This writeup should be an eye opener for you Mister man!
I had a friend at a drinking joint I used to sit so many years ago. One day we
fell into a talk on family, women, wife, etc. In his contributions, he said "I
cannot sit at home with my wife for five minutes, we will fight. We will just
pick a quarrel. It's either she is not pleased with something I did or I am not
satisfied. We pick quarrel always so I don't even care to sit at home with her.
So if you see me at this joint always, that explains it." And truly, go to the
joint anytime, he was there, either sleeping or smoking or drinking.
He was so loud about this status with his wife. I have heard him say it so
many times that his wife or marriage is of no value to him other than go
home eat, sleep, bath and walk to the joint.
At a stage I didn't go to the joint for about a month. Was busy outside town.
The day I saw him on my return, he was a shadow of himself. Emaciated.
Sorrowful. Spent. Drawn. Taciturn. I hailed him and asked him to be served
his usual beer. He rejected it. I was shocked. Him rejecting beer? I walked
close to him.
"Wetin happen? I asked
"Bola, haven't you heard?
"What?
"My wife is DEAD." Vocal emphasis on "dead".
"Jeeeesssus!" I shouted as I walked back to my seat.
He fell into his sorrowful, quiet mood again. And it was like I saw tears rolling
down his cheek. As people came in, he was quick to announce to them
sorrowfully: My wife is dead. I heard him announce it to more than 20 people,
who commiserated with him.
That was when it occurred to me that why would he cry. Why announcing it?
Didn't this man say his marriage and wife mean nothing to him? Didn't he
say he could not sit for five minutes with her? He was never at home, an
absentee father and husband. So now that the woman is dead, what is the
noise about?
That is marriage for you. Some couples treat themselves as if they don't
matter. Issues that could be resolved by a mere roundtable, they walk away
from it. And in most cases, even if you remarry another woman or man, the
same story repeats itself. Those who quit one marriage for the other, ask
them how it feels. Let us work the marriage. Marriage is work. My Yoruba
people would pray that "may couples not know each other's value when
death has taken one away."
More often than not marriage dictates if someone will succeed in life or not.
Marriage is not a creation of man. That is why you need to think properly on
your values and choices. On what your reactions to each other would be.
Some homes have been destroyed just by ONE careless statement the man or
woman made. In most cases, women are more sensitive. Men must know
women for that.
My guy, sit at home with your wife. Watch African magic or Telemundo with
her. They like it. When she is ill, sit with her. Call her from your office every
now and then. Behave as if a vital part of you is also ill. Offer to cook for
her. Pray for her. Let her see that her sickness affects you. Simple care! If
wives do this for husbands, why can't husbands do it for wives?
When you wake up, squeeze her hands. Squeeze her bum. Let her believe the
love is still like before. Ask her how was her day yesterday. Talk about the
children. Any food at home? Soup still dey? Even if you have no kobo to put
down, discuss it. Show you care. Most times these women have money. The
care you show will make them bring it out. They are no fools!
If my friend did these to his wife, that poor woman could still be alive today.
Till now, my friend is still drinking, smoking and sitting at the joint.
Disorganised. No home. Children distributed to family members and I am sure
he is not catering for any of them. The wife who catered for the children and
paid rent has gone.
Someone told me recently that he is even holding his wife's death responsible
for his misfortunes. He was quoted as saying "My wife warned me, na me no
hear. If I had known, I would have listened to her when she was alive."
Painful words. Painful lamentation.
Some people will never know the value of their spouses until they are forced
apart. May your home be very blissful. May your marriage be a loving
experience. But be ready to work it!
To show care for your wife is not a sign of weakness.
BV James (not that James)
Nice testimony, God be praised!
ReplyDeleteFornicating and praying? Hmmmmm
ReplyDeleteLove should be mutual, the moment it's not, problems go dey.
ReplyDeleteHahhaahhahahahaha@anon 17:47.ua funny i swear
ReplyDeleteLmao. I honestly can't cope with those channels and i'm female. I'll just scream my guts out! I watch football a lot and follow most leagues except eredivisie. Movies; I screen what I watch. Cant do something simply cause my spouse does it. Long as we understand our limits and discrepancy in interests. I don't listen to Afro hip hop and r and B and my spouse respects that. He watches his thing, listens to his songs in his car, in mine I'm jamming my death metal and alternative rock and we all happy. Im kind of snobbish in some things and I can't force myself to do somethings just to please spouse. Let's all stay in our lanes. Lol.
