Living with a positive status can be mentally draining. Atimes, you feel as if your world is closing up on you....
I don't know how I can explain this so you people can understand.
Yes, we don't fall sick physically but mentally .
Sometimes we are emotionally down, thinking about life and the future with the disease. Some days, I have palpitations, sometimes I just look up and cry about my life....
The name HIV is heavy weight. But to people around me, I'm a bubbly person without any problems and I don't tell hubby some of my private battles cos he won't understand.
Atimes,I even get so depressed that I sometimes discuss it with hubby and he'll start mentioning big sickness that people are going through that I should be grateful...
It's not as if I'm not grateful but the fear is always at the back of my mind,I don't know how to get rid of it . I wonder if my life would have been way better without the disease and I think the answer is, definitely yes.
I'm forever grateful for having my husband by my side but I don't always want him to know what I'm passing through mentally so I tend to deal with my mental health issues in private. Even Dr's don't have any help to render in that area.
I feel very uneasy whenever I see someone that knows my status especially those hiv support workers.
May God have mercy on me
I feel very uneasy whenever I see someone that knows my status especially those hiv support workers.
May God have mercy on me
"The name HIV is heavy weight".
ReplyDeleteVery heavy weight.
The consolation is "there are sicknesses worse that HIV". But truthfully, how many sicknesses can be mentioned and people will just scamper away from you?
HIV is indeed a very heavy weight and name.
Awww, I don't know what to say, to make you feel better, But you will be fine, everything will be ok, Just keep staying healthy for yourself and your family. It's well with you dear🤗
ReplyDeleteThose who withered into the great being on account of this ailment years ago would have given all they have for your problems.
ReplyDeleteCount your blessings, name them one by one and it'll surprise you what Jesus has done.
Hugs to you sis. It is well with you.
ReplyDeleteI can totally understand you sis,look on the brighter side,you’ve got an amazing husband that does not discriminate and lovely kids. Some of us are yet to get a stable relationship cos as soon as you disclose your status they all run away like Usain Bolt!!! Hang in there dear better days ahead,sending you e- hugs
ReplyDeleteE-hugs to you dear,keep taking your drugs and remain healthy,things will continue to fall in pleasant places for you.Also talk to the support around you, especially hubby,don't keep it entirely inside
ReplyDeleteThe Lord is your strength.
ReplyDeleteI understand cos I had a neighbour Aisha that is positive. She always locks herself in her room and cries her eyes out. Her roommate saw her results and drugs and announced it to the hole neighbourhood.
She later relocated out of shame and discrimination she got...
I’ve read every one of your posts since it debuted, but I don’t think I’ve ever commented - not because they didn’t matter, but because I never quite found the right words or the right moment. Today did. This one struck a chord. I lost a friend shortly after secondary school, when awareness was low and denial was high, and decades ago, I also lost a cheerful neighbour and his wife to AIDS.
ReplyDeleteWhat you wrote carries a quiet honesty that only people living inside a burden can articulate. HIV may be clinically managed, but emotionally, it still asks too much of the mind. The fear you describe, the private tears, the need to appear “fine” - that’s a loneliness few people see, and even fewer understand. Being told to be grateful doesn’t remove the weight; it often just teaches you to hide it better.
Your strength isn’t in pretending the fear doesn’t exist. It’s in waking up daily and still choosing to live, love, and show up, even while carrying questions that have no neat answers. You’re not weak for feeling this way. You’re human.
I hope you find spaces - even if just one - where you don’t have to be brave, bubbly, or okay. You deserve peace from carrying this alone.
I really sympathize with you, to be passing through this can be really tough on one mentally. But thank God, there is a solution. Now, are you a believer? If yes, congratulations.... There is a meal called THE Holy Communion, find a Bible believing church, take the Communion in faith and watch HIV disappear... Try this in faith, you will testify...
ReplyDeleteI understand you dear because ive been through something mentally draining too..the only thing I have to say is when that feeling comes just turn it over to God to give you the strength to go on..try not to dwell in that space of despair..just replace the thought with the things you're grateful for..anytime you feel like this just try those steps..this is what has helped me so far..i hope it works for you..rooting for youđź’•
ReplyDeleteCEO Empress
ReplyDeleteYou are a very strong woman and you are blessed to have an emotionally mature man that is in tune with you
Life is easier to navigate through when you find rate and admirable qualities in your partner not a Judgmental one
Be Cheerful regardless
CEO Empress