Nothing is more sad than entering a marriage when you know your heart lies elsewhere. I’ve seen way too many young men stroll into marriage with a woman they never really cared for or loved in the true sense of the word.
Lets call him Mike.
Smart, intelligent, resourceful, with more than a few coins to spare. I’ve known Mike for a decade or more. and over the years, Mike never bothered entering into any relationship. I had brought up the matter with him on a number of occasions but he’d brush off my concerns. That was until last year when he made up his mind to settle down. I was excited at the news until I asked who the lady was. It turned out to be an 'off and on' of his with strong anger issues. A lady who at a point had slapped him and broken a bottle to stab him but got restrained.
I tried getting him to change his mind. I tried getting him to see the glaring red flags. He was having none of it. Family tried getting him to retrace his steps but all interventions failed.
They got married last december and the storms came pretty early. Not one for confrontation, Mike has been spending extensive night hours with a lady he had a thing with before getting married.
I only got to know this because Mike’s wife called me to ask after him. Apparently, he told her he was coming to meet me. I work late most times and the wife knows so I was the perfect alibi. I covered for him as I should before she terminated the call.
I then called Mike and he was with me before long. One look, I could tell all wasn’t fine at home. I gave him no sympathies. I was very objective and told him the truth that it will get worse. Not because I think he is a bad husband or she a bad wife but because I see a union lacking depth, lacking genuineness of purpose and intent, a union not held together by warmth and companionship but a union birthed into existence just because both thought time was running out.
Why marry a woman you don't love? I can understand when women do it but I will never understand why a man does it. Take time and get it right or rush in and stew in regrets. Nothing is more wicked than taking a woman you know you don't love down the altar.
Why marry a woman you don't love? I can understand when women do it but I will never understand why a man does it. Take time and get it right or rush in and stew in regrets. Nothing is more wicked than taking a woman you know you don't love down the altar.
Why sign up for that prison?
She deserves the best of your emotions just as you deserve the best of hers. You can marry out of pity but you can't love out of pity. And where love is present, it shows itself. Where love is absent, small issues in marriage blow up to threaten the union. Faults become magnified and the home becomes a hostile environment. All because a home was built on a lie.
This is a very important issue causing breakdown of marriages. Marry for the right reasons. You love one, but want to keep up appearances with another, so you marry appearances with intent to continue the love outside. No nau. Everybody deserves love.
ReplyDeleteThis happens a lot. I truly believe that spiritual forces are at play in these cases. The threat of human happiness and a world where love is everywhere is not what they signed up for so they go to work. Even the first relationship formed by God’s own hands was infiltrated by them, how much more our little relationships we are putting together ourselves.
ReplyDeleteWhat spirit came over him to now rush into marriage with a wild woman and still cheating to try to find peace. You talked until you were blue, family talked the same and nobody could stop him. What force was at play in this? Whatever the force it obviously marred common-sense and is hell bent on destroying them both. By the time that spirit is through with both of them it will lead to trauma and possibly hatred of the other gender. The forces would get exactly what they wanted, two ppl so damaged they will be too broken for love to come in and if it does show up, they will not know how to handle it and create more damage ppl with painful memories.
And that’s how the would patch and patch till boom, three children innocently enters the toxic cycle.
ReplyDeleteToo many people are superficial or like the superficial. So concerned about appearances than the perfect joy they can derive in their own small corner of the world. As much as we glorify status symbol, materialism, and people's validation over real and true things, emptiness will prevail. Void cannot fill void.
ReplyDeleteSome people these days don't marry for love , rather they marry for convenience sake, lack of compatibility, societal pressure and other vices.
ReplyDeleteThese is one of the major reasons why people still cheats on their spouses.
Men also get desperate for marriage and they end up marrying the next available lady. Some eventually develop emotional connections with the wives while others find their connections outside.
ReplyDelete