STAND ALONE NARRATIVE..
WHEN THE PAST LINGERS
This is my chronicles. I will love my identity hidden.
I have had this issue disturbing me that I have considered seeking therapy for healing and to allow peace in my heart. just the grace and strength to let go and be free to enjoy who I truly want to be without letting my anger, hatred, et al get the better part of me.
It all started from the University with a friend I consider a bosom friend. We did everything together, we were always together and she was more in my department than hers and we also traded our dreams of what we want to do in the later future. people said we look alike but I can say facially she is quite prettier.
Let me not make it too lengthy... my first red flag was when we went out to an eatery and she saw a guy asking her out with his friends, she said we should go and say hello to them and guess what her 'toaster' insulted me and she sat on the guy asking her out's leg and was smiling. I acted like I didn't hear and walked away. she came back after over an hour and didn't apologise. ( we were both in a relationship but her bf then was a complete jerk while my bf then was swooning over me)
I forgave her but didn't forget and moved on. while in the University I've always wanted to do stuffs design inclined while she was going the stomach path. I was opportune to travel and we kept in touch. when I got back to the country, I got her stuffs and she looked at it with disdain. I kept quiet and that didn't stop me from getting her stuffs ( this is someone that has never gotten me anything out of her benevolence- I am the one always giving). I got a job, she started a business, I held on to my passion and was trying to build it... the next thing I discovered she started doing what I wanted to do ( I later discovered that everything I share with her, she starts doing it, I don't really have a problem with it even though its annoying, but the most annoying part is her telling people its her idea). we decided to stay together and she did not bring a single pin except for one piece of furniture into the house.
she won't buy foodstuffs or cook and she was always inviting her bf over they will cook the foodstuffs i bought and finish all without remaining anything for me. I go to work, she is at home, i go to the market, cook, clean the house and if i don't wash the plates, it will be in the sink till i wash it... and that was the cycle. on one of the cycles, I was in the kitchen cooking and left my child with her, i discovered the house was smelling, I had to go and check my child's diaper and I discovered it was a poo, I changed my child's diaper and went back to the kitchen... she didn't offer to help but was watching TV.
while in the kitchen I realised the house was still smelling just for me to get back to the sitting room and saw my daughter feeding on her poo and she was there. I was very angry and told her... she said she was engrossed in the movie she was watching. guess what, this same thing happened twice.
Another one she did, my mother came visiting and she placed her legs behind my mother on the couch... I gave it to her that day. but then i realised I've made a huge mistake. she doesn't contribute anything into the house except on very rare occasions when she buys pepper... very dirty and she can analyse and command... always proud to say she is saucy.
I moved and left virtually everything for her and gave a few to my sister... my sister said she went back to the house to get somethings she left behind and she told her that my family are hungry people... that if it were her, her family won't take anything out of the house. ( this is someone that got a huge sum of money and she didn't offer me 1k not to talk of trying to get something for the house). In all this, she could be good if she wants to ( she says it herself)
In all this, she made me angry, bitter and I try so much to genuinely wish her well... but everytime i try to, I think about our friendship from the beginning till now, and I realised I have been the one giving without holding back, and she is just been herself and it makes me more angry and bitter. I have dealt with some issues with her but she didn't show any form of remorse... she has done loads of hurtful things to me and I know sometimes I've tried to hurt her back just to let her have a taste of what she dishes out.
I want to forgive and just be cool with her, but all this things take me back and I don't know how to be cool with her. people (mostly family members) tell me she doesn't see me as a friend but as a convenience... but i try to hold on to the good things about her to not think that way. I hardly stay in touch with her anymore but she is always trying to stay in touch... I'm confused i don't know what to do.