Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

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Saturday, 17 December 2016

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

Na wah oh!




STAND ALONE NARRATIVE..

COMPLICATED MARRIAGE.


Hello Stella,
Hope you are doing great. I have been a silent follower for long but l need to offload my "chest" before person will have high bp.. Be very free with your red ink abeg.

My story goes thus:
I am a 29 years old lady being married for two years and some months to my husband. We met in the church when he was still in Nigeria, was in the same group so became friends on Facebook and we used to say hi to each other as we were not close or pals as such. He later traveled for his masters and we occasionally used to chat online which moved to calls also. We were both in relationship with other people.



Later in 2013, we were both free from the relationships and starting dating. All the communication was online, calls and Skype too. I work so l never asked him for anything cos l believe that if he wants to give me, he will and l need not ask. So l apply for visiting visa to Canada to go see him which was not approved due to the Ebola issue then. He then said that he will visit so that we can do the court marriage to help facilitate me coming over.



 I agreed so he came back and we did the court marriage in Ikeja before we then went to the east for the introduction, that was when I knew that he was from a polygamous home and that the mum does not stay with the Dad, other issues came up too but my sister told me to "chose" my "fights" so l just overlooked everything.


I later joined him middle of 2015. I took in immediately and he started complaining about everything. First, was about me working so that l can get the required hours for the maternity pay. Me that was sickly and all that, l will go to places to drop my resume and also online too, attended some interviews but no show. The pregnancy was advancing when l finally got in superstore but was part time so l didn't get the hours though l was close. I had my baby in April through cs, and had no family or friends cos l was still new here so did the omugwo myself.



The complaints and quarrels increases. He told me to cook for his work friends that were coming to see the baby not minding that its been a week since the cs and Stella, everything hurts then even laugh and l was still walking somehow. I refused ooo,he said that is my own case different from other woman. I didn't even answer him, he now said that he will carry the pepper soup that our church member brought for me to give them, l also refused. He still talks about it till today sef.



Since l came, he has never given me money even when I asked so l cut my hair and the little one l made when l was working, l used to pay for my online school stuff, hope to go back to school next year to study nursing. He wanted to be collecting my baby's benefit but l refused and started direct deposit to my baby's account though he usually ask to see the account since I am the only signatory. Another issue is in food, l will cook and its either that he does not like the food or that l didn't cook it well. I have asked several times to say what he wants to eat or text me during his lunch hour so that I will prepare it before he gets back but no way. So most times, l don't cook except the main ones.



Also, he lies, smokes, drinks. Porn is his major issue cos he will be masturbating and he also bed wet though we now have separate rooms. I don't know when last he went to church. All those his good boy talk through our communications were all lies.l have talked, all he says is that l am just looking for faults, now l just faced my baby. I am so disappointed and I want out but my sister said that people will say he brought me over and l left him and all that but l don't care if l even come back to Nigeria. 



I am so tired of this charade bcos we don't talk like couples, everybody does his or her own things, l cannot stand him most times not to talk of intimacy(its been over ten months since the last time).

Stella and fellow sdks, your advice is highly needed.

Thank you all.


*Na wah oh..I know how painful CS can be so i understand how you felt at this time and the anger of his not understanding you.
As for the other complaints,i dont know how to go further with any advice,i literally froze when i got to the 'bed wet' thingy...

let other BVs advice you for me.



138 comments:

DoppelgΓ€nger said...

You are your roommate(husband) need to grow up, I mean there is a child involved.
You either want to stay to make it work or leave, so you both can be happy. This isn't a good way to live life.
You were In so much hurry to marry and travel, you both didn't bother to study, pray and court each other that's why you are in this mess.
He isn't a provider, you aren't willing to make sacrifices either which is good because you're smart enough to protect your child but still it is wrong for both of you to live this way.
You either both come to a compromise and ask yourselves why and how you got here. Try to fix this first before walking away. You don't sound like you ever liked him or loved him.
Have you spoken to him? Communication is very important. Be the bigger person and get him to really talk not the screaming kind.
Sit him down and talk to him and if that doesn't work, involve family or pastor or someone you both can listen to. If that doesn't work then you know you have tried, you can walk away.
Sounds like a marriage of convenience instead of love which should be the foundation of every marriage.

ANGELRAY4SDK said...

Forget your sister and what people will say, u are the one going through pains in dat thing u call marriage, don't ever think of coming back to Nigeria, u are not a wise girl that's why he's using u,report him to the authorities, u have advantage over him, stop dulling, if u divorce him he will be forced to take care of his child.








STARRY LARRY said...

Only your husband smoke, not caring, drink etc? Why don't you spend sometime to know his character before saying yes to him? This thing is now becoming rampant and people are seriously lamenting that most ladies that their hubby take over there change over time and mostly seek for divorce, what's happening? May God help you o, and if you can't cope again, please divorce




*Larry was here*

Blackberry said...

No marriage is super smooth, don't give up so soon, work things out, however if u are still adamant on leaving, damn what pple will say and pack out.

xclusiv esther said...

When they tell you guys to get close enough when dating and take your time.. you will call them gwegs and all sorts.



Madam, this is your cross, you are in, carry it.

How do people even date someone they don't have access to? Someone you can't get close enough to study..


People always jump into Marriage due to different reasons forgetting that Marriage is for a lifetime.




Godspeed poster!

xxxTrinityxxx said...

