I’m trying to understand your point. In one breath you said he’s a good provider for the family, and in another you said he doesn’t give you upkeep money. Can I ask, upkeep for what exactly? Since you have your own business, what expenses are you referring to?

You also said he gives when you ask, and that he’s a good provider. So what exactly is the issue with upkeep? Is it for the kids, feeding, bills, and school fees? Or are you expecting him to also cover personal things like pads, makeup, and hair, which you can conveniently handle from your own income or from what he gives for the home? Don't you wanna spend your own money?

Let’s be honest. It feels like the disconnection didn’t just come from lack of emotional connection, but largely from the issue of upkeep money. You even went out of your way to say you’re not seeing anyone or planning to cheat which makes me wonder if you’re trying to get sympathy and support here. If your husband’s presence irritates you like you rightly said, it clearly shows resentment and hatred from you. Such traits is dangerous to any man with such a woman as a wife.

From your story, it looks like you’ve put all the responsibility on him and yet still expect emotional closeness. You admitted he’s a good provider, something many women pray for. If he wasn’t providing enough but was emotionally available, I’m sure there would still be complaints. Have you asked him why he seems emotionally distant? What effort have you made to reconnect? If the focus is only on what you’re not getting, then that comes across as selfish.

Please don’t push away a good man who provides for his family just because of a demand for upkeep you can conveniently handle yourself. If you want emotional closeness with him, don’t leave all the responsibilities on his shoulders. Help out where you can. The weight of the bills could be affecting him, and it might be taking a toll on his emotions too.


©️ TEEJAY

I read this same pattern with marriages that is up to 10 years. I don't know if it is always see finish or emotional energy decline. Maybe you have to start switching up things or look for a way to spice up things.

Funny enough, I made a post about this recently! You can never run a healthy home if you think your responsibilities as a husband and a father ends with providing money!

This one now adds disrespect to his own as well as stinginess.

Poster, whatever decision you make, you will right as long as that is what you actually want.

Please remember that the street is not greener.

You can still make things work; take it to God in prayers, talk to those he listens to, and talk calmly to him.

Wishing you the best Ma'am.

DOZZYBEST.

My dear sister, ten years of marriage and three children is a lot to walk away from simply because the feelings have become cold. If there is no abuse or danger involved, I would not advise you to walk away.
After almost 30 years of marriage, I have learned that love sometimes has to be intentionally rebuilt through prayer, communication, patience, and understanding.
I would encourage you to have one serious but calm conversation with him. Don’t make it only about money. Tell him how you no longer feel like his wife and partner and explain the emotional loneliness you are experiencing.
Be specific about what needs to change, so that both of you can work together to rebuild your marriage.
I pray that God will touch both your hearts and rekindle the love you once had for each other, in Jesus name. Amen. 🙏🏽

Marriage is work. However, most people don’t realize that marriage requires constant effort, especially men. They often act as though there is “no campaign after election.”

To the poster, my advice is to redirect your energy toward what makes you happy and focus more on your business and personal growth. Very soon, he may be the one chasing after you. I only hope it won’t be too late by then.

Take him out on a date and tell him how you feel.Try and find ways to rekindle the fire in your relationship.Don"leave everything in his hands to handle.lt takes two to tango.

Take some of the financial responsibilities and give him some of the caring responsibilities.
That will shake up the relationship and give the both of you a new perspective.

Providing for the family is important, but provision alone is not a marriage. You are not asking for too much by wanting affection, respect, emotional support, and shared parenting. But before concluding that you no longer love him, ask yourself: Have I fallen out of love with him, or have I become exhausted from feeling unloved, unheard, and unsupported?

Don't make a permanent decision from a place of accumulated resentment. Have one honest conversation, clearly state what needs to change, and consider counselling if he is willing. But remember: you cannot carry a marriage alone. If he refuses to acknowledge the problem or make any effort, then you have a different decision to make. And no, you are not unreasonable for wanting your husband to be more than a provider. You want a partner.

The funny thing is she might not let the husband know her grievances now before running online. By the time you destroy your marriage your eyes will clear. Most people think breaking up marriage is like a walk in the park.Any little thing, break up,or separate. Why not have a conversation and look for ways of handling stuff between you before running to third parties?

Please visit a therapist. These issues can be resolved

Hello Poster,

In all honesty, I do not know what we think a man is. He is a human being, for Pete’s sake. We often watch men toil beyond their capacity and still act as though financial provision is only a small part of what they owe us. Some women carry these responsibilities too, and that is not right either.

Even where your complaints are valid, I would not treat your interpretation of your marriage as the established reality. He may already be experiencing a cold marriage too, but, like many men, he may simply be holding it in because that is how he deals with emotional issues.

One of the mistakes we make in our excitement to say, “I do,” is failing to examine whether our expectations are compatible. Cultural orientation, tradition and social beliefs shape how many of us see marriage, but those expectations must still be adjusted to the personalities and realities of the people involved.

I think Teejay identified a legitimate blind spot in your narration, but became too certain about what that blind spot proves. He was right to resist the reflex that your husband must be the villain simply because you are unhappy. However, the long list of what your husband does not do became unsettling because you almost absolved yourself of accountability.

You say your husband is a good provider, yet you are tired because he does not give you personal upkeep unless you ask. Fair enough. Perhaps what hurts is not the money itself, but that you do not feel considered as a woman and wife. Perhaps you want him to think of you without being reminded. That is valid.

But I must also ask you to be fair. You have three children together, he provides for the family, and you have a business. We do not know what either of you earns, how heavy his financial responsibilities are, whether he is already stretching himself, or what you contribute when things are tight.

That is why I cannot simply accept that he is failing because he does not hand you money without being asked. Providing for five people is not a small responsibility. His capacity is not endless. We should not belittle what he already provides simply because it is part of his responsibility.

At the same time, paying the bills does not mean a man has completed his duties as a husband. A wife can be financially secure and still feel lonely. She can appreciate her husband's provision and still be hurt by harsh words, emotional distance, lack of affection, or carrying the daily responsibilities of the children alone.

Both of you may be failing each other in ways neither fully sees.

So before concluding that you have fallen out of love, examine yourself honestly. Ten years is a long time to throw away without first doing that, provided there is no violence or threat to anyone's safety.

Is his presence irritating you because you genuinely no longer love him, or because you have carried resentment for so long that everything about him now annoys you? And what has he been carrying that you may no longer see because you have become focused on what he is not giving you?

You need an honest conversation, but not one where you sit him down with a list of his failures while protecting yourself from accountability. Talk about the money, children, housework, respect, how you speak to each other, and what both of you expected marriage to be versus what it has become.

Then answer one difficult question: What do I believe I am giving to this marriage, and what does my partner believe I am withholding?

The problem may not be that one of you is entirely wrong. You may simply be carrying different versions of the same marriage without recognising it. Like two exhausted people standing in different corners.

Until both of you are willing to see the other person's burden as real, neither of you will feel truly seen. Talk more about what it means to be heard.

Try talking with him alone and that, in the atmosphere of love. If he still doesn't understand you, try talking to the people he respects. He might listen to them and change his perspective.

Do you nag? How do you handle situations around you? Try and make the home sweet, using kind words, filled with sweetness, ask him to join you in the home tasks.

You need to create the atmosphere of sweetness in in your home.

Very dry and useless somebori. Poster take up some of the responsibilities. He too needs to be taken care of. You not spoken to you husband how u feel u rush come here dey look for Amotekuns advise. A good provider u don't know what you got there.