ReplyDeletelol
ReplyDeleteMen. Our story is the same. In my case na otumokpo I wan use settle am
ReplyDeleteThis is an intelligent formula for couples when MATURITY and CONTENTMENT are constant in the equation. Therefore, this may work 25% of the time when applied. Reasons are:
ReplyDelete1. MATURITY: Comparison and appreciation cannot co-exist. Flee from spousal spot-the-difference which leads only to irreconcilable differences. Wealthier, nicer, hunkier, curvier all pales with time.
2. CONTENTMENT: Compassion and vanity cannot co-exist. If s/he entered the union strictly for wealth or looks, when that diminishes then irreconcilable differences fills the void.
Goodnews is we can learn to be matured and content when we accept that change begins with us. Sometimes you make the right decision; sometimes you make the decision right!
Anonymous. God bless you
ReplyDeleteNice write-up. May God bless every married and soon to be married persons home IJN.
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine, I truly dun like football but I have gone with a guy to watch match in a football veiwing center, and I go to the movies with you to watch your kinda movies and you refuse to sit with me and watch a chic flick or some nice home video... grossly unfair
ReplyDeleteI sincerely wish my husband will read this,I leave him for God.
ReplyDeleteTrue talk sir! My husband is shall going to read this
ReplyDeleteBecuz i knw u will come here, am addressing ds to u. Dey call u Nana,so am am sure u knw who i am, u used to tell me abt how ur dad maltreated ur mum back in d days and how u used to fight him for it,den u jst paid my bride price and behaving worse dan ur father, threatning me wt weapons sharp objects and even death....its all good, coz we shall see whr ds beast-like attitude of urs will land u.
ReplyDeleteBecuz i knw u will come here, am addressing ds to u. Dey call u Nana,so am am sure u knw who i am, u used to tell me abt how ur dad maltreated ur mum back in d days and how u used to fight him for it,den u jst paid my bride price and behaving worse dan ur father, threatning me wt weapons sharp objects and even death....its all good, coz we shall see whr ds beast-like attitude of urs will land u.
ReplyDeleteExactly What I Wanted To Say
ReplyDeleteD E E P.
ReplyDeleteLovely piece I enjoyed it
ReplyDeleteWords of wisdom, appreciate and love that which you have now
ReplyDeleteAll of you listening to Linda Eze AKA Queen and Boss, make una no enter pit o. Linda might yarn like this but it doesn't mean that she practice it. Ibo men know how to spoil their wives silly (i'm a living testimony)
ReplyDeleteShe does not play away match o. Pls no cheating on your husband's biko.
@Mr arranged marriage, every woman has a soft side (irrespective of their foul mouth). Just find that soft spot and make your marriage work. take her out, surprise her. get her gifts. make her fall inlove with you (atleast for the sake of the kids). marriage is beautiful if you can find a way around your problems (no marriage is without ups and downs)
@Henry Eze, how did you escape from Yaba psychiatric?
Queen and Boss of the dogs, you must be a very garrulous individual in person. Like toilet flies, you just want to be everywhere. And to think u may be married to someone? Mehn!
ReplyDeleteHahaha @not that James ... marriage takes the grace of God and a lot of patience . Even when u decide you won't get angry, the husband will just behave anyhow and believe they are right. I hate men that hurt you without appologizing. Like it's their right to behave anyhow they want without thinking of the woman's feeling. As I always say... it is well .
ReplyDeleteTrue talk.... some men keep malice like their lives depend on it
ReplyDeleteNa so
ReplyDeleteThe lady her man took SK give him to see if it will lessen the effects
ReplyDeleteFor me,marriage doesn't make any sense!
ReplyDeleteMy husband of 13 years is now a total stranger
We do not talk, we do not say a word to each other
I have been sick for months now,running series of test lately but he has no idea. I discuss Nd confide I strangers no longer my hubby. What more I am so depressed at times I contemplate suicide. I feel bad when I look at my children Nd I honestly don't know what will become of them. Say a word of prayer for a kings wife!