I was shocked to find out that some men do.
There I was on a quiet Saturday morning. The kids had gone off to be with their aunt, and I was home alone with the wife, nursing a beer and reading the day’s news, as is my custom every Saturday.
The wife had prepared some catfish pepper soup, and I was really savouring it. Dog doesn’t get treats all the time, so I really took the time to polish off the bones of the fish. Nothing was spared. Deep down, though, I knew I was simply being buttered up for what was to come.
Madam joined me, and we were enjoying the quiet in the house. She ate quietly, and I waited patiently because I knew something was coming. It didn’t take long before she let it out.
“Babe, why don’t you relate with Papa Sonia? You know he is a nice man, and he takes church seriously. It would be good if you guys started relating. You might start going to church again.” She said.
Papa Sonia and his family are neighbours across the street. Beyond the occasional greeting, I try to avoid him as much as I can. Religious people do give me the creeps, and for good reason.
Nothing was going to interrupt me and that pepper soup, so I kept at it while she watched me in suspense. I didn’t say a word for over five minutes. I didn’t need to. It wasn’t long before a knock was heard on the gate.
I opened it, and in came Mama Sonia, as we call her. We exchanged pleasantries, and she and my wife proceeded to engage in small talk. She hardly visits, so I knew there must be something behind her visit.
I went into the house so she and my wife could converse freely. Days later, my wife spilled the purpose of the visit. I listened intently.
It so turned out that Papa Sonia, who had gotten his wife a job as a cleaner in a new-generation bank, was demanding that she hand over her entire salary to him anytime she got paid.
He works in a bank as a security guard, and I don’t imagine they get paid well. But that doesn’t excuse demanding that a wife hand over her entire salary. What kind of man does that?
Mummy Sonia’s refusal to hand over her salary incensed her husband so much that he went to her workplace and demanded that she be sacked.
This is a man who can barely feed his own family with 6 kids but ego had pushed him to the point of spite against his wife. As was expected, he got laughed out of the bank where his wife works, with a pointed message never to step foot there again.
He has been keeping a sullen face since then. Such a shame. While there is nothing wrong if a wife makes her income available for the home, this must not be something she does under compulsion.
Madam joined me, and we were enjoying the quiet in the house. She ate quietly, and I waited patiently because I knew something was coming. It didn’t take long before she let it out.
“Babe, why don’t you relate with Papa Sonia? You know he is a nice man, and he takes church seriously. It would be good if you guys started relating. You might start going to church again.” She said.
Papa Sonia and his family are neighbours across the street. Beyond the occasional greeting, I try to avoid him as much as I can. Religious people do give me the creeps, and for good reason.
Nothing was going to interrupt me and that pepper soup, so I kept at it while she watched me in suspense. I didn’t say a word for over five minutes. I didn’t need to. It wasn’t long before a knock was heard on the gate.
I opened it, and in came Mama Sonia, as we call her. We exchanged pleasantries, and she and my wife proceeded to engage in small talk. She hardly visits, so I knew there must be something behind her visit.
I went into the house so she and my wife could converse freely. Days later, my wife spilled the purpose of the visit. I listened intently.
It so turned out that Papa Sonia, who had gotten his wife a job as a cleaner in a new-generation bank, was demanding that she hand over her entire salary to him anytime she got paid.
He works in a bank as a security guard, and I don’t imagine they get paid well. But that doesn’t excuse demanding that a wife hand over her entire salary. What kind of man does that?
Mummy Sonia’s refusal to hand over her salary incensed her husband so much that he went to her workplace and demanded that she be sacked.
This is a man who can barely feed his own family with 6 kids but ego had pushed him to the point of spite against his wife. As was expected, he got laughed out of the bank where his wife works, with a pointed message never to step foot there again.
He has been keeping a sullen face since then. Such a shame. While there is nothing wrong if a wife makes her income available for the home, this must not be something she does under compulsion.
No man worth his salt should demand that.
This happened to me too, and I completely agree with you, DOG. There is a difference between a couple agreeing together on how to manage their finances and a man demanding control over his wife’s salary simply because he feels entitled to it. I believe a woman’s income should remain hers to manage, unless she willingly chooses otherwise. Partnership is about trust, accountability and shared responsibility, not control. A man who needs to control his wife’s income to feel like a man probably needs to examine what that really says about him.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you Ron 💯
DeleteMy husband tried this when we first got married. He wanted me to be handing over my salary to him cos that’s what his mother did. I shut it down quickly. I’m an advocate for accountability from both parties but don’t re-introduce that parent/child dynamic in marriage where one person (mostly the woman) will be asking the husband for money any time she needs to do something. It’s humiliating and encourages financial abuse.
ReplyDeleteAnd your wife been want make you dey go church with that kind man o.
ReplyDeleteVery selfish and self centred man,case of monkey dey work,wickedness dey chop.Going as far to demand her sack.
In my religion(Islam),my earnings is my own.I decide what I want to do with it.
Terrible horseband Man !! Men like this are spiteful. To Me , A good woman can and should contribute in running the home no matter how little . She is a help mate. Thats way of showing support and love too. No woman would wish or want her better half to be gone earlier than assigned by God cos of "bukata"
ReplyDeleteWrong entitlement from the husband. I have many things to say on this issue but today is Sunday so, I'll pass 😊
ReplyDeleteWelcome back Doggedy my brother 🤗
A whole human being went to work everyday for 28 days .
ReplyDeleteWhat audacious stupidity to demand the salary for that? Na waa o
Things are really happening in this world. He demanded for her salary and that wasn't enough, he foolishly went to her work place to demand her sack. Such a spiteful man.
ReplyDeleteWelcome DOGgedity
Hello Doggedity,
ReplyDeleteI was going to plead that you should make time to continue with your column, even if it's fortnightly.
That said, I think there is an important distinction between contributing to a marriage and desiring to have, or having, control or expectation over a spouse’s income.
Like it or not, marriage is a partnership of a sort. Both spouses are stakeholders regardless of their earning power, where both contribute capacity or resources to the household, and there is nothing wrong with agreeing that their incomes should be pooled, partly pooled, or divided according to particular responsibilities. What matters is that the arrangement is discussed and genuinely consented to by both people.
A husband can reasonably expect his wife to contribute to the home because she earns sustainably, just as she can reasonably expect him to live up to his responsibilities. But contribution is not the same as surrendering ownership or control of one’s entire income.
That is why I find the situation as narrated troubling. The apparent entitlement to demand her entire salary and even try to interfere with her employment when she refused is all shades of wrongdoing.
Couples should be able to consistently discuss money honestly, agree on responsibilities, and still retain some financial independence. Marriage should mean sharing a life peacefully, not surrendering your personhood. Build the home together, but never turn it into a possession.
Good talk, such men are shameless and need tutoring in this aspect. I hate nonsense, tueh!
ReplyDeleteGood talk, such men are shameless and need tutoring in this aspect. I hate nonsense, tueh!
ReplyDelete