Are you sure you're not disappointed that what you expected to see you didn't see? Like maybe you thought he'd be richer? ?and then the bed wetting thing too? He has issues though.why tell you to go cook for his friends after going through cs? i think you both have issues. You married a stingy man.can't you both sit and talk? Show him more respect and don't look down on him cos of the bed wetting.Tell him you also need him to respect you.pour our your minds to each other.maybe see a counsellor together. If that dsnt help then you'll know you tried

Name Bedis said...

Poster you have issues jare. You didn't say anything about love in this write up. You were desperate and saw him as an opportunity to have an abroad based husband. Doh oh!

No further comments.

Rocky said...

You got married to an immature male. The nerve of him, asking you to cook after giving birth.. Shior

Now, you are trapped in that country because you were so much in a hurry to be called MRS. My advice to you? Gather as much money as you can and come back home. Your husband isn't a man and he lacks sense of reasoning.

Nonye Inspired (James Bond's Girl) said...

Hmm na wa oh..My dear cos u met someone in the church does not mean the person is good, sometimes these people are looking their solutions...did u guy really spend time to know each other well or you got your head in the clouds about him?? this your fight u no choose am well..I always say this 'test a guy's character by saying or doing something very annoying and see his reaction..My dear i dont date guys for church most of dem are pretenders . i even prefer meeting a guy at a neutral place..I pray to God to see through

As Queen and boss will say ''Γ½ou need to knack pigeon on your husband's head'' cos this one tire me

Stella Igbokei said...

na wa o. I don't know what to say. pls just try and complete ur study and believe that is will be light at the end of the tunnel

Monkeynofine said...

This is a spiritual matter my dear sister , expecially the bedwetting ..... u can call it off if u no longer feel anything for him! But if u still do please go spiritual on him HE needs help! Marriage no be child play. U need to be spiritually strong otherwise men will use u as rags. .....

Atheist ™ said...

Hmm.... One chance marriage in One Trillions voice*
And yet when some christians here i'm an Atheist, they stop & stare at me like a simple handshake will lead them straight to their imaginary hell, if only they know morals & perception is not found in the church, you remain true to urself after that long sunday service or huge amount paid as tithe, ur addictions & person survives. You met him in ur church group, he's prayerful & devoted to God *yimu*.... You better start gathering money for ticket back home, try Lufthansa, i hear they're cheaper, & do it all behind hi back or he'd cripple ur chances.

Monkeynofine said...

Ogbodo land is one of the worst place to birth a child. No help nothing nothing. I wonder how single mothers without friends and relatives survive after child birth.

Empress CHO said...

Your sister asked you to pick your "fights" and you overlooked the little you gleaned because you wanted to get married.
Sorry, these are just consequences of your hasty actions.
I feel bad for you and, frankly for your sanity, you should seperate from that man and find yourself. I mean, what really is the benefit of the whole charade.

You are gaining nothing,you fend for yourself, he contributes nothing to your life,even the sex is gone. While you on the other hand, lend him a covering of responsibility staying put as his Mrs. He indulges in his rubbish and still looks sane there because you choose to set yourself on a path of breakdown so you remain somebody's wife.
Better find your way,before 2 children becomes 4 and you can't imagine starting out on your own.

But then,what do i know. You want those magical marital advice where you do something, pray somehow and everything goes away. Maybe wait around for such, but your reality entails you go Un-Nigerian and get your life back or end up like many Nigerian women who were once in your shoe.

The laws there favour you, the society care about your children. Study it and use it to your favour. Be careful with recommendations and phone nos of prophets. It is in you to deliver yourself. Use your God-given strength and initiative and liberate yourself. Your husband has turned your idol.
See how the obsession with his actions and inactions is ruining your happiness and equilibrium. You know what to do.

Well, do it!!!

Anonymous said...

If you can't take the heat, please get out

crystal said...

Your sister this and that. Madam you are wearing the shoe, you know where it pinches you. You guys obviously didn't talk about yourselves or your family or you didn't talk about the important stuff or how wont you have know his family background. That's very basic and the first thing to know. My dear don't know how to advise you. Am only against marriage when there is violence otherwise.... Pls wait for Martins Aboy and Doppelganger to advice you.

THELMA'S CAKE WORLD said...

Poster, only you wears the shoes and knows how painful the itches are, you cannot force a round peg into a square hole......if you know you've put in your very best and can't condoned his numerous baggages,its better you separate for sometime and reevaluate your marriage if it's worth saving.....don't die in that loveless marriage of yours....

*Faithful bv*

Anonymous said...

We've heard from one side.

You "closed your eyes to everything during introduction" probably because you wanted to go abroad; having been denied visa at first.

He does not beat you; and your life is not in any danger. Why not be patient and work out the "living together-ship" into a marriage. Yea, like cat and mouse living in separate rooms.

What I see here is pride; who will "blink first". You have to submit to one another in love for that is the Lord's command in Ephesians five. Now you madam should submit so that your prayers will not be blocked. When your obedience is complete, you will be of a pure-heart to call upon God for your marriage.

You have to open the channel of communications again and come back to same room. You've been living with him for at least a year despite the "bed-wetting". Think about it; if he was the one that abandoned you with the challenge of bed wetting, you will write chronicles: just like you are complaining that he abandoned you with the challenge of having had a CS. I live in the same area as you do and I know that therapies abound; you both can seek that together.

peace maker said...

Madam.It's very clear u did not love ur hubby.u r just looking for excuse to abandon ur home. Can u swear u dont hv ur eyes on another man ?

T.I said...

Ditch the mahn...Nuff said..

Villager said...

