STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
GOLD DIGGER ALERT?.
I'm at a crossroad in my life and I'm not one to discuss my personal life with my brothers or friends. Your red pen and my other BVNs' comments are what I'm trusting on right now. It's a bit long but please bear with me. This is urgent, as I want to decide whether to continue this relationship or not.
I'm currently in a relationship with a guy I have known for about 8 years, but we only started properly dating about a year and a half ago. We initially met via Facebook: he sent a friend request and I accepted. He started sending me messages and we got chatting. At that time I was a student in South Africa. A couple of months into our 'facebook friendship' he invited me to visit him in Lagos and I accepted.
I bought my own return tickets, and when I got to lagos, he took me to a hotel in Ikeja. We spent the weekend there (which surprised me on the first day), but he never took me to his place; just his office. (No, he's not married and was not married then - I'm 100 percent sure now). I was a mermaid throughout that weekend, even though he tried; he actually attempted that "let me just put the tip only", and of course I hissed and pushed him away.
What I remember was that the first night, I had to call my mom that I was in Nigeria "for a friend's sister's wedding" (that was the scope I gave her), since I did not travel out of school without informing her. The guy asked to speak to her and he greeted her and said to her that he wants to marry me.
The next day, the reception called to ask if we were checking out or wanted to extend our stay. I just handed the phone to him because I wasn't the one that chose or booked the hotel. He said we would be extending and that he would come down and give them more money. When he hung up, he asked me if I had any money on me, and I asked why. When I arrived, I changed some money that equaled to about N50k. This was my vex money in case of incasity. I told him I had only 30k and he said I should lend him, since it was weekend and banks are not open. That he would pay it into my nigerian account by Monday. I was wondering why he booked a hotel he didn't have money to pay for, and if so, why he was staying in it with me. Bear in mind that this guy is 10 years older than I am.
I gave him the 30k and told him I think it would be better for me to change my return ticket to leave on Sunday (the following day) instead of looking for money to pay for another day. After all, I wasn't the one that invited myself to Nigeria. The next day I left back to SA, but didn't remind him about the money.
In fact, he would chat with me for weeks, about how he wants to marry me and can't wait, without bringing the issue of my 30k up, until one day hunger made me demand that he pay my money. In total, he refunded me after almost a month. After that, I unfriended him on facebook and deleted him from my BBM.
For about 6 years, he would remember me once in a while and call or email me, asking how I was doing and that he still loved me. Called me his runaway wife, etc. In 2014, his communication became more frequent. He had just turned 40 and basically said he wanted to settle down and that I was the one. I wasn't even interested in what he was saying as I was still judging him from his misbehaviour in 2008. However one day I was travelling to the US with Emirates and I didn't look at the flight times on my ticket. Only for me to get to Dubai and realise my layover was almost 18hours!
Meaning I would be roaming Dubai airport for that long. I wanted to cry. Then I remembered this guy was also in Dubai at the time so I called him. He advised I go get an entry visa at arrivals and that he would come pick me up from the airport. He was really a godsend. He got me a room at a hotel near the airport AND PAID (Thank God), took me to dinner, etc. I was really grateful to him and that relief made me to take another look at him. When I returned from my trip some weeks later, we decided to give the relationship a go, with the goal of marriage.
Things were going well, he even met my parents and I met his. But Stella, today I sat and realised something that is a summary of all the fights we have been having for about 18months: this man seems to like chasing girls that have (or appear to have) money.
Around November last year we broke up because he cheated on me with a girl. To the extent that I caught them both in his house: she was naked except for his tshirt. When we somewhat reconciled after he came begging, I saw some messages on his phone to one of his friends, telling this friend that the girl's uncle is a commisioner in one of the Niger Delta area states, and that he will tell the girl that he wants them to get married, so she can get her uncle to help them push their project in that state. Honestly, I haven't even properly gotten over that. But that incident made me start putting pieces together: this guy is always adding girls on Facebook and Instagram, and then starting conversations with them. Or trying to make friends with certain types of girls. Taking them for expensive lunches or buying them expensive birthday gifts.
The ones that give him small face, he ends up toasting. And the common denominator is that: they have rich parents, have well-paying jobs or they own their own businesses. It made me also think: when he added me on Facebook while I was in university, I had started a fashion design business on the side in SA, and my business had a facebook page. Could this be why he added me?
When his friends introduce him to any girl that he knows is from a rich background, the way he lights up and starts showing her attention, it's almost embarassing.
I don't know if to call him a gold digger or what: he has a great business, and does well for himself. I also have my business that does well, so what is he looking for? I don't understand this behaviour. Maybe I'm not rich enough for him? Will we ever get married? Should I even want to get married to such a guy?
Please I need your perspective guys. Thanks and God bless.
*gold digger alert!