look to God, tell him , that you need his help, And he will help you.
DeleteAnd also, if you can see a therapist, Or anyone you can talk to, It's well with you dear.
May God grant you the strength to come out of the dark clouds. You shall arise like the phoenix and become alive all round. See beyond your weaknesses, see the light 🕯️ that will brighten your path if you don't give up.
Delete🤗 🤗 🤗 🫂 🫂 🫂
Suicide is never, will never be an option. No matter what is happening around you or to you please be happy. Be thankful to God because some persons are facing worst situations than you are facing. Do not allow anything to affect your mental health, time is all that you need and you will be alright, trust God and nothing that is too difficult for him to handle.
DeleteI have read the phrase many times 'leave to heal' implying that separation is synonymous with healing. This line makes me reflect "I still hurt
DeleteBut naaaah I’m not ever going to repeat same cycle"
Maybe we need to learn how to really heal after separation. Maybe we have become hypersensitive from observing our parents "mistakes", that we react more from fear of being hurt as our parents were. Maybe we are grieving the loss of intimate relationships, for what we once shared for more than a decade that can't be reciprocated in the way we deserve.
Sometimes we have to be honest with ourselves, people stay in marriage for various reasons, financial security, for the children, fear of being alone, companionship at old age, not knowing how to start all over after decades of being married. It doesn't mean they were stupid, or wrong it only means they acted based on their level of knowledge. Bitterness is a choice too, choosing to care for someone out of a sense of duty is a choice- serve in bitterness or serve joyfully or don't serve at all, it's all a choice.
Do what is best for you per time, and don't forget people do change (your dad was an example) it's therefore your choice to either learn to walk in love , maintain your separation to protect your emotions or choose to remember the hurt someone put you through in the past..do what serves you.
PCX
I thank the writer for sharing this with us. In all,one should chose their own peace. I learned long ago not to bottle up pain because life already throws enough at us.
ReplyDeleteI also learnt that emotional woulds can feel heavier that physical ones, so I refuse to let the pains of my past experiences chain me.
How did I find my peace? Knowing that yesterday's struggles don't own today.
Ron.
Never internailize pain , this is very true .
ReplyDeleteIm happy you're self aware but keep seeking God.
Thank you so much for your kind words. This touched me so much. This is me right now, But I'm grateful to God for everything.
ReplyDeleteThis is for those that always say I can't leave a cheating man or a man for the sake of my kids. Think about tomorrow. You can still have the man today but your wounds might still stay fresh till tomorrow
ReplyDeleteYour happiness, mental health and peace of mind matters than any other things. Most of our parents endured so much pain that they carried in their heart forever. Some of our mothers did not heal, will never heal because they refused to let go. May God heal anyone who is passing through any pain at the moment.
ReplyDeleteJesus is the healer our ability to forget yesterday pain is embedded in every christian because He thought us to forgive and forget so that our heavenly father can forgive us ,please read bible to her because if she didn't forgive from her heart it may be difficult for God to forgive and moreover just like you said your peace matters why will you or your mother miss heaven because of somebody ?it doesn't make sense
ReplyDeleteI don't believe anyone forgets. The phrase Forgive and Forget has become so cliche. We can forgive but we do not forget. Sometimes we think we have forgotten because we have pushed it deep into the recesses of our subconscious and events can always re-awaken the memories. I would rather say, make peace with the past .
DeleteHnmmm I feel u Writer not Married, I no want sef , I can't go through the Horror some women go through. I know there are good men and Good marriages but I no get the Strength. This life na once , it is well with u Poster . GOD heal ur Mummy.
ReplyDeleteIf you are a christian do what God want you to do
ReplyDeleteThis is so me, I found love and peace in me that people around me feels it's because I haven't healed properly but I am totally fine and happy.
ReplyDeleteI know what pains does to the human mind, even when we forgive, it's never the same again.
Thank you for sharing.
This person just told my story. Now I I am in my mid sixties, caring for the man who treated me just you will treat your maid. I can't throw him out cos he has nobody to care for him. He suffers from muscular degeneration. His children don't care because he was never there for them,and show them zero love. My heart is bitter doing this but the God in me makes it difficult to turn my back on him.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for your good ❤️🌹
DeleteThank you.
ReplyDeleteChai! Uwa nkea!
ReplyDeleteI share the same stance as you. Some things I saw my mother tolerate, i subconsciously swore not to.
God is your strength.Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing,I pray for Divine healing upon your mum.
ReplyDeletePeople wrongly assume that it's the male that will become fragile and in need of care at old age, sometimes it can be us. Care should never be given just out of a sense of duty, in grumbling/bitterness because it then looks like a poisoned chalice. In spite of our best effort, ill health does happen as one ages..it doesn't always mean because we went through marital difficulties.
DeleteIt was interesting to note that you still referred to him as your 'husband' and he is making effort to reconcile. Not every separation story ended in divorce, not everyone stays in an 'unhappy marriage ' out of societal pressure. Some genuinely stayed because they have resolved to stay married despite all odds.
@stella, there is an increasedpressure to separate now much more than several decades ago, social media counselors actively encouraging people to leave to heal' , ready to cite worse case examples to justify intolerance and hate.
I'm glad the poster has a balanced view about where she's and her future goals.
PCX
A man brought his wife to justice court to report her ,that she absconded from their house and packed every of their belongings. When the woman, who is a PhD holder opened mouth to narrate what she has been passing through in the marriage, I cried. The woman planned her exit very well, the man even tried to toast her that she should process travelling with him because she has PhD in a medical line, but the woman saw through him, the woman said she knew ni man before and after the husband but the man said she's doing all these because of a man, oya what's the mans name, the mentioned the name of a man, a Dr who died seven years ago. I wish I could narrate everything the woman passed through but English hard to type
ReplyDeleteMy dad is healthy, my mum is sick. It hit a nerve. She has been through so much. If it not working, it's best to walk away
ReplyDeleteAre you suggesting that the dad should walk away now that mum is sick and things are not working?
DeleteMum stayed when the marriage was unhealthy in the early years, taught her daughter what perseverance looked like with the parable she gave. We don't know enough to say that mum current illness was caused by infidelity that happened decades ago.
Poster please help to take care of mum because it's never easy on the vulnerable aged ones (I imagine she'll be older than 60 years). Studies have shown that elderly people are more prone to depression especially if they suffer from any chronic physical health condition like hypertension/diabetes and it's very much treatable. Please take mum to the hospital so that it can be treated rather than blaming dad for things that can't be reversed/treated.
PCX
I know as a Christian we are not suppose to hold grudges. And we should love our neighbour as ourselves but you see some people , they don’t deserve to be looked after in their old age.
ReplyDeleteIt is not just men, there are women who also treated their husbands badly.
Love is patient, love is kind, love is long suffering, and it keeps no record of wrong. If we ask the holy spirit for help, to forgive, to love like Christ did despite the past sufferings I believe God's spirit will fill our hearts with divine peace...to wallow in past hurt is akin to setting oneself up for a lifetime of bitterness, misery and unfulfillment.
ReplyDeleteI choose daily to draw near to the throne of grace to ask for help every day. Some days are more difficult than others, but I am strengthened.
The song writer sang " I've still got joy in chaos, I've got peace that makes no sense, I won't be going under, No,No, No, I'm not held by my own strength"
To the lady that is caring for her sick hubby and remembering the hurt---
Caregiver burden is real! Burnout is real and it can become a fertile ground that breeds resentment. Instead of blaming the past, Ask for support so that you can share the burden of caring for your sick loved ones.
Leverage technology to help with some task, don't forget to look after yourself too.
Much love
PCX