Mine adfise is four the onmarryed once who mite want to rosh ova hut fud widout face bloeing it... Ur mout mite Stan a chanse of gating bunt.

Awa eldas alwares say; He who doss north no the ware to the riva shool folow the trayls of brokenn ports.

code009 said...

You need to move to God for prayers, his lifestyle isn't of God. Then you have to swallow your pride and discuss with him as your husband.your moving out won't solve the issue since he is not violent.
Who am I to advise you.....

Anonymous said...

That is why when I see all this ill-trending public proposal of a man kneeling down to propose, I shrug; not moved. This marriage is not up to two years and it is "complicated" and separation is being touted already? How about working out this "marriage" even for the sake of this little baby that you are putting in the line of fire? Aren't both you and your husband selfish and proud to submit to each other and to the Lord. Yes, he "no longer goes to church" but you do; is it only "pepper soup" that the church offers you? How about morals; patience, perseverance, kindness, love, peace, faithfulness and so on. Lady, by the time to get that nursing certificate, you'd see that there is nothing better than a stable home. Make sure you win him over; you being the "more spiritual" one like you are telling us.

The scriptures did not tell us in anyway that "bed wetting" is one of the criteria for divorce which God says he hates! This man is not into adultery and is not beating you. Even that too can be salvaged if you have the will.

peace maker said...

Madam.it seems u hv gotten an oyibo man .U now see ur hubby as a useless man.can u swear dat no man has seen ur nakedness since arrived Canada?

Zinny Chocolate said...

Until I hear from the man, no advice for you.

Bukipreety said...

This is not marriage... It's best you leave him since he doesn't want to help himself.

Anonymous said...

this is exactly what am facing in my life,expect that we don't stay abroad and he does not bed wet,but my horseband is ezza ebonyi pig.

iduda ojeamiren said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
beeolah said...

Fix it lord

Jennifer Lawrence said...

I knw how painful cs can be so I understand you......hmmmmmm

Priceless Jewel said...

You married the DEVIL himself! Only him smokes, drinks, drinks, bed wets! Hian!!! Keep praying for him & for his salvation. God is still alive, babe you try oh!

Have a Meaningful Yuletide Season! πŸŽ„πŸ™
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all…


... Jesus is my worth!

Anonymous said...

Someone that bedwets still doing Shakara.men and there useless ego. Mtcheeww. My dear you really don't date/court this guy that was why he got away with this rubbish attitude. You were desperate to answer Mrs to an abroad husband. So bear with him.

SANDY NEKY said...

Was equally thinking of what to advice in this case till I got to the bed wet thingy and I was like mehn can't deal. Poster, with all that you mentioned above, your horseband seems not to be the caring type and as such, I honestly can only deal if I had a veryyyy good job and was making cash, thats only when I can stay put and try to ignore but in this your case, hmmmm lemme read comments..

Anonymous said...

Whoops!!did is huge...bed way?

LADY PRESTIGE BEADS.08034205152 said...

Poster,sorry for the agony you are going through.i pray that you receive divine wisdom to pull through.
Find time to talk to him about your pain in a nice way.maybe,you can take him out for dinner. The main issue is that both of you do not love each other so,every step is irritating to the other partner.
If you can no longer tolerate each other,go your separate ways.Shalom.

Jumiasalesagent contactme. said...

If we leave every time something goes wrong in a marriage then rate of broken up will equal rate of marriage vows.what do you want to hear, you want us to encourage you to leave your marriage hmmm, many especially the unmarried ones will give you such advise but from my end its your cross carry it.he isn't violent, you have a distraction which is your child and you have something doing. Marriage is not a bed of roses and abroad based spouse doesn't guarantee successful marriages not even in terms of money. To all the single ladies putting their hands up, get to know that sweet talking sugar coated 'mouthed' Yankee guy..

KIDJO said...

This is so painful.Sit hI'm down and talk some sense into him.make him know the effect his actions is having on you.If he doesn't change just keep on praying as far as he doesn't hit you.you will be fine soon

Tilly said...

Marriage is very serious contract that people have to think far about the future and if the person they can live with despite all their differences. Getting to know someone in person is hard enough let alone over skype/phone. It does not give you the full picture of how the person is. All you hear are words. Words that cannot be verified. And you made the decision to marry him.
Well...for you both to have got married means that there was love at some point. You have to rediscover it and talk talk and talk. At least know the way forward.

Mrs.R SDK blog Official BFF said...

Oh my God! You entered one chance marriage.

You didn't really know the man you got married to (the reason I don't like distance relationship) you made a big mistake by living a miss independent lifestyle while you were dating.
Those men in "the abroad" can be very stingy! They hardly live up to their responsibilities, especially those ones that lives in countries where they pay for child's benefits, they can be lazy too.

How did he expect you to cook for his friends one week after birth by cs? He was not considerate. The other things you complained of; I believe you knew before you went to meet him in Canada. Because, there's no way you will not know he bedwet if you both were intimate during his visit to Nigeria, so I want to believe you just took it as one of those things you can adjust to.
The issue of bedwetting can be fixed, if he's opened about it, you guys live in Canada, and Canada has a perfect healthcare system.
I will advise you talk to him about going to see a doctor.

The issue of him not going to church again, I think you should also share from the blame, because you have not been living the kind of life that would persuade him into going to church with you! I believe you find loopholes .

The issue of porn, maybe it's because your sex life is on the low, 10months is a long time for a married couple not to be sexually active. That can also be fixed by both of you. Try and initiate sex with your husband.

The good thing is; you're a smart lady. Keep saving your baby's money.
Learn new recipes, if he complains about your food. There's no harm in learning or changing food recipes.

Avoid getting into a fight, because from your write up, it seems you're not a gentle lady.
I will not advice you to leave your husband, because you did not complain of domestic violence or cheating. So, I will advise you call your husband and tell him about his flaws, let him know he's killing the love between you both.
Find a solution not a division.

Anonymous said...

What a gwan . God please intervene. Men and Women frustrating each other in the name of marriage.

Poco Poco said...

OP, You don enter one chance. Long distance relationships. You were blinded by Canada/abroad husband dreams. Not all that glitters on Facebook is real.
Just endure until find a solution (as long as he is not physically assaulting you and your baby.)

Dr Chy! said...

Poster u basically married someone u didn't know, or date simply cos he was based abroad! Lol. My dear as u lay ur bed so u lie on it. Pls carry ur cross luv. @ least ur baby is a citizen, n u r in Canada. u can choose to move on with ur life, but it's ur Decision to make not bvs.

Classic Chic! said...

I'm not going to say u should divorce,but...
If u want out, make sure u weight ur options properly.
Make sure ur working n able to take good care of yourself n baby.
Make sure u have a plan for ur baby's future n vice versa.

Y CNT u guys see a therapist? Or u try other things?
Its so unfortunate wen ur partner passes by u n all u can think of is hatred for him/her .

Anonymous said...

I will advice u to put more effort, communicate and don't alws want to win all fights. Choose ur fights and sacrifice some. He is not abusing u.
U guys WL get beta wt years, believe ds is ur own time to fight d obstacles in marriage.
Don't be a strong head like me. Mine wasn't easy at d beginning too.
I believe u will be fine. Just remove d idea of leaving in ur mind, it will get beta, I tell u.
Goodluck.

AM HAPPY said...

My dear.... start to dey pray oh! nothing pass God.

jane okudo said...

Husbands tho.. Imagine cooking for him nd he's frnds barely a week after cs, smtin dat can pain for Africa!!to tink he bedwets nd still Hv tym to watch porn nd masturbate beats my imagination...truth is u married a stranger, u either live with it or u get out while u can!!

IRRATIONALPaul said...

Give him the silent treatment... If it doesn't work pack ur things wiv ur child nd move on or file 4 divorce, the Man's eyes will open. Even God will understand, you are too young to suffer like this(if everything u wrote is true o)

Anonymous said...

This is quite deep. I would say the pregnancy put a strain on the relationship. That shld have been a time for you guys to get close and know each other, sort out things and find a level ground. This is a lesson to new couples, wait a little, living with someone is not beans. It's takes time and hard work. Even though my hubby and I dated for over five years seeing each other almost everyday, we waited for one year and half before getting pregnant. We knew marriage is very different from dating and it really paid off. By the time baby came we were in a near perfect marriage and were able to manage an additional pressure which we r doing extremely well at. ( I am still on maternity leave even though my baby will be a year in a few weeks)...yes we were able to prepare financially and otherwise. The same ppl that you are scared will be asking questions after nine months are the ones that will be making jest of you if your marriage fails. We informed all close family members that we wld be waiting a little while so everyone cooperated with us. The nosey ones did not matter so we just smile when they make their nosey comments
Dear poster, I can tell it's not been easy on ur husband too and Mayb he does not know how best to handle things.
I would suggest you guys go for counselling, it works wonders! How you want to do it in Canada I don't know. Mayb church, professional etc but it's not so bad yet. Men react to situations differently and you will be surprised how this man will change and you won't be able to explain it.
Pray also, cause prayer changes things.
My hubby is a thousand times better than when I married him, I can't believe my eyes and he still makes efforts daily to impress me.
God help you guys!

DoppelgΓ€nger said...

*you and your roommate.

Anonymous said...

I think if you travelling abroad to live with your husband, please avoid getting pregnant straight away, with 2 income is difficult let alone one. That might have triggered your the problems. You guys are practically strangers and needed bonding time before babies!!!

Rocky said...

And there goes our very brilliant Atheist reply.
In his bid to quickly blame everything on religion, our very smart Atheist seem to have hurriedly skip the part where she said she discovered some important facts about him when they had their court wedding.
I guess our intelligent Atheist also skipped the part -oops, he thought two steps ahead of us- that this implies they didn't get to know each other, they were so much in a hurry to be called Mr&Mrs. Oh yeah, "Mr&Mrs", don't this story remind you of the movie? After all the man inconvenienced his wife with the cooking chores

Our brilliant Atheist decided to go ahead to modify one trillon's quote. One trillion's quote is usually "end time... whatever"
...oops, I've gone off point again! Smart Atheist, carry on!

Anonymous said...

Madam, do u plan to be unhappy the rest of your life? Marriage is not by force. The more you stay, the more you resent him.

Start looking for a way out

Mummy tk said...

Sis arrange ur self well and pray to God for directions,he we surely see u thru. Ple I feel ur hurt we d pain gather.

Anonymous said...

Run o. He will never change. Thank God he doesn't come near you sef. So don't have more kids. My father is like your husband. We the children wish our mum had left him years ago because he only paid fees and never cared for how we were fed or clothed. It's a generational problem, which you discovered after introduction, but you were already trapped in a marriage. Run before he gives you an STD.

Queen of Queens said...

He isn't physically violent towards you sis. Begin to show him more love and make him feel like a king. Pump in more love and reduce the fights. You're married, let's stop taking our VOWS with levity. God help us.

Anonymous said...

And u think she hasn't done all that?? You cnt bend a man that's not willing to bend, he dsnt see her as a wife, no passion or like sef b4 love.. Dopp u will undrstand marriage better wen ur married, easier to dish advice, ur advices r kool tho.

Atheist ™ said...

Hear*

Anonymous said...

Is it not u again?

Anonymous said...

Poster...yes you leaped before you looked. It's done now. True story: same thing happened to me. What did I do? bettered myself, got a degree,.lost weight, prayed like my life depended on it (which it did) and vowed to be a better person (emotionally, intellectually and physically). And my hubby? I ignored him. Took on my new role as a room mate. No fight no quarrel..no emotions from me. Wasn't easy but I was determined. 3 years down the line, I was ready and I moved on. At the time he had started seeking my face and making some effort but I had had enough. He wanted to use our child as a bait and I told blatantly, you can have him if you want knowing he couldn't handle the responsibilities and to trash that blackmail once and for all. Guess what I am in a better place..will be getting married again and tbh I'm not the one pushing. Partner wants a child and feels he should make an honest woman of me but I'm not fussed. In summary, think clearly & logically - decide & act.

Anonymous said...

Poster you never see something...am sure obe decent guy go love you then o but no....abroad guy...you hear canada..no time to study the guy.....well...you got makr things work...yes.....

Anonymous said...

Sweetheart you make sense

Anonymous said...

Blackberry i disagree o....my marriage must be super smooth...infact am already commited to making it work...if you think positive you birth positive doings. I dont buy that crap of no marriage is smooth..prepare and plan well for your marriage...

Anonymous said...

My sister the thing tire me

Anonymous said...

As in ehn...she hear abroad guy....canada....

onyinye nnubia said...

My dear,
Try to manage the situation now as much as you can, till you get your nursing degree. If things dont get better by then, take your child, and move out. Fend for your selves and become better

BeQuiet Instead said...

Young women and 'wanting out'. Dear poster, it's obvious you quickly rushed to the registry without getting to know your hubby. Well, I do not see what is so special about your quarrels with him, almost ALL couples quarrel, but the difference is the approach to reconcile or resolve issues. I wonder how you took time to write to Stella for BVs to advice you when you have not tried talking to your darling.

My dear, the first FIVE years of every marriage is full of trying times. Face it, a wise woman builds her home but the foolish one pulls it down with her hands, the choice is yours.

BTW, did you guys not wed in Church, I always wonder at the responsibility of these priests/pastors. is it just to bring couples together? After that, then what?

My sincere advice to you is to face your challenges and build your home, no one else would. It seems to me the reason you mentioned he's from a polygamous home and his mother not living with his father is because you are of the view that he will not make a good hubby - ending as his father. Forget these, and work on OWN home - NO TWO MARRIAGES ARE THE SAME.

Anonymous said...

You are wise

Anonymous said...

You funny ehn

Anonymous said...

Better woman...your husband go they lucky o

Jasmine said...

Food don come for u abi?

Jasmine said...

Poster, take this advice and act accordingly.

Mosi Jubelo said...

Wow, this is serious.
Happiness is soo sooooooooo important.

First, call him, talk to him and express yourself to him. There's no harm in doing that.

If he is still doing his gra gra, why don't you just manage with him and be saving, when you get a job, move out and rent your place, or save and come back to Nigeria and do something better with your life.

I just feel bad for you cos I don't know how a normal man will sit down and be treating his wife this way. No money to take care of herself and he wants to still collect the allowance?
God strengthen you.
Please just manage small then leave when you can stand on your own.

PayUrsula said...

What happened to encouragement, patience and tolerance in a marriage? What happened to wisdom and understanding in a marriage, No maarriage is made in heaven! Poster u are not going anywhere, cool down and carry ur cross, learn to show him love, respect him no matter how stingy he is, ur mrriaage is less than 2years why in a hurry to run away, this period of marriage is call the teething period, I bet both of you will over grow it, I went through it and am sure so many people on this blog went thru it too, some marriages are rosy from beggining to the end while some will pass thrugh hurdles and pains and so much regrets, but I bet you if u apply wisdom to it and chose to carry ur cross joyfull u will come out happier and stronger, I am happy in mine now that is because I chose to respect my husband, obey him and be happy and by Gods grace we are better in character now than before, stay put u can't be tired now its too early to start complaining,tell ur self u want to learn more about him, take him as the hardest subject u ve ever study and by grace u will pass it. Goodluck.

Jasmine said...

I'm sorry but had to ask. Is it a must to inform people that u want to wait for some time b4 bearing kids?

I thot it's just 'our' parents u tell?

PayUrsula said...

Very Well said.

Anonymous said...

Your comments are always lit....God bless you

Zoe said...

This is serious. Long distance relationships comes with a lot but then some people date forever and end up having so many issues in marriage. Just take things easy mind your business gather enough money and leave the marriage it's too complicated. And for his masturbation I feel that because of the long holiday from sex. He isn't worth killing your self over remember if you die everyone will move on including your sister telling you to work this out at all cost.

Anonymous said...

It irritates me when someone writes a chronicle and people say sit him down and talk to Him, as if that person is too stupid to know that. How can you live with for years with someone annoying you and you will keep quiet and not talk to the person about it? Anyway, kudos to you, you are the original adviser Nowamagbe. You are too much.

Anonymous said...

You don enter one chance marriage. Only your hubby smokes, masturbates, bed wets, drinks doesn't provide for the family, cannot get intimate.Prayers and marriage counselling is highly needed.

Anonymous said...

And you think she has not done all these First? She just kept quiet and watched him Misbehave? Then when she got tired she decided to write Chronicles? U people and your Nigerian mentality advice. Smh

Emmanuella Marshall said...

My dear oo, d disadvantages outweighs d advantage so only him smoke, drinks, watch porn,masturbates,over stingy, bedwets, nd complains alot??? Biko really 'choose' ur 'fight', if u c d possibility of d marriage working then give it a try,dis online nd distant relationship get as e bi oo, just try

Dannys said...

All these "abroad husband" wahala

Anonymous said...

You jumped into marriage without studying the person. Sorry.

WesternBits said...

Wow, only 2 years marriage? Poster, did you even love this man ? If you loved him, find it in you heart to go past his shortcomings.

Obviously, both of you are very immature. You really have to think deep and decide if there is any love left in you for this man. If there is, I suggest you invite a 3rd party who can wade into all your marital issues and sift through it. I bet your husband has a plate full of complaints about you too. Every marriage will go thorough ups and down but I'm convinced you did not know this man enough to marry him. How I wish you had a chance to visit him before the marriage was consummated. Posted take heart but think deeply before you take a bounce. There are no saints out there.

jasmine said...

Dear poster pls I want u to reflect on everyting dat have been goin on. Is your marriage worth saving (yes/no) no matter wat advice we all give u still have the final say and if u feel it's worth saving den do somtin bt if nt I dnt tink wat pple wld say shld be ur problem u'r doin dis nt jux 4 urself bt for your baby.

St.FranKooL.... said...

#l hope you fall in love with someone who makes you question why you ever thought you would be better off alone*

cherie mendez said...

My head aches trying to read your comments. *peace*

Anonymous said...

Madam don see better life and how she can marry better oyibo as them like black guys die, she is now forming. Why does he watch porn and masturbate. Don't go and be forming wise oo. Ask of how many Nigerian women has been shot by their ex husbands who brought them form Nigeria. In US and Canada.

On another case you are planning to leave, what is his opinion, is he comfortable with it? Madam I put it ot you that if he is not comfortable with it, then the fault is definitely yours. You must be a bad woman.

Henny said...

Madam you are talking about your sister and what people will say as if you are a child.

Henny said...

Madam you are talking about your sister and what people will say as if you are a child.

Anonymous said...

You are very right. I'm a Gwegs and just to get out of that gigs level I accepted a proposal to get married just after a month. I almost got married before I got to know the character of the person I was to marry. I could actually see dt loading so I have just decided to do u turn.

Anonymous said...

You need to talk. As long as he isn't violent. Some of his behaviour might be out of ignorance, esp asking you to cook after a ceaserean section. Guess you kept bottling things up.Even the bed wetting could be solved, with different therapies, esp with you been in Canada. Guess you won't be happy if you were in his shoes and He was considering leaving you because of bed wetting. Marriage is for better and for worse it isn't a jamboree.Try your best to save your marriage,you both can learn to love each other and it would get stronger if you can travail through the storm. God bless

BluntChic said...

He bedwets? Haba mama! I am not 'believer' you. Mama why you lying?

That's by the way. I think you need to send him this link.

Anonymous said...

You've married yourself now! All because of visa & baby citizenship desperation things. You must deal with.
Shikena!!!
It's a marriage of convenience. The "boy" or little man is taking advantage because you're not economically emancipated and maybe possibly your immigration status is tied to him, your socially naive too without good social network or support there in Canada. Also your boundaries tolerance level is poor, hence you will follow him to sleep on a messy bed. Tufiakwa!

Lesson in life, don't ever be desperate for anything, otherwise you could also be taken advantage of, abused or exploited and become maltreated for it.
Some people your age in nigeria today are still happily married and delivering babies every day in nigeria. Those children too will be raised well, educated to become great men and women one day without going abroad to become underclass and 3rd class citizens there.

Pink shell said...

Honestly, I don't know where u get ur proverbs from.

Anonymous said...

Hi dear, I know how frustrating being alone in Canada is and to add to it you had a baby, if you are in Toronto please drop your email address with Stella, I can come visit and cheer you up. Don't give up its not easy out here, you can try to make the marriage work. You need time to heal

Kim Kardashian Aka portable queen of sdk blog said...

You are the architect of your problems.
You where so much in a hurry to marry, u didn't even do any background check.
Most of you think marriage is child's play that u can jump in and jump out at anytime.

Courtship is not by phone n video call..... This is what happens when you don't know anything about the man u married.


Please do what makes you happy...... Don't think about what people think or say.
People must talk oh.

Anonymous said...

That moment u realise it's ur marriage anniversary and u wish u can turn back the hands of time and undo everything right from the beginning. Idiots be begging u to marry them then turn to monsters after the fact.story of my life.

Miss pee said...

πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ your advice is Spot onπŸ‘Œ

Miss pee said...

πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘your reply is Spot onπŸ‘ŒπŸ’―

Anonymous said...

Dear Jasmine, it depends on the kind of family you are from. You see am very close to my siblings and even though we did not officially inform anyone before we got married...as soon as they all started insinuating one way or the other in their comments and prayers , we had to tell them so everyone was on same page. Parents and siblings. Other friends and aunties were not informed we only let them talk. Also my parents and siblings R very spiritual , so we had to do that to save them a lot of days on fasting and prayers!

Anonymous said...

@payursula true talk

ukwu dimond said...

Poster can you please try and look at his good side even if is for once? you say every of his weak point, is time to you to go back to baba God.

Anonymous said...

Ur juju go follow u!!!
Serpents & poisonous snakes in canada. U want to visit her? Make "friend" to later go stab her in the back, sabotage her happiness or joy in the end!
Wicked naija peepu like that all over abroad looking for troubled families & homes to finish permanently.

Better mind ur business there....oh. be looking for people to go "visit" & "friend"
Ekwensu!!!
Don't go looking for dysfunctions to take advantage of and to use it to manipulate and destroy marriages and to scatter a home forever.

Anonymous said...

Hi poster! I hope you get to read this!
Dont blame the short courting time,its past tense! Ll be disjoined but am sure you ll pick a few points. 1st he bedwets,have you tot about his drinking habit maybe a contributing factor? 2nd he watches porn and masturbate,have you tot that this man may not want to cheat so he decided to give attention to them since you both are not sexually together! Men react differently to situations,getting preggie immediately after joining him can be stress on his part. First thing,write him your heart out if you feel he wont seat to listen. Tell him to also tell you your faults. Start from there and see how it goes! Abroad is not easy except theman is rich and even at that little contribution matters. If you try from your heart one last time,removing every past anger or mistakes and he doesnt change,then do what your heart tells you next. You can also try separation and therapy!

zinny uwalaka said...

Deeds has been done. Plan b is prayers. pray your way out
Stop.complaining and ask your self these are there things that I doing that is also wrong? Don't blame the man 100% mbok. Show true love, work in silence, change ur tone of communication, be happy inside no matter what. Forgive him, speak to some closer to him that he respects. Sow a seed to God in tears and reap in joy. You either build or destroy your home. Don't leave him ooooo. Who u wan leave am for? Biko work on yourself first. Change your attitudes. His drinking habits you mean you didn't know about it? Haba madam. Be honest. Every marriage has its own challenges oooo ooooooo..forget all these people here acting like all is so well

Cushy Supernova said...

Mind you,this man has lived alone for a long time time. It will be difficult for him to accept you the way it ought to be. You have to endure for the next 3years. Meanwhile learn the Canadian family law(know ur right). Improve in your cooking skills. I found out that a lot of married women are unteachable in this department. You can tell a friend that you enjoy her meals to help you out or go online and learn. You can't be there and your man masturbates that's a shame. Always learn a new thing. You can fix this yourself if you are determine. Be a source of help to this drowning man. You can do it!!!

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Anon 17:16- my kind of woman πŸ‘ŒπŸ½

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

In your mind now you made sense abi?

Jasmine said...

And u had to use my name as ur blogID? Hian!!!


Use the pix too jare.


Mtchewwww

Tiwa said...

My dear no battle is difficult for God to win
I will advice you to keep praying , tush yourself, get a job ,further your education ,advoid him and trust God for the rest
Its only in prayers we can overcome and get our desire results
I should believe that been a Christian divorce is not an options . you can even go for deliverance on his behalf bcos of his background, it might be household stronghold that is after him
Best of luck
God help you in Jesus name

seyi afolabi said...

U guys were "hi hi" frnds while u were in a relationship and wen he traveled out for msc u suddenly av a reason to be single and start dating him abi? Ure looking for abroad husband...ehn God has answered ur prayer na....manage it like dat....ur ex will probably be laffing his ass out rite now reading dis....lolzzz. Gals will never learn, not all dat glitters is gold.
Madam I've got no advice for u....sorry.....ntor!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, see why we are very backwards, my dear not everyone is evil minded like you ok, am here with my husband and child, I only offered help.Truly line my husband says you can never please people. I don't want to help again , the snow and winter sef it's enough trouble for me.

Poster try and make yourself happy, take time to heal first and when your child is old enough for daycare put him there, go to one of this private schools if you are in Toronto and do PSW for 6 months( search for the one that runs the program for that duration). With that you can get a job asap and save, also if you are in Ontario you should be eligible for OSAP that's if you have PR, you can start the nursing even if it's RPN for now, find a church if you don't have one already and go. Takia

Anonymous said...

PayUrsula you sound like a child of God. Very sound advice you have given. God bless you. Poster you need to seek Gods'face and try hard before you consider leaving, as long as he is not hitting on you. Though you are facing financial and emotional abuse, which are serious, it could be your marriage's teething period like Ursula said. Many couples don't find it easy at first, being from different backgrounds, mindsets and all. Your case is even more intense because you both obviously did not know each other and appear to have settled, rather than being 'in love'. That is why it appears like there was no honeymoon for you both. So you guys have to start knowing each other afresh and be more tolerant of imperfections. Maybe if you pray and try, it will inspire your husband to try also. Pray for your husband. Read Stormie Omartian's The Power of a Praying Wife. You will see how she suffered before things turned around. Also the bed wetting and masturbation and aversion to church, to me, are indications of spiritual problems in his life. However, there is nothing God cannot do. But if you have already made up your mind about the failure of your marriage, then indeed there is no hope as there is no faith. It can only be unto you according to your faith.

Anonymous said...

Apart from your queen of the bus comment, your other comment be like say na me write am, as that is how I see things. Though recently I more interested in a godly man, I am very much aware of the very fake, pretending, church goers. But none is perfect. Sometimes we have to give people a break.

Anonymous said...

Kai my dear Cho, your last paragraph is so on point!πŸ‘πŸ‘Œ

Anonymous said...

πŸ‘

Anonymous said...

I don't bother with villager.

Anonymous said...

Always spewing rubbish. I pirry whoever is attached to you as wife or whatever.Always commenting like a nincompoop.πŸ„ *Surfs away*

Anonymous said...

And poster you wan come Naija? Oshisco! Come nau, shebbi the money they are paying into your child's account, Baba Bubu go pay you for here? Ok na. It is not only you again ooo, consider the future of your pickin. Enuf said.

Anonymous said...

I like that poster was wise about her baby's money. Namsense!

Anonymous said...

Nice one 16:31!πŸ‘

Anonymous said...

Exactly!

Anonymous said...

22:19 couldn't help it, you got me rotflmao!πŸ˜‚

Anonymous said...

Chikito, he made more sense more than most of you combined. Only that PayUrsula woman made more sense.

Anonymous said...

Ur in canada with ur children and husband doesn't mean ur not a saboteur or poisonous snake indeed.
Why do u need to visit her then or "friend" her? Did she tell u she doesn't know the way to "church" and how to train for psw, rpn or rn and all shit packing career jobs???

Mind ur own business! Stop poke nosing and looking for vulnerable people, broken and dysfunctional homes to "visit" and "friend" the wife or husband. That una Canada madness don too much!
Cult gossipers & devilish plotters all masquerading as "friend" or "church people" and symphatizers.
Always for the weak in spirit to finish!!!

Geraa...here Mehn! With that ur Toronto Canada crazy witch 419 things.

Oluwabukola Owoeye said...

Amen...

Anonymous said...

Cut ur losses, take your child and leave!!!

Anonymous said...

Why do we always act like a woman's role is to be a messiah???? Be a source of help??? So what's the mans role? To mess up and give the woman something to do? Until she dies of hbp then everyone will abuse her for staying. My dear poster just better ur self, take ur baby and leave. Simple

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous 6:22, mehn, one knows just how you feel about some of our Naija people for this obodo oyibo. It is truly sad though that its come to this: unnecessary competition when one isn't even in the know; talk about slander and everything injurious to keep one from freedom/independence and happiness. Yep, when one sees a fellow Naija a mile away now, na race you go pick. Yeye pipo

Anonymous said...

Sweetheart, My advice to you is work on your marriage. I know it is hard and we may never know how hurt you feel. Tou sound luke you have already given up. You need to make prayer and love your weapon.

bedwetting- sleep on the same bed, set alarm to wake him up every 4hrs. He will respect you for that. That is love .

Porn/ masturbating - a well fed lion cant be looking for food. When you see him doing it pounce on him and give it to him like its his last day on earth. ask him what he wants and be vulnerable . spice it up with role play.

other vices - pray like thats all you have in this world.

and learn to submit/compromise its not everthing he does you respond to. let it go. What is pepper soup? something you can cook under 1hr.

I live abroad, married with a son and I can relate to you.

Forgive him, and tell God and yourself divorce is not an option. The holy spirit will guide you. ehugs from Me, PA

Anonymous said...

Wow, congratulations anon, truly your evil and have a wicKed mind, out if the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, you know what they say like mind attract it's kind, no wonder all the people you know abroad are like you. I made an honest offer, PLEASE NOT EVERYONE IS FRUSTRATED LIKE YOU OK, GET AND LIFE AND BE NICE.

Anonymous said...

Nawa oh, anonymous it's well with your soul, purge yourself of your evil mind, there are good Nigerians abroad. You attract your kind ok. Takia and have fun

Anonymous said...

Wait till you get your papers (if you don't have it already) before you leave him or anything.

Grandeurconcept said...

Don't v much to say, Madam Prayer is d key to ur marital issues, a man who doesn't fear God is bound to face problems in his life, Go on ur knees n cry to God coz a marriage that's not built on Christ d solid rock is meant to encounter problems,u two should sit n talk, communication is an important ingredient in marriage(be a good listener), den understanding n encouragement(he might be going tru sum hard time)Gudluck dear

Anonymous said...

Dear, first you need to tell your self that the marriage will work. Then study your husband, get to know what makes him happy thereafter learn to do those things and commit your relationship into God's hand. God will do a new thing

Anonymous said...

Hi poster, dounds like you did not even love him because your words are so cold. Anyway about the hours for maternity, you will understand better when you are about to have your 2nd child, cos you will know what it means to stay home without income during that period and want to meet up with your hours. For sure your husband did not do well to ask you to cook after you just had a CS but from what i see it shows that you have been carrying grievances before you even gave birth. Because if you actually love your husband and you think that you can sacrifice and cook when his friends were to come home then yiu would have done it and you would not have died because of cooki g for just one day. As for the bed wetting, its true yiu did not fully know your husband before marriage, but since you were willing to marry him then you have support some aspects of him, imagine that it was the other way round for the bed wetting. My dear my advise for you is that; you need to go down and your knees and pray seriously, think of where you have gone wrong in the marriage and if you were really interested in the marriage then adk God to heal it. Communication is the best remedy in most marriages do try to foster communication and be patient cos it will not just change in 1 day. I pray that the Good lord sees you thru.

Anonymous said...

Very correct. The way she speaks i think she was of the impression that her husband will be showering her with lots of money. My dear abroad no easy especially if its only 1 person working to pay the bills. She is running her mouth about forcing her to make hours for maternity, my dear its no Christmas to sit home with no income during maternity leave. When you are about to have your 2nd baby, you sef go struggle make maternity hours way nobody go tell you. My dear focus on your marriage and talk to him. You have to pray hard and if you are a prayerful person as you claim then you would know that you can intercede for him in prayers if you really love

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